 March is Women's History Month, and it gives us an opportunity to reflect on the barriers that women have overcome and to celebrate what they have accomplished throughout our nation's history. If your day is filled with emails, phone calls, and the harsh glare of a computer screen coupled with a constant bombardment of news headlines, it can be really difficult to take a step back and escape from it all. In order to maintain our sanity, we've got to take care of ourselves. One of my favorite ways of self-care is to unplug and pick up a good book. So today, Sister Power is celebrating a woman author. Aloha and welcome to Think Tech of IE. I'm Sharon Thomas Yarbrough, host of Sister Power. Sister Power's special guest is author Mary Ann Holland. In Mary Ann Holland's forthcoming memoir, Warrior Rising, How Four Men Helped a Boy on His Journey to Manhood, she tells the story of the Black Misfa or Right of Past celebration. She organized for her son Max upon his 13th birthday when she invited and engineered a philanthropist, a publisher, and a financial planner over for mentorship. Mary Ann, welcome to Sister Power. Aloha. Aloha. It's so great to see you and thank you so much for inviting me to be on your show. I know how hard you work on bringing really good inspirational material to your audience and I'm glad to be a part of it. Thank you and I want to congratulate you, Mary Ann. This is just phenomenal. I was so excited about your book that I took the experience of taking the time to walk into Barnes and Nobles and purchase the book and I have not put it down since so congratulations on this fabulous must read book and let's jump right in. I'm so excited. Just tell us all about Warrior Rising. Well, I'll start with telling you why I wrote the book and it really was on demand. I had not been thinking about writing a book but when I shared with some very dear friends that I had given my son a Black Misfa for his 13th birthday, of course the first question gets asked is what's a Black Misfa? And so when I talk about it as a rite of passage that I created with the intent of giving my son mentors or a circle of men to help him become the man that he was on a journey to become and describe the impact that they had on him. I just got so much interest in well tell me more or tell me why you did that and so why I did it was because my son who was who you know was born with a disability. He's got cerebral palsy and he also has ADHD and for the first 12 years we spent so much time focused on all of his medical journey. So between doctors and therapy and treatments and surgeries and then even working with him through his academic challenges in school as a student with disabilities, navigating all of that was exhausting and by the time he was approaching that age of you know his teenage years I knew that he was going to have different kinds of challenges and so I just knew I couldn't keep mothering him to death that he really needed some men in his life who would be able to give him the foundation that he need to find his own find his own way you know to develop the kind of self-esteem and self-confidence that he needed as a young man. And so the the idea of the Mitzvah which in the Jewish culture really means it's very holy it means a holy commandment and in the case of my son the Mitzvah on the part of the mentors their deed was sacrosanct because they all stepped in to say yes to help him on his journey understanding that this was a not a typical child one with disabilities and so for them the learning process went both ways. It was not only for what my son got from them in terms of advice and counsel and wisdom but it's also what my son was able to give to them because they for the first time had to really dig deep to cope and and be there for him in a very unique way. So that's what the book is about and what I hope that people get from it is really just the idea of intentional parenting that you know that you don't have to do it alone. And as a single mom you know by the time he was approaching that age I knew that I could no longer do it alone. Wow that's exciting that's very interesting that you came over the concept of black Mitzvah I've never been to a bar Mitzvah and I would even I would think that this concept needs to go out to the schools because it's so important that our students our children our grandchildren have mentors in their lives so how did you choose to form in. Well you know it was a it was an interesting process and it wasn't necessarily that I started out to choose for men. What I did was you know I started I first thought OK so who in our circle of friends would be ideal that I trusted because that was really important I really had to trust these men that they had the values and the integrity and the honesty that I felt comfortable with to be able to have them engage with my son in such a personal and intimate way on an ongoing basis. I had to feel confident that they will back me up. I had to feel confident that what they were going to teach them were things that I would look for in any man to make sure that my son wasn't led astray or that he would be confused or or there was going to be any kind of conflict about you know the things that he might be learning because one of the conditions for the relationship with each of them is that it had to stay between them and him. And if they wait I'm sorry. Did we disconnect. No I can hear you carry on about warriors rising OK. So yes I had to feel confident that and my son had to feel confident that the relationships with them were between them and I wasn't a part of it so he would not be afraid to share with him share with them his intimate feelings or his thoughts or his or questions you might have that he might not want to ask them out. Yeah. So it's a trust factor. Yeah that was that was really important. So what so thinking about those aspects of their character. I also had to do a personal values assessment about what were the things that I wanted my son to to to learn from them or get from them. Things like the sense of responsibility to community the idea of respect for women the concept of self determination understanding that what it means to make be responsible for your decisions and being held accountable. Those kind of values I think are really important for every person. So when I looked around in my circle of friends we came up actually with five men that I thought would would would be awesome and but I thought my ask was so big that the reason for the five was because I expected that we would get some notes because that's a lot to ask of you know these