 For her leadership and her commitment to her community the president and board of trustees of Fairfield University hereby proclaim Cynthia R. Bigelow doctor of laws honoris causa Ladies and gentlemen, it's now my pleasure to introduce Cynthia Bigelow our 2016 commencement speaker. I just want to say they have this little pedestal down here Which I'm really happy about because I think I would be missing at least 50% of you They didn't have this thing. So thank you for this pedestal First of all good afternoon Fairfield University graduating class of 2016 This is a real honor For me to have an opportunity to get to talk to you all I've actually never been invited to do a commencement speech before and to be honest. I'm a little bit nervous But I realized in preparing to talk to you today it was about 30 years ago almost to the day I Sat and sees very similar to yours and I don't know how all of you feel But for me I was filled with many different emotions I was excited Because I knew I didn't have to take another test anymore Didn't have to write another report anymore And I didn't have to read any more textbooks and similar to yourself. I'd had a lot of schooling and I was kind of ready for that chapter to end. I Was nervous because I didn't know what my future was gonna look like I didn't know exactly what I was gonna do. Was I gonna like it? Was I gonna like working with who I was gonna be working with there was just so many questions. So I was definitely nervous But I was also sad because I recognized That I was probably never gonna be on a campus again Surrounded by amazingly wonderful warm fellow students that I could lean on and laugh with and study with and Party with and whatever else we do in graduate school And that was going to be sad for me to not be around this environment anymore as well as faculty members that also I could lean on and could support me and push me and challenge me so I Also definitely was sad the same day So I can't speak for you all And how you feel you're a very diversified group your many different schools and You're in different chapters in your life different parts of your journey But I do know you have some things in common. I had a wonderful opportunity To have about 12 students come to talk to me and I talked about five different faculty members And first of all for the 12 of you that are in the audience that came to talk to me Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You guys were amazing I so enjoyed getting to hear your stories about your experiences here at Fairfield you But what I learned over and over was that you guys many of you had made many Sacrifices to sit in that seat you're sitting in today It was not easy to do and if you you said to me if you didn't have each other or The faculty or your family and friends you weren't sure you actually were gonna make it into that seat And that's what's so exciting for me is that you guys did do it You leaned on each other and that was wonderful to hear those stories as well As I also got a much greater appreciation for the university I have always had great respect for Fairfield University. Believe it or not not a lot of people know this When I graduated 30 years ago, I actually audited classes at Fairfield University for five years and I remember I audited it so I didn't have to take any more tests remember that part and I really have to say I walked away from those five years having amazing respect for the faculty then just saying these teachers are Amazing and I'm not just saying this because many of them are behind me But I've also had an opportunity to work with a lot of the students In the community work that I have done as well as I've had a wonderful chance to go into the classroom and talk to the students as Well, so I've already always had a great respect for Fairfield you but after listening to the students and hearing their stories I've had even even a greater respect for this wonderful wonderful campus and how close-knit it is I heard over and over how close-knit the university is so what I was thinking about What I could share with you guys that would maybe be a value. I Said well, let me think back over my 30-year journey and what did I know today? That you know, maybe I've realized more as I've gotten older that I would have thought might have been helpful for me in my Journey, so I'm going to share three points with you and Some of those things might not mean anything to you today or tomorrow But maybe in some miracle if you remember that I was even here in five or ten years from now Maybe they'll resonate for you later down that path So the first one is when you hear commencement speakers speak they're always so amazing, right? They're so motivational. They talk shoot for the moon Go for the gold, you know follow your passion. It's amazing. It's fantastic, but if you're anything like me well I have to be honest. I wasn't sure what that meant. I mean it sounded great, but I Just wasn't sure I knew I wanted to work hard I know you guys all want to work hard and I wanted to do well and make a difference I wasn't sure what that meant exactly, but I knew I wanted to I Wasn't exactly sure how the pieces I was going to do were going to work together down the road But you know, I just I don't know. I just I didn't really know what that meant And about 15 maybe 18 years ago the president of the time came to me and he said, you know, Cindy You know you work hard. That's great, but you know, you don't have any fire in your belly I was like, what? Hey fire in my belly Well 15 years later to today and I think the 12 students that came to see me can attest I couldn't be any more passionate about what I do. I love what I do. I love the product I love the people I love my community to be honest my passion gets me in trouble and When did that switch go on? When did I become so passionate? I? Have no idea. I don't know what I was