 So the other day I was having an interesting conversation with a friend of mine who's a dating coach for men basically helped shy guys build the confidence to meet women and how to connect with them both in an online and offline way And what was interesting is he shared something with me that said that women have more options than men in the dating realm And I go well tell me more about that because from a dating coach for women They seem to think it's the other way around so What he intimated was that women often times since men typically pursue women They tend to have more options because men are doing the initiating more often than men But what he also shared with me was something kind of interesting I thought I'd lean into today because I think oftentimes there are women that pass up really good men And let me just say this as dysfunctional as the dating realm is and it really is dysfunctional There are a lot of good men out there. Just some of them are bad daters So what he shared with me is 80 percent of women Only pursue or are interested in 10 to 20 percent of the men online That's probably even less than that. So I thought that's kind of interesting I said, well, how does that benefit women? And he says it doesn't he says women are passing up a lot of really good men Because those particular men that they might consider Don't don't seem to tickle that woman's fancy if you will Now I think some of the challenges is as we age for those of us in midlife I think it's I really oftentimes believe that those folks in midlife have the eyes of a 20-year-old When they're in the dating marketplace Not forgetting that they're in their 40s 50s and 60s and don't look like they were in their 20s And I think men and women do this combined But I also believe that there's something else that happens that many men and women do because of the Disfunctionality and because so many human beings do little or no personal development work to heal their childhood wounds and traumas Oftentimes women choose men as well as men choose women that are not emotionally healthy In fact in some of these cases these people are rather toxic for them Which I'll lean into for a second because I think it's important to recognize if you're if you seem to be dating the same type of man over and over again It might possibly be because you're experiencing what's called as love attachment love attachment If you're not familiar with the book by a mere Levine and Rachel Heller Here's a copy of the book I recommend attached by the way all the books I recommend is in the link below in the description I Recommend this book because maybe you're choosing somebody who is not right for you based on your attachment style Now in addition you might also be choosing men based on what's known as the amago and by the way since many of you Have asked me to spell it. It's I am a GO and I highly recommend reading the book getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt By the way again the links below Why I recommend reading this book is you might find that you're choosing men That are similar to one or both to your parents oftentimes. It's usually your father It's either you're choosing someone like your father who might have been emotionally unavailable or might even been abusive or You choose someone completely opposite of your father So you're either Rejecting a behavior or you're accepting a behavior that might not actually be healthy for you So you might be choosing the wrong men Because of this childhood wound inside of you This is why I wrote my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-open spiritual work Self-love the book why because I believe that when we actually shore up our emotional Fortitude if you will We can actually make better choices in the dating marketplace because I shared with you a moment ago That there are some people are quite toxic and if you're not familiar with a chart that I created a while back It's called inner personalities and behaviors. This is new. You haven't really seen this in a while By the way, this is not an effect It's an opinion, but I believe that 20% of the population has talked that can feel like toxic behavior to us And then while I say 20% have genuine caring behavior The vast majority of human beings are in this confused behavior confused And what I mean to say is and I understand why it's very frustrating for you in the dating marketplace Because a lot of men are confused at midlife What do they keep confused about they really don't know what they want and This is why it's interesting to me. I've seen a proliferation lately I don't know if it has to do with the fact that I am Well, I don't even consider myself in the long-distance relationship before because I only have to drive to the airport to pick up my girlfriend Actually, I'm traveling there to meet Visit her but we spend so much time together We spend three or four weeks of time together each time we're together It's not a traditional long-distance relationship. And yet why I brought this up is I'm noticing a Proliferation of women who are having long-distance connections and what I mean to say is long-distance communication Sometimes for months sometimes for years with men thinking that they're actually in a relationship But it's just a cyber relationship. I Think the reason why I brought this up is my girlfriend turned me on to a show called 98 90-day fiance Which to me is garbage drama I'll just be candid with you, but it was kind of funny to watch human beings in trainwrecks I'm sorry that sounds very crass to say that but it is kind of interesting how really ridiculously dysfunctional human beings are Myself included I've done absolutely loot stupid things in my dating life Based on a not