professional men who as you described one was an engineer. One is a successful entrepreneur that has a magazine another one is a philanthropist other one financial planner planner and they don't have busy life. So I just you know it so so when I but what was so amazing was when I made the ask each one of them quickly they said yes so fast my head's fun and I was so moved that the responses that I got is oh Marianne I'd be honored or oh absolutely thank you for asking. One of them teared up and cried and told me how how much it meant to them that I even asked them to do it. So it was I was so taken by the incredible way that they just stepped up and leaned in and so so the four men are just you know super incredible remarkable people generous of heart and you know one of the things that also happened was I thought that you know we were just looking at the teenage years you know I'm thinking I needed help you know with with getting my son's questions answered that I couldn't answer and by the time he finished you know 18 19 years old and he was ready to you know launch on his own that that's where it would end but when they all showed up for his and they all came to his high school graduation it was amazing they flew in for his graduation to mark that milestone and one of them Uncle Chris in the book took my son by his shoulders looked them in the eyes and said now the real mentoring begins and I don't there's no words to describe that my son is now 25 and they still are as bonded as a circle of men who are there for him in every way shaping for him and I can't now looking back I don't even know how I could have gotten through all those years without them. Sure well Mary and were there any what am I doing moments? Oh yeah. Oh tell us about it. Yeah yeah so well you know one of the things that was really hard and I know your mom's out there will relate to this is giving up control right so I'm saying to the four mentors look you know I'm trusting you with my son and everything is between you and him and you only I don't want to know what you know with the conversations about it what you're talking about except for the needs no basis now with that said that being the agreement I can't tell you how many times one of them had to tell me up now remember what you said you that's supposed to be in this this is between Max and me so it was very difficult to really kind of step back and often time you know I you know after a conversation that they had had privately or visit that they had privately very hard for me to resist the questions you know like what did he tell you well what did y'all do and I had to back up and and let that go so that was that was hard to really you know step out of it and let them trust that the warriors take care of the warrior you know and that's that's a special bond that they have and I'm just respectful of it that was difficult that was the hardest part yeah I'm sure it was I mean you know Mary and we're going to take a quick break and we're going to come back and and chat about warrior rising stay with us I was the head coach for the put a whole boys varsity tennis team for 22 years and we were fortunate to win 22 consecutive state championships my show is based on my book also titled beyond the lines and it's about leadership creating a superior culture of excellence and finding greatness I feature a wide range of amazing guests who share valuable insights about how going beyond the lines leads to success in everything you do in life I'm looking forward to you joining me every Monday at 11am Aloha welcome back to sister power I'm your host Sharon Thomas Yarbrough and our special guest today is Mary Ann Holland and she's the author of warriors rising how for men to help a boy on his journey to manhood this is so interesting so Mary Ann before we went to break let's bring the audience up to speed and tell us how did you create the black Misfur well so I had never been to a bar mitzvah myself before in fact I just went to my first bar mitzvah a week ago and it was just the most incredible experience and and I you know I after watching this young 13 year old boy go through that celebration with his community and his family it brought me to tears because I realized I was so wish that every black boy had that same experience of that kind of writer passage so so since I had never seen one before last week what I understood about the bar mitzvah is that it's really based on three tenants faith community and accountability and I really thought that that was you know just just super important important and and a great foundation for creating something our own now because we're African-American you know I I created something that fit our culture and of course we you know we don't read the Torah we read the Bible so so one of the things that I had my son do was find a passage in the Bible that he thought was most relevant for him at that moment which he did and then I asked him to for the four mentors write them each a letter describing to them what he admired about them and then share with them what he would like to learn from them and then one of the mentors which is one of my brothers gave him an assignment to write an essay on what it means to be a man and so those are the things he did to prepare himself for his his celebration and then I worked with my very dear friend who's the wife of one of the mentors Ramona and Ramona and I um I know Ramona yeah I know you and Chris and max right exactly and so we you know just just sort of came up with some activities for the course of this week it was a weekend celebration and the activities were designed to be bonding experiences for the men and max now the four men did not know one another before this either so we had a a golfing outing golf outing where my son was the caddy and then there was a real men cook where each of them prepared their favorite recipe and and it was an opportunity for max to not only experience the kitchen but also learn a one really important lesson now I told you my son has cerebral palsy so his fine motor skills are a little bit challenged so I would never let him like use a knife in the kitchen to cut me thing especially at this age he's only 13 and um so but uncle chris he was like oh no he's a man you know he needs to learn how to get in the kitchen he can use a knife and so using cutting a guacamole I mean cutting an avocado to make guacamole that was um my son's first lesson with you know like actually on his own using a knife to like you know prepare for a meal and it was it was powerful to just see the expression in my son's eyes that I can do