 Do not be afraid of love or the course it will take. There is no certainty in life. Choose love first and choose love last, and it will give you more than you ever give it. Dhanakadard. Every human being yearns for the same thing, to experience affection and an intimate connection with another person. When we are infants, the mere fact that our caregivers attend to our needs when we cry soothed us unconsciously. But why is it that when faced with a loving partner, you may sometimes feel compelled to build walls? Yes, a certain amount of apprehension is definitely normal, but when you are afraid of falling in love to the point that it becomes overwhelming, you may be experiencing philophobia. Psychiatrist Dr. Narada explained that philophobia is defined as an excessive fear of falling in love, which is detrimental to mental health and social relationships. Psychologist Dr. Ramina Tavermina in a journal article titled Why Are We Afraid to Love said that you might feel fear of falling in love to a varying extent based on your attachment patterns and defense mechanisms you developed as a result of early trauma. A depressed and anxious mother may be unable to help you deal with strong emotions and feelings, causing you to feel insecure and dependent. Or perhaps you have an emotionally distant relationship with your father, causing you to feel emotionally tethered to your family or origin as a result. Your childhood attachments serve as a template for how you believe relationships should be for the rest of your life. Therefore, problems in these early relationships may cause you to put your guard up in your current relationships. With that said, how can you identify if you're afraid of falling in love? Actions. Intentions. Picture this. You've met a special person and you know you've met your true love. As you fall deeply in love with this person, you find yourself always criticizing him for his small behaviors, even when he doesn't deserve it. It's as if you are subconsciously trying to create a wedge between both of you and drive him away. As clinical psychologist Dr. Firestone points out, your attachment history heavily influences the way you create distance in a relationship. For example, someone who is dismissive avoidant may not want to get too close to others and resent others relying on them. When there are significant other voices dissatisfaction about wanting more from them, they feel their partner is too needy, causing them to withdraw even further. Someone with a fearful avoidant attachment pattern has the tendency to pull away when things get too close, but the opposite can also occur when they sense that their partner is pulling away. So do you remember any moments when your actions were not aligned with what you felt? Overly critical. Are you too focused on your partner's flaws? Do you fall into the pitfall of overanalyzing their actions and intentions? You may hear your inner voice say, he never put up an effort to celebrate your anniversary, he doesn't really care about you. Although your significant other does 90% of the task, you are fixated on the 10% that is incomplete. According to therapist David Brouscher, this negative internal monologue is the result of your self-critical inner voice. The more critical you are of yourself, the more critical you will be of others, and even more so to those dearest to you. This inner critic is a terrible life coach, who is scared to generate distance. If you find this video relatable and helpful, please give the video a thumbs up and subscribe to the channel. Now, moving on to the next point, detached. Let's say your significant other pours her heart out to you about a conflict she had with her coworker. But you find it hard to engage in that conversation. Dr. Firestone explained that this is known as emotional detachment. You'll remain detached if you are afraid of getting too close to the person you love. It's natural for you to feel nervous when you're embarking on a new relationship. The act of falling in love involves taking a real risk. However, if you're afraid of getting too close to someone, you'll be hesitant to accept the risk, which causes you to feel vulnerable and unsafe. Therefore, you tend to keep them at arm's length for as long as possible. Second guessing. Have you ever experienced immense excitement when you're on a date with someone but the very next day, a voice chimes in? He's just being nice. He's not that into you. Suddenly that excitement shifts into doubts and fears. According to Dr. Firestone, this second guessing can actually be a sign that you're afraid of falling in love. The moment your love is within your reach, you start to question it. This can manifest by trying to pick a fight or pushing your partner away because being close to someone activates your fear of loss and the agony of not having felt that love during your early years. Secretive. Do you become passive-aggressive in a romantic relationship instead of verbalizing your true feelings? For example, when your partner does something that makes you uncomfortable, you find it hard to explain how you feel. Licensed marriage and family therapist Alison Gomez explains in a Mind Body Green article that someone who is afraid of closeness in a relationship experiences difficulty advocating for what they really want. Furthermore, you prefer to keep certain things to yourself to maintain low expectations. Because of this, you might be in a relationship with someone for a long time but feel like strangers in certain ways because the relationship remains on surface level. Relationships that end can certainly burn our hearts with intense pain. And falling in love involves taking that risk. Nevertheless, isn't it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Love is one of the most rewarding experiences of being human and being close to it robs you of having meaningful relationships. Love requires sacrifice, but it can also be one of the most fulfilling and selfless challenges you will ever face. Can you relate to any of these signs? I can. Let us know in the comments below. And remember, you matter.