understanding human behavior and not understanding my own behavior This is why I'm such a big proponent of self-reflection in relationship All right now some of you might be going well Jonathan What does this have to do with the five ways to tell a guy is you know? is worth keeping Well, I think it's important to recognize that maybe the type of man you're looking the maybe the type of men You choose are not the healthiest for you because of love attachment style because of the amago So first recognize that And then maybe operate from a different premise You know, it's interesting in my private coaching program By the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me if you'd like to find out more about it What I help women do is get crystal clear on who they are and what they want in a relationship And it fascinates me how many women go through my program and they're literally at the end going I can't believe I didn't know what I want. I thought I knew what I want I thought I knew what I want. I thought I knew what I want But by going through the exercises I've helped create or the exercise I have created It has helped them get clarity on who they are and what they really want It fascinates me how often we get to even by the third session and women say to me. Oh my god Jonathan I've been doing it wrong Fact one of the exercises called everything you've learned about relationships is wrong and Why I'm saying this is you really have to maybe throw out the old script To be able to see the guys who they're worth keeping to throw out the old narrative and Maybe look beyond the surface because a lot of great men exist. I am witnessing I just got a call the other day from a client who'd worked with me just three months ago And she was just telling me how she met this fantastic guy and she can tell the difference I I get these calls all the time Jonathan. I met a great guy Jonathan I met a great guy and they know the difference And maybe if you're not ready for coaching, I'm gonna recommend a book for you Barbara DeAngelis wrote an amazing book Called are you the one for me? I highly recommend reading this so you can understand How to make better choices in your life and while it's not personalized the way I help you really based on your personality It's really sifting through the muck Out there because it's gonna require that listen these days. We're meeting total strangers. We know nothing of about bubba bubba about them This is why one of the aspects of my coaching program is called radical honesty Prequalifying your prospect developing the questions you need to ask to determine if they're really a right fit for you I'll be candid with you. I did this with my girlfriend. I grilled her on our first phone call I had my 15 questions that I wanted answered before I was gonna invest time Especially since it was going to be a long-distance dynamic Don't waste listen. I know everybody tells you don't interrogate people don't interview people. I say bullshit Interrogate the motherfucker Now it's gonna turn away a lot of guys, but let me tell you something. They may not be the right guys anyway Because if they're not genuinely serious about a relationship, then maybe you're investing in the wrong person to begin with So let's talk about what you need to be paying attention to most importantly to know if this guy is genuinely a keeper Okay, so I've got my trusty notes. I'm gonna share this with you all bump bump bump All right number one His actions consistently match his words his actions consistently matches words You know and I say consistently because look at I get it You might be talking to someone you've been talking for a couple weeks on the phone And all of a sudden he goes MIA for 24 hours. Okay. Well, that's not enough to lose your shit over it I gotta tell you sometimes ladies you have this great by the way, let me be clear guys can be just as idiotic and Stupid and crazy just like women can be I am I'm an equal opportunity judge of both genders you everybody is dysfunctional to some degree But I'm fascinated how you lose your shirt if a guy doesn't return a phone call in 12 seconds And you're just going bonkers. I mean when I was growing up. We didn't have cell phones We we bear we didn't even have answering phones if you missed a phone call you had no idea if someone called But nowadays we have this instant gratification Expectation that they're constantly in contact with us, but let me come back to actions matching words Is he consistent? Not necessarily accurate every single time, but is there consistently that is certainly Something to appreciate and value in a human being when their actions consistently match their words number two They have Victor Victor consciousness and not victim consciousness. I mean I got to tell you something here in the United States We are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness We literally blame everybody else for our lot in life and I got to tell you Listen, I'm gonna share something with you that I witness over and over and over again with women only because I'm a man who's dated women and that is Most of the time when after a relationship ends they throw their previous partner under the bus and blame that partner for their dysfunctional relationship and to me that's victim consciousness if you're Complaining about your ex-partner then you're operating as a victim and that is a turnoff By the way, men do this and women do this as well. This is why I tell you we have an incredibly dysfunctional Society here. I'm saying by the way. You've seen my emotional maturity relationship skills chart. This is not a fact That's an opinion But roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues and while I'm being generous with saying 