 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic is your masculine energy turning guys off. Well, we'll find out. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so it can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian. So in my content, might seem contrary to what you hear out there and you have to decide for yourself if it makes sense. All right, let's jump into the topic. If your masculine energy is turning guys off. Really quickly, I just wanna say something. Are you frustrated or annoyed or disappointed or just pulling your hair out with all the dating advice out there? I am sure it must be scary. Not a scary is not the right word, but it just must be overwhelming to hear so much dating rhetoric out there. In fact, nowadays it seems like everybody is giving dating advice. I can't open my phone right now without someone popping up, someone new popping up giving dating advice. And it's gotta be very frustrating. You're hearing about anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style. What did I write down? Dopamine, oxytocin, men are hunters, women should play hard to get, ghosting, bread crumbing, what else? I wrote some things down. Men pull away hypergamy, ghosting, and I said, and then lastly, masculine and feminine energy. So there is just a lot of rhetoric out there to kind of sift through. And if you're a person seeking a genuine, fully committed relationship, it must be rather overwhelming because so many people say, a lot of people say the same things. Other people like myself are contrary to what you hear. And it must be very confusing. I know I feel overwhelmed with the amount of information that comes in my inbox when I even watch some of my contemporaries. So I'm here to say, I'm with you. I get it, it's frustrating. And this is why I wanna particularly today address the notion of masculine and feminine energy because I hear a lot of advice out there, particularly for women, suggesting that they need to get out of their masculine energy and into their feminine energy to make a relationship work or to make the dating process work. And I just wanna lean into this a little bit because there's a lot of confusion on this. And let me give you some examples. They might, some of the coaches might start up by saying, well, you're in work mode all day. You know, and when then you go out on a date and you're still in work mode, you're still in kind of hunter mode and such like that. You just need to shift that energy into receiving and just allow the man to give to you. I'm sure you've heard this advice. And then you've heard other advice that when you're controlling, criticizing, judging, being defensive, that that's all in your masculine energy. And all you have to simply do is lean back into your feminine and just be soft and cordial, kind and agreeable. And everything will just magically work out. And then they might lean into the idea of what feminine energy is, but then if a guy is in his feminine energy, it's a turn off, it's needy, it's very dependent. So can't you imagine how confusing all this is? I know I feel confused about all this. So today I just wanna share with you my perceptions on this. And then we can have a conversation about that. So I'm here to say that masculine is simply doing and feminine is receiving. I'm gonna repeat that, doing or receiving. And let's face it, most of the time, most human beings, men and women alike are in their, they're constantly in their masculine energy. We are constantly in our doing energy, okay? And one of the challenges in relationship is the understanding that it's not about doing, it's really about learning to receive. And this is true for men and women alike. Can we receive a compliment? Can we receive a kind gesture? Can we receive generosity? And so I wanna shift the narrative from masculine and feminine to simply giving and receiving. And the fact of the matter is it's not, okay, so I know you're told you're in your masculine all day long and when you go on your date, just be in your feminine, just sit there and receive. But I just want you to imagine, you're just sitting there receiving, receiving, receiving, receiving, and he's doing all this work and he's like, God, I'm doing all this work giving and she doesn't give anything back. Isn't that, can't you imagine that would be a turn off to a guy? This is why, and by the way, a lot of times ladies and men as well have a hard time just simply receiving a compliment. They have a hard time simply receiving generosity. This is true for men as well. So ladies, when you're in that mode of being a genuine giver, a man also has a hard time receiving. And that's the conversation that I'd like to lean into today, that it's not so much about being in your masculine and feminine. It's learning how to be both a giver and a receiver, both in the early stages of relationship or later on in a relationship. I gotta tell you something, there are a lot of men out there have a difficult time receiving. And then they're gonna be considered overly masculine if they can't receive. Is it overly masculine? Well, I'm not really sure about that. And this is why it's more important to listen to advice that's more personal development-based instead of dating-based. Let me repeat that, more in the area of personal development than dating-based. In fact, I wanna suggest that a lot of dating advice pits men up against women and women up against men. And it's not really working on the individual empowerment. It's