 J-G-L-L-O! The Jell-O program coming to you from the Civic Auditorium in Oakland, California for the benefit of President Roosevelt's Infantile Paralysis Fund, The March of Dimes. The orchestra opens a program with Billy. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to tell you something now that I think is mighty important, and this is it. Into every single package of Jell-O goes one ingredient that can't be weighed or measured. The persistent and never-ending desire for perfection. This is the ideal by which the makers of Jell-O have steadily progressed toward a more perfect product, the strict standard to which they've been unfailingly devoted. As a result, constant improvements have been made in the rich tempting taste of Jell-O's six delicious flavors and the rare glowing beauty of Jell-O's six lovely colors. To make the good better and to make the better best has been Jell-O's everlasting aim, and perhaps that explains why every day more and more people enjoy Jell-O's luscious, thrilling goodness. Yes, sir, that's why today's Jell-O, so rich and radiant, so truly satisfying, is more than ever America's most popular gelatin dessert. A man who was so anxious to appear at this benefit tonight that he drove all the way from Los Angeles to Oakland in his 1923 Maxwell. Boy, am I stiff. A man who braved the elements, unflinching and courageous, and made this hazardous journey through wind, rain and storm. Here he is, folks, that fearless adventurer, that unsung hero of the Jell-O program, Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you. Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny talking, and, Don, when you said I braved the elements to get here, no truer words were ever spoken. What a trip. Would you like to hear about it? Not particularly. Well, we left Beverly Hills Monday morning at exactly 5 a.m. It was quite dark and it had just began to drizzle. Nevertheless, Rochester and I loaded up with provisions, put our Oakland or bus sign on the car, and stepped into the Maxwell. At 6-12, we got the motor started, and eight hours later, we arrived in the thriving little town of Santa Barbara, but determined to go on. I see. Well, tell me, Jack, are you enjoying yourself here in Oakland? Wait a minute, Don, I'm not here yet. Oh, by now the drizzle had turned into a steady pouring rain. It was cold and dreary, and the wind was howling like a pack of hungry wolves. Ah-oo! Ah-oo! Oh, it was ghastly. Well, you're here anyway. Tell me, Jack. Don, you should have heard that wind and rain. People stared at us as we drove by and said, Why, they're mad. They'll never make it the fools. They call us fools, Don. But just the same we pushed on, San Luis Obispo, Paso Robles, King City, Salinas, on and on through the night with the rings flash, flash, flash, and that front tire going flap, flap, flap against the bend. I thought I'd go crazy. Oh, it was awful. Well, now that you're here, Jack, how about... We drove on and on through the night. Little knowing what was ahead of us, and then came mutiny. Mutiny? Yes, Rochester wanted to turn back. But I said no. We started for Oakland, and that's where we're at going. I see. Well, now that you're here, Jack, how about... The following morning, tired and weary, we arrived in the peaceful little town of San Jose. Here we stopped and enjoyed a hearty number one breakfast at the Extra Blanket is Free Motel. Upon bidding mo adieu, we discovered that in our absence, a truck had nudged the rear end of my car, causing a complete nervous breakdown. So I left Rochester to cope with the situation, hailed a passing greyhound, and here I am at the Civic Auditorium in Oakland, California. Thank you, thank you, thank you, and I'm sure glad to be back here... Hey, wait a minute, Bill, wait a minute. That ovation wasn't for you. I just told our audience about my hazardous journey to Oakland, and they applauded. Then I'll go out and come back in again. I want to get my own reception. Boy, what a Hamola. Anyway, Don, it was a tough, grueling trip, but it was worth it just to be here for the benefit for the march of dimes. Imagine, Don, playing before such a large audience over 9,000 people. Isn't this an enormous place? It certainly is. I'll bet that from way up in the balcony, we look like two tiny ants. Well, I don't know about me, Don, but you look like an ant that needs bending exercises. But at that, we must seem pretty small in a place this size. Look at that man sitting way back there all alone in the last row. Oh, yes, I wonder if he can hear us. I'll find out, Don. Hello? Can you hear our program? But you know, Don, when we do a broadcast from a place like this, we should always... Hi, everybody. This is Happy Harris talking. Hollywood's gift to Oakland, California. This is Hollywood's gift. Phil, this is a benefit performance on a special occasion, so you could have made your entrance tonight with a little dignity. What are you talking about? I'm sober. I know, Phil, I've already given you a gold star for that. But you don't have to show off. Look at that audience there. 