 Section 8 of Who Is Who. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Cibella Denton. Sean McGahey. And Laurie Ann Walden. Who Was Who? by Irwin L. Gordon. Section 8. M. McGinty, a celebrated Irish diver. McGraw, John Jay. Manager of the New York Baseball Organization. Frequently used by Philadelphia Athletics to gain the world's championship. Macbeth. Lady. A Royal Semnambulist. Macintosh. Discoverer of a method of keeping dry outside on a rainy day. Magellan. The man who got into straights and straights. Man. Sand. An old fellow who visits houses blessed with a child. Only calls after supper. Tells the little one he has played enough for the day and sprinkles some sand in his eyes. When man departs the little bundle is asleep in the nursery or all cuddled up in mother's lap. Ambition. Sand for the older folks. Manuel, King of England and late of Portugal introduced Parisian life into Lisbon. Was a very sweet and very wise young man. Overlooked the fact that a king may rule a nation but frequently is a poor press agent. Became incensed at his army and subjects. Moved in haste. Ambition. Lisbon and a dancing queen. Recreation. Watch billboards. Address. Watch billboards. Clubs. Down and out. Epitaph. Emmanuel and his kingdom are soon parted. Marat. One of the fathers of the French Revolution who could rule a city but not a woman. Marcelle, Madam of France. Discovered a good excuse for women to gaze in mirrors. Also caused heart failure on a rainy day. Marconi. Gulliermo. The man who made the inventors of telegraph poles and wires look foolish. His inventions have made it possible for New York stockbrokers to continue their business while journeying to Paris. Mariner. A. Traveller. Albatross razor. Gathered fame by making a voyage with some dead ones. His feet has frequently been duplicated on liners out of the regular tourist season. Marc Saint of Venice. Guarded the pigeons of his square and the tourist who dwelt within his canals. Martini. Manufacturer of an American before-dinner drink which tastes too good. Mary. A young girl who was presented with a famous lamb. Seldom was seen without the animal. Convaded to school with her one day, thus causing considerable mirth among the pupils. Was severely reprimanded by the teacher as it was against the regulations of the institution to permit animals other than the children in the classrooms. M. returned the lamb to the stable. Her biography has been extensively published. Montrelink. A Belgian who believed the best way to get copy about himself into the newspapers was to try to keep it out. Recreation. Bluebird Raising. Maxim. Patron Saint of the American English tourist in Paris who introduced New York prices into a naughty café. When a young man he discovered that the tourists were not paying enough money to see the sights. With the assistance of some handsomely gowned women he opened a café on the Rue Royal where they could. For years it was patronized by his countrymen until they were ruined. Later only royalty and tourists were permitted to enter and form a mistaken idea of the real French café, pay double prices for everything, see a few chorus girls, hear champagne bottles and talk to English speaking waiters. Ambition. Americans. Recreation. Staying at home. Press agent. The Mary widow and the girl from Maxims. Epitaph. Only so are Kimé et Ponce. Maxim. No relation of the above as he only manufactured things to kill people and not to financially ruin them. Medici. Katie. An Italian French woman whose past was uncovered by those historians. Was fond of poison but did not care for Methodists or Presbyterians. Medusa. A celebrated ancient who had the delirium tremens in an acute stage. Mellon. He was the man who tried to cheat the baby out of the bottle. Mendelssohn. Rototune which is usually played when a man goes to his fate. Mennon. The manufacturer of a baby and good complexion prerequisite. Nothing like it for your face after shaving. His picture has been widely distributed but never admired. Mercury. Airened boy for the gods. War a pair of winged feet and feathers in his hat. Was also an artist's model. Ambition. A telegraph. Recreation. Same as the gods. Address. General delivery. Methuselah. An ancient who was not like one in a thousand. Michael. Saint. He kicked the devil out of Paradise and was instantly made the patron saint of France. Mike. Pat's partner. C. Pat. Milton. John. Wrote a Dante book, the title of which is known by everybody and the contents by few. Moe. And Chandon. Two competitors of Mr. Mum who did much to bring the price of champagne to within the reach of millionaires. Mohammed. Inventor of the harem and the man who introduced Mormonism into Arabia. C. B. Young. Also manufactured crescents, religion and made mecca the mecca for everything. Early life spent in business. This did not pay. He then married a widow and retired. Took up religion as a hobby. Became a professional. Found the sword was mightier than his kin. His salvation army was successful. His prisoners were given the alternative of a finely tempered, beautifully inlaid Damascus blade or Islam. They always became fervently religious. Later M. embarked on a marrying campaign with equal success. Publications. The Quran. A treatise on everything. Ambition. The Crescent on every flag. Creation. Walking towards mountains. Stroking his beard. Address. 23 Boulevard. Allah. Mecca. Arabia. Epitaph. A man's works take after him. Molière. Jean B. P. A French author who wrote a few plays we do not have to see alone. Monroe James. The founder of a doctrine. The practicability of which nations desire to learn and yet do not wish to make the test. Morris Samuel G. An inventor who might have used his talent in other lines had Marconi lived before his time. Moses, whose whereabouts in the dark has puzzled all generations. Born in the bulrushes of Egypt. Entered politics as the son of Pharaoh's daughter and the leader of the ghetto. When Moses waxed astute after the manner of his people he discovered there were not sufficient shekels for himself and countrymen in the land of Egypt. He pleaded and plagued the king for permission to close the pawn shops and clothing stores. Now in those days the children of Egypt were want to patronize the bazaars of the children of the chosen and Pharaoh was wroth within himself and refused the passports. The brave rabbi closed the kosher meat stores and took ship's leave. Adopting an original compass he made forced marches to the Red Sea. Here the synagogue was overtaken by Pharaoh and his army. Moses spilled the sea on them and marched on. From this time the journey to the promised land was slow. Whether