20% are healthy Most everybody is dysfunctional because they're operating from victim consciousness And this is why I'm such a big proponent of reading the book the Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive to healing childhood wounds and traumas as well as adult traumas So you're not operating from a place of victim consciousness and thankfully, you know I look at my circle of male friends and they're all in great relationships. I will tell you in the last Five no seven years. I know at least a dozen guys who I think almost all of them met exclusively on an online dating site Half of them have gotten married and the balance of them are in relationships with people that they're living together And these are really good quality men. I want you to know ladies There isn't it is there is an abundance of good men out there Oftentimes you're rejecting them and by the way men reject women for stupid idiotic things too Okay, I'm not discounting that but a lot of times you're rejecting good men and you're choosing men that are in Victor victim Consciousness if someone is often complaining about their lot in life their health their professional capacity or their past relationships That's not a person that operates from Victor consciousness Number three and this is critically important And that is what I call fighting fair fighting fair every relationship needs two people that understand active listening and Validating what their partner says even when there's a disagreement So what I'm here to say is fighting fair is listening to your partner's point of view or the person's point of view Accepting that person's point of view is being true for them At least acknowledging it and then doing the same and yet we're we're we oftentimes in Disagreements, it's I'm right and you're wrong and they're saying I'm right. You're wrong. No, I'm right You're wrong. Do you know it's fascinating? Do you know most couples therapists are? Keenly aware that when two cup when a couple comes into their session, they know exactly what's gonna happen this The person's gonna point the finger at the other person By the way, if you really want to be a good partner then operate from a premise of active listening and Validating the other person when you're communicating with them, you know, it's funny Women often say to me Jonathan the most important thing a relationship is communication communication communication. Well, I get it But many of you just vomit your feelings think you're good at communicating and many of you are not This is why I want to recommend a book. I haven't shared in a while This is a great book. You should all be reading how to be an adult in a relationship Because many of you are not operating as adults and then you wonder why you're having a frustrating experience in your dating realm So learning how to fight fair is just one of the many principles that both men and women should be learning to actually enhance Their relationships with another person Now number four This is hard for men, but genuine empathy This is harder for men because we were taught to stuff our feelings, but genuine empathy I will tell you there are a lot of good men out there that are incredibly empathetic and empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings. That's just one facet of it more importantly I care about your feelings I care about your best interest as well as caring about one's own Because the end of day we have to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first to be a good partner with someone So if you're with someone who genuinely cares about your feelings your best interest That's a great starting point to build on a relationship and lastly and most importantly is Transparency and what I mean to say is if it's material to the relationship If it's material to the relationship then be transparent about it and choose people are transparent I'll share with you something personally that really impressed me about my girlfriend There's a picture of her and I on her second date if you will at a wedding She shared something very vulnerable with me But more importantly she was sharing something very transparent and while it's private to her So it's I'm not feeling I don't feel comfortable enough to share it with you what I appreciate mode because I happen to be about a past relationship What I appreciate most is she shared it Because it had relevance to possibly our relationship if it's material to a relationship then it's important to be Transparent with one another This is why I'm such a big proponent of everybody reading the book the four agreements the four agreements This is like a Bible to being a good healthy human being to show up in Relationship whether it's both people by the way, maybe ladies before you have sex with a guy you make him read this book Okay, you both read it together before the penis gets inside the vagina always talk about eight dates But maybe this is the book you should be reading because this is a blueprint For operating as a better human being as a more conscious Loving caring human being because when we operate from a place of transparency in relationship And let me just say this There are great guys out there. There really are I know you you're swimming in a sea of a lot of Dysfunctionality partially because you're no but you're no you're no picnic either Okay And yet it does require doing a little bit more work Than the average person because it's a lot harder to find those diamonds in the rough And yet I want you know they exist I do want you know they exist and if you need support again schedule a discovery call with me because maybe I can help you with this All right, the five ways to know he's keeper actions matches words He has victor