mostly the rule, coming back to the book I always talk about, the rules-based way of dating, which is a very much a pinning men and women against each other. And I want to incorporate or at least invite everybody to take more of a personal development approach to their love life. This is why I continually recommend my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? It's a journey of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work. I'm gonna repeat that, a journey of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work. So it's not about dating advice, it's about feeling great within yourself. By the way, all the books I recommend, there's a link below to Jonathan recommends books as well as my book, selflovethebook.com. So there's a lot of great material out there. And this is why I wanna encourage and shift the conversation away from the dating conversation and more into the personal development conversation. This is why today I wanna also remind everybody of a great book called The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. This will teach you how to quiet the voices in your head. So you can actually start shifting into a space of receiving. And it's not about masculine or feminine energy, it's about learning just simply to be a good giver and a good receiver. Now here's the challenge with a lot of women. Oftentimes you can be a giver, giver, giver and you're with a man here that isn't capable of receiving. And it can be very frustrating or you're a giver, giver, giver and this is a man here isn't a giver. And by the way, this is vice versa too. As a man out there in the dating realm I can share this from my perspective. I can be a giver in the dating process and a lot of women either can't receive or they don't commensurate and give at the same level. This is why when you watch my videos I continually talk about giving in a two lane street. In other words, I want you to imagine you're each both givers and receivers in the dynamic of a relationship because the reality is is men aren't turned off by masculine energy because being a giver is a good thing. What men are turned off by and women are turned off by the exact same things is criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling. Let me repeat that. Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, needy behavior, giving more than the other person gives. These are all the areas that can be a turn off to a relatively emotionally healthy person. Now let me just say this. Emotionally unhealthy people are most of the time takers. I'm gonna repeat that. Emotionally unhealthy people most of the time are takers. Now the sad thing is is most humans aren't all necessarily emotionally unhealthy. And yet the vast majority of humans are emotionally stunted with very poor communication skills when it comes to dating, mating, relating. This is why I continually recommend the book Reading the Book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. I highly recommend reading this book so you can learn how to be a better communicator in relationship. Now today I wanna introduce you to another book that I haven't talked about in a very long time because it's time to stop listening to all this dating rhetoric because it is so effing confusing out there and your head is spinning. I want you to read a personal development book to change your life. And this is a book I read 15 years ago and I loved it. And it's Larry Wingett's book, Shut Up, Stop Wining and Get a Life. Check out that title, Shut Up, Stop Wining, Get a Life. This is where the big problem is with so many people is that they're complaining, complaining, complaining about men or complaining about women instead of looking inward to how can I make my life so awesome that I become a magnetic attractor to who I am and what I want. And that's my invitation for everybody today. Is this just a shut up, stop whining and get a life and stop listening to all of this noise out there and start doing something for yourself. And this is what I wanna suggest before I wrap up this part of the video. And that is understand and learn human behavior by learning and understanding your own human behavior. I'm gonna repeat that. Learn and understand human behavior by learning and understanding your own human behavior. And let me tell you, most humans are riddled with negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life that stem from childhood wounds and traumas. This is why I want everybody to check out something called the Hoffman process. The Hoffman process. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas that create negative patterns and limiting beliefs in our life because it's not about the five secrets of how men do this or the three text messages to do this. That's all a lot of noise. When you actually become centered to who you are and what you want, you become more of a magnetic attractor to who you are and what you want. And that's my invitation with this conversation because masculine energy isn't turning guys off. What turns people off is that they're either with takers or people that can't receive. Let me repeat that they're either with takers or people that can't receive. And I want to incorporate or at least invite everybody to be both a giver and receiver in their life. And you don't have to worry about am I this much masculine energy, am I this much feminine energy? Like where should I be today? Is he over here? Are you up there? Where's the energy supposed to be? I don't