 took a shit in a bird's nest and now the mother won't feed it to young anymore. We live, man? Yeah, we're gone. Episode number 21 of the Muddy Michael for the actual podcast in Michael's shell of a basement. Now we got to get out of here, man. We got a, we got a leaf. We got three, four weeks and where that we'll have a whole new place to, we don't know where we're on a hunt for a house and we don't know where we're going. It's more than likely that we might be in James's penthouse. Is it a penthouse? Yeah, James's penthouse. It's actually a garage, but I can see that happening. But we're really going to try and rent a nice place and just fucking set everything up there and the brown will be the caretaker. He will oversee it and be running security there. Having there. Having all these haves there and we will then, we will then go there to do our dirty work. So like it could work out well if we, it's the reality TV show that we want. We could have cameras like Big Brother. Brown. It'll help for Bachelor Brown. It'll definitely help for Bachelor Brown. Brown's for sure. Oh, I'm not moving in now. Because you won't live in that, that tiny little shithole that's fucking so many methods around you all the time. You'll be in a big, beautiful mansion. And you'll be able to, you'll be able to have as many women as you want. Would you allow 24 hour surveillance in that house? No. Would you allow 24 hours in yours? I'm pretty sure there already is. Like our phones and our phones. What's the news? Michael's been saying he's got some news to tell us. OK, we figured out it's probably fucking golf related. So don't get too excited. And no one get excited. That's up. He built us up. So I got excited. So I bought a six pack and I was just, I was just, I had to. OK, and here we are. James and Mono, our friends are here. I got a hole in one. Did you? Did you film it? No, I didn't film it. But I had a witness and my beautiful girlfriend, Amber, was there. She plays golf, by the way. If you, oh, my God, it's so good playing golf with your partner. Oh, anyway, there I was. I thought, OK, I'm going to get a hole in one because I was pissed off. I got even for the 18 holes. I got even, even part for the 18 holes. Take that, dad. You played golf anyway. You leave your dad out of this. I got there I was. I was like, I got I'm going to get a hole in one. Bang goes up. I watch it just dropped in the hole. And then I look at Amber and she's like, oh, my God. And then she's comes up and I'm looking around and then this old man goes, I didn't see it, but I believe you. Oh, damn it. He didn't see it. Yeah, but like, Amber's still a witness. Amber's a witness. And did you know without needing to go that close to the hole? Yeah. OK, so here's the. So I must be close to begin with. Here's why it's five out of ten. OK, it's a pitch and putt, but it was a 60 meter hole, which is still pretty rad. It's like half. It's like half good. That's why it's half good. It's only is that the regular pitch and putt we go to. No, no, no, that's not a pitch and putt that we go to. That's a part three course. OK, so it's even smaller than that. It's about 60 meters. So we're used to 100 meters. Here's a part three is 60 meters. Anyway, so it's a long part. He's made a long part. No, I've had a fucking chip that's gone in the hole in one hit. And I got even for 18 holes on pitch and putt. Still, that is rad. Right, James? You know, that's cool. It's a five. So like, yeah, Carinda. Number 13 and sorry. There you go, everyone. Let us know if you've got any hole in one. So put a comment underneath it. I'm so that's why I bought beers. I was like, I'm celebrating this. Does that mean you've got a hole in one? Like, that's my tick. Like the world is going to end and I did it. Like, fuck, yes. Speaking of world ending, man, I've just come out of the one of the hardest weeks. We're meant to get back to work this week and then come Tuesday. I knew something was wrong. And then thank God now, I'm actually happy. Mon and Esther went away, a little mother daughter holiday. So I had the house to myself Tuesday night and Wednesday night. And I fucking needed it because, man, I got hit by some weird stomach bug and like by Tuesday night, I was just totally fucking shitting every 30 minutes. Just every time I had a sip of water, it would just go straight through me. And then I woke up one of the nights. I forget which one. It's all just a delirious, fucking painful, agonizing 72 hours. I woke up drenched in sweat at like 4 a.m. It's so cold in Brisbane at the moment. Pull a blanket off me, freezing. And I look down and there is shit everywhere. I've just shit must. I've never had such bad diarrhea that I couldn't control it. That I couldn't. Even if I clenched my cheeks as hard as I could, it would still leak out. It's weird. I've never. Yeah. I've waited that cellies seal to seeping out strange. That's different. Dude, I've never had that before. I had to go to the hospital to get some fluids and some fucking painkillers. It's like maybe they should create a vaccine for something like that. I literally have like a fucking one beer just just like half an hour ago. And the stomach is still not right. So today was the first day I was like, like 90 percent. But that one beer has brought me back down on maybe like 60 percent now. So it's still an ongoing issue, Brown. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's prolonged. Where's your alien tattoo? So we had another fucking week off. So next week we start back. Anyway, that's been my week. And I ended up in hospital too. Matt Brown and I'm fucking hospital. Fuck me. We've had an unhealthy fucking week. Haven't we all three? I'm getting home once. It's pretty unhealthy, man. I'm fucking I bought a picture to show everyone what put me in hospital. Go on. So I ended up with another kidney stone. So let's save them all. And you should make like one of those what are like grains of sand thing. Dude, let's smoke the kidney stone. Let's pipe it. All right, let's. I'm down to smoke a little kidney stone. Wilder crush. But if you want to hold that up to the cameras, that's the stone after I pissed it out. You probably can't see it. You can probably just see all of the urine. So take it up with the camera. I'm not fucking getting off my seat. Anyway, there it is, everyone. It's and he's brought it along today. It's it's about the size of a flea. He tripped a bit. He tripped a little bit. Yeah, now back on his ergonomics chair. Have a kneel down. There it goes. That's better. So we're filming on a Saturday today, everyone. So it's a bit silly than usual. By the way, we'll just get this out of the way. But before we get into it, we're running a comment competition, everyone. So at the end of the season, we are picking one comment from our entire season of comments. One comment at random to win $1,000. So the more times you comment, the more entries you have into that competition. This is direct to financial advice from us to you. Comment as many times as you can to improve your chances of winning $1,000. If you comment like a million times, you've got like a 99% chance of winning. And I'm not a maths, but that's pretty good. My area of expertise is science. So I'm not a maths, but that's pretty good. One million comments, you're guaranteed to win nearly. Holy shit, yeah, it is more than likely you will win. So what do you want in life? What do you want out of life? You want $1,000? You've got to work for it. Nothing comes for free. Sit down and make some comments. Let's move on. OK, no, that's fair. Where's the where's the kidney stone? Let's smoke it. No, it's going to take ages to try and crush it. No, we're not going to crush it. We're just going to burn it. Burn the whole thing down. Oh, you want to keep it? Matt's got to look in his face. I think I might keep it. Yeah, it's a son to him. It's like a son. And I just realized, right? I've just realized this in the black book, whenever Matt is mincing, it's really just a huge infestation of gout and kidney stones mixed together, creating a bubble hard brown mince. No, no, no, I'm going to go further than that. Now in this day and age, apparently men can get pregnant and have kids. So what you've had is a child. That is that little rock fucking minute. If you plant that, a molecule will grow. That is a kid. It's not a kidney stone. It's a kidney seed. If you plant it, a kidney will grow. Matt has had a kid. You are a dad. No, Matt, you're a dad. Oh, what do I? Matt, Greg, dad. Do you want to name it, since you guys have discovered this? I think everyone in the comments should name it. What should we name Matt Brown's kidney son? Kidney son. No, we should call it Greg. Greg's pretty good. Greg will be hard to beat. We want that kid to have the worst life possible. Whichever name has the most likes in the comments, that will become the name of Matt Brown's fucking kidney stone client. All right, we've got a pretty big episode of the Black Book. He's back. Of course, we've got Michael's fucking diary. I mean, Bible, we've got Bachelor Brown. We've got the prank call at the end. And what are we doing again? We're calling a fucking, calling a taxi. Darren's calling a taxi because he's lost his fucking gear in one. And he wants it back. And he has to be real careful how he describes it. Do you know what I mean? What's gear? Gear is drugs. Gear is drugs come on this day. Sorry. Is that all the shit talk that we had to talk about? What else has happened? Like, what are we doing our week off? Well, that's nothing really. We just tried not to die. You were sinking the holes in ones. And Matt was giving birth. Everyone thinks that when you piss it out, it hurts. But it's actually when it's traveling. The sorry. The fear. So the feeling like pissing out was like just came out. Yeah, it's because you've got really wide. So you were pissing in bottles, saving your piss. No, I was pissing in a cup each time to see if it came out because you wanted that. Yeah. So, yeah. And I piss in bottles all the time. And James has a question. You have a question? How's the cum bottle? Oh, yeah. How is the cum bottle, Brown? I don't know what you guys are talking about. He's not going to tell us. Not real happy that it's been brought up. Only James would I would allow to ask the question. Oh, how is it going? Are you a male or a female? You've got a kid now or kidneys, don't you? I don't know. What is that? No, because men can have kids. You just said that. So that is so true. All right, let's. