 I hear the stories from men saying like, yo, she was a sweetheart when we got together. We had a kid, for instance, and things might not have worked out between us. And somebody that I never thought would do this weaponized my child in the court system to drain me dry. And in the beginning, I would have never thought she was even capable of this, you know? We talked about the importance of father. I think that's a problem with people. This gender war, this gender divide, this beef amongst black men and black women. What is your take on this? What do you think it stems from? What do you think are some potential solutions? I think it stems from both parties being hurt. I feel like it comes, I feel like there's not an understanding sometimes on both sides. I never knew it was such a, I honestly, I just never knew it was so much animosity until the last year or so. And I was just like, what's going on? I mean, we know some niggas ain't shit. We know some bitches ain't shit. We know that, but that's not everyone. So why, and now it almost seems like everybody, it seems like, not all, but many men and many women are just at odds. Women don't care what men think, the men mad that the women don't care what they think. And it's just like, I don't know, but I feel like I don't really like it because it's so, it's so loud. It's like, and it tends to be, it's always, I just feel like people need to do individual work on themselves to be honest. I feel like it's annoying to always constantly see posts about either men talking down on black women and what they don't do and vice versa. So I feel like the best thing that we can do to fix it is one, stop pointing a finger at each other because that's not going to help. The constant blame. I feel like when people constantly, I keep seeing this whole, everybody talking about accountability, accountability. And I'm just like, do you really want to hold this person accountable or are you just finding a way to blame them? Because it's not necessarily the same. It's not the same. It's accountability. I feel like it's like, we have a responsibility to, I feel like we have a responsibility as black people to make sure that where the culture is progressing and things like that. But the accountability is going to be what you can do individually. A whole group of women can't be accountable for a group of women. She can only be, I can only be accountable for the role I play and what I do to help or whatever it is that I do to, that may not help or what I have done that may not, you know what I'm saying, may not have helped. I can't be accountable for all black women. I have a responsibility, but I can only take accountability for my own actions. And I just feel like we have to get to a place where we're just having meaningful conversations, not constantly pointing a finger because, I mean, the root of it all is really we all had trauma and we're all dealing with trauma that's inherited. And I don't think a lot of people, I don't think a lot of black people are really thinking about that. Like a lot of the stuff that we are experiencing, some of it is, you know, what happened to us, you know, actually happened to us physically. Some of it is just already within us, the anger, the, you know, women, like the struggle that our ancestors went through, it wasn't just on black women, it was on black women too. So we are all dealing with that post-traumatic slave central. That's what she got, post-traumatic slave central. And I don't think a lot of people, I see a lot of black people like, oh, that was back in a day. This is now we are still dealing with it. That's why it's called post-traumatic. So I think we need to focus more, focus individually on ourselves to fix ourselves, but have a community for men where they're, I'm not talking about these men that's, I feel like when you're trying to build yourself up as a man or as a woman, whatever your sister circle or brother circle is, it should be about building you up as a person and not trying to build you up to be good for someone else. Because I feel like if you're good, if you have good morals, you're a good person, whatever person is compatible with you, eventually that person will hopefully come around or whatnot. But I don't feel like we should be building each other up for other people, more so building each other up individually for what we can do best for ourselves and the community in general. Because I think a lot of times we focus so much on, I might be rambling, but I feel like we focus so much on, huh? I'll bring you back, keep going. We focus so much on just romantic relationships when in reality half of these people don't even know how to cultivate platonic relationships. It's like, you're not even a good friend. So what makes you think you're gonna be a good girlfriend? What makes you gonna think you'll be a good boyfriend? Like you have to be able to know how to, because there's more relationships than just your romantic relationship. And if you can't even have a healthy kinship, friendship and things like that, you probably need to go do some work on yourself and work on it. So, remember when, on social media in particular. I'm saying remember when as if it doesn't still happen. But hashtag niggaz ain't shit was kind of the reigning undefeated champion. That was a hashtag? Yeah, yeah. It was a hashtag, it was a talking point. It was kind of a common thing that's thrown out. And I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine. And she challenged me to, instead of taking offense to it, to consider all the ways that I participate in the toxic aspects of masculinity or how I tolerated in my friends. How I make space for it, I guess, to use female terms. I think men's frustration is that that same accountability, ownership seems to not happen on the other side, right? So it's when I'm having these interviews a lot of times and I list off some of the things that men are complaining about with women. It's two responses that I get very often. I don't know no women like that. And me and my friends aren't like that, right? And on the flip side, I think most women will call that gaslighting. If they were venting to a man and he's just, all my niggas are shit. And they ain't not shit, you know what I mean? But it doesn't feel like that same listening ear, that same consideration is on the female side. And unfortunately, what men are experiencing is that some of the Cardi B-esque traits that we complain about can be found in the hoes, the free spirited women, the corporate women, the teachers, the nurses, the hairdressers. And it's a lot harder for a man to