know what energy I'm supposed to do today. Do you get the point? It's a fucking cluster fuck out there. And how you shift it is learning to just be an awesome human being. And it's not getting caught up on where's this relationship going? I want you to get caught up on where's your relationship with yourself going? And I want you to come back to what I talk about in my book, loving yourself. What the heck is self love anyway? All right, today's video has been quite a bit of a rambling. I didn't have a real succinct outline for you today. I just wanted to share my thoughts and opinions on this. This would be a great place to start to take questions. We're gonna do a short Q and A. If you're listening to the live stream right now in the video, post a question in the chat box by writing the word question and posting the question there after or you could purchase a super sticker or super chat. There's a little dollar sign at the bottom of the chat box. If you purchase the super sticker or super chat, all the funds go to a scholarship fund or all the monies go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's him right there and that's him over there. That's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his name, I've created a foundation to defray the cost of personal development for those that seek it and to donate to causes like the Hoffman process and insight and such. So we're about to take questions right now. Let's see what we've got on the board. And by the way, if you're listening to the audio portion of this, you won't be able to see the questions or be able to ask a question. So, sunshiney one says, question, where do we find givers? Because I am a big giver too. I accept nothing less. You know, here's the challenge with this. Most, believe it or not, I'm gonna say a lot of women, don't take offense to this sunshine. A lot of women give to get and a lot of men give to get. A lot of people give because they wanna get something. Genuine love is simply about giving and it's not about receiving, okay? Now here's the really tricky part. Men do struggle with giving and receiving. So I wanna share a story that happened to me. I've shared this a number of times but this might illustrate something that might help you with that question. And I shared the story of I went on a date some years ago and on our first date we went to a total dive bar. I mean, she was up for it. And I went to go buy the first round of drinks and or buy a round of drinks. And when I went to go get the second round of drinks for us, she stepped in and put out her credit card and said, I have it. And I said, no, no, I got it. And she goes, no, I have it. She goes, and I go, I've got it. And she goes, I've got it. And we went back and forth. Now, all dating coaches would say, she's in her masculine energy and she would emasculate you by doing that. That's not what happened. What she did next blew me away. And this might help you with this question. She put her hand on my arm, looked me in the eye and said, Jonathan, I really appreciated that you treated the last round. Would you allow me to show my appreciation and treat you the next round? Can you receive? Can you receive? And in that moment, I was floored. And in that moment, as I paused for a second and I said, yes, I can receive, I later thought to myself, wow, this person is a genuine giver and she's partnership material. What she did to shift my thinking was she asked me, can you receive? Will you allow me to show my appreciation and can you receive? And in that moment, that changed my perspective forever on the dynamic of the whole paying for dates. Because quite frankly, when two people are equally investing in the relationship, that's genuine partnership skills. Now, this is just one simple example, but I invite you to use that languaging. I wanna do something for you, can you receive? I think one of the weaknesses for men and women alike is the inability to receive. And a lot of times, women give, give, give, give, give, but men give too, but they're not capable of receiving, which is not masculine or feminine. I know we can get into the doing and receiving and stuff, but it's really more of an issue is people don't know how to receive. And I'm not an expert in this area. So let me just say this, I think the best way to become an expert is to become more in love with yourself, to become a receiver in relationship and not over give because women, a lot of you have a tendency to over give which we, a lot of coaches call masculine energy and it's just really unhealthy imbalance in your life. Now, listen, we as parents, let me get to you, give an example. As parents, we oftentimes give, give, give to our children. In fact, our children don't have to do anything other than just coo and smile and occasionally they're nice enough to say thank you, but we're so used to giving and one of the challenges in relationship is being with partners that know how to receive. This is why one of the things I did in my previous relationship is we used to do Tantric workshops where we actually had to work on receiving each other's energy and we did this through what's called a puja for about an hour and a half and we had to practice giving and receiving, receiving and giving, giving and receiving. So these are just some of the techniques that I've learned over the years and to come back to your question, where are they? Most men are capable of it, they just need a little nudge and my invitation for you is