consciousness not victim consciousness. He knows how to fight fair He has a level of empathy and he has transparency In your relationship and if you meet one of these guys You're on the great foundation for having a man who's potentially a keeper and I get it's frustrating out there Requires to be a little bit more of a detective. You have to be colombo these days But let me tell you Have your spy glass out because you can find these men because many of them are existing and I invite you to start with This prayer god universe spirit I invite a great man into my life. It is reigning great men Men whom I have chemistry with Men who are communication styles are mutual with one another and we can laugh and play all the time We communicate like good friends or even act like brother and sister at times To find a person who's compatible with my lifestyle and we can blend our lifestyles together and we share the same values in life And we find out we do the same things like forks forks down and toilet paper out And lastly we build the deep roots of trust that allows us to support and nurture a beautiful healthy relationship god universe spirit I invite that into my life Are you with me if you are say yes jonathan? I want that in my life if this resonates with you Please post a comment. Let me know. This is sinking in post a comment below if you're on the live stream posted in the chat box All right, those of you know that my live streams. This is the time for q&a um and During the q&a if you have a question for me post the word question and write the question thereafter or purchase a super sticker super chat All the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name my son connor asley That's a picture of him right there. That's him with one of his best friends This is a dear friend of his who actually tattooed connor's name About a month after a month the tattooed connor's name on his shoulder a month after he passed away So again, all those monies do go to charities or to groups like the hoffman process insight seminars and hope to Helps defray the cost of personal development for those who need it All right, let's see you and again. There's a little dollar sign sticker right there that you can Purchase a super sticker. In fact, I want to acknowledge We had one come in right now barbara. Thank you so much for that two dollar super sticker I really appreciate it. All right. Let's see what we have here in our q&a board Let's keep just keep swimming Uh raven said a rea says I found myself one of the good ones the more I do the work the more emotional connection I create my relationship It makes them feel safe and seen and valued and keeps pouring love and caring into me way to go Raise a pop. Thank you so much for sharing that everyone needs to hear there. It is raining great man All right, here we go holly. Oh, we got let's see we'll start with carolina's question What are things women do in the early stages if dating are red flags or turnoff for men? Great question I think one of the the top things women do Is they complain about? Their ex partners or ex-boyfriends. I think when you complain about that That's just by the way if history repeats themselves. Okay. I'll give you an example I once met a woman. Uh, this is some years back five or six years ago I remember on her first date. I said, you know, what happened in your marriage and she goes I married a narcissist. I'm like, okay I said what happened in your previous boyfriend that you just ended a few months ago. She goes. Oh, he was a narcissist I said any other relationship? She said, yeah, and I go. What happened those guys and they go Narcissist narcissist narcissist narcissist. I'm like, okay. Well, I'm not a narcissist You know, I'll be her hero. You know, I'll show up as her hero And I found out after a few weeks. She was rather boring to be with. She wasn't very much fun She was kind of lax a dayacle and I ended the relationship And do you know what she posted on facebook the next day? Another narcissist dot dot dot I'm like, how the fuck did I get labeled that because I said I wasn't interested in her So when you complain about past partners, it's a it's it's by the way men do it and women do it I think it's the biggest turnoff because it demonstrates victim consciousness Only those savior enable types might like those women, but those become toxic relationships later on down the road anyway So I'm not a big fan of that All right Kimberly, I'll answer your question about chicago women soon enough, but let's answer holly's question Question I recently reconnected with a man I dated nearly 30 years ago any thoughts on rekindling romance from youth Um You know what I don't know what what I mean The the good news is hopefully you have a foundation of past experiences, but just remember Who someone was 30 years ago may not be who they are right now So rather than rekindling the romance, I would do some interrogation Determine if they're good fit for you that would be my invitation for you So, um, maybe read this book I'm just thinking of this out loud if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated. I love this book It throws out the gender rhetoric of how romance should be kindled and how to connect at a heart-centered level That might be something you might want to try holly Okay, thank you so much. I appreciate that question All right, let's keep swimming Uh Barbara says it's pizza girl here. Do you think when things are going well? Do you think some guys are scared and go radio silent like my situation was? Uh really quickly, uh, if it's okay, barber I share you're part of our group called midlife love mastery in the description below is a way to connect Within my group It's a very low price group to be able