 Mother, is Maxwell House really the only coffee in the world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best. Since father knows best, transcribed in Hollywood starring Robert Young as father. A half-hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons, brought to you by Maxwell House. The coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee at any price. Maxwell House, always good to the last drop. You know, there are times when the poets come up with some pretty silly ideas. John Greenleaf Whittier wrote, for example, What moistened the lip and what brightens the eye? What calls back the past like the rich pumpkin pie? Well, in Springfield, in the white frame house on Maple Street, the Andersons have a very definite answer for him. And it has nothing to do with pumpkin pie. Like this. Frankly, Margaret, I think the whole idea is ridiculous. But, Jim, after all, I had to be pleasant, and he's only going to be in town for a few days. He sounded cute on the telephone. Kathy, be quiet and drink your milk. Gee whiz. He hasn't been in Springfield for almost 20 years. Why does he suddenly have to come busting in and get everything all upset? He isn't getting anything upset, dear. I merely ask him to have dinner with us tonight. Why didn't you ask him to spend the weekend? We could have Bud sleep in the chandelier. Jim, there's nothing wrong in asking him to dinner, is there? Why can't he eat in a restaurant? There's nothing wrong with eating in a restaurant once in a while. Why, Jim? When I have business in another town, you don't see me going around mooching dinners. And I had as many old girlfriends as he ever did. Oh, that's what it is. Oh, you mind your own business and eat your breakfast. The Green-eyed Monster rears his ugly head. Betty, in just about two seconds, the brown-eyed father is going to rear his ugly hand. You understand? Yes, Father. And you'll eat standing up for a week? Yes, Father. Jim, I really think you are jealous. Jealous? Me? I haven't got a jealous bone in my head. But I don't see any reason for inviting him to dinner. Oh, Dan. He was nothing but a pest 20 years ago, and you were glad enough to get rid of him then. Jim, that's not so. He was a very nice boy. Who was, Mom? Well, if he was so nice, why didn't you marry him? Oh, Dad. Because I loved you and I didn't love him, that's why. But he was still a very nice boy. Who was, Mom? He was a big hunk of muscle, that's what he was. Didn't have a brain in his head. Jim, you're not being fair. Charlie was just as intelligent as any boy in your class. Charlie who, Mom? Just because he had a raccoon coat and a couple of silly letters on his sweater. So help me, Margaret. I can't understand what you were thinking of when you invited him to dinner. Who, Dan? But don't you ever shut up. Oh, holy cow. Can I even know who you're talking about? No. Holy cow. Eat your breakfast and be quiet. I know who they're talking about. Kathy, behave yourself or go up to bed. I just got up. Well, behave yourself. Yes, Daddy. And sit still. Yes, Daddy. Man tries to have a peaceful breakfast with his family and what happens? Nothing but noise and excitement and confusion. Jim, you're making a fuss over absolutely nothing. I'm not making a fuss. And it isn't absolutely nothing. How would you like it if I dragged all my old girlfriends in for a dinner? But, Jim, Charlie Warren is a happily married man. Charlie Warren? You mean the Charlie Warren who played football for Springfield? Yes, dear. Big T. The man runs around with a silly hunk of leather under his arm. But Charlie Warren, Dad, holy cow. Who's Charlie Warren? Who's Charlie Warren? You might just as well say, who's Red Grained? All right, who's Red Grained? Betty, it only happens that Charlie Warren is the greatest athlete in the history of Springfield. That's all. The way you said it, I thought he was somebody important. Would you care for some more toast, Betty? No, thank you, Father. Boy, just wait till I tell the fellas. Charlie Warren in my house. But if you'll take up a collection, maybe we can build a shrine. Jim. Make this place a national monument. Charlie Warren ate here. Jim, I certainly hope you're going to be civil to the man. Oh, I'll be civil all right. I'll be so civil he won't know I'm around. Well, I don't think that's necessary. Matter of fact, I won't even be around. I'll be in the den working on my income tax return with Hector. And I hope you and Charlie have a lovely time. Jim Anderson, you can't work on your income tax tonight. You just can't. Would you like to make a small wager? But Jim, Charlie Warren is our guest. He's your guest, my pet. If you want to clutter up the house