 The Harold Perry Show. And now, Harold Perry is Honest Harold the Homemaker. The town of Melrose Springs boasts one radio station and one newspaper both owned by an old boaster named Mr. Carruthers. One of the things he doesn't post about is a radio program on his station called Honest Harold the Homemaker. Why? Well, you'll find out. Listening to Honest Harold is a morning must in Melrose Springs, especially with the ladies. Shall we join them? Good morning girls. Are you ready? A woman likes to be told that her hair is fine as gold. She may know that you're her feller, but it's better when you tell her. A woman likes to be told. Yes, indeed. Time to visit with your old teller, Honest Harold the Homemaker, bringing you news, views, and clues to good products. By the way, girls, I have a very important announcement to make later in the program that concerns all of you, so please stand by. But first, our postman, little Billy, the mighty might and ex jockey. Hal Pell, the outstanding letter today is from a lady in Charlieville. Charlieville, eh? Well, thank you, Billy. Now, let's see. She says, last week I started trading with a different grocer. When the boy arrived at the delivery, I asked him his name. He said Truman. I said, is that your last name? He said, yes, ma'am, my first name is Harry. Harry Truman, I said. That's a pretty well-known name. He said, it ought to be, I've been delivering groceries around here for four years. Well, and now, girls, let's get serious for a moment. The other day, a very high-pressure salesman in California sold me on the idea of introducing a new shampoo product on this program. Because it was new and not fully tried and tested, I asked all you ladies to accept a free sample and then report to me. Since then, I've tried it and I've had numerous complaints from you girls, so I'm canceling the account right now. I'm mad. I may get into a little trouble about this, but I want you to know that Grandma Llewellyn's liquid lather shampoo will never be mentioned on this program as long as I have anything to say about it. Good morning, Station Cage, JP. What's that, madam? After listening to Honest Harold reporting your Grandma Llewellyn's liquid lather shampoo down the drain, I'll tell him, no, I don't think it'll hurt the drain. Thanks for draining. I need for calling. Hello, Station Cage. Oh, hello, Rosemary. Little old Gloria was just about to call you. Did you hear Honest Harold's program this morning? Well, he just went off the air in between you and me. It's liable to be for the last time. Boss Carruthers called his nephew, Mr. Peabody, and Mr. Peabody is going to call Harold and... Oh, here comes Harold out of the studio. I'll call you back. Well, good morning, Glory. Did you hear my program this morning? Yes, I did, Mr. Ham, and Mr. Peabody heard it too. He was eating his breakfast at the time. He choked on his yogurt. He did, eh? Oh, my goodness. Well, you know my policy, Gloria. I test all my products before I... By the way, did you test that new product for me over the weekend? Oh, yes. I spent the entire weekend sunbathing. Good. How did that freckle cream work out? Oh, just wonderful. Got a whole new crop of freckles. Gloria, you're a fine guinea pig. Thank you, kind sir. Well, see you tomorrow, same time, same station. I hope so. Yeah. What? Mr. Peabody wants to see you in his office right away. Is he in there now? I'm afraid so. I can hear him tapping his fingers. I know what you mean. Well, that's radio. Give and take. Only so far I haven't found many who'll take what I have to give. Well, hold the phone and keep your lines crossed. Don't I always? Good luck. Yeah, thanks. She's a nice kid. Well, here goes nothing. Maybe I was a little hasty about cancelling that shampoo account and right on the air like that. I don't know, though. My listeners objected to the stuff. Besides, I tried it yesterday and took all the wave out of my hair. No, sir, I did the right thing. And I'm going to walk right in and tell Mr. Peabody to... Well, maybe I'd better peek through the keyhole first. But a big shot Stanley Peabody, so much as raises his voice to me. Thank you for opening the door. Well, drop in. I almost did. I'm glad you're in such a jovial mood. It may help you digest what I've been discussing with my uncle, Mr. Carruthers. Sit down. Thank you. New furniture, eh? Nice. Yes, look about you. This fine radio station. Thousands upon thousands of dollars were spent directing these handsome