 One of the comments I receive from women frequently centers around why aren't men doing personal development self-help spiritual work to heal themselves before they enter into a relationship, meaning a lot of wounded men, gun shy men, men who are incapable of being a relationship are out in the dating marketplace and women are asking me, Jonathan, all you talk about us women doing the work, why aren't men doing the work? I think that's a great question. What's interesting is this past weekend I was actually at a men's retreat for 48 hours with a group of men, eight of them including myself working on our stuff, if you will. Now each person had a different area that they wanted to work on within themselves and a lot of times it centers around our negative patterns, our limiting beliefs, our inability to set standards, maybe to set a boundary, maybe shame going on within our past. And we work on healing it. Okay, so why is this important to know? Well, what's interesting is every man in that group is in a significant relationship. In fact, many of them are married. And I want to add that several of the men, including myself, met their partner through a dating site. So of the eight men I would say, let's see, one, two, three, four of us met our partners through a dating site. And there's a picture of my sweetheart right there. What I'm sharing this is, and how does this relate to bread crumbing? You're kind of might be wondering, how does it relate to the title here? One of the common threads for most men, or these men in particular, when it came to exploring a relationship with their partner, and I can say this for myself as well, is these men were rather intentional in the process, intentional in the dating process. Now you might be wondering, what does that mean, Jonathan, being intentional? Well, I think there's three types of men out there actively dating. There's the man who's intentional, and I'll get to that in a moment. There's the man who has no intention of ever being in relationship, and yet he wants some level of companionship, some level of sex, and certainly some connection with a woman. I went out of order there, that's why that sounded weird. It was companionship, connection, and sex, okay? Sometimes these men are known as players and rather incredibly dysfunctional men. And then there's the vast majority of men who are wounded, gun shy, uncertain in their life, and the way they operate in the dating marketplace is with a significant amount of uncertainty, okay? And most likely they haven't been healed from their wounds and traumas. Now, when I talk about wounds and traumas, I'm talking about childhood wounds, and I'm talking about adult traumas. And one of the most significant adult traumas centers around divorce. Did you know roughly 75% of people in the dating marketplace over 45 years old are divorced? Now that's anecdotal, so don't quote me on that, but that's a rough estimate. And I want you to think about it. Divorce is an unraveling of the tapestry of your old life, and many people just immediately want to fill that gap, so they enter into the dating marketplace rather wounded. And these men, oftentimes they're seeking that companionship, they're seeking that connection, they're seeking that sex, and they're going about it very bread crummy-like, okay? Little bits and pieces with someone because they're not operating from a place of intentionality. And that's really important to understand this. Now our current dating pool centers around mostly focusing, when we think about getting to know someone, it mostly focuses on fun, good time, romance, fun, good time, romance. Think about that for a second. When you're operating from a place of fun, let's have a good time, let's it be romantic. What that can lead to is an early entering into the physical part of the relationship, and not establishing the deep roots of trust in the emotional part of the relationship. This is why when women come to me working with me, and by the way, one of the things I help women do is ask the right questions in the early stages of dating based on their personality to determine, is this person right for me? By the way, there's a link below to get a schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. Why am I sharing this? Is when we focus on romance, the physical part of the relationship tends to get developed, and what's missing is the bonding part of the relationship, which is through emotional intimacy, through emotional intimacy. See, if you think about bread crumbing, bread crumbing is just a little bits and pieces, giving little bits and pieces to someone based on uncertainty, a lack of intentionality. That's what bread crumbing is. In other words, I just want some bits and pieces of you at my beck and call. So I'll give you little bits and pieces of me. And it's not like the men in the retreat I went to that were very intentional in the process. So what does it look like to be intentional in the process? So I want to share something personal with you if that's okay. After going through a divorce, I found myself in the dating marketplace. And like many men going through divorce, I thought, oh, I know what I want. I'm ready for a relationship. I know what I want. I'm ready for a relationship. And I'd go out on my, I never forget my first internet date, went out on a really nice date with a really nice woman. Something wasn't right. And then a few days later, I went out with another woman, really nice woman, really great date. Something wasn't right. And a few days later, another one, another one. In fact, back then I had over a hundred internet dates in one year. Can you believe that? I literally was going out on meets and greets practically twice a week. And the same common thread. Nice woman, nice date, something wasn't right. Now what I realized in that period of time, as I looked back, it was the something right wasn't me. Something right wasn't me. So I started, this is where I, you know, I was actually beginning my dating coaching process or I began my dating coaching process after this because I began reading all the books. And by the way, folks, you know, I recommend book after book after book. By the way, there's a link below. Jonathan recommends books. I began reading the books that most of the women read. See, here's the thing. Men don't tend to read relationship books. Men tend to read personal development books, centered around wealth building and building confidence. I'm going to repeat that. Wealth building and building confidence. That's the air. That's why men tend to gravitate to Tony Robbins and some of the other male coaches because they're focused on wealth building and building the confidence. Now the byproduct of building that confidence is that they have the confidence to explore a relationship with someone. Here's the tricky part. Have they built the foundation underneath them to support a healthy, happy relationship? So I said that this was a personal share. About five years after my divorce, no, five or six years after my divorce, I met someone and began a relationship. Someone I really cared for deeply. Here's the problem. I was significantly wounded and unhealed from my past. And what happened was I entered the relationship as an anxious attachment. Many of you women, if you're not familiar with love attachment style, Google love attachment style, but most of you who follow my channel are familiar with anxious, avoid it and secure. So I entered into this relationship. It was six years on and off, very unhealthy. Well, I shouldn't say unhealthy. I was more prepared for them when I first got married, but I was kind of damaged when I entered into this relationship. Interestingly enough, she was a therapist. She actually saw all my wounds. In fact, I think she even dated me or was in a relationship with me with maybe a little bit of rose-colored glasses, but she was fully aware that we probably weren't a long-term fit for one