with your old boyfriends, go right ahead. I'm still going to work on my income tax. Jim, won't you please be sensible? I've already invited Charlie. I can't break the date now. Well, Hector's going out of town in the morning and this is the last chance he has to help me with my tax return. And for your information, Charlie Warren runs a very poor second to my income tax. Now, if you'd be so good as to pour me a cup of coffee. Jim, if you really loved me... Oh, that's fine. That's just wonderful. Twist the whole thing around so it's my fault. I didn't say it was your fault, dear. All I said was... May I please have my coffee? Of course, dear. Thank you. Jim, don't you think just this once... Margaret, this is your house. I bought it, furnished it, worked my full head off to get it. But it's your home. And if you want boyfriends running in and out of the hallways... Jim, you're being very unkind. Charlie Warren was your friend, too. My friend? Will you certainly spend enough time with him? I had to. If I wanted to see you, I'd have to see him, too, didn't I? I saw enough of him to last me a lifetime. Him and his big, fat football. Now you're being childish. Charlie was just as much your friend as he was mine. Oh, he was, was he? I suppose he asked me to marry him. Well, no, but... Mom, you mean Charlie Warren asked you to marry him? Yes, but he did. And you turned him down? Holy cow, Mom. If you could have married Charlie Warren... Oh. We're about to say something? James Anderson Junior? Uh, well, I, uh... Uh... Boy, it's sure hot in here, isn't it? What's so wonderful about being a football player doesn't take any brains to be a football player. Kick a ball, jump on somebody's neck. Don't even know which way they're running half the time. Hmm. Hi, Jim. What you doing? Counting your money? Oh, hello, Hex. Sit down. I've already had lunch. Well, sit down anyway. What's the matter? Is something wrong? Uh, maybe we'd better not work on your tax return tonight. That isn't going to make you feel any better, you know. Hex, do you remember Charlie Warren? Charlie Wa... Oh, you mean Big Charlie, the flapper's favorite? Flapper's favorite. Oh, gosh, I haven't seen him in almost 20 years. Why, what about him? He's in town. He is? Well, what do you know? What's he doing here? Eating at my house. Yeah, that's right. He was a friend of yours, wasn't he? He was not. Well, when you and Margaret were... Oh, yeah, I forgot. Big football phony comes into town, gets everybody all excited. Giving you bad time around the house. Oh, you ought to hurt him. But can't even figure out why his mother married me. That makes it nice. Yeah, just fine. Well, I guess we'd better forget about that income tax session tonight, huh? I guess so. Probably have to sit around all night hearing him yap about football. Makes me sick to think of it. You know, Jim, I'd just been figuring if we don't make it tonight. I'm stuck. We can do it over the weekend, can't we? I won't be back until Tuesday, and that's the 14th. I'll be up to my ears. Maybe you better get somebody else. Unless... Unless what? Well, I was just thinking. You know, we could fix this guy, Charlie, but good. Oh? How do you mean? Well, I come over tonight and we give it a big buildup. You know, I'm your tax counselor. Take care of all your major investments. Stuff like that. Big business. I don't know. Why not? We don't have to prove anything. It won't be as though you're doing the bragging. You're very modest about it. You even try to stop me a couple of times. I do, huh? Oh, sure. You're very embarrassed. You don't like the whole idea, but do I stop? I do not. I keep right on going. I lay it on thick. Even though I try to stop you? Sure. Charlie Warren thinks he's a big shot, huh? Well, we fix him. Anything he's got, you've got twice as many. Anything he's done, you've done twice as much. When I get through, I guarantee you'll sound like a combination of John D. Rockefeller and Fort Knox. You couldn't run in little Ben Hogan or Sammy Snead, could you? Jim, you're the greatest golfer since Bobby Jones. Yeah, a guy comes around, tries to bust up a happy home. Serve him right, wouldn't it? Certainly would. Well, no heck, it wouldn't be right. Okay, if you'd rather sit around and listen to him brag. Well, maybe if I... you think he will, huh? Jim, you don't know what they're like. When Charlie Warren gets through talking, you'll be lucky if you don't wind up living in the garage. I know, I've been through it. You have, huh? Sure. With me, it was a polo player. Pretty rough, huh? I had to buy Elizabeth a fur coat before she'd even let me in the house. I don't know. A man tries to live an honest, decent