 Y254. Imagine. Very good evening to you. I hope you've had a lovely day. We are coming to you live from Nairobi, Kenya. It has been a beautiful day, Leo. And we are hosting you tonight on the Power Talk Show. Thank you so much for sticking to Y254. My name is Sherry Blessing. I am your host tonight and I want us to have a conversation that so many people do not truly talk about enough. We want to understand how we can become better women. Now, being a woman in this day and time is very, very hard to describe. Because people have changed the gender roles, gender identities have been transformed and we just want to understand what is being a woman, what does femininity entail and how can we become better women. So I want to talk to you on our social media platforms at Y254 TV. And as we progress with the conversation, you can share your questions, ask any questions that you have. If you have a comment, you can let us know. And live in studio tonight to have this conversation with me, I am joined by Belinda Odiambo, who is a transformational coach and a speaker. Karibu Belinda. Thank you so much, Sherry. You're welcome. And you look lovely tonight. And right next to Belinda is another lovely lady. We have Sharon Kiki Gikundo, who is a creative and a student as well. You're welcome. Thank you so much. So as you can tell, on set, it's full of ladies. And we want to express our journey, our own individuals, understanding of what it means to be a woman, how we can become better women and how we can help society understand what it means to be a woman and what it means to have feminine energy. So go on our social media platforms, which is at Y254. On Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, we have a post that you can write your comments on. If you have any questions, you can ask us and we will sample that as we progress. You can also find me on my personal pages, which is at Sharon Blessing. So I think to kickstart the conversation, I want to understand your personal understanding of what it means to be a woman. So we can start with you Belinda. What does being a woman mean to you? A woman to me means a womb carrier. That is a man. Man is a species, but with a womb. So I carry life. I am a co-creator with God. To me, that's what a woman means. I like the way you say that, because then you've taken the womb carrier and you've added the womb to the man. And that is very important, because in this day and time, so many people identify as women and they were born as men and vice versa. So the way you've described that, that is the most traditional way of describing what a woman is. Sharon, what about you? What do you think it means to be a woman? I would say a similar thing. To me, to be a woman is, it means a womb. And not just as a... I'm still young, not married, but I feel being a woman is a home to, you know, your partner, your children, your siblings. So even your own parents at times, they look up to you as a woman and consider you a home. Nice. That's also really good. You're a home to the community, because women have the energy of being caring and nurturing all these things that compliment the masculinity in the man. So I want to understand, because you know, we are born into being women and we do not really, there's no initiation in this day and time. We just told, oh, you're born, you're a lady, you're a girl, and therefore you become a woman. Yes. So Belinda, did anyone teach you how to become a woman? Not necessarily, but when I was growing up, my mom from time to time could tell us how women are supposed to behave, the way we are supposed to sit, the way we are supposed to talk, and the daily chores that women are supposed to undertake. But other than that, I think that it is something natural. Being a woman is natural. You don't have really to be taught, but someone can mentor you or guide you to have the right morals and just behavioral patterns as opposed to manhood. But what you've just said is that we find ourselves women, that is true. No one chooses to be a man or a woman. According to God's plan, we are supposed to be men or we men. You cannot just grow up and then one day you decide, you know, I'm tired of this body, I want another body. Yes. As a Christian, that is what I believe, yeah. And I like the way you've said that, because the reality we live in today is people wake up and they say, I identify as a woman. I identify as a man. There was someone who even transformed and became a dog, which took me by, yes, it took me by surprise, because now people can choose to say I am a woman. But what it truly means is that's the thing that we're trying to figure out. So Sharon, what does femininity embody for you, for you to identify as a feminine person? What does it mean to you? What I would say is for me to identify as a feminine or femininity to me is how you carry yourself out, the people you relate with and everything surrounding you. For example, you can say right now, as much as people want to identify different things. I know I'm a woman and just being in the female body doesn't mean everyone is a woman. So being a woman is how you carry yourself out. That's what I'm saying too. Your mannerisms. I like that, because it's your mannerisms because there are women who are truly masculine because they carry, they embody the energy of masculinity. And there are men who have feminine characteristics. So it's your mannerisms that identify you as feminine or masculine. And now in line with that, can we learn? Because where exactly do we go and identify and say, this is how to become a better woman? This is how I can become feminine? This is how I can become more elegant? In this day and time, Belinda, where can we find resources like that? We have mentors, we have coaches. We