 Hello everyone Hello family Welcome to another Narc Survival Live video, and in this one we do have a very interesting topic Speaking about How the narcissist is haunted By your absence Yes, believe it or not And you may be thinking well They sure have a funny way of showing it After how they treated you And how they just left you Like you never meant anything to them So of course you may be thinking How could they be haunted By my absence or by anything that I have done or that they have done You may be thinking that And that is why I am here today to shed some light on this Because yes, believe it or not The narcissist is Haunted by your absence But keep in mind This isn't so much to do with you As we know they do lack a effect of empathy So they have the inability to feel what you feel Or to understand or share your feelings and experience And by that I mean That these feelings that they feel are for themselves and they are not for you Narcissist are shame-based people who are doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame And any action or behavior that a person commits Regardless of whether that person is a narcissist sociopath psychopath Or even someone with no personality disorder at all Anyone who commits a certain action or behavior And it is bad or wrong By doing that it will carry a lot of guilt and shame And this is something that a person cannot Diminish or eradicate It will carry on throughout their lives And yes, narcissists are no exception to this rule So by treating you in that way It caused them to feel a lot of guilt and shame Not so much remorse. They don't feel like they have to Come back and correct anything with you Or rather they may feel that impulse but they won't do it Because instead they will try to justify it. They will try to rectify their Disturbed internal condition With external Sources and they may do this by just running away From it running away from you Acting like nothing happened acting like nothing was wrong But they did But then you got to look at it like If this was a situation that you didn't really care about Why would you run off and do a smear campaign? Why is it so important for you to Create this narrative and paint me in a bad light If it doesn't affect you if it doesn't bother you Then why would you care so much? Enough to do that And that's how you've got to look at it. That's how you've got to think But then also understand that it isn't really about you It's their actions And The guilt and shame that is carried with that They feel a lot of guilt and shame In response to how they have treated you and it doesn't matter what they look like on the outside It doesn't matter what they're trying to display to you As I said narcissists are no exception to this rule And in fact they may feel shame far more than a normal person In fact they do They are shame-based people who are doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame So they feel shame a lot more than normal people do And so they're going to respond to it in such an extreme way To where it may make them want to abuse you even more As I've spoken about in past videos They have this shame rage abuse cycle They feel shame As a result of their actions And then they rage and then they abuse you And then because of the abuse They feel more shame and it just carries on again and again So of course They are haunted by your absence Because while you're around it's a lot easier for them to justify it They can look at it like What if I'm so bad Why are you still here? Why didn't you leave? But then when you do leave What can they tell themselves then? Because if there was nothing wrong if you were happy Why would you go? Which makes it very difficult for them to cover up their shame And then it resurfaces And then that's where they go off and run a smear campaign And they try to cause all sorts of problems for you to create this false narrative and justify Their feelings of shame and their actions This is why they do all of that. It's because of your absence It's because you're not there And then they're left to their own devices. They're forced to accept That something clearly went wrong no matter how much they try to deny it or cover it up Because it's like Why did you leave? Why didn't you stay with them? And of course, they're not completely blind They are aware of that as well It will cross their mind They will be thinking about it because while you're there They use it to justify what they're doing to you And that's literally the narrative that runs through their mind It's that If they were so bad And if the abuse was so harmful to you and you couldn't tolerate it And you didn't want to accept it Then why are you still there? Why haven't you left? It's exactly what runs through their mind That's how they think That's how they justify it So of course when you do leave it makes it very difficult For them to justify it Because no more can they have this narrative Of Why are you still here? Why didn't you leave? Now you're gone you've left So what can they tell themselves now they have to accept That their behavior is bad abusive wrong Intorrible unacceptable And naturally that will resurface their shame But even then it's still all about themselves They don't feel bad for you It's more just them feeling like an inherently bad person Because remember they are narcissists It's still all about them And it will always be all about them It's never going to be about you And even in some situations where they do come back Or try to love bomb you Even then it's not about you Even when