 Today we're going to be talking about Jeffree Star and the wonderful topics of anger management as well as accountability. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health and what I like to do is pull different topics from the YouTube community to try to teach you how to improve your mental and emotional well-being. If you're into that stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton, a ton of videos, alright? And yeah, I wanted to make this video not only because there's a bunch of stuff going on with Jeffree Star that we can learn from, but there was something I left out of my recent book, Rewire Your Anger, and now gives me the perfect opportunity to discuss. But by the way, if you haven't grabbed your copy of Rewire Your Anger, it's always linked down in the description. I do have an audiobook form now, so now you can get it for $7.99 and it comes with the e-book as well if you want to follow along or whatever. Link down in the description, alright? So yeah, anyways, Jeffree Star is in the news again but for those of you who don't know what's going on, Jeffree Star in this video that I have up behind me, he was reading hate comments in ASMR and basically he didn't blur out any of the names in there and somebody called him a homophobic slur, which is not very nice, okay? So anyways, the person said that they were going to take legal action because, you know, they didn't want their family to know that they're homophobic. Something ridiculous like that. And anyways, there's a bunch of stuff going on. I actually just finished watching the Spill video on it and even though like people think I hate her, I don't. Cool channel, I love it. And yeah, go watch the video I made about her a while ago. Anyways, if you want to get caught up on that, it's a really good video. She actually talks a lot about like psychology and why people like hate watch or hate follow people and all sorts of stuff, alright? But anyways, the first topic that I want to talk about is something that I keep preaching you, something that my co-host Matt and I actually talked about in our podcast yesterday, which is something that a lot of people don't like to have. It's something that I didn't like to have, which is accountability, okay? Like the internet gives us this platform in which we feel anonymous. We feel like, oh my God, nothing could stop me, right? And we just run around all willy nilly saying like whatever we want to say. And like you have to be accountable for that. Like go back to the golden rule. I teach you guys this all the time. The golden rule, don't be a dick, alright? Like had this person, had this person followed the golden rule of not being a dick, none of this would have happened. Like for example, something that I talked about in Rewire Your Anger is quit causing your own problems, right? Like we think that the world's out to get us. We think that people are trying to hurt us or whatever. And we refuse to take a look back. We refuse to follow those breadcrumbs and say, oh my God, I set these wheels in motion. Like had I not left that dumb comment, right? Had I not left that hateful comment, somebody like Jeffree Star never ever ever would have had the opportunity to put me on blast in one of his videos in front of millions of people. But we refuse to think like that, right? Like we have to look at our own actions and how it's causing our own problems. Which is something that is so, so, so, so hard for people to do. But let me tell you, let me tell you this. Like from somebody with a lot of experience from causing a lot of my own problems, it is so amazing. Like once you start pausing and playing the tape through and thinking worst case scenario, like if I'm a dick in this situation, what, what could happen? What can possibly happen? What is the worst case scenario? And if you played that through and you can't handle the potential consequences, guess what? Don't do it, okay? Like this is something that Gabby Hannah actually dealt with last year. And I made a whole video about like why Jeffree Star gets a pass and people like Gabby Hannah don't. Like Gabby Hannah, you know, on Instagram, she, she, she said, you know, she did something like she, she posted somebody's like comment and like, and people lost their mind, okay? Jeffree Star does this kind of stuff all the time. He retweets people, you know, he just did this video and stuff. Like, so I just want you to, I just want you to let that soak in for a minute. But like when you're running around like leaving hate comments and all those things, like, like just know, like when I post comments on the screen, most of the time, most of the time I edit it out, but there are people like Jeffree who are not going to be that nice, all right? And like, you know, personally, personally, I'm glad. I'm glad that there are creators out there who are doing this. Like I've thought about it a lot lately. Like why do people leave these comments? Why do people leave hate comments and all that? And although Spill talked about some very good subjects in hers, I think one of the reasons so many people like hate watch and leave hate comments and all sorts of stuff is because on a platform like YouTube or even social media like Twitter or Instagram, I think you do it because a part of you knows that the person might see it, right? Like if you were to go like, I don't know, tweet at George Clooney, I don't even know, George freaking Clooney has a Twitter. But like, there's a good chance he's never going to see that, right? But I think, I think a part of people know, like, and you can let me know down in the comments, like analyze yourself real quick. There's a part of you know that the creator might see it. Like you leave that comment like, I hope, I hope he sees this, right? But anyways, like I am, I am never ever, ever, ever, ever, going to say, oh, he shouldn't have done that. And like, we have this weird community here on YouTube where, where you believe that, you know, creators are like, you know, using their like army of followers to go harass people and stuff like that. Like in some cases, in some cases, that might be true. But in other cases, there are just people who have loyal followings and they stick up for the creators that