can also learn from our peer groups because you are as good as the company that you keep. If you hang out with people who have bad mannerisms, automatically that is what you will embrace. So check on your circle, check on what you hear, what you listen to, what you watch, what you read, because this inform our behaviors. Sometimes we are not born that way because most of the things that we are born with is fear of hang, that is hungry, fear of being hungry, and then fear of falling. But with time, you will get to behave in a certain manner because of our environment. So there are things that we learn through our environment because our behaviors are affected by nature, nature, and choice. Nature is how you are born, you are born in a woman's body. Then nature is how you are brought up by your parents. So if you have parents who keep you around boys and they hardly take time to talk to you and teach you on how to become a woman, sometimes it starts behaving like a boy. And then choice comes in when someone just decides to behave that today I'm a man or I'm a woman or I'm a fish or a dog just as you have said. Yes. Yes. So all these things will influence it. And I like the way you've said that because truly in this day and time, we are influenced by the media we watch. The digital platforms that we are frequently on, if it's Instagram and I watch Kylie Jenner, then I'm most likely going to embody her traits. So the media that we are exposed to, the people that we surround ourselves with are what influence our characteristics. So there's no classes that are therefore how to be feminine, how to be a woman. It's just you have to choose to be a certain way by the media that you're exposed to. Now that being said, we have this gender roles. And there's the traditional gender roles. And women are supposed to be in the kitchen. You're cooking, you're cleaning, you're burying children and that's it. But then now we've come to an age where women are in corporate worlds. They're the CEOs and they're embodying the roles that were traditionally male dominated. So has that influenced our femininity in some way? Has it changed the way we become or we express our femininity? Sharon, what are your thoughts on that? What I can say is that it has somehow affected us because you find the modern woman as much as we have to seek masculinity and that's something that most people don't agree with or recognize. As much as we have to seek masculinity, let's be honest, there's also toxic feminism. So it has gotten to a point that the modern woman is very woke and that there are things, I feel like as much as we are trying to promote equality, let's be honest, it's equity. Because at the end of the day, if I want to change a bulb, I'm a four, five babe, there's no way I'm gonna do it. So I need a man in my life to help me with that. But at the same time, there's that collision between the men and women because as much as there's the toxicity part, I feel like the modern woman knows what she wants and stands by it. Yes, I like that. You've brought about a topic that I want us to touch on later on in the conversation, toxic femininity. Because we like to talk about toxic masculinity, but we miss out on the fact that we also as women have some traits that are toxic. So in line with that, we are empowered. Women these days are empowered to have a voice because in the past people couldn't say, I want to do this, I want to do that because you do not have that empowerment. So that empowerment has caused some friction and it has caused a lot of disagreement between the genders and we need to get to an understanding. So what gender roles are we supposed to play in this modern times? Belinda, what do you think of the gender roles we should still play in this day and time? Before I answer that, I also still believe that women tend to abandon themselves when they get married. As a young girl, you have all the dreams. You wanna be this, I wanna be a hostess, I want to be a pilot, I want to be a doctor. Then at some point, you get married before you achieve your dreams. Then you drop all your dreams. Anytime you're having a conversation, my husband, my children, my in-laws, I'm going to cook biryani, I'm going to do this. It's all about in-laws, husbands, children, and the other part of the community. Where did you abandon yourself as a woman? So this also makes someone to be bitter as opposed to getting better. And we are here because of becoming better, not to become bitter. So as a woman, we should not abandon ourselves. But even if we abandon ourselves, it is not yet late. We can pick up ourselves, go back, revisit, go to your memory lane, think about what happened and how did you drop yourself? Then start collecting yourself. Become one with yourself. Become one with your spirit, your soul and your body so that we don't just see the body operating with the husband, in-law and children, but all your dreams are faded. Yes, so back to your question. You're asking about the roles. So I think women should be allowed to choose the career path they wanna go to. They should be allowed to choose the roles that they wanna do in the house. But the basic ones like taking care of the family because women, naturally, are naturalist. We are the ones who take care of the home. We take care of the children. We take care of the husband emotionally. That is not that I'm supposed to iron all the days to make me a woman. I'm not Adobe. And then, yes. And then there's the option of me treating you once in a while by cooking. That is why we have house managers to support us as career women. You should not subject your woman to cooking daily yet she's at work. Right now, you're doing something here, right? You're hosting the show. If you had a