 Guys, I want to just share with you how Jesus saved my life and Before that I just want to read a verse of scripture to you to you that was running through my spirit this morning If you'd open your Bible or your iPhone or if you're in sin and you have a Samsung open to the book of Ephesians The book of Ephesians, I like that. He did a little piano part on there when I said that that's good Hallelujah Ephesians chapter 2 Verse one and you he made alive who were dead in trespasses and sins dead Dead not alive completely dead He made alive in once which you once walked to verse 2 according to the course of this world According to the prince of the power of the air the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience Among whom you also once conducted ourselves in the lusts of the flesh Fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind and work by nature children of wrath That's who I was that's who you were and I'm gonna share with you how much of a wrathful child I was but The beauty of this scripture is found in the next verse. It says just as the others but verse 4 But God how many of you understand everything is dark but God You know what good is the moon unless the sun shines on it Everything is dark the moon's a reflection as soon as God comes in though but God he changes everything But God who is rich in mercy not poor? His bank vault is full of mercy doesn't matter where you came from like our precious sister who shared her testimony There is no condemnation one of the worst things I see in the whole world is in inside the Christian world It's the judgment of where I'm at and where others aren't God anyone can God can draw anyone to the mercy feet of Jesus to those holes that are burning brass in his feet that Led for all of us even if you grew up in the church and prayed 15 hours a day that same hole was for you But God who is rich in mercy Because of his great love with which he loved us Isn't it amazing that God actually loves you You know one of the biggest struggles I ever had as a believer was to believe God loved me I didn't struggle to pray. I didn't struggle to fast. I didn't struggle to preach the gospel I struggled more to believe God actually likes me He actually loves you Listen you don't have to be like everybody else if two of you become identical one of you is unnecessary here You may as well go home God made you Fashion in his image we spoke about in the car past of Latin. I need the help of women to fashion us But we're fashioned by the Lord Marked out in his image breathed on face-to-face The very first thing that God ever saw and that man ever saw through the eyes of God when God looked down at man The very first thing he saw of man was the eyes of man opening and looking him in the eyes God was always about intimacy. He was always about his image You're the image of God. He's rich in mercy. He really does love you He won't love you more when you finish that fast He adores you that's why you can worship in spirit and truth and worship with true adoration Sometimes people are like Christian penguins. They're so stiff and I'm no longer a slave to fear, but they're fearful of everyone's thoughts They're full of fear That's why I love new Christians when they first get saved because they have no idea how they're supposed to be They just are When I meet little kids one time I was preaching the gospel in this church and and this little kid some the pastor took An offering for me and they put it in a basket right here It was kind of quite awkward to be quite honest with you I'm behind the pulpit and they people are walking up putting money and so I kind of turned my back I didn't want to see what they were giving me. It was very awkward. He put it right there But a little girl she was about four or five She saw this basket full of money and as I was preaching not in the offering time later 10-15 minutes later as I was preaching she walked up on stage I said hello sweetheart She came up on stage and she looked at the money and she jumped into that basket And then she began to distribute it all and throw it out back to the crowd You know why because no one told her how to behave she is Do you understand what I'm saying? She just is She's a child of joy of fun and you're a child of God God is rich in mercy over you because of his great love with which he loved you for even while we were dead in Trespassers he made us alive together with Christ by grace you are Amen, and I'm about to tell you how I was saved But I wanted to read this because there's no one here there is nobody when you hear my testimony You'll be like wow God really can save There's nobody in this room or watching on that livestream that God cannot completely deliver and transform. I Was raised in a Christian home My father was a golf professional by that's what he did for a living. He played golf He he heard about this man in Africa named Reinhard Bonke And Reinhard Bonke had a ministry at the time where they had around, you know Maybe 30,000 people meeting in this tent that they had this big yellow tent and my father in Australia where I grew up My father where there was no internet then you know it was in the 80s My father he had this just strong conviction from God that we must move to Africa as a family We have to go there and and I'm a little kid and my dad was my hero You know people have like superman and all these things my father was it to me everything was about my dad You know and I'd go to school as a kid and people would say you know They're gonna bring their favorite toy and and I would actually literally bring my dad I would say dad Can you come for the show and tell because you're supposed to show a part of your life that you love and I would have My dad come and I loved him and I was obsessed with my father