9,000 people. Doesn't that thrill you? Why, Jackson, when I saw that crowd and realized how popular I am here, I cried like a baby. Oh. You mean you're the drawing part? Who else? Listen, Phil, if you were the only attraction here tonight, this benefit would need a benefit. And I nearly killed that gag, too. And by the way, Phil, I tried to locate you last night. Where are you staying? Oh, I got the bridal suite at the Hotel Oakland. The bridal suite? Yeah, I asked them for the best they got, and that's what they gave me. Well, that's rich. The bridal suite. Where are you staying, Don? I'm rooming with Phil. Hope you'll both be very happy. Stop it, Jack. Well, it's been quite a problem, Don. You see, I have friends in both cities. So I took a room at the Leamington here in Oakland and also a room at the St. Francis in San Francisco. Oh, a room with two towns, huh? Yes, it's sort of a suite with a connecting bridge. I got on the ferry to go to the bathroom the other day, and I wound up and saw Seledo. It's a bit confusing, but it's homey. Well, look who's here in Oakland, Cal. Mary lived the Jell-O-Gal. You've heard from Don and Phil and Jack. And if you don't like me, I'll go right back. Mary! Gee, thanks, everybody. Oh, boy, isn't this a big place? I'll say it is. You know, Jack, I climbed way up there in the balcony a few minutes ago to see how you all look. And you know how far it is? How far? You can't even see the bags under Phil's eyes. No fooling. Gee, Mary, from way up there, I'll bet I look like a high school kid. Yeah, an old gray high school kid. That's so. Well, just for that, I'm going to climb way up there myself and see what you look like. You'll never make us. Don't be too sure about that. I'll make it all right. Say, Mary, I was looking for you last night. Where are you living? I'm stopping with relatives here in town. My uncle Lou and Aunt Rose. Oh, that's right, Mary. Your uncle's in the fish business, isn't he? Yeah, pew. When you think that's something, here's what that'll kill you, Mary. Oh, this will really kill you. Phil and Don have the bridal suite at the Oakland Hotel. Is that a laugh? Yeah. Do you want another laugh? What? Dennis Day is sleeping in the back of that. The three of them bunking together, eh? And they talk about me being cheap. Hey, maestro, it's about time for a number. Have you something especially arranged for this occasion? Yes, sir. I got a real sizzler. Well, play it loud. I want that fellow in the last row to hear it. Don't worry, Jackson, the way we play, President Roosevelt will hear us. And Mrs. Roosevelt, wherever she is. Go ahead, Phil. Hold it a minute. Come in. Where's Poodle in your dog show? Dog show? Oh, you made a mistake, madam. This is the Civic Auditorium in Oakland. The dog show is being held at the Civic Auditorium in San Francisco. Oh, I'm sorry. Come along, Tee-Tee. Oui, oui, madame. Well, that's the first time I ever heard a dog speak French. Play happy. Just say, Phil, that number sounds familiar. You played it on our program just a few weeks ago, didn't you? Yeah, we're going to keep on playing it until we get it right. Well, don't get sore about it. I just noticed that that's all. And now, ladies and gentlemen, gee. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction this evening, the Benny Opinion Is Divided players have prepared one of their famous detective mysteries. Now, as we have friends from both Oakland and San Francisco in our audience tonight, we couldn't make up our minds which city to favor. So after much deliberation, we finally decided to call our play Murder on the Bay Bridge. Or he got halfway across when he got it. Now, I will play the part of Detective Captain O'Benney of Police Headquarters. And, Don, you're going to be my assistant. Oh, that's fine, Jack. And you, Mary, you're going to be the victim's wife. He's a strong, handsome fellow with flashing eyes and a marvelous physique. And you kill him. I must be nuts. That's right. And you, Phil, you're going to be Mary's lawyer and you're also her sweetheart. I get it, the internal triangle. That's eternal. A fine lawyer. Now, where's Dennis Day? Oh, Dennis. Yes, please. Oh, here it is, folks. They're all popular here. Say, Dennis, this is your first trip up here. How do you like it? Oh, it's wonderful. You know, Mr. Benny, I went over to Treasure Island to see the fair and it's closed. Well, certainly it's closed. Gee, and I had $5 to spend. $5? If they didn't own that, they'd open it again. Re-opening in the spring. Now, Dennis. Say, Mr. Benny, I meant to ask you, did you have a nice trip up here in your Maxwell? Oh, Dennis, you'll never know what I went through. It was the worst experience I've ever had. Pretty bad, huh? Bad? Listen to this, Dennis. We left Beverly Hills Monday morning at exactly 5 a.m. It was quite dark and it had just begun to drizzle. Ladies and gentlemen, in as much as I've heard this story before and you have also, let me say a few words about our product, Gallow, America's flavored gelatin dessert. The next time you feel in the mood