 Chapter 1 of New Treasure Seekers The Road to Rome or the City Storeway This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Leo Green New Treasure Seekers by Edith Nespith Chapter 1 We bastables have only two uncles, and neither of them are our own natural-born relatives. One is a great uncle, and the other is the uncle from his birth of Albert, who used to live next door to us in the Louisian Road. When we first got to know him, it was over some baked potatoes, and it's quite another story. We called him Albert next door's uncle, and then Albert's uncle for short. But Albert's uncle and my father joined in taking a jolly house in the country, called the Moat House, and we stayed there for summer holidays. And it was there, through an accident to a pilgrim with peas in his shoes. That's another story too, that we found Albert's uncle's long lost love. And as she was very old indeed, 26 next birthday, and he was ever so much older in the veil of years, he had to get married almost directly, and it was fixed for about Christmas times. And when our holidays came, the whole six of us went down to the Moat House with father and Albert's uncle. We never had a Christmas in the country before. It was simply ripping, and the long lost love, her name was Miss Ashley, but we were allowed to call her Aunt Margaret, even before the wedding, made it really legal for us to do so. She and her jolly soldier man brother used to come over, and sometimes we went to the sedars where they live. And we had games and charades and hide and seek, and devil in the dark, which is a game girls pretend to like, and very few do really, and crackers and a Christmas tree for the village children, and everything you can jolly well think of. And all the time, whenever we went to the sedars, there were all sorts of silly fuss going on about the beastly wedding, boxes coming from London with hats and jackets in, and wedding presents, all glassy and silvery, or else brooches and chains, and clothes sent down from London to choose from. I can't think how a lady can want so many petticoats and boots and things just because she's going to be married. No man would think of getting 24 shirts and 24 waistcoats and so on, just to be married in. It's because they're going to Rome, I think, Alice said, when we talked it over before the fire in the kitchen, the day Mrs. Petticoo went to see her aunt, and we were allowed to make toffee. You see, in Rome you can only buy Roman clothes, and I think they're all stupid bright colours. At least they know where the stashes are. Yes, dear, now, Oswald, my face is all burnt black. Oswald took the spoon, though it was really not his turn by three. But he is one whose nature is so that he cannot make a fuss about little things, and he knows he can make toffee. Lucky Hounds, H.O. said, to be going to Rome, I wish I was. Hounds isn't polite, H.O., dear, Dora said, and H.O. said, well, lucky barge is then. It's the dream of my life to go to Rome, Noelle said. Noelle is our poet brother. Just think of what the man says in the Roman road. I wish they'd take me. They won't, Dicky said. It cost an awful lot. I heard father saying so only yesterday. It would only be the fair, Noelle answered, and I'd go there, or even in a cattle truck, or a luggage van. And when I got there, I could easily earn my own living. I'd make ballads and sing them in the streets. The Italians would give me lures. That's the Italian kind of shilling. They'd spell it with an eye. He chose how poetical they are out there. They're calling it that. But you couldn't make Italian poetry, H.O. said, staring at Noelle with his mouth open. Oh, I don't know so much about that. Noelle said. I could jolly soon learn anyway. And just to begin with, I'd do it in English. There are sure to be some people who would understand. And even if they didn't, don't you think their warm, southern hearts would be touched to see a pale, foreign figure sinking plenty of ballads in an unknown tongue? I do. Oh, they chuck along the liars fast enough. They're not hard and cold like North people. Why, everyone here is a brewer or a baker or a bunker or a butcher or something dull. Over there, they're all bandits or vineyarders. Or play the guitar or something. And they crush the red grapes and dance and laugh in the sun. You know jolly well they do. This stuff is about done, said Oswald suddenly. H.O., shut your silly mouth and get a cup full of cold water. And then, what with dropping a little of the tough into the water to see if it was ready and pouring some on a plate that wasn't buttered and not being able to get it off again when it was cold without breaking the plate. In the warm raw there was about it being one of the best dinner service ones. The wild romances of Noah's poetical intellect went out of our heads altogether. And it was not still later and when dipping the waters of affliction that they were brought back to us. Next day H.O. said to Dora, I want to speak to you all by yourself and me. So they went into the secret staircase that creaks and hasn't been secret now for countless years. And after that Dora did some white sewing she wouldn't let us look at. And H.O. helped her. It's another wedding present you may depend. Dicky said, a busy surprise I shouldn't wonder. And no more was said. The rest of us were busy skating on the moat for it was now freezing hard. Dora never did care for skating. She says it hurts her feet. And now Christmas and Boxing Day passed like a radiating dream and it was the wedding day. We all had to go to the bride's mother's house before the wedding so as to go to church with the wedding party. The girls had always wanted to be somebody's bridesmaids and now they were. In white cloth coats like coachmen with lots of little capes and white beaver bonnets. They didn't look so bad but rather as if they were in a Christmas card and their dresses were white silk like bucket handkerchiefs under the long coats. And their shoes had real silver buckles our great Indian uncle gave them. H.O. went back just as the wagonette was starting and came out with a big brown paper parcel. We thought it was the secret surprise person Dora had been making and indeed when I asked her she nodded. We little wrecked what it really was or how our young brother was going to shove himself forward once again. He will do it. Nothing you say is of any lasting use. There were a great many people at the wedding quite crowds. There was lots to eat and drink and though it was all cold it did not matter because there were blazing fires in every fireplace in the house and the place all decorated with holy and mistletoe and things. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves very much except Albert's uncle and his blushing bride. And they looked desperate. Everyone said how sweet she looked but Oswald thought she looked as if as much as she expected. She was not at all a blushing bride really only the tip of her nose got pink because it was rather cold in the church but she is very jolly. Her reverend but nice brother read the marriage service. He reads better than anyone I know but he is not a bit of a prick really when you come to know him. When the rush act was done Albert's uncle and his bride went home in a carriage all by themselves and then we had the lunch and drank the health of the bride in real champagne. Though father said we kids must only have just a taste. I'm sure Oswald for one did not want anymore one taste was quiet enough. Champagne is like soda water with medicine in it. The sherry we put sugar in once was much more decent. Then Miss Ashley I mean Mrs. Albert's uncle went away and took off her white dress and came back looking much warmer. The door heard the housemates say afterwards that the cook had stopped the bride on the stairs with a basin of hot soup that would take no denial because the bride poor dear young thing not to bite or suck had passed her lips that day. We understood then why she had looked so unhappy but Albert's uncle had had a jolly good breakfast fish and eggs and bacon and three goes of marmalade so it was not hunger made him sad. Perhaps he was thinking what a lot of money it cost to be married and go to Rome. A little before the bride went to change H.O. got up and reached his brown paper parcel from under the sideboard and sneaked out. We thought he might have let us see it given whatever it was and Dora said she had understood but it was his secret. The bride went away looking quite comfy in a furry cloak and Albert's uncle cheered up at the last and threw off the burden of his cares and made a joke. I forget what it was it wasn't a very good one but it showed he was trying to make the best of things. Then the bridal sufferers drove away with a luggage on a cart hips and hips of it and we all cheered and threw rice diapers. Mrs. Ashley and some other old ladies cried. And then everyone said what a pretty wedding and began to go and when our wagonette came round we all began to get in and suddenly father said where's H.O. and we looked around he was in absence. Fetch him along shop some of you father said I don't want to keep the horses standing here in the cold all day so Oswald and Dickie went to fetch him along. We thought he might have wandered back to what was left of the lunch for he is young and he does not always know better but he was not there and Oswald did not even take a crystallized fruit in passing he might easily have done this and no one would have minded so it would not have been wrong but it would have been un-gentlemanly Dickie did not either H.O. was not there we went into the other rooms even the one the old ladies were crying again but of course we back at their pardons and at last into the kitchen where the servants were smart with white bows and just sitting down to their dinners and Dickie said I say cook you love have you seen H.O. don't come here with your imparents the cook said but she was