another. She even said that right in the beginning. What's interesting is she went against her own programming, which meant that... And what's further interesting is we both healed each other during that time. So then after that relationship ended, I began doing a deep dive. I did the Hoffman process. I did Insight Institute. Now you might be thinking, Jonathan, you're rambling here. Why is it important to recognize this? For a man to be intentional in the process, there has to be some level of healing from the past. And a lot of men, what they do is they dismiss their past instead of actually heal their past. And if they go into a new relationship unhealed, in many cases, they're bread crumbing because they're operating from a place of uncertainty and a lack of intentionality. Now let me show you what intent... Let me demonstrate what intentionality might look like. And I said this was going to be a personal share. Oops, my... Fixed my chair. My beloved and I, when we began our relationship, it was long distance. And the first time we met was over a weekend. I happened to actually be traveling to Chicago on... For a personal reason, then we met. So when she actually came to Los Angeles to visit, I had the idea that we would do a deep dive with one another and lay our cards on the table very early on. And some of you asked me, Jonathan, what does laying the cards on the table look like? Well, literally folks, I'm a walking version of the book Eight Dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman. Again, there's a link below to get a copy of these books, Eight Dates. What this is, what... When I say we laid our cards on the table, this book is eight separate conversations to build a sense of no like and trust with a person. Let me repeat that, no like and trust. See, first understand something. The most significant important aspect of a relationship is trust and commitment. By the way, that's the first chapter in this book is trust and commitment. Without trust, without a level of commitment. And by the way, a lot of people might commit to monogamy and exclusivity, but that's just layer one of commitment. Trust is, do you feel safe with this person? And what happened after three days, and by the way, when I say three days, I'm saying we laid a picnic on the living room floor and for 10 hours a day, we bared our souls to one another. We did an accelerated version of this book. Now, that's because we had distance and we had to accelerate this process. I don't say we had to, but we felt that it would be important to accelerate the process. And what I mean by accelerate is we wanted to cut through all the bullshit. We both were physically attracted to one another and we both wanted commitment. Okay, we're physically attracted. We both wanted commitment. Now we had to determine are we compatible with one another? Now, thankfully, prior to meeting her, I did the work to be prepared for the relationship. And she did as well, she did something called Life Spring back in her 20s. And then later on, after she went through a significant ending of a relationship, she did something called the naked divorce. You might want to Google the naked divorce. I highly recommend it. Whether you are in a relationship or you're actually divorced because it's a healing process to prepare you. And ladies, I know many of you think that you're so, you know, you're good communicators, you're good at this stuff. Many of you actually lack a sense of self-confidence, self-respect, and self-love. This is why I encourage you to check out my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love? Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help, and Spiritual Work. By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of the book. Why I recommend my book is it's a journey to self-respect. Because many of you are operating from the premises, I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I think there's two, there's three types of women out there actively dating. There's the entitled woman who basically operates from a place of expectation from men. And sometimes she gets what she wants temporarily. Then there are the women who I call, sadly, I call the doormats. They are auditioning for a relationship and they compromise themselves. They give their power away to men. There's a significant percentage of you ladies that do that, a significant percentage. And while you might want commitment, if you're giving your power away to a man, then you're not actually showing up as a good partner for that man either. This is why I sometimes recommend the book. I'm not, I don't love all of the things in the book. Why Men Love Bitches. And Bitch to Me stands for babe in total control of herself. And then I think most every other woman is somewhere in between. And yes, there are the, as many men who are healed and ready for a relationship, there are as many women that are actually healed and ready for a relationship that actually have done that work of not operating from a place of expectation but from a place of cooperation. So when it comes to bread crumbing folks, it's kind of easy to spot. There's a lack of consistency with this person. And when I come back to my men's group, the thread for all of us who are in a happy relationship is consistent effort and giving of our time to this relationship. And more importantly, being intentional about fostering this relationship. And this is why I recommend the book Eight Dates. And I'm also going to recommend one more book today folks. If you haven't read the book, I hear you, the extraordinarily simple skills behind, excuse me, the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships. Many of you lack the skills to articulate your needs, wants and desires in a relationship. And this is a great starting point to help you improve that skill set of communication. Many of you think hawking is communication. Hawking isn't communication. Expressing yourself, speaking your truth, doing it from a kind place, active listening, acknowledging another person. That is communication. And actually, if I really want to go deeper through communication in a romantic relationship is not about, how's your day going? Did you have a good day? It's about expressing your feelings to one another. Even when it hurts, expressing it to one another without judgment, without comparisons, without guilt, without resentment. That is the essence of good solid communication. Folks, many of you might think you can just sit back in your feminine energy and let the man lead. But the reality is today, we are dysfunctional society. We are dysfunctional human beings. Our emotional maturity and relationship skills are incredibly weak. And this is why I recommend books. And I repeat myself over and over and over again to encourage doing the inner work so you can be prepared for a healthy, happy relationship later on down the road. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. And again, check out the links below. Schedule a discovery call with me. Join my group if you can't afford coaching. Follow me on Instagram and certainly check out the books I recommend. And I also have a podcast called The What Would Love Do podcast if you prefer audio versus this visual. Listen, I know it sucks when a man breadcrumbs. He's doing it because he lacks a sense of intentionality. Importantly, he has a lot of uncertainty going on in his life. Choose men. Do a better job of choosing men who are in a good place to move forward in a relationship who are consistent in giving effort. They are giving of their time and they are willing to co-create a relationship with you. And that's my invitation for all of you. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up our video. First off, I'm going to give myself a big gigantic shot at the miracle of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or a pillow. Give either of them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now.