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, wait. How is the cum bottle? He's not going to tell us. Let's just let forget about until the day it comes when he has it in his hands. Just on air. You will bring it on the show one day, though, when it's ready. Well, it's got to be ready. Yeah. Big jar of mints. I ain't faking it either. So imagine if you came and the kidney stone came out. I thought about it. I was like, fuck, what if I jack on it? I think it's different, different lanes of traffic. Yeah. Two different lanes. Yeah. Two different lanes. Comes from Merge into One. But the urethra is the only canal that everything comes out of. Yeah, but that leads to different things. You know, I already learned like five or six years ago that. Anyway, no, I won't say that. I'm going to go piss. All right. While Michael pisses, welcome to the future, everyone. If you don't have this, there's something fucking wrong with you. You fucking dumb fuckwits. You stupid dick. Sit down and listen to me right now. Fuckwit, OK, because Nord VPN is here. Nord VPN is the VPN of the future. You fucking stupid pigs, you dumb fuck. You're sitting there. No security for your home computers and your devices, dickhead. You only get to watch Australian Netflix. Are you stupid? Read a fucking book and download Nord VPN slash fully actual. OK, if you use our discount code, you get huge discounts. You get a free fucking gift. They're just going to give you a present. OK, and all you have to do is sign up. That's they're losing money by doing that. They're literally going bankrupt, but they want you to sign up. Nord VPN slash fully actual. OK, you can watch any streaming services from any country in the whole fucking world. Plus, no one can track you or no one knows where you are and the government come and get you if you're an illegal immigrant. So just fucking go out there and download Nord VPN fully actual. It's three dollars, thirty five a month for their two year plan. That's nothing that is not money. That's not that doesn't that's free. Anything under five dollars is free. I wouldn't even stop to pick up three dollars if I dropped it on the fucking ground. Yuck. Three thirty five. It's two. What's the point? What's the point of that? Or you can go on the one year plan for four ninety nine a month. Plus, it's a money back guarantee. So you're at no risk of doing something that doesn't work. There's no risk, Matt. There's no risk. Do you understand? You fucking can't. Anyway, Nord VPN slash fully actual. I backed that and the other sponsor manscaped.com. These kinds of back that way. The best mail grooming products that you have ever fucking seen. I don't even know what half this shit is. All right, go to their website manscaped.com. If you want twenty percent off, use our discount code fully actual twenty. Fully actual twenty, you get twenty percent off everything. They have the weirdest, coolest shit. They are mail grooming inventors. They are the inventors of mail grooming. Do you understand? So at least have a look at the website, because I don't even they invent so many new products that are so much better than any product out there that I can't fucking keep you up or keep up. It's exhausting, Matt Brown, but look how good we all look. Look at Michael right now, using the nose hair trimmer to trim his tongue hair. Yeah, you get moldy for a visit. So if you're a fucking gross fucking piece of shit who has no one in their life and you don't know how to talk to women, go to manscaped.com and that will fucking fix you up. Use our discount code now. Go, go, go. I got a hole in one. Fucking well done. And our last sponsor, of course, the University of Michael, our subscription website, where we post a weekly video that is far too graphic and awesome for social media. It's not made for the faint hearted. So don't look at it if you're a fucking get offended easily or if you're grossed out if you're like a lot of people these days. My God, just have a there's a free free trial so you can see if you like the content. And if it makes you laugh enough, then you can stick around and pay the seven ninety nine US a month or whatever the fuck it is. OK, but don't even try out. Fuck off. Yeah, don't even sign up. All right, just ask someone who has and see if they like the content. Matt hasn't signed up yet. So you shouldn't either. Don't sign up. He's easily amazing content. Well, it's pregnant. The video out right now is how to get the video out right now is who's the better hunter and Michael and I shoot each other with dart. Oh, it's Nerf guns with dart things. It's it's it's crazy, man, exchanging blood. It's crazy. Who won? Oh, shit. Cut that corner. Cut him saying who won. OK, OK, now I won't sign up. We can't tell him who won anyway. Those are the fucking sponsors. Let's move on with the good shit. Oh, yeah, if you don't want to do any of that shit, that's fine. But at least like, subscribe and just give us a comment or a five star review on Spotify. That helps Spotify. Yeah, the Spotify is nice. Isn't seeing that go up. Yeah, the ego. Spotify listener. Fucking good on you. You guys have given some five star reviews and thank you for that. Yeah, how many we got up? Eight hundred or something. That's crazy. That's more people than I've ever seen. Sometimes I look at I looked at our Tik Tok podcast lately. If you want to go on Tik Tok, we have a fully actual podcast. James, is that your name? OK, he has been editing some little prank calls up. They've been going, oh, my God, damn, dad. It's gone up to over six million. Sixty K followers in like a space of a couple of weeks. The same thing. So very good. Tik Tok is flying. So again, fucking whatever. Anyway, that's enough begging for things. Sorry, don't do anything on this day. Sorry, I got a hole in one, by the way. Yeah, fucking cool. On this day in 1966, a massive tornado tore through the largest daycare center in Washington. Toddlers and babies were seen getting hurled around and slammed into big thick trees, exploding on impact. Some were slung up high into the air and were shredded by two pieces by opportunistic eagles looking for an easy meal. Babies screeching in fear could be heard for kilometers and kilometers. It still remains the most devastating tornado incident in history, as over 20,000 babies got fully fucked up. It is in no way funny. Babies are future adults and they need to be respected, mate. Well, I think that says something about America because that wouldn't have happened if it was in Australia because we don't have eagles. And also, like, that's a big daycare center, 20,000. It's like Sun Corp stating over the population, half. Imagine that all babies in a tornado, 20,000 of them just getting slammed in a shit picture. Everyone picture how sad that is bald eagles coming along and grabbing them picture babies flying around the air, getting picked off by eagles and slammed into trees, bald eagles, all of them. Devastating. I got a hole in one. Absolutely devastating. All right, it's time for Michael's Bible, everyone. And this is where Michael reads an excerpt from his own personal recollection of what he believes the key to life and happiness. Michael prefers to be referred to as Beezus instead of Jesus. And here we go. Yang, it's always butter and stuff. Have that. All right, this one I was hammered and I didn't put it in a chapter. I just it is like at the back of the references as you do it in like an assignment. It's like an assignment. This is exciting. If you are seeing sea, shouldn't your eyes get wet? You see perhaps crying is seeing the sea. You see only you can see sea if you can see, of course. Seeing sea isn't all it's cracked up to be. Being sea is Pacific and Indian. You see if you see, then you can see. See if you can't see, then see isn't real, really. To you, I think sorry. Did you get the Pacific and Indian? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because of the ocean. Because of the sea. Yeah, I fuck it. Yeah, anyway, very good. No, I get it. I get it. I don't know if that applies to anything in my life, but I get it. Sort of get what you're saying there. Julien's grandfather is gone. Anyway, sorry. Yeah, Julien's grandfather is gone. Anyway, may he rest in peace. Hey, all right, guys, let's let's keep moving along. OK, oh, man, this is hard. I really don't want to have to do this. I don't do it. OK, so the next segment is Matt's Black Book, where Matt has detailed, very graphically, every single sexual encounter that he's had up to now. So it's it's it's intense, as as most of you know, I'll read it. You know, I've taken upon my it's my job. Matt won't read it himself because, you know, it's very personal to him. Should we? Oh, hello, everyone. I'm just a quick bong break before we get into this. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. Maybe you have some more tolerance is going up and we're back. OK, so last time we left from the Black Book two weeks ago, Matt fucked a an adolescent beached whale and its mother whale was watching from out in the ocean. Matt panicked, ran out into the ocean when a crowd of people came and the mother whale ate Matt Brown. So a pretty devastating turn of events. Fucked a kid whale. Yeah, remember? He fucked it. Have you forgotten? I can't. I yeah, I literally only remember the ending and you ending up in the whale. Oh, my God, I'm excited for this. So this is Matt's just woken up inside the whale's belly. Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Have number 57. Mine. It's all mine. It's all mine. My eyes were still adjusting to the total darkness of the whale belly. I was feeling around, searching my surroundings. I grabbed something hard. It was wooden. I ran my hand along it and felt that it was quite long. Then suddenly, a voice came from the darkness. I still couldn't see. Hello? Who's there? My name is Gepetto. Gepetto file. This whale swallowed me into my boat about a week ago while I was a fishing. Nice to meet you, Gepetto file. My name is Matt Brown. And this whale revenge swallowed me after I fuck murdered its baby on the beach. Italian. Italian. Gepetto and I laughed at our situation and got to talking. Turns out that he was having family issues, too. His son had run away and he hadn't seen him since. I told him my situation with my brother, freeing me from jail on how he's the top haver of the family now and we connected. We had a lot in common. Gepetto even had his own little store where he handmade wooden toys. Sex toys. His store was called Gepetto Files Sex Toys. My eyes had fully adjusted to the dark now and I could even make out the features of Gepetto. He was an older Italian man and was sitting in his small wooden dinghy. Suddenly the whale's mouth opened and water came rushing in. We got swept towards the back of the stomach and then the mouth slammed shut again. Are you all right, Gepetto? Then a third voice chimed in from the other side of the stomach. Gepetto, are you in here? A Pinocchio. Screamed Gepetto. Gepetto and Pinocchio ran to each other and embraced. There was something strange about Pinocchio. He looked a bit thin. As they embraced, I waded through the water towards him. Once I was close enough, I could see that Pinocchio was actually a fucking wooden doll. And strangely, his nose was shaped like an... Pinocchio, you came to save me! Said Gepetto excitedly. I know we've had our issues, Dad. But I just want us to be a normal family. But only on one condition, Dad. Italian, anything for you, a Pinocchio. You have to stop using me for... What? Did I just hear that correctly? Mr. Brown, this is between me and my wooden... Pinocchio, please. You are mad for s***. I know, but somehow I'm conscious now. And that makes me feel things. And for some reason, my nose grows when I lie. Pinocchio, just to shatter your eyes. No, Dad! Stop! Gepetto reaches forwards and started fondling Pinocchio's s*** nose. He grabbed a hole of it and pulled Pinocchio closer to him. Let go, Gepetto! Well, maybe you should stop, Gepetto. This feels wrong. I grabbed Gepetto's shoulder. Gepetto slapped my hand away. He's a f***ing a s*** dog that I made, Matt Brown. He has a mind to f*** all I want. Now, let me be. He was right, but I couldn't stand by while this happened. This wasn't an ordinary s*** dog. It was living. I was going to have to fight to save this dog and fight the only way I knew how. Oh, ho, ho, ho! F*** fighting! Gepetto had already inserted Pinocchio's s*** nose straight up his s*** and was using him like a d***. Please, no! It smells like s***! I pulled my pants down and slapped my little brown. It's go time, buddy. He shot up immediately, fully erect. I ran up to Gepetto and put both hands on the back of his head. With all my might, I thrust forwards with my hips while pulling his head into me. My dick explodes into his mouth and smashes into the back of his throat. Gepetto is stunned, but manages to hang on to Pinocchio and keeps f***ing his nose. I start f***ing Gepetto's skull hard and fast. Gepetto gags with every fall with thrust and bites down hard on my throbbing brown. Ah! I scream in pain. Gepetto looks up into my eyes with my cock still in between his teeth. And I ram my thumbs into his eyes and push his eyeballs back into his skull. I felt my thumbs pierce deep into his eyeballs. Yet still, Gepetto manages to keep f***ing Pinocchio. I try and thrust forwards, but Gepetto's teeth peel away my foreskin. I was trapped. Nothing was working. And now I couldn't f*** as Gepetto had his teeth around my little brown. Then it came to me. Pinocchio's nose. Lie, Pinocchio! You need to lie! What? Just trust me! Lie! Pinocchio looked confused, but did what I said. One plus one is three! Pinocchio's nose grew a little while still inside of Gepetto and Gepetto's body flinched a little in pain. One plus one is three! One plus one is three! Pinocchio's nose started growing quickly and burrowed up through Gepetto's insides. One plus one is three! One plus one is three! The f***ing nose shot through Gepetto's heart and up through his neck and finally cracked through Gepetto's skull bone. I felt Gepetto's bite relax and removed my thumbs from his eyes. He was dead. His body went limp and Pinocchio removed his f***ing nose from him. I have to make sure he's dead, Pinocchio. Turn around. Pinocchio was clearly shaken, but did as he was told. I plugged my bloody shredded little brown into Gepetto's arse and hammered away like a meth rabbit until I drained my mince filled balls into the old Italian man. The mince ate away at him until he was completely dissolved. F***ing Italian cunt. Pinocchio turned to me. Are you safe now, Nutbrough? How can I ever repay you? You can help by getting us out of this f***ing whale. Then I lent forwards and snapped Pinocchio's meter-long f***ing nose back down to a regular length. You gotta deal, Nutbrough. Oh, no. Dude. So, Pinocchio is real. Whoa. Oh, holy s***. You are f***ing mad. You wrote Pinocchio. You wrote that. You wrote that. You should be a millionaire, you f***. Maybe he is a millionaire, but he lost it all in all the lawsuits against his sexual harassment. Oh, my God. Holy f***, that was deeper than you think. Holy dad, I see what dad did. So, Gepetto is actually a f***ing pedophile. Well, yeah. His last name, no. We don't know that. His last name was Fael. His first name was Gepetto. Gepetto Fael. Makes so much sense. Pinocchio is just a doll. Oh, yeah, yeah, it is just a doll. So, it's not illegal, that's what you're saying. But, you know, at the end of the day, the cunt did have a f***ing conscience come, so. Oh, yeah, true. That's right. Holy s***. You know what I mean? And that's why you acted like that, because you stand up against pedophiles. You protected the length of that. Robot kid for safety. And you killed Gepetto. That's unbelievable, cunt. I'll shake your hand. There's a girl who's an urged cunt. Oh, Matt Brown, f*** me, cunt. Speaking of Matt Brown, it's time. Oh. For Bachelor Brown. Oh, he's behind you! Matt Brown is behind you! Oh, my God! Stand back against the wall! He's still behind you! He's always behind you! Matt Brown is always behind you! And this is a segment where Michael and I have taken it upon ourselves to find a f***ing girl out there, to f***ing have a phone date with this cunt, because he can't do it. He sucks at getting partners and girls. And he's all alone in his lonely little dungeon, shithole. So we're going to find a mansion for him to live in and find him a wife. And that's what we've done, and we're going to call her right now. We'll give you some jewels. All right, and we'll give you some advice on the side, but we won't interfere. This one is really, really good. As per usual, we won't interfere, Matt. You f***ing always interfere. As soon as she's on the phone, you have the floor, I'll do the introduction, and then we'll back right off. Last week, you did very well. Smooth, Matt Brown. Ice through the veins last week, weren't you? Cool and calm. Confidence was back. You had a massive erection. You were quivering less. Let's keep that going. What's this girl like? You spoke to her, I didn't. Yeah, yeah. What's her name? Do you know the know? No, you didn't tell me. Okay. The boys know, and this is big. This is the one. This is who Matt Brown will marry one day. What do you mean, they know the know? I don't know. Are you saying that they know the girl? Matt James and Mono know? Well, no, no, they don't know her, but they know what I've said, I think. All right. It's like about the sea. Well, without further ado. Oh, this one sounds like a setup. Let's f***ing give it a buzz. And Matt, good luck, mate. You can do this. You are a smart, intelligent, handsome man. My anxiety's through the roof now. You've said too much, and now I feel like it's set up. Even though you're sitting on an ergonomics chair. Oh, really? Yeah, you scared me. Now it's all gonna fall apart. Matt, you're focusing on something so f***ing minor and letting it affect your mind. This is the way you get married one day, I reckon. You got to let that go. Jump the hurdles in life. Move forward, plow on, and f***. Throw the discus. Here we go. Is it connected to the... You wish it is. It is. Yeah. All right, here we go. It's for love, Matt. It's for love. Just remember that, Matt. I'm nervous now. No, no. Hello. Hello, this is the Marty and Michael fully actual podcast that you've joined, as I'm sure you know. And sitting with us here, we have the very powerful yet incredibly timid and scared, very hurt, vulnerable, shaking Matthew Brown, and he would love to get to know you. So I'm gonna throw it over to you guys. Have a little conversation. Let's see if that chemistry is there. Let's get you guys together and have a f***. Hi, Matt. Hey, how are you? How are you? Good. Good start, Matt. What's your name? They didn't even tell me. You have to guess. I have to guess your name. Oh, she's playing games. Matt loves games. What does it start with? I hate games. You have to guess. Come on, Matt, have a guess. Sounds like a huck to flash. You have to guess. I have to guess the letter. No, you have to just try and guess the name, Matt. A female name. Maybe Bronda or Candace. Say Candace Owens. Candace Owens. How did we know? You said Candace Owens. Candace Owens. It's not Candace Owens, Matt. Who's Candace Owens? I don't know. Did she make that up? Professional rugby player. Brian? It's Candace. It is Candace. Your name is Candace. Yeah. It's nearly Candace. Say that, Matt. Until you love Candace. Nearly Candace, and I love Candace. And go on a bit, like, really go out of the world and pick up a rock and throw. Yeah. Do you want a rock to throw? Throw