 by transcription Harry Show Harold Perry as Honest Harold, the homemaker Well, it's a warm, lazy spring day in the little town of Melrose Springs the kind of a day when everything moves slowly and Honest Harold Hemp is moving rather slowly himself as he ambles home from work a little earlier than usual in fact, several hours earlier Well, there's no use staying down at the radio station any longer I'm too sleepy to get any work done I can't nap in my office I keep sliding out of that posture chair kind of nice to stretch out on the old horsehair sofa in the living room Mother I'm home, mother Oh, guess she's downtown It'll be nice and quiet and I'll be able to... Hello Marvin, home from school already? Yeah, we got out early A history teacher is a cold in the head Oh, that's nice I mean, that's too bad, you're missing a class like that Yeah Yes, well Marvin, why don't you go outside and play? Yeah, see you later Little Marvin Sure glad he came to live with us Nice having a boy around the house Marvin, how many times have I told you not to slap? Oh, well that old horsehair sofa looks mighty comfortable I'll just get a... Why does Marvin have to leave his roller skates right in the middle of the room? Oh, well I'll just stretch out here Better take my hat off Loosen my vest Take off my moose button It's me in the sternum Oh Ah, that's going to be nice to take a snooze What's that? Oof for heaven's sake Marvin's bouncing a ball against the house Eef Zoof Please stop that before you shake the house down Ah, gee, I can't do anything Can't you find something to do that's a little more quiet? Why don't you go out on the sidewalk and count the ants? Okay, I'll start, Harold Yeah, that's a good boy I didn't have that much energy when I was a boy Well, we didn't have vitamins in those days Gosh, I'm sleepy Marvin, I thought I told you Hello, Harold Oh, you're lying down Yeah Have you had a nice rest? Oh, yeah I'm so glad you came home early today You are? This would be a wonderful time for you to fix that hole in the garage Hole in the garage? Yes, remember when you rammed the Essex into the back wall? Ah, yeah It was the time my foot slipped off the brake I was wearing my new oxford with plastic soles And you bought the lumber the next day You said you were going to put in a whole new back wall That lumber's been out in the backyard for four months, Harold Four months? Well, February was a short month, mother Harold All right, mother I guess I should get that job done I'll go out right now and sort of survey the situation All right, son I'll be getting out your overalls I'll shake the mothballs out of them Oh, yeah, my gosh, bagash overalls, bagash Thank you, mother Yes, I'm trapped I'll be done sometime Oh, whistle while you work I guess I gotta go Let's see Lumber's piled up against the garage under that tarp Hey, pile looks awfully small Let's see under here Oop, most of it's gone It was here yesterday Somebody took it last night Must be a gang of lumber feeds in town Boy, George, you're not going to get away with it I'm going in and call Pete the Marshal right now Somebody's going to walk the plank for this Hm, my plank too Well, now let's go over this again, Harold You come out here in the backyard and found that the lumber was gone That's right, Pete All right, now let's reconstruct the crime We'll go about this thing just like the FBI and I Oh, brother, come on, Pete Keep your watch far, Bond, boy Let me see here Now whoever took that lumber must have left footprints Let's just look around here Hey, what's this? What? Harold, that lumber thief is just as good as in jail right now He is? Sure All we gotta do is find a man with three toes Three toes? You see them footprints? Pete, those are chicken tracks I thought it was kind of funny about them feathers You've got a feather brain, too Well, I guess that's why I'm so light-headed Oh, what a corny cop When did you leave Max Senate? Pete, will you please... Oh, here comes Doc Hello, Harold Here comes Max Senate now Howdy, Doc Oh, hello, Pete I see you brought your Airdale Oh, yes, I... Well, tell him to get out of my geraniums Oh, here taunts Come on, taunts Taunts is here to help you, Harold What? I heard about your lumber being stolen I thought maybe you could use taunts as a bloodhound Bloodhound? See, that's a good idea, Doc Maybe he can track down the criminals That dog couldn't track down a bone in a butcher shop Oh, now, Harold You've gone and hurt his feelings Oh He didn't mean it, taunts boy Look, fellas I'll buy some more lumber Let's just forget the whole thing Look at Taunts Why, he's looking right at that pile of lumber Maybe he's picked up the saint Where's he going, Doc? Behind the garage I do declare he's on the trail already That dog is real smart He's found something behind there Huh? I'll say it has the neighbor's cat Some bloodhound After all, this is his first case, Harold Yeah See, I don't suppose that cat stole that lumber Pete! Shane! What's this piece of paper? Right here