 I think she's accidentally revealing how her psychology works here she describes this kind of character of her drawn by media as cruelest meanest horrible list person and in her mind I think she disagrees with this and I think this is honest and she was probably kind and polite while she was recruiting these very very young girls and I think the character description is what she's so disgusted by I think she reassures herself about the crimes by justifying that she was nice and polite and kind to them while doing so