and and he was my like You know you couldn't have a son that was more infatuated with a father And he looked a bit similar to me full beard and everything and and he was a golfer and but he was a very sweet man Very very loving man and he used to give everything away and and I remember that as a kid because you know He would just always people would always be coming to our house who were like golfers and some of them were young kids and 1718 he would train them up and and then he'd preach to them tell him about Jesus and still I have contact today with some of these People who are professionals who got saved through him and and he would give all these clubs them for free And he'd pray for them and just always full of life and and very loving and he felt from God He said to my mother Jenny. He said we need to move to Africa He goes what God is doing in these in these are tents and saving people He goes I'm feeling the Lord telling us move to Africa We need to go there and serve Reinhard Bonke who at the time was not as known as he is now And if you don't know who I'm talking about you can look him up online Their ministry is seen around 79 80 million people led to the Lord Jesus 80 million But at the time it was 30,000, you know, it wasn't so big and so as a little kid I was just like awesome We're gonna go to Africa and my dad went first kind of to spy out the land and he had sent one year worth of letters One year in the mail letters every week or every second week like 30 to 40 letters And he sent them to Africa until he finally got a reply from a man named Peter Vandenberg and he said come He obviously could tell my dad's dedication was very real. He was gonna give up the the Golf profession which paid well Our young, you know me five six years old with my brother and sister young kids the living for the gospel sake and he He basically went by himself to interview there in Africa, but he called my mom a little bit into the trip And he said Jenny. I need you to pray for me. He said in in my hotel room the walls are moving and She said what do you what do you mean the walls are moving? He's he said the walls I can see the moving and he was really freaking out She said my mom said she goes you need to go to the pastors and the leaders there in in seafan and get them to Pray for you and so he did they laid hands on him, but it got worse and right before he was supposed to have His interview a few weeks. He'd been there already three weeks or so right before he was supposed to have this interview My mom made the decision. She said it's not going well. She's not sleeping. She said you need to come home So he flew back to Australia when he came back in the presence of my mother They're both praying people he was better a little bit He calmed down a little bit but he is still having these things where he'd get anxious all the time and he didn't know why and Then on my brother's first birthday when I was six years of age We were about to cut the cake and everything and and all of a sudden I hear for the first time really my father Yelling and like crazy and then back then we had these old Telephones that you put down on a thing and you ring with your finger and and my all the sudden I see my dad run and he's screaming at my mother and and he throws the telephone through the front window big window of the house And this is completely the opposite nature of of him And so I grabbed my one-year-old brother out of instinct and my mom said take him across the road because They were friends with our family and I took him and and I said something's wrong with my dad And she rang the the ambulance the police, you know that and they came and and to cut a long story short My father ended up they put him in You know in a suit type thing and and they they put him in a mental hospital and and they diagnosed him with paranoid schizophrenia something he never had before and He came back from Africa a different man to who he was when he left and so We continued to at that point to just pray I guess and every day my dad was in there sometimes for two months Really bad really serious. They put him on lithium lithium, which means you're like basically You can't function, you know, he'd sit at the kitchen table and it's still really his Bible He loved the Lord so much that he couldn't function correctly and so lazy And it's not his fault because of the medication, you know And so for me that was my hero my dad and so we would pray in the evenings My mom would pray and he would sometimes come in and pray as well and she'd say one day when your dad's delivered We're gonna have ice cream cake and we're gonna give praise to God And I just remembered that as a kid because we prayed so many times about this day of deliverance But sadly where I went to school the people in my school didn't understand any of that They weren't Christians like we were and my last name is Fitzgerald and he had schizophrenia So some of the kids got the two words fits the skits and they tease me my whole upbringing and beat me up And and I was a little kid. I was not tall a skinny kid, you know, believe it or not But I was not tall and and they would tease me fits the skits and I come home crying every day And I had no friends and and so at that point eight years of age I began to be addicted to pornography and I would walk out the back of our house and hide this stuff in the ground in The dirt literally bury it in the dirt and I would look at pornography with no sex drive I didn't have a drive for sexual things I would just look at these women on a page because it would make me feel like someone loves me and My dad was at that point. He was a bit incoherent He couldn't do what he used to do used to hug me and kiss me all the time and he just wasn't like that anymore I'd sometimes