pleased with Dickie's un-meaning compliment all the same I see him said the housemaid he was cold-going with the butcher in the yard a bit since he's got a brown paper parcel perhaps he got a lift home so we went and old father and about the wedge present in the parcel I expect he was ashamed to give it after all Oswald said so he hooked off home with it and we got into the walker net it wasn't a present though Dora said it was a different kind of surprise but it really is a secret a good father did not command her to betray her young brother but when we got home H.O. wasn't there Mrs. Pettigrew hadn't seen him and he was nowhere about father bikes back to the sedos to see if he turned up no then all the gentlemen turned out to look for him through the length and breadth of the land he's too old to be stolen by gypsies all I said and too ugly said Dickie oh don't said both the girls and now when he's lost too we had looked for a long time before Mrs. Pettigrew came in with the parcel she said the butcher had left it was not addressed but we knew it was H.O. because of the label on the paper from the shop where father gets his shirts father opened it at once inside the parcel we find H.O.'s boots and braces his best hat and his chest protector and Oswald felt as if we had found his skeleton any row with any of you father asked but there hadn't been any was he worried about anything done anything wrong was afraid to own up we turned cold for we knew what he meant that parcel was so horribly like the lady's hat and gloves that she takes off on the seashore and lives with the letter saying it has come to this no no no no it was all we said he was perfectly jolly all morning and then suddenly Dickie leaned on the table and one of H.O.'s boots toppled over and there was something white inside it was a letter H.O. must have written it before we left home it said dear father and everyone I'm going to be a clown when I am rich and revered I will come back rolling your affectionate son Horace Octavius festival rolling father said he means rolling in money Ali said Oswald noticed that everyone around the table where H.O.'s boots were dignifiedly respected as they lay was a horrid pale color and the salt is thrown into snapdragons oh dear, Dora cried that was it he asked me to make him a clown's dress and keep it deeply secret he said he wanted to surprise Aunt Margaret and Albert's uncle and I didn't think it was wrong so Dora, screwing up her face she then added oh dear, oh dear, oh and with these concluding remarks she began to how father thumped her in the back in an absent yet kind way what whereas he gone he said, not to anyone in particular so the butcher, he said H.O. asked him to take a parcel home and went back around the sitters here D.K. coughed and said I didn't think he met anything but the day after Noel was talking about singing ballads in Rome and getting poets lies given him H.O. did say that Noel had been really keen on the Rome and lies and things he could easily have been a stowaway and gone unknown stowaway said my father sitting down suddenly and hard in Aunt Margaret's big dress basket the one she let him hide in when we had had him sick there he talked a lot about it after Noel had said that about the lies and the Italians being so poetical you know, do you remember Tuffy my father is prompt and decisive in action so is his eldest son I'm off to the setters, he said do let me come father said the decisive son you may want to send a message so in a moment father went on his bike and us rolled on the step a dangerous but delightful spot and off to the setters have your teas and don't any more of you get lost and ended up if we're late father howl to them as we rushed away how glad then the thoughtful Oswald was that he was the eldest was very cold in the dusk on the bicycle but Oswald did not complain at the setters my father explained in a few manly but well chosen words and the apartment of the dear departed bride was searched because said my father if H.O. really was little ass enough to get into that basket he must have turned out something to make room for himself sure enough when they came to look there was a great bundle rolled in a sheet under the bed all lace things and petticoats and ribbons and dressing gowns and ladies flummery if you all put these things in something else I'll catch the express to Dover and take it with me father said to mrs. Ashley and while she packed the things he explained to some of the crying old ladies who had been unable to leave off how sorry he was that his son of his but you know the sort of thing Oswald said father I wish you'd let me come too I wouldn't be a bit of trouble perhaps it was partly because my father didn't want to let me walk home in the dark and he didn't want to worry the ash lays anymore by asking them to send me home he said this was why but I hope it was his loving wish to have his prompt son so like him in his decisiveness with him we went it was an anxious journey we knew how far from pleased the bride would be to find no dressing gowns and ribbons but only H.O. crying and cross and dirty as likely as not when she opened the basket at the hotel at Dover father smoked to pass the time but Oswald had not as much as a peppermint or a bit of Spanish licorice to help him through the journey yet he bore her when we got out of Dover there were Mr. and Mrs. Albert's uncle on the platform hello said Albert's uncle what's up nothing wrong at home I hope we've only lost H.O. said father you don't happen to have him with you no but you're joking said the bride we've lost the dressbasket lost the dressbasket the words struck us dumb but my father recovered speech and explained the bride was very glad when we said we had brought her ribbons and things but we stood in anxious gloom for now H.O. was indeed lost the dressbasket might be on its way to Liverpool or rocking on the channel and H.O. might never be found again Oswald did not say these things it is best to hold your jar when you want to see a thing out and a liable to be sent to bad as a strange hotel if anyone happens to remember you then suddenly the station master came in with a telegram it said a dressbasket without label at Canon street detained for identification suspicious sounds from inside detained inquirers dynamite machine suspected he did not show us this till my father had told him about H.O. which he took some time for him to believe and then he did and laughed and said he would wire them to get the dynamite to speak and if so to take it out and keep it till its father called for it so back we went to London with hearts a little lighter but not gay for we were a very long time from the last things we had had to eat and Oswald was almost sorry he had not taken those crystallized fruit it was quite late when we got to Canon street and we went straight into the cloak room and there was the man in charge a very jolly chap sitting on a stool and there was H.O. the guilty stowaway dressed in a red and white clown's dress very dusty and his face as dirty as I have ever seen it sitting on someone else's tin box with his feet on somebody else's port Montreal eating bread and cheese and drinking ale out of a can my father claimed him at once and Oswald identified the basket it was very large there was a tray on the top with hat and H.O. had this on top of him we all went to bed in Canon street hotel my father said nothing to H.O. that night when we were in bed I tried to get H.O. to tell me all about it but he was too sleepy and cross it was the beer and the knocking about in the basket I suppose next day we went back to the moat house where the raving anxiousness of the others had been called the night before my father said he would speak to H.O. in the evening it is very horrid not to be spoken to at once and get it over but H.O. certainly deserved something it is hard to tell this tale because so much of it happened all at once but at different places but this is what H.O. said to us about it he said don't bother leave me alone but we were all kind and gentle and at last we got it out of him what happened he doesn't tell a story right from the beginning like Oswald and some of the others do but from his disjunctured words the author has made the following narration this is called editing I believe it was all Noelle's fault H.O. said what did he want to go drawing about Bromford and clowns as good as a beastly poet anyhow do you remember that day we made Toffee well I thought of it then he didn't tell us yes he did I have told Dickie he never said don't or you'd better not or gave me any good advice or anything it's his fault as much as mine a father I just speak to him tonight the same as me and Noelle too we bore with him just then because we wanted to hear the story and we made him go on well so I thought if Noelle's a cold already custard I'm not and it wasn't afraid of being in the basket though it was quite dark till I cut the air holes with my knife in the railway van I think I cut the string off the label it fell off afterwards and I saw it through the hole but of course I couldn't say anything I thought it looked after there's silly luggage better than that it was all their fault I was lost tell us how you did it H.O. darling Dora said never mind about it being everybody else's fault it's yours as much as anyone's if you come to that H.O. said you made me the clown dress when I asked you you never said a word about not so there oh H.O. you aren't kind Dora said you know you said it was for a surprise for the bridal pair so it would have been if they'd found me at Rome and I'd popped up like I was meant to like I'd checked in the box and said here we are again in my clown's clothes at them and father's going to speak to me this evening H.O. sniffed every time he stopped speaking but we did not correct him then we wanted to hear about everything why didn't you tell me straight away what you were