 Hello everyone Welcome to another NARC survivor live video in this one. I'm going to be talking about What narcissists always do at the end of a relationship Because there's definitely something that they do always do and it's like it doesn't matter who they're dealing with It's always the same thing It never seems to change Every time they always do this At the end of a relationship, but before I get into it Please give this video a thumbs up down below It will help the YouTube algorithm to get this message out there to other survivors as well Also, I'd like to hear from you. Let me know if you can hear me. Okay, and the live chat Let me know if the volume is good Also in the live chat as well So this one thing Narcissists always do At the end of a relationship It's like throughout the relationship. They're always planning for this moment Once they move into the devaluation They're insulting you. They're putting you down They're talking about you behind your back to other people to paint you in a bad light To make you look a certain way They're spreading gossip rumors It's like they're already preparing for the smear campaign or then when it finally gets to the end of the relationship This one thing that they always do every time They always blame the victim and it doesn't matter Who you are Or how much you did in an effort to please them It's like none of that ever really makes a difference Because then again, they will always try to blame you They will always hold you responsible for whatever went wrong Doesn't matter how much you try to make things right They will always find a way to blame you but even that is not enough for them They will try to get everyone else to see you in the same way Because they're never satisfied. It's never enough and what you don't realize is that blaming you and Making you look a certain way thinking of you negatively All of these things provides the narcissist with a sense of self a false identity Because they have a black-white mentality Where people are either all good or all bad and Everyone who agrees with them about you is all good There's nothing wrong with them as long as they believe in the lies and the illusion But then you're all bad. You're completely flawed You can't do anything right So that's why they have to blame you at the end So that they can feel powerful and important And it provides them with this false identity This false sense of self which is all they're really looking for In the beginning they may have acted like they were trying to help you They were so concerned about you, but then they moved to the devaluation And that's typically because you already initiated it Even though you may not have even realized it Yes You initiated the devaluation and you may not have openly rejected them But they're always scanning their environment for threats They're scanning your body language Your facial expressions They're reading into your tone of voice For any subtle changes That tells them whether or not you still approve of them. If you look back you'll probably remember When they said or did something and you didn't really approve of it You may not have openly said that to them But they noticed these subtle changes in your demeanour So they knew that you did not approve of it Now that's when they realized They have to go full force Into the devaluation Talking about you behind your back Making you look bad to everyone Already preparing for the smear campaign Because by that point they were looking at it like It's either you or them Once you began to disapprove of their false image Maybe you were beginning to see through them They already knew they have to start preparing for the smear campaign when it's finally all over Because this is what they do. It's all about Managing this false image that they portray to the world It's very important to them because that's how they get their narcissistic supply They can't get their supply without doing that So it's very important for them to manage this false image That they display to the world and they're always scanning the environment for threats to this image and it's like when you're the closest person to them and you're Disapproving of something that they've said or done They already know That they have to be very careful from that point on They may further try to manipulate and gaslight you But once they realize that they can't even do that They've got to start talking about you behind your back to other people Criticizing you putting you down Targeting your self-esteem doing anything they possibly can To protect their false image Because they're always looking for narcissistic supply in every situation And at one point they were getting supply from you When you validated the illusions of their false character But as soon as you stop doing that straight away, they notice it They can sense your energy And that they are no longer getting their supply from you So that's when they know they've got to switch it up They've got to do something else To get that supply that they need so bad And if they can't continue to get it from you by manipulating and love bombing you Then they know they've got to go around and make up these lies and stories about you and Feed it to other people as another means for them to get supply And while they're doing that they can also go directly into devaluing you and putting you down Because that is another way to validate their false character It makes them feel powerful and significant When they're keeping you down So this is why at the end of the relationship And it's like no matter what you do It's really inevitable at some point. It's always going to happen Because no matter who you are There's only so much you can tolerate There's only so much you can put up with Until you start to see them differently Until you can no longer see them in the same way ever again And you