to nudge them along the way. All right, great question, so thank you so much. All right, Scoop writes, question, do you need to work on self-love when someone has not been true to their feelings? It hurts and I can't wrap my mind around people who do this. Well, first off, I encourage everybody to do self-love. So number one, Scoop, everybody should do self-love. Self-love means self-worth, self-reliance, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-discipline. Those are all the self-words into self-love, okay? Now, going back to your original question, hold on a second, Scoop. When someone has not been true to their feelings, well, first off, when someone has not been true to their feelings, how do you know they're not true to their feelings, okay? And by the way, feelings are very fluid. I mean, by the way, I'm gonna share something in a moment, but not bad. I'm gonna go ahead, I'm feeling very melancholy right now and it's difficult to even get up and shoot this video for you. And if I was true to my feelings, I'd sit on the couch and just relax, but I also felt like I made a commitment to everyone by being here on a regular basis. So we're always in conflict with our feelings and our responsibilities. I'm gonna repeat that. We can oftentimes be in conflict with our feelings and responsibilities. So going back to your original question, I can't wrap my mind around this. Let me just tell you something. Two truths can be held at the same time. Let me use this as an example. And I've had this happen and women tell me this. There are things about a woman that I've dated and I've liked and there's things I haven't liked. There's things I like and something I haven't liked. Now, does that mean I dislike the person? No, it's just two truths can be held at the same time. We can like some things about a person and dislike things about a person. Does that mean, and this is where it gets confusing when it's so imbalanced in our head, whereas it might be like 90% of a person and then there's 10% we go, okay, we have to learn to accommodate that because genuine love is not necessarily, there's no such thing as this perfect relationship out there. Relationships come with a level of compromise. So I rambled on that one. I hope I answered your question, Scoop, but coming back to it, do I need to work on self-love? Always, that's my invitation for you. All right, I wanna thank Karen for that $20 super sticker, big hugs to you, sweetheart. Thank you so much. Alicia, or I pronounced your name wrong, excuse me. Question, is karma playing a role in relationships? Do you believe this the case? You know what? I do believe in a level of karma plays in our life. In other words, because I think karma is really just another lesson. Karmic experiences, especially those really intense, volatile, karmic relationships are there to teach us to, coming back to my book, what the heck is self-love anyway? I do believe that we have these relationships that are meant to be intense and volatile so we can come back to our own self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-reliance, self-discipline. That's my belief with respects to karma. So thank you so much for that question. Colleen says, I think men feel good when we allow them to treat. I love receiving and I love giving. So here's the thing. Colleen, I'm gonna tell you something. One of men's greatest frustrations with women is a lack of appreciation by women. And another great frustration with men, this is, and I've spoken to a lot of men out there. They feel like they give, they give, they give, but they don't, they're with people that have expectations of being with. See, a lot of, there's an imbalance going on. Men want to give and at the same time, they want to receive. They want to receive your love. Let me reframe that. They want to, I misspoke. They also want to be with givers as well. It's not a man's responsibility to give 100% and a woman just sits back in her feminine energy and he's just gonna claim her for it. So a really healthy relationship, this is why I'm a big proponent, of taking turns in the dating process, of planning dates and paying for dates, taking turns. Now I know a lot of dating rhetoric will tell you the opposite. Listen, go ahead, listen, you can do whatever you want. You can listen to the book, The Rules. You can listen to the book, The Rules. I encourage everybody to read the book if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated, because this takes out the gender rhetoric, this takes out the gender rhetoric and makes it more about connecting at a heart-centered level and not a man-woman expectation level. That's just my quick thoughts on that, Colleen. So I appreciate what you said. And you said, I think men feel good when we allow them to treat. Listen, I wanna address this one more time. It's not about allowing them to treat. It's really about being on the same page with one another. That's what I wanna encourage everybody to start doing. Asking better questions in the early stages and instead of making assumptions, like in this case, that's an assumption and not a stated fact for every single man out there. That's all. All right, thanks so much. Scoop says, hey, I thank you for the $3 and maybe I need some coaching. Check out the link to a free discovery call if you think coaching is right for you. All right, Marianne, question. What are your thoughts on the law of attraction? Do you believe the power of positive thinking draws in the right