for a treat, go down to your neighborhood grocer and ask him for a package of this tempting, delicious dessert. It is not only economical and easy to make, but comes in six delicious flavors. Why, then, man? So be sure to sit on jelly and jello. Look for the big red letters on the box. Just the same we pushed on. Remember, folks, J-E-L-L-O spells jello, and jello spells a treat. And here I am in Oakland, California. I tell you, Dennis, I wouldn't go through that experience again for a million dollars. It takes plenty of stamina and endurance. Well, I'm practically a pioneer. Oh, Jack, I never saw a guy with your imagination. You have to dramatize everything. What do you mean? Look what happened the other day at your house. Who was it, Mary? His living room curtain's caught on fire and Jack took out a fiddle and played. Ha-ha-ha! Nero Benny, that's rich. Now, wait a minute. I happen to be playing my violin at the time of the fire. I was not posing as Nero. Then why were you wearing a toga? I wasn't a toga. That was my night shirt. I was on my way to bed. With an olive branch in your hair? Oh, quiet. I've got a play to announce here. Now, Dennis, in our murder mystery tonight, you're going to be a traffic cop. So here's a whistle for you. Oh, boy. Wait till the play starts. And now, folks, our drama will go on immediately after Dennis Day's song, which will be... Excuse me a minute. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Rochester. Oh, hello, Rochester. Where are you at the hotel? No, I'm still in San Jose. San Jose? For heaven's sake, Rochester. Haven't you got that car fixed yet? Well, I had a mechanic working on it all day. He fixed the motor all right and put some new gears in the transmission. I see. But the rear end is still droopy. Well, as long as it runs, drive it in. How much are the repairs going to cost me? Rochester. I said how much are the repairs going to cost me? Boys, are you standing up or sitting down? I'm standing up. How much is it? It had to be done, you know. Rochester, for the last time, how much did he charge for fixing the car? $27.50. Goodbye, boys. Wait a minute. $27.50. Now, listen, Rochester, I've got a good idea. In the first place, was the truck driver's fault for bumping into us. So, naturally, he's responsible for it. I want you to go to that guy and get the money and, if necessary, use force. Boys, did you get a full view of that truck driver? Yes, and he don't look so big. You mean from Oakland or from where I am? Out of that money and I expect you to collect it. If he gives you an argument, sock him on the chin. If I could reach that high, I'd get a job picking apples. I'm ashamed of you, Rochester. It isn't the $27.50, but I hate to think that I have a coward working for me. Who's a coward? You're a coward. Just checking, boys. Just checking. All right, now, I'm not going to argue with you. Get in that car and drive to Oakland. Goodbye. Goodbye. Jose, boss. What? You left your toothbrush in the motel. Do you want it? Of course I want it. It's down to three bristles. I don't care. Bring it along. Well, I'll be dogged on. So long, boss. Hmm, $27.50. I could have bought a new car for that. Oh, well, now, where were we? I was going to sing, Mr. Benny. Oh, yes. Ladies and gentlemen, this being Dennis's first out-of-town trip with our gang, by special request, he's going to do the first number he ever sang on this program. Good night, my beautiful. Go ahead, Dennis. Oh, now what? Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes. Is this the auditorium where they're holding the dog show? No. The dog show is being held at the Civic Auditorium in San Francisco. Who are you? Just a Mexican hairless. Arp, arp. Oh, Hager, I'd like to muzzle you. Sing, Dennis. Good night, my beautiful, sung by Dennis Day. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as we are a little pressed for time, we will proceed immediately with our thrilling mystery entitled Murder on the Bay Bridge or it wasn't a seagull that got him. The opening... The opening scene is the office of Captain O'Benny at police headquarters. Curtain, may you see. Hello, police headquarters. Captain, you kill them. I grill them, O'Benny speaking. Oh, hello, darling. What? No, I'm sorry. No, honey. No, you can't have it. Goodbye. Women burn me up. Who's that, Cap? My wife. She's giving a party this afternoon. She wants a patrol wagon for a bingo prize. We need that here. Oh, let her have it, Cap. We never use it. We don't, hey? Where do you think I keep my pigeons? And that reminds me, Wilson, I've been missing several birds lately and I want you to find out who's stealing them. Okay, Cap. I'll get on the case immediately. Good. By the way, what's that bulge in your hip pocket? My handcuffs. Well, they got feathers on them, so the case is solved. Now, the next time that happens, Wilson, I'm going to take away your art supporters. Understand? Yes, sir. Hello, Cap. Officer O'Day, you're supposed to be on traffic duty at Fifth and Main. That's right. Well, what are you doing here? The traffic is all balled