they enjoy, all right? So again, again, if you don't want that to come your way, quit being a dick, all right? But anyways, the second subject that I want to talk about, and this is a subject I left out of rewire your anger, but I wanted to talk about it here, is Jeffree Star mentions being a sponge. Like being a sponge for people who are sending hatred your way. Like do your thing, right? Like, although like, I might sass some comments and stuff like that, like I am empathetic. I know, like I used to be, I used to be the guy leaving hate comments, and I can tell you for a fact, it's because my life was miserable, okay? Like, my life was miserable, I didn't like me, I didn't like myself, and a lot of that went outwards. So it's something that I keep in mind when I read these comments, all right? But anyways, going back to being a sponge, like real quick story time. When I first got clean and sober six and a half years ago, like a lot, a lot, like 98% of the people in my life did not like me. Some of them even hated me, all right? And it took me a long time to rebuild these relationships. Some of them never got rebuilt, and I'm okay with that. Like I hurt those people, and I accept that because I was taught accountability. Like I had to learn that no matter how much work I do on myself, there are some people who don't like me. Like I know you guys watching this right now. You're like, dang Chris, I love you, you're a good guy. But trust me, there are people who knew me a long time ago who still don't like me because they remember a very different version of Chris. And that's okay. But there is one story that sticks out in my mind where, you know, obviously I did hurt people and they attack me and stuff and it hurt my feelings. It hurt my feelings a lot. Like I was trying so hard to better myself, become a better person, do all these things. And I remember venting to a mentor of mine all the time. I'm like, God, dude, I'm like, I'm trying so hard. I'm trying so, so, so hard to be a better person. And this person keeps calling me a piece of garbage and keeps saying this and keep bringing up my past and all this. And he would remind me because he was keeping me accountable. He's like, Chris, do you think, do you think that person has any reason that they'd still be mad at you? And I'm like, okay, all right, you're right. I did, I did quite a few things. And this is something that you see a lot in people who are trying to better their lives, not just addiction recovery, but, you know, we cause damage, we cause this wreckage for years, for years. And then all of a sudden we decide to work on ourselves and it's been like 30 or 60 days and we expect all to be forgiven, right? So I started to accept that this person in particular was still going to be angry at me and I never knew they were going to not be angry at me. But what I started to do was I started to not respond, right? I started to not respond, right? Because we get this thing in our head, like if somebody comes at us, like we have to attack that. Part of that can be explained with neuroscience. When we get attacked, the amygdala goes off, fight, fight or freeze. Some of us get into the fight response and we lash out, we lash back, right? And I realized that I was only making things worse, right? Like something I talk about in Rewire Your Anger is don't text, don't call. Like my relationship with this person is great now, but I think it's because a lot of the text messages I didn't send. But anyways, this person kept calling me a piece of crap, kept calling me a piece of garbage and all these other things and I just soaked it in. Like Jeffrey Starr said, I just soaked it in like a sponge. And I'm like, and I just said, hey, I'm sorry. Like, sorry, like, you know, I apologize. I made my men's, I did everything I could and I was like, all right, you know, and they just kept attacking. And what I realized was they were starting to wear themselves out, all right? And this seems like, like, I don't know. It seems like a bad idea. It seems like, you know, our ego doesn't want this to happen. Our ego doesn't want to just let somebody keep, you know, you know, attacking us without us attacking back. But let me tell you, like, and this is all case by case situation too. But let me tell you, this person just kept attacking, kept attacking. You gotta understand, if they keep attacking you and you are continuing to work on yourself and rise above, eventually it clicks for them. They're like, why am I being such a dick to this person who is trying so hard to become a better person? And the other thing I realized too is other people in that person's life started to say, hey, why are you being so mean to Chris? He is trying really, really hard. So sometimes just by keeping our mouth shut and not attacking back, other people around us will start to stand up for us. And this kind of goes back to what I was just saying. Creators will often have their fans, you know, stick up for them. Now there are people who are very, very sensitive and they ditch it out and they don't like to take it. And when they see people sticking up for them, like, oh my God, quit attacking me. No, like, don't be a dick, don't start it, right? But anyways, I just want to let you know, if you are somebody who is messed up in your past and you are legitimately trying to be a good person, just keep your eye on the prize. Keep your eye on the prize of being a better person and eventually other people are gonna look worse because the world is going to see that you are trying to be a better person. Alright? But anyways, anyways, let me know down in the comments below, do you have a hard time not, you know, just soaking it in like a sponge? Is that something difficult for you? And then let's have a conversation like why? Why do you think that is? Alright? But anyways, that's all I got for this video. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. And a huge, huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. You are all amazing. And don't forget, I will be posting the Q&A this week. And if you want to become a patron and get involved in our monthly Q&A's and all that, you can click or tap right there, alright? Thanks so much for watching. I'll see you next time.