going to do Dickie asked because your jolly will have shut me up you always do if I want to do anything you haven't thought of yourself why did you take with you H.O. asked Alice in a hurry for H.O. was now sniffing far beyond the whisper oh I'd saved a lot of grub only I forgot it at the last it's under the chest of drawers in a room and I had my knife and I changed into the clown's dress in the cupboard of the ash lays over my own things because they thought it would be cold and then I emptied the rotten girl's clothes out and hid them and the top had a tray I just put it in a chair near and I got into the basket and I lifted the tray up over my head and sat down and fitted it down over me it's got webbing bars you know across it and none of you would ever have thought of it let alone doing it I should hope not Dora said but H.O. went on on hearing I began to think perhaps I wished I hadn't directly they strapped up the basket it was beastly hot and stuffy I had to cut an air hole in the cart I cut my thumb it was so bumpity and they threw me about as if I was cold and rung way up as often as not and the train was off a wobbly knife so sick and if it had the grub I couldn't have eaten it I had a bottle of water and that was alright till I dropped the cork and I couldn't find it in the dark till the water got upset and then I found the cork that minute and when they dumped the basket onto the platform I was so glad to sit still in a minute and I was so shocked I nearly went to sleep and then I looked out and the label was off and lying close by and then someone gave the basket a kick big brute I'd like to kick him and said what's this here and I dare say it did squeak like a rabbit noise you know and then someone said sounds like livestock don't it no label and he was standing on the label all the time I saw the string sticking out under his nasty boot and then they trundled me off somewhere on a wheelbarrow it felt like and dumped me down again in a dark place and I couldn't see anything more I wonder said the thoughtful as well what made them think you were a dynamite machine oh that was awful H.O. said it was my watch I wound it up just for something to do you know the row it makes since it was broken and I heard someone says just watch that and then it was like an infernal machine don't go shoving me Dora it was him said it not me and then if I was the inspector dump it on the river so I would anyway let's shift it but the other said let it all alone so I wasn't dumped anymore and they fetched another man and there was a heap of junk and I heard them say police so I let them have it what did you do I looked out in the basket and I heard them all start off and I shouted hey here let me out can't you and did they yes but not forever so long I had to jot them through the cracks of the basket and when they opened it there was quite a crowd and they left over so and gave me bread and cheese and said I was a plucky youngster and I am and I do wish father wouldn't put things off so this morning and I can't see you've done anything so awful and it's all your faults for not looking after me our entire little brother and it's your duty to see I do what's right you've told me so often enough these last words checked the severe premon trembling on the hither to patient Oswald's lips and then H.O. began to cry and Dora nursed him though generally he is much too big for this and knows it and he went to sleep on her lap and said he didn't want any dinner when it came to father speaking to H.O. that evening it never came off because H.O. was ill in bed not cham you know but real sent for the doctor ill the doctor said it was fever from chill and excitement but I think myself it was very likely the things he ate at lunch and the shaking up and then the bread and cheese and the beer out of the can when he was better not much was said my father who is the justice man in England said the boy had been punished enough and so he had for he missed going to the pantomime and to shock headed Peter at the Garrick theatre which is far and away the best play that ever was done and quite different from any other acting I ever saw they are exactly like real boys I think they must have been reading about us and he had to take a lot of the filthiest medicine they ever tasted I wonder who father told the doctor to make it nasty on purpose a woman would have directly but gentlemen are not generally so sly anyway you live and learn none of us would now ever consent to be a stowaway no matter who wanted us to and I don't think H.O. is very likely to do it again the only meant punishment he had was seeing the clown's dress burnt before his eyes by father he had bought it all with his own saved up money red trimmings and all of course when he got well we soon taught him not to say again that it was any of our faults as he owned himself he is our little brother and we are not going to stand that kind of cheek from him end of chapter one it was Christmas nearly a year after mother died I cannot write about mother but we'll just say one thing if she had only been away for a little while and not for always we shouldn't have had to do it again and I don't want to do it again I don't want to do it again I don't want to do it again I don't want to do it again I don't want to do it again and not for always we shouldn't have been so keen on having a Christmas I didn't understand this then but I'm much older now and I think it was just because everything was so different and horrid we felt we must do something and perhaps we were not particular enough what things make you much more unhappy when you loaf about than when you are doing events father had to go away just about Christmas he had heard that his wicked partner who ran away with his money was in France and he thought he could catch him but really he was in Spain where catching criminals is never practiced we did not know this till afterwards before father went away he took Dora and Oswald into a study and said I'm awfully sorry I've got to go away but it is very serious business and I must go while I'm awake it is won't you we promised faithfully then he said there are reasons you wouldn't understand if I try to tell you but you can't have much of a Christmas this year but I've told Matilda to make you a good plain pudding perhaps next Christmas will be brighter it was for the next Christmas so was the affluent nephews or nieces of an Indian uncle another story as good old Kipling says when father had been seen off at Lewisham station with his bags and a played rug in a strap we came home again and it was horrid there were papers and things littered all over his room where he had packed we tidied the room up it was the only thing we could do for him it was Dickey who accidentally broke his shaving glass and made a paper boat of a letter we found out afterwards father particularly wanted to keep this took us some time and when we went into the nursery the fire was black out and we could not get it alight again even with the whole daily chronicle Matilda was our general then was out as well as the fire so we went and sat in the kitchen there is always a good fire in kitchens the kitchen herth rug was not nice to sit on so we spread newspapers on it it was sitting in the kitchen I think that brought to our minds my father's parting words about the pudding I mean Oswald said father said we couldn't have much of a Christmas for secret reasons and he said he had told Matilda to make us a plain pudding the plain pudding instantly cast its shadow of the deepening gloom of our young minds I wonder how plain shall make it Dickey said as plain as plain you may depend said Oswald here am I where are you pudding that's her sort the others groaned and we gathered close around the fire till the newspapers rustled madly I believe I could make a pudding that wasn't plain if I tried Ali said why shouldn't we no chink said Oswald with brief sadness how much would it cost Noel asked and added that Dora had tuppence and H.O. had a French hipney Dora got the cookery book out of the dresser drawer where it lay doubled up among clothes pegs, dirty dusters, scallop shells strings, penny novelists and the dining room corkscrew the general we had then it seemed as if she did all the cooking on the cookery book instead on the baking board there were traces of so many bygone meals upon its pages it doesn't say Christmas pudding at all said Dora try plum the resourceful Oswald instantic consult Dora turned the greasy pages anxiously plum pudding 518 a rich with floor 517 Christmas 517 cold brandy sauce for 241 we shouldn't care about that so it's no use looking good without eggs 518 plain 518 we don't want that anyhow Christmas 517 that's the one it took her a long time to find the page Oswald got a shovel of coals and made up the fire it blazed up like the devouring elephant the daily telegraph always calls it then Dora read Christmas plum pudding time six hours to eat in said H.O. no silly to make it forge ahead Dora night Dora went on 2072 one pound and a half of raisins half a pound of currants three quarters of a pound of breadcrumbs half a pound of floor three quarters of a pound of beef sweat nine eggs one wine glass full of brandy half a pound of citron and orange peel half a nutmeg and a little ground ginger I wonder how little ground ginger a teacup full would be enough I think Alice said we must not be extravagant we haven't got anything yet to be extravagant with said Oswald who had too thick that day what would you do with the things if you'd got them you'd shop the suits as fine as possible I wonder how fine that is replied Dora and the book together and mix it with the breadcrumbs and floor add the currants washed and dried starched then said Alice the citron and orange peel cut into thin slices I wonder what they call thin Matilda's thin bread and butter is quite different from what I mean by it and the raisins stoned