 Palm olive soap, your beauty hope, and luster cream shampoo for soft, glamorous, caressible hair bring you our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden. Most teachers, the first few school days after the Easter week vacation, posed a problem in readjustment to routine. But our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School, didn't let the idiosyncrasies of her pupils dampen her spirits one bit. No, indeed. In fact, last Friday, after my final class, I just smiled, bowed to the students, and went quietly out of my mind. But I'm a little ahead of my story. It all started when the undergraduate body declared last week to be, let's dress up week. Contained in this malevolent mardi gras were such jolly, daily fiestas as clashing colors day in which anyone caught wearing an outfit that matched was severely punished by his or her fellow students. And die one leg of your trousers blue day, which is self-explanatory. By Thursday, which was girls wear slacks and boys wear one shoe only day, Mr. Conklin, our beloved principal, was fit to be tied. At a general assembly that afternoon, he sternly demanded that all the shenanigans cease. Accordingly, I had my landlady, Mrs. Davis, wake me a little earlier than usual on Friday morning. But I still don't understand why you had me get you up at this unearthly hour, Connie, why it's only 7.15, and you're all finished with your shower and everything. Not everything, Mrs. Davis. I've still got to find a pair of stockings that haven't got a run in them. Let's see if there's a pair hiding in this drawer. You see, Mrs. Davis, Mr. Conklin's in a rampage over the way the kids at school are dressing. He says it's up to us teachers to put a stop to it. How about these stockings, Connie? They have no runs in them. Let's see. Say, they are in good shape at that. Too bad they're gloves. Gloves? Gloves? Isn't it a shame and me without a thumb on either foot? I never saw anyone get so many torn stockings as you do. How do you do it, Connie? I have helped, Mrs. Davis. That desk of mine at school has an insatiable appetite for nylon. I've paid Mr. Conklin to requisition a new desk, but he says the school has more vital needs than the new desk for my room. Like what, for instance? Like a new desk for his room. Oh, here's a pair of stockings I can wear. The runs are all in the back. Good. Now I'll make you some breakfast and, oh, that reminds me. I forgot to tell you something while you were in the bathroom, Connie. What's that, Mrs. Davis? Oh, it's terrible how absent-minded I'm becoming. Why, I'm getting to be as bad as my sister Angela. She can't remember a thing, poor dear. I know, Mrs. Davis, but what was it you forgot to tell me? It was about a phone call, Connie. I guess these little laps as a memory just run in my family, although mother wasn't so bad. I'm glad. Now about this phone call, Mrs. Davis. What phone call? The one I received while I was in the bathroom. What a strange place to receive a phone call. I didn't receive it, Mrs. Davis. Oh, that's too bad. Well, I'll start breakfast now, Connie. Yes, Mrs. Davis? Walter Denton phoned while you were in the bathroom. He said he's going to be unavoidably detained, but he's sending Stretch Snodgrass to drive you to school. Stretch Snodgrass? Yes. Why? I didn't know he could drive. He's a wonderful athlete, of course, but driving a car requires a certain amount of brain power in some states, that is. He isn't a very bright student, I know, but Stretch is a nice boy, Connie. He really looks up to Walter Denton, doesn't he? Scholastically, that shouldn't cause him any eye strain. Oh, stay there, Mrs. Davis. I'll answer it. Well, it's Harriet Conklin. Come in, Harriet. Thanks, Miss Brooks. I'll just take a minute to tell you what I want. It's that black dress with the green trim you had to wear on Easter Sunday when you spotted eggs on your new Easter dress. The one you said you were so sick of, remember? How could I forget? But what do you want with it, Harriet? Well, I need it for domestic science class. We've got to remodel something, and I want it if you'd mind my borrowing it. I guess it's okay, Harriet. It's right here in this chair in the hall. Well, that's convenient. What's it doing there? I was going to send it to a cleaning establishment, I know, that loses things pretty regularly. Here, take