 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan as they have Jonathan as they comment I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic the three Subconscious reasons why men pull away pull away Really quickly if the content here resonates with you this video is similar to the three videos I shoot per week in my private group called midlife love mastery. There's a link below to check it out This is a group a private group for less than $20 a month where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis And those three videos I shoot are based on the questions asked in the group Have a Facebook page in a once a month webinar where you can talk to me on the phone directly So check out the link below called midlife love mastery. Okay, those three Subconscious reasons why men pull away All right, so most men and women who are in midlife Want at least one basic thing and they want that that are actively out there in the dating room Let me just say this so those are actively out in the dating room are seeking companionship Connection and sex companionship connection and sex in other words, they want Someone to do something with they want someone to connect with and they want someone to have sex with and That's kind of the base primal need of why people are out there in the dating realm So this differentiates from those in their folks in their 20s and 30s because men and women who are in their 20s and 30s Typically are driven from a biological perspective to get married and well not necessarily a biological Perspective to get married but to start a family. Okay, so the drive for most men Particularly in their 20s and 30s. They're seeking a wife. So they're very intentional with the dating process But here's what happens at midlife You most likely go through a divorce because 75% of the people and this is anecdotal of those who are out in the dating realm are divorced Are seeking that companionship connection and sex because they don't have a Destination if you will they don't have it necessarily a Drive for partnership Especially and the more traumatic their marriage was the less likely they want partnership in the future Now that's not to say codependent personalities immediately want partnership right away Or they want that companionship connection and sex so right away that they fill that void very quickly But they're not intentional always in the partnership realm So they may get married very quickly those codependent personalities, but doesn't mean they're ready for partnership Alright, so you tracked me so far. So you're probably wondering what are those three subconscious reasons? Okay number one Here I got to put on my glasses because I wrote this down. Oh You loved him more than he could receive you loved him more than he could receive now There was you cared for him More than his capacity to care for you now. This is on a subconscious level and When a man feels from a subconscious level that you are Love him more than he can love you back then his natural reaction is to run away Okay, that's what pulling away is pulling away is running away because they're scared They're scared for a variety of different reasons. So one reason is he's unable to receive your love number two Now to put my glasses back on you gave more to the relationship and he felt inadequate He's very similar to number one, but you gave more to the relationship You were you were more demonstrative in your relationship. You were more effusive in the relationship Who I use some big words you may have to Google them You gave more to the relationship and he felt inadequate By the way, my cup says optimize life optimize life and my t-shirt is black Sabbath I actually saw them in concert myself, but when I saw this Tony Stark was wearing it in an Iron Man movie or an excuse me in an Avengers movie. I had to get it If you like my shirt, please post a comment. Let me know Optimized life is a friend of mine. Who's a hypnotherapist and she helps you Heal what ails you. I don't know. I'll stop to say it. Okay, so he felt inadequate again This is a subconscious reason why a man pull might pull away. Okay? These are all subconscious. In other words, he's not these these reasons why men pull away and I'll share the third one in a moment Is because he's not in a space of loving himself loving himself You know, we always think of maturity as people who are responsible in our life But I'm here to encourage emotional maturity emotional groundedness Emotional grown-up and the one of the path the path to emotional maturity is self-love It's one of the reasons why I wrote my book what the heck is self-love anyway See the title of Jonathan Asley right there. Check out the link below If you'd like to get a copy of my book, I also have my Jonathan recommends books And this is holds true for women as well when we're not loving on ourselves We choose partners typically that aren't adequate for ourselves So when a person isn't loving on themself, they can feel inadequate in the relationship So when you give more to the relationship, they have to pull away because they don't feel adequate and then that third reason Oh You understand him beyond his mask you understand him beyond his mask and he felt exposed There is many of you women are very empathetic very caring in relationship and you can see beyond you can see someone's potential You see beyond the mass that they put on I was in a relationship where a woman said I see you with rose-colored Glasses what she meant is I saw all the potential in you But you don't see it in yourself and she was so right this was right after my divorce and I know that I went through this Chaotic period of going through the tunnel I talk about the tunnel in other videos that tunnel is that midlife crisis space And I felt so exposed that I had to pull away because I didn't feel like I could live up to the potential of this relationship So how do you avoid this trap because this is a trap? How do you avoid this and I'm gonna encourage you to do the following okay now if you're If you're already in a seasoned relationship, you can still do this But this is for those who are before you become intimate with a man before you become intimate with man before the penis gets To go inside the vagina Haven't cursed yet fuck This is my new way of cursing But the penis hasn't gone into the vagina yet You have to read this book called eight dates by dr. John Gottman and Julie Gottman eight dates and Basically if you want to have sex with you you both read this book together These are eight dates to determine if you're if you're compatible with one another Now here's the thing about men If he's already feeling inadequate inside if he doesn't feel like he can give to the relationship He's gonna run away and the good news he ran away before you got intimate before you bonded with them And that's what I'd like to encourage you to do and if you don't feel comfortable with the book eight dates Then start with the book the five love languages the five love languages I've had so many women before they became intimate with a man had the man do the five love languages Test online you can go online to do the test okay And to decide if you guys speak each other's love language This is a good start, but I want to encourage you eight dates And if you're already in a seasoned relationship and you're wondering if this is the right relationship for you then Introduce the book because here's what's gonna happen Only a man who genuinely doesn't care about you is Going to reject it only a man who's controlling and unable to receive love is going to reject it only a man who feels Inadequate in himself and doesn't love himself is going to reject it and also Controlling and narcissistic people will reject it as well Okay, so you want that to happen because ultimately what's the point of spending time with someone if you're not going to go the distance? Sadly, most people are in casual relationships, and I'm here to encourage a different way of doing it I know you can follow everyone else's advice and just have a good time. It's all about having a good time You know what we should just have a good time and not really vet one another. Well, that's a crock of shit in my book Vetting is an important aspect of this relationship process of this dating process And if you need to support on that that's my specialty check out the link to a free discovery call with me because my Specialty is helping teach you how to vet for emotionally available men So you can avoid this trap very quickly if you want personalized advice check out the link below to schedule the free discovery call with me, but Not but and I'm trying to work on not saying but in my vocabulary and for that vocabulary early and and When you learn how to do this you will approach the dating process in a whole different way and the benefit of this is That you're going to attract someone more aligned to who you are and what you want So if you need support check out that link below listen, I've recommend a lot of great books Sadly most people are just seeking those basic needs of companionship connection and sex and their capacity to go any further Is limited this is why you want to introduce this work as soon as possible Because a man who's able to step up to the process of commitment a man who can step up And he genuinely wants to step up with you is going to meet you where you're at and isn't that really what you want anyway All right, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below Please post a question. I read all of them or I do my best to read all of them And I even try to respond to most of them If you find value again check out the links below and I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big Gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone and give them a hug of love because Hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now