 We all know what an advantage it is to be confident in how having self-confidence can make a huge difference in your professional, social and personal life. We search the internet for practices to increase confidence. However, we do certain things that kill our spirit. Thus, it is equally important to make sure that we find out those things and avoid them. In this video, I will share with you nine things that kill confidence. 1. Seeking approval from everyone Do you regularly make choices to avoid disapproval or criticism rather than what is most valuable, useful or essential to you? As humans, we like for our egos to be greased by others. One contrary word from someone can be jaw-dropping because we detest criticism. However, the Greek philosopher Aristotel once noted that criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing doing nothing and being nothing. Criticism is a part of life that everyone who desired to be successful must encounter and the need for approval kills freedom and confidence. Truly confident people have no interest in pleasing everyone they meet. They understand that not everyone is going to agree with them and that's okay. When you are bent on trying to do only what everyone approves, you deprive yourself of being your best and that kills confidence. Hence, focus more on building quality relationships with the people you respect and value rather than focusing on winning over every person you meet. 2. Focusing more on the obstacle than the solution Life is full of obstacles with everything from learning to talk to your first leap to building your first company. However, every obstacle encountered is an opportunity to grow as a person. Challenges can often send a spiraling into doubts and worries as you imagine all the worst possible outcomes and become paralyzed. Steel, personal growth consistently is what generates the kind of confidence that lasts. For instance, when a minor situation challenges a relationship, some people often immediately assume that their partner is losing interest in them. Sadly, this often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy later on because they focus on the problem rather than looking towards getting a solution. When you focus on obstacles, more problems are generated. These problems cross your self-confidence. You have a choice. You can choose to focus all of your attention on the problem, which gets you nowhere. Or you can choose to acknowledge the problem and then quickly move to find a solution. 3. Being around negative people Some people think being alone makes you lonely. But the truth is that being surrounded by the wrong people and negative people in particular is far more desolated, more dangerous. It is better to be alone than to be with negative people. Words and actions of negative people are one of the greatest confidence killers. Although not many people admit to being easily influenced by the terms of others, little words and actions of people around you can combine and over time become a huge problem. In the words of American entrepreneur and motivational speaker, Jim Rohn, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Negative thinkers will never do you any good. They will only kill your confidence, so stay clear from them. 4. Perfectionism A lot of people get the idea that they need to be perfect in everything they do. They cannot stop and look around and realize that true perfection does not exist. Instead, it is put in a completely unattainable level of pressure and burden upon themselves. The idea of perfection creates a situation where people are tough on themselves when they do not achieve the level of perfection that they have set for themselves. The inability to reach their expectations usually takes a huge hit to their self-esteem as they consider anything less than perfect of failure. Perfectionists believe that they are not worthy because they are not perfect. Thus, instead of trying to be the best they can be, they push towards flawlessness, which can be disheartening and confidence killing. Nevertheless, once a perfectionist learns that there is no such thing as perfection and that no one expects that of them, they can gain a more realistic image of themselves and start to build their self-esteem. 5. Living in the past What's done is done, as the old saying goes. Yes, the memories of the past may linger in our memory for a long time, but the truth is there is nothing we can do to change the past. We can only change how we think about it. We all have decisions we might undo if we had a choice. Good times we took for granted. Events we wished we could have avoided. Sadly, you cannot change the past. You can only find strength and hope in the fact that you can always change today. Dwelling in the past and sulking on your previous actions is something that can cause your confidence level to fall drastically. 6. Comparing yourself with others An anonymous writer once said, why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you. You will never believe in yourself as long as you are comparing yourself to someone else. Unfortunately, comparing ourselves to others is something that comes naturally to us. When we see things in other people that we like, we are often tempted to feel less about ourselves. However, comparison never makes anyone feel better. It only belittles you. Being kind and true to who you are, to your unique thoughts, ideas, actions and beliefs, is as important as being kind and honest to others. If you admire something, strive towards getting it instead of comparing it. Comparison kills confidence. 7. Ungratefulness One fact about life that so many people fail to understand is that no matter how bad you have it, someone will be worse off and no matter how good you have it, someone will be doing better. Gratitude allows you to focus on what you do have instead of what you don't. It gives you the confidence to appreciate what's around you and the poise to pay attention to details you might overlook. Whereas, ungratefulness takes your mind off what you have and places it on the things you lack. When you are ungrateful, you are naturally inclined to lose your self-confidence and see less of yourself. Anytime you need a boost, take an inventory of all the great things you have. 8. Saying I don't know One clear fact about life is that nobody can do everything. However, the difference between those bursting with confidence and those who wilt in the face of difficulty is how they think about strange things. Shane Siemens, founder of marketing firm SS Consulting Firm on the issue of the phrase I don't know, once said, whether you want to learn a new language, start a business or meet new people, eliminate the phrase I don't know how from your vocabulary. According to Siemens, when you tell yourself I don't know, your subconscious takes it in, reducing your confidence level and causes more problems for you later on in the future. Instead, you can reframe this negative self-talk with more positive phrases such as how can I do this or where should I start. These questions will boost your confidence and open your brain to think about solutions. 9. Interpreting failure As a reflection of your worth One thing is sure that successful and unsuccessful people differ in the way that they view failure. In contrast, successful people understand that failure is simply part of the learning process. Every time they figure out the wrong way to do something, they get one step closer to discovering the right way of doing it. For successful people, failure is a matter of perception. On the other hand, unsuccessful people tend to take failure personally. They see failure as a reflection of their worth and that breaks their confidence. Furthermore, unsuccessful people think that it also proves that they are a failure in life when they fail. Thomas Edison failed 1,000 times while inventing the lightbulb before he got it to work. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, quoted as saying, I've failed over and over again in my life. That is why I succeed. If these individuals have allowed their failure to get the better part of them, they would have lost confidence in themselves and wouldn't have made the impact that they are known for today. So, the next time you fail at something before you start beating yourself up about it, take a moment and remember that failure is simply part of the growth process. Our habits, even the subconscious or similarly small ones, either increases or destroys our sense of confidence and faith in ourselves.