 I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man. And I'm here to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys. Yes, boys and girls, it's Comic Weekly Time. And here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness. Right out of the pages of Puck the Comic Weekly, straight into your living room, your friend, the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man. Well, little Miss Sonny, how are you today? I know a riddle, fine dance. Oh, quick, what is the riddle? What is the... A difference between a cat and a match? Oh, that really is a... Mmm, my, a cat and a match. I'm afraid that doesn't strike a spark in my brain. I give up. What is the difference between a cat and a match? A cat and a match lights on its head. Oh, that's very good. Thank you. Now you tell me one. All right. What's the difference between a sewing machine and a kiss? A sewing machine and a kiss? What's the difference between a sewing machine and a kiss? Well, a sewing machine sews seems nice. And a kiss seems so nice. Oh, oh, that's very funny. I'm glad you like it. Oh, I did, I did. Puck the Comic Weekly? Very well, I'll read that in just a moment. But before I do, let's listen to this nice man. Now here we go with Puck the Comic Weekly. And on the first page of the first section, under bringing up father, Beatle Bailey. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. Toot me a toot and tweet me a tweedle. Squeeze out music for Bailey the Beatle. Down at the army post, the sergeant has his men at work doing some repairs on the barracks, the place where the soldiers sleep. He says to one of the men, all right, nail up those loose boards in the ceiling while I find someone to help you with the rest of the work. A few minutes later, upstairs in the barracks, our hero, Beatle, is sitting on one of the cots, lost in thought. And when Beatle gets lost in thought, his mind goes far, far away. And then suddenly he hears something. He wonders what it is. And then realizes it's the pounding that's been going on for the last 10 minutes. Beatle speaks. And he asks himself a very wise question. I wonder who's doing the pounding down there. Just then the sergeant sticks his head over the top of the stairs. Bailey, come down here. I need you. Yes, sir. Beatle stands up and tries to take a step. It finds he can't move his feet. And what? Hey, last picture top row, the sergeant walks over to Beatle, cleans over him, and roars in Beatle's face. Beatle, don't stand there like you nailed to the floor. I said, move. Beatle leans way back. I heard you the first time, Sarge. Still, Beatle doesn't move. The sergeant is furious. He grabs Beatle by the shirt. First picture bottom row gives him a pull. Come on, you move. Hey, but, Sarge, my feet seem to be glued. It's your head that's glued. And the sergeant pulls on Beatle's shirt. I'll get you to move if it's the last thing I do. And off comes Beatle's shirt. And the sergeant falls backward and topples out the window. Gee, I can't even get my feet loose so I can go to the window to see if he's hoarded. Five minutes later, the sergeant comes charging up the stairs with a gun and bayonet. Pride, golly, Bailey, I'm going to take you in for a court, Marshal. And no, Sarge, no, no, not the bayonet, no. The sergeant gives Beatle a poke with the bayonet. And last picture, Beatle with two pieces of board nailed to his shoes, heads for the door, followed by the sergeant who prods him with the bayonet. In subordination. No, Sarge, no. Refusing to obey in order. No, Sarge, please. Neglect the duty. No, Sarge, please. Silly, the man below into the soul's of Beatle's shoes. And Beatle was nailed to the floor and didn't know what had happened to him. It wasn't at the window. Well, let's hope that Beatle is out of trouble by next week. Now, let's turn over the page. Oh, look, do you remember? Yes, and he came out into a forest, face to face, with what little Prince Arne thought was a wild animal. Yes, but it was only a little fawn. That's the baby deer. And Arne is pretending it's a great deer. He's pretending it's a great wild animal. I wonder what he'll do. Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Prince Valiant in the days of King Arthur. Eckett, Breckett, Gray Malkin, and Quince. Music romantic for a fair, fair prince. Little Prince Arne, who is about to start for home with his old hunting dog, hears a noise in the bushes. He sees a wild animal staring ferociously at him. At least that's what little Prince Arne thinks. It's only a little baby deer who looks curiously at Prince Arne. Bravely, Arne draws his gleaming sword. And at the noise, the wild animal pleas and panic. Arne, feeling very proud to think that he's frightened away the wild deer, sheathes his sword proudly. And then, he realizes the tension of the terrific battle he almost has had has made him terrifically hungry. Once more, the cruel fangs of famine threatened the explorers. And this time, the danger is real. All the cookies are gone. Only some bread and some meal are left. Last picture, top row, our little hunter sits down, opens his pack, and he and his brave dog eat the last of their food. After he is eaten, Arne looks around. He stands at the edge of a huge cliff and looks at the valley below, first picture, second row. And he thinks, when he becomes a warrior, he'll conquer this land and be its king. He decides here where he stands, he'll build his castle. But meantime, he looks out over a darkening world and remembers how nice it used to be in mommy's arms. Darkness is beginning to fall. And last picture, second row, as Arne watches, the forest below grows dark. It looks as if almost anything is more than likely to be looking there. Arne is surprised to find the world so large and so lonely. It's comforting to hear the sound of distant horns. First picture, bottom row, late that night, a peasant who lives in the forest hears the sound of a howling dog, the sound of a lost soul wailing in the darkness. The peasant lights his lantern saying to his wife, such a woeful sound can only mean distress. Through the night, the peasant wanders toward the sound and the sound leads him to a weird and wonderful dog who is calling attention to the fact that a small boy is in dire need of comfort. Well, well, look who's here. And the peasant hears the sound of other hunting horns in the distance. He reads their meaning. He is sure that the parents of the little boy he has just found are seeking to find him. The peasant puts his horn to his mouth again and makes a sound that means all clear or danger is past. The horns are Prince Val and the people from the castle searching for little Prince Arne. I'll bet it is too because now that it's dark, they've certainly missed Arne and know that he must be outside the castle. And I'm so glad I came and found little Prince Arne because he looks so lonesome there in the dark. Yes, he did. But I'm sure he'll soon be back safe at home again after this adventure. Now let's turn over the page and go past little iodine and look on page five. There's Roy Rogers. Oh, yes. And Roy came along then and saw the runaway horses and he was going to last sue them, but he found that the little boy Tim, who was riding with him, had tied a lot of knots in his lariat. Well, let's read and find out. Here we go with Roy Rogers, King of the Cowboys. Ah, yippee-yoh. Now, here we go with Roy and Trigger. Ah, yippee-yoh. Unable to use the lariat, Roy heads Trigger down the grade after the runaway horses. The faster and faster Trigger goes, closing the gap between the runaways and Roy. Then in a moment Trigger is beside the wagon. Roy says to Tim, Why don't you stay and Trigger, Tim? I'll try to stop the team. Roy reaches over, grabs hold of the wagon, pulls himself out of the saddle and into the wagon. I have nothing. I don't feel I'll get him stopped in a minute. Quickly, he grabs the reins, last picture top row and pushes the foot brake with all his might. All right, come on now. You quit his pull up there, will you? Whoa, whoa. Slowly, slowly, the team slows down and first picture bottom row, they are stopped. The boy, Tim, gallops up and rains in beside the wagon. Doleful says, Roy, you stopped him. In a quick now on time, he francy fair on his men are up the road. They're later cramped. Tim says, Well, don't worry. I'll take care of them. And off Tim rides. Roy shouts, Now keep out of this, lad. This is menswear. Come on back. A few moments later, back down the road, the outlaws are talking about Doleful. Bullwhip the same? Well, boys, Rick and Doleful Hawkins had a fatal accident by now. Well, when do you grab his companies or haul and contract? Fairer answers. Well, first let's make sure he went over the cliff, Bullwhip. They