 J.E. L.L.O. The Jell-O program brought to you by Jell-O and Jell-O Pudding, coming to you from New York City starring Jack Benny, with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with, What'll We Do? Better and Better. Yes, sir, Jell-O's been getting better and better all the time, year after year. And now, Jell-O comes forward with its most revolutionary improvement of all, locked in flavor. A new exclusive process for bringing you every last luscious bit of Jell-O's glorious goodness. Up until now, Jell-O's desserts constantly faded in flavor, while waiting to be used. But today, Jell-O's rich mouth-watering flavor is locked in. And no matter how long your package of Jell-O takes to reach you, time just can't steal away its flavor. Prove it for yourself. Open a package of Jell-O. There's no heavy fruity aroma, no sign of escaping flavor. But the instant you dissolve Jell-O, what a rush of rich marvelous flavor comes pouring out in my, how you enjoy it. Try Jell-O tomorrow. Feast your eyes on its bright, scintillating colors. Thrilled to Jell-O's full, never-fading, locked-in flavor. You'll say, Jell-O really is different. Because the flavor never goes away, we put it in and it's there to stay. What'll We Do, played by the orchestra? Ladies and gentlemen, exactly 449 years ago today, Christopher Columbus first set foot in the New World after a perilous ocean voyage of 40 days and 40 nights. Boy, what a trip. I wish I'd have been there. For weeks and weeks, Columbus and his band of intrepid adventures were tossed around in the storm-churned Atlantic, little knowing that they'd come through a lie. Refet means so. We'll make it, fellas. So now we bring you a man who gets seasick when the crackers bob about in his oyster stew, Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you. Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, that was a very funny introduction you thought of. You sure love to kid your old boss, don't you? Yes, I do, Jack, and you're my idea of a real sport. Well. I make those cracks about you because you're so big, you're broad-minded. You're the kind of a guy that can take it. Ha, ha, ha. A good old Donzie. By the way, I believe you were born in Denver, Colorado, weren't you, Don? Well, yes, Jack. In fact, I spend my summers there. Your summers, eh? Uh-huh. Well, unless you keep a civil tongue in your big, fat head, snow will be hitting you in the face. But after all, we've been together too long and it quibble over time. Excuse me, have you heard any, oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack, how are you? Fine, thanks. Now, are you kidding? Don, have you heard any reports on our opening program last Sunday? You know, comments, reactions and so forth? Why, yes, Jack, some people seem to like it very, very much. Some people thought it was fairly good. And some people... Well, yes, sir. Well, Don, I thought the press was exceptionally nice this year. For instance, PM gave us a lovely notice. In fact, you could almost call it a rain. Come on, about the Daily News. Yep, PM said our opening program was really a humdinger. Very nice, don't you think? Oh, wonderful. And Radio Guide liked it, and Billboard, the theatrical paper, seemed to think we had a hilarious show. Tell them about the Daily News. Mary, it just so happens that Ben Gross, radio editor of the News, didn't like the program, and he's entitled to his opinion. I have no hard feelings towards Ben. You haven't, eh? No. Then why did you try to get Errol Flynn to beat him up? I didn't even know Flynn was in town. Anyway, most of the notices were very favorable. Did you read the one you got in The Daily Worker? Yes, I read The Daily Worker. What did you say, Mary? Same thing every year. Down with Benny. Yeah, but you talk about write-ups. Get a load of this rave in the walkie-gah news son. Benny wows him again. Here, Mary, read it yourself. OK. Well, naturally, Jack, your hometown paper would be 100% in your favor. I don't know about that. They're pretty critical, you know. Say, Jack, look at this news item on the other side of your write-up. Where? I didn't see it. It says Boo Boo Benny, cousin of Walt Keegan's, owned Jack Benny, was picked up again last night for parking his body too far away from the curb. What? When interviewed, Boo Boo said, I don't want to set the world on fire. I just want a bromo. Give me that clipping. Boo Boo is always getting into those publicity stunts. Anyway, Don, the consensus seems to be. Hi, it's Jackson. Like the wash woman says, what do you hear from the mop? What? M-O-P. I got the gag. You don't have to spell it. I got it. Hey, Phil, we were talking about the first program last week. Did you see any reviews on it? Yeah, there was a swell write-up in the orchestra world. Oh, the musician's favorite, eh? What did it say? It said, due to the length of the dialogue on Benny's first program, Phil Harris had to cut out his usual band number. Oh, they missed it, eh? No, they liked the idea. Oh, well, don't feel bad about her, Phil. It's only one opinion. And that reminds me, Jackson. I hate to bring it up, but Alice thinks that this program is a little too corny for a guy like me. What? She feels that I ought to be on a high-classer