it. Oh, thanks a lot, Miss Brooks. Believe me, the next time you see it, you won't recognize it. If that's a promise, you're welcome, Harriet. Bye. Goodbye. Now, that's funny. She was wearing slacks, and her father is distinctly anti-girls wearing slacks to school. Are you talking to me, Connie? Why not? I just wondered why Harriet Conklin's wearing slacks today. Coming. That must be stretch. Greetings, Miss Brooks. I have a robe. It ain't Laurence Olivier. Come in, stretch. Thanks, Miss Brooks. Walter's un... Unavoidably detained. You're going to drive me to school. That's right, Miss Brooks. Stretch, before we do anything else, I'd like to know why you're wearing that yellow and green bandana wrapped around your forehead. You know how Mr. Conklin feels about these crazy costumes. This isn't any costume, Miss Brooks. It's just to cover up a bad cut on my head. I don't want the other guys to see the bandage on it, or they'll think I'm a sissy if that's why I didn't win. Didn't win what? The hamburger eating contest we had yesterday after school. That's how come I got a cut head. Let's take it nice and slowly now. You say you got a cut head in a hamburger eating contest? That's right. I ate 19 of them. I ate 19 of them. Gosh, you wasn't even in the contest. I mean, you ate 19 of them. I guess winning that contest was pretty important to you. Oh, I didn't win. I came in fifth. Congratulations. But about the cut on your... Like I said, I was just getting ready to eat my 20th hamburger when I began to see little circles in front of my eyes. Probably onion rings. Then everything got kind of dark, and I slowly toppled off my stool onto my head. And you know something? Those other guys in the contest kept right on eating hamburgers. But hadn't been for that. I don't want first prize, sure. Just for the record stretch, what was the first prize? A banana split. That didn't. I won't be eating any breakfast today, Mrs. Davis. Let's go stretch. And so class, we have time for just about one more question. Which is, how would you describe as tersely as possible the finish of Shakespeare's King Lear? Why stretch? Your hand is up. What's your answer? What does tersely mean? Well, that's a good answer. Tersely means briefly stretch. Now, how did King Lear finish? He flipped his lid, didn't he? What? Flew his cork. You know, snapped his cap. The fellas with the net came for him. You know, they'll be here for me soon. If you're trying to say that King Lear was driven mad stretch by the miserable treatment of his daughters, why... Saved by the bell. See you tomorrow, kids. Oh, stretch. You wait here a minute. Yes, ma'am. Do you know where Walter Denton is? This is the first time he's missed my English class in months. He said something about being late today, Miss Brooks, on a kind of getting up some kind of protest stunt, he said. Protest stunt? Come in. Pardon me, Miss Brooks, but am I terribly late? Now, Walter, you're a little early for the next class. I'm sorry, Miss Brooks, but this is vital. How you stretch? Hi, Walter. Think of something good. A knockout. Miss Brooks is editor of the Madison Monitor. I cannot but deplore the disciplinary action taken by Mr. Conklin in forbidding the girls at this school to wear slacks including his own daughter. Well, they would be awfully crowded that way. Now, watch the protest, Walter. You're going to wear that yellow slicker all day? Oh, no, ma'am. I'm going to take it off right now. There. Walter, you got a dress on. My dress? Walter, what in the world are you... It's my protest gesture, Miss Brooks. As editor of the Madison Monitor, I am not only a firm believer in freedom of the press, but in freedom of dress. Hence, I refuse to wear any apparel that is taboo for the diss staff side of Madison. Listen to that guy talk. Walter, you know this won't work. Mr. Conklin's upset enough as it is without your help. I'm sorry, Miss Brooks. This thing is bigger than Mr. Conklin. It's...let me look out the window a minute while I collect my thoughts. That's what Daniel Webster always did before he made a speech. As I look out upon the hallowed grounds of our beloved school, I can't help thinking of the principles upon which it was founded. Well, you sound like Daniel Webster all right, but you look like Betsy Ross. You better take off that dress, Walter. Good morning, Miss