they're giving you fake apologies False epiphanies Doing whatever they can to try to make you happy Even when they're doing all about it's still all about themselves It's all about just trying to alleviate the guilt and the shame From feeling like what they did was wrong And that guilt and shame is so strong It's so Powerful That sometimes even if it ended bad And all of these things went wrong and they burnt the bridge Or they felt like you burnt the bridge with them And they told all of these things about you to other people They started to smear campaign Despite all of that They may still try to come back and love bomb you again And give you the false apology The fake epiphanies They may still come back and do that Because if there's one thing That really plays in their mind And gets them more than anything else Even more than their false image And reputation Yes, believe it or not There is something that Has more power Over a narcissist Than their own Perception of the image reputation And how people see them There's something that has more power Over than that And that is Their feelings of Shame Of feeling like they're bad Of feeling like they've done something wrong Even if they can Sustain this false image of themselves They still have these feelings inside of them And these feelings Dictate their every Action and behaviour It dictates the rest of their lives Whether they like it or not Because as we know they do not self reflect They do not introspect They do not look within To acknowledge the pain And the shame that they feel So it runs their lives and all they can do Is try to Manage people in the external Environment In an attempt to tame it In an attempt to suppress it And keep it down Yes, the shame runs a narcissist Life Even more Than their need to sustain their False image The feelings of shame come before that And in fact That's the whole point of the false image That they begin with It's because they feel these feelings of shame So yes The narcissist Is Haunted by your absence But even then You must remember that they are self absorbed And they lack empathy These feelings Are still just for themselves They are not for you It's just that they feel bad They feel wrong They feel like they didn't do something right They feel like they were abusive And that's why they feel shame That's why they're haunted by your absence Because it's like If what they did wasn't bad If it wasn't wrong, if it was an abusive Then why are you not still there Why did you go Why did you leave Why aren't you still with them It's how they're gonna see it That's how they think about it So what do you do now Now that you know this Now that you're aware of it What I would advise Is not to let it dictate your behaviour To where you end up feeling sorry for them Or you end up taking them back Of course that is not a good idea Because remember these feelings Are for themselves They're not for you It's not about you They're not triggered It may be caused By what they did to you And how they treated you But even then it is still about them And it is never going to be about you And it's because they lack empathy Especially Affect of empathy An inability to feel What other people feel So they can't put themselves in your shoes They can't share Your experience That's Especially understanding how their shame Works and how it can trigger them To abuse you even more You should most definitely stay far away Because they may just Come back to abuse you even more Remember they can't feel what you feel And that means that they can harm you And it won't cause them any pain Although it may It will rather trigger their shame It will trigger their shame And it will perpetuate the cycle To where they will desire to abuse you Even more Or to abuse someone else So definitely important things to be aware of And I know a lot of people say That our success Will never be haunted Or even think about Anything that they've done To their victims But this really isn't true at all Narcissists are shame Based people It's a shame based disorder With no shame There is no disorder And while they may be In denial A lot of this is unconscious As I said these feelings of shame Dictate that every thought Feeling action and behaviour It dictates The rest of their lives So definitely some food for thoughts On this topic And now I'd like to take a moment To look through the live chat Read out any questions That any of you may have And then give My detailed response To them So let me know down below Any questions That you may have And it could be on this topic Or another topic Whatever it is And I will read it out And then I will give you My detailed response Aisha asks Is silent treatment Multiple times Indicative of a COVID narcissist? I mean You can't Really just take One behaviour To determine Whether or not you're dealing With a COVID narcissist But that's not to say that COVID narcissist Won't give their victims the silent treatment Of course they will That is Indicative of a COVID narcissist But even then There's got to be the other traits And behaviours as well Although yes that is something A COVID narcissist would do Possibly They're more likely to do it Than a narcissist Fly for your ex says Every action from them is shameful Yeah that's so true A lot of things that they do Are very shameful But this is how their disorder works Because they can engage in shameful behaviours As a means Of deflecting their shame On to you So although it may seem as though What they're doing is shameful They're using it On to you So that you carry the shame