 Listen, it's the message right here. Black boy, tell me how you really feel. Because I just want to build with you. Black girl, tell me how you really feel. I want to keep it real with you. I want to live better, eat better. I want to love better, sleep better. Yeah, I want to feel so aligned. Do you feel like most women are aware that they're operating in their masculine energy? No, not at all. Why? If you were brought up being taught a certain way and you're used to moving with that energy, how do you really know that you're moving that way and let someone turns and give you a mirror? For the longest, I didn't even know I was moving in my masculine energy at all. What was the mirror for you, what happened? I think the mirror for me was when I felt like I was going in circles with myself. OK, I know this about myself, but it always felt like something was missing. Or when I try to handle stuff, why do I feel so angry while I'm handling it? I shouldn't feel so angry. It's always like a bitter energy that just always creeps up to the top, never relaxed. And people being intimidated by you is not a goal at all, especially for a female. When you think of now that you are on the journey to get to your feminine energy, who is somebody that you look at and you're like, I want to be more like that? That's deep. Talk to me. Like I think about it. Because I never, like, vision a person is like, I just want to be more like that. Don't the spiritual people on TikTok talk about visualization and you have to see it? Yeah, they do. I'm not the pause the video for this. I didn't think about it. Can you repeat the question if you don't mind? So who is a woman, black woman, if you like, that when you think of her, you think of that's goals as far as femininity and feminine energy? Hey, I really never thought about it. Because like a lot of, you know, black artists and stuff that people know they're not really promoting being feminine. Like Beyonce might promote it, but like, is she really feminine? She seems to have a very dominant presence around her. She doesn't seem that feminine to me. OK, so if you can't think of somebody, and it could be somebody dead, alive, a fictional character, whatever the case may be, if you can't think of somebody, do you think you could make one up and then describe that person? And again, take your time. There's absolutely no rush. I really want it to be a thoughtful answer. OK, yeah, I really got to think about it. Are you going to pause the video? A looper. I feel like I don't know a lot of feminine women. I don't know. I'm not even gonna lie to you. That's kind of not good. That I can't think of someone solely that I would just be like, yes. That's your assignment. Not even from my personal experience. After this interview, I want you to calibrate your brain to start looking out for traits in people that you admire as feminine. And hopefully, you know, the goal is, and I encourage me to do this, too, you take something from this person, take something from this person, and make a quilt of your own, you know. Because a lot of people say that they want a lot of things, or they say they want to do a lot of things, but they can't really visualize it. And it ends up not happening. Because how can you make something that you don't know what it looks like? How can you sculpt something new, you know what I mean? That's right. But as deep, I don't know what I expected from that question. I wasn't expecting a question at all. Honestly, I don't know what I expected from the question, but I encourage the people even listening. But it's also making me think, like, let me see if I can surround my content or my surroundings with those type of black women that are more feminine. Because I'm sitting here thinking of all these other people, and I'm like, no, no, no. And even thinking about actors, even their role, it's not feminine. Well, and that's the thing. You might have to create it, you know, because I think a lot of times we're waiting for something. Like, one of the videos is tied to waiting for Superman. Like, something is going to happen magically. I'm going to turn 30, and it's all going to make sense. And it doesn't work like that. That's not right. Like, you're literally going to have to stitch this shit, like, stitch my stitch. And hopefully it's somebody that you're happy with. And that's the goal. So I think it segues nicely into this question. One of the phrases Kevin Sam was made popular for is this concept of dying alone. Remember, he told the dog walking lady, dog grooming lady that she's going to die alone because she's a, you know, five at best or whatever. The question is, do you think, based on what you're seeing or what you're saying, do you think most black women will die alone? No. Explain. I don't think most black women will die alone because we all want somebody. So even if it's not the person that we have this ideal in our head, we're going to end up settling for somebody. We're not just going to be so strict and uptight about our standards that we just would really choose to die alone. So it's easy to say, I really just die alone, but are you really going to die alone for real? You're going to be 40 and you're going to be like, I really just want somebody next to me and you're going to end up settling anybody. Do you know the current marriage rate in the black community amongst females? No. Guess, what percentage of black women do you think are going to get married statistically? Maybe like between 30, 40%. I think last time I looked it was 27. So it's pretty much one out of four. So statistically, it looks like most are going to die alone. So why do you think that is? What are some of those reasons? I feel like some of the reasons are probably some women have came to a conclusion that they don't feel like there's anybody out there for them. Someone that fits their criteria. So they just kind of like give up and it just kind of that wave of, I give up on finding the one has turned into their lifestyle. They just become numb to dating and thinking about intimacy, craving intimacy, it can go on and off after a certain amount of time. If you're thinking about, oh, it's never going to happen. It's never going to happen. You're basically speaking it out and you're living it out and it's never going to happen. So explain the one, explain what that means, what that looks like, what that is. The one? I don't know, like. No, okay, what do you think women think it is? Or most women think it is? I think women think the one is a person that just comes and sweeten them off their feet and make everything completely perfect and this, you know, like fairy tale happily ever after