a rock at her. Candace, do you mind if Matt throws a rock? And we'll be honest with you. I'm not going to throw a tennis ball. All right, he's got a tennis ball. Let's see the arm on him, because this could really impress Candace. I'd really like that. Yeah, all right, let's have the throw gone. You know, I don't like you too, and Candace has got me on edge. Just peg the ball of the light and see what happens. I've got you on edge. Why are you on edge, Matt? Don't be on edge. I can't trust you at the moment, because the guys have set it up like it could be a trap of some kind. Can I get your star sign, Matt? Yeah, go for it. See you, Taurus. I think you're a Pisces, because you look so strong and handsome. Oh, are you? Are you? Are you Pisces? See, I think this is set up, because... I knew it. Oh, I knew it. I could tell. Oh, look at that. She knows you, Matt. It's your sister. Hey, Candace, have I ever spoken to anyone that you've known before? It's calling her Candace. Yes. It was a shush. Was that a yes? Yes. So who's the person that I've spoken to that you know? Well, you'll have to wait and find out. Hmm. So many crypticnesses. Oh, so Candace went in. I recently told some of my pile of my star sign recently. Who did you tell? And that's why I'm like, this is fucking... Who did you tell? You've set me up with something. I don't trust it. She won't tell me who you're telling. Matt, I'm really disappointed in you. Don't disappoint Candace. Have I spoken to you before? Yes, but I'm very disappointed that you don't know who I am. Yeah, Matt, how do you not know? You picked it last time. Yeah, I got it last time. Hello, Isla. Ah! It's Isla! It's Isla! OK. Wait, hang on. But Isla, are you impressed that I knew our conversation when you asked the star sign? You didn't remember who we thought. When you asked the star sign, you should recognize her voice, Matt. I thought you were going to figure it out by then. You should be tattooing your conversations on your body, Cunt. See, I was just on edge because I knew it was a setup from the beginning because I fucked with, like, just the words that they said was just all fuckery. I'm glad we got you on, Isla, because Matt has been genuinely telling... He's got to crush on you, for sure. Even off air, when the camera's aren't rolling, he talks about you. How dare you force her to come back on? We didn't force her, man. Yes, you did. We'll show you the DMs, bro! I asked them. Did you? I asked them to come back. Really? Isla, what's he been like talking to you on? What's it like from the other side of the coin? What's he been like to to talk to via Instagram? Has he been all right? Look, me and Matt have our feet to plan out. We don't need you guys anymore. OK, well, that's good. As long as he's talking, he's not fucking fucking this up! As long as he's not ruining this! I liked one of our photos the other day. I think I put love hearts in the, like, story. Holy shit, so it's got to that level. Was it love hearts? Was it love hearts or was it a little fire emoji? I can't remember. Well, you know, we're going to put each other's names in our bios, but Matt, do you know what it is? It's ID! It's like, it's all easy. You fucked it up as well. I did the same thing. I went ID and it's not that. It's I-O. I-O! Oh, of course! Yeah, I mean, because it's not ID and I-O. What does this mean? I-O-do-ity. It's not I-O-do-ity. I see. Don't worry, Matt. The same mistake. See, it's very. Yeah, it's very. It's highly common. What is it? I-O-what? I-O-do-ity. We'll explain it to you at the end of the podcast. Man, I'm so ID-O-OK. I-O-no, Eila, would you ever seriously, like, and I know, you know, there's been a lot of fucking banter and talk back and forth. And, you know, our fans have really helped. All the people listening and watching out there, you guys are helping make this happen. We're all working together to find Matt a wife. And you're all invited to the wedding. Yeah, 100% we'll pay for it. Michael, if you guys get married, we'll pay for the wedding. Eila, what was the? Yep, what was the, what's the weirdest thing you've been sent so far about me? Oh, I don't know, there's been a few weird ones. I haven't opened a lot of them. Oh, sorry. Some of them are pretty, yeah, people send me screenshots of them and they're pretty fucked. Yeah, so Eila, now, would you ever consider going on an actual, no pressure, nothing, you know, is enough to have sex or kiss or anything, but would you ever genuinely go and sit down at a McDonald's with Matt Brown and have a few cheeseburgers together? We could definitely talk, we could definitely talk rights. Oh, wow. What was that? Talk rights. Oh, talk rights. Talk rights. I don't know. Okay. So what are you saying that we need to pay for that to happen? Yeah. Oh, but look, it's still promising we're chipping away. It sounds like everyone's like, we will pay Eila if that's possible. I don't want to pay Eila to go on a date. Okay, remember, we found his feelings. Matt was chasing on a date and he didn't say yes. What did you say? What did Matt say? This is what I'm talking about. This is why I asked you to have a conversation as Pete. Oh, they were just throwing me under the bus. What did Matt say? Did he ignore you? I can't remember what he didn't say yes. Matt, you need to pull your pants up. He's, Matt's got this thing he thinks that all these girls are being forced and that they don't genuinely like him. So he's scared to put himself out there. He's scared to put his feelings out there and be vulnerable. But really, all these girls want to go on dates with you, can't. So say something about your pussy, Matt. You got to put yourself out there. If you want the cream, you got to go and have a lick of the bowl, can't. Exactly. Say sorry, Matt. Say sorry. No, no, no, because I'm not sorry because the conversation I think is going pretty well. All right, well, kiss her then. Kiss the microphone then. We've already made out. I can throw another kiss to celebrate. Throw the fucking baby across the podcast set, dickhead. At virtual Isla. There you go. That's pretty good. Isla, he just threw the baby. So you'll be impressed. Thank you. Yeah. All right, Isla. Thank you. There you go. Thank you so much for coming on again. Before before we say goodbye, though, I like let's just just so there's a glimmer of hope, like genuinely are you open at least to still getting to know Matt? We are. We're talking. Yeah, yeah. So are you but are you genuinely open to it? Or are you just sort of making it work? Just sort of no, we're helping with humoring. We're war-wrapping it all. You see, I'd be if I was I'll be slow. Let her answer. Let's let her let's let her answer the question. We're basically dating already, I thought. No, no, but just seriously, is there in the future a small slither chance that you guys could never know? Yes, that's all we fucking need, mate. That's all we fucking need, cunt. That's all we fucking need. That's a victory. Today we've had a win and Matt unsubscribed from Isla's only fans. It's it's weird. How dare he? Yeah, no way. You've got to keep paying. I want to see a preview of my future. That's the best bet of Brown. Hey, you know, he's means he's starting a bubble of it, cunt. But I love you're still number one. I don't know. So OK, well, there we have it. Stop three at the end of the season. Isla is one of them. Yeah, but definitely by the sounds of it. All right, thank you so much for spending some of your Saturday here to help us today. We really appreciate it. And Matt loves you. Great. See you. Tell your love. Tell your love. I love you. Say sorry. She's too much. She's hung up on you when you said that. Oh, holy shit. Oh, yeah, you were too much. Shut up. You've got to know when to rein it in there. You need to know when to rein it in all the shit that you come out with. Fucking sickening. I'm sorry. I can't believe you. I knew I picked it straight away. I can tell Matt knew as soon as I said the boys know. You should have committed to that tennis ball throw. That's your future wife. Like this is going to happen. I've predicted we find your wife and Isla is beautiful and perfect. Isla is beautiful and perfect. But she ain't going to marry me. She don't want to do that. Do you think you're only saying that out of the joke? Are you only saying that because, yeah, you think. What if right? This joke got you guys to know each other to a level. And then she started thinking, yeah, you know what? Matt is actually a fucking great guy. And I do want to fucking grab his cheeks and rip him out. She's going to fit on his mouth. Maybe I do want to do that. So holy shit. So that theory that you're just saying then. It's love. We fixed it. Yeah, that's probably a small chance. We've got good banter. So that could be the beginning. Here you go. Matt, all you need is a thought and then a belief and then an action. And then a spark. Oh, an action. Yeah, which is a spark. And then the fire begins and it burns hard. So and I will watch you guys fuck. But she's got competition, though. You should say thank you for what we've done. Well, who else are you talking to? Which are you like other? So, yeah, as I said, I can't I was definitely going to be top three at the end of the season. I can't deny. But there's two others, right? I can't deny that the UK girl, Jess, she's an early fan chick. We've just ignored the whole side of the Bachelor Brown shit and we've just been chatting about shit and just keeps continuing and continuing. Here we go. She's pretty cool. So so far, you're top two out of three. You're both only fans. Yeah, I know. Shocking. And no one would have picked that. But yeah, I just yeah. But me and her have just been chatting just because she's good at fucking conversation. So it's just been continuing. Well, it's not that she's good. It's that you're both getting along and you're quite similar, I think. And in many ways that you don't realize and there's actually a genuine connection there. So I think you should keep exploring that. Well, it's great to see. It's great to