 I say something that we all can relate to, man, like as far as trauma, you know, it's like most guys, to be honest with you, you know, don't have a father figure, bro. You know, like you're fortunate, you're a guy that grew up in a healthy household, you're very, very fortunate, right? That's just not the case for most guys. So we grew up not even knowing the proper way to be a man, right? And if you're lucky, you know, you might have a mentor or you might, if you play sports, you got to look up to your coaches and find the figures. And most of these men that we look up to, find the figures, love times, they're not great examples, we're just asking, we're not even being, you know, I'd say, mentor in the right way, you know, and you just grow up with all these insecurities, man, and never really understanding like, what it is to be a man, like, this is how you change the tide, this is how you, you know, you lose a hammer, this is how you do certain things, you know? This is how you treat women. We just, most guys, we don't have that, you know? And I just, for me personally, and like just, the guys that I interact with, you know, for men, like, when we get a certain age, bro, I feel like every guy can commit to this, you know, finances, you know? So not being a certain place financially too, you know, is something that I feel like a lot of guys deal with because we want to provide the tech, you know? So a lot of times we won't, you know, we won't go in date or even like, you know, try to re-pursue them because we feel like, you know, a certain place financially. And that, it affects our self-esteem, to be, if you want to be real, our approach to every single thing because we tie our worth to finances, being able to provide the tech, you know? When we're not gonna be able to do that on a great level, it affects every single area of our lives, you know? You don't want to hit a girl, love, love. Say, you reach out to a girl, like, and conversation goes, you know, like, let me take you out to eat, and I'm like, hold up, wait, wait, right? I got my funds for this shit. So I swear, I've been through that shit before you really mowed it off. And I missed out probably on some good women like that, like, fuck, I can't even continue to come with them because you know, that shit's gonna lead them like, damn. What I don't even say is lead them with money, bro. It's just, as a man, bro, I just feel like it's our nature, you know, when we feel like we're not a certain place, man, it's just, you know, we don't feel as good about yourself, you know? And it does affect us, it triples down to other areas of life. I agree, I agree. It's a different pressure, especially as we get older, like, I noticed for me, like, getting closer to 30 in my head, I'm like, okay, like, really getting it together, and I really like honing who I'm gonna be, you know? Like, in your early 20s, you can kind of like, I like play around, try and discover yourself, but I feel like, you know, it's a pressure for a man, as you get closer to your 30s, because you know, like, these are your prime years you're about to get into. So what am I gonna do with this time? What am I gonna do with these years? So I'm actually grateful now, like, that I'm single, you know? I used to be pressed, like, man, like, you know, I'm gonna settle down, I need to find a girl, but I talked to some married men, and one thing that they were like, you know, like, some, not all, but some men, you know, that I talked to that got married young there, like, man, I didn't understand myself as a man or my purpose, and you know, it's like, you know, if you can focus on that and get that by 30, you know, like, that this really sets you up, you know, because, like, a man's mind isn't really mature until 30, you know, and most men make the bulk of their money after their 40s and 50s, like, Warren Buffett didn't make most of the bulk of his wealth to do after his 50th birthday, you know? So I'm comfortable with that, you know? Like, it's like, it's the best years of a man's life. Yeah, yeah, but, but, you know, but most times, man, if you're not mature enough, you don't understand that, you're like, well, I might be 30, I'm not where I need to be, you know, it's the crests that you really add up, and that's why a lot of the guys are going to the Depression, you know, some guys even commit suicide, you know, they drink or something like that. Yeah, no, that's wealth, bro, that's the wealth, man. Like, to be able to have a father, like, I am grateful, you know, like, so my dad, for example, his dad died when he was like 22, but my dad's dad was very unhealthy, you know, was a rolling stone, was abusive to his mother, so he saw a very unhealthy man, but my dad made the choice and decision that he wanted to be a father and wanted to be a better man. So, like, I see that sacrifice. Now, I see some of the things that my dad got onto me about that, like, we put our heads on, like, and me stepping into that phase of becoming a young man and, like, testing my father, like, I'm so grateful for that masculine energy for him challenging me, pushing me, and, like, roughing me up at times whenever I wanted to buck, you know, so I was, I'm super grateful, you know, to understand the privilege that I had having had a father in my household, and I won't deny that, you know, like, it is a beautiful thing, and it's something that, like, I try and share what other brothers who haven't had that, you know, I try and share, like, that love that I was given, that I was fortunate enough to have in my experiences to those that are willing and able to receive it, you know, bless you, thank you, because with the cycle that I do see, like, growing up, you know, like, that was a pastor, so, like, growing up, I just saw, like, my family give so much, and I just grew up seeing a lot in church, and I saw a lot of, like, single men repeat the same process that was done, and them hurt people, hurting people. So becoming the same father that they hated so much growing up or wanted so much growing up, they become that same absent father, you know, unless they, you know, it takes, like, a difference, it takes, like, a moral compass or something bigger than you to make a shift to say, you know what, like, I want to shift the generational curse with me, like, I want to be a father, you know, like, for me, it's easier because I have a father, just like somebody who, like I said earlier, who grew up with money, it's easier to understand finances than how to handle wealth when you grew up around it, you know, or you get this as easily squandered, and I think just, like, that's just the opportunity that we have as men. I've read this book, and it says, women are born, men are made, you know, we're born male, but we have to choose to become a man, there's a lot of resources out there, you know, you've got to choose, like, you've got to educate yourself, all manhood, you know, you've got to choose to learn, like, you can't make the excuse of, like, man, I didn't have a father, like, all right, when you're younger, that's fine, you step into adulthood, you are now responsible for your