 Thank you for staying with us. If you just tuned in, this is OY254 Health and Lifestyle Wednesday tonight. We are talking about the foundation of a thriving marriage and so much to speak of, we will look into how one can learn to invest money, time and of course building the essential health of marriage to people. I'm speaking to Kapo here. I evangelist Charles Mutinda and Mary Koku, they will help us to put things into perspective. If you remember this year towards the end of last month we had something on social media that was driving couples. I have one here. They will tell us how they have been building the marriage. Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I want us to move straight to our discussion tonight since marriage is one of the components that is key in our day to day life and we've come to a point where people are giving up on marriages. Others want to be there but which is the way forward to begin with. What are essential things in a healthy marriage? I'll begin with you Charles. Thank you so much Miss Ailari and thank you for inviting us here. One of the key components in a thriving marriage is what we call communication. Communication is the backbone of every relationship. And when you say communication we are not talking about speaking. You know even silence it means a lot. Kama initagwa nil by mouth, me kusana na waifu na husband enda mongeleshani. There's a break down, that's a communication but there's a break down in the communication. So one of the key things is to align the communication sector in marriage. Try to understand your partner and communicate with her when she is mad, when he is mad, when things are working and when things are not working. Because you may be like even mad and my wife anantumia message na mimi na mpigia na asikisimu. That is communication but there is miscommunication. So it's important that you establish a good communication. Okay, let me hear from Annemarie. His piece of communication. Ni niki ngine? Yes, thank you for this opportunity. Communication, the other thing on top of communication is, can I say it? Yes, in top of communication, repeat the question please. Yes, it's important that you communicate with your partner when she is mad, when she is mad. Ni niki ngine, can I say it? Yes, it's important that you communicate with your partner when she is mad. Yes, it's important that you communicate with your partner when she is mad, when she is mad, when things are working and when things are not working. Ni niki ngine, can I say it? Yes, it's important that you communicate with your partner when she is mad. Charles, speaking of communication because this is one of the areas that has a problem in many people, it has to be two ways. But there is that person who has a problem in communicating in a certain way. And especially I want you to address an issue which is living with someone in knowledge and understanding. Yes. When we talk about communication, let's break it down to doggo, personality. I'm very talkative, I talk a lot. And there is only called sangwin, I'm a sangwin. Meaning we say two things, two stories, one guess. Because I don't know what to say. My wife on the other side, she's not a sangwin. She doesn't talk much, she's an analyst. I don't know what to say, I don't know the situation. So I have to find a way, how do we link together? When she is quiet, she is speaking. I don't know what to say. Am I speaking? Because I don't know what to say and then I'm talking nothing. So you have to know the personality. And this is, because you are talking about foundation, he's in the middle of itu ufanyika during dating and courtship. Kwelewana, kujo umse upenda nini, umse ulaiki aje, na nini in inforation, na nini ufanyi auongi, ama nini ufanyi. We are told ladies have moods. Makatuivi, mara mi change to gafla. You need to understand that. Saiza kukenye mood, mpa tietu taimi ake. Men, they don't have a mood, lakini kuna kukun, kuna kahigo. Menya maza tu, nini nini, akuna. Sometimes I'm just going through my own issues and then my wife is like, what is the problem? Ah, akuna. So that is communication. Because when she's asking, she's showing care. Wele upendo, ina oneka, ina onekana. So kamatujinsa ligusema, upendo, lazimo kwe. Understand upendo una kwa aje for a woman and for a man. As long as my wife and I am being upendo sana, it doesn't make sense like when she shows respect to me. And as much as in Neza, Neza mueshinum kewangu, if I don't tell her like now, maybe you look so beautiful, you're so elegant. But she's the only being in my kideri, my only sugar in my tea. So when I communicate such things, they are speaking to her. So understand the love language. Ni gifte gano kimpatiya, ineza kumpatiya. Ineza kumonyesha upelo. Actually, it brings me to that love language. But before then, Mary amesimaku su mazungum zoflani na niniwa wele unam juwa. Kuna watu wakiki kutana pamoja hawa juwangi ni jinsi gano takaviwa wasiliyana. Naku juwa mumewako, ama