say dad and he just look I couldn't get his attention the same way And so I began to be addicted to pornography at the age of eight fully addicted and and then by the age of like nine I was actually selling The pornography was very weird how what I started to do and but still not looking at it with lustful capacities It was very strange because you're a little kid and then Still though every night, you know every two nights my mom she'd come into my bed And she said let's pray for dad and and I just pray for dad And so then we couldn't leave the house because in that four year period between like six and when I was ten Years old my father was so volatile We couldn't leave because if we left the house he may smash, you know, my mom was his full-time carer He couldn't work as a golf professional anymore Everything was and still we're believing when he gets delivered We're all gonna go back to Africa because we're supposed to work for bonky. That's God's will and We had one day the first day where they said my mom and my dad had talked and my dad was a bit concerned that We never got away out of the house ever we never went anywhere in four and a half years And so my mom and dad agreed that she would take me my sister and brother away for one night And my dad gave me this little handheld fishing reel My mom took us near a beach around about an hour's drive from our house And we stayed in a tent one night and my dad gave me a little fishing reel, you know the ones you put with your hand as a little kid and And he sat me down it was interesting he sat me down and he gave me this fishing reel He started crying he said he said Ben I love you and I was like I love you too, dad I love you dad, you know, so I loved him and he when he said that it was real special because he didn't say that quite as much Those days, you know, and he gave me this hand fishing reel and he just looked at me and just he just had tears in his eyes It was very very deep moment I was like I love you dad and he he gave me that fishing reel and I went away that night with my mom and With my brother and sister and I put the fishing reel in and I honestly believed to this day That was the Lord because I had no idea what I was doing, you know And I put it over the side of a pier and I caught a fish and and that's what the last thing my dad said to me Before we left that night was catch me a fish So I did and I slept with that thing my mom was so angry She wrapped in newspaper, you know, and I slept with the fish like I put it She's like get that thing out of the tent, you know, I love that fish and I was so excited the next day So we're driving back to see dad and I just couldn't wait to show him the fish So I was the first one to run inside and I said dad, you know dad It's like I caught you a fish dad and and he wasn't responding he was I thought well Maybe he's asleep and I I ran around the house and I got into his bedroom and he there he was in bed. I said dad dad I caught you a fish Dad and I'm looking at him. I go dad dad dad Nothing So I dropped the fish and I walked over to him I touched him and his head was ice-cold and I jumped back and I actually felt something dark on Me at 10 and he was dead and I knew instantly he's dead. I said mom I said I said mom I said screaming and she's like what and I ran outside where she was unloading the car I said dad's dead. I said he's dead and she goes. Don't she goes. Don't you dare say that? I said mommy. He is dead. I said help mom help and she freaked out. She went inside and then I ran I ran from the house I Didn't run inside. I ran I took off the police found me several hours later by myself My father that night. He'd taken 70 sleeping tablets 70 he committed suicide He took his life. It was too much. He felt like what he was doing to our family and he'd have these violent outbursts and he just couldn't do it anymore and He felt like he put us through such suffering and he took his own life, but at that point I began to run I mean, I really ran The two hour of me going alone was an indication of what was happening in here See my hero and everything I live for the love that I received from him It was dying, but it really died in that moment You know, I really took on this deep deep wound of grief and rejection and when you mix rejection with an already strong Porn addiction you mix the two together. What's gonna happen? You're just gonna get pretty dark, you know and so I ran and I ran I cut my mother off I cut my sister and brother off I mean, I still spoke to my mother, but I was different I was just a completely different boy as soon as I could I did everything I could do to rebel I went to school my mom tried to get me into school. I was a smart kid But I just started to rebel like crazy different boy I was gentle sweet like my dad funny and everything and then before that and after that a different person And then I was in school and so every time I could do I'd grab an apple and just throw it at there The leader of the school hit the leader in the head. I'm kicked out of school You know and then next minute I'm out of school something like that would happen, you know next minute at 14 years of age I'm leaving school completely. I started working as an apprentice now the porn addiction has become sexual now It's become an addiction to women not pornography 14 years of age. I'm living by myself I move into this house with an older man to do an apprenticeship And I just start running down this road and I was doing exactly what I did after I touched my dad's Deadhead when I touched him. I just ran inside so sin and grief this terrible concoction, you know The Bible says clearly though like I just read in Ephesians 2 one with all sin Every trespass is the same even if I didn't have the grief the sin would still be