to have direct access to me on a regular basis And based on the questions you ask in the group and we have a great facebook group. I shoot personalized videos just for you Here's the thing about guys Look if we get spooked for a variety of different reasons. I was sharing with my girlfriend earlier We're telling sharing some back and forth stories of the past Based on some of my clientele not you Barbara, but another client Um, and I was sharing a story where I was interacting with a woman for about two weeks online And I don't know what happened. She said one thing and all of a sudden it triggered me and it spooked me And I went silent for about 24 48 hours and then I called off meeting with her. It was There was a bit of distance involved Um, and I can't even remember what the particular trigger was to be candid with you It was just something about a difference between us and I realized what the fuck am I doing? I barely know this person Folks, let me give you a simple recipe that you should be using in your dating practice. I call it the three two one three No more than three email exchanges if you're meeting someone online That should turn into no more than one or two telephone calls. That should turn into One date within a three week period of time three two three one wait three two one three, excuse me Listen, it's important not to dilly dally communicating with people in the online realm In my particular case while we met a while back online. I really and we communicated once or twice I wasn't pursuing this person and she wasn't pursuing me It only happened that when we got to meet when there was an opportunity for a meet That's when the relationship began Here's the thing many of you are dragging out communication It's important to meet people right away because listen, we don't have time to fuck around And listen someone gets scared or spooked you want to find out that sooner rather than later So initiate meetings sooner rather than later And if you have distance involved then make sure you have FaceTime communication with one another But i'm not a big proponent of long distance Communication if there isn't a plan on meeting right away Because guess what happens you can spend weeks communicating with someone and all it takes is one thing to spook them And by the way once they're spooked It's like a horse sometimes they're never you're never able to ride it again So I don't know what more to share with you in this particular case I'm just saying it happens and sometimes it can be a simple trivial thing that spooks a guy And it may cause him to go radio silent or completely disappear because when you're total strangers with one another when you don't Physically do social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends It's very difficult to actually build the deep roots of trust needed to actually support a relationship So that's my two cents on that one. So thank you so much All right Speaking of long distance. What are you some what are some things that would make your make you pursue a long distance relationship? Listen, I was very crystal clear in my situation I would not pursue something if there wasn't a game plan to shorten the distance To two people actually living in the same area and that's what we've done in my particular case um listen Long distance flirting is a lot of cyber communication And it's not real until you actually can do By the way, I'm going to sound like a broken record Social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in your personal and professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy Emotional intimacy over the keyboard and text messaging is not building the deep roots of trust needed You have to do s*** together Long distance are very problematic. I mean, they're incredibly rare to work out You need a a strong connection right from the gecko a strong connection You need to be absolutely intentional But more importantly, you need to be with someone who is an emotional grown-up Who's probably does introspective work And lastly, there has to be a plan for things there has to be a plan of shortening the distance Otherwise You're setting yourself for a long drawn-out Drama series. Oh my god. It's like this stupid show. I was watching called 98 90 day fiance f***ing stupid drawn-out Drama and that's what a lot of you folks are doing in fact a lot of long distance Relationships is not long distance relationships. It's just a cyber relationship where you're therapists for one another and by the way, I'm only yelling and I'm aggravated because human beings It cracks me up How ridiculously stupid people are myself included. I laugh at myself all the time at my Disfunctionality at least my past behavior I think because I've read a lot of these books. I've short up my own Capacity to be in a healthy happy relationship but I witness Absolute crazy behavior Because I think a lot of people are addicted to the drama of it I'm sorry. I'm going off on a tangent Uh, I don't I don't know if I helped. Well, yeah, I helped you answer that question. Those four things are critical winning All right. Thank you so much Michelle says you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. I love your quote. It's not my quote I I that's not and by the way, I say if it's sincere and from the heart You can't say the wrong thing to the right person if it's sincere and from the heart All right. All right kimberley your turn Question. What do you think of us chicago women? Do you agree? We are top notch Folks kimberley knows. Um, my sweetheart is actually lived in chicago or lives in chicago By the way, she's originally from another country a south american country. She actually grew up in los angeles So um, and she lived a big chunk of