keep questioning and confronting them You're holding them accountable for their actions You're enforcing boundaries You're starting to see through their gaslighting and then it's like at some point They know that yes There's no going back. I have to turn against this person I have to start blaming them for everything Especially when it finally comes to the end of the relationship That's when they really know that they have to start doing that Because otherwise They look at it like what if the shoe is on the other foot What if you try to do that to them Because yes, they are aware of all of the things that they have done to you They know what they've done wrong They just don't want to be held accountable for it They just want to get away with it without any consequences But it's just this black-white mentality Where they look at it like a person is either all good or all bad, perfect or flawed And it either has to be you or them And of course it's not going to be them They're not going to hold themselves accountable That's why they created the false character to begin with It's because they believe that who they really are is not good enough So they have to turn everything against you They have to try to make you look bad And they don't care about playing fairly or honestly They will cheat lie And deceive people in order To achieve their desired result They will play dirty And they won't even feel bad about it They have no conscience So it makes no difference to them As long as they get the result that they're looking for The result that they want So this is what they all do in the end And you can expect it Every time It happens to All victims And that is how you all end up finding these communities on youtube Because you're just constantly being blamed for everything There's just no understanding They don't want to take any accountability for their actions And they're just blaming you And they're not just blaming you But it's like They exaggerate it to the point Where they turn molehills into mountains And it's like what you've done Is completely unforgivable It's so bad that it justifies everything they ever did to you So you can't even hold them accountable for that Because this is what they do. It's how they justify it in their minds But even then it's not really anything that you've done What they're doing is they're bringing all of their past Failures and mistakes Into the present moment And it's kind of amplifying Any little mistake that you have made And then that is what they're hurling at you in that moment That's how you see when they get so angry You see the narcissistic rage And it's like they're hell bent on taking you down Because this all goes back to their childhood When you injure them You cause a narcissistic injury You injure their ego and pride When you do that It takes them back to that moment in their childhood Where they felt like they're not good enough And they rejected their true self and created the false self And this false self is meant to compensate for the flaws of their true self This false self is meant to be perfect Because that's how they protect themselves and reality So when someone comes and they confront the false self And the narcissist gets triggered Then it takes them back to that moment in their childhood Where they had to reject their true self and create the false self Which was meant to compensate for The deficiencies of the true self And then it's like In that split window where they self reflect The narcissist is thinking That they gave up They abandoned their true self Just to create this false self And then it's like Even after all of that Even this self is not good enough as well Because now you're confronting it You're questioning it You're saying it's not perfect Remember this is an undeveloped child's mind So it has this black and white mentality You're either perfect or you're flawed There is no in between The true self was flawed The false self Is supposed to be perfect But if it's confronted If it's held accountable for anything If it's ever wrong It's no longer perfect. It's flawed So you see that's why they get so mad Because it's a child's mind It's undeveloped They're either perfect or flawed There's no in between And it's the same for you or anyone else You're either perfect or you're flawed In the beginning they idealized you In that moment you were perfect You were everything they needed Everything they had been waiting for But then you initiated the devaluation You were knowingly invalidated or rejected them It may not have seemed like such a big deal to you But it was to them They noticed that And then in that moment their false self And their minds went from being perfect to being flawed Which is something they can't tolerate. They can't accept that They have to protect their false self at all costs So then they went and they projected this onto you So now suddenly you go from being Perfect to being flawed But remember this is the narcissist underdeveloped mind This has nothing to do with reality of course In reality No one is Perfect And no one is completely flawed Of course we are all in between We all have good and bad things about ourselves But narcissists have a black and white mentality This is something that Children experience before they get to a certain age Because it's easier for them to learn It's easier for them to understand the world Their minds are not as complex as ours are So they look at everything as though it's good Or it's bad It's right Or it's wrong This is how a narcissist thinks It's not like it's right So there's no room for improvement There's nothing else that could be wrong about it Or if something's wrong To them it's just completely wrong There's nothing right about it at all There's no compromise And often there's no second chances They just hold a grudge against you for life This is not only How a