causing me to run Because you're running from the truth of what can really redeem you and my dad he was my world So everything about my life was I want him to be healed. I was exceptionally disappointed You know an angry inside why didn't this happen and why didn't why wasn't he delivered and I was so sure and So I was just running and and next minute I find myself in very bad scenarios I find myself at you know, 17 18 years of age starting to deal the drug ecstasy and And playing pool, you know pool like eight ball nine ball I used to play four to six hours a day In fact, I could have been if I continued in the road. I was in I could have been a professional I was very very good and and trying to become a professional pool player But I was dealing ecstasy and using women a woman would come into my life She'd be in my world for a month. Her world would be destroyed All the manipulation of me all the the using of people all the toughness I put on this tough face I wasn't tough at all on the inside I was terrified But I was hardened on the outside because of this grief and sin and all of the things that sin produces It slowly just inches you further toward the death of conscience and then the death of the flesh and then the eternal death Which is not a real death It's where you're in hell and it's where you're faced with everything that you ever did and demons are your masters It's terrible that place is not for any human being That's why God came in the flesh of his own son God in the likeness of man Sorry, God in the image of God came down in the likeness of man that man in his fallen image of man Maybe come back to the likeness of God and this is Jesus, you know, and I didn't know that Jesus I just knew grief and sin. I used to do terrible things But I don't want to really boast about them because they're stupid They just they're honestly just the outcome of sin and grief But I would do weird things like I would I would turn off all the lights in my house I hated natural light. I'd go to bed at four in the morning I'd put the shower on cold and sit there in the freezing shower because I thought that I deserved to not have a Good shower even though I was in sin. I had all these strange things that I would do I wouldn't want natural light on people turn the light on in the lounge room. I'd say turn it off turn the light off I was afraid of light. I was I was beating myself I maybe I blame myself for my father's suicide because I went away the night that he committed suicide But the last thing you said to me was catch me a fish and I did But by this point now, I'm destroying everyone who's in my world. I'm fake I'm wearing so many masks. You wouldn't believe like I was manipulative I could do anything I could take a sales job and just turn it into I'd be a great salesman And then within a few weeks I'd steal from them majorly steal from them I would collect money for a disabled foundation. I'm not disabled. I lied I begin to collect false government checks. I knew what to do. I was a bad kid I lived out of home since 14 my mother was heartbroken though And my mother was like many of you in this crowd or many of you watching at home my mother was a praying mother and My mother never let go of Jesus and she never let go of me and I tell you what I'd rather have the Mafia against me than a praying mother any day If you're in this crowd or you're at home watching and you're like I'm kind of backslidden I'm not fully with Jesus and you have a praying mom You may as well just get down here and repent because you are doomed. You are doomed She's gonna get you. God will get you because of that woman So the Holy Spirit begin to speak to me in nightclubs God was haunting me. I had all these beautiful women. I had all this stuff that you think you'd want I could put cocaine up my nose, but inside I was dying The sin that there I'll be my man. I'll be I'll do my thing I'll be I'll shut down my heart I'll all these things that I did all they led to was just further and further inward darkness and shame It just was nothing. It felt like nothing, but it was all fake and Then I had a profound experience my girlfriend at the time like looked like a supermodel Worked at the nightclub that I was in and I used to go to that nightclub all the time and sell drugs and stuff And just try and act like a tough guy and and this thing was starting to wear off on me And one night it was like God opened the veil on me and I felt so depressed But it was like I could see all these people in a dark club Rubbing up against each other trying to drink and they just talk such a big game They talk such a big life and and I was and I knew a lot of these people and I just could see them And I'm like I'm like what's happening here and it's like God lifted the veil on me And I could see this human search for significance Like the preacher says of Ecclesiastes by the way the wealthiest man who ever lived at the sum total of his life at the very end Says all is vanity all is grasping for the wind He could look over his palisades massive mansions He had 12 bronze lions around the largest swimming pool You've ever seen and he looked out there and all these women he had and he said all is vanity It's grasping for the win to know God is life He had everything but didn't have this and he understood and I begin to understand for some reason I didn't think of God, but I thought of the people. I'm like, what are we doing? Why why is everyone trying to be have a six pack? Why does everybody have to look better than the next guy? Why is that girl going home with a guy she just met he could be a rapist Why and I started to think about this and I said to my girlfriend working in the club I said Alina her name was Alina Which actually is almost like a bit of a Ukrainian sort of Russian