 Hello, Site42. It's Dr. Sumerian again. I'm a bit of a cold, you might be able to tell. This week I'm going to continue reading things that Bright is not allowed to do at the Foundation. I hope you enjoy it. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to play Hippocratic Oath Chicken with the medical staff. A full minute of stunned silence means, my God, what did you do? Not please continue. Pranks placed into new staff's desks are not funny because they liquefied in record time. Attempts to use Foundation radio telescopes to contact omniscient, omnipotent extraterrestrial entities will result in a bill for damage to local spacetime, including the cost of demoting objects to dwarf planet status. Despite his degree, Dr. Bright is not allowed to either prescribe or administer any of the following. Enemies, homeopathic remedies, any sort of medication, free hugs, the healing power of laughter, sexual healing, or more cowbell. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to offer the solution of, use more guns to a problem. Or get bigger guns. Despite what he may say, and any evidence to the contrary, no matter how plausible, the SCP Foundation has never and will never be associated with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And regardless of what Dr. Bright may say, he is not, and I quote, a real life wizarding tutor. And we'd like to ask him to stop showing us his wand. And nor is he a vampire. That was body glitter and bad acting. And despite what the computer file on him may say, he is not Moabdib. The spice can flow just fine without him. Also, the Tamlin House School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is just a plain bad idea. Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason. No, this does not logically imply that anyone is ethically obligated to demonstrate the existence of breasts under laboratory conditions. If Dr. Bright is ever found under the influence of any recreational substance, he must immediately be placed under level 15 containment. If you want to know why, please refer to the security tapes. And if Dr. Bright is found deliberately getting high to get out of paperwork, he is to be placed in a type four cell and hosed down with cold water from a pressurized hose for no less than five minutes. Maybe this will teach you that drugs are bad, okay? Cthulhu and really eth are not valid reasons to send Pandora's box out into the Pacific Ocean in order to capture them. Furthermore, these are not even SCPs, and I will find the person who decided to enter a database file for them. Dr. Bright cannot change the standard-issued D-class uniform to black pants and a red polo shirt. I see your reasoning, but we just don't want to be associated with Star Trek. No matter how many times he may claim it, no matter how many uniforms he may confiscate, Dr. Bright is not a ninja, nor has he ever been a ninja. And no, not even if he uses SCP-281 to do it. There are no security codes for a zombie conga line, a badass hat, vampire can-can, disco corpses, intense homoeroticism, who-mama, necrophilia, extreme crotch violence, man disguised as a palm tree, man with porn stash, kung fu rasta, puppy eating monks, justifiable homicide of all you dumbass mother humpers, the Bright family reunion, actually code brown, find a place to hide, make sure you leave an offering of booze outside your door if that actually happens, or the Dr. Kondraki beach party. Also, just because Bright is a doctor does not mean he is the doctor, and it doesn't matter how many British men he possesses. No, SCP-963 is not proof against this, nor is any structure that results from placing SCP-184 inside of a police call box, and adopting female members of staff and calling them companions is right out. An SCP-297 is not a sonic screwdriver. While humor can be an effective way to improve staff morale, it is highly inappropriate to make your mom jokes in the vicinity of SCP-597. Dr. Bright may not classify any researcher, including himself, as a memetic hazard. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to accept or use the following as payment for bets. Your soul, anybody else's soul? Virgin's blood, reproductive organs, SCPs, memories, real or imagined, pieces of your past. I don't even know how you worked this out with Clef, but apparently he can do that? The Isle of Manhattan, beads, firstborn children, secondborn children, red-headed stepchildren, rented mules, gold spun from straw, a child's laughter, a child's tears, virginity, anal virginity, oral virginity, nasal virginity. Actually, I don't even want to know. Naval virginity? What does that even mean? Ponies? Anyone's grandmother? Anyone's grandfather? Anyone's sister? Or any of his blood relatives? No matter how many times he photoshopped himself into a picture of SCP-682, and no matter how many Australians he possesses, Bright is not and never was the crocodile hunter. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed unsupervised access to SCP-387. Researchers are still trying to figure out how an animate model of 682 was so invulnerable, despite being made of just plastic blocks. Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new researchers experimenting on SCP-168 to divide by zero, find the square root of negative one, or find the last digit of pi using the SCP. One of our doctors is still comatose, and 168 itself is still quite displeased with the event. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to use examples from Star Trek when administering Turing tests to artificial intelligences of any sort. Computer hardware does not grow on trees, damn it. Dr. Bright is not allowed to plant SCP-2383-J in science labs. We're still picking up complaints from the office of Stephen Hawking. No, not even for the good of science, or even science for the science god. Dr. Bright is not allowed to refer to himself as any of those things either. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-587 to reenact the locker scene from Men in Black, nor is he allowed to play Godzilla for its inhabitants, nor is he allowed to set himself up as a god to them. Testing between SCP-786 and SCP-587 is also banned. David and Goliath scenarios are just harmful to its inhabitants, as was the Godzilla incident. Dr. Bright is also not allowed to use SCP-786 to simulate dwarf fortress. Dr. Bright is not allowed to show SCP-682 any of the following. Any Huey Bowl movies, The Room, Troll 2, Manos, The Hands of Fate. Movies considered so bad they're good. Movies considered cult classics. You know what, Dr. Bright? You're just not allowed to show 682 any movies ever. Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim SCP-014-J has breached containment and then leave a dining fort in the hallway. Dr. Bright is not 05-J. No such position exists anyway. Dr. Bright is not allowed to give SCP-239 a copy of any Harry Potter books. Seriously, what did you do? Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-141 to give people parking tickets. Dr. Bright is not allowed to send anything into the past or the future or to alternate dimensions. Dr. Bright is not allowed to accuse people of being duplicates of himself with the intention of having them terminated unless they actually are duplicates of himself. Dr. Bright may not put a cup of orgasm from SCP-294 through SCP-914 on the very fine setting. Dr. Bright may not use SCP-294 to create a cup of memetic orgasm and use it on national TV. You know what, let's just not allow Dr. Bright to use SCP-294 to create orgasms of any kind, memetic, sentient, or otherwise. And also, giving the results of requesting a cup of Dear God No, Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-294 directly or outside of approved testing. Now that he's asked another staff member to request a cup of Explodium from SCP-294 to see what would happen, Dr. Bright is not allowed to ask other staff members to access SCPs for him no matter how instructive, funny, or helpful the results might be. The only exception to this is SCP-963. Dr. Bright is not allowed to make, accept, or create a raffle on XK Class End of the World scenarios. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to access SCP-732-infected documents along with SCP-239. MTF Lambda-2 has been dispatched to contain Chowder clef. And Dr. Bright is not allowed to organize, authorize, or create in any form a foundation Demolition Derby Starring SCPs. No, just no, and not even if you try to throw in 682 as some sort of grand finale in disguise as a termination attempt. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to get on the PA system at Site-19 and announced he just won the game. You know what? Dr. Bright is never allowed on the PA system for any reason ever. Dr. Bright is not allowed to request access to all cubicle SCPs to make a fort of any kind. Dr. Bright is not allowed to play hot potato with SCP-963. Dr. Bright is not allowed to arrange, schedule, advertise, promote, or sell tickets to cage matches between ABLE and 682 or any other SCPs. I don't care how many O5s agree to it or how many precedents there are. Dr. Bright is not allowed a pet SCP. Dr. Bright is not allowed to combine a cadaver infected with SCP-008 and SCP-217. And Dr. Bright and Clef are no longer allowed to engage in research or any activity involving 40 gallons of Superballs. Also the aforementioned are not allowed to blackmail D-Class personnel into conducting such activities for them. Challenge accepted is not a valid excuse for anything. Dr. Bright is not allowed to lease out SCP-002 even if he includes the option to buy it. Dr. Bright is not allowed to dress up as Joseph Stalin and Ambush Agent Strelinkov in the hallways. And to be fair, Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to dress up as any communist dictator because there's no way it could end well. Dr. Bright is not to be allowed access to the cafeteria menu at any time, nor is he allowed to get anyone else to access it for him either directly or indirectly. Dr. Bright is not allowed to introduce small children to the giving tree. All right, we're going to go ahead and end the episode here. If you enjoyed it, please watch another one of my videos on my own channel. You can see a link to that on the screen right now, or you can check out another video on Sherm's channel and subscribe to both of us. Thank you very much for watching.