person for you because of your vibration? I, apps, a fucking, lootily do. In fact, big part of my private coaching program is doing a law of attraction exercise to attract in your perfect mate. So yes, I'm a big believer of it and that's a great question. So thank you so much. Sabrina says, why do men always have to pay for everything? See, this is an expect, this is a great question and this is an expectation that a lot of men actually resent, especially men who have gone through divorce and went through a nasty divorce. A lot of men in midlife resent the expectation that it's on them. I can say that, I felt, I have been on dates with women who have treated that expectation without any offering of reciprocation and it was a huge turnoff for me. A lot of men get turned off when it's coming from a place of expectation instead of coming from a place of gratitude, appreciating their efforts. And by the way, saying thank you after a date isn't enough. So I come back to what that woman said, Jonathan, I wanna show my appreciation by treating you. Actions matter as much as words. Remember, actions and words? Well, the action of appreciation could be actually doing the same thing to demonstrate that you're actually a true partner in the dating process. All right, thanks so much. And Sabrina says, I love paying for dinner. There you go. Colleen says, I was brought up to show appreciation. I love treating two of the man likes. There you go. Kathy says, Ryan Patrick put out that he's retiring from dating coaching. Actually, no, he's not, well, he's retiring from a lot of the rhetoric that he's talked about and he's shifting to more of a personal development way to coach, which I really appreciate. And I think he's a good guy, Ryan Prakter, the data boy. Sabrina says, thank you, I appreciate that. Yes, I love your easy style of healthy relationships. Thank you so much. All right. Colleen says, I love what you said, Jonathan, about speaking truth and doing it from kindness right off the bat. Yes, chapter one of my book. Speak your truth, do it with kindness. Chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Thank you, Colleen. Okay, Jane says, listen to the guy. If he's moaning about paying at the start of a relationship, he'll be moaning about much you spend in electricity, gas and further down the road. So I would agree. If somebody complains about something, whether it's a man or woman, like women complain about a lot of things too, whatever someone is complaining about in the dating process, then it's gonna be a turn off later on down the road. Whereas I would prefer people having real conversation about things. So an example is a man could simply say something like, look, I think of dating as a two-way street, so I'm happy to treat on dates. And I like women who also plan and treat dates as well. Now, a lot of women could see that as a complaint from a guy, but that's actually an open-hearted way of saying, look, I'm looking for a woman who's going to invest equally in the dating process, and you could take it or leave it. By the way, folks, I'm not suggesting this is for everybody. You have to decide what's right for you. I'm just offering up an alternate way of maybe looking at things that's coming more from a heart-centered space instead of an expectation based way of looking at things. That's what I'm leaning into anyway. All right, thank you so much for your post. I really appreciate that. Okay, wait, what'd that say? Can a man or woman love two persons at the same time? What I mean is love and not the only thing, not only the right relationship. Well, I have two children. I love them. I have two parents. I love them. I have two siblings. I love them. So collectively, and then I have many best friends, I love them. We can all love multiple people in our lives. Now, can we be in love with multiple people? That's a different question. I think many people can be. That doesn't necessarily mean, okay, love doesn't equal a relationship. Love is just simply love. Now, each person has to decide if they wanna be in relationship with someone who might have many lovers. By the way, I'm not here to judge that. Polyamory is a big thing out there. I'm just here to say, yes, we can love multiple people at the same time, but can we be in love with multiple people? Look, it's exhausting just being in relationship with one person. Imagine trying to do it with two people. Anyway, that's just my quick thoughts on that. Thank you so much. And Jane says, I totally agree. Thank you. All right, let's go swimming. Ah, let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. I wanna scroll up. I wanna thank all the super stickers, super chats. You know what? I'm just gonna share some personal things, right? And by the way, I'm gonna, from this point on, if you have a personal question of me, post it there, write the word question, post a question, purchase a super sticker, super chat. I have a reveal I have to share with you all. I am absolutely burnt out with the dating process. It's exhausting. Listen, I get it. And I do, I get a lot of your frustration because I'm experiencing it myself. I'm experiencing it from a variety of different ways. A lot of flaky people out there, a lot of crappy dating profiles, a lot of people that are no-shows and go-sers or communicate in, and by the way, given that women get 10, 100-fold more emails than men, sometimes I'm not standing out in the crowd and I don't even have the patience to try anymore. I'm