name Alina I said Alina I'm going home She goes you okay. I said no, I said this is all fake I threw the drugs out in the crowd and I said this is all fake. I went to my house I did exactly what I did every night in my house. I turned the lights off when I got in I sat there and I lit up a cigarette all that was in my the lounge room of my house was the light of a cigarette Smelt like terrible. I live with other people who dealt drugs. It was a terrible place to be terrible place to live But I lit up a cigarette and I turned on the TV for a minute And there was a man preaching on the TV and it was offensive at first to me And I would have usually shut it down People used to come to me and say my mom for example I'd go to her house and hide drugs sometimes and she'd stop me in the hallway And she'd say I'm praying for you to say get out of my way and the demons in me would tell me like run out The back there's something in me would be like get away from your mother because she had power She had God in her and I'd say don't you ever pray for me? I'd threaten her and stuff and and then she wouldn't care she go God's told me You are going to preach the gospel all around the earth. She has God has promised me and I wouldn't I didn't believe her but With the light of only a cigarette See I had all these other stuff, you know, I'd cash in my pocket all this thing these things you think would build your security Beautiful women are you can have all that Everybody gets old but You can have beauty. It's not bad. It's good, but it doesn't last forever You can have money in your pocket that comes that goes you can burn that thing up in a second Someone can drop you like that you can be fired from the biggest company can turn bankrupt How many stories have we heard about people who all of a sudden at the very top of the echelon of the corporate chain a Jumping off a bridge committing suicide because everything they put themselves into was a paper note They fractionalize our identity people do it now with Instagram you can do with your Instagram I'm gonna become popular. You know what you're telling God. I'm worth someone double tapping on a screen What a joke What a what an absolute I mean if you could subtract humanity down to its lowest level and show what sin really is there it is Like my value comes from a comment on a Facebook That's how I was but I didn't realize that's how I was So I turned the TV off after a few minutes of listening that preacher But God was not done with that sermon and I didn't know that Just the light of the cigarette and then the left side of the room The Lord Jesus entered the left side of my lounge room at 415 in the morning and As Jesus came in to the left side of that lounge room. I mean, I'm sitting there with a cigarette in my hand filthy Full of sin You have no idea like I had that girlfriend you might might think oh, he just had a girlfriend Nah, I was addicted to prostitutes too. I cheated on her every week. I was a manipulator. I did not know who I was I was fake. I didn't know my value I was longing for someone to show it to me, but I didn't know it. It was a mask and Jesus came and I knew I knew somehow It's God because when he came through it came through the left side of the lounge room And I have a cigarette there and all of a sudden in my heart I can feel and it was like like kind of like loud through me I can feel this presence and then the voice of God Thundering on the inside of me and the first thought I had I remember the very first thought was like how can God be? Talking in me. I'm not a Christian. How can his voice? I was really confused by it I was like, I know how I live and but I can hear this voice inside me that was not my conscience You might say, oh, Ben, that was your voice. You imagine it. You did drugs No, you can't imagine yourself to forgive everybody that's ever hurt you You can't imagine yourself to stop trying to beat people in the face You can't imagine yourself to stop trying to to make money as your God and you can't imagine to just be on your face Days later begging your mom to forgive you telling her. I love you Please forgive me for all the pain I caused you a little voice in your head cannot make that kind of a transformation But with this cigarette in my hand Jesus spoke to me. You know what he said? He said son Jesus called me his son before I'd even said the sinless prayer He said son, I love you And he said I want you to give your life to me and then for one hour He began to tell me about my life about who he is about the gospel and about my future and I just lost it. I mean I For the first time in in years. I was crying I was I was an absolute mess and and I could feel like this waves of peace and even though The cigarette he never told me put down the cigarette He never told me I'll talk to you once you finish your cigarette Jesus is not religion Jesus is God Jesus knows the state of man. He's not a God who comes to put another heavy burden on you He's a God who comes to lift them to lift the thousand pounds of falsehood and sin and weight That's on your soul. And so as Jesus began to speak to me I just lost it and the Lord began to tell me he loved me and it was inside me the voice on the inside How can Jesus speak to a prostitute addict like that? How can Jesus speak to a fake man that I what like the the liar I was? It's because he made you and it's because he bled and already took that liar on the cross He took that man. He took that fake stuff. He took all that falsehood He took that addiction to sex that I had since aid he took it all there on that cross He died as me he was in all things poor that I might in him become rich in him He became the poorest of poor. We don't understand his suffering How can you go from the most glorious place to the lowest