show. High-classer? Yeah, Alice says I ought to be on information, please. Oh, she does. Well, Phil, Alice is a dear, sweet girl, and I respect her opinion. But if you were ever on information, please, and you were asked who was the first president of the United States, and you said George Washington, Clifton Fadiman would drop dead. And I might also add that at present, Mr. Fadiman is in perfect health. Luca wants to be on information, please. Well, I feel even Jack would be afraid to go on that program. Absolutely. And he has a remarkable memory. Sir, can I read something? I never forget it. Especially that write-up in the daily news. Quiet, will you? You're going to keep talking about. Oh, hello, Dennis. Hello, Mr. Benny. How are you? Fine, fine thanks. Hey, Mr. Benny, did you see the write-up your opening program got in the Brooklyn Eagle? The Brooklyn Eagle? No, what did it say? It said what happened to you and the Dodgers shouldn't happen to a dog. Well, I guess there's still a little blue over the series. You know, you've. Anyway, Dennis, I heard a lot of nice things about your song last week, so now that you're here, let's have another one. OK, I'm going to sing a very popular number called Time Was. Good, good. And this being Columbus Day, I dedicated to my new girl I met last night. What's the connection? I picked her up at Columbus Circle. Oh, how are things around there? I must saunter by. Go ahead and sing, Dennis. Hold it. Come in. Mr. Benny, yes. May I congratulate you on this, the your opening broadcast of the new season. Opening broadcast, look, Bob, we had a show last Sunday. Good heavens, are you going to count that one? Get out of here. What a guy, his head looks like the ball Mickey Owen dropped. Go ahead, then. We have a world of memories. You and I, you cherish more. And as the years later seem to flow, our coffee and swimming The fireworks and hay rides and midwinter sleigh rides And never a pass Hikes in the country and there's more than one tree. I was sung by Dennis Day, my favorite tenor. And now, ladies and gentlemen. Hey, Mr. Benny. What is it, Dennis? You know, I saw Charlie's aunt this summer and somebody just told me that pretty lady in it was you. Oh, well, it was me. It was me. It was my character in the picture. And now, ladies and gentlemen. Holy smoke, you know, I thought it was a real girl. Oh, no, no, no, Dennis, it was me. And now, ladies and gentlemen. I sent you a love letter. Forget about it. Well, now, wait a minute, jerk. Dennis, look, Dennis, the fact that I was wearing a dress shouldn't have fooled you that much. After all, a woman doesn't walk like me. Very few men walk like you. That's so. Speaking of the way you walk, Jackson, have you seen them penguins over in Radio City? Yes, I've seen them penguins. And he wants to be on information, please. All right, then. Jefferson was the first president. Oh, for Pete's sake, Phil Washington was the first president. I merely said, if you knew that, Faderman couldn't stand the shock. All right, Don, Faderman couldn't stand the shock. Oh, Jack, it's so obvious. Don, I know what's clever. Now, go ahead. Faderman. Oh, if I'd only save my money. Don, Faderman. Oh, very well. An important message. Ladies, whether your husband is a faderman or a thinner man, he will always enjoy a dish of jello. There you are, Steve. Jello, America's favorite gelatin dessert, is not only economical and easy to make, but it has that new locked-in flavor. Locked-in? By means of a new exclusive process, all of jello's full original goodness is now locked in for keeps. Is that what makes it taste so good? So remember, folks, the flavor never goes away. We put it in and it's there to stay. And poetry, too. Very good, Don. Very good, very good. See, I was right. It's not corny at all. It's terrific. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Hey, Mr. Benny, in that fan letter I sent you, I enclosed $0.25 for a photo. Later, kid, not now. Well, gee whiz. I haven't got one in a bathing suit. Now leave me alone. How he can do any good at Columbus Circle, I don't know. Really, I don't. And now, folks, we're having fun tonight. I'd like to announce that beginning next Sunday, October 19, our broadcast will come to you from Hollywood, California as we're returning home. Well, we sure had fun in New York, didn't we, fellas? Yes, it's been grand jack. The little woman and I saw nearly every show in town. I saw three swell ones, Panama and the Hattie and Claudia and the Wookie. Wait a minute. What about the one I took you to? Oh, yes, Arsenic took me to see Ol' Lace. Look, Mary, you don't have to be so bitter. Those were the best seats I could get. Oh, stop, will you? I'm not kidding. I got them from the producers of the show, Lindsay and Krause. They had dinner at my house one night. Well, they're even with you now. Oh, for heaven's sake, don't be silly. What if we were sitting up high? Who could see you? You were wearing a veil. Nothing. I got caught in some conflict. You got caught in that gag, too, right? You know, if you read that gag right, it's a good laugh, really, isn't it? That's only our second show, you know. Well, anyway, Mary, next time, next time you can go alone. Say, Jackson, Alice and I saw a lady