 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, why would a man pursue me if he's going to ghost? Real quickly before we get started, if this video resonates with you, please hit the like button or write a comment. Love to hear your thoughts on it. Okay and please hit the subscribe button and the bell as well so you can get new content. Okay why would a guy pursue me if he's just going to ghost? Okay now for those that aren't familiar with ghosting really quickly ghosting basically means someone disappearing the way a ghost would disappear in other words a ghost is there and then it's gone. So a ghost represents disappearing acts. So why would a man pursue a woman if he's basically going to disappear? Well I want to go into the psychological reasons as well as the biological reasons. So why do men pursue anything? Obviously they want something and so if you're meeting a total stranger which is oftentimes the case in the dating process today and what I mean to say is rarely are we actually going out on first or second or third dates with someone who we know who's familiar. While it does happen you meet someone in the workplace you meet someone it may be a social event maybe you were introduced by friends. Most of the time we're meeting total strangers because we're meeting through an internet connection. In fact roughly about 50% of all new relationships for those folks who are over 45 years old are actually meeting through an online connection and while that's antidotal that seems to be relatively accurate from the perspective of I've been doing surveys for years. Okay so biologically men pursue women because we're biologically driven by sex. So that chase or pursuit is oftentimes coming from a biological place but that's not always the case for all men but in many cases especially if the pursuit is intense with somebody who's a total stranger what I mean is they don't really actually know the person. So if the pursuit is very intense it's oftentimes biological but there's also a behavioral reason why people men chase and why women want to be in relationship is because we want connection. We want to feel connected to another human being. We want companionship and that sort of thing. So from a biological from a from a emotional perspective our desire to connect with another human being is very strong and the dating and mating process is one of those portals to connect with other human beings. So here's what happens someone's chasing either from a biological perspective or an emotional perspective needing connection but what happens is once they've interacted with you and they've done kind of a little bit of due diligence just like you're doing your own due diligence of deciding you want to be in a relationship with this person they recognize that it's not a fit. In other words it's not a it's not a fit. It's not a fit and in many cases their pursuit was driven by this either behavioral or physical and not because you were really the person that they want in your life but this can be so confusing because I know how often you hear especially when there is that chemical bond where men will say oh my god you're like nobody else I've ever seen before you're so amazing I could see us getting married we could travel together because they're driven by that testosterone or they're driven by that behavioral need to connect and not because they actually know you. Now if you're not familiar with the book Attached I want you to check out the book Attached because it talks about the three different types of attachment styles anxious avoidant and secure and in many cases avoidant men will pursue based on biological reasons or behavioral reasons but the minute it becomes too intimate they pull away because it's too much for them from a an emotional perspective. Intimacy is very difficult for those avoidant personalities whereas anxious personalities lean into it more because they feel like the only way they can feel good about themselves is if somebody else likes them and this is true whether it's a man or a woman the attachment is not just about men it's about men and women equally. Now the ghosting piece is basically I'm gonna say most men ghost because there's an old Attach hell have no fury like a woman scorned hell have no fury like a woman scored so in many cases men disappear because they don't want to experience any wrath and while it's a chicken shit way of approaching it it just happens to be many reasons the reason why many men just don't even offer a reason why they're not going to continue to pursue you anymore and sometimes to be honest they don't even know why they don't want to pursue you anymore because that biology and that emotional was driving the bus and once they recognize the the subconscious recognizes that this person isn't a right fit for them they're actually on an emotional level confused as to why they may not like you anymore. Let me repeat that on a subconscious level they're confused or excuse me on a conscious level they're confused because they're subconscious says this person isn't right for them and this is very tricky that's why I encourage you to study human behavior to read books like Attach or read books like getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks or certainly reading my book what the heck is self-love anyway because that prepares you to be in a healthy happy relationship so check out my books and there's a link below if you want to check out my book. All right you get a little bit of a just why a man might pursue and then ghost and while this isn't an absolute this is a bit of a generalization it's often the reason for this case. Okay I'd like to hear your thoughts on this please post a comment below if this resonated with you or if you thought if you have something you'd like to contribute please post a comment like to hear about it hit like if you enjoyed it. Also if you'd like to get some actual dating advice and speak to me directly there is a link below to schedule a one-on-one call with me to see if working with a coach might be right for you. Okay I'm gonna sign off this video as I always do giving you a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug if I have your consent. Aw thank you. Mmm. Wishing you a wonderful day. Thanks so much. Bye bye now.