 an honor to have all of you. Just a quick introduction. So my name is Hussai Alhamdulillah. I'm a community member here in Pleasanton. I live here just like five minutes away. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. And that was like a total miracle from Allah because I was, I'm Bay Area native, but I was in Southern California for nine years. And when my father passed away, Alhamdulillah, in 2015, it was very hard for me to be away from my family, especially my mom. So I came here for a few different events. One was a Zaituna event, a North Star event, and then another event. And I remember I just, I was so desperate to come back to the bay because we were only supposed to be gone for two years and you know, the bay area is home. So I was like, please, please y'all make doh, make doh, please. And I come back to the bay, please. And I allow facilitates away for us. And Alhamdulillah, the following week, literally my husband calls me when I was working and he says that he had two offers from company family bay area. So there's barakah in the bay, there's someone's beautiful dohs I believe got accepted. So, and then I specifically wanted to move close to this message. And Allah gave us like, it was just a whole other miracle story. So ask people for dohs. That's the lesson. Ask people because you don't know who the awliya of Allah are. You don't know. They could be anywhere. They could be somewhere right here in this room. So, Alhamdulillah. I'm very blessed to be a part of this community. And as I mentioned, you know, when I moved back to the bay, my heart was still very much like where I left it in 2006. So I don't know if anybody's ever moved away and then you come back somewhere and you're just like, what, you know, but that's kind of how I was. I felt very like, I'm just going to come back in and have my friend Alhaqas with my name, John and some of the other sisters and everybody's just going to be the same age and we're just going to be the same. You know, I'm just, I've just gone for nine years, but hey, I'm back. It didn't quite work out that way. You know, I came and I moved to Cupertino first, by the way. So it didn't, I didn't come here right away, but I was still in the bay. So I went to Cupertino and that was so distant from, you know, the heart of what I was used to, which was East Bay. Long story short, you know, a lot of da'a later. But I intended fully to come back and start Alhaqas because there's nothing, I think, greater than obviously they could have on love, but especially for me anyway, personally, my two favorite groups to work with are women and children. And so this morning, Alhamdulillah, I had a really nice session with the West East Coast organization called the Afia Project and they have a special women's retreat. And we did a really nice two and a half hour session on emotional intelligence. So I was, I've just been amped up. I've been amped up this morning with a lot of positive energy. Immediately after that, I did a clubhouse class on agenda to change our condition and I got me amped up too, just like a lot of, you know, mashallah, positive energy, even though there's a lot of darkness in our world, when you, you know, are with beautiful hearts and you come together for the remembrance of Allah, it really does help to just bear the troubles and to kind of cast out the darkness because you start to see where the priorities are. And so this particular haraqa, I've dedicated it once a month just to make it simple for sisters because I know we work, we have families, there's a lot of obligations on our schedules and to do something consistently can sometimes backfire because if you don't show up, you feel like you're a failure and then the nufs, you know, gets ahold of you at the shaitan. So the next month, you're like, ah, what's the point? So please know like if you come to this haraqa today and the next month you can't come and the following next month you can't come, it's all good. The doors are always open for you and we have, you know, this text available, you can get it yourself, but the sessions are recorded, so just don't, don't take it, you know, to that point where it's like all or none because all or none thinking I think really contributes to why a lot of people aren't spiritually doing well because we get into these binaries about, you know, these things and Allah loves effort, you know, it's not about perfection, it's effort. So inshallah, hopefully you guys will, you know, just feel open to come whenever you're available to and enjoy the discussion wherever it takes us. So I mentioned in the beginning before we started that we've been working on this text purification of the heart. How many of you here have the book? Like you know of the book, you've read the book, you have the book. Okay, much of the majority, good. We also have online viewers, so for those of you who are watching online, please make sure to get this textbook. I mentioned in the beginning, it's very essential reading. We have of course the Qur'an, we have the hadith, we have sacred texts many from our great ulama. This contemporary work but done obviously it's a translation of a classical work. The reason why I find this to be something that is essential for every Muslim home library is because we're living in a very complicated time where our children are being targeted, our homes are being targeted, our families are being targeted, our marriage is being targeted, and if we don't have the spiritual immunity to be able to protect ourselves first and foremost, our own mental and spiritual well-being and then protect our family, we're going to continue to see a lot of what we're seeing, which are people just not doing very well and having a very difficult time. So this is to me like, you know, it's like getting ready for spiritual, I don't want to use military language, but we are. We are at war, right? We're constantly at war within ourselves, but there is this demonic other element that I think is very, very powerful right now and it's working around the clock. They don't, you know, the shout, they don't sleep. They don't sleep. They're out every day, every minute of the day. They're working on all of us and these are, this is kind of like, again, taking those spiritual, or immunizing yourself, you know, against those whisperings, against those inclinations of the nefs and really helping to, inshallah, protect yourself and your family. So that's why it's so essential knowledge, but we've, because every month now and then, you know, I had my personal loss, my mother a lot of them had passed away at the end of May, we have had some disruptions to the schedule and so I and I've been doing this class on Clubhouse as well and my bookmarks are kind of all off, so I'm just going to ask flat out because I don't remember. Does anyone who was here last month remember, did we get to miserliness? No, we did not start, right? Okay, that's what I thought. I think we just finished the introduction, the purification, right? If I'm not mistaken. Okay, that's what I thought, but I just wanted to be certain. So over the past few months, as we since we started, we've been reading the translator's introduction, which is so rich. I mean, this is like, honestly, if I could read this book for the rest of my life, like, keep continuously reading it, inshallah, that's what I plan to do because I plan to offer free classes for as long as I can with the permission of Chef Hamza, who's given me that permission. But I would do this because every time I read it, I find there's so much self-discovery and my own eyes are open to a lot of things. And then when you contextualize it to what's happening at the moment, like whatever contemporary issues are going on, you just find even more insight. So I just feel like there's just so much that you can get from just reading this on your own even independently or with others. But to really take time to process what it's telling you. So if you remember in the translator's introduction, you know, Chef Hamza goes into the topic of the heart and really goes into like he does a deep dive into what the heart is, what the spiritual heart is. He also makes the connection between the spiritual and the physical heart. And it's just really amazing commentary. And then he, you know, there's much more than that. But then we go into the introduction to purification, which we summarized over the past couple of months. And this is really powerful information because this is setting us up for this process that we hear about the Skiah. Like, if you're going to take on this, you know, endeavor to become a pure to purify your soul, you have to understand there's prerequisites, right? You have to, if you're going to succeed, if you want to do this, right, you have to do it according to what our tradition teaches. And so he starts off by defining adab that the prerequisite of succeeding in becoming a more purified soul is that you understand what adab is, right? And so he defines that for us as courtesy, right? And why adab? Because he says that in order to succeed, right, you have to have adab first and foremost with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, right? And understand that he says, let me just read here, one must have courtesy with regard to God, behave properly with respect to his presence, if he or wishes to purify the heart. But how does one achieve this courtesy? So if that's the prerequisite to purifying the heart that we have to have adab, the next logical question is how do we get to that adab, right? How do I get there? And then he goes on to define that, or Imam Mahlud specifically mentions two requisite qualities that are associated with adab, which are modesty and humility. And I find this really fascinating, because if you look at the world we live in, these are the two things that are literally vanishing, right? Are they not? Modesty is, I mean, every day you see more and more immodest behavior. It's quite shocking, like the level of depravity we have reached as a species. I was on Twitter the other day, and I don't know how many of you saw this. I hope you didn't see it because it's quite jarring and all the blah, harmful to the eyes, but I just, you know, that you're scrolling. They had a scene of a New York subway. It was like a rave or a party happening on a train, a public transportation train, where they, somebody, I don't know who they hired or they brought on strippers. It was music. It was like alcohol, and what was so disturbing in the few seconds that I saw, because it was enough for me to be like, I don't know what is this. I just, I thought it was like a crazy