look up at the sound of horse's hooves. Creaky says, Hey, it's Doleful's Bratton F.U. How'd he get here? We left him locked up back in the shack. Tim rides up and stops. It's all your fault. My uncle went over the cliff. He's hurt bad. I'm going to fetch a doctor. That last picture, Fancy Fair was grabbed Tim's bridle. You're going no place, kid. We'll take care of your uncle. Let's go. That boy does some of the craziest things, but he must have some scheming in his mind this time. What kind of a scheme? Well, I'm afraid we'll have to wait until next week to find that out. Now, let's turn over the page, go past Buzz Sawyer, and look there. On page seven, there's Peter Pan. Oh, yes. Yes, Neverland. That little island where boys who don't want to grow up fly to, where they can play and play to their heart's content. Yes, and there's Indians and pirates in Neverland. Especially the famous pirate Captain Hook, who hates Peter Pan and has been trying to capture him. Well, and now that's happened now... Let's read now and find out. Here we go with Peter Pan. Say the magic words with me. Pirates, crocodiles, Peter Pie Pan. Whisk up music for Never Neverland. With Tinker Bell banished for a week and the little tough boys friendly to the three darling children, Wendy, Peter, and John are anxious to explore Neverland. Wendy says, Oh, Peter, let's see the mermaids first. One of the tough little boys shouts, Oh, let's go hunting. John very soberly raises his umbrella and says, Well, personally, I should prefer to see the aborigines. And little Michael chirps. Yes, and the Indians too. Peter says, All right, men, go out and capture a few Indians. John, you be the leader. And then Peter takes Wendy by the hand and away he flies to show her the mermaids. Last picture top row, Michael lines all the little boys up. And first picture bottom row, away they march, looking for the Indians. Last picture, a little robot pulls away from Captain Hook's famous pirate ship. In it, our hook and his faithful man, Smee. They're heading on a mysterious mission. And Smee says, Wish you talk, Captain. And Hook answers, Well, a little persuasion might be in order. I wonder when Hook is on. I wonder too. Can we run these Indians? All of these things we'll find out next week. Now, let's turn over the page. And look, on the last page of the first section, there's Flash Gordon. Oh, yes, and my mind says to read Flash. And I'll read that in just a moment. But first, here's that nice man again with something interesting to say. Now here we go again with Pucked the Comic Weekly. And on the last page of the first section, Flash Gordon. Magic words for the music, please. Farewell, my lady. Raga-daga-doon-doons-ask-a-matash. Let's have music for heroic Flash. Flash, who has been on the planet Venus and has gone through many adventures, has finally overthrown the tyrant King Stang and brought peace to the planet. He's been rewarded with a large crew of Inusian technicians who have built Flash's new ship, so he may return to Earth. His ship is powered by thorium atom fuel, a different kind of fuel than is used on Earth. And today, after bidding his friends on Venus goodbye, Flash blasts off. The new ship speeds then swiftly toward Earth. Dale is frankly homesick as she watches her native world grow larger in the viewing screen. But her daydreams are rudely shattered when Flash reports grimly. Arthorium fuel is running low. We can coast to Earth, but if we do, we'll crash like a flaming meteor. Last picture top row in desperate haste, Zarkov and Flash weigh their next move. Finally, Zarkov hits upon a plan. We may have enough fuel to reach the moon's orbit, Flash. If we do, the weaker gravity there will break our fall. Flash heads the ship toward the moon, which glows eerily in space. As they come closer, Flash, who is watching on his radar screen, exclaims, Hey, look, there's a new space station on the back of the moon. Zarkov breaks in. Well, let's land there. Maybe they can refuel us. Skillfully, Flash manipulates his craft's breaking rockets. The soft pumice dust of the moon's surface is going to make the landing hazardous. Slowly, the ship settles down, pale first. It shudders for a moment, and then topples sideways. Last picture, wearing space suits, they climb out of the escape hatch. And then Flash sees a heavily armed tank, leave the mysterious space