on this board Let me see it, Doc It's got a skull and crossbones onto it And there's a note Beware, don't try to follow us or you'll be sorry Signed a skeleton gang The skeleton gang I never heard of them before Must be an outfit from Charlieville Pete, let me see that note Oh, my goodness, it's from a bunch of kids Look at this, they spelled skeleton with two K's And it's got an arithmetic test on the back No kids, huh? Certainly Well, boys, you'll be boys I just hope the skeleton gang comes back tonight For the rest of that lumber I'll be out there waiting for them Those kids need to be taught a lesson Oh, now, Harold, it was just a prank I don't want them playing pranks with my pranks Oh, now, Harold Pete, they need to be disciplined Oh, we're all boys once But when I was a kid, we had a gang We called it the creepy six I'll bet you were the head creep Oh, ha Only kidding, Doc, go home, fellas The guard sure looks different tonight And a doc out here All by myself Pete said he was coming Where is he? Just hope that skeleton gang Does come back tonight I'll be ready for them Think I'll hide behind the elm tree Boo! Pete! I'm the head of the skeleton gang, boy Pete, will you cut the clowning? Those kids might be right around here Okay Hey, your house is all dark Where at is, everybody? Mother's at a club meeting and Marvin's asleep Now, Pete, I'll stay here behind the tree You go over and hide behind the garage We'll surround them If you see him coming, give me a signal Whistle Wait till I get my hands on those kids They'll really get a talking to I'll speak to their parents, too They kept an eye on their children They wouldn't be running around like this Filching lumber Uh-oh They must be coming And there they are They don't look very big I guess Pete and I can handle them All right Why doesn't Pete do something? Wonder if I can sneak up on them Here's where I get them I got you, sonny I got the big one, Harold I guess he's the leader Pete, you hit him, you got me I thought he was kind of young to have a mustache Come on, fellas Scram! I'll go right after, boy Hurry up I've got one of them, Harold What? We'll do no such thing This boy's parents are going to get a real lecture When I find out who he belongs to I know who he belongs to, Harold Who, Pete? You boy, it's Marvin Marvin? Hi For the second act of our story Honest Harold in just a moment Just a little later tonight Bing Crosby will be celebrating his birthday with two old cronies Bird Wheeler and Walter O'Keefe as Bing's guests Also on CBS Tonight Joe Lois will be taking on his latest opponent Emilio Agramotti We'll be bringing you Bing's birthday broadcast and the Joe Lois Emilio Agramotti fight on most of these same CBS stations And now back to Harold Perry as Honest Harold, the homemaker Well, we find Honest Harold Is there a bad humor this Saturday morning? Last night he caught one of the members of the juvenile skeleton gang who have been appropriating his lumber and it turned out to be Marvin the little boy who has been living with Harold What a sneaky thing for Marvin to do We'll have a talk with that boy and right now Hello, Marvin Marvin, I've decided to give you one more opportunity Are you going to tell me who the other boys were last night? I can't tell you, Harold It's the skeleton gang Oh my goodness If it's not asking too much can you tell me where my lumber is? No, I can't It's the coat of the skeleton gang We made a solemn promise not to tell on each other by candlelight Where'd you get the candle? I can't tell It's the coat of the skeleton gang Look Marvin, I'm doing this for your own good and for good of the other boys too You don't want them to turn out to be gangsters do you? Well, then are you going to tell me who they are? I can't It's the coat of the skeleton gang Alright I'm not going to ask anymore If you don't care about the future of these boys I should worry If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to Alright, I won't You better think this over young man I'll be back in a little while Coat of the skeleton gang If you don't have anything like that in the moose I guess it might as well drive downtown and get some more lumber I suppose I ought to punish Marvin Well, I'll have him clean up this backyard one of these days What's this? Looks like a piece of paper sticking out of this hole in the elm tree Oh my goodness A note from the skeleton gang Let's see Marvin, meet us at our new secret hiding place right away See secret map below Go out to the end of Mulberry Street Cut across Grover's pasture Watch out for bull This shouldn't be too hard to find That skeleton gang is going to have a new member this morning Skinny hemp Sure is a long way out here Guess this is Grover's pasture Maps as I cut through here I didn't say anything about this barbed wire fence though Guess I can crawl through it Just pull this wire up Get one leg through Got me right in the wallet And barbed wire Let go of me There I'll just cut across here Wow See, I mean Billy