scene. And I'm, I'm just trying to understand what it was, was the people that were on the train as passengers, they were all watching and enjoying it. And that was really disturbing because I'm like, if that happened in a normal time or society where decency was still maintained, there would be outrage. There would be people trying to shut it down. There would be somebody speaking up like, Hey, there's children here. Or there's, you know, I don't want to see this. Why are you doing this? Nothing. All of the people around were taking their videos out, and they were watching and everybody was like, Hey, it was like a party. And I'm like, I cannot believe this is happening in public transportation. And this is all, you know, revealed to us from some said that this type of lewdness and indecency would be made public towards the latter days. So we're seeing that now openly. We're seeing, I mean, just all the blah, all of the stuff in recent news. I don't know how many of you follow the news, but we know that there's all these outbreaks and there's not just COVID anymore. Now we have to worry about monkeypox like we have literally worry about a disease that's not it's there. They're trying to sanitize the image of this disease as being something that's not an STD. However, it is affecting a very specific demographic of people. But it's not an STD. Okay. And now children are potentially at risk. So and now everywhere we go, we have to worry about whether or not people who are doing depraved things behind their closed doors, and that's on them are going to affect our public health. And nobody wants to address, you know, that these are real public health crises. We're just going to just act like it's not, but do the opposite. What's happening is nobody's even it seems to me like the vast majority of people are not willing to actually be honest about, you know, the fact that these are, this is the result of behavior that's very dangerous and detrimental to individuals, but communities, families, societies, right? Nobody wants to talk about promiscuity and how having this hookup culture that spreads venereal diseases that causes all these families to fall apart is actually a public health crisis. And we're just now, again, trying to sanitize the and make it into something that it's really not. But anyway, and actually the opposite is happening. Articles are being now written by people who are affected, where they are going into great detail about how they acquired this. And the details are so disturbing, you know, these are not just relationships, you know, these are like really, again, just, you know, escapades that involve multiple people. It's just really, really horrible, but they're so shameless. That's the point I'm making that they're willing not only to do that, but then speak about it openly with no recourse or no fear of any, you know, where's the cancel culture with that kind of stuff, you know, you want to speak about your political views on Palestine, you risk losing your job, you could risk losing your home. But if someone wants to talk about the orgy that they attended, it's okay. And they get lights and shares. Oh, there are marginalized community in the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, it's just insanity. So the shamelessness that's promoted in the society and the lack of actual respect for decency is it's just so prevalent now and we have to really sit with that because here, you know, these two qualities are mentioned. And unfortunately, I mean, I'm speaking kind of about the general society around us, but these things are affecting our own community. We're seeing more and more shamelessness in our own community, right? We're seeing TikToks and Reels and and Instagrams and, you know, Facebook posts where people are openly doing things, right? There was a time, for example, PDA in the Muslim community, like are you kidding, right? You couldn't sit next to your spouse in some cultures because it was frowned upon and seen as being, you know, inappropriate. Now you have couples, you know, all over each other, dancing, hugging, twirling around, kissing, you know, you see it, you see these videos, there's that is a shameless act to do from our faith perspective. You don't share private and from things like that, private acts, we just don't do things like that. And obviously with clothing, that's a whole other topic. But we are seeing shame, just vanishing. And then the other side of it, right? When you have the lack of humility, how many people are obsessed with fame, are obsessed with, you know, garnering attention and receiving attention, right? So the lack of really just trying to maintain a low profile, kind of just under the radar for the sake of a light, just doing your thing. It's the opposite. It's being promoted to go out there and show off whatever you can to get however many likes, followers you can. So I think it's really important that we're starting off by addressing these two issues. And everybody has to have that conversation with themselves. Where am I on the modesty spectrum, right? Am I modest in my behavior? Am I modest in my dress? Am I modest in my, in my language? Because, you know, you could be outwardly modest, but then you have a trucker's mouth, right? Or a sailor's mouth. What happened to language? What happened to, you know, modesty of the tongue and not f-bombing? And I mean, just yesterday I saw Hijabi on, it was a TikTok. These are disturbing things and the reason why I share them, because I'm not making this up. You know, sometimes we think like, oh, these people that come and speak and everything's just so exaggerated. No, it's not. These are realities. This Hijabi was doing a TikTok and she was speaking about a subject that I found to be a very inappropriate topic. May Allah forgive her. May Allah guide her. But she, in the course of her storytelling, f this and f that and s-h-i-t, and I'm just like, you have a hijab on your head. You know, what happened? What happened to our community where even we are having this, you know, this conflict clearly, right? This is cognitive dissonance. Like you're on one hand showing yourself up to be this modest symbol, right, of faith and of modesty. But then on the other hand, you are speaking in ways that are completely antithetical to your faith. This is because we're not addressing this within ourselves, right? And that's why this is prerequisite. If you want to do this, you better address this first. Where are you on that spectrum of modesty? And the second point, where are you on the spectrum of humility, right? I watched another video of a very wealthy person who was giving like life advice and he said that one of the things that he found for himself, which was a good reflection sort of exercise, was that if he was ever being introduced to people and he failed to give his name, that he had to do an ego check, because the implication was, you should know my name, right? So some people, they expect that people should know their name. People should know their credentials, right? And especially in the virtual space, because there are a lot of people who have million massive followers. Like we're, these are common everyday Muslims. There are people in our community who have a lot of followers, right? We're talking upwards of 100,000 close to, you know, half a million maybe. So this is something for them. But I'm just saying in general, if we are in these, you know, or having these experiences, where do we fall on the spectrum of humility? Do we expect people to just know who we are because we're, you know, we have fame somewhere else? Do we expect our family, right? How many of us come from cultures where your family name precedes you? So you walk in and you kind of expect to be spoken to a certain way. You expect to be treated a certain way because you come from XYZ family, right? And this happens. Many of our, I mean, throughout Islamic history, for example, people would exploit lineage, right? And it still happens today. You go to parts of the Muslim world. And if you have a noble lineage, lineage dating you to the Prophet's life said him, or if you don't, you may use that to your advantage. People fabricate lineage all the time, right? In order to gain status, in order to gain access to things. So we have to, again, confront within ourselves, where do we fall on this? Are you, do you have wealth? Do you have other privilege? Do you have beauty? Do you, did Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give you something over others that you kind of feel better about other people? Or, you know, feel, feel it? Like you really, because this is, you know, a modern phenomenon, but certainly not, not, you know, something that hasn't existed before. But the modern phenomenon is the fact that we are taught to exploit these things, right? It's one thing to be very within yourself, you know, maybe have some vanity and deal with these thoughts. But it's another thing to want to use that to your advantage and exploit it, or put it out there for the whole world to see, right? So that's where a lot of people have to do that in our work. Like where do you fall on that spectrum? So those two points, I think are really important to first mention, because as we proceed with the first chapter here, which is on miserliness, I want, I wanted to make that point. There's so much more in the introduction that I really, again, advise everybody to look at. But just remember that we need to have the proper adab as we continue this text and read through it. And at every point when you, when we define a disease, like we're about to, and we talk about it, always, you know, enter that conversation with the presumption that you have the disease, right? Check your ego and be like, I have a my, I'm miserly, you know, even if you think you're the most generous person in the world, right? If you think like I'm always giving, I'm always paying for everybody I'm helping, I do my, I give my Sadaqah, I give my Sadaqah. Presume your miserly. Just presume it because these are subtle things. There's subtle signs of diseases that you may not know that you have. But if you go into the presumption that I got all of them, I'm riddled with diseases, what it does is it puts you into that state of humility before Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala wa ta'ala, ya Allah, I'm coming to you with this heart that is seeking to be better. And recognizing my own blemishes, recognizing my own weakness before you, but I want to be better. And so show me, show me the error of my ways, show me my blemishes. But entering that is with that state of, again, modesty and