studios. Cheap cement. The finest electrical engineers designed our possible transmitters. Mr. Carruthers even hired me at great expense to run the organization. Relative. Then you. You come along and nullify it all. Nullify? Now, hold on, Peabody. You're the one that'd better try to hold on to your job. You're on probation. Probation? Yes. You've gone about as far as you can making the decisions around here. It's got to stop. Stop. Do you hear? The only way I could hear it any better, Chum, is if you were sitting in my lap. This idea of cancelling an advertiser without consulting the management of this station has got to stop. I'm sorry, Stanley, but I must uphold my principles. Your principles? What about this radio station? What's going to hold us up? Not this cheap cement, brother. You've done a lot of unconventional things in your time, but what possible justification did you have to cancel that shampoo account? Well, my listeners complained about it. And just what great fault did your listeners find with the shampoo? Well, as one little woman put it, there's too much sham and not enough poo. Products no good. Why did you accept it in the first place? Well, we wouldn't have accepted it. Honest, Harold, you've made Mr. Carothers very angry. You've made me very angry, too. You ruined my breakfast this morning. I'm sorry you choked on your yogurt. I mean... Please, now listen to me. Harold, if you must crusade, why don't you go after something worthwhile, such as lowering taxes? Are taxes too high? Or try to do something to better Melrose Springs? I'll give you an example. Mrs. Carothers, my aunt, who you know is the political leader among the women of this town, is planning to run me for mayor. Now, why don't you convince your listeners that I should be their next mayor? I thought you wanted me to do something to better Melrose Springs. Get out! And remember, you've got one more chance. But stay out before I do something that'll put me in true Detective Magazine! Yes, I'd better go. That's murder. True Detective Magazine. That's me, buddy. I'd like to condense his head for Reader's Digest. Only they wouldn't buy it. What a fine mayor he'll make. Why didn't I fight back? I don't have to take that sort of talk from anybody. My 1936 S6 is almost paid for. This is a free country. Of course, I don't want to be so free. I don't have a job. I've got responsibilities. There's mother, little Billy. Gotta keep little Billy with me or you'll drift back to the racetracks. Hey there, crooner! Well, hello, Doc. Talking to yourself, weren't you? That's better than talking to some people, I know. I always did prefer animals to people. Yeah, I know, Doc. In fact, yes, that's why I became a veterinarian instead of an MD. Animals are more considered. I never did have a horse call me in the middle of the night unless it was serious. Yeah, you're wonderful, Doc. Can I drop you any place? Well, I'm heading home. Fine, hop in. Just came downtown to get some dog biscuits. Have one? Better take two, they're small. No thank yous. Cram full of vitamins. They don't crackle or pop, but they got plenty of snack. Doc, don't tell me you eat those things. No, I just give them to my dogs. Only things that'll keep them from barking during your radio program. I'd like to feed some of those dog biscuits to Stanley Peabody. He looks like an aerodixel. You and Stanley don't get along too well, do you? Well, not many fellas do, when they're in love with the same girl. I guess not. If Stanley could get me out of the way, he'd probably marry Evelina. Can't understand what you two see in that niece of mine. All she is is young and pretty. Yeah, she's beautiful. Well, all our scanties are. She's domineering though. Why, she even tells old man Crothers how to run his newspaper. If I had a secretary like that, I'd marry her if she'd have me. She's taking care of me, the twins, and all the stray dogs and cats I'm treating. I don't know, she's got room for one more. What? Besides my nephew from Cleveland's planning to visit us. Quite a fella that boy. Makes $45 a week when he's not striking. This is a fine time for me to be thinking about getting married, Doc. I'm about to lose my job. What, again? Yeah, serious this time. In fact, Mr. Crothers had Stanley put me on probation. He says if I want to crusade, I've got to get behind some community project. What are you slowing down for? Is this spring wagon out of gas? Oh, no, no. This is the school zone, Doc. Oh, yeah. See, if