see. Anyway, fucking moving right along. Fuck me, can't pissing. And let's bomb break again. That's my right. And we're back. I got a hard one. We're going to do the lying to lucky segment. Let us know in the comments if you guys don't rate this segment, by the way, because we think it's funny, but we have a weird distorted view of the world and what is funny. So if it's not funny, because we're just telling lucky very basic little lies, alternatively, if you like this segment, let us know and if you have a lie that you'd like us to tell lucky, please let us know, because sometimes they're hard to think of good lies. Anyway, this is a good one, though. Yeah, so we're going to call lucky. And first of all, we're going to we're going to set him up with like, oh, hey, we're starting a Facebook page for James. Can you like do up some logos for him? I don't even know if we mentioned the gardening thing because that might might make him like a bit like that. As soon as I say that, then I'll just sleep in. Oh, dude, by the way, fucking, you'll never guess. Djokovic just replied to out one of our dams. So the lie today is that Novak Djokovic has replied to a DM of us wishing him well at Wimbledon. So we're telling him that lie while we're trying to say another lie. So it's like a double lie. Double lie. Double jeopardy. Let's see if we can got Gottfried twice. Let's get Gott. Let's get Gottfried. Got to get Gottfried. I've got to show my core ID. Please don't forget to tell me to turn it off again, Matt. Turn it off. Oh, no, turn it off. Pardon? Sorry. Can you guys hear me in the? Yeah. I can't hear you. Have you sat down on your cord? Maybe I can. Have you unplugged your cord? Well, can you hear it? Can you hear what I'm saying right now? I don't know. I think so. Well, you replied to me. So I'm assuming that you probably can. Oh, yeah. True. And like, yeah, sorry. Hold on. Just if we just go through that. I don't know if I can hear right now. Can you hear what I'm saying, Michael? Yeah, yeah, I can. OK, sorry. All right. Here we go. Fuck me. You can't. All right. Calling Locky. Here we go. All right. Let's try the screaming segment. Then we come back to calling. Come back to Locky. See if he calls back. All right. I'm going to call. Who should we call today? What about a what's open on a Saturday? What about we call? We've done a restaurant. We've done. What about a fish and chip shop? Call. All right, I'll call a fish and chip shop. Guys, this segment is a segment where we just call a random business and I will scream as loud as I can. And then we see how long they stay on the phone for. If they get to one minute of staying on the phone, then we have to say to them, you win this round. Locky's calling back. Locky's calling back. Abandon everything. Locky's calling back. Here we go. Here we go. I like that. Hey, dude, can you hear me? Yeah. Well, just a quick one. Don't have to do it anytime soon or anything, but we're thinking about starting our page for James. Would you be able to fucking help us with just a cheeky little logo? We'll pay you, obviously. Yeah. Is that all right? I can never tell. I can't even believe you. Oh, no, no, no, dude. Yeah, no, this is dead serious. It's Saturday, dude. We're going to do the podcast on a Saturday. Oh, yeah. Three, two, one, yeah, yeah. Oh, dude, so. It was around podcast time. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly right, mate. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can do it. I can do it. What's going to be called? I think he's because, you know, he loves like gardening. So I think like something gardening related. So maybe just James spin instead of arms. He's got trees. What? She reckon that would be too fucking weird. What is it? He's going to make gardening content. Yeah. Because, you know, he's like, nose heaps about like plants and cactus. Isn't she? I can use the fucking. I'm going to make this logo with James. Things. I did. I swear to God, I'll pay you before you even do it in a show of good faith. No. I love. So you want. You want James arms. The trees is arms. Yeah, what do you reckon? Do you reckon that's fucking. That's what I came up with. What kind of content do you like? Just like literally like, you know how there's so many cooking pages? It'll be like not a cooking page, but like a gardening page. So just weird little fucking gardening hacks and just fucking shit like that. And I reckon he'll just have a huge female following because he'll have his fucking arms out and shit in his cock showing through his little white shorts. Yeah, I can do that. All right. Fuck. Oh, dude, so funny to know, you know, Novak Djokovic, he fucking replied to one of our dams. And we wish we seem well on for against Oh, yeah, on a story. Any reply to us like an awesome. Man, this is this is this is ruined our friendship. Oh, my God. Lying to lucky is ruined our fucking friendship. I just keep thinking of like little loopholes. I'm like, maybe you're getting like real and you're just lighting the light. Oh, my God. That definitely sounds like something we would do. But no, I'll show you the fucking screenshot. I was just about to post on our story anyway. That's funny. You we we got you idiot. That was a lie. You are on fucking lying to lucky and we got you can't. You got coffee, dickhead. Oh, my God. You fucking believe that you idiot. Of course, what Novak did not reply. He has millions of followers. Fucking we don't need a logo. So something we don't need a logo either. Fucking you. Fucking you. That's an easy game. That's a lie. You fucking picked it too. But then he's just too. It's just that little bit too polite to call on it properly. Oh, man, if we were together, it would have been straight away. So you had to be alone. And if that was me, you would have been like, I'm hanging up now. I had to say that you would have been like, yeah, straight away. Yeah, we'll bullshit. That was honestly, I'm going to say, top 20 moments, best like moments of my life. It's made my way. It's like, thank you, Locky. Thank you. You're James through a story through me off. I was like, catch this content. I knew that if we had the initial lie set up for ages, then we could bring a second in one like that. Yeah, yeah, that's that was the game plan. But he picks it anyway. Very fucking good. Very good. Anyway, we'll talk to you next week. He's the best. You're going to take time? Yeah. Idiot, we got you. Oh, best. Top 20. That's the best one we've done. Lying to Locky. Lying to Locky. All right, back to Scream. All right. Scream one was. OK, so this is a segment. Fish and chips. Have I explained what it is? Yeah, you explained before. So if they can hang on for one minute and listen to me scream, they win. That round. All right, here we go. Here's my phone on fucking private. Thanks for reminding me, Matt. The problem there. All right, here we go. So what do you predict? Oh, yeah, that's right. We have to make a prediction. I reckon I'm going to go 18 seconds. I was short one. I'm going to go 13. Yeah, I was going to go. It's I got a hole in one on hole 13. It depends on who answers. Really, it is very true. But could go either way. They could be angry at me for screaming. So I'm going to want to play it safe and go of 20 seconds. So 13, 18, 20. Let's do it. Here we go. Here we go. 13 seconds, 13th. The way, the way, the way that we'll see that call then. Fucking inside the timer. You have 14 seconds. Fuck, I was close. 14 seconds. Michael is the name of that fish and chips, please. Yeah, very important kind of cut. Damn it. See, it doesn't work as well when they don't hang on for a bit. Yeah, or at least question it. So usually they pass the phone around to be like, what the fuck is this? Yeah, well, remember, they're so fed up. Yeah, and it's dinner. It's mid. It's nearly dinner. So the rush. So they're probably busy. And yeah, we know cranky. Anyway, it's hit and miss with the screaming segment. Again, if the segment you guys don't want, let me know. Oh, cut it. Can't do that for you. Just let us know. Personally, I love that segment, man. Yeah, I love it too. But the lying to Lucky was pinnacle shit of our careers. It's going to be tough. Beat that. He just texted James and said, go and get fucked. That is so worth it, what we did then. All right, guys, now it is time for the moo, the cow, the question, the comment of the week. And this is a separate competition thing where we pick a comment from last week's episode that we love the most and we cut it out, scissors, and we stick it on a little board for everyone to see. Can you get the board out? And at the end of the season, we'll pick one of these comments to be the best comment of the entire season. So your comment could make it onto this board, all right? So that's crazy. That's separate to the $1,000 any random comment competition as well. So we'll be giving, that's two comment competitions you're in the running for. We have a fair few. It's a fucking comment away, can't. There are a fair few that's not on there, Brown. I know we need BlueTac. All right, so Matt, can someone send us BlueTac because Matt doesn't know where to find any. And then we will put those remaining names and immortalize you on that board. All right, so let's see what the comment of the week is this week. This was chosen by Michael. Oh. All right, comment of the week went to James, James Julian? Oh, both of them. When was Matt diagnosed with Brown syndrome? Yeah, that's good. I like that. Sorry. Brown syndrome. That's like, you've got like 20 times the chromosomes that you should and they all metastasized in your testicles as mints. Yeah, that's why you get the rocks or the kid knee stone. Rock. Kid stones. The kids. So now we go to the comments guys and the questions, all right? This is where we answer your questions and we answer the most liked questions. So if you have a question for us, go to the Martin and Michael for the actual YouTube channel, comment your question and have a scroll through, see which other questions you want us to answer because we will answer the