journey, you're now responsible for the kids that you bring in this world, you know, like, it is our duty, no matter what, we had a father or not, society looks at men to be responsible, you know, and we got to understand that, like, that's just a hard truth for us, you know, so for me, like, I have had to, even though I had a father, I've had to still find myself as a man, you know, I still had to find my way, and I still bumped my head and made some mistakes along my journey, and it's also different for me, like, being in my late 20s, not having a relationship with my father, because he didn't have his father at this point in time in his life, you know, so it's still a learning process, but it's a beautiful thing, and I think just, like, father or no father, like, we have to make that choice to be a man and to look and find better and to be better, even if we never saw it growing up, you know? I grew up with my single mother, I feel like it does, like, it fucks with you in a way, you know, obviously, like he was saying, which, like, it's just, you miss out on a lot of things, a lot of guidance that you need, you know, in a household, but then again, I agree with you, like, miss you become a man, too, like, it's up to you to go figure it out, and you know, you can't make excuses yet, you gotta hold yourself accountable for shit, like, you can't point the finger, like, I'm not who I am, I don't blame it on my dad, but I do wish he was there, you know what I'm saying, because he could have taught me shit that I had to learn, you know, by myself or in the street, you know, I might have not got the right, you know, guidance, but it's like, fuck, when you're a kid and you're young, you're gonna fucking, you're gonna look for something to latch on to, and if it was the fucking older homies selling drugs on the block, like, you know, I didn't even have that figure, so I was like, oh shit, I feel safe here, you know what I'm saying, and then that's why, you know, I'm not spending energy. Yeah, bro, we'll get that to the teachers. They, they, they, the OGs will literally give you that, they'll literally be like, yo, here, you don't wanna hear some break, we'll get some chips, go do that, so then you're like, damn, bro, I ain't gotta follow, just do here, something happened, they're like, yo, what the fuck, like, that's, hey, we're home, I got you, you know what I'm saying, so. A mask with him, you know, like, you can't. You seek that shit, you'll have them seeking it. You can't, you can't really give him that, like in little times, women, that's what we don't understand, like, you know, like, women that try to keep their kids away from their, their own father, they don't understand that, yo, he needs you and the fodder, there's two different energies, there's a, as a woman can only do what a woman can do, that cannot provide what a god, what a man can provide. And there are, there are a lot of young brothers that are messed up because of their mother's choice to, to, to, because of her hatred to the father, keeping, like you said, that's a good point, bro. Cause it's a lot of fathers that want to be fathers. But they won't let them. Yeah. And the way the system is set up against men, it's unfair. The mother's so okay, automatically, right. Yeah, it makes all the difference. But it all goes down to, like you say we're the last man, though, you know, we have three responses. No, I agree. You know, and a great example to a man is like, you know, when you believe in the Bible or not, is look at Adam and Eve, bro, right? Think about it. Nothing happened, bro, right? So Eve is an, Eve picked the fruit. Eve ate the fruit. Nothing happened, bro, but tell Adam ate the fruit. It was that. So it all comes down to that man as a man, like we have the response, we're like, we're pretty here. You know, we, we not, we're not dictators, but we are the leaders. We are the head. You know what I'm saying? We are the head. And women ain't our books to lay out back home, but you know, as a man, I feel like a lot of times we, we don't, you know, we don't, we just not willing to make those sacrifices to be responsible, you know, because it all comes down to men to be honest, man. Like this whole, everything that our community, our culture, everything that's happening, you can track it back down to men, our leadership, we are our leaders, you know? Like this shit goes how we, I feel like my definition of being a man bro is first is understanding who you are. Like for me, it's different, bro. It's different because I use the Bible for a lot of references because I don't really know what way, you know, being a man, just knowing who you really are, it goes to God first, but understanding who God is. That's the base foundation for me. Cause once I understand, you know, who's my creator and what I'm put here to do, you know, the kinds of help me to form my identity, you know what I'm saying? So when it comes to being a man, I just feel like a man is, man, it's a God figure, bro. Like we're all made to image God. But like you say that the men were created first for a reason. I feel like, you know, we're here to be protectors, providers, priests, that leaders. Yeah. This, this, this, this, this, this, just a little bit. Fuck, definitely not going to make it. No, I'm going to move it again, though. But it's so much. Yeah, it's so much, like. There's so much that comes to it. Yeah, I'll take you later. It's like, yeah, I don't even know what we're getting on. Straight up, it's like there's so much, so much things. I don't think money, you know, makes you a man. Like I feel like this, I feel like part of things, like a man can be identified. Like what you do, you know, what you do when nobody's watching, I feel like that plays a big part of who you are as a man. Cause it's easy to like, you know, show people nice shit or do nice shit for people when people are watching. I feel like you should be identified for what you do when nobody fucking watching. I think it comes with a lot of stuff that you got to carry. You know, you got to have like strength. Obviously you got to be strong. You got to be, and that comes with everything else that we were talking about. We got to take a lot of shit. We can't be weak. Like there's a lot of shit. You got to be courageous. You got to be smart. You got to be willing. Like we're like, we're fucking punching bags, really. And then we can't even speak upon that. So being a man, I feel like it could fucking be four Harry Potter books long before it's over. I just feel like it's just so much. It's hard to take whatever with what everyone says that. Okay, it's the difference, you know, being a man and then being like 20, let me say grown boy. I mean, staying is like, you could be a man. Cause being a man means that you're, I feel like you're at a level of maturity. You know, and you're accepted at a certain level of responsibility. You understand who you are. Cause also like being a real man, it's attached, you know, on your purpose though. You know, cause if you don't know what you're here, you're put here to do, you don't really know who you are. You know, so all of that