at, rather, burnt out myself. I get it. And I think part of it is I'm burnt out on the frustration here in the United States of the divided country we live in and the negativity and all of the angst that's going on right now. It's making it even harder to just get up and saying, I wanna meet someone for a cup of coffee. And now that's probably a great sign to take a break from it all. And yet, I still wanna put myself out there to be seen by my eligible partner. So this is the rub out there, being able to be seen by the eligible person that you wanna be in relationship and making the effort to make that happen. At the same time, it's just an overwhelming clusterfuck of swiping, swiping, swiping, swiping, swiping or email, email, email, it's not going anywhere. And everybody thinks this should be easy, but the reality is it's getting progressively harder. And as I said a moment ago, I am just burnt out on all the crap that's happening. And sometimes I even get burnt out on getting up here to do this for you guys. Every time I feel this way, time to recharge my batteries, to come back to what's most important in life is self love. A self love can include self care like massages and vacations and that sort of thing. But ultimately what I'm talking about is emotional self love. And I know that many of you are feeling this frustration. You don't even feel like going on a date. I get it. And you don't have to do anything you don't want. This is why I just wanna encourage everybody to do more personal development work and maybe take a break from all the dating rhetoric and start focusing on loving on yourself because ultimately the most important relationship you're ever gonna have is the relationship you have with yourself. Does that make sense? All right, thanks for allowing me to rant there. I appreciate it. All right. Michelle says, well said Jonathan could not put it better. I'm exhausted with dating too. Wait, I get it Michelle. Kimberly said, what happened to the girl you talked about the second round? And yes, I get it Jonathan. I don't wanna be alone forever in sick of games. That woman I spoke about that had paid for the round of drinks. This was a long distance dating situation that was about six years ago. And quite frankly, we were just mismatched in a couple of areas of her life. And yet I respect her and she's still one of the coolest women out there I've ever met. It's just we were misaligned with each other and that's okay too. Thanks for asking Kimberly. Nancy says, I'm just focusing on me, mindful of my peace, enjoying my moments and doing me but hopefully there just might be someone one day if I'm not good at being just me. Send me a hugs Nancy. Kathy says, bless you Jonathan, thank you so much. All right, if you have a purse, oh here we go. Question, sometimes I'm getting stressed out in relationship, I begin to have it as a sign that relationship isn't working out. Do you support this belief just sharing a concern? Well, here's the challenge with most relationship these days, they lack a genuine commitment to one another. One of the things about getting married is it kind of forces you to have to work things out. And when you're in the casual stages of dating or in a casual relationship, there's no real commitment to working things out. So it's a real dilemma out there. In fact, most of the challenge today or some of the challenges today is that most folks are in casual relationships without any real commitment to their relationship. So I'm a big believer of two people consciously working things out together, co-creating a relationship. This is why I invite everybody to, before the penis goes inside the vagina, is to purchase two copies of the book, eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman. And if you're actively dating one another to read the book together, so you can start seeing if you're really a good match with one another, because that's gonna save a lot of angst later on down the road, but at least that's my invitation for everybody. All right, thanks so much. All right, if you have a personal question for me, post it. Terry says, please recharge your batteries. So appreciate your input and knowledge. Thank you so much. Hey, Doug is in the house saying hi to Doug. Thanks for being here. All right, let's see, what else do we have? Let's go swimming. All right, we're gonna take one last question before we wrap up today. If you have a question for me, please let me know. Post it, write the word question. If you have a personal question for me, or if you have one final question, post the word question and write it thereafter. Ladies, do something different is what Nancy says. Mary Ann says, absolutely. Most of us love ourselves, but if that wasn't enough, we wouldn't be here listening to you. Oh, thank you so much. Kimberly says, most men in my life are takers. I'm just going to keep giving without reciprocation. I start out being able to receive, but toxic people don't give, and I'm just going. So here's the thing, Kimberly, you're focused on the negative. How about reframe that entire sentence focused on what you desire and not what your experience was? That's my invitation for you. Question, Jonathan, can men stay silent about their feelings for a long, for a long in order not to ruin the friendship and stay friends with women? If men have relationship problems, they are aware of. I'm a little confused by this question. Can stay, yeah, men can stay silent with their feelings to protect a