humility is really important. So with that said, I'm gonna, so the way that we normally do this is I'll read the section that we're going to talk about today. And then if there's any additional commentary, I can provide that. But, you know, feel free to jump in if you have any questions or need any clarifications. And then we can also leave some question time for the end. We'll probably break, I think around 8 30, I'm assuming is Maghrib here. So we'll go for about 30 minutes, 35 minutes, break for Maghrib. And then whatever time we have left, we can also leave it for a minute. Any questions? All right, so let's begin. So the book again is a poem, right? Matharat al-Qurub was a poem written by Imam al-Malud. So Shechemza has done the translation of the verses of the poem with commentary. So I'm going to read the verses first. And these are verses 16 to 25. So Imam al-Malud, the English translation of his poem is, Now then, the refusal to give what is obliged according to sacred law or to virtuous merit is the essence of miserliness, which is mentioned among the diseases of the heart. As for the obligations of sacred law, they are such things as zakat, supporting one's dependence, right to do to others, and relieving the distressed. Examples of virtuous merit include not nitpicking over trivialities. Avoiding this is even more important with respect to a neighbor, a relative, or a wealthy person, or when hosting guests, or concerning something in which such behavior is inappropriate, such as purchasing a burial shroud or a sacrificial animal, or purchasing something you intend to donate to the needy. Thus one who makes matters difficult for one whose rights clearly render this inappropriate to do so, such as a neighbor, has indeed torn away the veils of dignity. This is as the majestic and guiding sages have stated. This is comparable to one who fulfills his obligations without good cheer or who spends from the least of what he possesses. Its root is love of this world for its own sake, or so that the self can acquire some of its fleeting pleasures. So as we can see, miserliness is much more, it's multi-layered. It's not just being stingy necessarily with money, right? There's many parts to it, and we read that through the verses, but let's look at the definition and causes from what Shechamza now shares in his commentary. So Imam al-Rud brings to the foreground the definitions of these diseases, their ideology, origins and causes, and how to cure them. The first disease he speaks of is miserliness, bohol. It is first not because it is the worst of characteristics, but because of alphabetical ordering in Arabic. He mentions two aspects of miserliness. One relates to the Sharia, the sacred law. That is, rights due to God and His creation. The other pertains to Murua, which is an important Arabic concept that connotes manliness and valor. In pre-Islamic Arab culture, valor was a defining concept. It is similar to Western ideals of chivalry and virtue. The Latin word veer means man. Similarly, the Arabic root for virtue, Murua, is a cognate of the word for man, though scholars state that it refers to both manliness and humanity. So this distinction is important that miserliness has these two different sides to it. The first, again, being relating to the Sharia. So regarding the first aspect, the sacred law obliges the payment of zakat, charity distributed to the needy. Miserliness in the form of not giving zakat is explicitly forbidden. The same is true with one's obligation to support his wife and children. Even if a couple suffers a divorce, the man must still pay child support. When it comes to the obligations of sacred law, miserliness is the most virulent form. So this is important because we are obviously expected to give. As we know, we are all, as adult Muslims, obligated to give zakat, as well as fulfill the rights that are owed to our dependents. And so when you think about yourself, think about not just whether or not you give, right? Because inshallah, inshallah, we all fear Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la. So when it's usually around Ramadan, people start thinking about these things, we do give, but think about the way with which you give, right? Does the hand tremble, right? Are you doing like peek-a-boo, or not peek-a-boo, but like, you know, I don't know, in and out and in and out with your wallet, hand in your wallet? Are you shuffling, you know, bills and pulling out a big bundle and then, you know, trying to lighten the load a little bit? What's going on when the time comes, when you're at a fundraising dinner and they bring the envelope, right? Are you suddenly getting text messages or pretending to, you know, like, oh, I'm busy. I'm looking down. I'm, you know, yeah, I didn't see the person walking past me offering me the envelope, right? What's happening when the time comes for you to give to your heart? Because this is where you address whether or not you might have a portion of this, right? And it's really important to understand this because if you think that by giving and parting with your wealth, there is a loss happening, which is what shaitan wants you to do, right? The Qur'an, Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la says that shaitan, he causes us to fear with poverty, right? So he'll put these thoughts in our mind at those opportune times, right? That uh-oh, but I have bills to pay and I gave already, you know, last week, you know, I gave some money already. So you have this kind of back and forth mental dance that you're doing about what, how much you give and whether or not you should give or maybe you should give later. So that trepidation a lot of times does come from a wrong understanding that when you give for the sake of Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la, you are never losing ever, right? If you believe that you're truly believing that, then when you know, you see the homeless person and you're inclined to give, you take out all of the money that you have in your wallet, right? You don't say, oh, I'll just give a dollar to him, you know, or however, like the least dollar amount that you can. And you know, everybody's going to have to grapple with what happens, what that internal conversation is, but if you really feel inclined to give, as was mentioned, you give the best of what you can, right? And you want to also add some honor and dignity in the giving, because sometimes we have it wrong. We think like we're doing a favor for someone, right? We're not doing them a favor. They are doing us a favor. They are Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la brought them in our path to give us an opportunity to purify our own wealth, because every time we give, we're purifying our own wealth, right? And so they could have not been there. We could have walked a different direction, right? But, sorry, but the fact that Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la put them in our path is to give us an opportunity to gain reward. It's an opportunity also to change the life potentially of that person. And now you see all these, you know, there are good things happening too. I know I speak about social media often in a very negative context, but there are very good things that are happening as well. There are people who are out there doing a lot of good work. They're helping people who are suffering or going through a lot by honoring them, by giving them dignity, by giving them opportunities, by giving them not just five dollars, but like stacks of money and saying here, this is a new lease on life start. That's beautiful. And Allah reward those who do things like that. But when we give, we have to examine the way that we give. And this applies to not just money, but also donations, right? And I've talked about this before, but it's really troublesome to see. And if anybody's ever worked in any relief work or any volunteer work where you've collected goods for the community or for people in need, refugees, or other people, I'm sure you have seen some of the horrors that people will put in those big, large black trash bags. And you're like, oh my God, like this belonged in the wrong, and this should have gone to the garbage. Why is it coming to donations for children in Syria? What is happening? Because sometimes when it's time to give, that part of us that has forgotten this lesson, which is you give to honor, right? The Prophet said to them, when he gave, he gave the best and he preferred everyone before himself. It's not decluttering and giving the stuff that's garbage that you've used to the last thread and you just need an easy, you know, drop off station. So it's like, I'm going to come to the mushroom and shove it into some box. But how many times does this have to happen in our community, right? For us to learn that lesson. So you examine yourself like, if I'm going to give something, do I really check my ego, check my nuts? Because if the disease is taken over, then you haven't, you know, as I said, you haven't gotten it. And you give either very little, you don't give it all, or you give not of something that is in a dignifying way. So that's really important. And that's how we check whether or not we have this. Then he goes into the second, right, aspect of miserliness, which he mentioned, valor. So the Imam goes into some detail. One should never create difficulty over paltry matters, he says. When it comes to debt, it is far better for the creditor to be flexible and magnanimous than demanding and unbearable. This is especially true when the creditor is not in need of repayment, while the debtor faces hardship. So if you've ever been in a position where you've given someone a loan, but you don't really need that loan, but every time you see that person, you're just like, Oh, is that a new purse? I wonder where she got that from? Or, you know, you're just kind of doing these checks because it bothers you that you haven't been paid your debt back, right? That's also part of your jihad enough. That's an opportunity for you to say, I don't really need that $300, right? Yes, it might bother me that this person isn't giving me my payment back, but maybe they are really struggling. And if you really have, like they're a student or you know for sure that they have financial struggles, then despite yourself, you have to kind of fight the urge to confront them, to embarrass them, to put them on the spot, you know, like, why haven't you paid me back yet? Because, you know, Allah prefers some people over others. And if he's given you wealth, right, and you're not in need of it, but you know this person is, then what would the prophesy