 Didn't you already make a crap guide to barbarian? Well, yes, but actually no. That one's garbage. It's shit. It's poopy-doopy and in need of some update and polish like a live service game two minutes after release. I've gained a whopping one additional point in my intelligence since then and I'm now superior in every way. Smarter, stronger, more wiggly than ever before, and this is the only one I'm doing so don't hold your breath for the others. They're perfect forever. So let's start from the top. D&D is for dorks, what with all the complex words and math. It's packed to the brim with a bunch of mechanics and systems and nobody has the time to read because they're too busy not playing D&D. But no worries you third string athlete who occasionally looks at their old high school pictures and then reflects in the mirror wondering what happened. Lucky for you, I have a class that'll need as much brain powers varsity had to use on their midterms. And all you gotta do is learn how to throw a tiny plastic icosahedron just like how you threw every single game coach put you into. Welcome to a crap guide to D&D. D&D is the best because you can literally hit anything you want. Including the other players and what better class to hit everything than the barbarian who's the best at hitting things than never stopping hitting things. Having a d12 hit die means you have around the Googleplex of hit points by level 2 and unarmored defense means the chunkier you are, the better you can block and avoid attacks because the enemy is too distracted at how your fat hairy tits are flailing about. Better yet, you have spider sense which allows you to avoid traps, spells, social events and laundry like you've just moved out of your parents' house and are trying to get your life together. But enough about defense, the real reason to play barbarian is to hit it very hard going into a bloodthirsty RAGE. You can channel your anger into the might of a thousand dads who just felt the thermostat get adjusted and during your rage you become the world's greatest goblin juicer. You gain bonus damage, advantage on strength checks and any and all physical attacks will bounce off of your day one patched pecs. As you gain levels you get progressively angrier and angrier, getting a straight up flat increase to your movement speed and extra heavy swing when you land a crit and become too angry to die potentially forever as long as you keep hitting things. As far as flavors of RAGE goes, there's the berserker. If you want to swing your weapon like it takes to a ceiling fan, mistaken stupidity for bravery and have an unlimited supply of uno reverse cards. Alternatively, the totem warrior is like a gateway furry where you channel your favorite Robin Hood crush and pretend everybody is Prince John. Battle ranger to become a really pissed porcupine, storm herald if you want to make the environment around you as pissed as you are, zealot if you want to be a diet paladin with a smite and aura that's made with zero sugar, and ancestral guardian if you're a scared little bitch. Offense is the only offense and I will have none of these tactics in my combat encounters. What? You thought I biggered my brain so I could think harder and waste time when all that planning fails because of a bad role and then I have to sit around being useless for the rest of the session? What do you take me for? Some kind of wizard? Well, do you? Huh? Fuck you! I'll beat the shit out of you! You think you're better than me just cause you can count? I hope you like being pavement lotion cause you're going to be filling all the cracks in my driveway! HURR! And now you know how to play Barbarian, you're welcome.