 In the last two and a half years, I've had 65 people in my life die. Yeah, 65. And I keep getting asked to do videos about grief and loss, but I keep avoiding it. But today we're going to be talking about it. And hopefully I can provide you or someone you know, with some tips, suggestions, and tools so you can work through it. All right, so make sure that you stay tuned. What's up, everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul, where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And yeah, grief sucks and grief is hard. But most of all, grief is inevitable. Like sometimes we latch on to this idea or we just avoid the topic of death or you know, we think that maybe the people we know aren't going to die and maybe we'll never die. And we just don't even got to think about it. But this is an inevitable part of life. And it sucks. It really does. And that's one of the reasons why we don't talk about it. Hey, it's one of the reasons why you guys keep asking me to make videos on it. And I never make videos on it, right? But anyways, like I mentioned in the beginning of this video, like I've dealt with 65 people in the last two and a half years dying around me. And I wanted to make this video to hopefully help you out. So please, please, please, if you get anything of value from this video, like please share it, share it on social media, because someone you know is dealing with this or they're going to deal with this, you know, we never know when it's going to happen. So please share it so maybe we can help some more people. But anyways, like I was talking to a buddy of mine, Dr. Alex, he's done some guest videos on my channel. He's a vet. He has a channel called our pets health. I will link to it in the description and in the info card. Go check it out and subscribe to your pet owner. A bunch of awesome tips if you have a cat or a dog or anything like that. All right, but I don't like doing videos unless I'm well versed on therapeutic techniques and all these things to deal with it. And this is something I'm not well versed in with like, you know, scientific solutions. But I was talking to Dr. Alex and you know, when he found out how many people I've had die in my life, he's like, man, maybe you're the perfect person to talk about this. And I guess I am, I guess I'll talk about it. Like, I often sit back and wonder like how have I not had like a mental breakdown or psychotic episode with so much death. And I hope that this video can help you out. But some of you who follow my channel, if you subscribe to me, if you've been around for a while, you know that I'm a recovering drug addict and alcoholic by simply getting clean and meeting other people battling with their addictions and trying to stay sober. I immediately entered a world where people were going to die around me. But I also work my day job at a drug and alcohol treatment center. So in this video, I'm going to be focusing on those deaths, but I will make some other videos for those of you out there who have lost friends and family members and things like that. I've dealt with that as well. One of my best friends passed away at 24 years old, my grandma, who I love more than anything she passed away a couple years ago. But I do want to talk about addiction and all the people I've lost to both overdoses and alcohol related deaths, as well as suicide. Like when I make these videos, I hope you guys enjoy them and watch them and try to learn more about topics that may not include your specific issues because I try to create some empathy. And as a recovering drug addict myself, like I get it like a big chunk of these are suicides because in our addiction, our brain, our brain is hijacked. The survival part of our brain is hijacked and tells us you need drugs and alcohol to have some sort of a decent life, right? But it destroys our life. So a lot of people after you take away the drugs and alcohol, some of them can't see far enough ahead into the future to realize that their life can get better. And unfortunately, sometimes they take their own life. You know what I mean? And I get that. Like if I'm being honest with you, my first month, two months of being clean and sober, I was very suicidal. I was like, how am I going to survive? Like I didn't want to do it. You know what I mean? So like I get it. And like I want to talk to you guys about some of the things that have greatly helped me avoid sitting in self pity, sitting in grief. You know, like I always say, we talk about the problem, but we focus on the solution. So the first thing I want to suggest to all of you, and it's something that was very hard for me, is like I have to be able to feel my feelings. I have to let my feelings run their course. This is one of the main reasons why I tell you all to go out there and just start meditating, even five or 10 minutes a day, because not so much the meditation practice, but understanding what meditation is about. Meditation is about non-judgmental awareness. So whether we're sad or angry or confused or whatever it is, like we just feel our feelings. If we don't feel our feelings, they manifest in other ways. Maybe it's isolation and I'm not being a friend to my friends. I'm not coming around. Maybe I'm sleeping on the couch all day when my son wants to play all these other things. Maybe I'm having violent outbursts or anger and things like that because I'm not feeling my feelings. Like it's okay to feel feelings. Like I'm a grown-ass man and like sometimes I don't want to feel sad, but sometimes like I just have to cry. And on the other hand too, I have to acknowledge that I'm not in control of this thing and my brain is going to feel what it wants, when it wants, and sometimes I just feel nothing and I can't judge myself for not feeling anything. Like some of these people who have died around me, I talked to them less than 24 hours before they passed away. I think about that for a second. I talked to them on the phone or through a text message or on Facebook or Twitter or something like that and within less than 24 hours, I find out that they're dead, you know? And sometimes it's just a shock to me and sometimes I don't react the way I think I should react and it's not crying and it's not feeling anything, but maybe later it just, it hits me, right? But meditation and mindfulness allows me to just acknowledge what's happening right now and not judge myself for it, okay? So cut yourself a break and just let yourself feel some feelings no matter what they are. The next suggestion I have for you is to cut yourself some slack. Like this is why I've made videos a lot, a lot of