Guess I shouldn't have worn this red necktie Eh, little bull This isn't really a red necktie It's maroon, see Maybe he's colorblind Say a bull won't bother you If you show him you're not afraid I'll just walk slowly Heck I will, I'm gonna run That bull wasn't so fast Let's see what's next on this map Climb down south bank of Rock Quarry Looks kind of steep Here goes Now what do I do? See here Climb up north bank of Rock Quarry Why don't they make up their minds? Race with Ferdinand the Bull Up and down the Rock Quarry Those kids certainly do things the hard way Oh, that must be their meeting place A little shack there Sure flimsy looking Imagine those kids building a clubhouse way up Oop, they build it with my lumber They've got them They're inside there Just put my ear to this knot hole A meeting of a skeleton gang will now come to order Skeeter, did you put that note in the tree for Marvel? Yeah, but I think old Stucky Bridges is making him stay into this Well, we'll start with the meeting anyhow We'll begin with the ritual What's this? Halakazam Halakazoo Bifoombam Hoo, hoo, hoo Sounds like the owl gang Rickety tick, Rickety tick, Rick tick too We will always be loyal to you The skeleton gang Oh brother, wonder who writes their stuff Remember Skeeter, we never tell any of our secrets No, it's a code of the skeleton gang It sure is It wasn't that funny last night Skeeter Yeah The way we got away from old Pete the Marshall He sure a dimwit Well, Pete is kind of a dimwit And that Mr. Ham, he's got a hollow head Oh Radio program, it's strippy That does it I'm going in there and lost my balance I'm gonna fall off Bify Bridges Now look here you Come on Skeeter, let's beat it Come back here you little skeletons My lumber back Ow, I don't remember buying that piece So that's the skeleton gang Chuck and Skeeter I think my leg's broken I'm gonna report them to Mr. Morton the school principal right now He can have a talk with their parents Hello Oh, hello Gloria How's our little switchboard operator today? Oh, just fine For a helm Look at your clothes Did a house fall on you? No, I fell on the house Why? Never mind, Gloria Where have you been all morning? I was with the skeleton gang What's that, a reducing club? I lost a little weight getting there I'm thinking of joining a reducing class, Harold Oh, that's good It's called the pound of the month club Well, isn't that cute? Well, see you later Where are you going, Harold? I can't tell you, Gloria It's the code of the skeleton gang Good afternoon, Mr. Morton Oh, hello, Mr. Hampton Mr. Morton, since you're the principal of this school There's something I think you ought to know Yes I just wanted to talk to you about a few of the boys here They've sort of banded together And they've been taking lumber out of my backyard Now, it's not the lumber, you understand But I think these boys ought to be straightened out For their own good Well, it's only fair for me to tell you That my Marvin is one of them And the others are... I think I know who they are, Mr. Hampton You mean the skeleton gang Oh, are you a member too? I mean... The other two members of the gang are in the next office You mean Chuck and Skeeter? Oh, you caught them, eh? No, no, they came here to see me Ah? Yes, they told me about taking your lumber They said they'd been thinking it over And they didn't think it was fair for Marvin to take the blame along You mean they came and told you? Yes, yes, they said it was all for one and one for all That's the code of the skeleton gang Oh, yes, I've heard of that Mr. Hampton, when I was a boy I was quite a bit like Chuck and Skeeter Oh? You were? Yes My parents didn't have a lot of money either They worked hard Didn't have much time to look after me When I was about their age, I drifted into a gang And we started taking little things at first And little bigger things First thing we knew, we were headed for serious trouble But then something happened that changed our whole lives Uh-huh, what was that? Well, there was a man there who understood boys and their problems And he organized a boys' club One of the boys' clubs of America He got the people in town to build a big clubhouse Where the youngsters could get together and play and work Have their energies guided into healthy channels Huh? I see He knew that every boy is like a young tree He can either become twisted Or he can grow up straight and strong It all depends on how you help him get started Oh, yes Well, I'll call the boys in now Skeeter, Chuck Yes, sir I, uh, I think you boys have met Mr. Hampton Oh, yeah Hello, stuffy britches, but I'm Mr. Hampton Yeah Yeah, hello, Mr. Hampton Hello, boys Mr. Hampton, we're sorry about that lumber Yeah, sorry Well, that's all right I guess all boys have to have a clubhouse Yeah, well, we did have one, too You fell on it Yeah Well, fellas, since I sort of wrecked your little place I guess it's up to me to see that you get another one, huh? How would you boys like to have a great big clubhouse Maybe with a gym