doing. I don't know what year it was. Was it over a year? Was it over five years? I? Just don't know but it did go on and what I've learned is that life unfolds and It takes time to figure out What you're good at? It takes time to figure out what you like and it takes time to figure out What is important to you that life unfolds and With that comes a much greater appreciation for everything around you To me passion unfolds as life Unfolds slowly next thing. I've sort of learned along my journey Is that not everything we're gonna do is strategic right? That's obvious Not everything is gonna be strategic in our thought process strategy is very important I think about that all the time at Bigelow. What's my strategy am I communicating my strategy properly? Does someone need to help me make sure I'm laying it out the right way, but I'm here to say That the things that you do that are completely Unstrategic are gonna be some of the best things you've ever done in your life The things that you're the most proud of the things that you'll hold the nearest and dearest to your heart And they just started because you said That sounds like a good idea. Maybe I could do that and I'll give you an example for myself I'm so blessed for the Support that I get for the community work that I do. I mean this wonderful honorary degree is based on that community work And it's definitely a tremendous source of pride for me And I hold it so so near and dear to who I am today But how it started had nothing to do with any kind of strategic decision And it was about 30 years ago and there was an individual that was working across the desk from me His name was Don Shalevitz and his son Dave Shalevitz tragically died in a car accident Dave Shalevitz was going to Norwalk High School. We were down in Norwalk And I remember seeing the pain that Don was in and just saying oh my is there something that we can do? Is there anything that we can do to show him that we care? so I said why don't we put on a little road race and Why don't we maybe raise some money and we'll put in a scholarship in Dave Shalevitz name? And that's what we did. It was actually September 10 1988 my mother and father who are over there were in the race I think my mother might have cheated and cut across the finish line a little early just saying not sure And as I said, we raised about three thousand dollars in Dave Shalevitz name Well a year later we moved to Fairfield So I said, you know, why don't we continue to do this race? And I wonder where we should give the money now that we're in Fairfield and this is our new community and we had moved down to Carlton Street and The senior center was near me and I said gee why don't we give the money to the senior center? I like seniors. I talked to my grandpa two times a day Yeah, that's what I said And anyway, so we started to support the senior center and we've had that race ever since and as you just heard from Valeria the senior center called about a year ago and they said We'd like to change the name of the center to the Bigelow Center for senior activity and my first comment was why and They said because you have been unwavering in your commitment to the seniors of our town and That little road races Valeria just told you has put 1.2 million dollars back into our community And I've had the most amazing journey getting to visit these amazing Organizations in our town that are doing such great work and they help balance me and give me perspective But it all started because I just said to myself Gee, maybe I can do something So that's my point to you all today is Really always listen to that little voice and when you just say to yourself gee I'd like to maybe do something here, or maybe I can help out there I promise you some of those very unstrategic Decisions that you make are gonna be the things you'll be the most proud of when you look back over your journey Okay, the last point Something that I share a lot with my children and That is each and every one of you in that seat and those seats over there our Role models and the faster that you recognize that you are a role model the richer your journey is Going to be and that's a pretty tall order asking you to be a role model And that is not asking you to be perfect because believe me I have not perfect Covered but it is asking to think about it because people are watching you they're indexing what you do You are influencing people you have no idea The impact you're having on people and most likely will never understand all of the impact you're having But if you start working People are watching you and they're making decisions about where they want you to go based on how you act If you're in a leadership position I think it's even more important that you clearly recognize every morning when you wake up your role model I tell the executive vice-presidents that work for me. You don't have the luxury of a bad day Because if you have a bad day, whether it's one ten or a thousand people report to you Then you're influencing how their day is you set the bar you set the standard The same thing applies in a family and I'm sure many of you are aware of that But if you have two little kids in the back of the car and someone cuts you off and you Whatever you do, it's okay But just please clearly recognize That you've now set the standard for what your children are going to be doing as well So whether you work or you don't work, whatever you do You are a role model and it's so important to remember that I got a letter the other day from an individual I've worked with for 20 years And in this letter he writes what I had said and done 20 years ago And I promise you I could not remember half of what he said But he was sharing with me how it helped him become the leader that he is today Well, I gave that letter to my children to read and the reason why I did that is I wanted to remind them That you are a