Brooks. Mr. Conklin. I was just passing by and wondered if you'd done anything about these outfits. It's not grass. Yes, Mr. Conklin. What's the meaning of that outlandish turban? It's just to cover up a cut, Mr. Conklin. I tied it too tight, but I'll take it off as soon as I can get the knots out. Well, I'll see that you do. And I...ah, who's this over by the window? Now, there's a little girl who knows how to dress for school. A simple black frock with nice green braid trim. What's your name, dear? Come, come, come. I won't bite you. Now, turn around. There. Now, what's your name? Walter Denton. I see. Well, that's a lovely dress you have on Walter. I wish some of... That's a lovely dress you have on Walter. Nothing about Walter. He looks good in anything he wears. Quiet. Denton, what is the meaning of this disgraceful exhibition? It's a protest, sir, against your refusing to let the girls wear slacks. In my opinion... I am not interested in your opinion, Denton. Where did you get that dress? This? Oh, this belongs to Miss Brooks. Miss Brooks? Thanks, Walter. For a minute, I thought I wasn't going to get any billing. But Miss Brooks didn't lend it to me, Mr. Conklin. She'd given it to your daughter Harriet for her sewing class. But when I told Harriet about my protest plan, she gave it to me gladly. I can't believe it. My own flesh and blood mixed up in an aferious scheme like this. I don't see what difference it makes what you wear, as long as you keep learning stuff. Indeed. And Miss Brooks, I believe that 70% is the passing mark in examination. That's right, Mr. Conklin. Tell me, what mark did Denton receive on his English midterm exams? 45. 4. 45. What a brain. And you, Snodgrass, what was your mark on the midterms? Well, right before I got to the last question, I broke my pencil. What was your mark, Snodgrass? 9. 9. See, Mr. Conklin, what difference does it make what you wear, as long as you keep learning stuff? For Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden will continue in just a moment. But first, here is Vern Smith. Here's wonderful news, ladies. Wonderful, wonderful news. Now there's something thrillingly new in Pamalee Soap's famous beauty lather. Yes, something thrillingly new. Pamalee's famous beauty lather now brings you new fragrance, new charm, new allure. Millions of women will prefer beauty lather, Pamalee. Over all other leading toilet soaps, the minute they try it. For Pamalee Soap's famous beauty lather now has a new, clean, flower-fresh fragrance for new allure, new charm. So, ladies, forget all other beauty care and use Pamalee Soap the way doctors advised for a lovelier complexion. Just stop improper cleansing and instead wash your face with Pamalee Soap three times a day, massaging Pamalee's wonderful beauty lather onto your skin for 60 seconds each time to get its full, beautifying effect. Then rinse. That's all. All types of skin. Young, older, oily, respond to it quickly. Don't wait another day to try Pamalee's beauty lather. You'll be thrilled by its new fragrance, new charm, new allure. Thrilled again by the fresher, brighter complexion, doctors prove may soon be yours. For new loveliness all over, use big, bass-sized Pamalee in tub or shower. Well, Mr. Conklin finally suspended sentence on Walter and Stretch, but not until he had carved six or seven new notches in his blood pressure. By lunch, I was so dizzy from having been on the ball all morning that after the bell rang, I just sat at my desk with my head in my hands. Excuse me, Miss Brooks. What? Oh, it's Mr. Boynton. I didn't hear you coming, which is very unusual for me. Your door was ajar, so I thought I'd drop in for a minute. Well, do, Mr. Boynton, come on in. I am in. Oh, you can come in further than that. You won't be tagged out if you take both feet off the threshold. I just wanted to ask you to lunch, Miss Brooks. The cafeteria has meatballs today. You're just incurably romantic, aren't you? I'll be glad to come. That is, if Mr. Conklin isn't up there on an inspection tour... Inspection tour? What do you mean, Miss Brooks? If they know what's good for them, the lamb chops will be wearing trousers instead of those little paper panties. He's really on a close kick, Mr. Boynton. Well, you needn't worry about Mr. Conklin any more today, Miss Brooks. I just saw him a minute ago, and he told me he was