young child might think But it's also how a narcissist thinks as well Because narcissists are emotionally stunted They have an arrested emotional development So of course at the end of the relationship they're going to blame you And they're not going to take accountability for anything And it's so shocking when they do that It's like you just can't even believe it But many of you may also just blame yourself You may self-load as empaths And you may forget about all of the things they did to you Let me know honestly if you could write a list of everything they did to you And the few things that you got wrong But somehow they managed to twist it As though you're this horrible person And they've got to warn everyone about you And they paint themselves As this good Samaritan This person was just trying to help you But you were crazy, you did all of these things to them It's a child In an adult body At least emotionally They're emotionally stunted This is why they act the way that they do Because when you're emotionally developed You tend to look at things a lot differently You don't just see everything in black and white Where someone was perfect or flawed or good or bad Completely right or completely wrong You understand that there is and in between There are gray areas There is always room for improvement Forgiveness and other chance Just look back at how many chances you gave the narcissist How many times you gave them the benefit of the doubt And yet every time They made you regret that decision Anytime that you give a narcissist Another chance They will make you regret it But as for us we do everything we possibly can Everything in our power To make this Unpleasable person happy And really there's just nothing that you can do No matter what you do it's not going to change anything The row is going to end up blaming you in the end And nothing you do is going to change that No matter how much you try to get them to see things your way To understand your perspective They're not going to want to hear anything That could be unfavorable for them And remember what's unfavorable for them Might not always be unfavorable for us if it was Happening to us Because while we may take accountability and learn and grow from it How is that going to be favorable for them? It's not going to change anything If a false character takes accountability They don't do that instead they just create Another character for someone else After they've learned what didn't work so well with you That's all they tend to do So they're not looking to take accountability with you Or to learn or grow from maybe anything that they did wrong Because they look at it like then they have to Deal with the consequences Then they have to put in the work, they have to make an effort with you And a lot of times after everything they've done wrong And everything that you did for them As you were endlessly running on this hamster wheel in an effort to please them And then they're meant to reciprocate Something of equal value back to you Even if they just entertained the thought of that for a moment It would just overwhelm them They already know there's no possible way that they can repay you They got themselves in far too deep with you To ever even consider that option They already know there's just no possible way They could never Be at your level In what you've provided to them They may never tell you that of course They'll just blame you and try to start a smear campaign against you Or just completely ghost you all together But of course they understand your value That's why they spent so much time around you That's where they were leeching off you But at some point they know they've just got to cut their losses And take it somewhere else Because after everything you've done for them And all of that time where they fail to reciprocate Deep down, yes, of course, they know They're in way over their heads at that point They know there's no possible way Even in a million years for a lot of them That they could ever repay you For everything that you've done for them So in a way deep down They do kind of Acknowledge And even respect Your greatness Your value That's kind of what they're doing A lot of you may not see it that way But when it gets to that point at the end of the relationship When they start blaming you for everything Maybe they quietly walk away Onto their new supply Or they start a smear campaign against you What that should really translate to you Because what that actually is That's them Quietly In their minds Calculating your worth The amount of value that you have given to them And then they're reaching this conclusion in their heads Of how there's really no way That they could ever do that for you Which means that At some level, yes, they do Kind of respect it To the point where they're not even going to try They're not even going to attempt to climb that mountain Because they know they're just not fit enough They're not skilled They're not capable They're not good enough And often that's what's driving them To attack you to blame you for everything To try to turn everyone against you and create this false narrative This fake world, this alternate reality It's because when it all came down to it They realized and accepted Not all along, they weren't good enough for you But remember, it's this black and white mentality that they have So they've got to put that on to you And that's how you know When a person is constantly going out of their way to make you feel like you're not good enough What does that tell you about themselves? I've said it before how a person Tries to make you feel Or rather how a person treats you That is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves This is why narcissists They actually end up hating and resenting you For helping them It's like you can give them your hands You can pull them out of a