Asher asks Why do they always think They are always right And everyone else is wrong They're in denial And the denial Is To protect Their fragile True self You see they're very vulnerable within And a long time ago And their childhood they were made to feel Like they were wrong And from that point on they decided That they never want to feel that way again So they decided to take on This authoritative And self righteous role Which as we know Is the false self and the false self Is meant to be perfect Nothing they do is wrong Because even if they did just one thing wrong That would open the floodgates To everything else that they've done in the past And they just can't deal with that Because they're trying to deflect their shame So of course They've got to shift the blame onto you They've got to hold you accountable For everything and they can't be wrong At all So that is why They have to think that they're always right And that everyone else Is wrong It's to protect And defend The false self Jay Linn asks is it unusual For a narcissistic person to come back If they said Not to contact them anymore With narcissists Very few things Are unusual I mean they will try anything They will do whatever it takes To come back into your life Despite what they may have said before Even if they burnt the bridge Even if they start a smear campaign against you Even if it looks like they've moved on And they've gotten married And they've started a family With someone else That still doesn't rule out The possibility that they may come back And I'm sure there's people Who are watching this video right now Who may have dealt With a narcissist who did just that Or some of you may have dealt With narcissists who came back Decades later After maybe they got divorced And they may have been married For 10, 20 years And then they came back and hoovered So yeah nothing's really unusual with narcissists Expect that unexpected A Rani asks Why are the narcissists addicted To disrupting your life After you leave All the narcissists behind Again that comes back to their denial And to protect and defend The false self To do that you have to create this false narrative About how you were wrong And something was wrong with you Something was bad about you And you caused all of these problems for them So then they used that as justification To lash out at you But all the while This is just to protect and defend Their false self Because of what happened in their childhood They were bad, they were wrong And they never wanted to feel that way ever again So now they have to be on the other end of it They have to be the one Who tells you what is right and wrong And tells you What you're doing So now they have to be the judge Dury and the executioner They have to be in denial To protect their fragile ego When it's really just to cover up the fact That they actually have no Morals or values at all They don't really believe in anything And that's what causes them to attach to you But they're really just going out of their way The hell bent on destroying you Even while you're just trying to leave them behind And move on So that's why they do that Lynette asks how do you get help From their harassment from fly monkeys Without you looking crazy Fly monkeys can be difficult to deal with I have done some videos On how to destroy The narcissist and their fly monkeys So I definitely recommend Checking those out But yeah these fly monkeys Can be very dangerous I would say that Most fly monkeys Most gang stalkers They tend to be mentally ill themselves They're bound to have some Class to be disorder And that is what causes them to stalk And harass you So definitely be cautious Around them because they can be very dangerous You never know what they're going to do And many of them will hold on To you for their lives You can try to get away You can move to a different city You can move to a different country You can even move to the other side of the world And they will still be on your case They will not let you Just move on And get away Because they've still got these Unresolved feelings That's the whole point of the False narrative It's to cover up how they Feel about themselves inside It's to distract themselves From their emotional pain And from their shame As a result of what They have done to you So that's all that it really is An absolute denial And if they weren't in denial Then they wouldn't be so narcissistic And they would probably just leave you alone So a lot of this is because Of their denial and their justifications Of the abuse Anyway That's it for this video But I do hope That you found it helpful But if you did You can give it a thumbs up down below To show your support It will take you just two seconds But it is very important As it helps the YouTube algorithm To get this message out there To other survivors who may need to see it So please Hit that thumbs up button down below Show your support And let me know your thoughts In the comment section I read your comments every day Hit that subscribe button Click all notifications And then you will be notified When I upload a new video And if you would like to donate You can leave a super chat Or a super thanks in the comment section You can donate through my PayPal It is paypal.me You can book a session with me On my website It is narcsurvivor.co.uk And you can also Follow me on Instagram It is Narc Survival YouTube Alright thank you all for joining me On another Narc Survival Live video I appreciate your support And as always I look forward to speaking with you In another one very soon