and divided how many heaps would you divide them into seven I suppose said Alice one for each person and one for the pot I mean pudding mix it all well together the grated nutmeg and ginger then stir in nine eggs well beaten and the brandy oh we will leave that out I think and again mix it thoroughly together that every ingredient may be moistened put it into a buttered mold tie over tightly and boil for six hours serve it ornamented with holly and brandy pour over it I should think holly and brandy pour over it would be simply beastly, said Dicky I expect the book knows I daresay holly and water would do as well though this pudding may be made a month before it's no use reading about that though because we've only got four days to Christmas it's no use reading about any of it said Oswald with a thoughtful repeatedness because we haven't got the things and we haven't got the coin to get them we might get the tin somehow, said Dicky there must be lots of kind people who would subscribe to Christmas pudding for poor children who hadn't any Noel said well I'm going skating at Penn, said Oswald it's no use thinking about puddings we must put up with it plain so we went and Dicky went with him when they returned to their home in the evening the fire had been lighted again in the nursery and the others were just having tea we toasted our bread and butter on the bear side and it gets a little warm among the butter this is called French toast I like English better but it's more expensive, Ali said Matilda is in a frightful rage about you you're putting those coals on the kitchen fire Oswald she says we shan't have enough to last over Christmas as it is and father gave her a talking to before he went out about them asked her if she ate them she says but I don't believe he did anyway she locked the coal cellar door and she's got the key in her pocket I don't see how we can boil the pudding what pudding? said Oswald dreamily he was thinking of the chap you had seen at pens who had cut the date 1899 on the eyes with four strokes the pudding Ali said oh we've had such a time Oswald first Dora and I went to the shops to find out exactly what the pudding would cost it's only two and eleven pens hapeny counting in the holly oh it's no good Oswald repeated he's very patient and will say the same thing any number of times it's no good you know we got no tin ah said Alice but Noel and I went out and we called at some of the houses in Granville park in Dartmouth hill and we got a lot of six pens and shillings besides pennies and one old gentleman gave us a half half a crown he was so nice quite bald with a knitted red and blue waistcoat we've got eight and seven pens Oswald did not feel quite sure father would like us to go asking for shillings and six pens or even half crowns from strangers but he didn't say so the money had been asked for and got and it couldn't be helped and perhaps he wanted the pudding I'm not able to remember exactly why he didn't speak up and say this is wrong but anyway he didn't Alice and Dora went out and bought the things next morning they bought double quantities so that it came to five shillings and eleven pens and was enough to make a noble pudding there was a lot of holly left over for the decorations we used very little for the source the money that was left we spent very anxiously in other things to eat such as dates and figs and toffee we did not tell Matilda about it she was a red-haired girl and apt to turn shirty at the least thing concealed under our jackets and overcoats we carried the parcels up to the nursery and hid them in the treasure chest we had there it was the Bureau drawer it was locked up afterwards because the tree fell got all over the green base and the little drawers inside it we were waiting to begin to make the pudding it was the grocer told us we ought to put treasel in the pudding and also about not so much ginger as a teacup full when Matilda had begun to pretend to scrub the floor she pretended this three times a week so as to have an excuse not to let us in the kitchen but I know she used to read novelists most of the time because Alice and I had squint through the window more than once we barricaded the nursery door and said to work we were very careful to be quite clean we washed our hands as well as the currents I have sometimes thought we didn't get all the soap off the currents the pudding smelled like a washing day when the time came to cut it open and we washed a corner of the table to chop the suit on the chopping suit looks easy till you try father's machine he weighs letters with did to weigh out the things we did this very carefully in case the grocer hadn't done so everything was right except the raisins, H.O. had carried them home he was very young then and there was a hole in the corner of the paper bag and his mouth was sticky lots of people have been hanged to gibbet in chains and evidence no worse than that and we told H.O. so till he cried this was good for him it was not unkindness to H.O. but part of our duty chopping suit as fine as possible it's much harder than anyone would think as I said before so is crumbling bread especially if your loaf is new like ours was when we had done them the breadcrumbs and the suit were both very large and lumpy and of a dingy grey colour something like pale slate pencil they looked a better colour when we had mixed them with the floor the girls had washed the currents with brown winter soap and the sponge some of the currents got inside the sponge and kept coming out in the bath for days afterwards I see now that this was not quite nice we cut the candied peels as thin as we wish people would cut our bread and butter we tried to take the stones out of the raisins but they were too sticky so we just divided them up in seven lots then we mixed the other things in the wash hand basin from the spare bedroom that was always spare we each put in our own lot of raisins and turned it all into a pudding basin and tied it up in one of Alice's peanut force which was the nearest thing to proper pudding cloth we could find at any rate clean what was left sticking to the wash hand basin didn't taste so bad it's a little bit soapy Alice said but perhaps that will boil out like stains in table cloths it was a difficult question how to boil the pudding Matilda proved furious when asked to let us just because one had happened to knock off her hat of the scullery door and pincher had got it and done for it however part of the embassy nicked saucepan while the others were being told what Matilda thought about the hat and we got hot water out of the bathroom and made it boil over our nursery fire put the pudding in it was now getting on towards the hour of tea and let it boil with some exceptions owing to the fire going down and Matilda not hiring up with coals it boiled for an hour and a quarter then Matilda came suddenly and said I'm not going to have you messing about in here with my saucepans and she tried to take it off the fire you will see that we couldn't stand this it wasn't lightly I do not remember who it was that told her to mind her own business and I think I have forgotten who caught hold of her first to make a jacket I'm sure no needless violence was used anyway while the struggle progressed Alice and Dora took the saucepan away and put it in their boot cupboard under the stairs and put the key in their pocket this sharp encounter made everyone very hot and cross we got over it before Matilda did but we brought her round before bedtime quarrels should always be made up before bedtime it says so in the Bible if this simple rule was followed there wouldn't be so many wars and marches and lawsuits and inquisitions and bloody deaths at the stake all the house was still the gas was out all over the house except for the first landing when several darkly shrouded figures might have been observed creeping downstairs to the kitchen on the way with the superior precaution we got out our saucepan the kitchen fire was red but low the coal cellar was locked and there was nothing in the scuttle but a little coal dust and a piece of brown paper that is put in to keep the coals from tumbling out through the bottom where the hole is we put the saucepan on the fire and plied it with fuel two chronicles, a telegraph that's were burned in vain I'm almost sure the pudding didn't boil at all that night never mind Alice said we can each nick a piece of coal every time we go into the kitchen tomorrow this staring scheme was faithfully performed and by night we had nearly half a waste paper basket of coal coke and thinners and in the depth of night once more we might have been with our collar like waste paper basket in our guarded hands there was more fire left in the grate that night and we fed it with the fuel we had collected this time the fire blazed up and the pudding boiled like mad this was the time it boiled two hours at least, I think it was about that but we dropped asleep on the kitchen tables and dresser you dare not be lowly in the night in the kitchen because of the beetles we were aroused by a horrible smell it was the pudding cloth burning all the water had secretly boiled itself away we filled it up at once with cold and the saucepan cracked so we cleaned it and put it back on the shelf and took another and went to bed you see what a lot of trouble we had over the pudding every evening to Christmas which had now become only the day after tomorrow we sneak down in the inky midnight and boiled that pudding for as long as it would on Christmas morning we chopped the holly for the sauce but we put hot water instead of brandy and moist sugar some of them said it was not so bad Oswald was not one of these then came the moment when the plain pudding father had ordered smoked upon the board Matilda brought it in and went away at once she had a cussing out of Woolworth's Arsenal to see her that day, I remember those far-off days are quite distinct