place and be happy and joyful to do it for the joy set before him How can you do that? Someone loses their car or their job and they're depressed He bankrupted himself out of heaven and even had the greatest things he to me My father was everything and to Jesus his father was everything and my father committed suicide and the father in heaven ever Never ever left Jesus, but because of who he because he became as us because of who we were He was separated for a moment from God and God's own heart broke that he even had to separate himself from the son for us so that we could never again say that We have to be separate in All forms became as us in all points became weak tempted But never sin so he was a perfect lamb ready to be slain God was rich in mercy and he bankrupted the whole vault and put it in a man called Jesus And he said I'll place that man in the earth just to be as you to walk as you to understand you to fellowship with your Sufferings to walk through the left side of your drug dealer's house and tell you that I love you and I can change you That's our Jesus. He's not a dead religion. He's not an impressive three-point sermon He could care less about that. What kind of award will you get when you get to heaven the best sermon award? The best Instagram award The Lord is love his life love the Lord God with all your hearts on one and strength to love your neighbors yourself on these two Hang all the law and the prophets the Lord himself is life And I met life that morning. I didn't meet religion. I Met the person my mother would tell me about I met the person my father used to seek that I would I'd watch him Adore I met that Jesus. I met forgiveness. I met freedom It is for freedom that Christ has set us free therefore do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage no longer Are you a slave? We sing it every week. I'm no longer a slave to fear. It's the absolute truth. You are a child of God and God wants to give you freedom And so the Lord So I started to I just lost and as the Holy Spirit began to speak to me I said God, I want to give you my life I mean the house smelled like disgusting and cigarettes everywhere and and I was sitting I'll be even more vulnerable. I wasn't even clothed. I was sitting in boxer shorts alone. I wasn't even clothed I wasn't clothed or in my right mind like some other man in a Gadarene's area I was not in my right mind or clothes and it's start at stank that Jesus didn't judge me Did he convict me? Oh, yeah Did he was his holiness eminent? Yeah. Oh, yes. Did I still want to go and just smoke more? No I wanted him Because I tasted of John 1010. I came to bring life and life in abundance abundantly My girlfriend came home at just after five. She heard two words come out of my mouth. She never heard before. I said Alina I said, I'm sorry She never heard me say that. I Used to blame her for everything. It was all her fault Some of you husbands your older men you you love God you blame your wife for everything. The Lord doesn't hear your prayers you've been You've had the bucket loads of mercy poured over your soul and you hold your wife to account for the smallest things The Lord doesn't hear your prayer. You need to get your heart back with the Lord Be fresh in the spirit of the Lord and just in the joy of his beauty and forgiveness And So Alina was like what's happened to you and I said I saw Jesus Jesus He spoke to me and I didn't see him physically but he came in the room I said Jesus he changed my heart and I said and she's like are you okay? Maybe we need to go to sleep. I said no no no Alina I said really and she knew two or three days later sleeping next to her still I didn't really know how to become you know I had some things to still work out in the first times of God, but God's so merciful I'm sleeping next to her all of a sudden she'd wake up screaming She'd say I was being chased by a lion in my sleep. She's not a Christian has no background as a Christian I'm being chased by a lion, but the lion had no teeth and it got to me But these hundred and forty four thousand people who had white robes they were safe from the lion She's never read the Bible. She's never read Revelation and I didn't even know where that was But I said I think the that hundred and forty four thousand things in the Bible and She became a Christian too. She got radically born again She got set free delivered all that stuff and then I began to go on this track in this course Of actually walking with the Lord There was no YouTube so I read my Bible four to five hours a day and I just sat in front of the word I buried my life between the covers of this book and I found out that everybody talked about Jesus Why wouldn't you talk about Jesus? Oh Ben? You're more bold. You're passionate. No, I'm a 70% introvert I love being alone. Oh, you're this Ben you're that everybody can categorize everybody in as long as you can get out of you Actually following God Like come on. We have to be bigger than this So I began to preach the gospel. I was nervous. I was claustrophobic. I was a flight afraid of planes I never darkened the whole of a plane until I was around 20 and the first 16 Sorry was the first flight ever and the next one was 27 I would gladly drive 20 hours rather than fly now I fly 200 days a year all this fear all this manipulation all this control all that was in me was actually Defying me living until I met King Jesus So I preached every day I go to the street Talk to people that Jesus pray for the sick cast out demons on the street I remember my first time that I really had a word of knowledge a woman I was at a hot dog stand and I got the hot dog and as I'm eating a hot dog all of a sudden I looked at her and I knew that she was raped. I don't know how I knew I Just knew and I went back