big chunk of her life in chicago as well as a couple other cities. Um You know what? I think there are beautiful human beings every part of the planet Recently met a really sweet lovely woman A family member of my girlfriends who's from columbia Just a sweet kind soul and she met her husband while he was traveling This is 20 years ago on a motorcycle trip through columbia Folks, there are beautiful human beings everywhere. This whole stupid thing like Midwestern women are better than everyone else. You know what? My dearest closest beautiful human beings on my planet live right around the corner from me I've met beautiful human beings in dallas. I've met beautiful human beings in fargo north dakota I've met them in other countries beautiful human beings live everywhere. They are not isolated to one city I I know that You know to some degree I do believe growing up in a harsher climate might make people more resilient But also I know those people who live in harsher climates hate it So they might be you know, by the way people live in seattle are the highest suicide rate because of the They uh, the uh, what's the word i'm looking for? Ah, it'll come to me later. Anyway, you know what i'm talking about folks. There are beautiful human beings everywhere Including chicago. I'm very blessed to have met her Um while I was there visiting. All right kimberley. Thank you so much All right I also want to thank uh, cecilia for the nine 99 cent super sticker and the dollar 99 super sticker. Thank you so much Cecilia writes question. I vomited So he said only write to me three times a week. How long should I wait for him to contact me or make him Are are you boyfriend and girlfriend? Are you just meeting online? What are the particulars of this? You know folks? I can't stand this gameplay. How long should I wait to do something? Look, I'm about being intentional and radically honest You just get on the phone and saying what are your fucking real intentions? Do you want to go on a date? Do you want it to know me? Do you want to explore a relationship? folks I think it's time to start asking the men. Do you want to explore a relationship with me? If he if he's kissing you or if he wants to kiss you or if he wants to fuck you Then start asking the deeper question start being more radically honest with one another That's what I teach in my private coaching how to become radically honest instead of this gameplay How long should I wait to text? That's not my area of expertise. I don't know Text him right this minute say let's get on the phone and talk Do we want to explore a relationship together? Are we just fucking pen pals with one another? I guess we're riled up. All right. Thanks for allowing me to vent All right Brenda writes Question what type of things would be relevant to a relationship? Um besides honesty integrity and respect. Um, how about Mute shared shared uh values. How about blendable lifestyles? How about emotional maturity? How about chemistry? Those are all really good things to have in a relationship Thank you Brenda for your question. Lisa writes Kimberly. Of course us Chicago girls are the best All right. Dale says personal question. Have we yet? I don't understand what you wrote so, uh Let's go swim in Roller girl says hi to everybody to seal you with her super sticker. Thank you so much All right Oh, now here we go per Dale says personal question. Have we yet achieved a reliable testosterone level? I don't know what that means I I don't understand the question Uh, okay question. Why do women get so hung up on figuring out the guy's mind instead of us just pursuing what we want Okay Lisa great question. Folks, you know why I became a dating relationship coach for women Men okay women are fascinated on why men do this why men pull away and why men goes why men disappear And women will pay a fortune for trying to figure out the why with men men are very simple in this category They really have only two questions How to pick up chicks and how to pick up hot chicks. They want to learn the confidence to meet women That's all they focus on you women tried to decide dissect everything But guess what you need to because if you don't understand the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship He's most likely winging it. One of you better know what the fuck you're doing And when you have two coolest human beings in relationship, no wonder their budding heads all the time Thankfully, I know what I'm doing in our relationship Anyway, thank you for your question Lisa. I appreciate it All right Lisa says yes, you're right jonathan often I can tell from a phone call that a guy is wrong for me exactly get on the phone stop texting each other Okay kim writes question I've been seeing someone and after two months Then he wanted to keep up to keep his options open Then came back because he made a mistake He freaked out because he said he's invested in me and and support me Why you know the tricky part About choosing a partner in midlife is when we're in our 20s and 30s We oftentimes jump into relationship because of programming The programming I grew up with as a tail end baby boomer was Go to college meet a girl get or go to college get a job meet a girl get married buy a house start a family So I follow that programming at midlife People don't know how to partner at midlife Most folks don't know how to partner at midlife. So they don't know what they're looking for This is why I often say men are winging it because they don't know what they're looking for And what happens is as soon as there's something that spooks them they run away And then they do what's called the rubber band effect and within usually 90 days they come back Because they realize that they had something good