so I can do? And that's kind of, that's, he's our, our standard, right? He's our yardstick with which we measure everything that we do. And if you know that it's more better to be magnanimous and to forgive the debt and just say, you know what, it's a gift. Just, you know, make the offering. Then you, you're, you're following the prophetic example, but you're also opening yourself up to what? More blessings, because Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta'ala is the most generous. And when we show generosity, he repays us with generosity, right? So don't think again that, oh, you got suckered. That's just shaitan, right? Trying to get you, rile you up so that you cause a problem for no reason. Because take control of the situation. Be like, no, I am choosing to forgive the debt for the sake of Allah. I am choosing to be the bigger person because Allah's giving me abundance. And this person clearly needs it. And even if, you know, I don't know where they spent the money and how they spent the money, I gave it to them. Hold on, so it happened. And may Allah, you know, reward me for that, forgive them. And let's just move on. Because think about, if you could, if you could fast forward, move all like through, like as if you're watching the real or the video of your life, move through the rest of your life, your death, your resurrection, standing before the day of judgment. You think that $300 is going to matter to you at all? No, but what if, to Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta'ala, it matters a great deal. And he reminds you at that point, like your scales were tipping in the wrong direction. But remember that time where you forgave someone's debt and you did it in such an honorable way. You didn't embarrass them. You actually just were gracious about it. Well, because of that one deed, here's Jannah. Breeze right across the sit-off. So that's why you have to kind of let go of these, you know, these thoughts, which come again from the nafs from Shaitan. And as he mentions, which we'll get to, the reason why this disease of the heart takes root is because we have an attachment to the dunya. And we were not looking at the world with the Akhira glasses, as they say, right? I got these glasses on. But what if we were given, Allah gave us a special pair of glasses that we could put on and everything we saw had to do with the Akhira, like there was no dunya. Imagine how amazing we would live, right? We would be on, we would be on every prayer, we would be right on the dot, you know, there would be, like it would be a halo over us, there would be a lot going on, right? Because we would feel, we would see the reality of the world. But it's because of our own shortcomings, our own veils that we have in front of our eyes that we can't see the reality. So then we are duped by Shaitan, duped by the nafs. So that is really important that when we, that we let go, we don't make a big deal out of something, right? So a person who has this, this quality of valor, of chivalry, of magnanimity just lets things go. They're able to let things go. But if you're argumentative, you're petty, right? You want to get your just desserts because someone did something to you. It is a sign of this disease of the heart. So this is why, again, I love this book because we read something like My Zooliness and I've read just things of like some cheap person. But it's not just about being cheap, it's about lacking in the virtues that our dean encourages us to. And of course, their prophetic virtues, magnanimity, just being generous, being big hearted. These are beautiful qualities. And a person who's miserly can't have that, they don't possess those qualities because the disease has taken root in their heart, right? And then he goes on to say and says that this is, sorry, having this quality of magnanimity is not an obligation in sacred law because the creditor has the right to what is owed to him. But if he is apathetic to the needs of the debtor and insists on his payment, this is considered reprehensible. So, you know, you can all, and it's just making this point because we also don't want to leave people with the feeling that they always have to take the short end of the stake and always just kind of take the loss. If you really feel like your rights were taken, yes, you can defend yourself, but it's really about your heart, right? If your heart is hard, you couldn't care less if the person is on, you know, like in the negatives, you know, they're about to get evicted and you're just like, give me my money. That's clearly a problem. That's a sign of major disease of the heart. So then he goes on and says, an Islamic ethic for the wealthy is that they exude magnanimity, generosity, and the demeanor of lenience. Hadith recounts that a wealthy individual would instruct his servants when collecting money on his behalf, if the debtors do not have the means, tell them their debts are absolved. When this wealthy man died without any good deeds, save his largesse with debtors, according to the Hadith, God said to his angels, this man was forgiving of people's transgressions against him, and I'm more worthy of forgiving transgressions. Therefore, I forgive him. That's what we want, right? We want Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta'a's forgiveness. So be lenient. When hosting guests, so here's another now point about this disease. When hosting guests, one should not be persnickety, says Imam Odub. What does that mean? For example, if a guest spills something on the carpet, the host should not display anger or worse yet, scold the guest. It is far better to show valor and be humane in making one guest feel no consternation at all. The Imam also explains that when one buys, before we get to that. So this is very common. Some of us, for example, our homes are like model homes. If you have a high form of OCD, which unfortunately many of us often have, you may be that person that you know exactly where every single thing goes, it has its place, and if it's moved even slightly like one degree, you'll know about it, right? So if you have guests over and their child, a little toddler runs and they, you know, knock down something of value or spill their juice and ruin your carpet, if your instinct is to just, you know, and you feel all of these horrible thoughts, but you're really, really, really fighting them for the sake of, you know, optics, you got to confront yourself. Because at the end of the day, this is how I kind of had to have that switch. Like, what's more important, the carpet or the heart of that child, right? Because if you blurt something out and sometimes people lose their cool, especially, you know, as I'm sure we've all experienced, some of our beloved elders don't have as much patience with the youngins sometimes. So they tend to be quick to be like, what's going on? You know, they get upset quickly. I've heard this for many people. I've seen it because, you know, they have a certain order and what have you. But sometimes they fail to realize that that moment of reprimanding, scolding that child could have actually long-term effects, right? It could cause real legitimate panic and anxiety and fear. And you see a lot of kids, because they've been shamed in that way, humiliated in that moment, it causes a complex for them. So we have to be very careful around these things. And that's why the value of things matters, right? The value of your carpet is nothing compared to the impression that you could have not only on the child, but on their parents, you know? Because if you snap, you know, sometimes we just blurt something out, you could ruin your relationship. There could be so many things. But the bottom line is confronting yourself, like, why do I care? Why do I need to have a picture perfect Pinterest Martha Stewart model home for everybody to see all the time? Why can't I just have a, you know, like a normal life experience that, yeah, I got a scan of my carpet. I'm going to go get a carpet, machine, I'll clean it. Like, why can't that happen, right? It's because, again, the world that we live in is so superficial. And we've all bought into that. We were all conditioned to think that image is everything. But your image before Allah SWT has everything, not your image before people. If you, you know, if you're only thinking about how polished and pristine you and your home look without factoring in that Allah is fully aware of those negative thoughts you're having, right? Because people don't know, but like, Reba is not just, some people don't know not everybody, but Reba is not just an exercise of the tongue and the ears. You can have Reba, right? You could be sitting somewhere, not saying a word, but tearing people apart in your heart. And that should trouble us, right? That if we do that, if we, you know, have done that before that Allah forgives us, because again, you know, you're denying a child's humanity and their child or even an adult, whoever it is, it doesn't matter. It's more a reflection of something wrong internally in you that you immediately go to making a big deal out of something that should just be like seen as no big deal. Allah's it's okay. It can be replaced. I'm not worried about this. You matter to me. Your soul matters to me. Your child's heart matters to me. My relationship with you matters to me. I can replace this and move on, right? That's what the believer does, because why? Why? We don't have, we shouldn't have attachments to the dinya, to worldly possessions, material things that move from the heart, the hand to the heart, right? Nothing in this dinya should possess our heart. And if something materially possesses our hearts, that's caused for major, major concern, right? To you, as they say, have the dinya in your hand, but not in your heart, right? And that's what, what not being fazed by something like that is. It's not, it's not in my heart. It's in my hand. And then he goes on to say, and this is also really important, especially for those of us who like to shop, okay? Because I know we've all done it, especially when we go international. But the haggling month, let's, let's be honest here. He says, the Imam also explains that when one buys a funeral shroud, there should be no haggling over the cost, for a funeral shroud should remind one of death. And a worldly matter of haggling over prices should not be involved in its obtainment. One should not also haggle over prices when buying livestock in order to give meat to the needy. The same principle applies to purchasing other goods that are intended for charity as well. So the point here is haggling in general is okay