to the hot dog thing and I said excuse me. I said my name is Ben I I believe in God. I said I believe I heard something from God for you And I didn't know how all that worked and she goes excuse me. I said I believe I heard something from God about you I don't believe in God. She goes I'm working. Thank you, but please can you go away? I was like I was really angry and this guy started laughing at me And I walked away and the Holy Spirit said go back and he said she was raped when she was 14 The only reason she didn't want to hear what you said then is because she's angry She thinks it was me who let it happen and I went over to her and I said excuse me and the man still standing He's like who is this idiot and I looked at her and I said I know that you said go away I'm sorry. I said but Jesus told me you were raped when you were 14 And you blame God because he didn't save you from being raped, but it wasn't God God hated what he saw and God was weeping as you were raped and This woman I mean lost it, you know She goes can you please wait till the end of my shift? I let her to the Lord about five minutes after she finished work And I begin to do that every day and There was no there was no Instagram There was no Twitter I had this thing called wanting to please God I Had this amazing profound thing that some Christians have called actually wanting to please the audience of one Some Christians have it Others are just trying to be pleased and and fill their soul and flood their life with some kind of thing that This temporary this guy likes me pastor hugged me today. I must be okay pastor won't be there on the day of judgment Pastor doesn't give that oil of love to Jesus. He does that for himself. He can't do it for you. What about you and Jesus? I Was just preaching because I love God and I tasted and seen and that the Lord is good And I had to tell the people God's good And so I did and then I began to seek the Lord and fast and the craziest thing happened right after I was like six or seven months after I saved I got on a train in Melbourne, Australia where I'm from to Geelong 50 minutes train ride And I got on the train and it was pretty empty and I have my Bible used to have a little Gideon's bar We know those little tiny ones has Psalms and Proverbs as well four hours and just like devouring this thing and just love God No one knows who I am no one I didn't care about that. I didn't care about being known I cared about pleasing him. I cared about truly knowing that when I'd read the scriptures I would I'd be enlightened by the person of the Lord I was really fascinated with Jesus because I'd just been saved out of such trash You know and all my friends started getting saved Because they knew I was a different person and I would trick them I'd invite them to church as a trick, you know, I came to your basketball thing come to my shirt I was very manipulative in a good way, you know, so come to my thing, you know and I'd say this guy's sharing he used to be in the mafia this guy called Tom Papanya Papani or something He came to Australia once I said this guy used to be in the mafia man I said come bro. This guy was like gangsters. He's serious. I said yeah come and he sat there And the evangelist Tom Papanya who was once in the mafia. He was very good He said everybody stand your feet and he goes now sit down if you're a Christian and only the non-christians were standing And he was looking right at them and he said you must be saved, you know crazy stuff My friend got born again, but listen all my friends they all begin to drop into the love of Jesus but Something very strange happened to me and this shows the sovereignty of God and God is sovereign that you're watching God is Sovereignty you're sitting here. You're on God's calendar today. It's no mistake. You're here You think no, no, I went to this church a month ago and it is no mistake Make no mistake. You can have an ordinary service. Okay, that was a precious testimony Or you can allow the life changing life forming God of mercy to come over your life To come over the swell of your porn addiction to come over the swell of your anger toward blaming everybody else You need to treat me this way and treat me that way and come on man. Look at the holes again Look at the holes again And go oh if he stood here the lamb of God the emperor of the universe if he stood here and held out his hands and Showed you his holes the blood dripping from them. You wouldn't have any excuse You wouldn't you'd let go of those little rights like that that all fall in his presence All the sickness in your body you'd have faith for the healing power of God The fire of the Holy Spirit would come on you you wouldn't make excuses the emperor with holes in his hands It would be enough for you to say here's my heart take the hole in my heart through those holes in your feet Take the hole in my heart. Take the fake mask the falsehood So on this train, this is what happened I Fell asleep reading my Bible We came to a stop And all of a sudden a man taps him on the shoulder I wake up shocked and he handed to me a hand-fishing reel Hand one just like the one my father gave me Over ten years ago I looked at he goes you drop this he had he was a tall guy big white beard and white long hair And he was about 70 I'd say And I go no, no, this isn't mine. I looked up he was gone And I was like and the first thing I did was I tried to find him because I was like I go What the heck I said, this isn't mine. I got this isn't mine. I started to look and I couldn't find the guy Now I don't know whether he was a man or an angel. I don't know I don't understand that part I know it wasn't God because I didn't feel that eminence from him But I did feel it was so strange But he disappeared maybe he got off and walked