this was due to good business or sore feet history does not relate. Moses later climbed the mountain and received the ten commandments. After breaking them he returned to camp. He died before the journey was complete. Publications, histories, ambition, a railroad from Cairo to Jerusalem, recreation, tennis and camel racing also enjoyed tent life, address, care of Jewish legation. Moses, holy, no relation of the above. He was the fellow who came around when you hit your finger with the hammer. Muller, Maude, one of the few country girls who never went to New York City. Mom, the man who made the most expensive drink on earth. The products of his sellers are frequently purchased by persons who cannot afford them. They form one of the principal ingredients of a good time, see Paris. Editors note, the editor is personally responsible for the above stated facts. Moon Cousin, Baron, Traveler, Explorer While many of his books, lectures and newspaper interviews have been questioned by scientific men, he is held in high regard due to his failure to claim the discovery of the North Pole. Munyan, doctor, an American herb doctor and an optimist, held the theory that while there was life there was a chance to sell some of his medicine. Murphy, Charles J. See what's who of New York City. N. Napoleon, a little Frenchman who wore a big hat, a little curl on his forehead and whose ambitions were larger than his good luck. Started life by placing Corsica on the map. Like all great men, he was the dunce at school. Later he used his masters and prize-winning chums as first-row soldiers. Entered the army. Never succeeded as a sentry. Frequently amused himself by taking a couple of soldiers and capturing a city or an army between meals. The politicians in Paris saw the young man was not without talents. They gave him a few more soldiers. Then he went after countries. Captured Egypt, but had trouble with one Nelson of England. Napoleon became unpopular with his neighbors. They all attacked him. He attacked them all. That settled it. He ate wars. After the powers were powerless, Napoleon scampered around Europe, adding countries to France. He devoured Germany, went after Russia, but they made it too hot and too cold for him. Had more trouble with that man, Nelson, became rich and divorced. Introduced Roosevelt publicity tactics into France and carried a third term. Started things. Began quarreling again. At last he was cooped up in Paris and flew the white flag. Visited Alba. Revisited France. Started things again. Took some veterans to Belgium. There he was met by another Englishman by the name of Wellington who introduced him to Waterloo. For his kindness in leaving Europe, England presented Napoleon with a whole island. A complimentary guard and paid all his living expenses for six years. Later Napoleon became responsible for one of the sites of Paris. Always carried his right hand in the front of his coat. Ambition of French Nelson, England and Progeny. Recreation walking along the shore. Address. Fontainebleu, Europe. And at sea. Epitaph. I desire that my ashes shall rest on the banks of the Seine among the few French people I did not take to war. Napoleon II. Absent. Napoleon III. He was the man who did not devour Germany. Ambition, rough on rats for the Kaiser in Bismarck. Recreation. Travel. Address. Paris when the Dutchman would permit him. Epitaph. Here lies a Napoleon, but no bone apart. Narcissus. A lover who forgot there were other girls and pined away into a flower and a tiresome song. Nation, Kerry. A window-smashing American liquor suffragette who believed the ridiculous doctrine that all men should be sober all the time. Nebuchadnezzar. King. An old king whose name is blamed hard to spell. Neptune. Boss of the seas. Has charge of the Atlantic liner's wireless and the seasick. Ambition. A bridge from London to New York. Recreation. Storms. Address. Atlantic. Clubs. Yacht. Nero. First name forgotten. A Roman emperor who thought nothing burned like a good, tarred Christian. Also made fire departments a necessity in the eternal city. Ambition. A good show in the Coliseum. Recreation. Fiddling. Clubs. Chorus girls. Epitaph. For he was a jolly good fellow. Nero. Mrs. Nero's wife who had considerable trouble with her husband. Newton. Isaac. A man who was knighted for propounding the theory that it is easier to wait under a tree for an apple to fall than to climb after it. Nick. Old. A friend of everybody no matter who turns them down. We'll stick to you clear to the end. One of those good souls who never fails to give encouragement and grasp you by the hand when you want to do something you know you should not do. Was driven from home when a young man. Set up competition and succeeded wonderfully. Organized the largest community in existence. This is steadily growing despite considerable opposition. N numbers among his friends most of the great people who ever lived. He is counting on others. Caused much worry to mothers and wives, but seldom troubled the men. Publications, French literature, some fine books and pictures. Occupation, looking for idle hands. Ambition, you. Recreation, theaters, cabarets, music halls, cafes, champagne, Monte Carlo, etc. Fond of chorus girls. Address, Paris. N also travels extensively. Epitaph, ad infinitum. Nimrod. The first grouse, pheasant and deer hunter who succeeded without the advantages of a gun, a game preserve or a license. Noah, shipbuilder, animal tamer. A fine old ancestor who had considerable to do in preserving the race for wee posterity. When a young man he shunned the ways of young men and never sat in the seat of the scornful. Studied shipbuilding on the Clyde and designed the largest floating stable on record. Made quite a reputation as an animal collector. Took to the sea when well advanced in years. Noah was the first man to descend Mount Ararat without first making the ascension. Publications, the log of the ark. Ambition, no more floods or a larger crew. Recreation, bridge, address, care of the editor, clubs, yacht, epitaph, deep profundis. Noble, A, of Norway, the inventor of the black hand and labor union weapon. His invention also made possible the premature discharge of dynamite and the awarding of the Nobel prizes. End of Section 8. Section 9. Of Who Is Who. Section 8. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recorded by Sean McGahey. Sabella Denton. And Laurie Ann Walden. O.P.Q. Who Was Who. By Erwin L. Gordon. Oh! O'Connell, Dan. You two have been an Irishman, probably born in Dublin, raised in Dublin, raised cane in Dublin, repealed in Dublin, Dublin in Dublin, died in Dublin. Tradition connects his name with the early stages of the Home Rule Bill. Ambition, Ireland's south of Ulster. Recreation, oratory. Address, Dublin, clubs, Dublin. Favorite color, green. Sweet Rosy, also of Ireland, long dead but still bragged about. Orange, William Of. Also of Ireland. He was the man who made it a crime to wear the color named after him on the 17th of March. C. St. Patrick. Orpheus, Lutist. When a young man he was given a lute, practiced in obscurity and later appeared before large audiences, made several successful concert tours. Married, Eurydice. Spent a happy honeymoon. The bride did not wear shoes. She was bitten by a serpent. She died. Orpheus descended to the abode of old Nick and charmed him with some Grecian ragtime. Nick promised to return the lady if Orpheus would promise to get out of the place without looking around to see what other respectable people were there. Orpheus started for the door. He heard familiar voices and rubbered. That ended the contract. And for all the editor has been able to ascertain, Eurydice is there to this day. Ostler, William. A doctor who was knighted for proposing that all fossils should be ostlerized. Ambition to murder the men who got that story into print. Recreation, medicine. Address, Oxford. Epitaph. He practiced but not what he preached. Othello of Venice. Born in Morocco. Went to Venice and fell in love with one Desdemona, an Italian girl. They were married. Mrs. Othello lost one of her favorite handkerchiefs and was killed by her enraged husband. Shakespeare of England, a writer, heard of the incident and made some money out of it. P. Patryuski, Ignis, Jan. Another farewell concert giver who wore long red hair. A soulful expression ensured his fingers and broke pianos. Palace. A Grecian goddess who was metamorphosed into a raven purge by Poe. Pan. Monstrosity. Musical instrument maker, friend of poets. Born half a man and half a goat. Took after the latter. Added music under the old masters, an outfluted Apollo. Was also a sheep fancier. Fathered fife and drum-core. Ambition, a pair of shoes or a goat's appetite. Recreation, hunting and falling in love. Address, Greece. Clubs, musical. Pan. Peter. A little fellow who was a delightful actress believed in fairies and crowded houses in England and the United States. Pinkhurst. Misses. A celebrated English woman who terrorized a government starved herself, smashed windows, blew up things, and made speeches for a living. Girlhood spent in developing muscle, pluck, and theories. She appeared before the public and declared that the liquor traffic would be terminated when women voted. Spent years of her life wondering why the men would not give them the privilege. Never cared for the ministry although she was a very good woman. Ambition, a woman king. Votes for women in the Union Jack. Recreation, planning the next. Publications, from the cradle to the ballot. Windows I have smashed. Address, London, care of Scotland Yard. Pinkhurst, Sylvia. A little Pinkhurst who helps Mama break things. Pansa, Sancho, Don Coyote's interlocutor and stable boss. Paris, son of the king of Tyre, who ran away with another man's wife named Helen. A city in France has also been named to do him honour. Parnell, C. S. Father of the downfall of English ministries and Ulster. Born of Irish parents. First man to successfully explode dynamite in Parliament without being executed. Ambition, an Ulster-less Ireland. A conservative-less England. Address, close to the English ministry. Epitaph, the Bill's men introduced live after them. Parsifal, the longest-winded singer who ever stepped on an opera stage. Pasteur, doctor, discoverer. Experimented with mad dogs until he came to the conclusion that they should be shot or chained. A subway station in Paris has been named after him. Patrick, Saint. A Scotchman who drove all the snakes out of Ireland, with the exception of those in bottles. Also introduced the Brogue and the Shamrock into the Emerald Isle. Pat, also of Ireland. At an early stage he emigrated to the United States. There he took up the hod-carrying business. Went on to the stage and set the world laughing. He also entered politics, captured the American police force, and together with his brothers in Parliament, rules Great Britain and the United States. Patty, Adelina. A singer who said au revoir but not good-bye. Epitaph, Camgrano Salis. Pair, the man who names most of the London buses and keeps the people of England clean for a penny a week. His business is international, with the exception of Glasgow and Italy. Editors note, this is not an advertisement. The editor does not use soap. Piri, Captain Robert E., explorer who said he reached the North Pole and convinced a few people, was also forced to write a book and lecture. Publications, how Dr. Cook almost got ahead of me. Ambition, that a certain man had not made him get all the way there the last time. Grave, the Cook incident. Penn, William. A man whose picture appears on all Quaker Oats boxes. An Englishman who left his country, bought Pennsylvania, built the slow old town of Philadelphia, and hung up the American Liberty Bell. Pericles, of Athens. Political boss, philosopher, and general. Secured his reputation through brains, a voice, and a well-oiled political machine. Started the Golden Age of Greece with a loud blast of the horn of plenty. Peter, no relation to the following. He introduced the art of chocolate making into Switzerland and the art of eating it into America. Ambition. More children and people with sweet teeth. Peter, Saint. A fine old bearded Saint who is an excellent bookkeeper and a detester of roosters. A church in Rome has taken his name. Ambition, a new key. Recreation, oiling hinges. Address, Golden Gates. Pharaoh, of Egypt. Benefactor of Moses and Joseph. Was also the father of Pharaoh's daughter. Built a few pyramids, cigarette factories, and made a handsome mummy. Philip II. A king of Spain who, with an armada to press his suit, endeavored to marry a queen of England. Both the suit and the armada were left in the Bay of Biscay, and the queen an old maid. Ambition. To the Inquisition with all Englishmen. Muddle. Saint Heart, Never One Fair Lady. Address, Spain. Pinot, Edward, discoverer of the only thing which would have saved your hair. Pinkham, Lydia. A vegetable compound fame. Made a fortune out of advertisements, little boxes of pills, and women who believed what they read. Piper, Peter. Famous picker of pickled peppers. Also held accounts against many people. Caused considerable worry to his creditors. Pittman, Isaac. Discovered a method of making political speakers more careful of what they said. His invention has secured wealthy