life, and what happens? Just because he wasn't a football player, he doesn't amount to anything. Everybody's ashamed of him. How's about it, Jim? Do we give him the business? Well, all right, let's do it. Okay. We'll teach him a lesson, won't we? You said it. Stick his nose in where it doesn't belong. Say, heck, I don't know if Charlie was in the service, but, well, if you'd like to put in a little General MacArthur... Okay, General. Anchors away. Well, Father's planning to get a lot of pleasure out of showing up Charlie Warren. Maybe he will, and maybe he won't. You just can't tell about some things. Other things, though, you can count on for a world of pleasure every time. Coffee is one of them. Truly good coffee, I mean, like Maxwell House, with all that wonderful good to the last drop flavor. Morning, noon, and night, that famous flavor means so much more real enjoyment it really pays to remember Maxwell House is true economy. Yes, it pays to remember that in these days of higher prices, and a neighbor of ours could tell you why. The other day she bought a cheaper coffee, thought it would be more economical, but the first time she served it, it tasted weak somehow, so she started adding more and more to the pot. But the flavor she expected just wasn't there, and cup after cup was left unfinished. That opened my eyes to something she said, Maxwell House is true economy. Sure it is, because every pound gives you so many more truly good cups of coffee. Just see how much more you enjoy that wonderful good to the last drop flavor, the clear, rich taste, the roaster fresh goodness vacuum packed in that familiar blue tin. You'll know Maxwell House is true economy. Yes, for your money's worth and more, get Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. It's dinner time in the White Frame House on Maple Street. The roast beef was wonderful. The cake was delicious. The coffee a sensation. And strangely enough, the conversation isn't quite as belligerent as we thought it might be, like this. How about another cup of coffee, Charlie? Well, thank you, Jim. That'll be fine. There you are. Thank you, Margaret. Oh, holy cow, Mr. Warren. There certainly must be one football game you remember. Well, that was a long time ago. But if Mr. Warren doesn't want to talk about football, why don't you stop bothering him? But holy cow, Dad. Isn't it that I don't want to talk about it, but it's just that, well, I haven't seen your mother and father in over 20 years. We've got a lot of other things to talk about, much more interesting things. Holy cow. But just can't get it into his head that there is anything more interesting than football. I can't either. Well, that's a fairly common thing when you're young. I used to feel the same way myself. Remember, Jim? Yes, I certainly do. My whole life was wrapped up in football. I ate drank and slept football. Silly as character in Springfield. Mr. Warren, you weren't. But will you please stop arguing if Mr. Warren says... Well, uh, eat your cake and be quiet. Holy cow. You'll notice, Charlie, that Bud doesn't have anything to do with plain ordinary cows. Just the holy ones. Yes, I've noticed. Oh, it's too bad Mrs. Warren couldn't make the trip with you, Charlie. Well, maybe the next time. Say, Jim, do you remember the night the old high school burned down? Oh, do I? I celebrated for three weeks. Jim? Well, what I mean is... Charlie, remember how the principal... What was his name? Baker, wasn't it? No, it was something like that, though. Baker, Baylor. That was it. Old man Baylor. Yeah. Remember how he came flying down the street in his night shirt? And all you could see were those long, skinny legs. Yeah. You mean that's better than football? Bud, please be quiet. And don't say holy cow. Well, what can I say? Nothing. Gee whiz. We'll talk about football the next time, Bud. How'll that be? Okay. I don't know what gets into that. Boy, I swear I don't. Well, he's just a boy, Jim. Of course, I don't have any children, sir. Don't you even have a little girl? No, Kathy, not even a little girl. Not even one? Not even one. Gee, that's awful. Kathy. Well, she's right, Jim. It is awful. I'd give anything for a family. Well, Charlie, make me a reasonable offer and you can have mine. Father. It's all right, Betty. I know what he means. And I know what you mean to him. Yes, sir. Wonderful wife. Wonderful home, three wonderful children. You're a lucky man, Jim. Well, you won't get any argument out of me on that. I didn't think I would. But we sure used to have some pips, didn't we, Margaret? Long into the night, hour after hour. And if you want to know the real honest-to-goodness truth, Charlie, I married Jim