ties into being a man. Cause once you find out your purpose, and you know what you're here for, now you're able to move different and lead different. The fairy tale vision of a man is where it's like, oh, a man is this and he has this, you know, this fucking equal balance. And then it's, it's bullshit. I just feel like you just got to be, like the best way, it's like you just hold the world. It's like the Hercules culture, but you just, that's just, you just being a man, you got the whole world on you. You got to hold that motherfucker up. That's, I feel like that thing where it's like, okay, you can be vulnerable. It's like, it's literally that. It's like, it's fictional. It's a movie. It's like fairy tales, that shit. I mean, that's just my opinion. Yeah, I think we're planters, we're farmers. There's a reason that we carry a seed, you know? Cause we have to cultivate. We got to work by the sweat of our God, whether it's mental anguish of like having to create and provide a physical, you know, like that's on us. Like he said, like it's our duty to be wise stewards over our time, over our talent, over our body, over everything around us. Like a household, keeping our household clean, keeping the yard maintained. And like it is our duty. No matter what they're set the pace. They're set the pace. Yeah, yeah, like, like we're, that's what, you know, again, like MJ said, you know, like I think it's important for every man to have his own moral code, you know? And for me, it's the Bible as well. That's my moral code, I'm not compass. And so, you know, I, based on that, I understand like that I'm called to be a king. I'm called to be a priest. I'm called to be a leader, you know, started spiritually and that bleeds into my mind. That bleeds into my body. It starts with stewardship, you know? And it starts with my spirit. It starts with submitting myself unto the creator, you know, and allowing him to pour into me, to give me wisdom, to give me insight and show me how to be a leader, you know? And be the, be the reflection of who he is, you know? He made us in his own image. So him being my leader, how do I lead in this space, this time and life that you've carved out for me to live and what is my duty here? How am I supposed to lead and leave a legacy of leadership? Where am I supposed to plant seeds, you know? What am I supposed to be giving, you know? Like in a sacrificial, you know? Like I know that I'm gonna die one day, you know? I know that my soul is gonna leave this body, but what am I gonna sow into the world before I go back and I seek out again, you know? Well, I think that's what it is for us as men, is to leave a piece of our self here, you know? So, and that hurts, it's painful, you know? That's our birth, you know? Women give it physical birth, but man, the birth that men have to give is different. Man, it's our soul, our spirit, our blood, our sweat, our tears, and we never stop giving birth to the day we die, you know? Like it's every day we gotta show up. We gotta be responsible. There's always a duty, you know? Like we're always at risk of life, man. If I gotta give my life today for my family, for what I believe in, my moral code, you know? Like are you that sound as a man that you're ready to do that? Do you really, you know, it's a lot of people that profess, like I believe this or that, are you willing to sacrifice your life for that, you know? Like that's the duty of a man, you know, for me. And that's tough, that's a hard pill to swallow, you know, but there's a reason that we're looked at as being expendable, and you know, that's why our legacy lives on. As we were talking about after we died, man, like thinking specifically about Dr. Miles Monroe, you know, he passed away, but the sacrifice that he made while he was here, it still lives on today. He was living this purpose, right? So it's almost like to be, for me personally, man, like if you want to tap into being a real man, you know, you have to tap into your purpose. You understand? Like you have to tap into your purpose. You won't have the impact you're supposed to have unless you're actually walking into your purpose. Like we're all put here to do a specific thing, right? So it's almost like this, like if you bought a certain product from the store and it didn't do what it's supposed to do, it was pointless, you understand? Like it didn't serve its purpose. So us being here, man, if you don't come to earth and do them to come and manifest what you're supposed to be, now our existence is wasted, like you know what I'm saying? You didn't do what your purpose to be, you know? So that's something that, you know, I feel like if you want to tap into our purpose and at the time of your purpose, you have to have a relationship with God. That's why I tie, like, you know, you being a real man to understanding God and having a relationship with God, because unless you do that, you want to tap into your purpose, you know, and do what you're supposed to do. And I feel like a man once you're walking in, because to walk in purpose, it'll demand that you're responsible. You have to be responsible. You can't walk in purpose if you're not responsible, you know? You can't walk in purpose if you, like you say you've never protected your time, your mind, or anything, you just can't. And that's why I say, man, you know, for this priest, protector, provider, all that, you know, first you do it for yourself and then it's time to bring a woman on and then you have to do it for your family, be a priest, be a provider, be a protector. And if you look at Adam, you know, before Adam ever had a relationship with Eve, he had a relationship with God, a relationship with his purpose. And he's working. And he's working. He was focused and he was working. And there's a quote that says, a man that does not know his purpose distracts himself with pleasure, you know? And there's a lot of guys out there that think they're on purpose because they have a transactional value of like money, but they're constantly distracting themselves with women, the strip clubs, drugs, party, and drinking. And I know I've been there, I've been guilty of that, you know? But like finding my purpose and finding myself in God and having a personal relationship with God, not some religious rhetoric and just doing what religion has taught, but doing what I know from my relationship, my one-on-one time, what meditated and being by myself and reading the Word and studying and seeking God for myself that has led me to my purpose, that has led me to being in a place spiritually to where I'm attracting the right people into my life, you know, and being guided. And I think that's important for every, even if you do, even for all the men out there that don't have a father, understand that the creator is your father, he will guide you and put mentors and people into your life that will blow your mind and then pour and instill in you greater than our biological fathers ever could. You know, that's how powerful the creator is, man. And it's different. I think that's the, you know, the finish up for my statement. I think that's our biggest attack is