most liked fucking comments. Do you understand that? Does that fucking make sense to you? I think. Sorry. All right, top question went to a person who's wanted a few... Bomb break! Ooh, dangerous. James and one of our friends been saying goodbye to each other. They're friends. All right. And we're fucking back. Let us continue with the questions that you have for us. All right, top question that he's wanted before is from... Donut films. Donut films. Fucking... Can I just say? He does well. Donut films. Your comments are always very, very good. Don't know what it is about him. His comments are just always very intriguing, aren't they? And what he sends. Yeah, you're still a sick fuck. Yeah. No, you're not. No, he's a... We ask for everything he sends. There's a reason people watch this. We are all sick fucks. Demanded he send everything. We've asked for piss, come shit. Those are tied in a way, I guess. Those are tied when you were the leader of the sick fucks, man. How dare you, you can damn a fellow sick fucky. Donut films, we love you. And his question is, are you boys still going to attempt to record the world's longest podcast? Yes. Yeah, we're still going to do it. Even if we don't get the Guinness World Book of Records fucking seal of approval, we're just going to do it anyway and just say it's the longest. Because it will be. Yeah, if we do it, it is. If we say it is, it is. Yeah, true. And that's peer reviewed. It's science. Yeah. And that's peer reviewed science. Have we, we haven't heard back from Guinness, eh? No, they said it would take time. Yeah, so we're planning on doing this. So it's episode 21 now. We're all going to do it on like episode 30, which is like nine weeks away. So if we haven't heard back from them in a couple of weeks, let's just start organizing it without the dogs. And what, it's like a 36 hour... Continuous podcast. Yeah, they did say it'd be like three months. So, so they said expect that. That's too long. Yeah, that's too long. But it's been, we've, you see, you guys are impatient. We've, we sent it to her ages ago, so we just need to wait a little bit longer. I can check one out. All right, we'll wait. Let's say five weeks. In like eight weeks. If in eight weeks. Because then we've only got two weeks to organize it. Let's just go in five weeks, we start organizing it. Okay. Clearly, as we get the all clear from them, we've already got it set up. When we've done it and without them. We've still got 19 episodes to go. So we've got time. Okay. Sorry. We'll do it twice. Tomorrow. And if it means we have to push it the next season, we'll push it the next season. No, no, no, I'm sick of saying things that we don't follow through on. We're doing it. We're doing it and that's that. Yeah, but I also want to do it properly. Yeah, well, we can do it properly next season then. But we're doing it. We have to start sticking on our word. All these people, all these poor people, we get them all excited and then leave them fucking hanging dry. 36 hours. What's the record? I don't want to do that. 36 hours or 50 hours. That's how long? That's what I mean. We've got to figure out what's there. Is it really? It's nothing. 36 hours. Yeah, it's a day and a half, isn't it? Or 40 hours? He's right. 36 is the record. 40 is what we're going to go for. Yeah. But then do that now. There's a possibility it could be 50. It just depends which side of the spectrum we... Did you just say spectrum? Are we live streaming it? Or is it like a recorded podcast? How are we going to upload a 36 hour? We'll have to settle down and talk about it when it gets close to it. Yeah, don't worry. We'll figure all that shit out. Something will happen. Conner's already told him. He's down to do it. He's fine with it. Sorry. Anyway, let's move on. That's another discussion. Next question was from Steven Hunt. He was almost the winner today. We just missed it. When will you guys be doing a studio live audience podcast? Season finale, I hope. You want to do a live studio podcast by season finale? Yeah, we've got 19 weeks. That's like half a year, dude. Sort of. It's the same thing. It's just a planning. I just want to know. Could be a lot to it. Oh, there's a lot to it. We're going to get the three Bachelor of Brown ladies. We're going to get the winners of the... Winners about getting Suncorp Stadium. Winners of the competitions you show. You're not hired out, Matt. During an IRL Grand Final. That would actually be... During the AFL final. At the other side, we're at the... No, no, no, at Suncorp. We'll get them to have the final here. Part of the circle will be in the crowd. We'll pull some strings. I wish we did do Suncorp. That'd be good. Sorry. Anyway, next question, please. All right. Next question is from Dakota Jane. Oh, my God. Living Stone. That's a great question. Living Stone, man. Get it. This is why the podcast... Dakota Stone. This is why the podcast goes for an hour and a half is because of this. Sorry. All right. Her question was, if someone did the scream segment to you and are you hanging up or are you listening as long as possible? Probably these days. I'd stay for a good 30 to 40 seconds. If these days, I've got to call if I was sitting at home and someone was screaming, I'd probably hang up pretty immediately. No, no. Because I'd know us. A fan's gotten my phone. Yeah. And this is payback for what I do. So, like, it's funny, but I would just be like, I don't need that right now. Yeah, holy shit. I'd give it a chance because I love like a loud, voluptuous... Yeah, you really like that. Probably laugh at it. I'd be just curious. There would be a part of me that's curious. Oh, I wonder what that's going on here. It is. I like making loud noises. I don't like hearing loud noises. Yeah, OK. Sorry. Next question is from... Cheese. See, every question is followed by this. Well, that's because they're funny questions. No, they're not. He's just a very funny question. No, no, he's just so stoned. You just got to make a little giggle laugh and he loses it. He's sorry with Spot. Oh, dude, that was the best sorry I've ever heard. We're going to get sorry merch. Again, back to normal. You've got to control this, Michael. It's going to be long questions. Sorry. All right. Next question. Hurry up. Next question is from Cheesleshits. We can we continue to make videos and inspire people into your later lives. It would be funny to see you guys trying to get a date for Matt when he's 60 plus. Well, hopefully by 60 plus, Matt will be settled down. Although he might have been divorced by then. Yeah. So yeah, potentially. Yeah, because Matt will go through a divorce. I've I've I've foreseen it in his in who he is as a person. I've tried to correct it, but I will have a very messy divorce in his mid to late fifties. Oh, no. You know, it's not to say there's lots of good years to begin with. So it's not all doom and gloom. Jesus fucking five divorces. Oh, I have. OK, I'll be done. So imagine some people do that. But yeah, no, but don't worry, man. You'll find someone else and the second wife you have will be the one that should have been with your whole life. I think Greg's on his you only get like three or four years with her because she will actually die quite young. Oh, like what I mean the first make this you'll know her for a week. It's either no, no, it will be your first divorce. Oh, it will be your first divorce. But it will be beneficial for both of you because the age difference. She's still young. She still wants to go to the mat and you're at home and you're at home and you just want to play with the hamsters that you have. I'm 40 and 19 hamsters. Do you have a hamster now? Well, no, I don't want to see fun. He wants them the same color as his beard. In the next question is from Barmo underscore UK. Have you guys been watching Wimbledon and what do you think of Nick Curio? It's been fucking it's hard. It ruins my sleeping pattern so much. And yes, I've been watching the shit out of Wimbledon. And staying up to like fucking 6 a.m. on our week off one night because when Nick was fucking in that awesome night and it sits a pass. Yeah, well, it's right now. We've got what 24 hours till he plays the final grand final. Like that's monumental. That hasn't happened over 20 years in 20 years time first. If you're not a tennis final, if you're not a tennis fan, you probably want us to shut up, right? Yeah, but like we were little tennis boys. Yeah. And I used to watch Wimbledon. That's one thing because there's always matches up with the school holidays. So as even as a little boy, I get to stay up and watch Wimbledon. And that excited me to no end. I'd wake up at like 3 a.m. to watch this like Australia. Stay up. Just put on replays of it. It was like tapes from my grandfather. Sorry, sorry about that. But yeah, we love tennis and we're excited about it. Sort of. And Nick Karyos is like a good player to watch because he's very entertaining, you know, and entertainer to watch. Of course, he's a very out there person. But aside from that, he's very entertaining to watch tennis. Anyway, next question. Can't Zach Jeanette has asked, have you boys had many actual strains of weed before? Yeah. What is your favourite if you've had a fair few strains? I love the O.G. Kosh is my favourite. It's very high in THC. And it just, oh, I love a good fucking indica. We just get fucked. I like sativas. Yeah, you like sativas. I like to just be like out and body experiences. This close to panicking and screaming and not knowing where I am and blacking out and waking up with blood nose and bloodshot eyes. Can't. Yeah. Astral projection, sort of that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I like. So yeah, yeah, all the high THC ones are really good for me. And I think I like the opposite. Where Michael likes the lighter colours. There is nothing better than just like listening to lyricless music and just walking around in circles through like a forest. Oh, my God, it sounds like you're lost. The lyricless music, it sounds like he's just walking around a forest playing a