going over to the Board of Education to see Mr. Stone. Mr. Stone, the president of the board? Maybe Mr. Conklin's been called up in the carpet. No, the Board of Education hasn't got a carpet. Just nice cement floors and an early American whipping post for naughty teachers. I don't know what this is all about, Miss Brooks, but I'm sure you'll feel a lot better after you've had something to eat. I guess so, Mr. Boynton. Yes, Miss Brooks, we... Oh, hi, Mr. Boynton. Hello, Walter, Stretch. Hi, Mr. Boynton. What can I do for you two that hasn't gotten me into enough trouble already? I just wanted to explain about the dress I borrowed from Harriet that belonged to you. In taking it off, my massive shoulders kind of shredded it. See? Oh, great. Well, it's no good to me now. Just hang it neatly in the nearest wastebasket. We thought maybe you'd want to go to lunch with us, Miss Brooks. Today is Meatball Day. Don't tell me you're going to dress up like meatballs now. Oh, no, Miss Brooks, we're just going to eat. You want to come? Oh, thanks, just the same, Walter, but I promised to have lunch with Mr. Boynton. I'll just close up this desk and we're off for lunch. That's what I say. Just mail me a meatball special delivery. Is it a bad rip, Miss Brooks? Oh, no. Very good. All the way. Any suggestions? This is terribly embarrassing. I'd better go get your sandwich until you can get your skirt repaired. Please bring a sandwich with plenty of lettuce. Lettuce? Yes, I may have to wear some. Walter, you try and find Harriet. She may be able to loan me something to wear. Okay, Miss Brooks, stretch. You stay here and keep Miss Brooks company. Like it back. All right, Walter. Well, here we are. What do you want to do, Miss Brooks? Well, we can't dance, stretch. Let's try to think. That is, let's let me try to think. I got an idea, Miss Brooks. Not so loud. It'll get away. Harriet Conklin always leaves her gym bloomers in your coat room when she's not taking phys ed, doesn't she? Well, yes, I believe she does. Then if you change into them, I could take your skirt up to the domestic science room and have it sewn up by the time lunch period is over. Stretch, I've been underestimating you grossly. I can't for the life of me see how you didn't get a mark of at least 12 on the midterms. How do I look in Harriet's gym bloomers? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Get it up real close to the desk like this and nobody'll know the difference. Well, I'll take the skirt over the... Oh, we meet again. Oh, hello, Mr. Conklin. This is an informal call, Miss Brooks. You needn't bother rising. Don't worry, I won't. I mean, how is everything, Mr. Conklin? I just wanted to tell you, Snotgrass, what are you doing with that skirt over your arm? Skirt? Now, see here, young man. I've had about enough protest gestures for one day, hand it over. Oh, but Mr. Conklin, it doesn't belong to him. Then to whom does it belong? It belongs to him, all right. He looks lovely in it. This has been a very confusing day for me, but I'm trying to control myself. Hand over the skirt, boy. Or better yet, take it to my office and wait for me. I want to talk to you about that bandana you failed to remove. Yes, sir. Goodbye, Miss Brooks. I stopped in to tell you, Miss Brooks, that I've just received a call from the president of the Board of Education cancelling my appointment over there. You did? I did. Instead, Mr. Stone is coming here. He is? He is. He's going to personally inspect both the student body and the faculty. The faculty? The faculty. There seems to be an echo in here. It must be the deep inkwells. I cannot impress upon you two vehemently, therefore, the necessity for the ultimate in neatness and simplicity of apparel. Do I make myself clear? You make yourself clear, Mr. Conklin. Good. Good. Now, cut that out! I don't like to threaten people, Miss Brooks, but you've got to tow the mug. Oh, please don't bang on my desk, Mr. Conklin. You'll get a fistful of splinters. Oh, I'm sorry. I mustn't lose control. But you've got... Oh, excuse me. I'm not... Not your pen after this. Oh, don't bend down. I'll get it for you, Mr. Conklin. Don't bother. No bother, no bother at all. I'll just kneel down here and I'll get... Good heaven! This floor is filthy. Look at the knees of my trousers, dust and chalk marks. Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Conklin. Let me see if I can reach that panel. There's an easy way, Miss Brooks. The desk is on casters. We'll just roll it out of the way. Good, Mr. Conklin, you... Ah, here it is. Now I... Miss Brooks. What are you doing in those bloomers? Well, it's like this, Mr. Conklin. On Decoration Day, the drama class is putting on a play. Poppycock. No, sir. Snow White in the Seven Dwarves. And I've been asked to play the part of the prince and dress rehearsal is right after school. More Poppycock. Yes, sir. The truth is I ripped my skirt on this splendidly old desk and just put these on till I could get something else. My goodness, Mr. Conklin, that could happen to anyone. Then why doesn't it? No, Miss Brooks, these things only happen to you. Hear me? I'm going over to my office now and wait for Mr. Stone. And you'd better get something to put on besides those... those black laundry bags. And so, Snodgrass, nuts or no nuts, Mr. Stone must not see you wearing that bizarre headdress. You understand? Yes, sir. I'll cut it off with his scissors. What's the errand you want to run for me, sir? Oh, I want you to run one for me. I want you to take my trousers over to the Domestic Science class and tell Miss Atterbury to sponge the chalk marks off the knees and give them a neat pressing. Now, you just stand right outside the door here and I'll drop the trousers over the trance. All right, Mr. Conklin. Are you directly under the trance? Yes, sir. Good. I'll just be a minute. How are you, Stretch? Hello, Harriet. Did you find anything for Miss Brooks, Walter? Not a thing that would fit her, Stretch. Excuse me, Walter, but isn't that Mr. Stone's car pulling up in front of the school? Yeah, I think it is. Mr. Stone? Gee, I'd better beat it. I don't want him to catch me in this bandana. I'll come back after I cut it off. What's wrong? I don't see why all this fuss is being made over what we wear. Well, that's not important right now, Harriet. I wish to heaven we could find something for Miss Brooks to wear. She's the one who re... Oh, Walter, something just landed on your head. What do you know? It's a pair of pants. I'm gonna take him over to Miss Brooks right away. But I don't... Harriet, please. Who are we to argue with heaven? See, but they're better than the bloomers. You look like an ad for trims in those slacks, Miss Brooks. Real slim. Of course, you don't fill them out all over, but why don't you take a couple of geography books and put them in there? Never mind. I'll get them until I can get my torn skirt out of Mr. Conklin's office and have it fixed. Right now, though, he's still too angry. Well, I cut the bandana off. Now I can... Say, what are you doing in Mr. Conklin's pants, Miss Brooks? Mr. Conklin's pants? Yeah. I was gonna get him pressed for him, but Mr. Stone came by and... Walter, this is awful. You took Daddy's trousers, and now he must be marooned in his office in his shorts. Gee, I'm sorry, Harriet, but I didn't know they were his. Oh, well, calm down, kids. We'll get everything straightened out. I beg your pardon. But is this Miss Brooks' room? Mr. Stone. Well, yes, sir. I'm Miss Brooks. We've met several times. In fact, I spent my Easter vacation working at the Board of Education. Miss Brooks, do you always dress this way at school? Oh, no, sir. I dress this way all the time. That is, these even aren't my trousers. I... They're not hers, Mr. Stone. They belong to Mr. Conklin. Mr. Conklin? But how does he feel about you wearing his trousers? Chilly. He must be pretty annoyed, Mr. Stone, but I'm... Right now, you're coming across the hall to his office, Miss Brooks. Oh, but Mr. Stone, Mr. Conklin doesn't expect us. Somebody ought to go on ahead of... I'll go, Miss Brooks. You, Jelrin, will sit down in this room and be still. Now, then, Miss Brooks, after you. You certainly are. I'm coming, Mr. Stone. Here's the door to his office. Now go on in. I'd better knock first. No! Wait, please. Don't stand there, Miss Brooks. Go on in. Pardon me, Mr. Conklin, but I was forced to see you right away. How dare you come bursting into my office like this? And in my trousers! Where did you? How did you? How did you? Just a moment, Osgood. No, Mr. Stone. You should not berate Miss Brooks for what she's wearing, Osgood. After all, you've got a badly torn skirt on, Osgood. I were you. A badly torn