make the distinction between a good woman and a potentially dangerous woman than we feel like it is for y'all to make the distinction between a good man and a potentially dangerous man. Can I ask you, what do you mean by the Cardi B-esque? Like, what do you mean by that? Basically just that there's another content creator, his name's MTR. It calls it the hood booger. And I don't use that term, but I just wanted to kind of illustrate what we're talking. Just, you know, the girl who's going to be more and more problems than she's worth in your life. To women's credit, I think women are more multifaceted than men on average. And because of that, it's harder to tell who is who with women. Whereas from a male point of view, it's a lot easier to tell the niggas who ain't shit versus the niggas who are worth for them. Would you disagree with that? Agree with that? What are your thoughts? I definitely believe as women, we are definitely like every woman. That's just terrifying. That's just terrifying. Anything you want done. I definitely, it's why is it terrifying? I don't know, why is it terrifying? OK, because you don't know what you're going to get. You just you think you're getting one thing yet. They don't have no fury like a woman's scorn. We even the testimonies we get from like our married friends and our, you know, goals, friends, it's typically I miss who she was before we got serious. You see what I'm saying? Because what I'm finding is that men would like a world where women didn't change. Women would like a world where men did change. Because women are constantly changing. Women are constantly evolving. And that's your norm, whereas men are constantly striving for stability. But to women that doesn't that doesn't compute. So yeah, we're afraid because we don't actually know what we're getting ever. You're kidding everyone. But you see how terrifying that could be, right? From the other side, from a male perspective, like I hear. I know, I get what you're saying. I hear the stories from men saying like, yo, you know, she was a sweetheart. When we when we got together, we we had a kid, for instance. And, you know, things might not have worked out between us. And somebody that I never thought would do this weaponized my child in the court system to to drain me dry, right? And in the beginning, I would have never thought she was even capable of this. You know, we talked about the importance of father. I think that's a problem with people. I think that's a I guess for me. I think people are capable of anything. Like I I would hope I go into I feel like you should go into a situation. Like I'm not big on people saying like, let me just say, for example, like, you have maybe some women that say, oh, my man would never cheat. He would never cheat on me. I don't think you don't know what what he might do. You can say, I trust that he wouldn't do it. I have trust that he wouldn't do it, but you can't say he would never do it. I trust I'm a trust him and hope that he doesn't, you know, but you can't say what somebody would never do. You can't you can't go into a situation. I mean, that's I guess that's why they have pre-nups and all kind of stuff because you don't know. They always tell you don't know people change, people grow in different ways. Different ways. I don't know if it's I don't I don't know. I will say, I think men are far more predictable than women. Would you agree with that? Disagree with that? Yeah. Yeah. I can agree with it to to a degree. What I mean by that and then I want to hear to what degree. But what I mean by that, like, I hear a lot of women talk about how every ex they ever had was a narcissist. And, you know, he switched up on me and he was a manipulator and this, this and that. And typically upon investigation, you realize, no, he wasn't. You know, because when you study real narcissism, real sociopathy, these people are detail oriented. These people are cerebral, right? When you met this young man, he was selling. He was selling weed. There was no indication of him upgrading to cocaine. But you saw that in him and you fell in love with that version. And so because you fell in love with a version of him that he wasn't, it seemed like narcissism, but no, he woke up every day and played 2K and went and, you know. And so we, but he's a narcissist. I definitely think that word is over. I'm telling you, social media, I'm seeing these words and I'm just like, no, like, I feel like people take because there are many traits to narcissists, like quite a few of them that you have to hit in order to have that personality disorder. People will say, oh, you're a gaslighter. You're a narcissist. No, that person is just a gaslighter. It doesn't make you a narcissist. You like every, I'm pretty sure at some point, everybody doesn't gaslit somebody, but that doesn't make you a narcissist. Like that's a whole personality disorder. People overuse these words. It's so annoying. But I get what you're saying and I do think people overuse it and you also have to think about the space. I think people don't acknowledge. One thing I know that I have acknowledged. I don't think a lot of people acknowledge. Sometimes it's just the headspace they were in when they got with that person because, you know, none of us are born. Come on, self-awareness. Come on, none of us are born knowing everything. Like sometimes in that moment, you don't see it because you don't know what to look for. You don't, you haven't experienced this. So you're looking like, okay, well, maybe, you know, maybe, you know, he to use your example, maybe he just hasn't come up with a plan and maybe I can help him with the plan, how to sell crack cocaine. No, no. No, no, no, no. So it's like, if you, if you haven't experienced life a little bit more and come to know yourself and what it is that you truly want and not at a place of knowing, sometimes you think you know what you want, but you're, you're not really, you're not really in a space where you truly where you're truly, sometimes I think we don't love, we think we love ourselves. Like we say, I love myself. I love myself. Like it was one point in my life. I thought, oh, I love myself, but I made the poorest decisions ever. And then once I was out of those situations, I realized I did not love myself. Like I was not doing, if I love myself, I would never put myself in those situations. So sometimes in the moment, you don't see it because you just don't know. So I think people can be manipulators now and men can manipulate. We're not good at it. Not all of y'all. Some of y'all are a little slow. Most of us are not good at