there. So here's my advice to you I had a friend tell me this this might be a meme or a quote I'll forgive you, but the price just got a lot higher And what I mean to say is now it's time to have radically honest conversations About what's what are we doing here? And have a game plan Listen, you guys know i'm in a long distance relationship After we realized we wanted to be in a relationship with each other We began creating a plan of how shortening the distance is beneficial for the health of our relationship We had a plan and we talked about the plan consistently So if he wants back, then what's his plan to actually take this level this relationship to another level? By the way, this doesn't relate to this question, but i'm reading a new book Called sacred relationships And i'm i'm just starting i'm only on the first chapter. So I can't necessarily guarantee and recommend this But why am I reading it? because look Most humans settle for mediocre relationships I want my audience To settle on extraordinary and I don't mean settle. I mean choose extraordinary But if you want to be in an in an extraordinary relationship, then it requires becoming an extraordinary human being by loving on yourself This is why I continually recommend my book over and over and over and over and over and over again By the way link below because I want to invite you to become an extraordinary human being This is why i'm going to recommend this book that you check out called daring greatly by bernay brown Daring greatly. I want you to start becoming an extraordinary human being And then I want to recommend joe dispensas book breaking the habit of being yourself So you don't choose dysfunctional relationships over and over and over again break the habit of your cycles So you can actually step into your power step into your sovereignty Step step into your self-worth self-esteem self-confidence self-reliance Because nobody else is going to do it for you. We are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me So I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself We are suckling on that nipple so many human beings. It's the expectation that our partner feeds Our emotional well-being and it requires filling your own love cup up first Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know give me an amen or give me a thumbs up By the way, if this has provided value so far, please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel If this is making a difference for you. All right By the way, this is my little pad so I can because this chair is so uncomfortable But sometimes it gets a little uncomfortable to sit on this. All right, let's check out these last few questions Don't give me that look over there Ah jen thank you so much for the super stickers five dollars And I want to thank Trina for the nine dollar super sticker. I really appreciate it All right, let's keep swimming just keep swimming Kim says I told him I didn't know how I feel when I really know how I do feel Why is it? I feel a little scared when everyone else on is on his side is on his side and wants Me to give him another chance Because he he he abandoned you He ended the relationship. Of course, you're gonna feel scared. That's why if he wants back in The price has to be higher have a game plan have him come up with his game plan of what he's gonna do to create trust Folks, if you're not building trust in a relationship, um, I'm gonna recommend let me check check out this one book really quickly um Not this particular one. Um, I was just thinking of a book to build trust I don't have one handy, but what your relationship needs is a level of trust. How are you gonna build trust with one another trust is How is he going to demonstrate not with his words words words, you know, like by the way a lot of guys their words are like this What what what what what and what I mean to say is words have to be followed up with actions That's the first principle actions matching words What are the actions he's gonna demonstrate to actually be worthy of having you back other than just the what what what what I want You back. I want you back. What's he going to do to demonstrate that? That's the question I invite you to ask yourself because it's going to be unique to you But thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it All right um Let's see wait Hi, john attention doesn't mean wait attention doesn't mean intention gene gene four Oh, I gotta leave that up Attention doesn't mean intentionality intentionality is the game plan By the way, read the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman. That's a game plan Attention doesn't mean intention. I love that big. Oh, I gotta give you a big gigantic charthamere for that all right um By the way, I the only out of courtesy to her. I don't want to share her name publicly yet, but thank you so much She's my sweetheart beloved for now Unless I get her permission all right Let's see lulus asked a question Lulu I did not see your question posted again All right We gene says would you see this as a super red flag that a man has been married four times in the past? My girlfriend just nodded yes Uh, I only give two people three chances. No, I'm just kidding. Um, you know what? All right, here's a question folks, how many boyfriends have you had? How many men have you had sex with is it a red flag if you've had sex with more than five men? Because I'm going to say every man you had sex with is a relationship and that didn't work out I'm just picking a number is it 10. Is it 14? What is that number? Is that a red flag if you've had sex with someone and didn't work out and sex with someone It didn't work out and sex with someone. It didn't work out. Is that a red flag? I don't know. You