like, men are, there's so much distraction that's thrown at us of like pleasure and money and things outside of ourselves. So we never focus on who we are, you know, because that's when we really become powerful. We realize that we're spiritual beings having a physical experience and we tap into that spiritual power. That's when we really step out of that phone booth and we're Superman. There's a fun man who's a dangerous, water-fuckin' man. Absolutely, yeah. I see the point that says, you know, how could you be a king if you were slaves to your pleasures? Man, I can't really get a can to be a true king, man, being slaves to your pleasures. But to be honest, man, like, you know, to kind of summarize us all, man, it's like, bro, it all stops with men. Like, we actually, you know, made conversations like this cool bro and it really decided to be responsible. We could create a shift, you know, and be a spark in the culture, bro. It's like, you know, when it comes to men, like, we don't make it, like, you know, being celibate. It's not cool in manhood, but the guy called it, it's not cool, you know what I'm saying? But whereas being celibate, bro, a man who's celibate is a powerful man. But we don't make that a cool thing. We don't talk about it, you know? It's a reason why. I'm literally, I'm literally on like a sober trip. So we're from, fuck it, you know, alcohol and fucking women, bro. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? But that's the stuff we have to make cool, bro. What did you say? Ain't nobody gonna rap about that. You know, it's about popping bottles, getting girls, that's what society and culture is always pushing at us, man. And that's where we have to, the importance of knowing yourself so that we can detach from what society is pushing out and be able to think for yourself, create, you know, your own boundaries for yourself. We all have our own struggles and we go through different things, different experiences, different walks of life. So what my struggles might be may not be your struggles, you know? It could be something totally different. You may not have a problem with women or drinking or whatever the case may be, but we all know ourselves or we need to know ourselves so we do know what our boundaries are, what we need to work on, man. But you're not, you're right, man. I think understanding that we're all kings and we don't have to fight against one another. Kings can rule together, you know? Bro, I'm making it cool, though. I'm saying like, how do you make it cool, bro? Like, I'm saying, even when we look at, you know, our culture, bro, like, it'll never be cultural. I'm saying what we have to begin to have this conversation has to be balanced. And the reason why, bro, like, you know, drugs, hell of women, all that stuff is super popular, right? You know, the rappers talk to me all the time, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's on TV and stuff. But even like us, bro, you know, we have more of these conversations and while we're honoring that, yo, you're all a god. I'm 28, I'm 70, but I'm not having sex. Why don't you make that a cool thing? You know what I'm saying? Right. A guy who's 28 was a virgin, and he's a sheen. You don't want to want to know that, you know? Whereas a lady who's 28, she's a virgin, that's cherished, like, yo, she's precious. You're precious too, man, you're a king. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's so many boys that's, you're like 25 and you're a virgin. And you're working out, I'm like, bro, I'm so jealous of you, bro. Like, bro, please, bro, don't lose that. Yeah. You understand? And you know, right, bro, and for Henry's like, it's kind of like, he's kind of ashamed of it. And I'm like, oh, that's a superpower. Right. You understand? That's a superpower, bro. Right. So I just feel like we need to have one of these conversations. We do, this is the start right here, like just having these talks. And then like, the life that we live, like be the example, be the byproduct, like the life that we live be the product of our habits, of our discipline, of our structure, of our order, of us being and living what we talk about. You know, like, that's how we make it cool or whatever, you know, like granted. Well, again, we're visual creatures. That's why it's easy to see the OGs on the block because we're looking, we're always looking for success or like pieces around us. That's just our nature, you know? And we latch on to, like, once we were like, we're like a robot, like, we'll do latch on. Like, okay, oh, this is where we're scanning the room. Like, okay, this is life. Then it's like, okay, we hone in on that thing. Like, I see him providing for himself and getting money, regardless of the way the repercussions are, you know? Like, that's something that we latch on to as men. So having these conversations being open, being public about our views and, like, the choices and decisions that we're making, this is where it starts at. And again, it ain't gonna never be looked at as cool, but ain't about it being cool. It's about it bringing some heat to the table and challenging people, you know? Iron sharpens iron, it creates friction, it creates heat. Like, man, I wanna challenge you to do something different, you know? So. Something you're comfortable, though. Right? You just have very valid points, right? You know, there's no true definition of what it means to be a man. Being a man is being a provider. Being a man is someone that understands purpose, that walks in purpose, finding God. And I think, you know, for me, if we tie it all back to one thing, you know, although it's so multifaceted, right? There's so many different components that come together to truly being a man, I think it can tie back to one main thing. And for me, being a man means accountability, right? You know, it's like, no matter what the situation is, I don't care if I'm struggling, I don't care if I'm hurt, I don't care what it is. If my responsibility is to provide for my family to be a provider, it's holding myself accountable to making no excuse, right? You know, being a true man, we talk about, you know, does not having a father figure play a role for it? Well, being a true man comes back to that accountability again. Do I hold myself accountable where I'm gonna use that excuse for the rest of my life and say, well, my father wasn't there? Or am I gonna hold myself accountable to figure out what it truly means to be a man, right? You know, finding God, you know, it's not cool, or some people might not look at it to say, okay, it's not cool to find God or to speak about things like celibacy, right? But am I gonna, again, use it as an excuse or am I gonna hold myself accountable? So I think, oh, no matter what it is that we talk about, like all of the different things that come together being a man, it's holding yourself accountable to make that right decision and do it on your own, right? And what have you done or not? It's that thing that we do by ourselves, you know? Like you said earlier, like what we do when we're by ourselves, like being accountable to ourselves, it's that spirit that judges