and a wood shop and a lot of games A place where you could go after school and Saturdays And have lots of fun Gosh, Mr. Hampton, that would be wonderful Yeah, wonderful Well, how are you going to build this clubhouse, Mr. Hampton? Well, you just leave that to me You can count on my help, Mr. Hampton You've helped already, Mr. Morton And boys, you're going to get that clubhouse You just listen in to my radio program tomorrow morning If it isn't too drippy And so radio listeners of Melrose Springs I know you'll all want to help build a real club For the boys of this town The boys' Club of America will do their part So won't you please do yours I can't think of any greater satisfaction Than to bring happiness to the heart of a boy What is a boy? As some wonderful writer once wrote Between the innocence of babyhood And the dignity of manhood We find a delightful creature called a boy Boys come in assorted sizes, weights and colors But all boys have the same creed To enjoy every second of every minute Of every hour of every day And to protest with noise their only weapon When their last minute is finished And the adult males pack them off to bed at night Boys are found everywhere On top, underneath, inside of Climbing on, swinging from Running around or jumping to Mothers love them, little girls hate them Older sisters and brothers tolerate them Adults ignore them And heaven protects them A boy is truth With dirt on its face Beauty with a cut on its finger Wisdom with bubble gum in its hair And the hope of the future With a frog in its pocket He likes ice cream, knives, saws, Christmas comic books The boy across the street, woods Water in its natural habitat Large animals, dad Trains, Saturday mornings and fire engines He's not much for Sunday school, company Schools, books without pictures Music lessons, neckties, barbers, girls Overcoats, adults or bedtime Nobody else is so early to rise Or so late to suffer Nobody else gets so much fun Out of trees, dogs and breezes Nobody else can cram into one pocket A rusty knife, a half-eaten apple Three feet of string, an empty bull-derm sack Two gumdrops, six cents, a slingshot A chunk of unknown substance And a genuine supersonic coat ring With a secret compartment A boy is a magical creature You can lock him out of your workshop But you can't lock him out of your heart You can get him out of your study But you can't get him out of your mind You might as well give up He's your captor, your jailer, your boss And your master A freckle-faced, pint-sized, cat-chasing bundle of noise But when you come home at night With only the shattered pieces of your hopes and dreams He can mend them like new With the two magic words, hi, Dad Ladies and gentlemen, we have a distinguished guest With us this evening, Mr. Aaron H. Ferringer Western Regional Director of the Boys' Clubs of America Mr. Ferringer Thank you, Mr. LeMonde. I'm here tonight to present the first Annual Golden Man and Boy Award to Hal Perry. The award consists of a statuette of a man Standing behind a typical boys' club boy. This signifies the philosophy of the Boys' Clubs of America And behind each boy member stands a man An understanding boys' club leader Helping to prepare that boys' club boy For a greater future citizenship. Mr. Perry, I would like to read one significant paragraph From the citation that goes with your award For your outstanding transcribed radio program Which during National Boys' Club Week in 1950 Was programmed on over 1100 local radio stations Throughout the country and for your continued interest Throughout the years in the boys' club movement And for tonight's excellent program This Boys' Club of America First Annual Public Service Award Is presented for interpreting and promoting The boys' club movement. Mr. Perry, I'm happy to present this award to you. Thank you, Mr. Ferringer. It's a great honor, a beautiful award, And I'm very glad that I was able to assist In such a worthy cause. Good night, folks. You have just heard the Harold Perry Show, Honest Harold. The supporting players tonight Included Jane Morgan, Parley Bayer, Butch Covell, Bob Bailey, Jeffrey Silver, Sammy Og, David Light, And featured Gloria Holliday as Gloria And Joseph Kearns as Old Doc Yak Yak. Norman MacDonald directed, And the music was composed and conducted by Jack Meakin. Honest Harold created by Harold Perry Was written by Gene Stone and Jack Robinson. Suspense. Radio's Outstanding Theatre of Thrills Has some great stars lined up for you In this month of May. Tomorrow night, Rosalind Russell Headlines Suspense on CBS. In succeeding weeks, Phil Harris and Alice Fay, Charles Boyer, Dick Powell, And Jeff Chandler will be your stars. Don't miss a Thursday date with suspense. It's heard on most of these same CBS stations. Stay tuned now for the Bing Crosby Show, Which follows immediately. The Harold Perry Show was transcribed in Hollywood. Bob LeMond speaking. This is CBS, where you thrill to suspense on Thursday night The Columbia Broadcasting System.