ditch And then they'll just turn around and push you in there And you're just scratching your hand thinking why would they do that? And then even as you try to climb out of the ditch They see you trying to climb back out and they just push you back in again Because it's triggering them It's just reminding them That they are the ones who aren't good enough And a lot of times they don't want to accept that Sometimes they come in and they think it's going to be a piece of cake getting something out of you They idealize you in the beginning And then you start disapproving them And then they start to feel like they're in way over their heads They've gotten themselves in too deep Because they've got you doing all these things for them And they're lying to you, they're future faking It's like they're running up this bill with you that they can never repay This loan Because that's what it is. It's like you're loaning them something It's like they've got to pay it back with interest And then they just receive this gigantic bill That they can't afford But they would have put that on to you They want you to Repay it to them Because remember it's a black-and-white mentality Someone's either right or wrong good or bad and they try to put that on to you And that's why in the end when they're blaming you for everything despite everything you've done for them They've still got the sense of arrogance and entitlement They've still got their hands out I mean you could have given them the world They still want more from you in the end They're going for that divorce Alamone child support Trying to take your house your car your kids After everything you gave to them before that They've still got that arrogance and entitlement Meanwhile, they may have done nothing for you They may have been a liability to you the entire time, but you took them in You did everything you could to help them, but it's never enough They can't be saved That's why they always go to the blame game in the end All of these things they do It stems from their feelings of not being enough If this person felt like they were enough If they truly loved and accepted themselves You really think they would have done any of that to you? Of course not They would have treated you with love and respect They would have reciprocated that value back to you Or they would have just told you from the very beginning I'm in wave of my head I can't meet you halfway here I accept I'm not on your level What do we do? But no Instead they went to lying to you Manipulating you deceiving you Future faking And they think they're getting away with it But all of these things where these matters are left unresolved Where they can't pay the price They can't reciprocate that value back to you What do you think this translates to their subconscious? Just reminds them again That they weren't good enough They were never good enough And while they may try to limit denial And they create this false narrative this fake world And they get all of their little monkeys that gather around And poke the finger at you All of this is just a cover up for the truth And the truth is that all along They knew that they were not good enough for you And we all know this is the truth deep down You knew this at one point in the relationship But then they went with the devaluation They started putting you down targeting yourself esteem And as an empath you began to doubt yourself You tried harder to please them Why do they have to do that to you? Why do they have to put you down? Make you feel like you're nothing Because they already knew that's exactly what you thought of them You were second guessing this relationship with them You were doubting their potential But because many of you are so nice you're so kind And you didn't even want to tell them that But they knew it they could see it that you were disapproving of them They felt triggered They had to beat you to the punch They had to get you first But many of you don't see it you don't realise it They knew it all along But they were not on your level They were not good enough for you And that is why they devalued you Trust me if they felt like they were on your level They were good enough for you There's no way they would have ever devalued you People don't typically go out of their way to do that If you're feeling worthy and secure in yourself Just look at how we were with them We were very respectful, polite and courteous Even though in the back of our minds we had a lot of doubts We gave them a lot of time we gave them so many chances But it couldn't be like that with them They had to devalue us because they felt insecure And it's not that they were feeling insecure about us Or about the relationship They were feeling insecure about themselves Which they were then projecting onto us So you see how they twist it And this is the same thing for anyone When anyone comes at you in that way And immediately they're trying to make you feel like something's wrong with you Or you're not good enough That's not something a normal person would do A person who does that is very insecure They have low self-esteem They're comparing themselves to you And they already know that they do not measure up They feel inferior to you So they're trying to devalue you They're trying to put you beneath them So that they can feel more comfortable emotionally Because up until that point they felt very insecure around you A lot of you don't even realise just how great you are Just how special you are But they managed to twist it They managed to warp our minds And it's like Many of us we go online We find these communities Because deep down it's like we can't even believe it ourselves We know something's not right Because we did everything we possibly could To satisfy them, to make them happy It was never good enough And it's like if it's not good enough then Why did you target