videos, about really focusing on the things that you can and cannot control, okay? Like I would not be able to do what I do. I wouldn't be able to work at a rehab. I wouldn't be able to make these YouTube videos and talk to you all in private messages and other people in my life who deal with depression or addiction or anything like that. If I had a false idea that I'm in control of the situation, I understand within the depths of my being that I cannot make anybody stay clean. I cannot make anybody stay sober. I cannot prevent anybody from committing suicide, but I hyper-focus on the things I can control because some of us can just look at that and say, oh, I can't control that, right? I just won't do anything about it. No, that's not what it's about. It's about hyper-focusing on what I can control. And that's why I go to work. I go to work every single day with a huge smile on my face and having a good time because I live an amazing life and that's why I make these videos and they're energetic and they're fun and I try to intertwine jokes and things like that because what I can control is let all of you know that five and a half years ago, I was trying to kill myself. I was suicidal. I was taking handfuls of pills every single night, hoping I wouldn't wake up in the morning, but for some reason I kept waking up. So I've been there. I've been suicidal. I've wanted to die, but now I live this incredible life. I hope that some of you out there are watching this or some of you who are in my groups that rehab and stuff. I hope that people see me and say, you know what? That guy used to be a hot mess. He used to be a depressed, just hopeless person, but now he's living this incredible life and he always has a smile on his face and he's energetic and all these things and like, I want you to think like, man, I want that. What do I have to do to get that? Then you watch my videos or you listen to what I say and you're like, wow, maybe if I do the things that he's saying, maybe I can get that too. That's what's in my control. That's why I try to do all of these things with 100% passion. I have so many people who talk to me. They see what I'm doing on YouTube. They see what I'm doing on Instagram and Twitter and all these other things. They see how much I work. They see all the things I do with my son and my girlfriend, that Chris, how are you not burnt out because I am so passionate about maybe maybe giving one of you out there just a little bit of hope, just a little bit of hope that maybe your life can get better. That's how I never get burnt out. That's why I'm always telling you to share my videos, because maybe someone is just sitting there completely hopeless and they'll watch one of these things and say, you know what? If that guy can do it, so can I. These are the things that are in my control, all right? So cut yourself some slack, like know what's in your control and not in your control. Like things that might be in your control, calling your depressed friend once a day or texting them and saying, how are you doing? That is in your control. Like being there for people. If you walk past somebody at work who looks like they're down in the dumps, like go talk to them. Ask them how they're doing. See if there's anything you might be able to help with. These are all things that are in your control. One of the things that drives me to keep helping more and more people is that I don't want to have any regrets. If somebody dies tomorrow or commits suicide in the next week, like I want to know that I did something. You know what I'm saying? Because if all these deaths have taught me anything, it's that life is precious and life is short. And some of us, we die very unexpectedly. So I want to make sure that I'm out there doing my best to help people in any way that I can. And the last suggestion I have for all of you is honor their memory. Honor their memory. And here's what I mean by that. Like for all the people I've lost, I honor their memory by living life. When we're dealing with grief, we want to curl up in a ball and shut out the world and just not do anything and just sit and sit and sit and be stuck in this thing. And yes, that's okay. I know I was just saying, feel your feelings, but there's got to be a limit on it too. Like I feel, for me personally, it's disrespectful to their memory. Like so many people, so many people I've lost, we're talking about most of them were in their 20s, young, young people, right? Some of them in their 30s, some of them a bit older, but I try to live my life to the fullest every single day in honor of them, in honor of the opportunity that they weren't given. I'm a father to my son. I play with him. I have fun with him. I talk to him. I love when he calls me when he's over at his mom's house. We do things. I honor their memory by living life. I'm there with my girlfriend. I'm there for my mom, my dad, my sister, you know, my friends, all of you out there. I try to live life because I realize that if I curl up in a ball and I shut down, I cannot help anybody. And that to me, that to me personally is disrespecting their memory. You know, something that kind of motivates me when I am down, when the grief is really hitting me. Like I imagine like what if they were here like I was like a ghost right now. I'm like, what would they tell me to do? Would they be looking at me and say, yeah, Chris, you know what? I think they used to lay there in a ball right there and just not leave your room for days. Like, no, they would want me to go out and take advantage of this opportunity that they didn't have. All right. But anyways, like I said, like please share this video, please share it because someone you know is dealing with this or they're going to deal with this. We never know what's going to happen. All right. But I also want to hear from all of you. A lot of you out there have dealt with grief and I want this to be a community like please, please, please leave comments down below your suggestions. What have what has helped you with grief? What would you tell somebody who's lost somebody? Leave them down in the comments. So we have like a whole database of things that might be able to help other people. Okay. But anyways, if you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. And if you're new here, I'm always making videos about mental health. Make sure you subscribe. Most of the videos are here to help you anxiety and depression and things like that, but this was an important topic. And you can click or tap right there if you want to check out some other videos. But thanks for watching and I'll see you next time.