you want a good community project, son, how about getting the town to build a livery stable? A livery stable? There aren't any horses in this town? Well, that might bring them back. Get some of these cars off the streets. Devils plating. Now, Doc, they're just an old, funny duddy. Oh, say, watch out for that little kid. What? Oh, I'll drive around them. Hang on, Doc. Made it. Where are we? Up on the curb. And I suspect only three tires left. Certainly close. Look at that scallywag run for the schoolhouse. I'll bet he's scared. He's scared? There ought to be a policeman on this corner. See, Doc, I'm getting an idea. Let me out. I'm getting a horse. In fact, the school principals, that they're all behind me, I just can't wait to tell Evelyn about this. I hope the dear little twin sisters have gone to bed. Old Doc Yak Yak, too. Dear old Doc, I wonder if the old boy sleeps standing up like a horse. Oh, come in, Harold. Well, thank you, Emmy. Lovely dress. Thank you. I was hoping you'd drop over. I've been worried. I understand you had some trouble at the radio station. Yeah, I did. But today I hit on a plan that'll make Mr. Carothers approve of me. Well, take it from the secretary, Harold. It'll have to be quite an idea. Oh, this is. I'm going to start a radio campaign to put a policeman in every corner of every schoolhouse so that our children can cross our streets. Oh, that's a wonderful idea, Harold. Is Mr. Carothers enthused? Well, I haven't spoken to Mr. Carothers yet. Got a call in for Stanley to call me here. Hey, what's that you're doing? Oh, I'm proofreading a series of articles that Mr. Carothers wrote for his Sunday editorial. It's on one of his pet subjects, lip-reading. Lip-reading? He's a bit deaf, you know. Deaf, too? Well, I've discovered that you can learn a lot about people by not pitching their lips. Well, a fella doesn't like to just watch some lips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Harold. You know, I've been practicing lip-reading here in front of the mirror. Mirror? Wouldn't it be more fun practicing with something not quite so cold? A nice, live, chubby assistant? I'm available here. All right. Now, you watch how my lips form the words. Oh, brother, I'm watching. Now, after me, make the lips form a simple word like rhubarb. Rhubarb? Well, this is silly. No, it isn't. It isn't? Well, let me have some merit. Let's see. Now it's my turn. Now, you form a word with me, huh? Ready? Say prunes. All right. Prunes. Harold, that wasn't fair. No, but it was mighty tasty. Evie. Yeah? It's strange that lip-reading should make me think of marriage, but now that I'm sure my job again is... Oh, that must be Stanley now. Yeah, he timed it well. I'll get it. Is that you, him? Did you call me? Yes, I did, Stanley. I've taken your advice. Oh, really? Your suggestion about crusading to better Melrose Springs? I want you to tell Mr. Carruthers about it. Oh, I certainly will. You mean about deciding to back me for mayor? Oh, no, no. My idea is to have a policeman on every corner at every school. What? A policeman on every corner? Hemp, do you realize that there are four schools in this town and that there are four coffers at each school? That's 16 additional policemen. Eight, 12, 16. He's right. 16 policemen. Do you know what that means? It means safety for our school children. It means higher taxes. And do you know who pays most of the taxes in this town? Well, Mr. Carruthers, of course. Exactly. And what may I ask is wrong with the suggestion I gave you? Do you mean to back you from mayor's? Certainly. Well, Stanley is one of my lady listeners so aptly put it, too much sham and not enough poo. That did it. To kind of praise, my dear boy, you've reached the end of your rope. You're fired. Fired? But Stanley? I guess he didn't like my idea. Yeah, I sure am. Well, Mother always said, it's important to have an open mind, but I've got a hole in my head. We'll return for the second act of our story, Honest Harold, in just a moment. But first, be listening later tonight when Horace Hyde presents the cream of the talent he's found in his journeys around and about America. The Horace Hyde Original Youth Opportunity Program is heard every Sunday on most of these same CBS stations. And now back to the Harold Perry Show. We're back in Honest Harold's home town Melrose Springs. It's the next day and we find ourselves at the radio station. Little Billy, the mighty might, has just stepped out of the elevator with a very