marriage, kids, house, money, you know, baking cookies and cooking and stuff like that and that significant others fulfilling all those things that they've had in their head. In your metaphor, doesn't that mean those women would need to learn how to bake? Of course. But that's what's happening. You have a lot of women waiting for that lifestyle but they don't have tools to contribute to it. Of course not. We all want to be independent and, you know, I can do everything by myself. So how we want to do everything but then want the one, it just doesn't make sense. Like. So what needs to happen? And they're like, why did that, what happened? What happened? And why does it make sense to so many women? I can remember there were a lot of like certain books that somehow we were all reading when we were like teenagers and in middle school. So we had had that in our head, you know, like it feels real. That's what I want. We have just need princesses and stuff and we had that image in our head of what being a princess looks like and a man is coming to save us from tragedy. That's what we want. That's what we've seen growing up. So we think that's what the one is supposed to be. So with growing up, that doesn't ever change or that doesn't ever get interrogated. And what I mean by that is as a woman matures and she gets out into the real world and understands that, you know, if I want to buy this $5 piece of bread, I need $5, right? Shit doesn't just come for nothing. But it doesn't seem like women necessarily understand that. Even at 40, they still think, it doesn't matter who I am, I still deserve Prince Charming. Why do you think that happens? Like they're growing old, but they don't mature, it seems like. Well, if you think about some of the characters in Disney, they came from nothing. Like Cinderella, for example, she was made basically, you know, cleaning and getting treated like trash by her stepsisters. And then all of a sudden she's been swept up and she didn't have to work hard to do anything for it. She just went from Z-Day from the bottom to the top. But that doesn't fully answer, I guess what I'm trying to ask because I think it makes sense for the 20-year-old girl to still be an illusion. But for the 30-year-old woman, the 40-year-old woman who has a master's degree, who has a PHD. They haven't let that fairy tale go. They haven't let that fairy tale go. I've heard females like older than me that, you know, there are single that still say like they wish they had this and that and it's all a fairy tale. They never talk about personality. They never talk about what kind of person he is towards his mother. They never talk about his walk with God. If he even believed in anything, he never mentioned any of those things. They always mention what he needs to have, what he needs to do, what he needs to look like, his features and all that type of stuff. They never mention anything about his personality. You know, they don't, I think as females we tend to like not dig deep when it comes to finding the mate. We look at everything on the outside and we run with it. So there was a, I can't remember if it was on TikTok but I saw it on Instagram. It was a lady who was crying on camera and she was talking about how she's 30 or 31 and did you see it? And she, she's seeing all her friends get married and have kids and she's all alone and things like that and she was crying. What are your thoughts on that? Well, I haven't seen the video but just hearing you explain it sounds like she's comparing her life to them and she feels like she deserves what they already have so that's why she's sad. If she didn't feel that way, she would be happy for them not crying and beating herself up for it. It just doesn't make sense. So when I saw the video, I didn't feel any sympathy. I'm gonna be honest. And the reason I didn't feel any sympathy I sound like a shitty person but the reason I didn't feel any sympathy is because I think one of the most overused words in a dictionary in this day and age is deserve, right? And particularly amongst our women, there's this idea that the reason I've been so unsuccessful in relationship is because of everybody else. It's because of, in her case, it's because of LA. It's because black men ain't shit. It's because of, my dad was a terrible example. It's because, it's because, it's because when unfortunately the common denominator is you. Right, I feel like when we say we deserve, we completely eliminate the part of what we supposed to give ourselves. It's what we really deserve. What we give ourselves, not somebody else. Explain. So let's just say like, you know, you're pampering yourself. I start with something simple. Like, going to get a pedicure, get your nails done. You feel like you deserve that, right? You're giving it to yourself because you deserve it. If you're looking for someone else to do it, you're not gonna get it because they might not feel like you deserve that or they might not see that as something that you deserve. Like, why do you feel like you deserve just to get your toes done or your nails done? They might just see it as something women do. I think that's good. Sometimes the problem becomes a situation where as a woman you can't really ever appreciate, fully appreciate a man because you feel like you can do everything by yourself anyway, right? So how do you tow that line between taking care of yourself, you start playing it first and foremost, but also acknowledging and demonstrating how much you need a man. And you can, if you don't think you need a man, we can talk about that too. There was a point in time where I thought that I never needed a man. I was on the, I'm so independent ways, but then I think as I got older, they started to change when I started to look at myself differently and realize that in a lot of situations that I went through that I was the problem. Even though these situations weren't bad, there was still something that I was doing wrong to keep receiving like the same outcome, like going through the same situations with different people or in a different time because it was easy to see like, they're just a shitty friend. They're just a shitty friend. They're a bad stab in me. But why does it keep happening? If it's repetitive, then I had to like look in the mirror, like maybe it's something that I'm not doing or I'm doing too much of to keep experiencing the same thing. Sometimes we're either doing too much of something or not enough. And it still comes down to like us giving ourselves what we deserve, whether it's a decision we have to make that hurts someone. But if it's not what you deserve, then if it hurts the person, then that's just something they have to go from.