because, you know, we're going to go back and forth. The marketplace is kind of made for that. But you also want to have some respect, basically, right? There are times where it would be totally inappropriate to haggle over. And he mentioned that. But I think in general, as you mature, as you kind of realize that people are, you know, struggling. And unless you think you're really being duped by someone, especially if they know you're a foreigner, sometimes they hike up the prices, that's different. But if you see that there's an honest merchant, they're really trying to sell their goods, just because the dollar has a lot of power in Turkey, for example, doesn't mean I'm going to milk, you know, I'm going to just take this person, you know, get everything they have, because I want to go back and give gifts and do this and that. We should have also some good will, right? Some good, you know, common will, as they say, want the good for our brothers and sisters who we know are struggling far more than we are. And so maybe you'd be a little bit more charitable in those circumstances. You know, if they give you a nice discounted price, you're like, well, here's a gift just for you. And just for the sake of Allah, because you want to show that, you know, you're paying it forward, as they say, when Allah is generous with you, you want to be generous with His creation. So that thing of haggling, I think is something we need to all, again, think about and hold ourselves accountable. A person who doles out difficulty without cause strips away the veils of dignity. This is what the wise guides, the scholars have said. It is equally regrettable when one discharges an obligation or fulfills a trust without good cheer. So this is also another manifestation of miserliness. And this is important because sometimes as women, our friendships, our families hinge on expectations that we do things, right? We fulfill obligations. We do favors for certain people. And if you're not doing things from a pure heart, from a place of sincerity, but you're resentful, right? You're, you're spiteful. You have a lot of negative feelings, but begrudgingly doing something for someone, right? You have to confront that within yourself. Because if that's always the case, you know, you're just like, you're doing it without, like it mentions without cheer, without good cheer, if someone's asking you to, you know, oh, can you help me out with this, you know, come over and help me. I'm, I'm moving or I need you to run an errand for me. And you're just like, do I have to find you're dragging your feet. And it's, if this is always your response to being asked a favor, that's certainly a sign of the fact that, you know, we're missing this quality of magnanimity, of generosity, of spirit. Sometimes it's understandable. You're tired, you're maybe the cycle, your cycles around the corner, you're fatigued for real reasons, you're not able to, those are exceptional. We're talking about just general, right, reaction to being called on for help. So these are all character flaws that we need to confront. So if you don't like to help out, you don't really like to give, because you feel like, you know, you're always putting yourself first, then you're lacking this quality, but it also could be a form of, of this quality of miserliness, right, lacking that generous spirit. Because again, the prophecy I said, is our model is the most generous of all human beings. And even when he had nothing, he always found something to do. Right. So think about that the next time you're in those situations. Another example, when paying charity, for example, one should smile and be humble, allowing the hand of the indigent to be above the giver's hand. It is a privilege to be in a position to offer charity and an honor to fulfill a divine obligation. It is an, it is anathema to give away in charity what is shoddy and inferior. This is parsimony and miserliness in this. The Muslim tradition is to give away from what one loves. God blesses this charity and extends its goodness. O you who believe, spend from the good things you have earned and from what we brought out for you from the earth and do not seek what is inferior in order to spend from it, though you yourselves would not take it unless your eyes were closed to it and know that God is ever rich and worthy of praise. Allah says in chapter 2, Baqara verse 267, he also says in chapter 3 verse 92, you will not attain to righteousness until you spend of what you love. So that's also really important that we learn to let go of the things that we are attached to and in order to attain righteousness. Because again, the purpose of that is to demonstrate that we love Allah SWT more. So I've had the blessing of having people in my life who absolutely do this. I've had first and foremost my mother, Allah, Allah bless her. She was known. This is something that many people, Alhamdulillah, not just her children witnessed, but she was the type of person. If she gave you a gift, it was the best of quality. It was always the highest quality, always brand new things. She would have the price tag still on. She never used items. She just didn't do that. So Mashallah, that was just a quality she had. But I've known other people as well. I've had close friends. One of my friends, may Allah bless her, she, Mashallah, is probably one of the most generous people I've ever met. If you give her a compliment on anything, it will be yours the next day. She doesn't care. So that's why you can't compliment her. Really, she will give it to you. It'll be in a bag and it'll be waiting for you. And you're like, what? And you're like, oh man, I shouldn't have said anything. Sometimes you make a passing compliment. You give someone a compliment because they look nice. And next thing you know, it's yours. So there are some people, Allah swt has just given that ability to, and they understand. They got the message, right? Or they understood the assignment, as they say. Because they get it that if they give, for the sake of Allah swt, something that really could be replaced, that it's only going to draw them closer to Allah. And that's just a beautiful, beautiful prophetic quality to possess. Generosity is one of the highest virtues of Islam and one of the manifest qualities of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, who is known as the most generous of people. The word for generosity used here is derived from the Arabic word karam, which also means nobility. In fact, one of the most excellent names of God is al-karim, the generous. It is better to go beyond the minimum of what the sacred law demands when giving charity. This is generosity in an expression of gratitude to God, who is the provider of all wealth and provision. The etiology of miserliness is love of the fleeting. So the root of where this comes from, right? The core of how people develop miserliness is that they have an attachment to something that is fleeting, dunya, right? The worldly life is fleeting. Material aspects of this world, that's what dunya refers to. The miser ardently, and this is really something Subhanallah I remember when she comes to first taught these classes many, many years ago, it always stuck with me because of the visual. The miserly ardently clings to his wealth and hordes it. The word for cling in Arabic is mesak, which is derived from another Arabic word that means constipation. Miserly people are those who are unable to let go of something that otherwise poisons them. So think about that, right? The Prophet ﷺ said, God has made what is excreted from the Son of Adam a metaphor for the world, dunya. This is also one of my favorite hadith because when you really start to think about what you prioritize, what you hold on to, and then read a hadith like that, you're like, wow, that Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta'ala has made a metaphor for this worldly life, what we excrete as human beings. Sit with that for a moment, but that is what its value is to the Lord of the universe who created all of this. So what are we holding on to? Nobody, not one of us would hold on to human excrement, and yet we cling to our money, our wealth, our cars, our homes, our jewelry, our scarves, our clothes, our watches, our accessories. We cling to these things as if they are everything. It's a sign of the times, right? When one is hungry, one seeks out food, eats, and is pleased. However, when it leaves the body, it is the most odious of things. Giving zakat is letting go of a portion of one's wealth to purify all of one's other assets and ultimately one's soul. It is possible that one's earnings may have some impurity in it, some doubtful source, by giving zakat when purifies one's provision from whatever unknown impurities that may have entered. Imam Ali said, the worst person is the miser. Why? In this world, he is deprived of his own wealth and in the hereafter he is punished. So the biggest loser actually ends up being a person with these qualities. You don't even enjoy the wealth Allah has given you because you hold on to it, you don't use it, you don't spend it, you don't share it, you're not benefiting others or yourself. And then in the next life, every single penny you did that with is how you're held accountable for it. So it causes your ruin. So you lose in both cases. At least if you enjoyed some of the wealth here, you could be like, well, I lived it up in Jinnah. But when you didn't, subhanAllah, and then you're going to be punished for it, I mean, it's the ultimate loser to have this quality. The ultimate casualty of miserliness is the miser himself. Many wealthy people in our society live impoverished lives, though they have millions in the bank. Their choice of lifestyle is not inspired by spiritual austerity. On the contrary, it causes them great discomfort to spend their money even on themselves and their families, let alone on others. The nature of the miser is that he does not benefit from his wealth in this world and in the hereafter he is bankrupt and debased for refusing to give to the needy. In doing so, he refuses to purify his wealth and prevents it from being a cause of light and relief in the hereafter. The miser would argue that he hoards wealth to alleviate his fear of poverty. Remarkably, however, the miser never truly feels relieved of anxiety. A miser is constantly worried about money and devoted to servicing his worry. That's also another important point, because these are just giving us insight into the mind of a person afflicted with this disease. They have this fear that if they give their money, they're going to lose. So they act as though it's a