in memory's recollection still then we got out our own pudding from its hiding place and gave it one last hurried boil only seven minutes because of the general impatient which Oswald and Dora couldn't cope with we had found means to see treat a dish and we now try to dish the pudding up back to the basin and had to be dislodged with a chisel the pudding was horribly pale we pulled the holly sauce over it and Dora took up the knife and was just cutting it when a few simple words from H.O. turned us from happy and triumphant cookery artists to persons in despair he said, how pleased all those kind ladies and gentlemen would be they knew we were the poor children that gave the shillings and sixpences and things for we all said what? it was no moment for politeness I say H.O. said they'd be glad if they knew it was us was enjoying the pudding and not dirty little really poor children you should say you were not you was said Dora it was as in a dream and only from habit do you mean to say Oswald spoke firmly yet not angrily that you and Alice went and begged for money for poor children and then kept it we didn't keep it said H.O. we spent it we've kept the things you little duffer said Dickie looking at the pudding sitting alone and uncared for on its dish you begged for money for poor children and then kept it it's stealing that's what it is I don't say so much about you you're only a silly kid but Alice knew better why did you do it he turned to Alice but she was now too deep in tears to get a word out H.O. looked a bit frightened but he answered the question we have just taught him this he said I thought they'd give us more if I said poor children than if I said just us but that's cheating said Dickie downright beastly mean low cheating I'm not said H.O. and you're another then he began to cry too I do not know how the others felt but I understand from Oswald that he felt that now the honour house of basketball had been stamped on in the dust and it didn't matter what happened he looked at the beastly holly that had been left over from the source and was stuck up over the pictures it now appeared hollow and disgusting though it had got quite a lot of berries and some of it was the very kind green and white the figs and dates and toffee were set out in the dolls dinner service the very sight of doll made Oswald blush sickly he owns he would have liked to cuff H.O. and if he did for a moment wish to shake Alice the author for one can make allowances now Alice choked and spluttered and wiped her eyes fiercely and said it's no use dragging H.O. it's my fault I'm older than he is H.O. said it couldn't be Alice's fault I don't see as it was wrong that not as murmur Dora putting her arm round the sinner who had brought his degrading blight upon our family tree but such is girls undetermined and affectionate silliness tell sister all about it H.O. dear why couldn't it be Alice's fault H.O. cuddled up to Dora and said snuffingly in his nose because she hadn't got nothing to do with it I collected it all she never went into one of the houses she didn't want to and then took all the credit of getting the money said Dicky savagely Oswald said not much credit in scornful tones oh you're beastly the whole lot of you except Dora Alice said stamping a foot in rage and despair I tore my frock on a nail going out and I didn't want to go back and I got H.O. to go to the houses alone and I waited for him outside and I asked him not to say anything because I didn't want Dora to know about the frock it's my best and I don't know what he said inside he never told me but I'll bet anything he didn't mean to cheat you said lots of kind people would be ready to give money to get pudding for poor children so I asked them to Oswald with a strong right hand waved a wave of passing things over we'll talk about that another time you said just now we've got way to your things to deal with he pointed to the pudding which had grown cold during the conversation to which I have alluded H.O. stopped crying but Alice went on with it Oswald now said we are a base and outcast family until that puddings out of the house we shan't be able to look anyone in the face we must see that pudding is used to poor children not grisling, grumpy, wainy piney, pretending poor children but real poor ones just as poor as they can stick and the figs too and the dates said no with the regretting tones every figs said Dicky Sturney Oswald is quite right this honourable resolution made us feel a bit better we hastily put on our best things and washed ourselves a bit and hurried out to find some really poor people to give the pudding to we cut it in slices ready and put it in a basket with the figs and dates and toffee we would not let H.O. come with us at first because he wanted to and Alice would not come because of him so at last we had to let him the excitement of tearing into your best things seals the hurt wounded on her feels as the poacher writer said or at any rate it makes the hurt feel better we went out into the streets they were pretty quiet nearly everybody was eating its Christmas dessert but presently we met a woman in an apron Oswald said very politely please are you a poor person and she told us to get along with us the next we met was a shabby man with a hole in his left boot Oswald again said please are you a poor person and have you any poor little children the man told us not to come any of our games with him or we should laugh on the wrong side of our faces we went on sadly we had no heart to stop and explain to him that we had no games to come the next was a young man near the obelisk Dora tried this time if you please we've got some Christmas pudding in this basket and if you're a poor person you can have some poorest job said the young man in a hoarse voice and he had to come up out of a red comfort to say it we gave him a slice of the pudding and he bit into it without thanks or delay the next moment he had thrown the pudding slap in Dora's face and was clutching dicky by the collar blimey if I don't chuck you in the river the whole blooming lot of you he exclaimed the girl screamed the boys shouted and thought Oswald threw himself on the insulter of his sister with all his manly vigor yet but for a friend of Oswald's who is in the police passing at that instant the author shudders to think what might have happened for he was a strong young man and Oswald has not yet come to his full strength and the quaggy runs all too near our policeman led our salient aside and we waited anxiously as he told us to after long uncertain moments the young man in the comforter loathed off grumbling and our policeman turned to us said you give him a dollop of pudding and he tasted of soap and hair oil I suppose the hair oil must have been the brown winserness of soap coming out we were sorry but it was still our duty to get rid of the pudding the quaggy was handy it is true but when you have collected money to feed poor children and spend it on pudding it's not right to throw that pudding in the river people do not subscribe shillings and sixpences and half crowns to feed a hungry flood with Christmas pudding yet we shrank from asking any more people whether they were citizens or about their families and still more from offering the pudding to chance people who might bite into it and taste the soap before we had time to get away it was Alice the most paralysed with the disgrace of all of us who thought of the best idea she said let's take it to the workhouse at any rate they are all poor there and they may not go out without leave and they can't run after us to do anything to us after the pudding no one would give them leave to go out to pursue people who had brought them pudding and vengeance on them and at any rate we shall get rid of the conscience pudding it's a sort of conscience money you know only it's isn't money but pudding the workhouse is a good way but we stuck to it though very cold and hungry then we thought possible when we started for we had been so agitated we hadn't even stayed to eat the plain pudding our good father had so kindly and thoughtfully ordered for our Christmas dinner the big bell at the workhouse made a man open the door to us when we rang it Oswald said and he spoke because his next eldest to Dora and she had jolly well enough to say anything about pudding he said please we brought some pudding for the poor people he looked us up and down and he looked at our basket then he said you'd better see the matron we waited in a hall feeling more and more uncomfy and less and less like Christmas we were very cold indeed especially our hands and our noses and we felt less and less able to see the matron if she was horrid and one of us at least wished we had chosen the quaggy for the pudding's long home and made it up to the robbed poor in some other way afterwards just as Alice was saying earnestly in the burning cold air of Oswald let's put down the basket and make a bolt for it oh Oswald let's a lady came along the passage she was very upright and she had eyes that went through you like blue gimlets I should not like to be oblige to thwart that lady if she had any design and mine was opposite I'm glad this is not likely to occur she said what's all this about a pudding Achu said at once before we could stop him they say I've stolen the pudding so we brought it here for the poor people no we didn't that wasn't why the money was given it was meant for the poor shut up Achu said the rest of us all at once then there was an awful silence the lady gimleted us again one by one with her blue eyes then she said come into my room you look all frozen she took us into a very jolly room with velvet curtains and a big fire and the gas lighted because now it was almost dark even out of doors she gave us chairs and Oswald felt as if he was a dog he felt so criminal and the lady looked so judular then she took the armchair by the fire herself and said who's the eldest