us. It's that inner thing that's like, man, this ain't right. Or man, you know what? Like I'm gonna do the right thing. I ain't gonna, you know, I see this money right here and I know it ain't mine, I ain't gonna touch it, you know? Like it's that inner battle, you know, between what the flesh wants, which is lust and love, which is perfection, you know? What's up in the high is hope. Right, right. So that's where it starts. Like it's understanding your spirit, I understand that you are a spirit and you're also a flesh, you're also a body, you know, which you gotta choose. You gotta be able to steward over those cravings, you know? And that, so just the whole accountability thing goes back to ourselves and it's that inner compass, you know, that breath of life, that piece of God that is in us that has us going day in and day out till we leave this earth, you know? So like being true to that, to the breath, you know? To the life force that sent us, being accountable to that, being better. Cause we know what we're doing wrong, you know? Like everybody know that feeling like, man, I knew I was kinda crooked doing that, but we'll choose to bypass it. We start distracting ourselves, you know? We'll distract our moral code, you know? We'll do something enough to where we become immune to it, you know? And then we generally have a crash or a fall, that's another topic, but yeah, body, find in their relationship with God, the creator, in their own way, seeking that. Is that our responsibility as men to hold ourselves accountable to even educate ourselves on why it's important? You know, you look at warriors, right? You look at fighters before a boxer goes into training, right? Before that boxer goes into training, he's not allowed to have sex. No. You know, but why? All right? Do we hold it? It's just the equivalent of fucking at least a male running 20 miles. All right, so like the power. I mean, so it's not even just a religion standpoint for people that don't believe in religion from a science standpoint. Just what I'm saying, and it goes like when I talk about how we look at, we just look at sex as something through casualty, when maidens, the science, you're only supposed to, you know what I'm saying? Release, bro, when you're about to, you know, mate, use that, they're just spritz. We're the only mammals that have sex out of lust for pleasure without, again, we've got desensitized from our spirit. Dolphins do it too. That, all right, yeah, all right, maybe so. Listen, little freaky, little creatures there. You know what you're talking about, huh? Dolphins, like somebody ask you, Dolphins do it too. All right, all right. Well, I guess dolphins, you know, they struggle into out there. See, man, they struggle into hot girl summer, man. They be seen to bikinis in the water, man. Hey, next time you see them out there, hot girls, you know, what? Hot girls at the beach, man. Hey, hot girls, just dive in. You think that the female dolphins, I have just dive in for no reason and they dive in for attention. All right, attention, for serious. Thank you. But here, I put splashes in order to do it. All right, splashes, man, you got attention, man. No, no. So Caleb, I mean, I heard you say before, if I'm not mistaken, we had this conversation and you were talking about how there was somewhat a culture where they believed where like, when you, I don't know how you worded it, but I know you had mentioned it before, I wanted you to speak on it. You know, why celibacy, like what he said, the science behind it, you know, we're supposed to produce as men, right? And you said when you give your last, right, you can't just be out here just busting, that's left and right. When you give your life, that's like the end of your life. Do you remember when you made that statement? Yeah, yeah, it's like, man, again, like I said earlier, we're put here to be farmers, right? Like, I'm not gonna just keep put in seed everywhere and not tend to it, you know? Like, that's my life force. That's how I'm gonna eat and I'm gonna provide and create new crops, new legacy, new generation. But again, the Farkano nature has gotten addicted to the pleasure of it, you know? That now we're where the condoms or women get IUDs, all these unnatural things. And because we have science, you know? But if we did have this technology and have this science, like where would we be, you know? And so like it's become just this pleasure culture because we have all these technology now, you know? Like we created things to be able to indulge more into being able to just have sex, you know, for the pleasure of it, but not for the purpose of it. And that's why for men, like we have such clarity, like after, you know, we have our moment, where it's just like, man, like, why am I doing this? We want her to leave. We feel like disgusted, you know? Because we literally like gave a piece of ourself. That is our printed DNA of carbon copy of who I am at this moment is coming out right now to go and create another version of me. And if I'm not being responsible with that, I'm depleting my energy, my time, my nutrients in my body every time that, like literally men get weak and we become depressed after just constantly masturbating and pornography. Like it's a reason why, you know, that she loads your vibration for sure. Yeah. And it's a reason why it's supposed to be done in marriage and like that's a moment that you share with your wife. That's a vulnerable moment that she gets. She's literally getting my seed and now she's getting me vulnerable and emotionally like to lay in her bosom and to be weak, you know? Because now we've combined and like flesh to my flesh, bone to my bone, you know? Like you're legit that and producing that, you know? And so just that whole process right there, like just shows our role as men, even penetrating things. Think about how we have to penetrate the ground, penetrate the earth to plant a seed. Like that right there explains our role and just our nature and how God created and designed our body. You know, we're here to penetrate the world and to leave something, but leave something out. But we have to be responsible for and watch it grow. You know, we gotta provide and we gotta protect, you know, that thing. We gotta protect that woman, you know? Like why she's pregnant, you know? We gotta be there for her, you know? So I made the mistake. I lost my virginity at 15. I knew better than the decision that I made but I didn't have the understanding. I had the knowledge, I didn't have the understanding but bumping my heads many a times and thinking that like, okay, oh, this is cool. You know, but after a while of like being depressed and like kind of questioning myself and why I'm doing these things, I realized like, okay, man, this is actually toxic, man. It's sleeping around. And I honestly, I started my celibacy journey the first time just trying to, after reading a book, think and go rich, you know? And like that was my first just like biological understanding of it and just like how. That makes us more disciplined and focused. I just tried it out. But then as I began to get closer to God, then that's when I tied the spiritual peace to it, you know? And I'm not gonna sit here in front. Like it's hard, you know? It's something that has been imperfect for me. I ain't been perfect like my celibacy journey or abstinence, whatever it is you wanna call it, you know? But it's one of those things that like, I understand like, man, I don't just wanna give myself really, nearly no more like just common, just sex for the sake of sex, man. It's so disgusting to me. I was like junk food. I'm like, nah, man, I really wanna save myself from my wife, you know? Like I want her to have a whole mean and not a piece of me, you know? So like that's what my relationship with God and I wanted to give myself fully to my future wife is what encourages me. And also just the clarity and the discipline that I now have tied through experience and trial and error of having consistent sex and being celibate. Now like I see how much better my life is, you know? Like being a more focused man, you know? Focused on one crap at a time. How old were you when you lost your virginity? 