husbands for many a pretty and poor stenographer. Plutarch. The only man who had more lives than a cat. Pluto. Boss of the underworld until old Nick got on the job. Also the manufacturer of a morning beverage. Pluvius, E. Was the fellow who always made it rain when you wanted to wear your new hat or go to a ball game. Po, Ed A. An American poet who specialized in ravens and cold chills. Pawn Carey. Raymond. A Frenchman who has a splendid opportunity to get out of this book. Pollux. Lita's other twin. C. Mother and Brother. Polo, Marco. F-R-G-S. Traveller, discoverer, and lecturer. Began expeditions from Venice. Discovered China, Japan, and the Orient. Returned to Venice and doctor-cooked his neighbors. He is supposed, however, to have visited the countries as he produced a pair of chopsticks, a Chinese laundry, and some Japanese lanterns. These were accepted as proofs by the University of Venice. Ambition. The North Pole. Pompadour. Madame. Quaffer. Queen of France. Said to have been a peach. Was a great friend of Louis XV and helped make the dances at Versailles a success. Ambition. Plenty of hair. Recreation. Versailles. Address? C. Louis. Clubs? Auntie. Pal Biden. Robert S. A warrior who retired from service and invented soldiers to be shot when the next big war comes along. Procrastinator. T. H. E. An extinct man who believed in the doctrine of tomorrow. He was a thief but was never convicted. Ancient records state he invariably had an excuse for present inactivity but would promise results the following day. Was a close friend of failure. Put off everything except death and even did his best to keep him away as long as possible. Matto. No time like the future. Ambition. To accomplish tomorrow what the other fellow is doing today. Recreation. Always before business. Address? Nobody knows. Clubs? Many. Progress. Pilgrim. An Englishman who made an extensive journey encumbered with a large pack. He visited Paris, had some hair breath escapes, was stuck in the mud but finally returned and became respectable like all other Englishmen. Puccini. Giacomo. Maker of tunes and certain calls. A musician who did not starve and who gave the classical name La Finacula del Vest to the plain girl of the Golden West. Pullman. An American who invented an expensive means of travel. Pullman is also responsible for the vast fortunes acquired by porters. Punch. Husband of Judy and a great favorite with the children even if he did beat his old wife. Let a hand pecked life. Traveled in several European countries and spoke all the best selling languages. His name has been given to a serious London publication. Pythagoras. A Greek who said some people would be pigs after they were dead. Cue. Editor's note. The editor apologizes for the few cues who have been famous. Quietus Fluvius of Rome always put his name to everything when he came around. Quixote. Don. Famous knight errant of Spain. Made some desperate conquests for his lady love and was defeated by a windmill. In all his defeats, however, he showed to the world that a laugh cuts deeper than a sword and that satire would kill where a lance could not penetrate. The word quixotic is used to his commemoration. End of Section 9. Section 10. R. Who was who? Edited by Irwin L. Gordon. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recorded by Sean McGahey. Cibela Denton. And Laurie Ann Walden. R. Editor's note. The editor apologizes for the character of the R's who have been famous. Raleigh Walter. One of the men who was permitted to hold hands with Queen Elizabeth. His other feats were the introduction of the pipe into England and the plug into Ireland. Ramses II. An Egyptian king who went about building burial mountains, statues to himself, and permitting cigarettes to be named after him. Raphael. A decorator who took paint in its raw state and made it worth money. Filled walls, principally in Italy, with some expensive paintings, and like Angelo used the Vatican as his studio. Ambition. Churches with larger walls. Recreation. Painting. Art. And canvas weaving. Address? All galleries. Reconye, Madame of Paris. Supplied the society column to the newspapers. To be invited to her salon meant that you would get plenty to eat, that you were somebody, that you would see somebody, and that you would have to wear your Sunday clothes. Her RSVPs were always accepted. R finally lost her money and with it her friends. Ambition, the man of the hour. Epitaph. When she had it she spent it. Rembrandt. Dutch painter who specialized in portraits of old ladies and Rembrandt. Also brought considerable fame down upon himself by filling a museum in Amsterdam with tourists drawing paintings. Remington. The man who invented a typewriter at which many pretty stenographers sit. Editor's note. Advertisement for the stenographers, not the machine. Reviewer. The book. He is the fellow who said a chef drove like who was who should be used for ballast. Rhodes. Cecil. A poor boy who saved his money and purchased South Africa. Rhodes. Colossus of. A giant of antiquity who was not killed by a stone. He rusted to death. Richelieu Cardinal. The man who held down the throne for Louis XIII and disagreed with the Duke of Buckingham. Ritz. Endkeeper who made hotels in which we would all like to stop but cannot. Ambition, Americans and English nobility. Recreation, visiting his hotels. Address? Ritz and Carlton. Clubs? Does not need any. Robespierre. A French politician who had the opportunity of doing to his enemies what most politicians would like to do to theirs. Was finally voted out and down. Robinson. Jack. Brother of Sam Hill. He claimed distinction simply because some people were sufficiently clever to do things before his name could be pronounced. Rockefeller. John D. An American who endeavored to drive his camel through the eye of a needle by giving advice, building churches and colleges and squeezing competitors. Like all millionaires he was born penniless. Rockefeller worked hard, helped the missions out of his three dollars a week, married and purchased some oil fields. He struck oil. He made it in a trust. Then he began purchasing colleges to keep young men out of business. As his wealth increased his stomach and hair wore out. Could make seven people dizzy thinking of his money. Spent the latter portion of his life dodging subpoena servers and doubling his fortune by the dissolution of his business. Ambition. More churches, colleges and less competition. Also another Supreme Court decision. Recreation. Golf. The coiffures. And telling young men of the futility of competition. Address. Courts and church. Clubs. YMCA. When he can spare the time from his legal and