friendship. I'm assuming if you're talking about romantic feelings for you, yeah, a lot of men will be silent about not expressing their romantic feelings if they want to maintain their friendship. So that is definitely possible, I agree. Kelly says, don't focus on what you don't want. Give your energy to what you do want. Yes, this is why, I want to come back to this book I talked about. Shut up, stop whining and get a light. This is all about focusing on what you want and let go of the past. So many of you are so stuck on the past, you're sucking on the nipple practically of victim consciousness. And I'm here to say most women as well as men operate from the premise, I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to like me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to want me so I can feel good about myself. Turn that around and saying, I'm gonna be a giver. I'm gonna put that energy out there no matter what happens. And those folks have a better chance of success. I'm never suggesting give more. I'm always suggesting give equally to the amount someone else gives, but don't give more if someone's not giving. Then that's on you, it's not on them. And then you complain about them when you are the one who over gave. Ladies, stop it. Chapter two in my book. Here, wait, chapter two in my book. What's that say? Stop fucking complaining. Start taking charge of your life. It's not the man's fault that you over gave. It's not the man's fault. That's on you, it's not on them. Now I know it's a little tricky in the beginning, but at some point, if you're giving more then stop turning in the martyr. Well, I gave so much in the relationship and he was an asshole and he didn't give. Stop that. I'm sorry, I'm angry, but I'm really tired of the rhetoric that it's all the man's fault that you gave more and then you say it's his fault, it's not, it's on you. Okay. And if you're a giver and can't help it like Judy, then you have to accept that giving isn't about then about receiving. Now I'm not saying it is your fault. I'm just saying take ownership on your part that you gave more than they did and don't blame them for not being the giver that you are. Okay. All right. Oh, where did I see that? Well, listen, Sabrina, I don't want you to blame yourself. Okay. It's not about then take, then simply say I'm going to shift what I'm going to do in the future. I'm going to shift what I'm going to do in the future. That's my invitation for you. Okay. All right, one more and then we're going to wrap up for today. I've been on a total rant today. This isn't one of my well-organized ones. I think part of it is I'm just exhausted and burnt out by it all and I'm just expressing that. I have been feeling a little melancholy. I mean, some people say it's probably, I'm still in grief over the loss of my child. I don't know. That feels like it's under the surface of what's going on. It's just really intense energy out there right now. I know it for myself and I'm sure you're experiencing it as well. So everybody today, I want you to, before you wrap up watching this video, I want you to go do one kind thing for yourself tonight. Whether it's a bubble bath, whether it's a shower, go for a jacuzzi, go for a walk, go do something kind for yourself. I'm going to do the same for myself. I'm just going to chill and relax because we're all pent up, tense and everything. And it's time to take a chill pill and relax so we can go out there and hopefully find those amazing partners. I don't mean that in a plural sense. Find an amazing partner in your life that can really enrich your life because you're both givers and receivers at the same time. It's not about masculine feminine energy. It's about both being givers and receivers at the same time. All right, that's my chat for today. Hope that made sense. Someone says it's an intense full moon. Maybe that's it. Michelle says most definitely. Someone says, Colleen says I love bubble baths. Way to go. Alicia says I love you my brother. Thank you so much. I love my froze says, yes, Jonathan. I feel it too. There's a lack of love in the world. Oh my God, there is such a distressing feels like. I'm not saying it is. It just feels like a distressing lack of love out there. And this is why we have to work on loving ourselves as much as we can because we can't depend on others to love us. We have to focus on loving on ourselves. And that's my invitation for everyone. All right, I'm gonna wrap up tonight by saying thank you to Sabrina, Patricia, Kathy, Judy, Alicia. I love Fro, Colleen, Jane, Jennifer, Michelle. Thank you all for being on today. I hope I provided value. If I did, please let me know by purchasing a super sticker super chat before you wrap up tonight and go make it a great evening for yourself. Go do something kind for yourself. That's my invitation for you all. All right, thank you so much. And I'm gonna wrap up as I, oh, by the way, check out the links to a free discovery call with me. Check out my private or my group coaching program and check out all the books in my podcast and such. I'm gonna wrap up today as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Barrow of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone. A pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use a lot more love than our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Oh, I didn't know how to read someone's name. Thank you so much. Thank you all. Thank you. Thank you. Hugs and kisses. Thank you all. Bye now.