husband, do you have a husband? That's a question for another day. She's very single, by the way. No. Yes, but imagine after hosting this show, then you find your husband seated on the couch at around maybe 11, waiting for you to cook a galley. That's not fair. Go there with pizza if you don't have a house manager. Yes, there's that option. And let's embrace technology to help us as women to make our roles easier. There's a reason as to why we have tech. Tech helps us to make our roles easier. Yes. And I like the way you've said that because what you started with is important. We neglect ourselves in relationships, not just in marriage. You find that most women get into relationships and they prioritize the man over themselves. And that's going to be our next conversation. But what you said about gender roles, you have to discuss with your partner, you have to come to an understanding and say, this is what I can do on a Monday to Friday because I'm busy, I'm at the offices, well as you are. So you have to come to an understanding and then work together. That's one thing I like about what you've said. Now, what about the girls who say, me miss Yezi and Kupika, me Kona Makucha, me Missifu and Ginguo. Because you know, Sharon, young ladies these days have this ideologies of soft life. But Kona Makucha, Nunua washing machine. Yes. The way you said utilizing technology. Nice. And you know, I think each person, each lady has to discuss with their partner before getting into long term commitments so that you understand what you're willing to do and what you're willing to compromise on because that is the thing that causes conflicts in relationships. And that takes us to our next part. Women in relationships, how can we become better partners? Because if you come into a relationship and you expect the man to play his traditional roles but you're not willing to play your traditional roles, then how is that going to work? Sharon, what do you think about that? Because most young ladies have that ideology. They do not want to be the traditional woman but they expect a traditional man. That is a topic that might get to a heated debate because I feel like there's a disconnection in the modern women, in that you see right now in relationships if I can speak not really from fast-hand experience but from experience, you find that a lady is looking for a man and they expect them to provide for them, give them money, and then you're saying, I could never. But at the same time, in my own experience, I would never play wifey duties for a boyfriend because at the end of the day I feel like it's what we towards partners contribute in each other's lives because if you show me you care and, you know, because I feel for a woman, when a woman loves you, you don't need to tell her to do anything for you. And women are big gifters in that if you truly care for me and love me genuinely, then I'll do anything to make you happy and I'll always reciprocate without feeling, you know, any, I don't feel like I'm being forced or I'm getting manipulated as most people say. So I feel like we need to, you know, know each other and when you get in a relationship, recently so someone say social media has gotten us to a point that we feel like we can do it on our own but in reality, we need each other. Men and women, we need each other as much as we feel, you know, the woman feels, for me, yeah, I wanna be an independent lady and everything but I really need a man, I need companionship in my life so as much as we aim for, you know, independence, but I feel like at the end of the day, we need one another. Yes. That's what Belinda- I want to add on what she's just said. Yes. If you're getting into a relationship, make sure that you start it on a note that is sustainable because if you start washing either your husband or your boyfriend's handkerchiefs and in-a-wares from day one, you will wash it forever. So be very clear that this is what I can do and this is what I want to tolerate. Yes, because sometimes when we want to create an impression when we are getting into a relationship, we are all good. You are asked to do this. Yes, sir, you go do it. Brush my shoes, you know, you're doing, you're going out of your way to do things that ordinarily you don't like to do. So do something that you can do for the rest of your life. Don't create an impression. Then after three months or four months down the line, you change. So be very clear when you're getting into a relationship. Yes, and like what you've said, create sustainable habits. Yes. Start on a note that you're going to maintain. There was another gentleman who said the exact same thing. He was talking to the gents and he was saying you can't start taking her to a five-star restaurant and then three months later we're going to get married. It's not sustainable. And you see what Sharon said, at a girlfriend level, if you start doing wife roles, if you start being a wife, the man will see that this is who you are and they will take it and run with it. So if you start changing and saying, no, now I'm a girlfriend, you're exploiting me, you already set the pace. So you have to be very clear. Back at home, if you're dating someone, start on a note that you know you will maintain. Be sustainable as you progress. So I want us to go on a very, very short break on that note and when I come back, I want us to talk about dating multiple people, dating sponsors because we have people who are doing that. So stay tuned. Go to our social media platforms at Y254. We want to understand what are the qualities of a better woman. Share some of your comments. Ask us any question and we'll sample that as we progress with this show. Stay tuned. This is Power Talk and my name is Sherry Lee Blessing. Y254, imagine.