congressional investigations. Rockefeller. John D. Jr. The little Rockefeller who will have the fun of spending it. He was a good boy and told other young men how fortunate they were in being born poor and all about the fungus which grows on the root of all evil. Never knew what a good time he could have with his dad's coin in Paris. Ambition. To be like father. Recreation. Sunday school. Occupation. Forming new trusts and enlarging the old ones. Clubs. YMCA. Rodin Auguste. A Frenchman who did his utmost to fill European and American galleries with statues at a prize which would have made Mike Angelo a billionaire. Rogysfinski. Admiral. A great Russian admiral and sea fighter who gloriously defeated the fishing squadron in the English Channel. Later hit a snag in the Orient. Romeo. Juliet's best fellow who learned that his road to true love ended in a cemetery. Romulus. Remus' twin. Collaborated with his brother in home life and in building Rome. Roosevelt. Theodore. Nom de Plume. T. R. Teddy. Press agent. The Outlook. I. Traveller. Teddy Bear manufacturer. Lecturer. Interview giver. Museum collector. Me. Guildhall orator. Delighted. Myself. Mousser. Hunter. Bandwagon driver. Bandwagon. Panama canal. Ruffrider. Circus leader. Circus. Down with Rafter. And a former retired and retiring President of the United States. When a young man he spent his father's money by going to college, shooting lions, and raising a large family. During the Spanish-American War he employed a troop of Ruffriders, stormed up San Juan Hill, and got into the newspapers. And made up his mind he would stay there. Roosevelt became Governor of New York State with ambitions. Being a wealthy man and capable of contributing to the cause of the Republican Party, he was elected Vice President of the United States. A hand other than his own made him President. Here his newspaper career really began. Roosevelt first opened a three-ring circus in the White House, wore a Ruffrider hat, and told the country what a great President he was. The voters believed him and did not object to four years more. During this administration Roosevelt successfully advertised himself, the family, started the Panama Canal, and appointed one William Howard Taft, C. Poor Bill, his successor. Roosevelt then traveled through Africa with a magnificent bodyguard of photographers and newspaper men. After shooting a museum full of specimens he toured Europe and told the king how to king and the emperors how to imp. Returning to the United States he placed his hand in state politics. Fingers were badly burned. When it came time to elect another President Roosevelt was tired of scene shifting and yearned for the bouquets of the audience. He girded up his loins with the robes of sanctity, placed an international harvester trust halo over his head, and proclaimed himself a Second Moses who was destined to lead the children of America out of the land of the frying pan into that of the fire. With a mighty army of politicians who also wanted to get back Roosevelt started his campaign with such a huge band he could not hear any others. The fight was based on telling the voters how easily they had been deceived four years earlier and what he had told them concerning that mollycoddle Taft. Roosevelt was elected by the greatest majority in history until the ballots were hatched. Later he joined the ranks of William Jennings Bryan, Publications, The Eye Books, Ambition to Get Back into Who's Who and Washington, Address, The Outlook, Oyster Bay for Newspaper Men, Clubs, Founder of the Ananias, Epitaph, Same as Bryan's. Ross Childs, the Morgan Rockefellers of Europe without quite as much money. Roy Robert, a very wicked Scotchman whom we all hope will always escape the police. Rubent P.P., an artist who realized styles frequently changed and therefore painted fat people without their clothes. Ruth Charlotte, a pleasant creature but one who sometimes caused pain after a visit. Russia, the, Tsarov, an anti-bomb-loving monarch with modern subjects and a tenth-century brain. His childhood was spent in a steel-lined cage guarded by the army and the fleet. He was crowned in a bomb-proof church by a thoroughly searched clergyman, only the crown, the crowner, and the crowned being present to witness the ceremony. Seldom goes about the country as he fears the heartfelt expressions of his subjects. In 1908 he became mixed up with Japan. Is now economizing. Ambition. Only life. Recreation. Dissolving. Dumas. Signing death warrants. Address. Large packages are always opened by the servants. Send letters. Care. St. Petersburg Police Department. Clubs. Army. Epitaph. It is a wonder he did not have this long ago. End of section 10. Section 11. S. Who Was Who? Edited by Irwin L. Gordon. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Subella Denton. Sean McGahey. And Laurie Ann Walden. S. Salome. A celebrated dancer who could fill the largest opera houses in the world with bald heads, opera glasses, and jealous women. She is still in Who's Who, and probably will remain there until arrested. Sam. Uncle. A tall, lean, good-natured, rich man who sets paces and spends his money. Born July 4th, 1776, son of Great Britain. Godfathered by France. Was an impetuous baby. Education. School of experience at Washington. S. was assisted in early life by a number of men who took an interest in him. When thirty-six years of age, he chastised his mother, but later became on excellent terms. Went in for land and colonisation business. Succeeded. At the age of eighty-four, S. suffered from a severe attack of internal indiscretion. Recuperated slowly. Later entered the trust-raising business and devoted considerable time to politics. In 1897 he spanked a European power, but had to take care of the children after the incident. S. is either Republican or Democrat. Favours the former, although once in a while he desires change. wore a goatee, long hair, high hat, a suit made out of the flag, smoked cigarettes, had bad manners, and used much slang. Publications, banknotes. Ambition, another Republican president. Address, Washington, D.C., U.S.A. Epitaph. If he ever gets one he deserves it. Samson. Exponent of hair restore, and an iconoclast. When a young man he rehearsed his muscles until he could break a chain and lift a fat lady. Entered the army. Was successful until he became bald. Committed suicide by pushing a temple on himself. Sando, a pupil of the above, vaudeville star and coin collector. One of those individuals whom nature has endowed with a magnificent body, and sufficient brains to make money with it. Santos Dumont. A pre-Zeppelin right-air investor who had enough money and