I am said Dora looking more like a frightened white rabbit I've ever seen her then tell me all about it Dora looked at Alice and began to cry the slab of pudding in the face had totally unnerved the gentle girl Alice's eyes were red and her face was puffy with crying what she spoke up for Dora and said oh please let Oswald tell Dora can't she's tired with a long walk and a young man threw a piece of it in her face and the lady nodded and Oswald began he told the story from the very beginning as he has always been taught to though he hated to lay bare the family honors wound before a stranger however judged like and gimble died he told all not concealing the pudding throwing nor what the young man said about soap so he ended we want to give the conscience pudding to you it's like conscience money you know what that is don't you but if you really think it's soapy and not just the young man's horridness perhaps you'd better not let them eat it but the figs and things are all right when he had done the lady said for most of us were crying more or less cheer up it's Christmas time and he's very little your brother I mean and I think the rest of you seem pretty well able to take care of the honor of the family I'll take the conscience pudding off your minds where are you going now home I suppose Oswald said and he thought how nasty and dark and dull it would be the fire out most likely your father away and your father's not at home you say the blue gimlet lady went on what do you say to having tea with me and then seeing the entertainment we have got up for our old people then the lady smiled and the blue gimlets looked quite merry the room was so warm and comfortable and the imitation was the last thing we expected it was jolly of her I do think no one thought quite at first of saying how pleased we should be to accept her kind invitation instead we all just said oh but in a tune which must have told her we meant yes please very deeply Oswald this has more than once happened was the first to restore his manners he made a proper bow like he has been taught thank you very much we should like it very much it is very much nicer than going home thank you very much I need not tell the reader that Oswald could have made up a much better speech if he had had more time to make it up or if he had not been so filled with mixed flusteredness and fortification by the shameful events of the day we washed our faces and hands and had a first straight muffin and crumpet tea with slices of cold meats and many nice jams and cakes a lot of other people were there most of them people who were giving the entertainment to the aged poor after tea it was the entertainment songs and conjuring and a play called Box and Cox very amusing and a lot of throwing things about bacon and chops and things and nigger minstrels we clapped till our hands were sore when it was over we said goodbye in between the songs and things Oswald had had a time to make up a speech of thanks to the lady he said we all thank you heartily for your goodness the entertainment was beautiful we shall never forget your kindness and hospitableness the lady laughed and said she had been very pleased to have us a fat gentleman said hand your teas I hope you enjoyed those eh? Oswald had not had time to make up an answer to that so he answered straight from the heart and said rather and everyone laughed and slapped us boys on the back and kissed the girls and the gentleman who played the bones in the nigger minstrels was home we ate the cold pudding that night and age showed that something came to eat him like it advises you between the advertisements of the hoardings the ground ups said it was the pudding but I don't think it could have been that because as I have said more than once it was so very plain some of age shows brothers and sisters thought it was a judgment on him for pretending about who the poor children were he was collecting the money for Oswald does not believe such a little boy as age show would have a real judgment made just for him and nobody else whatever he did but it certainly is odd age show was the only one who had bad dreams and he was also the only one who got any of the things we bought with that ill-gotten money because you remember all in the racing paper as he was bringing the parcel home the rest of us had nothing unless you count the scrapings of the pudding basin and those don't really count at all end of chapter new treasure seekers by Edith Nesbitt read by Roland January 2008 this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org new treasure seekers by Edith Nesbitt third chapter Archibald The Unpleasant the house of basketball was once in poor but honest circus that was when it lived in a semi-detached house in the Lujheim Road and looked for treasure there were six skeeons of the house who looked for it in fact there were seven if you count father I'm sure he looked right enough but he didn't do it the right way and we did and so we found a treasure of a great uncle and we and father went to live with him in a very affluent mansion on Blackheath with gardens and vineries and everything jolly you can think of and then when we were no longer so beastly short of pocket money we tried to be good and sometimes it came out right and sometimes it didn't something like sums and then it was the Christmas holidays and we had a bazaar and ruffled the most beautiful goat you ever saw and we gave the money to the poor and needy and then we felt it was time to do something new because we were as rich as our worthy relative the uncle and our father now also wealthy at least compared to what he used to be thought right for us and we were as good as we could be without being good for nothing and muffs which I hope no one calling itself a bastard will ever stoop to so then so often the leader in hazardous enterprises thought long and deeply in his interior self and he saw that something must be done because though there was still the goat left over unclaimed by its fortunate winner at the bazaar somehow no really fine idea seemed to come out of it and nothing else was happening Dora was getting a bit domineering this was too much taken up with trying to learn to knit Dickie was bored and so was Oswald and Noel was writing far more poetry than could be healthy for any poet however young and H.O. was simply a nuisance his boots are always much louder when he's not amused and that gets the rest of us into rouse because there are hardly any grown up persons who can tell the difference of his boots and mine Oswald decided to call a council because even if nothing comes of a council it always means getting Alice to drop knitting and making Noel chuck the poetical influences that are no use and only make him silly and he went into the room that is our room it is called the common room like in colleges and it is very different from the room that was ours when we were poor but honest it's a jolly room with a big table and a big couch that is most useful for games and a thick carpet because of H.O.'s boots Alice was knitting by the fire it was for father but I'm sure his feet are not at all that shape he has a high and beautifully formed instep like Oswald's Noel was writing poetry of course my dear sister sits and knits I hope to goodness the stocking fits was as far as he had got it ought to be my dearest sister to sound right he said but that wouldn't be kind to Dora oh thank you said Dora you needn't trouble to be kind to me if you don't want to shut up Dora Zediki Noel didn't mean anything he never does said H.O. nor yet his poetry doesn't neither and his poetry doesn't either Dora corrected and besides you're oughtn't to say that at all it's unkind you're too jolly down on the kids Zediki and Alice said 87, 88 oh do be quiet half a sec 89, 90 oh now I shall have to count the stitches all over again Oswald alone was silent and not cross I tell you this to show that the sort of worryiness was among us that is catching like measles Kipling calls it the camellia's hump and as usual that great and good writer is quite correct so Oswald said look here let's have a console it says in Kipling's book when you've got the hump go and dig till you gently perspire well we can't do that because it's simply pouring but the others all interrupted him and said they hadn't got the hump and they didn't know what he meant so he shrugged his shoulders patiently it is not his fault that the others hate him to shrug his shoulders patiently and he said no more then Dora said oh don't be so disagreeable Oswald for goodness sake I assure you she did though he had done simply nothing matters were in this cryptical state when the door opened and father came in oh hello kiddies you remarked kindly beastly wet day isn't it and dark too I can't think why the rain can't always come in term in time it seems a poor arrangement to have it in vac doesn't it I think everyone instantly felt better I know one of us did and it was me father lit the gas and sat down in the armchair and took Alice on his knee first he said here's a box of chocks it was an extra big and beautiful one and fuller's best and besides the chocks a piece of good news you're all asked to a party at mrs. Lyslis she's going to have all sorts of games and things with prizes for everyone and a conjurer and a magic lantern the shadow of doom seemed to be lifted from each young brow and we felt how much fonder we were of each other than anyone would have thought at least Oswald felt this and Dickie told me afterwards she felt Dora wasn't such a bad sort after all it's on Tuesday week said father I see the prospect pleases number three is that your cousin Archibald has come here to stay a week or two his little sister has taken it to have whooping cough and he's downstairs now talking to your uncle we asked what the young stranger was like but father did not know because he and cousin Archibald's father had not seen much of each other