way of protecting themselves. But then as was mentioned, they never are free from that fear. So it's there is no, it's actually inducing more anxiety and more fear, right? And the Prophet ﷺ once asked some clansmen about their leader and they mentioned his name and said, but he is a bit of a miser. Then the Prophet ﷺ said, a leader should never be a miser. Then he added, do you know any of any disease that is worse than the miser? Alhamdulillah, we're almost at the end, sisters. So the remaining verses are just three. And then he goes into the treatment, which is also just really short. So we'll read this. And then we by then I'm sure we'll have Maghrib and we can come back. So the verses of the poem that remain are really dealing with the treatment for miserliness. So how do we prevent these things from entering our heart? Treat this by realizing that those who achieved affluence did so only by exhausting themselves over long periods of time, thus finally accumulating what they sought. Meanwhile, just as they approach the heights of earthly splendor, death suddenly assails them. Treat miserliness by also recognizing that the same from tomorrow and the hatred people have for them, even hatred among themselves. With the same treatment, treat the person whose heart's ailment is love of wealth. Okay, I'm sorry, they are praying. So let's go ahead and pray, inshallah, then we'll come back. Alhamdulillah, sisters. So I'm not going to keep you too late. We just have a short section to read on the treatment. And then we'll open it up for Q&A. Alhamdulillah, first of all, al-Qabrullah, al-Qabrullah accepts all of our du'aj and prayers. It's now officially jama'ah. So treatment, the treatment, how do we treat ourselves for miserliness? The treatment for miserliness is first realizing that those who achieve wealth usually do so only after exhausting themselves over long periods of time, working for it day and night. Meanwhile, life passes on and time runs out. The culture of wanting more simply for the sake of more can occupy a person for an entire lifetime. But in the end, life is over. It terminates for the beggar and the affluent just the same, whether one is old or young, rich or poor, happy or sad. Imam al-Mulud's council is to reflect long and hard on the fact that just as people climb the heights of affluence and start to achieve what they have worn themselves out for, death assails them without invitation. When death takes us and moves us on, our wealth stays behind for others to wrangle over and spend. One must also realize the level of disdain shown to misers. Nobody likes a miser. Even misers loathe each other. Realizing the hatred people have for misers is enough to turn one away from this disease. So those are, you know, just the practical sort of treatments for this disease. But I think really going through all of the different iterations of it that we went over and checking yourself, do you have problems, right? As we said, being overly consumed with things that are trivial, making, you know, a mountain out of a molehill, as they say, you are not very magnanimous or generous or forgiving of people when they owe you something. When people ask for your help, you do it with a sour face. There's no real generous spirit that comes with that. And you may even hold it over their head. There's some people who, all the bit of, they're counting, right? It's always, they're taking, it's like a tally, you know, sheet that they have of what they've done for you and what you need to do for them. And they're, that's not our way. You shouldn't remember, you know, the favors you do and you should definitely never count them to people. And when it comes to generosity, as we say, the left hand shouldn't know what the right hand is doing. Even within ourselves, we should try to force that magnanimity, right? So as the analogy I gave earlier, looking in your purse or in your pocket for cash, right? Don't take it out and count it all just there, right? I don't even know what was in there, but it's okay. With $30, $50, $100, a low will replace it because he's the most generous. And for that person, inshallah, it makes an impact that could help them in their life in ways that you have no idea, right? Sometimes those meaningful moments of pure love, selfless generosity are what really can help a person. So just having those beautiful virtuous qualities are how we rid ourselves of this disease, right? And then another part of my zooliness that specifically relates to the prophecy I said, I mean, it's something, again, our teachers reminded us many, many years ago, but always stayed with me that I think it's not mentioned here, but might be somewhere else in the book. But when the prophecy I said I was the name is mentioned, the prophecy told us that the one who does not do the salawat is a miser. So when you hear the prophet, Sallallahu Alaihi Sallam's name, reflexively, Sallallahu Alaihi Sallam, Sallallahu Alaihi Sallam, Sallallahu Alaihi Sallam, because you don't want to have any part of this quality, right? You definitely don't want it in all the ways that we mentioned, but you certainly don't want it to be how you are introduced to the prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Sallam, right? Because he will know those who love him, right? On the day of judgment, he will know, we will be distinguished by the marks of our will do by certain qualities, right, that we possess. And he will also know those who are of this category, right? The miser. So we don't want to be those who come on that day, disappointing our prophecy Sallallahu Alaihi Sallam, we want the opposite. So that is training, that's really catching yourself. So when the sheikh is talking, you're listening to a khutbah, you're listening to even a dikir and they're mentioning the Sallallahu Alaihi Sallam, don't just passively listen, okay? Be engaged, right? Be engaged and follow the sunnah. So we heard the other moments ago, be in the practice of repeating the lines of the the verses of the adhan. Just do it. It's sunnah. I'm going to start repeating the verses. And then la hawdo la khutla bi la fir haia la sallah and haia la falah. But everything else, you just repeat after the muavin. Simple. Be in the habit of Friday Juma, when you come, knowing that if you speak, you lose your khutbah, you lose your prayer, right? The khutbah counts for the two rakat that you don't do for the khutbah. So don't shortchange yourself, right? Don't do that to yourself by chit-chatting. You come in, have adab of the masjid, do your two tahiyat al masjid, you do your two rakat of coming into the masjid. We have to start to practice the deen and bring it into real life, right? It has to be animated in our behavior, in our words. Because a lot of times, we deduce the deen to just five daily prayers and Ramadan fasting and Hajj. Shame on us, because the Prophet ﷺ was much, you did much more, and he left us much more than that. But do you see how it's kind of stingy, you could say, to have the medicine of Islam hoarded, not share it with others. That's what we do. When you have this deen and Allah has given it to us, you don't use it to benefit yourself or to benefit others by teaching and setting an example. You harm yourself, you harm society, because again, these things have a ripple effect, right? If all of us right now made a vow to become much better with our prayers, much better with our practice, much better with our deen. Imagine the impact that makes in our relationships, our homes, and how that starts to, again, right? Domino ripple effect to the community. The opposite is true. If we all start watering down our practice, you know, cherry picking, doing things only based on desires and comfort and mood, vibes, whatever people call it these days, then imagine how that's going to also impact our homes, impact our families, our communities, our society. And when you look around, which do you think is happening more? Do you think people are coming together with these strong spirits of like, let's go out there and really, you know, practice our deen as it was meant or as the opposite happening, where we're kind of just letting the deen take over. And so, again, relating it back to miserliness, appreciate what you have, right? We were born into many of us, some of you may be converts, but many of us were born into Islam. Allah swt literally gave us the healing, the medicine before we even had consciousness. I mean, we had any knowledge of our own selves before we even knew our own names, right? Before all these things, we were given the medicine of this beautiful deen by virtue of the families we were born into and the teachers that we were given and the examples that we've been exposed to. All of this has been facilitated for us. So, what is our response? Our response should be to make the most of it, use it and then to be generous with it, right? And generosity is really at the heart of being, not being a miser. I mean, if you want to not have this quality, just be generous. Be a person of magnanimity, of grand, I mean, of big heartedness and just, you know, and give and share of whatever you have. And there's nothing greater that we've been given than this blessing of deen, of Islam, Alhamdulillah wa shukrullah. So, again, really, there's just so much more I advise, or I, you know, really encourage all of you to please get the book if you don't have it, reread it again, really sit with some of the themes that were brought up, and just do that introspection. That's how we do taskiah. Taskiah is a, it's like looking into a mirror, right? And looking at your reflection and really figuring out what needs to be changed. And that's, you know, what this book offers, Alhamdulillah. So, next time we come, we'll cover the next disease which is wantonness, insha'Allah, and that's also very, very relevant today, excessiveness. So, there is kind of a link there. But just to reiterate, the diseases are listed in alphabetical order in Arabic. So, it's not, because sometimes people may read this linearly thinking that the first is the most important, and then I'll get to the end. Don't read it like that. You can actually go through the table of contents and just look at the diseases that speak to you, right? There may be something specific that you're like, ooh, I think I need to work on that, and start there. And you can read it, you know, however way you want, but I think it's, again, advisable to have it. So, Alhamdulillah. Any questions? Very good, Alhamdulillah. So, by my count, I think there are either 26 or 27. Some of them are put together, but if you separate them all, I think there's 27. Yes. And