large bag of mail and is making his way to the reception desk. Hiya, beautiful. Well, here I am with the mail. Say, could I talk to you in playing a little post office? Billy, how can you make jokes at a time like this? Well, it is a little early, Gloria. No, I mean, hasn't Harold told you? Something I should know? Well, I guess he didn't want to worry you, but he isn't the homemaker here anymore. What? He's been replaced with an organ recital. Hey, I gotta see him. Where did he go? Home to mother, I guess. Yes, Mother. By the way, it's nice having lunch at home like this again for change. Don't you want a little dessert, Harold? I think I've had enough lunch, Mother. I'm trying to keep my weight down, you know. You're not too fat. Oh, yes, I am. The last time I took a train trip and got into an upper, it immediately became a lower. But you won't be. If you don't stop worrying and eat more. Well, you can save my dessert for little Billy. There you go. Always thinking about other people. Now, take me, for instance. You? Yes, I hold you back. A nice boy like you should be married and have a home of his own. A man deserves those things when he's touching 40. I'm not touching 40, Mother. I'm beating the living daylights out of it. Besides, I couldn't do without you. Well, I'm off. Where? You haven't a program anymore? I found a program, Mother. I'm going down to the Hoover school. If the city won't hire extra policemen, I'll direct traffic there. Oh, that sounds wonderful, my boy. Oh, but here, if you're going to school, I'd better wrap up your dessert. Oh, but, Mother. Now, Harold, remember how hungry you always got when you went to school? Here's your pie. Pie? Yes, lemon chiffon. Mother, remember my diet. Lemon is on your diet. Oh, dear. There's is not to make reply. There's is not to reason why. There's but to do and die. I guess I'll take the piece of pie. Look at this piece of pie. Can't hold it in my hand while I'm directing traffic. Oh, well, I'll eat it. Wonderful. Good crust. Dear old Mother. She really thinks I ought to get married. Married to Evie. That'd be wonderful. Everlight, that moon. Hear that little old Bob Leeds. Everline, I see so pretty. She can't cook as well as Mother, but that's good. I can stay on my diet. What about Mother and little Billy? Maybe Billy could be our babysitter. Baby. I want a large family. Five would be enough. Probably have to leave Melrose Springs. Maybe I could get a job in television. I could be a test pattern. Evie would probably marry Stanley Peabody then. Well, he's going to be mayor. She'd like that. Mrs. Mayor Peabody, oh brother. Let's see if now I'll walk faster and lose that little chalky. Hey, what's this I hear about you being scratched? Yeah, scratched? Billy, must you always use that racetrack lingo? You've got everybody in this town doing it. Sure. I'm getting to be a favorite here. There you go again. Mrs. Peabody. Now, Billy, you promised me when you came to live with us here in Melrose Springs that you wouldn't get in any trouble. But you've got a lot of good races left in you. I ain't letting them send you to the glue fat forces. Excuse me, Billy, but that's no pool. That's a bird bath. Besides, Billy, I don't want to fight anybody. They did turn down my school plan, but I still think I was right. So I'm going to the Hoover School myself. You mean you're going to direct traffic? Sure. Somebody's got to help those children across the street. Well, Peabody may think he's running you out of the money, but his nose ain't crossed the wire yet. See you later. And Billy, what are you up to? Me? Nothing. Excuse me. I got to see a horse doctor about a stubborn mule. Horse doctor about a mule? Oh, well, that sounds logical. Dr. Yancey speaking, it's your nickel star talk. In consultation with the patient. A patient? Yeah. I'm clipping a sheep. Never the same again after you have a phone put in. I'll share you later. Hey, infants. Scoot across while I have the car stopped. Don't stand there looking at me. Come on. Scoot. Yeah, that's it. Hello, Joey. How's your mommy? All right, you and that hot rod and proceed with caution. Pull in that pipe, brother. Let's cross right away and let's look where we're going now. Huh? That's it. All right, mister. You're next. You're next. Wish I did know something about lip reading. Thank you for waiting for the children, ma'am. Wonder if she's got a license. Well, I kind of like this kind of work. Maybe I missed my call. I guess I'm just a