in the dark the other night, and we thought it was great. Oh, did you like it? Yeah, she explained the whole plot to me. Well, get this situation. Now, Gertrude Lawrence plays the part of a dame who's all mixed up about everything, and she don't know what's the matter with her. So she goes to see a psychiatrist. Psychiatrist? That's a psychiatrist. Psychiatrist is a Japanese dick. That's a kiyaki. Oh, yeah. Well, I was right about Washington. That I know. Anyway, she finally gets the right guy. They fall in love. The curtain goes down. Alice put on her shoes when we went home. Well, that's a vivid description. You know, Phil, the next time you go to a show, pardon me, come in. Yes? Excuse me for intruding, Mr. Benny, but I got a note for you. I'm sorry I'm busy right now. Come back later. I would advise you to take a quick damn that disc communique. All right, what's the note? What does it say? I'm on a carrier pigeon. We ain't much on reading. Oh, OK, let's have it. Who's it from, Jack? Who do you think it's from? Rochester. Listen to this. Dear boss, please give bearer Mr. Columbus Smith. Columbus? Yeah, that's me. Oh. Happy anniversary. Let me read the note from Rochester. Please give bearer $50, which you owe me, as I owe it, to a group of gentlemen who ain't, and am being sorely pressed for payment. Well, of all the nerve, I don't care if he is pressed. Mr. Bennett, if you don't come through, that ball is going to be cleaned and pressed. Oh, well, look, Columbus, you tell Rochester, I'll call him when I get home tonight. What's his number? Monument to 1,700. The monument, eh? Yeah, and do call, lest 1 be erected to his memory. OK, I'll call him. Yeah, thank you. Goodbye, Mr. Bennett. Goodbye. Imagine Rochester sending for $50. Play something, Phil. He got into this jam. Let him get out of it. I'm going to set the world on fire, played by Phil Harris and his orchestra, who haven't even got a match. All right, I didn't like that gag either. I'd go to your bird. Say, Phil, I notice you're using a lot of New York musicians while we're in town. Now, where'd you get them? I walked out of Lindy's with a sturgeon in my pocket, and they followed me. Well, throw it to them. They look hungry. Now, fellas, as I told you before, we're leaving for California tomorrow, and I may not get to see it till train time. So I might as well give you your tickets right now. Oh, Phil, here's accommodations for you and Alice. And Don, here's space for you and the little woman. Oh, thanks, Jack. Oh, goodie, we get a lower going back. Yes, sir. Now, Dennis, Dennis, you're bunking with me, as usual. And, uh. Gee whiz, Mr. Benny, you snore. All right, I snore. It's only for three nights. You're young yet. Now, Mary. If I'm going to stay up all night, I might as well be a playboy. All right, be a playboy. Let's drop it. Now, Mary. I know. I'm going to sleep with Miss Whipple. That's right. Miss Whipple, who's she? Jack put an ad in the paper for someone to share my birth. Never mind. I meet more darned people that way. Mary, let me run things, will you? No planning a trip like this is no sin. I bet she's big and fast. She's very slim. I asked for a picture. Now, fellas, remember, we meet at the station a half hour before the train leaves. And I want you all to be there on time and no more complaints. Hey, Jackson, what's the idea of putting Alice and me in an upper berth? She's a big movie star. Phil, I'm in charge here, and you'll take what you get. Mr. Zanik won't like it. Nuts to Zanik. Now, fellas, nuts to Zanik? What did I say? I've got to make pictures there. I've got three more pictures to make there. What am I doing? Oh, well. Now, remember, fellas, everybody be at the station a half hour before the train leaves. I'm giving a cocktail party for Miss Whipple. Might as well all get acquainted. So try to make the come in. Oh, it's you again. Mr. Zanik, I just spoke to Rochester on the phone. He says imperative, I bring him to $50. Now, wait a minute. Did you tell Rochester I call him later tonight? Yes, sir. And he says if you don't call him now, later tonight you'll have to communicate with him by Ouija boat. Oh, he's making a mountain out of nothing. Rochester must think money grows on bushes. Well, you ought to, don't you? Mary, if you're referring to that bet I made on the Louis Nova fight, I have never conceded that Nova was knocked out. Well, Jack Rochester would never have sent the note unless it was important. Now, I think you ought to call him. Oh, all right. Mary, get me his hotel, will you? Monument 21700. OK. And you've certainly gone to a lot of trouble here, Columbus. Are you a good friend of Rochester's? No, sir. I'm just a member of the syndicate which threw that fatal seven. Oh, I see. Good bye, Miss Bennet. Goodbye. We just had a left Rochester home where he bought. Here's your number, Jack. Thanks. Hello? Good evening, Theresa Hotel. I'd like to talk to Rochester Van Jones. This is Mr. Benny calling. Oh, hello, Mr. Benny. Are you going to pay him that 50? What? What business is it of yours? We're stepping out tonight, and I had hope for a bottle and a bird. I can't help that. Now, operator, will you please ring Rochester's room? Yes, sir. By the way, Mr. Benny, has Rochester