this you know and it came in with a nod from uncle chris saying you got this you know and and and it made me also recognize that you know mothering him I had been smothering him that I really needed to allow him to just do what he could do and so um so there was that and then we had um a a a boat outing and and max got to drive the boat and you know so so there were these moments where the um men got to you know meet one another hang out play video games talk trash all that kind of stuff they do and and then on for the actual dinner party or birthday celebration with the cake and all for that um that ceremony that was the opportunity for each of the men and and mind you sarin I did not I didn't orchestrate it I didn't I wasn't that organized this was kind of a let you know making it up as we go sure it was the men who each of them took turns that on their own decided to like talk to them about a max and explain to him from a personal space with what their commitment was to him what they expected of him why they loved him it was so beautiful I I sobbed I was just crying the whole time because I had no idea uh what we had actually created and it was just a really beautiful evening and um my son left that table and you could see him walk a little taller I mean he it that was transformational just that through that one weekend he on the other side of that he you know found the strength in himself he saw himself through their eyes and that made a tremendous difference well you know we can hear and feel the passion uh Marianne and that just fills a mother's appearance heart I should say but you know from your book it's about the advanced praise for warrior rising they say it takes a village and while that may be true sometimes it takes an army of men to bring a boy beyond the shadow of adolescence into the harsh daylight and truths of adulthood warrior rising is a book for our times this is from Erica Alexander actor writer producer entrepreneur what would you tell the women out there give them some advice that have challenges with raising their child that has mental emotional spiritual physical challenges what would you tell them to where to start to just be just go forward and take care of them well before I answer that question I just want to make sure that your audience knows that Erica Alexander is the actress and living single the one who played the lawyer yes yes yeah that's Erica all right sister power yeah right so she you want to have her on your show in the future she's remarkable but look it up so what I would what I would say is one of the things that you know we many of us are really good parents you know we want you know we're you know making sure they're in the best schools and you know that they're active and and have an opportunity to try many different things and sports and music and you know what I mean to give them a holistic background to find out what they're good at and and and you know bury them back and forth between important we're really good at that but where would sort of ask parents to really dig deep is is to get to know how do you get to know your child and what I mean by get to know is you know understanding first of all respecting them for their own opinions respecting them for having their own ideas and taking time to really listen and because my son and I are clearly are very close because of all of his the time we've had to spend together because of his you know all the challenges that he said he had and one of the things that I had to do was to be ever mindful of listening to him about what he's feeling what he's thinking and and that that takes a a it takes time and and I want to make sure that we are taking that time to really understand and and assess know who their friends are you know you hear that often you know when a child goes astray or you know something bad happens you know they drugs or or even you know they try to take their life or something drastic happens and then you're saying oh I didn't know oh I you know I thought he was fine well if check-ins so you know my son and I would do check-ins you know on a regular basis and where I'd sit down and talk to him about you know well you know well what are you feeling and and and help him wrestle with what he might be struggling with as best that I could and that's why I say you know when I when he got to be 13 and this was key I'll never forget when repeatedly I was getting the response to but I would ask him how you doing what's going on and he would say to me you won't understand and he said that but about you know 10th time I heard that I went you know what maybe I don't understand and that's one of the reasons that that began this where this idea percolated and I went you know what but maybe we should find you somebody who might understand and in his case I knew that might be another man or men who he could talk to because you know he's a typical boy and I knew that there were things that were coming up for him that I couldn't answer I'm not a boy I don't you know you know he one of the things that he struggled with and it was to the point where and I talk about this in the book is bullying bullying was my son's bane of his existence you know this is a young man you know up until you know the teen years had a lot of self-esteem and he was absolutely fine but then when the other kids are calling him crippled and the girls are treating him like he has the cooties when you know when you're that kid and he knew when he looked in the mirror he saw what they saw and that began to really eat in him in a way that caused him to go through severe depression and there was nothing that and you know all I could do was hug him and of course I wanted to beat up all the kids at the school which make you know totally irrational but um and so these men I knew what our hopes would be able to give him some tools in his toolbox to use to fight he's a fighter so how do you you know how do you stand up to yourself you know how to how to how to you know handle this kind of abuse that was you know that a lot of kids suffer through but just don't know how to handle don't know what you know how to deal with it well you know what Mary Ann this we're going to have to have a part too it is so much to cover in this book bullying and how do you let go and I just want to thank you thank you thank you for your courage you know you have to dig deep to have this type of strength for yourself and for your son so with that said thank you thank you thank you for coming on sister part and we're going to schedule for part two and oceans of aloha peace joy love and happiness aloha