 Welcome to the anxious morning where each weekday morning we take a look at ideas, concepts and lessons designed to help you understand and overcome your anxiety. For more information, visit us at theanxiousmorning.com. Yesterday we talked about a bad habit, beating ourselves up and calling ourselves failures when we fail to complete an exposure or meet a recovery or life challenge. Today, let's finish that discussion by looking at two things we can do to meet our failures and disappointments in a more productive way. Let's start by recognizing that failure feels awful, but it does not make us awful people. When we fail, we feel bad, we hurt, we want relief from that hurt. If we start telling everyone that we are awful failures that will never get better, we will get sympathetic responses that help soothe our pain temporarily. But there is a better way to get the support we need in those situations. Try describing the situation with kinder words in a more objective way without adding judgment about yourself. I really wanted to stay for the whole wedding today. I didn't because I was afraid and I didn't feel brave. I'm really upset that I failed. I could use a little encouragement and support right now. See how that works? When you approach things this way, you acknowledge reality because there's no sense in trying to deny it. And you ask for emotional support in a way that does not use your emotional state as a weapon against yourself. Try that. See what happens when you do. The second step we can take to process our failures in a better way is to recognize that the failure is a result of things we do, not the result of who we are. Failure is just the result of a series of small choices and actions that lead to results that you don't want. For example, a typical failure for me during recovery might have been running back home because I experienced panic while driving. Rather than calling myself a failure and gluing myself worth to that experience, I would do better to acknowledge how I feel, but to dismantle that failure so I could see it for what it really was. A series of small actions that might have looked like this. I tried to use breathing to stop it instantly. I kept poking and massaging around my heart. I turned up the radio and then I turned it down. I opened the window and then I closed it. I turned on the heat and then I turned it off. I actively participated in the OMG inner dialogue and even said it out loud a few times. I wiggled and fidgeted in my seat the whole time. These would have been the choices I'd have made that would have ended up with giving in and failing. Can you see how none of these things is attached to me being a terrible failure or a bad father? Notice how this little sequence of actions shows me things that I can work on doing differently next time. Can you see the objectivity and the lack of judgment in the list? When we resist the urge to berate ourselves and get carried away by the emotions associated with failure, we can find more productive ways to get the support we need and to see the lessons that failure can teach us. They are important. When we see them, even failure is a win in many ways. I did not coin this phrase, but I use it all the time. We do not fail. We either win or learn. Cliché as it may be, there is truth there if we make the effort to find it. If you're enjoying The Anxious Morning and you'd like to get a copy of the podcast delivered into your email inbox every morning, visit theanxiousmorning.email and subscribe to the newsletter. If you're listening on Apple or iTunes, take a second and leave a five-star rating. Maybe write a small review. It really helps me out. And finally, if you find my work useful and you'd like to help keep it free of advertising and sponsorships, you can see all the ways to support the work at theanxioustruth.com. Thanks so much.