frustrated policeman. Getting kind of quiet though. Imagine all the classes have been dismissed. Seems to be the last of the kitties. Can I cross now, Constable? Oh, hello, Doc. How are you getting along with your new job? Well, that's the bigger job than I thought it was going to be. I think I need a whistle. Well, if you wait until that new third grade teacher walks by, I'll whistle for you. Doc, remember your age. I never have to. Everybody else does. Anyway, the children have all gone home. I think I'll go too. Oh, wait a minute, Harold. I just got here. Why don't you stick around for a while? Show me your stuff. Oh, no, no. I'm all finished here. Well, there may be another kid or two around, playing behind the school line. I don't think so, Doc. Well, besides, isn't this about the time that Mrs. Carruthers drives Stanley Peabody by here on the way home? Well, yes. It is nearly four o'clock, and they do it every day. Oh, if I was you, I'd stick around and let Stanley see you donating your services to the town like this. Huh? Well, he ought to make him mighty ashamed for himself. Well, I doubt that, Doc. Anyway, let's let bygone be bygone. Well, you stick to that attitude, and it won't be long. Say, who's that upstarting that station wagon? Looks like Mrs. Carruthers' car. Yeah. She's traveling pretty fast. Yeah. Too fast. Say, look at that child in that cowboy suit. Where did he come from? Say, he's going to run across the street. He can't see on account of that big hat he's wearing. Little boy, don't run out there on the street. Oh, he stumbled and fell. Stop. Stop that car. Peru, don't jump in front of that car. Stop. Yes, Mrs. Carruthers. Is the child all right? Yeah, he's OK. Look at him streak through those bushes. What are you doing standing out there, standing all over the street, Ham? What does it look like, Stanley? I've been directing traffic. Yeah, somebody's got to do it. Oh, Mr. Ham, how can I ever thank you? You kept me from hitting that youngster. Yeah, well, that's why I was here. This is a dangerous spot. There should be policemen on these corners to act as crossing guards. You're so right, Mrs. Carruthers. Something should be done immediately. Mr. Ham, why don't you campaign for it on your wonderful radio program? Well, I don't have a radio program anymore. What? Stanley fired me. What's this, Stanley? No, Andy, I just take orders from Mr. Carruthers. Well, Mr. Carruthers takes orders from me. How many does it matter? Mr. Ham, you've been rehired. I have? Yes, but it may not be for long. Well, that's, it won't. But a long time now, we've needed an honest man in Melrose Springs, one who is interested in our city and our children. When the women voters of Melrose Springs meet tomorrow, I'm going to submit your name for mayor. Me, mayor? Sir Nautra here is your boy, ma'am. Andy, I thought you were going to support me. We support you anyway. That's your quarter. Doc, if it's Mrs. Carruthers, do you think I'm really qualified? I don't think I want to be mayor. Now, don't argue with me, young man. You're as good as elected. Stanley, close your mouth and let's go home. Hey, goodbye, Mrs. Carruthers. That turned out slick, didn't it? Doc, it couldn't have been planned better. Yep. What'd you say? You can tell little Billy to come out from behind those bushes now. Yeah, we thought that little hop along Cassidy suit was a perfect disguise. Well, I've been thinking, nobody but a jockey could take a fall like that, roll over and come up on his feet running. He'd be real upset with both of you. That wasn't honest, fellas. No, that was politics. And with us behind you, you'll be mayor before you know it. Mayor, eh? Good night, voters. You just heard the Harold Ferry show, Honest Herald. The supporting players included Jerry Marron, Ken Peters, Dora Singleton, Catherine Card, and Lois Corbett. And featured Gloria Holiday as Gloria and Joseph Kearns as old Doc Yak Yak. Norman MacDonald directed and the music was composed and conducted by Jack Meakin. William Danch contributed additional dialogue to Mr. Ferry's original script. Hit the jackpot, previously heard at this time, has moved to CBS on Tuesday night on most of the same CBS station. Be listening this next Tuesday night for Bill Cullen and Hit the Jackpot, won't you? Stay tuned for Percy Faith and his pause at Refresh's music which follows immediately on most of these same stations. This is CBS. Recall us how she was heard on Sunday night. Columbia Broadcasting System.