this is lifelong, right? We never, with the diseases of the heart, once you read the book, it's not like you're done. You know, like, oh, okay, I got it. I got the knowledge. Now I can go to the next subject. This is something that you revisit all the time and constantly purify. It's kind of like, you know, the heart is likened to a vessel, right? And what do you do with the vessel? You use it, right? You're drinking from a cup. You're going to have to keep washing it. So, look at your heart that way, that it's being used all the time and, you know, things that shouldn't be in there, get in there, right? The filth of the dinya gets in there. So, you have to cleanse it and empty it out and then pour back in that, which is beautiful, and then adorn it. And that's what this process of this is. I absolutely love this example and I applaud you for sharing. Thank you. What a great example to really hone in on something that I hope was maybe articulated, maybe not. I've done a few different sessions today, so I'm like, I don't know if I mentioned this or not, but I think, you know, what you did demonstrated, you went through, you know, so many different things that we can pull lessons from, like initially the act of generosity, right? Giving your friends gifts. This is, of course, a Hadith, a process that I'm encouraged, giving gifts to promote love between the hearts. So, that's beautiful, right? You're fulfilling that sonnah. And then you let it go for a while. So, that's also where you're showing that generosity of, you know, making excuses. Hosanna v'an, maybe it's a summer. All of that, again, beautiful lessons from there. But then you also did something really important, which is I want to have, you know, cleanse my heart from any resentment. So, this is where you're modeling for us a really good example of being a true person, like truly authentic, right? And not letting, you know, the heart be tormented in a way by these types of whisperings and thoughts, because a lot of people will fake it, right? And they fill themselves with resentment. And then years go by and the resentment, by the way, never really goes away. It just comes out in other ways. You find passive aggressive ways to get people back or whatever, right? So, you were, and I love that you were kind of like, you know what, I just got to confront it. Because again, that's the spirit of our faith, which teaches us to be true people, right? Like, we don't want to be deceptive. We don't also want to let feelings of ranker, which will come in the book soon, you know, like these negative thoughts take over. And the way to do that is to, you know, confront with, I'm sure you did it very tactfully. I'm sure you did it with emotional intelligence. And you did it in a way that just was advocating for something that you wanted to clarity about, right? So, you're modeling, I think, really great examples of how we can, you know, confront these things in a real life way that is true to what we're feeling. We're not, because I think there are sometimes culturally speaking and maybe even spiritually framed notions that we always have to be the martyr. We always have to take the hit. And that makes you a better Muslim. But I don't think that's true. I believe that, as you did, you tried to fight and resist certain feelings. But at a certain point, it was impacting the relationship and you were willing to confront it in order to get, you know, resolution, which is a noble intention. And then, you know, unfortunately, they didn't respond in the way that you would expect, which is to reciprocate. And I think in those situations, I think you demonstrated the right steps. I don't see anything that you did that was wrong. Because if you find that you are giving in a relationship, but it's not being reciprocated and you're not, and then you also find, like in your example, that you're being slighted, then I think you do have to, at a certain point, draw a line that just says, I still want a friendship with you. I still I don't want to cut off ties. I don't want our friendship to go sour. But this on this particular point, we're just going to pivot and, you know, have a just keep it off the table or whatever. And so I think that was a really healthy way of, again, for a minute, you know, dealing with your what was going the conflict that you were experiencing being true to it, and trying your best to find a happy medium where we can still maintain a friendship without, you know, letting this take over. And then, you know, just like I said, falling apart. So I think you handle it really well, Michelle. And I appreciate the share because I think when we talk about letting it go and being petty, you know, those are like trivial things that really don't matter. But maybe sometimes I'm sure if you're married, for example, how many of us have harped on a point that we really didn't care about, but we were annoyed with our spouse, right? So you're just like, I'm just going to get, you know, say this, but I don't really care that much about it. It's just because I am maybe resentful, right? If something else that didn't get done that I wanted him to get done. So now I'm just going to nitpick about this thing, right? People just tend to do that. That's a very enough see response when you're feeling like you're, you know, not being appreciated or, you know, something else is going on. So in those cases where it really is petty, it's not very meaningful and you didn't have to address it. That's where I think it's important to practice this, you know, just let it go. But when it's actually affecting your heart and you're trying to reconcile it and you're trying to move beyond it, but it keeps resurfacing. And it's something that now sheath on may use to further cause damage. I think in that case, you have to, you know, go at it first. Like just, I mean, be confrontational about it and try to, you know, work towards a resolution, but don't avoid it because avoidance oftentimes just makes things worse. And then, you know, you might get to a point where the resentment is so great that it's irreparable, right? And in many cases, that's how a lot of relationships fall apart marriages, friendships, family relationships, because the resentment that a person tries to move past, but can't eventually just eats away all the love in the heart. And now it's just filled with anger and rancor. And so you prevented that by, by much approaching it. I'm sure we could all trust me. I think we can all probably have a long list of examples where we're like, Oh gosh, you know, I really messed up there. But that was a good, a really good example. So just like, oh, yes. Sure. And so that question has come up so many times in my life, in various audiences where people are asking the same question to other much more qualified teachers. And I always feel like they say the same thing, which is when you're dealing and grappling with those really negative feelings towards a person for whatever reason, resentment, anger, you know, unresolved, you know, things from the past. The best thing to do is really turn to Allah, not just to ask him to purge those feelings for you, but also as an exercise of everything we just talked about, make it up for them, right? Specifically. So it's almost like you're turning the negative feelings that you have, you're forcing them into it's like an alchemic sort of forcing process that they become more positive where you actually start to, you know, bring out some compassion. Maybe there's good things that you can think about them. Maybe you know certain things about their life that actually are, you know, that make you feel compassion towards them. And then from there, you ask Allah to increase them in goodness to forgive them. What I have done in the past for people who've hurt me is, and I remember someone a long, long time ago really did me dirty, like they hurt me a lot. And I instead of thinking about what they did to me, because I know Allah is the most just, my mind immediately went to that person being punished severely, like for it. And then I thought like, could I stand by and watch that? And I was like, no, I don't want that person to be punished. I just want to forgive them. And that really helped me to visualize Allah, for example, you know, I have the, like the say, you know, of whether or not they're going to be like dipped into the hellfire, maybe because Allah could say for the wrong that this person did to you, do you forgive them? Or do you want them to be punished? Or do you want to take their good deeds and then they would go? That's what that's according to the hadith, that is what is going to happen in some cases. If you, for example, let's say your, your deeds on the Day of Judgment are at a dead stop even, right? One of the ways that you could tip the scales, is that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, now is calling out all the people who've done you wrong and giving you the opportunity to take their rights, take your rights from them on that day. So you could actually determine another person's eternal damnation. And to me, I feel like that was enough for me to be like, no, I don't want, I don't want anybody to go to hell because of me. I really don't. I don't want a single person in the dunya because of my anger to go to hell. I don't, I'd rather Allah forgive them. And I'd rather me work on my own heart to get to the place where I'm just like, I want to get into jannah at all costs. And if it means forgiving every single person, whoever did anything to me and wanting good for them and trying to be generous and trying to be magnanimous, that's what I want because I want forgiveness for myself. I want my loved ones. I want to see my family. I want to see my friends. I want to see the people I care about in jannah. I want to be just coasting in jannah, not worried about the trivialities of the dunya. And if we can get to that level of mercy or compassion in this world by just chipping away at the resentment with those types of thoughts, I think it'll liberate you. It just gets to the point where you're like, what up? And, you know, again, because I'm a visual person, I just imagine like the day of judgment as the hadith described, everybody's standing in the, you know, the, the, the depths of their sinfulness will, will be like, like sweat that they're, you know, standing in. Some people will be at their ankles, other people at their knees, other people will be drowning in their own sweat because of their sins, right? Accumulated sins. So those types of visuals are enough for me to be like, yeah, Allah, I just don't want to see that. I don't want to be in