sense to quit before people remarked how natural he looked. Savonarola. A reformer of Florence, Italy, who succeeded in closing the cafes, theatres, and dance halls. He was popular with the masses until Election Day. When the opposition returned they made it hot for him. Sawyer. Thomas. A plain American boy who was rescued from obscurity by Mark Twain, and became a good salesman. Schlitz. Press agent of Milwaukee, U.S.A., who was successful in advertising himself in his town. In England he is Schwepps. Schopenhauer. Father of race suicide. Lionized by the French Republic and TR. Ambition. Empty cribs. Recreation. Trips with his wife and children. Clubs. Mothers. Scots. Mary. Queen of. A scotch lady who is said to have been beautiful, who fell in love, and was one of the few women whose less attractive sister got the better of her. Scott Walter. A scotch man who secured fame without adopting the national characteristics. His critics claim this was the reason he failed in business. Wrote some books which are read by students and persons possessing much time. Sebastian. Saint. The Italian who was shot with arrows and ran second to the apostles in the number of his portraits exhibited in European galleries. Sidelets. Powder manufacturer. Seville. Barber of. A celebrated tauntsoralist who introduced the Marsal wave and the Gillette razor into Spain. Shackleton. Ernest. Another pole explorer. He was saved the ignominy of reaching the desired point by the shortness of rations, but he was near enough to become a profitable author and lecturer. Shakespeare. William. The man who was born at Stratford on Avon. When a young man, he amused himself by poaching, visiting the Hathaway Cottage and being the village pest. Married the inmate of the cottage and went to London, a city in England. Shakespeare became an apprentice actor and was said to have been nearly as bad an actor as his contemporaries. His fame later arose due to his growing popularity. He died. Shakespeare's birthplace is now one of the tourist sites of the world. More postcards are sent from this town than from any of its size in Europe. The church where he lies buried has an immense floating congregation. Shakespeare also shared honors with one bacon for writing a few plays. Ambition. Present day prices in Elizabethan theaters. Recreation. Rehearsals. Address. The world. Epitaph. Has been obliterated. Shampoo. A barber of Shupu, China, who introduced the art of clean hands into the celestial empire. This has since fallen into disrepute in that country, but is sometimes practiced in other lands. Shaw. G. Bernard. Grouch. Truth teller. An English writer who made money by being honest enough to tell people what they knew. Shaw's enemies claim he would have to work should his theories be put into practice. Believes in socialism and wants everything. Author of considerable sarcasm, wit, and divided opinion as to his talents. Ambition and American-less England. Also sales. Address. Watch billboards. Sheba. Queen of. An ancient mere woman who matched her brains against the brainiest man who ever lived. She lost. Shem. Noah's heir. Was first officer of the Ark. Sherman. General. Secured his fame by marching to the sea and giving a terse definition of war. Sherry. Proprietor of a New York restaurant where a person feels wealthy well at the table and poor afterward. Shu. Old woman of the. One of those anti-race suicide mothers whose family caused considerable worry. Ambition. A better job for her husband. Address. Shu. Clubs. She did not have time for any and thus could not be a suffragette. Shuster. Morgan. An American child who attempted to play the diplomatic game in Persia with grownups. Was spanked and sent home. Occupation. Crying. Ambition. Ambassador to a country without diplomats. Address. Home. Shylock. See New York City Business Directory. Simon. Simple. Epicurean. Passed an uneventful life with the exception of an encounter with a confectioner near the fairgrounds. The man operated his business on a cash basis. Simon was broke and no sale was consummated. Sinbad. An old tar whose yarns are still on the distaff. Sisters. Seven. Sutherland. An older family who held out salvation for the bald and envy to women. Smith. John. The bravest man who ever lived. Smith ate the first lobster. Smith. John. Secured his renown for living in every city in the world. Socrates. He helped introduce brains into Greece. Committed suicide. Solomon. King. Author. Musician. Builder. Benedict. Mormon who established a record for wearing wedding clothes. When a child he developed a Boston brain. This grew as the years advanced. At a tender age he began acquiring mothers-in-law. This caused his subjects to doubt his acumen. S. Thoroughly vindicated himself and set about building a city in a big church to hold his family. Wrote a number of popular songs. His proverbs also had a big sale. Ambition. Just one more wife and an end to those quarrels in the harem. Recreations. Picnics with the family. Also was fond of the phonograph. Address. Care the Mrs. Solomon. Effetav. Here lies the original man who knew it all. Son. Prodigal. Tourist. Oatsower. And herdsman. Son of wealthy parents. Became tired of home and desire to travel. Visited foreign lands and had a jolly good time. His letter of credit expired. Friends were never at home after the event. Son had to work. Later he took a bath and walked home. Father was delighted and gave a banquet in his honor. Unpopular with his brother. Career. Wild. Satisfaction. Saw something of life. Address. Home. Susa. John P. American bandmaster who wrote books and shot pigeons between march compositions. Spencer. Herbert. A scientist who believed the human race degenerated from monkeys. And established the theory that only the survivors are the fittest. Suffragette. T. H. E. A woman who lived years ago in Great Britain and the United States. Who believed that noble man was incompetent, incomplete, incompatible, incongruent, inconsistent, and an incubus in his incurious incumbency. She was the daughter of too much time and too much money. Early days spent at home. She married and began her career. Suffragette's first weakness was a club. Then she fell to the level of a speechmaker and a flag carrier. The fanatical desire to see her name in print led to the adoption of strenuous press agent tactics. She died fighting. Ambition. To offset her husband's vote on election day. Recreation. Parading. Windows. Bombs. Letterboxes. English ministries. And a strain of etc. Epitaph. Requiescott. And paquet. Also see Mrs. Pankhurst and Hope. Suffragette. T. H. E. Anty. Still lives but is dying fast. Belongs to the moss back half