for some years father said this but we knew it was because Archibald's father hadn't bothered to see ours when he was poor and honest but now he was the wealthy heir of the red brick beautiful blackheath house it was different this made us not like uncle Archibald very much but we were too just to blame it on too young Archibald all the same we should have liked him better if his father's previous career had not been of such a worldly and stuck up sort besides I do think Archibald is quite the most rotten sort of name we should have called him Archie of course if he had been at all decent you'll be as jolly to him as you can I know father said he's a bit older than you Oswald he's not a bad looking chap then father went down and Oswald had to go with him and there was Archibald sitting upright in a chair talking to our Indian uncle as if he was some beastly grown up our cousin proved to be dark and rather tall and though he was only 14 he was always stroking his lip to see if his moustache had begun to come father introduced us to each other and we said how do you do and looked at each other and neither of us could think of anything else to say at least Oswald couldn't and we went upstairs Archibald shook hands with the others and everyone was silent except Dora and she only whispered to H.O. to keep his feet still you cannot keep forever in melancholy silence however few things you have to say and presently someone said it was a wet day and this well chosen remark made us able to begin to talk I do not wish to be embarrassed to anybody especially one who was sabastable by birth at least if not according to the nobler attributes but I must say that Oswald never did dislike a boy so much as he did that young Archibald he was as cocky as though he'd done something to speak of been capped him of his 11 or passed a beastly exam or something but we never could find that he had done anything he was always bragging about the things he had at home and the things he was allowed to do and all the things he knew all about but he was most untruthful chap he laughed at Knowles being a poet a thing we never do because it makes him cry and crying makes him ill and of course Oswald and Dicke could not punch his head in their own house because of the laws of hospitalness and Alice stopped it at last by saying she didn't care if it was being a sneak she would tell father the very next time I don't think she would have because we made a rule when we were poor and honest not to bother father if we could possibly help it and we keep it up still but Archibald did not know that then this cussing who is I fear the black sheep or the bustables and hardly worthy to be called one used to pull the girls hair and pinch them at prayers when they could not call out or do anything to him back and he was awfully rude to the servants ordering them about and playing tricks on them not amusing tricks like other bustables might have done such as booby traps and mice under dish covers which seldom leaves any lasting ill feelings but things no decent boy would do like hiding their letters and not giving them to them for days and then it was too late to meet the young man the letter was from and squirting ink on their aprons when they were just going to open the door and once he put a fish hook in the cook's pocket when she wasn't looking he did not do anything to Oswald at that time I suppose he was afraid I just tell you this to show you that Oswald didn't cotton to him for no selfish reason but because Oswald has been taught to feel for others he called us all kids and he was that kind of boy we knew at once it was no good trying to start anything new and jolly so Oswald ever discreet and wary shut up entirely about the council we played games with him sometimes not really good ones but snap and beggar my neighbor and even then he used to cheat I hate to say it to one of our blood but I can hardly believe he was I think he must have been changed at nurse like the heirs to monarchies and Eucharist well the days passed slowly there was Mrs Leslie's party shining stargely in the mysterious of the future also we had another thing to look forward to and that was when Archibald had to go back to school but we could not enjoy that foreshadowing so much because of us having go to back at nearly the same time Oswald always tries to be just no matter how far from easy and so I will say that I'm not quite sure that it was Archibald that set the pipes leaking but we were all up in the loft the day before snatching a golden opportunity to play a brief game of robbers while Archibald had gone down to the village to get his silly haircut another thing about him that was not natural was his being always looking in the glass and wanting to talk about whether people were handsome or not and he made as much fuss about his ties as though he had been a girl so when he was gone Alice said the golden moment let's be robbers in the loft and when he comes back he won't know where we are he'll hear us said Noel biting his pencil no he won't we'll be the whispering band of weird bandits come on Noel you can finish the poetry up there it's about him said Noel gloomily when he's gone back to Oswald will not give the name of Archibald's school for the sake of the other boys there as they might not like everybody who reads this to know about their being a chap like him in their midst I shall do it up in an envelope and put a stamp on it and post it to him and haste cried Alice bard of the bandits haste while yet there is time so we tore upstairs and put on our slippers and socks over them and we got the high back chair out of the girl's bedroom and the others held it steady while Oswald adulatively mounted up on its high back and opened the trapdoor and got up into the place between the roof and the ceiling the boys in stocking company found this out by accident and they were surprised and pleased but we have known all about it ever since we can remember and then the others put the chair back and Oswald let down the rope ladder that we made out of bamboo cloth lines after uncle told us the story of the missionary lady who was shot up in a rajas palace and someone shot an arrow to her with a string tied it and it might have killed her I should have thought but it didn't and she hauled in the string and there was a rope and bamboo ladder and so she escaped and we made one like it on purpose for the loft no one had ever told us not to make ladders the others came up by the rope ladder it was partly bamboo but rope laddered us for short and we shot the trapdoor down it is jolly up there there are two big cisterns and one little window in a gable that gives you just enough light the floor is plastered with wooden things going across beams and joists they are called there are some planks laid on top of these here and there of course if you walk on the plaster you will go through with your foot into the room below we had a very jolly game in whispers and no one sat by the window and was quite happy being the bandit bard the cisterns are rocks you hide behind but the jolliest part was when we heard Archibald shouting out hello kids where are you and we all stayed a stiller's mice and her Jane and say she thought we must have gone out Jane was the one that hadn't got her letter as well as having her apron inked all over then we heard Archibald going all over the house looking for us father was at business and uncle was at his club and we were there and so Archibald was all alone and we might have gone on for hours enjoying the spectacle of his confusion and perplexedness but no one happened to sneeze the least thing gives him cold and he sneezes is louder for his age than anyone I know just when Archibald was on the landing underneath then he stood there and said I know where you are let me come up we cautiously did not reply then he said all right I'll go and get the stepladder we did not wish this we had not been told not to make rope ladders nor yet about not playing in the loft but if he fetched the stepladder Jane would know and there are some seekers you like to keep to yourself so Oswald opened the trapdoor and squinted down and there was that Archibald with his beastly hair cut and Oswald said we let you up if you promise not to tell you've been up here so we promised and we let down the rope ladder and it will show you the kind of boy he was the instant he got up by it he began to find fault with the way it was made then he wanted to play with a ball cock but Oswald knows it's better not to do this dare say you're forbidden Archibald said little kids like you but I know all about plumbing and Oswald could not prevent his fiddling with the pipes and the ball cock a little then we went down all chance of further bandagey was at an end next day was Sunday the leak was noticed then it was slow but steady and a plumber was sent for on Monday morning Oswald does not know whether it was Archibald made the leak but he does know about what came after I think our displeasing cussing found that piece of poetry that Noel was beginning about him and read it because he's a sneak instead of having it out with Noel he sucked up him and gave him a six penny fountain pen which Noel liked although it is real no good for him to try to write poetry with anything but a pencil because he always sucks whatever he writes with and ink is poisonous I believe then in the afternoon he and Noel got quite thick and went off together and afterwards Noel seemed very peacocky about something but he wouldn't say what and Archibald was screening in a way Oswald would have liked his head for then quite suddenly the peaceable quietness of that happy black-eath home was brought to a close by screams servants ran about with brooms and pales and the water was coming through the ceiling of uncle's room like mad and Noel turned white and looked at our unattractive cussing and said send him away Alice put her arm run Noel and said