know what? I think a lot of is it possibly a red flag? Probably but red flag means ask better questions those better questions is find and by the way if he blames If he blames each one of his exes That's the red flag. I would walk away from that one if he doesn't take ownership for what went wrong. I'd walk away All right, let's keep swimming. Thank you Trina for the nine dollar super sticker or $10 super sticker. I really appreciate it all right Lulu if you have a question you need to write the actual question there after her I don't see it or purchase a super sticker super chat will be easier for me to find Amber says question man is very critical of me cooking my parenting the way I talk always trying to fix me He is he was hiding things. I found out set boundaries. He hung up on me. How do I balance not? perfect or let go um You know, we each have to figure out how we resolve our attachments Buddha says the number the all suffering comes from attachment to an outcome So the question I ask for you is how are you going to overcome your attachment to another human being now? Listen, I don't mean such look at I lost a child those of you know right there connor I'm never that attachment is never going to go away Okay, when you lose someone like that, but when someone breaks up to you with you An ends a relationship after to being critical of for you Why why do they hold space in you? So how are you going to figure how are you going to overcome that attachment? It's by learning to love yourself By doing things that nurture your soul and take he is renting space in your mind that he doesn't deserve there Why are you giving him up? Why are you giving him a lease on space in your brain? Why is that happening? He's not paying you the rent, but you're giving the rent for free I invite you to love on yourself and when you can actually genuinely love on yourself God universe spirit grant me the power to love on myself to do the things that nurture my soul By doing those things whether it's traveling whether it's spending time with family and friends Whether it's starting a new activity or hobby Grant me the space to lean into my sovereignty my self-worth and my self-esteem God universe spirit. I invite that in my life All right amber. I hope that helped Barbara says I bought the book reading it. Wow. That was quick Weegean says I love joe dispensa. Dr. Joe have read his book many times. Yes. That's a great book All right, ah, here's a question from lulu question He said we didn't date He felt he knows me long ago and stopped looking for women since we met don't know what he meant folks I know it's sometimes hard to decipher what men say so ask point blank What do you want and how are you going to make it happen folks? You're spending a lot of time on the telephone and you're not spending time face to face relationships, listen I'm not A lot of you are probably only capable of cyber relationships. Okay, and that might Temporarily satisfy you I only want to talk to those women who want a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship Where you're doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills And you're both your personal and professional life Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy where you're doing it on a regular basis stop spending your time here And start getting intentional Read this book if the Buddha dated read the books. I recommend I know you don't think i'm answering your question But what i'm here to say is if your relationship is on is on the phone Then it's not a real relationship according to the world according to jonathan. Okay You are more than welcome to approach those relationships, but homie don't play that game and i'm not going to encourage that Meet go out on dates spend time together see if it's worth Investing in each other and then go from there Sorry if I was harsh lulu Roller girl says amen All right. Oh, let's see what we have. By the way folks. We're getting close to wrapping up I know we have a lot of questions Um Okay, this will be our last one for the evening jonathan I've done a lot of inner work over the past few years and i'm in a great space now But I seem to be unintentionally attracting married men. I don't want That I don't want what's up with that That's an interesting question My suspicion is you might be attracting married men because you're still Healing and you might be rejecting good men ladies Many of you reject really great guys now that I know they might be holding up fish or they might have the beer god They may not be your type But oftentimes you're rejecting great guys because they don't fit your physical attributes of what you're looking for And yet these are the guys that's actions match their words They have victor consciousness. They know how to fight fair. They have a level of empathy and they have a level of transparency I can't tell you why you're attracting that only to say Is maybe you should ask the universe for something different than that Um, that's my invitation for you there All right, folks Did I provide value here tonight? Please let me know if I provided value If I'm making a difference in your life, please let me know if you have something to say post a comment below or Because we're at the end of our broadcast And I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic chanthumbarug of self-love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank who I want to thank sofia and jane and uh Cecilia and cc and kerry And holly and wejin and lisa and spirit dancer and jennifer and gale And I can't even pronounce your name is taylor and valerie roller girl spirit dancer. I think I said that christine Everyone, thank you so much. Hope you have a wonderful fantastic day. Be well