got a girlfriend in California? Oh, for heaven's sake. Yeah, she got four or five girls there. Is it four or five? What's the difference? I'm going to carve him up and pass him around. Operator, will you please get Rochester. I want to talk to him. Hey, yes, sir. I'll ring his sweet. Imagine living in a suite yet. Call for Mr. Van Jones. Here I am, sweet potato. Don't sweet potato me. It's short, dark, and going to be shorter. Operator, operator, get off the line. Oh, oh, hello, boss. Did Columbus get there? Yes, he landed twice today. I got your note, Rochester, and I'm not sending you any 50. But boss, I ordered some gentlemen, one of whom is mechanized. I don't care what he is. And another thing, Rochester, why is it you have a great big suite here in New York while I live in one room? Well, I'm in so much trouble I got to pace up and down. Oh, you do? Yeah. You better get a racetrack, son, because I'm going to run you. Operator, will you please stop cutting in. Now, Rochester, you promised me you wouldn't shoot dice while we were here in New York. And yet you lost $50. Explain that. Well, boss, it just happened that I was down on one knee tying my shoe. Uh-huh. And several of my large members got down on their knees to see what I was doing. Uh-huh. And while we were all in that position, I reared his ugly head. Well, I'm sorry for you, Rochester, but you'll have to take care of your own obligations. But boss, all I want is the money you owe me on the Louis Nova fight. I told you before that in my opinion, Louis did not knock out Nova. Oh, reconsider. Operator, please. Now, Rochester, I don't want to discuss this any further. The fight is over, so forget it. Wait a minute, boss, there's a gentleman here that's very much interested in me collecting that $50. Would you mind talking to him? Oh, all right, put him on. Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Metropolitan M. Spears talking. Yes? Rochester tells me you questioned the outcome of the recent Louis Nova fight. I certainly do. The bet was that Louis would win by a knockout. When the fight was over, Nova was on his feet. Yeah, but he wasn't going no place. Look, all I'm trying to say is Nova was not unconscious when the fight ended. Mr. Louis thought he was. That's what he thinks, but I'd like to get Mr. Nova's opinion. Well, when he comes to, let's check with him. Now listen, Metropolitan, you say Rochester owes you $50. That's right, and it was my understanding to come back here, boy. I ain't got my hat on. Well, look, Metro, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll send you a check for Rochester's debt as soon as I am definitely convinced that's to the result of the fight. Thank you very much. That's OK. I'd like awfully well to get it full inflation sets in. You'll get it. Now put Rochester on the phone. Yes, sir. Oh, Rochester, Mr. Benny's going to take care of that $50. You want to make it $100 or nothing? Rochester! Now listen, Rochester, we're leaving for California tomorrow and you haven't even started to pack my trunk yet. So you better meet me bright and early. Well, what time does the train leave, boss? You ain't going to be on it. Operator, now, Rochester, I want you to stop at the tailors and pick up my shirt. You said you wanted to marry me and you got five girls in California. They're just bridesmaids, honey. Rochester, pay attention. Now stop at the tailor and tell him that all my cleaning must be ready by noon and see that you don't miss the train. And here's another thing. The next time you're in New York and you bend over to tie your shoe, you better have something to back it up with. You're going to go out and do an orchard and eat cherries right off the tree. Remember how good they tasted what a grand, time-lizing flavor they had? Well, you'll remember all over again, friends, the moment you taste red cherry mold, a luscious blend of rich crimson cherries and cherry jello. It's one of Jack Benny's own favorite treats and one of the easiest desserts to make you ever saw. Simply dissolve one package of jello, imitation cherry flavor in hot waters, you usually do. Chill it until slightly thickened and fold in two cups of the cherries themselves. Then finish chilling it and serve with a garnishing of outing sections and mint. You'll never taste a more attractive, more delicious dessert. Ask your grocer for a can of ripe, juicy cherries and a package of cherry jello tomorrow. And be sure you say jello because only jello's new process of locked-in flavor gives you all the flavor always. We're a little late, folks. Good night, Johnny. Friends, every time you say jello to your grocer, say jello puddings, too. Try jello vanilla pudding. Here's vanilla pudding with that real, old-fashioned flavor, a smooth, rich pudding that's gloriously creamy and not only grand as a pudding, but ideal for making cream pies, tarts and cakes with cream fillings. Not even grandma could make a pudding that tastes more homemade. And your first creamy spoonful of this swell dessert will win you at once with its delicate, mellow goodness. So tomorrow, when you order jello, ask for jello puddings, chocolate, vanilla, and butterscotch. This is the national broadcasting company. KFI in Los Angeles.