station, and move toward them. Through Flash's helmet radio comes a harsh voice, warning, Don't move or we'll fire. I wonder too. They act like foes, because they're coming in a tractor with a gun. Thanks. You're welcome. No, no, I mean the tractor with a gun is a tank like they use in war. Oh, Flash and Dale will be safe. Well, we'll find that out next week, I hope. Now, let's pick up the second section of Puck the Comic Weekly. Oh, yeah, no. You're right. And here we go with Dagwin and Blondie on the first page of the second section of Puck the Comic Weekly. Rambo-Foo, Rambo-Fum, Zim-Zam-Zombie, Konjimi Music for Dagwin and Blondie. Dagwin and Herb Woodley, his neighbor, have agreed to stop fighting, which makes the bumpsters very happy. Last picture top row, Dagwood, to prove his friendliness, goes over to the Woodley house. To show Herb, he really means he's going to be friends. Oh, Herb, I thought you might enjoy this book. It's just finished reading. Herb smiles and replies, oh, thank you, my good friend. Here, take this jigsaw puzzle to while away your spare moments. First picture, second row, Blondie and Tootsie Woodley are having tea. Oh, isn't it lovely, Tootsie? It's so peaceful around here since our husbands decided to give up that senseless brawling. Yes, it's too good to be true. A half hour later, the book says, a fine thing when a grown man is so starved for entertainment that he has to read a book. Last picture, second row, Dagwood, who's been working the jigsaw puzzle, complains, I never thought I'd come to this working jigsaw puzzles to fill in my spare moments. He gets up and walks to the window. He looks out, first picture, third row, and sees Herb leaning on his window sill, bored to death. Dagwood sighs. Boring, isn't it? Yeah, it's terrible. Let's take a walk. Ten minutes later, second picture, third row, Dagwood and Herb pass by a sporting goods store. Herb stops, wants to the window. Look, Dagwood, do you see what I see? Boxing gloves. Dagwood shakes his head. We agreed not to fight anymore. Last picture, third row, Herb puts his armor on Dagwood's shoulder. But, my dear friend, boxing is exercise. It's not vulgar fighting. A smile comes over Dagwood's face. You're winning me over. First picture, bottom row, half hour later, Herb and Dagwood come to the house, the boxing gloves on, sparring with each other. Dagwood gives Herb a punch in the jaw. Remember, Herb, no hard feelings. Herb socks Dagwood in the side of the head. No, no, of course not. This is just good, healthy exercise. And they swing harder. And harder. And harder. The sound of the battle brings Blondie and Tootsie on the run. Oh, no. And then both boys deliver a terrific punch. They call to the floor last picture and turn their groggy faces to the girls and Dagwood puffs. Isn't that wonderful? We found a way to punch each other without being mad. Oh, they're really a crazy pair. I guess they're big. Yes, I guess that's why. Well, now would you like to see what's happening to Dick and the pirate Jean Lafitte? Oh, yes, the Jean Lafitte, that pirate to see General Jackson. The British and the Americans are at war and the British had offered Jean Lafitte lots of money if he would help the British fight the Americans. But instead, Jean Lafitte wants to help the Americans fight the British. But General Jackson said he wouldn't have anything to do with Lafitte because he was a pirate. And so they're going to hang him. I wonder if that'll really happen. Let's read and find out. Here we go with Dick's adventures. Say the magic words with me. Rickety-pack-a-zack-a-zick. Let's have music for adventurous Dick. From his cell window, Jean Lafitte watches as the gallows is prepared. He wonders, is he really so close to death? At that instant, he hears footsteps. And last picture, sharp row, the cell is open and the prisoner is marched out straight toward the gallows they go. And then, to the surprise of Lafitte, he is marched past the gallows and toward the headquarters of General Jackson. First picture, second row, Lafitte is brought in and stands face to face with General Andrew Jackson, the tough frontier fighter. Jackson's eyes narrow with a hatred he feels for all criminals and law-bringers. And he snaps. Lafitte, you deserve to be hung. I'll delay the execution, but in one condition. If and when the British attack New Orleans, I expect you to be fired. I'm not going to be fired. I'm not going to be fired. I'm not going to be fired. I'm not going to be fired. Now, I will not be fired. Then, if and when the British attack New Orleans, I expect you to be fighting on our side. Lafitte promises his whole fleet of armed privateers and bloodthirsty buccaneers. Hey, perhaps I will save you the trouble of hanging me by getting myself killed. A quick farewell and Lafitte is gone. First picture, bottom row and hour later a breathless horseman who might be a pirate gallops into camp and he announces, hey, the British are in the march! 