bibiako, huwa hivi. Did it take you long to understand him? Yes, thank you. When we met, we met some times back before we got married. So it didn't take me long because our relationship was long, long distance relationship. So we never see each other in many years. So I couldn't take long to understand him because we were communicating very well. We were so open, very well. Sikuana shida ya kumfaham, sikuana shida ya kumuerewa, sikuana shida ya... We linked. Alright, Charles, love languages. I understand they are on five and people understand them differently. Kuna kujifanya na kuna ukuelu amtu. How do you define that my partner is this kind and truly this is the path I should follow? One thing that defines us as a person, exposure. Mtu ame travel sana na mekwa exposed a kuna knowledge javitu mingi. But that doesn't mean that person is wise, doesn't mean that person a kuna betaku liku mingini. So one of the things is the challenge I have seen when I have been in a hotel and you look... and you look at them, kwa tu lasma kukuna date. Alafu mmsiana na spend time kwa kwa phone, mmsiana na spend time kwa phone, wana kula, wana oneshana emojis and then they leave. Then they spend like two hours. But what were they doing? Wali kwa tu kwenile, wana jo ele tu chatin but mtu haje take time kumfaham kumjuwa na unge haji, naka sirika haji, naka sirika haji. One of the things that is important to try to understand a person is to ask questions, know their background, know what they have been through. When they share, ask men it takes time to share. You just don't share. If I go with you from here to Kitali, we may only talk of futiball and politics. But who you na mwenzaki wo kipanda na inigari hapa by the time wana fika kino, in that way they are engaging in conversation. So one of the things to know the other person and what they love and what they appreciate and their love language is to engage them in communication. Send a guy a text and respond haji. I want to say it in a very opening. Men, the things they value, they give it time, they give it resources. Kama you are dating a person na kupati time, na kupati resources, that is a danger. Kwa sababu, kama na mwenzaki kia teitunza, tepeleka garage, kia teisafisha, kwa ni na secret time na wewe. So when we bring on time, somebody spending time, quantity time with you. Because when I spend time with you, 2 hours, I'm at 3 hours and we are doing nothing. So one of the things to establish is a V2. Nwa katimuna date, this is what the Bible says in Matthew chapter 7. It talks about a foundation. Good thing you brought the biblical aspect of her. Yes. Jesus said whoever listens to my words and obeys them is like a wise man who has built his house on a rock and when the storms come they will prevail. But who does not is like a foolish man who has built his house on a mud and when the storms come it is the same case with marriage. Build your marriage on a rock which is Christ, involve him have that forgiveness of heart. Men we have so much pain and we kuna liaga tukirudisha machozi nani nana tukiji fanya tukiji kausha sisi niwale wa sevatu. But you find in time that guy cracks. So we need to be able to speak and share and talk what is happening inside us. So that when you give this an opportunity to a woman she is able to let me demisfer something about me kwa. It is related to the foundation it is very key submissiveness and love. When a woman hears the word submissive it becomes healthy. Especially in the generation we are. But let me tell you it is a very clear point. It says for the man to love the woman and for the man to be submissive. Remember the man is the leader you are leading lead by love, commit I know there are few we let's not dispute there are few they will still not but the fact remains when you love a woman and you love her right she will submit. And this submissive we are not about I have married from Tanzania but they are my international husband married a beautiful lady here and where they come from they are made to nearly down his butt over there last time when we were we were like oh my goodness and she took a time for her to understand for me it is a culture shock I can't go take it through because to me that was not submissive that was slavery so when we say submissiveness it not the heart of just the woman just keeping quiet and just saying yes yes yes she has a voice she has her views she has what she wants and what she knows so when you are engaged in this way you are building a relationship that is leading to thriving the other thing is that when you are thriving in marriage you need to be forgivable and you need to be able to forgive a marriage belongs to two people for Samiana if you cannot forgive 6 men we emulate Christ and Christ said maze una pigesabu in a day so you need just this heart of forgiveness and for her we are told they are weaklings we are not saying they are weaklings in terms of wuki takaku beba iyo school una itaftage ulem tu anangubu