 Well, hello midlife love mastery members. I'm your host Jonathan Asley I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. It's a morning cup of Jonathan and today we have our That's all cup that says I don't want to work anymore. I just want to be cherished put up on a pedestal and taken care of Our topic is men lack this when dating they lack this Or is it this? So this is the piggyback on something I shared during our members call the other night and I was I was really reflecting upon something that I've noticed for those of us in midlife because When I was in my 20s I had a very strict programming when it came to relationship. I was seeking a wife I had this program of and the program was more the blueprint of my life went something like this it was After high school go to college after college get a job After getting a job meet a girl after meeting a girl get married after getting married By a house after buying a house start a family that was my blueprint of how to approach relationships and so So it was very much intentional. I had a purpose in mind. I was searching for a wife and so on some levels I had some basic Parameters I was looking for I mean and quite frankly at that time. It was really simple. I wanted someone I was attracted to I wanted someone who had a decent job and I actually wanted them to have a college education I at that. Oh, and my fourth thing was I wanted them to have parents that were still together. I Just felt like I don't know why at that moment in my life I thought that was important, but my parents had been together for 30 or 40 years At this point in my life, so I thought the same for anyone I was seeking so when I met my wife We met actually surprisingly on a dating site. This was in 1990. It was a dating It was a video dating site that site a video because there wasn't even internet back then it was just video dating Organization is what I meant and she fit my criteria was attracted to her she had a college education She had a job and she had parents So that was what I was looking for in a wife Yeah fast-forward I go through a divorce and At that point my whole world was shattered my world was shattered from the perspective of I had no clue What I wanted in relationship. I knew I wanted companionship. I knew I wanted connection You know that chemistry and I wanted sex so I was predominantly being driven by that purpose connection companionship and sex and As I reflect upon this greater now that I've reached a point in my life where I know I want to get remarried And why I'm sharing this with you there is a sense of intentionality as I'm dating in other words I do have some basic criteria. I want them. I want to be attracted to them I hopefully I want to have hopefully they have a job. I mean that's kind of important to me Ideally I would prefer someone who's an empty nester I would prefer someone who's emotionally mature now This is really getting more complicated, but I now have some different perspectives On what I'm seeking because I'm intentional. There's a purpose behind it And what I'm noticing from a lot of the questions that come up from women is that you're dating men who have no Intentionality they have no purpose. They're seeking that basic three things companionship connection and sex Without any intentionality with any purpose without any forethought of what a relationship Container looks like what it looks like from a daily basis of what you do together And whether it includes social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends travel Building teamwork skills with one another most men lack this intentionality and Because of that and what's interesting is women prefer men to lead the dating process you prefer men to be the leaders of Relationship and can you see why you're giving the job to the wrong person? I always say this you are in charge of your relationship destiny So how do we combat? How do we address this? I said combat. How do we address this? So here's my perception is you get crystal clear on who you are and what you want You get crystal clear on who you are and what you want in the form of relationship in the form of what a we Looks like we looks like not what he looks like, but what a we looks like What does the container of the we look like for you? And when you get clarity on that When you're dating a guy you simply set your standard of this is how I operate This is what I'm seeking a relationship and you invite him to share how he operates and how he Chooses to be in relationship Now I know many of you struggle with this in fact as a dating coach I get hundreds of applications coming through my desk every month seeking coaching well I'm not quite a hundred but quite a few Requests and that sort of thing and one of the common denominators is every woman I speak to almost everyone says they know what they want relationship. I Go fine now the ones that hire me go through my proprietary Workbooks in my proprietary program that I put together and then I have them rewrite They're what they're seeking a relationship compared to where they started before they hired me and what happens every single time They say God, I wished I learned this when I was in my 20s. I wish I'd learned this 10 years ago I wished I figured this out meaning Understanding the real deeper intentionality and purpose in relationship is what I help women uncover Because what happens then is you can express this to a guy and see if he meets you meets you on the 50-yard line But most you women aren't doing this you're not even expressing yourself to a guy and that's why you're going to Struggle because again, you're giving the job to the wrong person because most men lack intentionality and purpose They will follow instructions though. That's the one thing you want to Understand is we follow instructions So all you have to do is give an instruction of how you operate and then lead by example And then if we're meeting you at the 50-yard line You have a potential for a successful relationship because most men lack this they lack intentionality and purpose not all most And this will help reverse That and turn a relationship into the direction you want to head All right, I'm sure you have some questions. So please post a comment Please post a question. This is a really juicy topic and we need to get a conversation going so I highly recommend that Hey, if you've been thinking about coaching you think you can't afford it then again midlife love mastery This is a great group. Please tell your friends about it the link below to send your friends to this Amazing group where we shoot videos on Facebook and I answer your questions and and we do a once a month webinar All right, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do right now first off giving myself a big gigantic job Then bear a hug of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love I'm going to ask you to turn to someone and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love And we can all use more love in our lives. Thank you so very much in wishing you a fabulous day Bye bye now