skirt on Osgood. What is the meaning of this? I can explain everything, Mr. Stone. You can? I mean, of course you can. I know you can, Miss Brooks. Go ahead. Explain it. You see, Mr. Stone, each year on Decoration Day, the drama club gives a play. This year it's called It Also Happens to You. Isn't that right, Mr. Conklin? Anything. I mean, yes. It also happens to me. What about this play? Well, faculty and students both take part, and Mr. Conklin's going to act in one of the very important scenes, a scene called Poppycock on Parade. Yes, yes, that's it. It's a beautiful scene, it's a lovely scene. A destroyed skirt. What has this torn skirt done? There's a rehearsal right after school in full costume. I was just getting ready. That's right, Mr. Stone. Mr. Conklin plays the part of a lonely native girl on Poppycock Island. It's one of the Hawaiian group. One of the smaller ones. What is all this? If you're pulling my leg, I'll... Oh, I don't think Mr. Stone has convinced your athespian, Mr. Conklin. Perhaps you'd better do the little dance you do in the show. Dance? You know, where your lover leaves you all alone on the beach? I'll supply the music, Mr. Conklin. Oh, you love this, Mr. Stone? It's then to the theme song of the play. It also happens to you. Poof, Mr. Conklin. Brooks returns in just a moment, but first... Tonight, show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo. Only luster cream brings U.K. Dumas magic formula blend of secret ingredients plus gentle lanolin. Gives loveliness lather even in hardest water. Glamourizes your hair as you wash it. Luster cream, not a soap, not a liquid, but a dainty cream shampoo. Leaves hair frequently clean, free of loose dandruff, glistening with sheen. Soft, manageable. Gives new beauty to all hairdos or permanents. Four ounce jar, one dollar. Smaller sizes, either tubes or jars. Tonight, try luster cream shampoo and be a... Dream girl, dream girl, beautiful luster cream girl. You owe your crowning glory to a luster cream shampoo. And now, once again, here is our Miss Brooks. Well, Mr. Conklin was so grateful to me for getting him out of his embarrassing situation that he canceled all punishments and the entire matter was dropped. That night, I was sitting in the living room with Mrs. Davis when the phone rang. And of all people, it was Mr. Stone. About that play the drama club is putting on, Miss Brooks. Will you be kind enough to hold a dozen seats for me? I'm bringing the entire board of education. The entire board of education? Yes. I want them to see us good Conklin do that dance in that costume. I'll be looking forward to seeing you too, Miss Brooks. Where will you be after the show? Mr. Stone, if Mr. Conklin does that dance in that costume, I'll be swimming like mad for Poppycock Island. Next week, put into another Our Miss Brooks show, brought to you by Palm Olive Soap, Your Beauty Hope, and luster cream shampoo for soft, glamorous, carusible hair. Our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden, is produced by Larry Burns, written and directed by Al Lewis, with music by Wilbur Hatch. Mr. Boynton is played by Jeff Chandler, Mr. Conklin by Gale Gordon. Others in tonight's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Crenna, Gloria McMillan, Leonard Smith, and Earl Ross. Men, do you shave with a lather or brushless shave cream? Palm olive shaving cream comes both ways. And whichever way you prefer to shave, you'll find that using either palm olive brushless or palm olive lather shaving cream can bring you more comfortable, actually smoother shaves. Here's the proof. 2,548 men tried the new palm olive way to shave, described on the tube. And no matter how they had shaved before, three out of every four got more comfortable, actually smoother shaves. Get palm olive brushless or palm olive lather shaving cream today. For Mr. a liberally sprinkled with laughs, listen to Mr. and Mrs. North, the exciting, fun-packed adventures of an amateur detective and his beautiful wife. Tune in Tuesday evenings over most of these same stations. And be with us again next week at the same time for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks. Bob LeMond speaking. Stay tuned now for Life with Luigi, which follows over most of these stations. This is CBS, where 99 million people gather every week the Columbia Broadcasting System.