role model way before you even recognize you possibly can be one and it also Reminded me the same thing over and over. I have to remind myself And I also heard about that here at the university one of the wonderful students that came to talk to me. I Asked her I said when did you know that Fairfield University was the perfect university for you? And she said oh day one It's a day one. Why what happened? She goes why I'm from India And I didn't really know how the shuttle system worked So I went into administration and I talked to a faculty member there and the faculty member had this big smile and made me feel So welcome and went through great lengths to make sure I understood how the shuttle system worked She knew she said I knew from that day forward This was the university for me and it was like that every day since she said well I bet you that faculty member probably does not remember that But that faculty member was role modeling for the university as you will be role models for Fairfield University moving forward You are now the ambassadors of this university the ambassadors of this university of your community of your family of your work And it's so important that you work hard to remember that every day And I want to just wrap two more things about being that role model If you remember when I talked about that faculty member I said that she was smiling and made that student feel so welcome Well, I'm here to say that that gift from God that is free called a smile Is something that we need to think about using as role models you give it and you get it back It is so special and easy to use and I see as people get older in their careers They stop using that smile so as hokey as it sounds. I'm gonna ask you to please try to remember that smile and use it and the last thing I'm gonna ask you to remember as a role model is You know when you go by a playground, right? You hear this a lot, right? You see little kids smiling laughing holding hands They're so happy makes you feel really good. Well, we all have that child inside of us And you know what as you get older, that's why I said maybe this isn't gonna resonate today or tomorrow But maybe in five or ten years we need to keep that child alive that spirit alive I worked very hard to do that at Bigelow on Our third floor where I work in the sales and marketing I bought everybody's these little styrofoam arrows And it's not uncommon around three or four o'clock these little styrofoam arrows are flying all over the place Is it ridiculous? Absolutely. Is it fun? You bet it is could I take somebody's eyeball out? Maybe But I do that because I what we do we're serious about what we do we care about what we do very much But I want them to have fun. I need to keep that spirit alive I want them to keep that spirit alive and only you can do that by being conscious of it It's it's so important to do the other day. I was traveling. This is gonna sound like it get ready a Jennifer Aniston commercial for emert air But I was flying to Sri Lanka and normally when I travel I try travel coach You know, you know the whole deal see doesn't always go back tray table doesn't always work But in this particular case I was going to go on business class on emert air It was one of those things where if you buy one business ticket your partner who's had a blending gets to go Not that you even care, but i'm sharing that with you So there we are had a blending john and myself get on the emert air playing business class And it was like nothing i've ever seen they had little orchids free champagne A bar in the back unbelievable gorgeous wood It was unbelievable. We're smiling laughing. We're taking pictures The attendants are laughing and smiling and taking pictures So awesome, but i'll be honest. I looked around I don't think one other person at least looked like they were enjoying this journey And i'm here to tell you we're all on a journey from a to b all of us are always going somewhere from a to b Why not enjoy it? Why not appreciate it? Why not work? At at trying to enjoy every step along the way It's not easy to do what i'm saying is not easy, but if you're conscious of it you can do it and it makes that journey So beautiful So i just want to finish up reading a poem to you It was a poem that i wrote to my children I'm trying to get upset I was on another plane because you can tell i fly a lot and i was going to california And while i was on that plane There was a young man in front of me probably i'm going to say 25 somewhere under 30 And he was the boss of the individual next to him. It was about 40 maybe 50 years old And my guess is they were in the world of finance And i listened and watched how this 25 year old talked to the 45 year old man And i have to tell you it really bothered me it wasn't right So i wrote this poem to my children and that's what i'd like to finish with you all today And it's called please Please never have all of the answers Please never think you have it made Please never hang with the affected or at least any more than you absolutely have to Please never feel entitled Please never act like you are it Please work to be confident but humble Please always know you make all the difference in this world But are still just a small speck Please don't let people run over you but give them the right of way Please know you can be tough and at times quite tough But always with a clean and clear mission in your heart Please know you are blessed and thank god every day for that fact Please love yourself in this beautiful world we live in Please be good to your spouse and work hard from day one to make it a home run Please love your children like there's no tomorrow written for megan and david love mom Thank you so much for letting me share your special day with you because that's what this is your special day Thank you god bless and congratulations fair for the university class of 2016