up. Oh, it is, eh? Yes. Can I have another corner and start over? Absolutely not. You go back to Fifth and Main and straighten out that traffic snarl. It's a lulu. I don't care if it is straightened out. Yes, sir. That O'Day is the worst traffic cop on the force. Well, why don't you take him? Why'd you take him off the bomb squad? What is that? I say, why'd you take him off the bomb squad? Because he hasn't any fingers left. Now he can't count at all. You better get that traffic moving in a hurry. Say, Cap, no, Benny. Oh, you again. What is it now? Witches for stop. Red or green. Get out of here. What a dodo. If we didn't need him in our quartet, I'd fire him. Hello, police headquarters. Captain, you slug him. I jug him. Oh, Benny speaking. What? What's that, madam? I can't hear you. What? You'll have to talk louder. What's that? I said my husband was killed. Oh. But where did this happen? I see. I see. But was he? Oh, he was. Very well, madam. We'll be right over. Goodbye. Goodbye, Snooki. Sergeant Wilson, we must leave immediately. There's been a murder committed on the Bay Bridge. And I'll solve this crime. Or my name ain't you, Naylam. I, Jaylam. Oh, Benny. Follow me. Stay away from Fifth and Main. You'll never get through. In the middle of the bridge, serge, this must be the place. Yeah, look at the crowd of people. Stop the car. Get up, everybody. I'm taking charge here. Now, where's the body? Coming through the rye. Don't get smart. Now, who are you? I'm the victim's vice. Oh, the widow, eh? Well, you certainly don't look like one. He seems as close today. Well, so much for that. Now, let me ask you something. Pardon me, Cap. Do you mind if I leave? Well, what's the matter, serge? Well, I don't want you to think I'm a sissy or anything, but this high bridge makes me kind of dizzy. Now, go ahead. I can handle this alone. Now, let me ask you something, madam. Hmm, this bridge is pretty high. Oh, well, I just won't look over. Now, I want to ask you a few questions, madam. What's the name of your husband, the deceased? Smith. John Smith. John Smith, eh? And what's your name? Pocahontas. Now, tell me, Mrs. Smith, were you in love with... Gee, this bridge is high. Swaying a little, too. Now, tell me, Mrs. Smith, were you in love with your late husband? I ain't talking while I see my lawyer. Your lawyer, eh? Where is he? There he is cleaning that gun. Oh, sweetheart. Yes, sugar. Oh, ho! So you're Mrs. Smith's lawyer, eh? That's me, Bob. Well, I think your client is Gilly of murder. That's supposition, and you can't hold her without a writ of hapeous corpus. I know all about that. What are you doing with that gun in your hand? I'm cleaning it whereas and to wit. We know you're a lawyer. Shut up. Now, see here, Mr. Attorney. What's your relationship to Mrs. Smith? Strictly business. She's nothing but a client. Oh, yeah? Don't let him bluff you, darling. Don't worry, sweetie pie. Sweetie pie? Oh, ho! Quiet nothing. I'm arresting you, Mrs. Smith, for the murder of your husband. What do I care? Sure, I killed him. And you know why? Because I hated him. I hated John Smith, and I'm glad he's dead. Gee, I never realized this bridge was so high. Oh, well. No, no, Captain. She didn't do it. She's trying to shield me. I confess. I killed John Smith. I shot him dead. Gee, it's still swaying a little too. Oh! Oh. Gee, I wonder if I ought to... Well, what are you standing there for? Are you going to arrest us or not? Gee, I'm dizzy. Oh, I guess it's just my imagination. No, it isn't. See here, you two. I'm arresting you. I'm arresting you for the murder of... What's that? Hello, boss. Here I am, saving sound. Hello, Rochester. So you finally got here, eh? What's the matter, boss? Nothing. I see the Maxwell is running all right. Did you pay the toll when you drove on the bridge? No, the man just took a look at the car and said, this one's on the house. Well, as long as you're here, you can give me a lift. So long, folks. Hey, what about us? Yeah! Are you going to arrest us? Drop in at the police station. We'll talk it over. Come on, Rochester. Step on it. Okay, boss. As a found at Grapefruit is not only grand for breakfast, but equally delicious when served at other meals as an appetizer, salad, or dessert. For example, in 30 years, Jell-O Cherry and Grapefruit Red Mold have cleared Cherry Jell-O, nestling in a golden circle of tender, juicy Grapefruit sections. As for making it, well, nothing could be simpler. Just dissolve one package of Cherry Jell-O in one pint of hot water. Turn into a mold and chill until firm. Then unmold and arrange Grapefruit sections around the gracefully shaped mound of Jell-O. A perfect study in crimson and gold, this colorful combination of Cherry Jell-O and Grapefruit is a handsome dessert you can well be proud of. A swell treat the whole family will love. So tomorrow, brighten the dinner table with one of the finest, most successful desserts you've ever served, Jell-O Cherry and Grapefruit Mold. We're a little late, folks, and it was swell being here. Good night, everybody. Fast and comfortable.