left and I couldn't see him at the station We're at I don't know so I don't proclaim to know but what I know is this I know it happened after I was like who the heck is that guy? No one else on the train in the in the whole carriage just me And I sat back down and I'm holding this fishing rod and the Lord said now you catch me a fish He said the same thing to me as a father. He said you catch me a fish And so I began to preach the gospel and that's all I've done since and I'm not shutting up anytime soon And and now we have a ministry called awakening in Europe I think I'm past the Vlad wanted me to put one of the pictures up I went into this little stadium I think it might be up there somewhere and I went in there by myself a few years ago and into Europe and I know not that one That's that's what happened after I went in there Past the Vlad wanted me to put the one of me standing there for some reason. No, not that either These are all fantastic and they're all actually what happened. There I am I stood in that thing by myself but the same voice The same voice I love you Ben Follow me the same voice He said that thousands will turn to me and I'm like that's like my mom said And so the the end result was that we begin to preach the gospel all over europe and we're still doing it today And actually the after that that was a fun time walking in there and seeing nothing Having no favor in the german church having no influence at all Trust me at all like had nothing no money nothing And and then the real picture of what happened was 27 000 people filled that stadium That's an altar called two and a half thousand people answered the altar called on the very ground Where hitler used to preach and commission his army And jesus is commissioning an army of jesus people all over europe. It's awesome, man. It's so crazy. So So now I'm trying to catch fish And today i'd like a fish But I just catch him I catch and give The lord is the one after you. He's the lord of the harvest It doesn't matter if you're in this room and you've been a christian 45 years If you've lost that innocence and flame If your respectability has become your god. Oh, I stand there in worship and I just quietly say love you god You've lost that zeal You've lost that what the bible calls first love fire return to your first love Jesus said I don't want to take your lampstand away Jesus is not trying to take us away But when he spoke to the church of Ephesians in Ephesians chapter revelation 2 when he said to that church He said please he said return to your first love. You know what he said and by the way You can't blame your leaders. This church was the best church in the world You know who was the pastor of that church at one time? It was timothy You know who else was in that church mary the mother of jesus herself was in that church the revelator John was in that church and apollos They had apollos john mary and timothy all of them in that church leading that church They had apostolic. They had prophetic. They had glory. I'm sure they're in the midst of a tumultuous Area and generation they had miracles like crazy. They had the power of god and jesus even says that he goes You're known people know you you've got all this stuff He said nevertheless. I have one thing against you one thing only When jesus says he has anything against you you quickly want to make sure it's not against him anymore But he didn't say i'm against you like he's in what a joke you are Why would he tell you hey look i've got something that really we need to talk about I'm telling you this because I love you. He said you've lost the zeal for me You used to do this for me You used to love me. You used to have a fishing reel in your hand thinking of heaven You used to used to love this thing and just dive yourself and bury your life in the covers of the book here and and be able to Turn off your tv. Leonard raven hill said how are we going to destroy and pray? We destroy the strongholds of satan if we cannot turn off the switch of the tv We want revival don't we we want awakening want to fast even fasting It's amazing and I fully feel the spirit of the lord on what they're doing and what you guys are doing I feel it but even fasting you can patch yourself on the back and still be cold as ice in your heart And still mistreat your wife still love your pornography more than jesus Still be back sitting and go I'm not coming to god. That's what I used to do to my mom. I threatened her You know one of my best friends now is my mother You know what one of our favorite things to do together is is to tell people about jesus together You know what kind of a precious thing that is Memories you can never ever get any other way except through the spirit to in each other living in the spirit Don't you want joy back? Jesus said I warn you He said return to your first love and he said lest your lamp go out lest I take it from you He said that at around 40 ad in the church of Ephesus was dead Completely shut down and closed by 50 ad They had a 10-year window And they didn't follow He wasn't rebuking timothy Jesus wasn't rebuking. We know john the revelator. He was full on or marry the mother of jesus But the church they were coasting They were cruising And they need that mercy again God is love first john for aid He so loved the world that he loves you enough to give you his whole life Every hole every scar they tore ribbons off him and thought of you while they did it Would you give your heart to him today? Would you give your life to him today? You're watching at home. Would you be real with god? Would you take like I had the mask off and just say jesus i'll be real with you For god is rich in mercy because of his great love with which he loves you Even while you were dead he made your life together in christ