19. 19, okay. How old were you? I was an eight grade, the old ten year old, the old five. Yeah, he's a young, so how much? I fucking, she was with an older lady. She was 36. That was my next question. Eight grade, no way, bro. She was 36 years old. So was yours an older girl? Yeah, yeah, it was my freshman year in college, bro. I literally felt like I was going to die afterwards. Cause I was like, cause I knew we had a real pure relationship with God, bro. Even the Bahamas, I went to St. Thomas, bro. So from the out of the street to college, bro, it was nothing like I've never seen. I'm in Miami and it was an old lady who worked at the school, bro. I was like, I was 19, she had to be like 45, right? Yeah, man. And I, you know, I, every time. What about yourself, was the girl older than you or was she a... No, man, we were the same age, but she was a virgin and I was, you know, and so she kind of prayed on that. Like, I didn't realize until later that that was her prerogative was to take my virginity, you know? So, yeah. She stole your soul, what a kid. Let's speak on that, you know, kind of tying the topic into this. You know, we spoke about celibacy, but you know, a lot of us don't understand, as men, we don't understand the journey of celibacy because we're introduced to sex so early, right? And in a sense, we, it sounds like a joke, right? Cause it's not manly to talk about it, but a lot of men, their virginity is taken from a woman that's much older than them. I think we fall into the trap of seduction. You fall into the trap of seduction and then you're expected to not be sexualized like situations and not be attracted to women by this. But it's like, you fall into it so early that you have no understanding of what it means. Like, so talk about losing it to an older, like talk about 45 and then it goes to sex. Man, she said it the way, bro. She said, I am alive, bro. I didn't even know what I was doing, bro. I was laying there, bro. I don't even know if I even, man, I didn't even know, but it's enough. I don't even know what happened, bro. It was, bro, it was crazy, bro. But I know afterwards though, I went, I went back to my room, my dorm room. Man, I called my mentor and I'm like, yo, bro, I'm gonna die tonight. I forgot I'm gonna kill me. Cause like, cause I really wanted to keep my virginity cells in there, bro. I really wanted to. So yeah, so it was like, bro, I was shaking that night, man. I remember it like yesterday, bro, I was really, really nervous, man. But she, you know, she took it away, bro. She like, she also played a part, bro. I know, you know, when you're young, I see the cafeteria, she works in the cafeteria. I'm like, I'm starting to wear her. She's like, okay, boy. She keep talking. She's like, oh, yeah, she's like, oh, yeah. Bro, she's like, oh, yeah, she's like, she's like, okay, she's like, okay. I'm gonna pick you up next weekend. Be ready. And me trying to act like I had sex before, but I didn't even know what to do. I never used to call him before, I didn't know what to do, bro. She came with a call. She came with everything. She was like, yo, she's like, okay, she said, let me show you the ropes, young boy. I'm like, oh, oh, shoot. But now, even though the girl was the same age as me, the same thing happened, like it wasn't. More experience. She got on top of me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know? So I think it's for those type of women, I think some, they got touched or hurt or somewhere in their past like early on, you know? Like possibly, you know, I think for my case, that's what ended up happening to that girl. Like she ended up losing her virginity like early. She ended up being raped or something. Right, yeah. And so she was subconsciously, she took that same energy, that same seducing spirit and like, use it on me. You know, I wasn't even trying to go that far. My little kids make out, do a little something, but I didn't even want to go that far. She got on top of me. And as a man, like again, being seduced, like I was trained in my head to be a gentleman, to be soft and doussile with women. So like, I didn't want to be like, nah, like I don't want to do that. You know, it's like, how do you handle like seduction and when and where do you say no to women? Women are taught to like say no, but when are we taught to say no? Right, we hunters, you know what I'm saying? So it's like, you know you're a hunter, you go and hunt. If it's coming to you bro, like, what do you do? What about you, Alex? You know, how do you feel? With the situation, it's just the older women. Shit, that should happen to me. Like, it was just the same thing like him. I was just talking like hot shit. Like, I knew what I was doing. I used to go to my cousin's house like every weekend, bro. He was older. He was like, you know, he was in his 30s and shit. I used to go over there cause you know, my mom, like, she was going through some shit when I was everywhere. So like, I was like, I'm out with my cousin. Like, he let me like drink beers and shit. So I'll slide him in there and shit. It was his chick, her name was Jamire. Shout out to Jamire. No. I won't say her name. I won't say her name. No, it was just one chick. So like, she would just come through with her homegirls and shit. My cousin had a little bit of money. He had like a big ass projector. So I was like, play the Halo and shit. And I'd be there just the whole weekend. And he'd just order me pizza. And he'd be like, yo, there's beer. We're like, whatever, smaring off ice. You know, so, you know, I'll probably drink like one, maybe two and just play video games all weekend. You know, it'll have his chicks over and shit. So it started like that. And then my cousin was like, yeah, what's up? Like, you ever got your willy wet? And I'm like, yeah, yeah. You know, talking hot shit. Like, hell yeah, man, hell yeah. I'm like, he's like, nah, you ain't got your willy wet. Whatever, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, I'm having. He was just literally dead ass. He's like, nah, fuck that. Like, you about to