of femininity. Has serious objection to the use of her head. Except for decorative purposes. Was not averse to press notices and looked with envy on the achievements of the suffragettes in this direction. Being denied high office in their ranks because of lack of adequate cerebration. She set up a rival organization where brains were not requisite. Entertains the utterly absurd idea that all women except herself belong at home with their husband and children. Where they belong in absence of these, the ponents sayeth not. Ambition. Continued parasitic existence. Recreation. Manufacturing evidence and tagging on behind. Address. Wherever there are suffrage meetings. Epitaph. Alas! The world does move and she was again it. Solzer. William. The kettle who called Murphy black. Also the governor of New York who enjoyed the unprecedented honor of retiring from office in order that he might be considered a progressive. Modo. Be sure your sins will get you out. Ambition. To be a martyr to the claws. Diet. Tigers. Epitaph. You may air. You may perfume your clothes as you will. But the smell of impeachment will cling to you still. End of section 11. Section 12. Who Was Who? Limited by Irwin L. Gordon. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recorded by Sean McGahey. Cibela Denton. And Laurie Ann Walden. T. Taft. William Howard. A former fat and last Republican president of the United States who worshiped the trusts, the Constitution, the Supreme Court and Theodore Roosevelt. The love he bore the latter resulted in his election. The two brothers quarreled because Bill would not step aside and let Teddy run things all over again. The two brothers fought and another ran away with the election. Principal events during Taft's administration. Roosevelt's trip. The outlook. Oyster Bay. Standard oil. Fat election. Ambition. 1916. Recreation. Golf. Messages to Congress. Address Cincinnati, Ohio. Epitaph. How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless predecessor. Tanglefoot. He was the man who first stuck flies on flypaper. Tangleway. Eva. An actress who did not care even if those on the front row did. Tennyson. Lord. An English poet who turned a perpetual light on a charging brigade. Terry. Ellen. A dear old lady whom the world wishes the footlights might always shine upon and upon whom the curtain would never descend. Thaw. Harry K. Famous lawyer in Dour. Entered life as the rich son of a wealthy father. Became interested in the stage at an early age but only got as far as the course. Later performed on a New York roof garden. Alienists say he was the sanest crazy man and the craziest sane man who ever lived. Also obtained some publicity by expensive exploring in Canada and New Hampshire. Ambition. Wreaths for Jerome. Recreation. Straightening jackets. Address? See this morning's paper. Themistocles. A Greek warrior who fought but did not run a marathon. Third. Richard D. A king of England who showed how much he thought of the country by offering to exchange it for any kind of a horse. Thumb. Thomas. A white pygmy who enriched himself through his misfortunes and the curiosity of the world. Tiberius. Just a Roman emperor who fitted the job. Tiffany. Of New York City. London and Paris. Introduced high prices into the jewelry business. Greatly admired by fiancés and millionaires. Has gained considerable fame as his products will pawn on a good margin. Ambition. A man in love. Editor's note. This is not an advertisement as the editor is not an actress. Time. Father. A very old man who has been introduced to everybody. Very unpopular with the ladies. Great wound and sorrow healer but unkind to the old. He went about the world changing babies into men and women and placing gray hair and wrinkles where they were never wanted. Author of tears. Recreation. Reaping. Address. Your home. Epitaph. Ad phenom. Tintoretto. A Venetian painting manufacturer. Together with Paul Rubens he held the record for covering canvas and wearing out brushes. Recreation. He never had any. Titian. Another painter of Venice. His works have always been popular with the men. They are exhibited in all European galleries and cause consternation among clergymen and school teachers. Tea certainly could paint. Ambition. Models. Recreation. Models. Tolstoy. A voice out of the dark. Tom. See Richard and Harry. Tom. Uncle. An old Negro actor who appeared in every city, town, village and hamlet in the United States, north of the Confederate States. His history was written by Mrs. H.B. Stowe and was the match which kindled the Civil War. The Northerners have since learned that all Negroes are not Uncle Tom's and are wondering whether any mistakes were made back in 1861. Tourist. T.H.E. A man and woman who carried a camera, bought postcards, read Baderkers, visited Cook's office, rode in carriages and then told their friends all about the trip. Ambition. Just one look at everything. Address. Principally Europe. Epitaph. They came. They saw. They vanished. Troy. Hellenove. A peach of a girl who eloped with a man and caused the longest siege in history to make her elope back again. Turner. J.M.W. An English painter whose paint exploded on canvas. Twain. Mark. An American who wore long white hair, made after dinner speeches, received university degrees and made people laugh. Twins. Siamese. Two men who were closer than brothers. Twist. Oliver. One of those unfortunates whose history had to be divulged for the financial gain of a great writer and many theatrical managers. You. Uffizi. An Italian who prevented scores of the old masters from starving to death by filling his house in Florence with their canvases. Since the Morgan Art Raid, the market price has advanced and Uffizi's investment has become profitable. Ulysses. Warrior. Inventor. Spring into fame at the Siege of Troy, where he invented the horse which recaptured Hellen. Escaped from polyphemus, a one-eyed giant, by sticking a burning telegraph pole in his eye. Later performed his greatest feat by evading the sirens. Stayed away from home so much his wife forgot what he looked like. His dog, however, recalled the scent and prevented Ulysses from sleeping in the barn. Press agent. Homer. Recreation. Travel. Wars. Address. Ithaca. Underwood. Oscar. Known as Underwood Bill. A gentleman from Alabama who walked in a presidential but ran in a senatorial race. He had something to do with the high cost of tariffing. Unknown. The man who painted thousands of pictures in art galleries. V. Velazquez. Spanish canvas coverer. In the absence of the camera, he was appointed the court oil photographer. Exposed the portrait of Philip IV in every gallery in the world. Art