10,000 of'em! That's pictured Dick Neal's beside the messenger and exclaims, He's got a bullet in his chest. She's coming to attack, just enough. I can't think that, even though it does look suspicious. Yes, but after all, too, he did come to General Jackson and his own. We'll find out more about this mysterious thing next week. But now look below Dick's adventures, there's Rusty Riley. Oh yes, Rusty is, because you remember that magician, that man named Neal, that fortune teller, and they have a scheme to try to get all of Denver Dooley's money away from him. That's right, they are. Necro and Beagle plan to trick Dooley, the owner of the carnival, into a card game. And it looks like Dooley is going to get into that card game with Necro, because you remember last week Rusty and his friend Stove Pipe heard Dooley and Necro talking outside the tin just after the show. Well, let's read now and find out if Necro's scheme is going to work. Here we go with Rusty Riley. Gallop and run till the road is dusty. Give us music for us horse and Rusty. Stove Pipe and Rusty hear Dooley say, you want to get up a little poker game up? Well, I am your man, just say where. And they hear Necro answer. Well, my tints as good as any place in 20 minutes, okay? The two men walk off, Stove Pipe says to Rusty, I put you back into the shadows because I didn't want Dooley to see you. Not to eavesdrop, but now I think it's the most fortunate thing that I did. Why, Mr. Stove Pipe? Last picture top row, Stove Pipe says, Meet me at the main gate Rusty. I've got to see Dooley before he gets into that game. Okay, Mr. Stove Pipe, I'm kind of hungry, so I'll be at the hot dog stand. First picture bottom row, Stove Pipe is talking with Dooley. Now listen, Denver, don't be sore at my butting in. But I heard you tell Necro that you planned to play poker with him. I'm surprised to see an old carnival man like you playing with a card mechanic. Now, don't worry, Doc. I wasn't born yesterday. I can take care of myself. And besides, this is my lucky day. I can't lose. About the same time, Rusty has to go back to the tent. He hears voices inside and he stops saying to himself, Hey, Mr. Necro must be in there. There's a light. He seems to be talking to someone. Rusty listens and he hears Beagle saying, Well, I guess he did a good job. Tell no, Dooley. He couldn't lose. He sure swallowed it. And then Rusty hears Necro answer, Ah, he's a maid to order. Sucker, all right. I caught that nosy kid fool with my special specs. But I don't think he's onto what I use him for. All right, hand me those marked cards, Beagle, and then scram. Last picture, Rusty seeks out Stovepipe. Hey, Jeepers, Mr. Stovepipe, you better come with me. There's a place between Necro's tent and America where we can hide. Hurry, hurry. Well, I failed to grasp the cause for his excitement, lad, but lead on my lad. That's right. Those cards have marks on them that Necro can read with those special glasses he has. So he'll know which are the winning cards and which the losing cards. And that's not fair, is it? No, it's not. But next week we'll find out how this turns out. Now, that's all the time I have. But before I go, here's that nice fellow with some more interesting information. Honey and all you boys and girls, I gotta go now. All right, Mr. Comic Weekly Man, but I'll be waiting for you next week. Okay, that's a date. And a date with all you boys and girls. Be sure to meet me with our little friend Miss Honey next week when I read Puck the Comic Weekly. For I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man. I'll be back to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys. Don't forget, boys and girls, see you all next week. Your friend the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man.