do go Archibald but he wouldn't so then Noel said he wished he had never been born and whatever would father say why what is it Noel Alice asked that just tell us we'll all stand by you what's he been doing you won't let him do anything to me if I tell tell tale tits said Archibald he got me to go up in the loft he said it was a secret and would I promise not to tell and I won't tell only I've done it and now the water's coming in you've done it you junk ass I was only kidding you said our detestable cussing and he laughed I don't understand said Oswald what did you tell Noel he can't tell you the honour of the house you talk so much about that you'll never tell I had anything to do with it that will show you what he was we had never mentioned the honour of the house except once quite at the beginning before we knew how discapable he was of understanding anything and how far we were from wanting to call him Archie we had to promise for Noel was getting greener every minute and at any moment father or uncle might burst in foaming for an explanation and none of us would have one except Noel and him in this state of all anyhow so Dickey said we promise you beast you and we all said the same then Archibald said drawing his words and feeling for the moustache that wasn't there and I hope he'll be quite old before he gets one it's just what's comes of trying to amuse silly little kids I told the foolish little animal about people having arteries cut and you're having to cut the whole thing to stop the bleeding and he said was that what the plumber would do to the leaky pipe and how pleased your governor would be to find it mend it and then he went and did it you told me too said Noel turning greener and greener go along with Alice said Oswald we'll stand by you and Noel old chap you must keep your word and not sneak about that sneaking hound Alice took him away and we were left with the horrid Archibald now said Oswald I won't break my word no more with the rest of us but we won't speak another word to you as long as we live oh Oswald said Dora what about the sun going down let it jolly well go said Dick in furiousness Oswald didn't say we'd go on being angry forever but I'm with Oswald all the way I won't talk to cats no not even before grown ups they can jolly well think what they like after this no one spoke to Archibald Oswald rushed for a plumber and such was his fiery eloquence that he really caught one and brought him home then he and Dickie waited for father when he came in and they got him into the study and Oswald said what they had all agreed on and it was this father we are almost awfully sorry we cut the pipe in the loft and if you make us tell you any more it will not be honorable and we are very sorry please please don't ask who it was did it father bit his moustache and looked worried and Dickie went on Oswald has got a plumber and he's doing it now then father said how on earth did you get into the loft and then of course the secret of the rope ladder had to be revealed we had never been told not to make rope ladders and go into the loft but we did not try to soften the anger of our father by saying this it would not have been any good either we just had to stick it and the punishment of our crime was most awful it was that we weren't to go to Mrs Leslie's party and Archibald was to go because when father asked him if he was in it with the rest of us he said, no I cannot think of any really gentle, manly and proper words to say what I think about my unnatural cousin we kept our word about not speaking to him and I think father thought we were jealous because he was going to that cundering magic lantern party and we were not Noel was the most unhappy because he knew we were all being punished for what he had done he was very affectionate and tried to write pieces of poetry to us all but he was so unhappy he couldn't even write and he went into the kitchen and sat on Jane's knee and said his head ached next day it was the day of the party and we were plunged in gloom Archibald got out his eatons and put his clean shirt ready and a pair of flashy silk socks in red spots and then he went into the bathroom Noel and Jane were whispering on the stairs Jane came up and Noel went down Jane knocked at the bathroom door and said here's the soup master Archibald I didn't put none in today he opened the door and put out his hand half a moment said Jane I've got something else in my hand as she spoke the gas all over the house went down blue and then went out we held our breath heavily here it is she said I'll put it in your hand I'll go down and turn off the burners and see about the gas you'll be late sir if I was you I should get on a bit with the washing of myself in the dark I dare say the gas will be five or ten minutes and it's five o'clock now it wasn't of course she ought not to have said it but it was useful all the same Noel came stomping up the stairs in the dark he fumbled about and then whispered I turned the little white China knob that locks the bathroom door on the outside the water was bubbling and hissing in the pipes inside and the darkness went on father and uncle had not come in yet which was for a fortunate blessing to be quiet said Noel just you wait we all sat on the stairs and waited Noel said don't ask me yet you'll see you wait and we waited and the gas did not come back at last Archibald tried to come out he thought he had washed himself clean I suppose and of course the door was fastened he kicked and he hammered and he shouted and we were glad at last Noel banged on the door and screened through the keyhole if we let you out will you let us off our promise not to tell about you and the pipes we won't tell till you've gone back to school he wouldn't for a long time but at last he had to I shan't ever come to your beastly house again he bellowed through the keyhole so I don't mind turn off the gas burns then said Oswald ever thoughtful though he was still in ignorance of the beautiful truth then Noel sang out of the stairs light up and Jane went round with a taper and when the landing gas was lighted Noel turned the knob of the bathroom and Archibald exited in his Indian red and yellow dressing gown that he thought so much of of course we expected his face to be red with rage or white with passion or purple with mixed emotions but you cannot think what our feelings were indeed we hardly knew what they were ourselves when we saw that he was not red or white or purple but black he looked like an uneven sort of bluish nigger his face and hands were all black and so were the bits of his feet that showed between his Indian dressing gown and his Turkish slippers the words Crick Cave fell from more than one lip what are you staring at he asked we did not answer even then though I think it was less from keep your wordishness than amazement but Jane did she uttered tautingly you thought it was so and all the time it was Maples dark bright navy blue indelible dye won't wash out she flashed still looking glass in his face and he looked and saw the depth of his dark bright navy blueishness now you may think that we shouted with laughing to seem done brown and dyed blue like this but we did not there was a spellbound silence Oswald I know felt quite uncomfortable feeling inside him when Archibald had had one good look at himself he did not want any more he ran to his room and bolted himself in he won't go to no parties so Jane and she flounced downstairs we never knew how much Noel had told her he's very young and not so strong as we are and we thought it better to ask Oswald and Dickie and H.O. particularly H.O. told each other it served him right but after a bit Dora asked Noel if he would mind her trying to get some of it off our unloved cousin and he said no but nothing would get it off him and when father came home there was an awful row and he said we had disgraced ourselves and forgotten the duties of hospitality we got it pretty straight I can tell you and we bore it all I do not say we were marchers to the honour of our house or to our plighted word but I do say that we got it very straight indeed and we did not tell the provocativeness we had from our guests that drove the poad Noel to this wild and desperate revenge but someone told us thought it was Jane and that is why we did not ask too many questions about what Noel had told her because late that night father came and said he now understood that we had meant to do right except perhaps the one who cut the pipe with a chisel and that must have been more silliness than naughtiness and perhaps the being dyed blue served our cousin rather right and he gave Archibald a few remarks in private and when the dye began to come off it was not a fast dye though it said so on the paper it was wrapped in Archibald now a light streaky blue really did seem to be making an effort to be something like decent and when now merely a pale grey he had returned to school he sent us a letter it said my dear cousins I think that I was beastly than I meant to be but I am not a custom to young kids and I think uncle was right and the way you stand up for the honour of our house is not all nonsense like I said it was if we ever meet in the future life I hope you will not keep a down on me about things I don't think you can expect me to say more from your affectionate cousin Archibald so I suppose race of remorse penetrated that cold heart and now perhaps he will be a reformed bastible I am sure I hope so but I believe it is difficult if not impossible for a leopard to change his skin still I remember how indelibly black he looked when he came out of the fatal bathroom and it nearly all wore off and perhaps spots on the honourable inside parts of your soul come off with time I hope so the dye never came off the inside of the bath though I think that was what annoyed our good great uncle the most End of Chapter 3 Newseekers by Edith Nespit read by Lars Rowlander January 2008