just to stop the two of you from talking. Mommy, you dip. Kathy, be quiet. That was a joke. It was? Yes, those were the good old days, weren't they, Jim? Yes, sir, they certainly were. I sure wish we could have them back. I know one guy who would do things a lot differently. Oh, I don't know, Charlie. You led a pretty exciting life in school. Sure, big Charlie war in the campus idol. I didn't even know what time it was. You didn't? Gee, I'm only nine and I do. Kathy. Kathy, will you please be quiet? I didn't say anything. What I meant, Kathy, was that I had some pretty strange ideas about what was important and what wasn't. I just couldn't think of anything but football. Well, gosh, what's wrong with that? Don't you like football? Oh, it's all right, bud, but not if you build your whole life around it. It might have been a lot better off if I'd taken your dad's advice. You would? Well, Mr. Warren doesn't mean that. Oh, it's true, Jim. Well, you're one of the most successful young executives in Springfield. That means more than a bunch of newspaper clippings and a couple of gold footballs. Jim, your mouth's open. Hmm? Oh, well, I, uh, how long are you going to be in Springfield, Charlie? Just a few days, Jim. Well, you know, it's sort of silly. You staying downtown at the hotel. Why don't you move your things out here? You can take Bud's room. Why, Jim? Oh, I don't think so, Jim. Where would Bud sleep in the chandelier? Oh, well, we'd, uh, we'd find a place for him. I'll answer it, Dad. Good grief, I forgot all about Hector Smith. Excuse me, Mr. Warren. Sure, go right ahead, bud. Charlie, you remember Hector Smith, don't you? Hector Smith. You mean the mathematical genius? That's the one. Well, sure I remember him. Good ol' Hector. Well, he's supposed to help me with my income tax tonight, but... Well, go right ahead, Jim. After all, I run a pretty poor second toward income tax. Well, well, well, Charlie Warren, you old son of a gun. Hector Smith, well, for gosh's sake. Well, how are you? Charlie, have it changed a bit. Oh, go on, I put on over 40 pounds. 40? Oh, you're kidding. Good evening, Hector. Oh, hello, Margaret. Hi, girl. Hello, Mr. Smith. Hi. We were just having a coffee. Heck, how about a cup for you? Well, you talk me into it. Hector, about that thing we were talking about... Oh, sure, sure. What do you think of Jim, Charlie? He's done all right, huh? Hector, I was just telling him, Hector, he's made a wonderful place for himself in the world. Now, you think so, huh? Well, you don't know the half of it. Hector... Now, isn't that just like a modest as the day is long? Can't stand to have people talk about his success. Hector, will you forget about the whole thing, please? Well, you don't have to tell me about it, Hector. I'm as proud of him as you are. Then you ought to know the whole story. You've got no idea how successful he really is. Hector, please. Look at him, he's blushing. And I don't blame him. A man who makes the kind of money he does. Hector, Charlie doesn't care anything about that. Well, sure he does, don't you, Charlie? Why, of course. You know, if Jim didn't have me to fix up his income tax return, why, he'd be paying for the last war all by himself. Would you really? Oh, Hector's exaggerating a little, Charlie. You know the way he is. Oh, now wait just a minute, Jim. You know, those little corners I cut why they save you a fortune. Nothing exactly. Crooked, you know, to shave a little here, shave a little there. Throw in a haircut every once in a while. Hector, please. Charlie, you may not believe this, but the money Jim makes on the golf course alone would take care of both of our salaries. Oh, no. Well, long as he declares it on his income tax return. That's what I mean. He'd like to, but why should he? Who knows about the $10,000 or $20,000 he picks up? Why, Jim? Margaret, don't listen to him. You know the way I play golf. Yeah, yeah, you ought to see him, Charlie. It's a joke. You know, if he wanted to, he could beat Sammy Hogan every day of the week. You mean Sammy Snead? Yeah, yeah, that's what I said, yeah. He's too smart for that. He keeps just far enough ahead, sort of leads them on, and then when they're ripe for a big bet, wham, he hits them with the works. For $20,000, huh? Oh, that's nothing. Hector, this is ridiculous. Will you please stop it? You see that car he's got outside? Just keeps it for sentimental reasons. Matter of fact, he told me just this morning he's gonna buy a brand new Cadillac. Daddy! You know that $35,000 job they had in the magazines with the leopard skin upholstery? Father! And he's gonna give that old heap to Bud. Holy cow. You know, just to run around