that position myself. And I'd rather not, anybody that I ever crossed paths with in this dunya because of me being in that position. So kind of owning the power of forgiveness that you have, first to benefit yourself with Allah, not necessarily for the other person's sake. That's a secondary intention, but first really to, to draw closer to Allah. I hope that was clear. Yeah. Yeah, I actually, no, it's a very good question. If someone is continuously harming you, and you are aware that this person is not maybe only harming you, but harming other people, it would be an incredible act of generosity on your part to advise them and to warn them and to give them an opportunity to redress their wrongs, because they may be unaware. They could be completely oblivious or maybe nobody's ever stood up to them before. And this is why the Prophet's wisdom said, help your brother, the oppressor and the oppressed. And this I have, we're like, we understand the oppressed, but how do you help the oppressor? You stop them from the oppression. So if you have the opportunity to give them a see how to someone like, listen, you got to stop this. You know, it's really hurting people, pushing people away. Allah may, you know, hold you accountable. That would be a gift you're giving them, really would be. So I would highly recommend doing that. And I know in some cases when it's elders or family and you're just not sure how to broach the topic, it becomes murky and, but ask Allah for openings. You never know. He may give you a really perfect opportunity to say something during a conversation casually, or maybe you might be able to do something even beyond that, like reaching out directly, having a meeting or writing a letter. I'm always in favor of letter writing. I think we've lost this as, you know, as a society, people don't write anymore. And it does help to write your thoughts out because you can self edit and you'll prevent a lot of the reactionary, like things that tend to dig us further into problems than actually help us because you're thoughtful. You're being thoughtful when you write, right? You're like, no, I shouldn't say that. I think I should praise it better. So maybe a letter could help this person see the error of their ways. And, you know, use the sandwich method, start with really nice praise and love. The meat is where it gets, you know, real. And then you close it off with also messages of love and forgiveness and compassion and love. Try that. So you forget all the negative, yeah. Well, that's where I think having, you know, if you have, like, Mashallah, your sisters here, someone who can help you with that, you know, keep you authentic and true because I know, so there's Mashallah, some people just don't want to hurt any of these feelings. But it's an exercise and it's something that if you write or use the right framing and words, I believe this, I've done it actually for many people before as well. I do think language is a very powerful tool. And if you can tap into your emotions and use the proper language, you can tell anybody anything, like you really can. You can give people the worst of news. You can give people a critical feedback. But it's all about the language you use. And if you have someone to like kind of like a sounding board help you with it, I think you'll do that, Mashallah. Very, very important. I love that you mentioned that. Because I feel like a lot of women because of cultural, and I actually remember a while ago, I put this something on Instagram, but I put something out and a lot of the feedback I got was that women feel very silenced culturally, you know, in many of our cultures, like you were not taught to be outspoken. We're not taught to advocate for ourselves. We're not taught these things because it's considered to be un-ladylike. It's considered impolite. And I think that's a lot of gaslighting, to be honest, because when your rights are completely being taken from you, that is not the time for you to be silent and quiet for the sake of your image. No, it is the time to speak up because you could be preventing harm. And what I find is a lot of these same women who will admit that, yes, they're resentful to their husbands or their mother-in-laws or whoever, what they do unfortunately oftentimes is, like you said, that resentment has to go somewhere, right? And you end up lashing out at your children. You end up lashing out at friends and innocent people who have nothing to do with what's going on, but because you're just so angry internally and you don't have anywhere to go with that, it comes on the most innocent people, right? And even physically, you see people out of the black because emotions are real, you know, and we have to honor what we feel. And that's why, you know, knowing your temperament is really important to, like, when it comes to, like, self-awareness, you know, the qualities of emotional intelligence. Intelligence, the first one is self-awareness. You have to know your threshold. Everybody has a threshold. Everybody has a point, a breaking point. And you've got to know yours, and you have to be willing to, you know, to at a certain point say, enough is enough, right? And I have to, like you said, be authentic, be true to my feelings, and not just for my sake of my ego, sake of my, you know, reputation or my image. I want to say face. It's not just for that. It's also, this person is harming you, and what if they're doing it to other people? So maybe you're the person that can hopefully set them straight, you know? So very important. That's beautiful. That's absolutely an excellent way of coping with a situation like that is really focusing on what matters, right? Which is, you know, when I talk about forgiveness, I always try to help people understand it's not about giving something away to another person, right? Because if you, just like with anything, if you feel like you're going to lose something, you're going to be reluctant to do it, but you're actually gaining something. You gain reward, right? You gain reward with Allah. And if it's a choice you're doing, then you're not, nobody's twisting your arm, right? You're not being in any way humiliated by forgiving someone, right? Because sometimes people think like, well, why should I apologize? Why should I be okay with it? And they kind of think that they're going to, you know, that they need to say face, but we have to, I think, just have a reframing and say, no, when it's your choice, you're being the magnanimous person, you're actually giving to that person. So you are positioning yourself, you know, you're in an advantageous position. You're in a different position. No, you're right, 100%. All guidance is from Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta'ala. All virtue, all good deeds that we do is from Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta'ala. We're just very blessed, like you said, to have his guidance, insha'Allah. And that's why I think when you have these opportunities where it's like, wait, you know, like, what's more important that Allah's happy with me or that I just go and, you know, like, what's more, what is at the end of the day more important? The answer becomes very obvious. Like, I just want the pleasure of my Lord. I want him to be pleased with me. And he is, he is pleased with us when we can show that generosity and forgiveness and negativity. But, you know, it is a process and I don't think we should rush people to doing things. They have to really sit with their feelings and find empowerment. And that's where I think speaking your truth, right? And making sure that it is cushioned with the right language. Because, you know, sometimes you got to deliver harsh realities to people, but be gentle. The prophet said that, you know, anything that is, you know, that is gentle or anything that is, oh gosh, I don't want to mess up the hadith. But basically that when we use gentleness in anything, it is virtuous. And if gentleness is removed from something, it's harmful. So, try to always be gentle. But be true. Insha'Allah. That's a very good question. I think, you know, Allah has told us that he's made everybody differently. Some people are going to be able to do more with their wealth. Some people with their knowledge. Some people with their time. I think you just have to look at the abundance of what you have been given and make the most of that. And make that your charitable offering for his sake. And then as far as the other areas that you would like to see more activity pick up, just make the niyah and say, Allah, when I have more time or when I'm not so consumed, because there usually is a reason, right? If you don't have the time, maybe volunteer or do more, for example, philanthropic hands-on work. It might be because you have a full-time job, you're taking care of responsibilities, right? You're needed elsewhere. So it could just be a logistical issue. It doesn't necessarily have to be like some inner conflict, right? So just say, Allah, when I am able to increase me in these other virtuous acts as well. But for now, because this is what I have an abundance of, and you're so generous to me with this, I want to give for your sake. And that's how you, inshallah, I think, make the most of what he's given you and realize that that's, it's the fact that you're even thinking about giving and this preoccupies you is a great sign, because some people, they don't even think twice about these things. They just live in their life. So you have guidance, inshallah. But it's always good to keep asking for the virtues you want. So if you want to be able to do more, just keep asking. Allah, give me more buttock in my time. Allow me to do whatever it is. XYZ. I want to do more relief work, or I want to travel, whatever it is that you think you can do more of in addition to giving with your wealth. Just ask him for the means, the resources, the ability, but to know for sure that when you want to do something but can't, Allah, out of his generosity still gives you the reward of it anyway. And that's our Lord. When you have a Nia to do something that you cannot do it, you still get the reward. Allah is so generous. So inshallah. All the rewards you seek. All right, sisters. Mashallah. We went over by 15 minutes, which is pretty good. Sometimes we're here for much longer. So I want to thank all of you. I ask you to please turn these back in because we use them every single month. You can just leave them up here and we'll end in dua, inshallah, before we head out. So Bismillah, Rahman, Raheem. And again, thank you so much for coming out. Inshallah, we will see you next time. And please get the book.