 This was fascinating in our research for this episode, this concept of polarization. Now, the other reason that money can create so much discord in a relationship is that couples usually polarize around money and not necessarily at the beginning. It's not always that opposites attract. But what research has shown is that eventually when one partner sees the other partner's relationship with money, let's say acting extravagantly, just overspending, being a little outlandish with their expenses, the other partner will tend to polarize in the opposite direction, meaning start saving more, start seeing that as unnecessary expenses. And this polarization happens whether or not you were polarized in the beginning. So you could both come into the relationship having a very similar relationship with money. But as you spend time together, your going to flip to one of these two poles of the scarcity mindset, abundance mindset, essentially. And in that situation, if you don't have good communication and you're not clear on what your partner's relationship with money is, you could be walking around in the dark, which leads to a major, major issue in the relationship. Well, what happens when you're walking around in the dark? You get scared. And what happens when you get scared? You look for things to comfort you. How do you do that? You start spending money. Yeah. And this is what allows you to feel good as one person's taking control of the situation. You're in the dark because you don't want to discuss it. You got to feel better. You're spending money on whatever escapism and vices that will allow you to comfort food and junk food in that moment to allow you to feel good. So we now understand the pitfalls around not understanding our own relationship with money or our partner's relationship with money. So how do we get to a place where we can work this out? Obviously, it's an important part of a relationship feeling comfortable with money and your partner's relationship with money does create a lot of security. It does create a lot of freedom. So how do we get there? Now, Olivia Mellon, who's a therapist specializing in money conflicts among couples for the last four decades, says that if opposites don't attract right off the bat, then they will create each other eventually. So that polarization is going to happen. How do we handle it? First, she says that each partner should tell the other about their view on money. As we said at the start, we all have our own belief system around money. What is your story? And again, in a relationship, we should feel comfortable enough to have this conversation. Some of us listening are like, AJ, Johnny, I don't feel comfortable enough. Well, it's the first thing that came to my mind is how many other difficult conversations have you had to get what you wanted? But you don't have this one, right? I know I'm laughing because I'm thinking about all the kinky talks you've had. So you're getting yours in the bedroom. But yeah, you don't have to talk about money. No, we don't want to talk about the check. Next, it's time for each one in the relationship to mention their concerns about the other's relationship to money and explain why this is a concern. Now, this is important. We want to follow up with what you like about their relationship and maybe what you envy them for. So for example, what might be stressful for you is the fact that your partner is an extreme saver and penny pincher and wants that security. Now, saying this is something for me that is concerning. Here's why. But also saying, hey, and I actually kind of envy you for this. I wish I could be a better saver. I wish I had that relationship with money. Yeah. The last step is actually agreeing on how you're going to handle this as a couple. And that's really key. I've met couples that have agreed that separate bank accounts are the way to go. Sure. I've met couples that have agreed that a prenuptial agreement is the only way to feel safe and secure in their relationship. And then I've met couples who are joint everything. Everything's pulled together and that's the rule. Well, and not one of those are better than the other. They just works. You want the one that works best for you and your relationship. Exactly. And that means being honest and don't get us wrong. This is not an easy feat to pull off. In fact, I was going through the prep for the show with Amy and we were talking about, hey, these are conversations that we have had to a degree, but we'd like to have more of and like to get a greater understanding and an understanding that when this conversation is had and it's ongoing, you can start to create goals for the relationship that you could work towards. Well, and that's going to roll into part three, which is growing. I mean, we understand how important those goals are for ourselves. And if we're taking an eye and we're turning it into a we, well, then why wouldn't that be good for you? Because you're now not two separate people. You're a relationship. You are one. So obviously, we've been discussing the earlier parts of a relationship. First, just committing to a relationship and then, you know, moving in together and potentially talking about the first conflict, which is money. Now we want to talk about what happens when you start to feel that you are growing apart. Again, the rose colored glasses for everyone are, oh, this thing's going to keep moving in the same direction at the same speed. That's not how how we as humans grow in relationships.