kama yume so marriage kuna ikuo power it's just a way of leadership so lazima kukuna forgiveness let me hear from you Mary now that we've been told vitumigizani zina changia ku kujenga doa niman bomengi yana kuchangia ku kujenga doa javola kwanza tu kiazana kutokueliwa na yami matatizo kati kanda kutokueliwa na kutokueliwa na kutokueliwa na kutokueliwa na kutokueliwa na mawasirianu mazuri mawasirianu wei nyehafia alafu kuna kwa kupuwa tum swimsukai ni mera na kupuwa mamata kusim Woodoooo nasupeng힘, kulku wijamahiti cloth farmers kupilahuwe ma interveni Bitchuveru na hain nasuparing hi ma7 na kusim kwa kikazi na rizk combos e Bye. Kenya qu sana technologies hai kumjul sana emezi di utamaduni Kayu maranin gini kutuna kia na fanyakazi o mekuanao wana ji innyubuki wuchumi Kayu, una kutu evo vitu vinachandia san na kwi fanyandoa iyumbe Una kutu manami kia nenda kazini yana rudi sambiri usiku, satatu usiku ama choka eni sasa nha monao melabda ama choka aha wezi sairdiana sasa una kutu manami kani aza ku la rameka nha monao man washize Kwa yo iwi ovitu... En dbo mi aku na anda oku ka ku ongia matatizoia yahu ku ia... ...yani tutako issues... ...kamaizu isu, kidogo kidogo... ...fua yo na puta ndo wa inaiza Funchika... ...en ddo wa ni awatu awi di... ...malani hii kuna... ...Biboo verse nasema... ...malani hii ono ma meki darimia... ...wanasema... ...the foolish woman ndo anagi fintiya... ...nuna naka wini kama kuna kaka mwiili... ...vaka yini yuki jo ku ongalia... Io ime aza kutumika kama siraha, wano mwa naitumia kwa wama kekama siraha, kitombachu sii vizuri kwa sababu ndoa niya watua wedi. Lazi ma nini wa wedi wotempani kazi sawa, kwa kitisha ndoa ienu inasi mama. Okay. Actually, it allowed me to chip in. On what she has said, it's very true. When ndoa ime anguka, tunanga lege sana mama na mke, and the society blends the woman so much. Ah, wu ya chana yalio lewa kashinga. But look at the reality. The reality is, Maxwell says, everything rises and falls on leadership. A man who does not know to lead well will lead that marriage to failing. So if the foundation is not right through leadership, the man is not offering the right leadership. Io ndoe ita anguka. And kama tula liwi wa sehema. As much as the society is blaming the woman, sometimes we never go to hear the other side of the story. A woman who has given up in marriage, I am so sure she has done everything. She has gone to every pastor. She has seeked every opinion and everything. She has talked to so many people, but the time she is lifting up her hands, the truth is she has really tried. I'm not saying men are trying, they are trying. Alright, while at it, please give us one major problem you think is an impediment to a healthy marriage and a solution to that as we wind up. My ministry is called Laughter in Family. And one thing that we have been focusing on, we are looking at single mothers and young mothers and how we can help them shape their lives because they found them in a situation where they could not actually work. Most of these young mothers, whole single mothers, they never found themselves where they are. Things happened, it was a roller coaster and all of a sudden, the society needs to look at this also as a people who needs their support. Before, once someone gets divorced or becomes a single mother, what role men are we playing? What is a leader? What are you doing there in the forefront? I advise men learn to speak out, belong to a group of men who are able to open up and share and build you, but not in the club. You have to be a member of a church with a sound doctrine and focus on building. The other thing I can say in relation to making that this marriage works is a solution we should not neglect the place of prayer. It's not everything is a solution to prayer. Sometimes you just need to talk and say I'm sorry. So we need to learn and say I'm sorry. But we need to be praying for our marriages. We need to give our dedication to our due day. Just pray for your marriage. Pray for your spouse. Ladies don't wait until the man has gone out and then you start now praying and canceling and killing and chasing whatever demonizing that thing. Pray for this man before things get worse. The man also takes the leadership over of a prayer warrior. Maonia Mwisho? Maonia Mwisho. Maonia Mwisho marriage works with wisdom. Thank you for the hope. Thank you so much Charles and Miri. I wish you the very best in your marriage and as you try to make us understand here that marriage works we believe and I hope things will be better even in this particular era we are in of people who don't believe in marriages. Thank you so much for staying with us. They have been my guest. Charles Mutinda is an evangelist and fashion designer and Mary Coco. And my name is Dereva Hillary was sitting in for Patricia Muriuki Merry Christmas and happy new year. See you again when God allows us to be seeing you again next year same place until then enjoy your festive season goodbye and enjoy.