in. Hector, will you please drink your coffee? Oh, hey, that's right. I forgot all about my coffee. Charlie, you know the way Hector is. Once he gets started with figures... Say, Charlie, did Jim tell you about the letter he got from General MacArthur? Hector! Daddy! Did you get a letter from General MacArthur? No, Kathy, I didn't. I don't even know General MacArthur. How do you like that? MacArthur leans on him through the entire war. Counts on him. MacArthur depends on him, tells everybody that Jim Anderson won the war for us in the Pacific. And listen to him. Hector, I wasn't even in the Pacific. I was in Europe. You see, won the war in Europe, too! I don't even admit it. Charlie... Oh, it's all right, Jim, I understand. He's proud of the fact that you fought overseas. I wish I could have been with you. Oh, you didn't go over, huh? No, I came up with an athletic heart. I'm awfully sorry, Charlie. We didn't know. Oh, wait a minute, Jim. There's nothing seriously wrong with me. That's active combat, that's all. I wound up pounding a desk in Washington. Oh, there's nothing wrong with that. Matter of fact, it worked out fine for me. That's where I met my wife. That's how I got my job. Say, Charlie, what are you doing these days? Well, I thought you knew, Hector. I'm with the government. Income tax division. That ought to convince Hector and Father of one thing. It always pays to do some investigating before you act. Sure, it pays to know all the facts. And here's another case in point. There's so much more pure pleasure in truly good coffee. It's important to remember this fact. Maxwell House is true economy. Yes, Maxwell House is true economy. Now, you can find cheaper coffees in the store, but will you find economy in them? Not when you add more and more coffee to the pot, yet still can't get the flavor you want. Not when coffee is so lacking in flavor, your family leaves their cups unfinished. No, you can't call that economy. But Maxwell House is true economy. So many more truly good cups of coffee in every pound. Such extra richness and flavor. So good to the last drop, you drink every drop. Yes, there's real reason why more people drink Maxwell House than any other brand at any price. Maxwell House is true economy. Tomorrow, get your money's worth and more with Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. Now it's breakfast time again in the White Frame House on Maple Street. It's a pleasant day, not too warm and not too cool. A very pleasant day indeed. For everyone but father, thusly. But you said the government gave you $600 on account of me, so why can't you raise my allowance? Kathy, I didn't say they gave me $600. They allow me to deduct it from my income tax. $600. And all I get is 35 cents a week. What are you kicking about? One minute I've got a car and the next minute I haven't. After I already told Joe Phillips. Well, you had no right to tell him, dear. You knew that Mr. Smith was only joking. Some joke. Ha, ha, ha. Mother, isn't Mr. Warren the sweetest man? Yes, dear, he's very nice. I'll tell you one thing. He's certainly changed. Well, somebody has, but... Never mind. I'm almost through with my breakfast. All right, Kathy. Stop playing with your milk. Hello? Oh, hello, heck. No, I was just finishing my breakfast. This afternoon? All right, let's say about three o'clock. Okay. Say, wait a minute, heck. I thought you were going out of town. Oh, I see. All right, heck. Three o'clock. See you later. Is there anything wrong, dear? No, it was just Hector. Oh, I thought he was going out of town. He was, but... Well, he's decided he'd better spend the next few days revising his own income tax. If you like good things the easy way Good things the easy way No time, no trouble No grounds, no fun And it's good to the very last You know what? Yes, instant Maxwell House means great coffee instantly in your cup. Here's real instant coffee. All pure Maxwell House coffee in instant form. Enjoy instant Maxwell House, instantly. Good to the very last You know what? Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson with Roy Bargy in the Maxwell House Orchestra and yours truly, Bill Foreman. Don't forget membership cards for the Robert Young Good Drivers Club are waiting for you at your local NBC station. Get a man-to-man or dad-to-daughter pledge and sign up today. Be a good driver. Get your membership card in the Robert Young Good Drivers Club today. Now until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee. Always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned in for ScreenGill Theater, which follows immediately over most of these stations. It's ScreenGill Theater with the Foreign Affair next on NBC.