textbooks think a great deal of Velazquez. Vanderbilt. An American family of means who possess a few railroads, much of New York City, some splendid divorces and a weakness for Newport and newspapers. Van Dyke. Beard inventor and artist. A Dutchman who invaded England with portraits and his tonsorial achievements. Van Houten. He was the man who put Coco in tin boxes. Venus. A dream of a girl who lived long ago, posed for her statue and had to die after everybody fell in love with her. Was born and painted at sea. Married at an early age. Was a regular heartbreaker. V had an affair with one Adonis and later with Vulcan. Not much is known of her old ladyhood as she refused to pose for statues when advanced in years. Ambition. Parisian gowns. The love of the gods. Recreation. Love. Address. The Louvre. Paris. The Uffizi Gallery. Florence. Clubs. She was too good-looking to be a suffragette. Vercinets. Paul. Decorator of the Dogeus Palace. Venice. And contributor to most galleries. His work was nearly as prolific as Rubens and two or three of his paintings compare favorably with the naughty Titian. Vespasian. The man who built the Colosseum in Rome for the tourists. Vespucci. A. An enterprising journalist who arrived on the scene after the discovery had been made. Vespucci wrote the story in such a clever manner he succeeded in cheating the discoverer out of naming the place. C. Columbus. Victor. He was the man who put the fox terrier in front of the talking machine. Vincci. Leonardo da. Painted Mona Lisa for the Louvre, Paris. His reputation has soared in proportion to the duration of her absence. Ambition. To be the Morgan family painter. Recreation. Looking for purchasers. Epitaph. He has finished his last supper. Virgil. An old textbook writer. Had something to do with the Aeneid. Virgin. Vestal. An old maid of Rome who was locked up in the Forum for protection. She attended the gladiatorial contests and played with her thumbs. Vitus. Saint. Dancing master whose repertoire did not include the turkey trot. Voltaire. A Frenchman who went around with a bad taste in his mouth. Vulcan. Fireman and Tinsmith. Made a number of celebrated forgings. Had a career like the ancients and fell in love with Venus. W. Wagner. Dick. A Dutchman who wrote a few sheets of music. Went into the opera business. But died before the good singers or Hammerstein prices appeared. Walker. Johnny. 1820. Spent most of his life at your favorite bar until you appeared. Walton. Isaac. He was the fellow who started those awful fish stories. Washington. George. Child model. Father. Etc. Spent early days chopping trees, holding conversations with his father, killing Indians and being brave. Later he drove those tea-selling Englishmen from the United States, said farewell to his troops and became a politician. Washington decided he was not good enough for a third term and retired. His picture has been widely distributed. Ambition. To be the happy father of a big uncle Sam. Recreation. Powdering his wig. Address. Washington. Clubs. Anti-Ananias. Washington. Booker tea. Only a distant relation of the above. A big black man who went about the country raising money to put brains into ivory. He also told his audience how unfortunate they were in not being coons. See Uncle Tom. Watson. Doctor. He Boswell'd Sherlock Holmes. Webster. Dan. An American statement and a member of Congress before the invention of investigating committees. He died famous. Webster. Noah. Writer. Writer. Reference bookmaker. And language itemizer. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. past, question mark, press agent, frankly, har, ambition, millionaires, recreation, after 11.45 p.m. Epitaph, when will there be another like her? Wigs, misses, a woman who successfully advertised cabbages. Williams, he was the man who ruined the shaving-mug business. Wilson, puddin' head, a young lawyer who was fathered by Mark Twain. No relation to the following. Wilson Woodrow, one-time president of an American football educational institution who outgrew his job. He moved up to be governor, made a few cure-all speeches, introduced Roosevelt to Brian, changed his address to Washington, took out a watchful waiting policy, is now in who's who, but whether he will remain in that publication or this one cannot be determined at the time of going to press. Ambition to keep Roosevelt and Brian running, recreation, teaching, browning, other brain exercises, thinking, Congress, address, Washington, care, Joseph Tumulti, clubs, pedagogy, Mexican. Winslow, misses, known over the world as the lady who sues the baby's little tummy. Wonderland, Alice Of, Travellus Discoverus, made a lady of the Royal Geographical Society. She was a great favorite of the children and many grown-ups. She always will remain a who's who-is. Woosley, Cardinal, a churchman who combined politics with his profession, became wealthy, unfortunate, and was finally written up by Shakespeare. Right, Orville, one of the inventors of the aeroplane who knows the inside of the business and believes one life on the ground is worth two in the air. X. Editor's note. The editor is again compelled to apologize for the exes. Xenophon, a Greek who endeavored to introduce some morals into his country. He died young. Xylophonese, inventor of the xylophone. Y. Yael, Eli, founder of the enemy of Harvard and Princeton, football, pipe, and bulldog fancier. Yorick, an acquaintance of Hamlet who was recognized even in an emaciated condition. Yung, Brigham, the man who introduced Mohammedanism into the United States and placed Utah on the flag. When a young man he became a strong anti-monogamist, moved west with his wives. Utah increased in population and was admitted as a state. After building a great temple dedicated to Hyman, he died, leaving a considerable family and a few widows. Heirs, see Utah census. Ambition, London, and New York in Utah. Address, Utah. Clubs, race suicide. Epitaph, like father, like son. Zed. Zanguel, Israel. A child of the ghetto who believes the pen was more profitable than the pack. Ambition, the promised utopia. Recreation, Zanguel plays. Address, the ghetto. Clubs, A-O-H. Zany, A. The book reviewer who said who was who was the greatest book ever written. Zeppelin, Ferdinand. Manufacturer of wrecked dirigibles and an aeronaut who knew how to land. Insurance still in vogue. Ambition, the elevation of the German army. Recreation, aeronautics with the Kaiser. Address, air. Clubs, A-R-O. Zoro Raster. He was the man who introduced fires into warm countries. He also thanks the readers in the name of the editor for their kind attention. End of Who Was Who, edited by Erwin L. Gordon.