 Hey, you yeah, you sitting there with your saggy butt cheeks and emotionless expression. I know what you're thinking boy I wish I could cast spells but all I got is an expendable firstborn child and a willingness to work under a Questionably immoral arcane master till the end of time. Well, that's just the exact sort of motivation We like for our employees at EDB Incorporated and if you sign up with us We'll be sure you're treated in a way that you deserve for assisting and furthering our goals to bring about the Ruin of the entire multiverse all I need you to do sign here and agree to give us But on the bright side we have dental welcome to a crack guide to D&D So you want to use magic But only as much as you want to hug that one family member you keep seeing at reunions But aren't quite sure how you're related then you may want to be a warlock the fake gamers of the forgotten realms How warlocks differ from the other casters is that the amount of times you can cast your spells before running out of spell slots is absolute Shit instead of having a set number of spells for each level of spell slot You get a maximum of four spell slots for all your spells up to fifth level and that's it and a few other ones But nobody cares about those the flip side is that the spells you cast are always at their max level and instead of having to take a Long rest to get those slots back all you need is an hour to have a wank have a biscuit and you're back on your feet But you know what fuck real spells you may think you're a caster But really picking this class is purely an excuse to do nothing but cast everyone's favorite cantrip eldritch cast it at weddings funerals Beach parties or you can just cast it randomly because the party is taking five hours to buy a single dagger from the shopkeeper and your board Aside from casting nothing, but eldritch all day the main draw of the warlock is the fact that it's the greatest game of dress-up dolls of all time Eldritch invocations allow you to custom tailor your warlock so that it suits you better than my form fit cure and assless Chaps you can talk to animals without needing to cast a spell go straight up invisible whenever you want but most importantly there are invocations that Allow you to customize your eldritch so that whenever you shoot your gobbledygook at whatever poor sap that looked at you Funny you can pull them forward and do your best scorpion impression snipe them from two blocks away or make the beam of Arcane destruction smell like strawberries if you like but it's not all fun and eldritch because remember you've signed a pact with a Patron so your power is being loaned you from an all-powerful arcane sugar daddy So you will have to pay interest if you want to make sure all that magic stays nicely tucked into your eldritch sack Luckily, they're not like bank loans because you can actually pay them off and they're not always inherently evil You have the choice of being boss around by a literal devil who decided to make you their favorite person So they're gonna be your mommy for a little bit a skeleton who ironically refuses to let you die because you still owe him Two platinum fairies who are just straight-up assholes God, so you're basically a cleric now literally Cthulhu But forget all those because the only real option is to have your patron be a magically possessed sentient sword and shield They yell fuck when you swing it basically you have such a huge amount of options to choose from with how you build your warlock It's very unlikely any two warlocks will be the same so get your shopping baskets light some candles have fun Customizing oh and remember you have to sacrifice three more babies by the end of the week or you're fired And now you know how to play warlock your