it. But there are some that, and like I was talking to you earlier about age gaps, when you're so young and you're dealing with an older person, that younger person can be manipulated fairly. Absolutely. Yeah. Because in a lot of times, I'm not going to say a lot of times because I don't know everybody's situation, but in a lot of cases when you have those age gaps, that's what's happening. It's a lot of manipulation. And then now this young man, a young woman, they think, you know, this is the way it's supposed to be. But in reality, they're being groomed to believe this is what it's supposed to be. They haven't lived life long enough to even know, you know, coming to themselves. But men can be very manipulative. And let's talk about that. How? The mental. How? Yeah. Outside of the age gaps, because I think that's absolutely a thing. But I don't think that's the rule. Most people are dating within their range. How can men be manipulative? Because I disagree. I don't think men are manipulative. I just think women tend to be gullible. Yeah. It's I think it could be both. I don't think most men are manipulative because y'all aren't. I'm not going to say y'all dumb, but y'all not dumb, but y'all. What's the word? You're not dumb. You're not dumb, but it's a little, little slow. But and and I do think as women, sometimes we are gullible. Some women, when you're in a space where you feel like you just have or have to be with someone, you tend to fall for anything. There we go. There we go. And that's and that's that's a big problem. You fall for anything because you feel like, well, I don't want to be alone. I should have somebody I would say this. I have a secondary theory. So on one side, what you're saying is basically if she loves you enough, she'll lie to herself, right? To make whatever you guys are trying to make work. But on the other hand, I've actually heard and seen women actively run away from and chase away good men. And what I think is happening, I think because of that subconscious lack of self-esteem, she would rather, I'm going to put it like this. It feels better to be the manager of McDonald's than the entry level guy at Google. And I think part of the reason we'll see some women actually chase away good men is because his presence makes her feel inferior. Whereas the pookies and the Ray Ray's on the block. You know, let's say she's in school. Oh, my little lawyer, you're the best thing that's happened to him. So there's an ego stroke, I think. And we don't talk about it enough. I think there's an ego stroke that comes along with dealing with people who are beneath you than having to rise to somebody who may be outside of your league. I agree. I agree. I don't I don't for some, I do think it could be an ego stroke, but I also feel like that person, that woman, she may not be in a space where she truly understands her word. So I think that has a lot. It's a lot to do with insecurity. I agree. So I do agree. You will have some women. They're not bad women, per se, but they're not in a space where they feel like they are worthy of a type of man. So they will find things. Thanks. I know. So it's just like you. It's not it's not really about the ego. It's more like I just don't feel like I don't feel like I'm there. I feel like I feel small. I feel small. So I still I still I still might be. I still think it's the ego only because, you know, like even like, you know, from a black perspective, typically the person who feels the need to wear their mortgage on their neck or or or their their your car note on their on their feet, you know, typically is not the most confident, deeply confident individual. You see what I'm saying? The people that do too much. Exactly. This is an overcompensation. It's like pseudo masculinity. Yeah. Right. And I think that's kind of what we see. Even even now, a big thing that men are complaining about is this system of the goddess culture of you can't you can't tell black women shit. You stay out of black women's business. We we are the table of just that whole, you know, saying that the bravado in the you know, the condescension that comes along with just feeling like, yeah, black black women, black girls, rock type of thing. Do you see do you see any of that? Like in your personal life, maybe your experience or even your conversations with men that they're experiencing this kind of just benevolence coming from coming from our women. In my experience, I can't say I've heard anybody in my personal experience. I haven't seen it necessarily the black girl magic thing used in a negative way personally. But I always felt the state, I guess, for what I grasped from it. What I see, I thought the stay out of black women's business is when usually I see women say that when a man comes in a space where there is women talking about or lifting up another woman and then you have this man that comes in and says something, it would be like, I don't know, say something she ain't all that. Why she got this and it's and then it's like, why are you here? Why are you here, sir? Like, stay out of this conversation. Like that's the context and usually what I see it. I don't I'm not going to. I don't follow relationship girls and stuff like that. So I may be a little oblivious to a lot of this stuff. So that's usually how I see it. I haven't seen it. I don't know. Maybe they I don't know if they feel that way. I don't know. Maybe I should ask some of my friends. I don't know. I don't know if they feel like blood. You can't tell black women any. I guess to some degree, men probably feel like that in general that you can't tell women anything. But I don't I mean, what you trying to say, sir? So what are you telling me? Because I really feel like naturally. A woman that's coming to her own, she's she's going to allow a man in her space and, you know, to to handle his business, allow him the space to handle his business if he's doing that. But what I see is men coming in with, you know, like, you don't have to come in, you know, be in your chest and all that raw raw stuff. I live on, like, if you are that, if you are that, dude, it's going to it's going to exclude out of you without you having to be extra, without you having to go back and forth with women online. And it's the proof is going to be in the pudding. I always feel like men that talk to me. I don't like people that talk too much. So men that talk too much and are constantly arguing with women and things like that. That I think that's typically what I see when they say, you know, stay out of business. Why are you always going back and forth with women? And but I don't know.