guitar. And he is. That sounds like you retire. Or getting hole in ones. Holy fucking shit. Sorry. All right. Next question is from Esno. How did Matt Brown pick up that sick and disgusting habit of playing with gollies? I know it. Matt's had this thing ever since we've known him. Matt used to get all of us to spit in a glass. Yeah, I can't remember this. Is this real? Yeah. So what I would do the the party trick was I get everyone to spit in the glass. Everyone at the party. Yeah, a dash of water and then I'd put it all into my mouth and then I go and I'll gargle it all out. Oh, my God. Can't. I remember and it was so fucked. So Matt has a weird does not spit. Does not affect him. Does not phase him. And I suspect it's from his fucking rampant days. Having all those. I've realised something though. We've all got phobias in different ways. I couldn't deal with piss and shit, but you can. You can't deal with blood and gollies. We hear their mono when James threw up and I was playing. Yeah, you're like feeling really sick about it. James threw up and I was playing. And I was like, oh, my God, you're grabbing James. OK, so here's the story, right? James had the had James had never had edibles. Michael's like, you have half this cookie. And then I had we all had like half a cookie. And then I started hitting me pretty quickly. And I was like, are these like quite strong, Michael? And he's like, it's like there's like four servings per cookie. I'd found out like two weeks later that two of the cookies or two, half of the cookies, one of the cookies was like double the strength of the other cookie. And James had a double strength through his very first time. It's I nearly fucking green now. But James. Oh, he missed the flight. Yeah. James missed his flight with power vomiting in Luke's backyard. And as soon as he's done power vomiting, Michael prances over and dips his hand in and starts picking up fistfuls of vomit and letting it string down his hand. He was like paralyzed for 24 hours. It really rocked me to his first time ever doing edibles. I didn't even realize I was lucky. But like, yes, sorry, James. Sorry, never trust edibles ever again. And I'm the disgusting one. Yeah, but we know he's playing with it. Can't you gargle it? You could not vomit, but you'd do spit. That's the same. Well, I haven't done that yet in front of you. Would you drink it? Swallow it. No, no. That's disgusting. OK, so how much if I spat in a glass all day? Making me sick. How much would it take for you to take a shot of just my. So, you know, now it gets out of hand because it's all day and it starts to smell. You've got to do it on the spot. Needs to be fresh. OK, I get half an hour to spit into a cup on the podcast. And at the end, you do it and then we pay you. What amount does that cost? Dude, I've got it. I've got it. I've got it. I've got it. Please listen to this. We use spit in a in a mold in an ice cup mold. We freeze the spit. We pull the frozen spit out. We batter it and then we deep fry it. So deep fried spit balls. Yeah, but that's OK if it's your own. I'd do that. You do mine. But that'd be hard on the podcast. I reckon we give you an amount of money. I start at the beginning of the podcast. I get to spit in this glass all throughout the podcast. At the end of the podcast, you drink it and then you get the money. No one is going to want to see that. Yes, they will. It's really good. Comment if you want to see that. I'm genuinely curious if anyone wants to see that. No, because when we do grow shit, people will click off. Yeah, we're starting to lean into website content. I think it's OK. We'll let the comments. Yeah, we'll let the comments decide how much would it take for you to do that? Whatever you want to give me, man. Like 200 bucks? Done. Bullshit. I guess meth is a grand. Of course, you're going to do that for two. That's going to do meth for a grand. $200. I spit in a shot glass. At the end of the podcast, you drink the shot glass. I'm not going to swallow. That's not my trick. My trick is I put it in my mouth. OK. Oh, if you want to see that. I don't think anyone really wants to see that. I would want to see that. So I'm going to comment this week together. No, it's clear. Anyway, next question. A lot of people asked questions about what is the holy grail of Tim Tams. It's going to take time to explain. No, it's simple. We did see your messages. You bite the top off, then you go around the edges, leave the inner circle that's like really like soft, creamy. Then you leave the base at the. You leave the base that's around the base. No, yeah, the the people all of the outside all the outside chocolate, chocolate, except for the bottom under the cream and it's the holy grail. What? And then you just eat it as normal. Yeah, it's not that hard, but it's the holy grail. It is quite hot. It's hot. Remember, James loved it. Did you have the holy grail, Mono? Matt, you've had the holy grail. Yeah, it's good, but it has to be done with original. Double Chalk doesn't work. Double Chalk is shit. Always have original. That is true. Yeah, I haven't done it yet. I don't know if I have the patience. No, it's so good. It like I was profiting. It made sense when you had it, Matt, right? You're like, oh, yeah. Yeah, I didn't really. It's like a better Tim Tams if you have it that way. I didn't trust it at the start, but it is. Maybe you should invent your own Tim Tams. Cream. Well, it's like chips. If you have normal chips, you always hate them. But if they're like wish chips and they're folded, they're way better. But yeah, I've got business plans for that. I love Mono. He's still here. Hey, Mono. All right. Final question from Candice Mahir. What was the best thing about being a tennis player slash teacher coach? Well, we weren't really players when we were coaches. You got to make a choice. You're either a player or you're a coach. There is no fucking in between because it takes up all of your fucking time. And being a player, you have to sacrifice everything. And we weren't prepared to do that. So that's why we stopped. And it's just like, oh, the parents and shit. It's just, there are some intense people in the tennis world. What are the parents like in the football world? Fuckwits. All of them. Rich, entitled fuckwits. Not like all of them, but like the ones that make it normally. Oh, yeah. Well, the ones that make it are so cool. You had some that you liked, though. Oh, yeah, you have your friends and shit, but God damn, man, fuck me. Can't fuck off. But like, if you want to be a tennis player, yeah, you have to have a lot of money, all the private coaching and the tennis jackets and all the traveling. You travel the fucking tournaments every weekend and you've got to buy a combination for your whole team. And you just fuck off, mate. Yeah, it's hot, but it's good if you make it. And if you, oh, fuck, it's like a hole in one. Not many people, not many people have it, you know? Yeah, like only certain people have the hole in one. So yeah. I've never felt that feeling. Yeah, I have. And coaching is, coaching is like, it was one of the, it was really shit. Like, no, there were some good days, you know, the privates with one-on-ones with good players and stuff, yeah, sure. All right. It's like good sessions with good students. Getting up at 4.30 a.m. in the middle of winter because fucking some cunt wants a lesson before he goes to work, though. That can stay fucked off. And all the huge kids' lessons. Man, fuck that shit off. That sucked. That kids stay fucked off. That is the best terminology I've ever heard. And yeah, some of the kids don't want to be there. They're the worst. The kids who have had their parents pay for their tennis, but they actually hate tennis? So they're just there to fuck around. Do they tell you that they hate it? Yeah, the kids are just obvious. We're just like, it's like so bored by everything that we're doing. I'll be telling them, tell your parents you hate this. Yeah. Oh, thank you. And those are the questions for the week. Sorry. OK, now we move on to the prank fucking phone call cunt. And this is where Darren is going to call one, three cabs, and he's going to say that he's lost his drugs in one of their cabs just now. I remember if they put you on hold, they will still be able to hear you. I know for a fact the cab companies are usually like that. So keep it up. Press one if this is your pickup address. Press one to book a taxi immediately. Thank you. Your booking has been accepted. Thank you for calling one, three cabs. I was there. Frank, all of that we put in cabs. Some random address. How the fuck can you talk to a human being? That's so ridiculous. Here we go. Hello, this is going to help. My name is Darren. Look, I just got dropped off. Not too long ago, right? And down on Middle End's road. And I've just realized I've left something in the cab like a big glad wrap bag full of stuff. And I sort of needed it for tonight because I'm having a bit of a party in that. And I was just trying to see if we could cook me up with the cab that dropped me off on that and remember I could maybe get all my shit back. Yeah, okay, mate. Did you book the cab through the phone? Yeah, mate, yeah, I did. Did you get the reference number for the trip? No, mate, I don't. I delete all my texts because there's no room on my phone. Unfortunately, I didn't think I'd bloody need it. And I'm like... Oh, no, I'm all fucked up there. But, yeah, I'll just do it through phone. And the other thing, too, is I think I might have accidentally booked another cab to my house. I accidentally just... What's your address, Darren, for the pickup? 17... Where did he pick you up? He got me from the valley, right? He got me from Fortitude Valley just outside Prohibition. Hello, you there? Yeah, can you hear me, mate? Yeah, yeah, sorry, just stopped a little bit of a sudden. What was the address that he picked you up at? So, just outside Prohibition there in the valley. I think that's what that's... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not sure, mate. I'm in Melbourne, so... Yeah, no, no, right, right, yeah. So, Anne Street, right, in the Fortitude Valley. Prohibition... Prohibition nightclub. Fortitude Valley, is that in Brisbane? Yeah, mate, yeah, Brisbane, mate, yeah. Yeah, it's not on the Gold Coast. No, no, no, mate, yeah. Just in Brisbane, right next to the CBD, right next to the city and that, so... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, is it 206 Wickham Street? Yeah, it is, I just... My mate, yeah, yeah, yeah. 206 Wickham Street, right. Cab's picking me up there, and I've left all me... Yeah, I know, I got that. Thanks. And I've left all me goodies in the back of the car there. Cab drives a good bike, but, yeah, he might have, buddy, if he's flogged them like, yeah, I'm in big strife. So lucky I'm gonna need that back. So you just flagged him down, did you? Yeah, yeah, mate, yeah, he's just driving past and all stuck me in there. I mean, he's jumped on in. Okay, yeah. You haven't got a reference yet? Didn't get a receipt from him? No, no, mate, no, no receipt. Just gave him a cash and fucking got out of the car. Right, and the stones all got out of the car. I seen him driving off. Thought, fuck, checked all my pockets. Checked me a little bum bag and all my gear's gone, mate. It's all in the back of the fucking car. Yeah. I can't actually find a... Because it wasn't booked and you flagged it down. Fuck. It makes it very difficult to track the driver down for lost property. Yeah, fuck. What if I describe the contents, right? Not gonna help. What if he hands in lost property and I've already described it, right? And then you just can give me your bars when it's come in and then I can come pick it up. Yeah. Right, let me put you through the lost property and we'll see. Thank you, mate. Appreciate that so much, mate. Yeah, nice. Yeah. Yeah, no, no, it's not too bad. It's fucking good gear. Strong bar. My whole fucking lot. No, this is all numbing shit. It's fucking nuts. Yeah, it's like, give me your fucking eggs. I already can't. That's how you know it's good but fuck me then pins, Dark Web Pin, fucking Dark Web Pin, fucking Dark Web Pin, weapons, that weapon is, dark weapon is going to Dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping-a-scan-t, dark web ping Where ping has come dark. Where ping has come dark. Where ping has come dark. Where ping has come dark. Where ping has come dark. How can I help you? Yeah, g'day Don, how you going? So I've just called a cab from the valley right and it's taking me home. The gamer cash, right, and he's bloody took off and I've just realised, right, I've left all me goodies in the back of the car and I'll just call and see if I'll get them back. Yeah, so he might have already dropped them off. I don't know. He might have already dropped them off lost property. So I just thought I'd give bars and check. Okay, so you got into the taxi in the valley. Yeah, that's correct. Yep. Did he run the meter? No. No, he didn't run the meter. He said he'd done me a cheeky little $10 discount or something if I gave him the cash. Well, I don't know which taxi it was. But what if I leave description wrong and if that matches what's in lost property and that? Okay, I'll explain now. Lost property is locked up until Monday morning at 8.30. Right, right. Anything that is left there is left into a lock chute. Right, yep, yep. And the drivers have 48 hours in which to put anything into locked property. Oh, gotcha. Oh, gotcha. Right. Okay, now also one of the other things, are you sure it was the one three cabs and not a black and white? Oh, fuck yeah. No, that's a pretty good question. Yeah. It's usually like thinking back. I don't know. I don't know. But the black seemed like a good guy. But so I reckon he's chucked it in. So if I could just like, it's a small glad wrap bag, right? And it's got 10 smaller bags in there. And there's like a white crushed up powder in 10 of the bags there. And there's another bag. And that's got black tape around it. And that's just got locks and pills and that for me. Like hard medication, whatever. No, you'd have to ring up on Monday morning. I'll give you the phone number for the reception centre. Yeah, no worries. Yep. So if I call them on Monday, but so you reckon then they'll, they'll, they'll, if I describe what's in lost property that they'll give it back to me, but. I think they may do. I don't know. What if it's like, what if it's like a legal something that's not legal and that is, what's it work like there? If what is handed in, right? Because I don't know. I don't know. I'm not from Australia. So I don't know if it's legally or like my heart medication and that it might be like, they might say it's like, oh, it's drugs or some shit. It's not, it's not drugs and that it's just that, that's what he might look like or something. Do you know what I mean? Does that sort of make sense or? In other words, you're trying to get out of saying it's drugs. I know that. No, no. All I can do is give you the phone number for the reception area in Brisbane. Okay. Now, if you want to ring them up on Monday morning, you can just say you left a parcel that's wrapped in Gladwrap and they'll see if they've got it handed in. Okay. If your cab drivers just starts taking more drugs, or I'm going to have to take a further button and take it up the operating chain and that because like that's illegal. Okay. Like even if you think like it's illegal and that, you don't allow to test it and that and I'm saying it's heart medication so you can't say it's drugs, right? I am not saying it is. If someone's taking more drugs, right, I get to take it up the command chain up to your boss, right, and say that you've taken my heart medication and that's in the law, I read that in the law, mate. So you can't go sign it out, right? What I am saying is anything that is lost, you can phone the police at any time and... No, the coppers won't know shit. The coppers will fucking think I'm fucking something drugged, something shit and fucking telling me I'm fucking bad or something shit. What the hell do you think you sound like now? Oh, what do you mean, though? I'm just trying to get me belongings back, trying to get a Saturday night, you know what I mean? I'm working hard. You are not listening to a thing I'm saying. Bloody cab drivers bloody stolen off me, bloody off me family or bloody pay and put food on the bloody table. I've got two two-year-olds. If you will be quiet for two minutes and listen to me, I will tell you what to do. All right, look, I'll calm down. I'm sorry, all right, look. Yes, thank you. Just take my medications. I'm not accusing anyone of anything. You're the one that's talking about all illegal stuff. No, I respect that. No, I respect that. No, you're right. Thank you. Now, the phone number you need to ring on Monday morning. Right. Okay, double three... Mate, write that down. Can you write that down? Write that down. One second, my mate's just a bit fucking... All right. As sick. Look what he done there, right? Listen, I respect that. You've come up behind you and you've sort of turned right, and you've backed yourself, right And it's taken me a bit and I'm a bit like... I step back and respect level has gone up massively. You need to know you don't you don't a good thing either not down, right? I'm gonna give my body and see how we go but nothing but respect for you And if you're in front of me right now, I'll give you a big big bloody handshake mate because now on honestly Unreal job. No, and I mean that you take that to bet home tonight, right? You take that home Okay, now I also suggest that you ring black and white and ask them What their lost property depot number is and ring them on Monday morning, okay? Right they can't call me but they can't fucking call me if I've lost something on in their property. Well, it doesn't mean It depends if they can find the taxi Right, you were in but if he didn't run the meter, we can't find the taxi No, I'll see that now, right? I've just done a check in my head and that makes sense what you just said Yeah, it's just clicks clicked in like Lego blocks clicking together. I get it If they run the meter we can trace where they are and we can pick which cab And and there's too many people just paying up front and there's no meter and I know mate It's bloody. It's bloody shocking these days day. That's first thing they ask me It's the first thing they fucking say to me. They go or what you got pay cash or car first thing Oh, they get all jumping the fuck yeah, I'm not made. I'll just fucking go in mate She's straight away Okay, so yeah, give it gives black and white a ring on Monday or even before then and find out what number to ring If they've taken my stuff black and white, I'm gonna be play for you man I'll call you back and we'll fucking have a bitch session be on my because that's unreasonable right if they take my shit That's so fucked. I'll be waiting for them to call if you've given me Lost property number from your joint right and I respect that yeah boys have my upright respect down to the day To the day I die but black and white if they've misplaced my shit. I'll be fucking thin Okay, well give it a go and see see how you go. No, I don't know. I don't have a great weekend or I'll buddy check you later on Does that mean we've got a number for next week. Yeah, that's why I wrote that as I didn't come That's her number. That's the last property number property number. Oh, that's perfect. I can just say that I've lost heapsy shit That's like another five prank calls Rhonda can call on what can call say lost his lefty's pig in a cab Goes on Darren is a poet, dude Obviously the the fucking hold times were very long then so just cut down where possible leave some of the singing if it's funny enough I'll leave that to you Yeah, there was a good song in there, but other than that guys that is the end of episode number 21 I'm off fucking bowling and dinner now babies tea. We did a baby hole in one shit in the bed and kidney stones It's been a good week See you guys next week. We're the best