lose that bitch today. And he told one girl, and she's like, nah, I'm like, whatever, dirty it up. Man, it's kind of fucked up. And my cousin's like, you know, if you fuck with me, like, you'll do it. And she literally was just like, all right, come on. Straight up, just walk me to the back. Oh, shit, it breaks, you know what I'm saying? Like, I couldn't even hold a control with X-Box and X-Box, just the way. I had the mic on, I'm listening. I'm like, God, what are you talking about? I'm just listening. I'm playing. I'm like, fuck, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, oh, shit. And I started literally, when I was sweating, bro, I was so scared. I went to the back where, shit, and just like that. Like he said, she's just like, you know, like, are you okay, Larry? Like, can I touch you? You ever did this, whatever? And I'm like, nah, I haven't. And like, she was like, do you want to do this? And at this point, I'm like, there's no way out. I'm like, yeah, she's like, okay, like, do you know what you're doing now? So she's like, all right, lay down. She's like, is it okay if I touch you? And I'm like, yeah. I just laid down. At least she was polite. She was a man for life, bro. She want my boy through the whole situation. I was like, baby, why I had two belly buttons. She was literally licking her one little thing. And then that was it. She was like, yo, can I do this? She literally told me like, yo, can I like do this? I'm like, yep. I was literally, yeah, bro. She put it on me. I was in the shit and breaks, though. I'm not even a cat. I wasn't even there to like, enjoy it. But then when I got to, you know, when my cousin was there, I'm like, it's all over the place. I didn't get buzzed all the way to my senior year. After that, I didn't like, I didn't want nothing to do with the shit. Right. Like, I want to, I like, you know, women and shit. I was always fighting with them. But I was just like, bro, I ain't doing that shit. It was a really, it was a dramatic experience. It was a really personal experience. It really was, I didn't get all the way up to my senior year at all. And I was, bro, I could have like, you know, I could have had plenty of women, bro. You know, it was super popular in high school and shit like that. It just wasn't me, though, until like that. It was like a similar experience where a girl, same, not, not of my age, and she came and put that thing up on me. Like it was, then it was that again. And then she started like teaching me shit. And then from there, then I started like, you know, I started doing my own thing. I started downloading it. I graduated, then that was when I'm like, I really started like, getting it in, I guess you could say, but yeah, I went all those years, brought it in, not touching, I won't feed them. Like I said, I'll flirt, kiss, you know, whatever, talk a lot of shit, but I never did nothing, though. And it was like, it was periods of time that it would literally be like that. And everybody would be like, man, you lying, like you don't mind, bro, I swear to God, I'm not fucking like that. Like, I think I am. Like, so for me, it was, you know, like I had the experience, I legit came home, I had the same experience, but I sat in the shower and I just cried, man. I just got in the bed, man. It was just some weird, I got out of the shower, didn't even dry off at this late in the bed. I was so confused. I was that depressed, man. It was that mind-boggling, but it shook me so much after that, that I'm like, well, dang, I done did it. Now I just want to try it again. You know, I done lost it. It was like, I confronted it, like I done actually lost it, like we just figured it out. And I got addicted to me. I went through a dog phase in high school. I went through a bad dog phase, man. It wasn't until I got to college that I was just like, man, I don't want to be like this no more, man, because I was depressed. Like legit, my senior year in high school, I wanted to commit suicide. And I didn't realize it happened because of the sex. Yeah, because I was depleting myself, man. I was giving myself all the time. I was legit, man. In high school, man, I was getting buns every day. Like just crazy because I just got addicted and didn't realize like, like I legit remember losing my purity. Like I felt that purity in me. That's how I felt, bro, you know? And for you, for me too, it was the same thing, but like once I confronted it, bro, I just got wild and out, bro. Do you two feel, I mean, from a strong faith base, right? Because, you know, you're being the PC, you know, the preacher's kid, right? Do you feel like that played a part in it? Like it's like you're so sheltered sometimes from like how the world is, right? Everything's from a religious standpoint. And you have to be this because of this. Do you feel like that played a role? But not only in you having that dog phase, but did it also play a role with you feeling so guilty that it happened? Yeah, cause it's like, I knew better even though I understand, it's just like somebody telling you, yo, that stove hot, and you touch it one time and that's all it take, you know? It's like, I wouldn't touch the stove but this stove actually kind of feels kind of good, you know? And so I got a, it was like a drug. A cookie cookie. You see, I'm not touching the stove, but if you throw some bread in there real quick, I might pay and touch it to the load. It's like the first, it's like that's hot. The next house, it's like, okay. Yo, man, it's all in there. Yo, we cooking with grease, no. That's what you need. As an older man, if I could go back, I would not do it, bro. It's not worth it, man, I don't. Don't you wish you could go back and like, see your whole, I'll just walk up to me and go, whoop, man, walk way up. Man, I would drag myself, but no. I'd like myself to walk away, dog. Dog, man, yeah. I would definitely would have done it too, bro. Because it's like, if you try to be careful of, so long as you lose it, bro, it's like, you feel like you lose a party, you know? And that's, you just say, hey, man, I'm just not wild. I already lost it. I'm just not wild enough. Yeah, I don't know. That's what happened to me too, bro. It's like, it's like, you lost that in self-love. Like you said, you could feel that it should leave you. That's when I, like, you know, especially like this past year and she was like, I literally really like took a step back. Like, I'm like, whoa, hold up, like that whole energy shit. Like I said, you could feel fucking deleted to the point like, man, I gotta charge up. I say that joke when you tell my friend to laugh, but I'm not gonna hold up to a Tesla charger. But it's like, I really feel that way. Like, I'm like, damn, dude, I feel like, like that. I feel like just depleted or like the other day I felt for the first time that like, like even even like your third eye and like all that shit, like your sense. For the first time, I felt that it left me because like real shit, like I was this last week. Like, this is crazy shit. You know, I have fucking party and I fucking, you know, but I literally for the first time felt like, oh my God, like I can't feel what I once felt. I used to feel like this presence. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like this really strong presence, almost like something was guiding me or like, I would like want to sound corny or like angels or something, just envy too, like something. I feel like I, like it left for the first time and like, holy shit, like I'm really depleted. So I went, I laid in the sun back in the back of my door. I need to charge back up. I didn't put my water in my body. That's how I noticed to be real. Now, you know, I talk a lot of shit jokingly, but I know that the whole sex thing, bro, that shit is not the move, bro. It really, it really isn't. It's, it's draining. No, it wouldn't be draining, man. It's a, it's a spiritual act, bro. You know what I'm saying? It's a spiritual act. We, we've made it, like I say, so casual. And we understand that each time you like, you have sex, bro, you're having a spiritual exchange, bro. You understand? And you literally lose a part of yourself and fuck. For women, like for men, you know, we're givers, women and more receivers, right? You know, each time where we have sex, but you're confronting the DNA in that woman. You know what I'm saying? So she'd go and have sex with five other guys, so that's just five other, you know what I'm saying? Other DNA. And then, you know, those guys had sex with, you know, 10 other women, because he had, so like, you know, it's crazy, bro, all that energy. Remember energy can't be destroyed. They only need transfers, bro. So it's just being, you know, it's just being transferred, bro. And that's why a lot of times you, you see certain people let it help certain personalities, right? Because, you know, there's just how some sexual partners, so all these personalities, all these DNA, you know what I'm saying? It's all tied into your personality. And now you're having mood swings, you're acting certain way you understand it, because all this energy, you know, you're picking it up. People kind of just casualize sex, right? Because you even have women now who they might be like, oh yeah, I slept with this person, but it didn't mean anything. It was just sex, right? It was just sex. Yo, it's a lie, bro. That's why I was going to say it's a lie. Or you're like, yo, like, we're doing this, but it's just sex, right? It's just sex. It didn't mean anything. And it goes back to that self-loathing. It's because we try to ignore that part of us. It's a deep issue, but we don't want to face it, right? But what happens is, if you don't face it, bro, all you're doing is building up enough trauma, and eventually it's come crashing down, bro. You see if you can't escape it, that it crashes. Yeah, that will really, crashing down. My whole life, man, my life is so different now. Like, again, just understanding this, like, again, like being at that phase versus like just going through a whole phase. Like, I was so scattered and just all over the place and so depressed. And my life just fell in shambles. I was getting into it with my parents, and just like, I didn't understand that I was the cause of that. Versus now, like, when I look at my life and life, man, I have so much more clarity, so much more focus. Like, I have a, like, not cocky, but I got confidence about myself because I'm sure of myself. I'm sure of where I'm going and what I'm doing and my purpose, you know? And I'm not gonna lie and say it's easy, bro, because it takes some heavy boundaries to be like, say no to women because it makes you more attractive. When a man tells a woman that I'm not trying to have sex with you, bro, it's like some type of, like, life, well, that goes off. I've experienced that shit, like, the ones that I like, I'm like, well, please, like, no, I'm not. And then it's just like, hey, bro, they're fucking like, just stir the pot and now they're like, all right, all right. They want that shit even more. No, yeah, it was like, they just smelled it, bro. It was like, it's like, they smelt it, no, no, because we're saying you don't understand that word. Smell it, no, you wouldn't. I had the day where we were at, I don't know where you are. So, like, there's like, the dogs on heat. Like, you know what I'm saying? They can smell that. So, like, the air blows. Right, right, right. So, they know him, okay. He's standing in himself. He's selling it. They could help. Yeah, it's, you know, we give off that something we, something to help. You know what I'm saying? We connect with, you know? Yeah. That's true. Yeah. It's true. But it's, again, like, now I've had to learn like through trial and error, like setting boundaries. Like, that's why I can't have chicks over on my crib. I can't come over your crib. We can't have flicks and chill. Cause then, I know I'm weak. I know my weakness. Yeah, cause Netflix and chill, bro, that shit ain't nobody chilling on a week. You still watching that? No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. That shit ain't still watching. I don't think I ever had the, I don't think I ever had the success with Netflix and chill, bro. I ain't never, bro. Yeah. I only have ever successfully made that. Yeah, we chill. I don't know about that. We chill. I don't think I've ever, bro. Like, it is. Watching, trying to watch that same movie. Right, yeah. But you never finish that shit. Think about it. We can watch it for real this time. We can watch it for real this time. Finish going in. The hard part is, is like, especially like for me, losing my virginity at such a young age, is like battling that old me, whenever I say no, you know? Because I know what I'm capable of, right? Like, knowing that I can still be that villain is sometimes thinking back on what appeared to be glorious moments. Like, boy, back in the day, it's like, man, you weak now. You know, like, just that battle between the spirit and flesh. Like, man, you really gonna tell this chick, no, to Netflix and chill? You know, like, you come on, man. You gonna be, so you don't have to be another man down. I mean, it could be just the adversary, like, trying to get at me in my mind, man. It's beautiful. Just like knowing your own, like to see your growth and know it. It holds so much value. Like, I experienced that and I fucking came back from Vegas and fucking, you know, everything that I built went back in and it made me so depressed, dog, to know, like, yeah, I built this whole fucking new person who I was and I just... Yeah. Hey, keep it in your pants, man. Just, just, it's powerful, but it's like, you can't knock it till you try it, man. It may not be cool, but it's the greatest success that I can give anybody is learn to control yourself and tap into that spiritual power. Yeah, absolutely, man. Like, seeing your attention is real. And it's not, I know it's popular line out, but really, man, it's, each time you release, you know, as a guy, you're giving a piece of your soul, you know, and you don't want to do that, you know. I understand that you're, that's your God power, it's your energy, and you want to be very, very intentional and selective with that. Oh, simple. Just save your energy. Kind of like simple.