us? Why did you want to spend all of this time around us? Just so you could blame us and devalue us? It doesn't really make any sense And then at the same time they weren't doing anything for us And we could just write a list of all of the things we did for them The few or little things that they did for us And it's just nothing in comparison It never is I'm sure many of you can look back and it's like You can remember all the times probably every day You were paying for everything for them Maybe paying the rent for the home Paying all of the bills You were doing all of the cooking, the cleaning, the washing You were washing their dishes, washing their clothes And many of you at the same time, you're paying for everything as well And you're looking after the kids Taking them to school And you're working a job And what are they doing for you? Just complaining Criticizing everything that you're doing And yet somehow they managed to gas like this Sometimes we just have to look back at everything we were doing for them You know what the sad truth is? There's plenty of people out there Plenty of empaths And they would have been happy with you They would have been happy with just a mere fraction Of what you were doing for the narcissist That's the truth And I know it might be quite hard For a lot of you to hear that But that's the reality of it Outside of this little bubble with the narcissist If you were doing just a mere fraction of that for someone else An empath They would have been over the moon with that They would have meant the world to them Problem is when you give it to a narcissist It just falls into this void It doesn't mean anything Because they don't mean anything The meaning comes from us We give meaning to things That's why when someone goes out of their way They do something for you Maybe they didn't have to do it They did it out of the kindness of their hearts You're not looking at it like Is that it? Couldn't you have done more better, something else? We're not looking at it like that We're grateful We say thank you We appreciate it But it doesn't work that way with a narcissist Because they have a void They're never grateful They never appreciate anything They're always measurable And that's why we always win at the end I've said before, love always wins in the end They might move on, but they'll always be dissatisfied With anything they get into Well, because we have love in our hearts We could be satisfied with the little things in life But they have to go off of their campaigns Blaming us for everything Smearing our names And yet they're never going to be satisfied With anything that they do They're very egotistical So they're always going to want more They're always going to need more Just remember that it wasn't you We may not have been perfect, no one is But we did so much for them So much that they did not deserve So much that even a mere fraction of that Any normal person would have been satisfied with it And that is the truth So this is the truth So this is my message for today And as some of you may have noticed It's a different setup in this live video A bit more comfortable sitting down here on the bed On the laptop instead of the phone Got the phone right here It's never normally visible in a video Because I'm using it to record But let me know what you think about this setup Because I'm noticing the live viewers Aren't really as high as they were In the live videos of the past two days When I was using the phone So I don't know if you prefer it this way or on the phone You let me know in the live chat and the comments And then I will use your feedback To decide where I go with it in future videos But this is what it's going to be like In my regular videos as well I'm doing them pre-recorded I know right now they have The Narc Survivor thumbnail But it's going to be more like this I've already recorded a few But I'm sitting down And you can see me clearly And actually it should be A much better quality video Than it is in this one So those videos should be up over the next few days It will be interesting to see The feedback, the responses to that Because that will then decide The direction of where the channel goes Angela is saying it's blurry And she prefers the phone Anne is also saying the laptop is blurry I can see the visuals here myself And I will admit yes it does Seem a bit blurry compared to the phone Although I believe that what you're seeing now is more Like a wide screen So I'm not sure if that has something to do with it But the iPhone cameras now They do tend to be a lot better than webcams Even though I am actually using an Alienware laptop as well But even the webcams on these Maybe they're not that great after all But yeah to be honest myself I haven't felt the same energy doing a video like this As I do when I'm using the phone Maybe because I'm used to it I don't know But either way I feel like I've given Some very important information in this video And I do hope that it has been helpful for all of you If it has remember To give this video a thumbs up down below Because it will help the YouTube algorithm To get this message out there So that other survivors of narcissistic abuse will see it as well But yeah that's what I've got to say for this one It's been one hour I hope you found this information helpful for you And you can let me know Your thoughts, your feedback Down in the comments below I am reading your comments every day And also hit that subscribe button And click the bell icon So that you will receive notifications For my future videos And if you would like to book a one-on-one coaching session with me You can head to my website It is NarcSurvivor.co.uk And also follow me on Instagram It's NarcSurvivor YouTube You can send me a message on there as well Thank you all for watching On this rather different setup today I appreciate you all And I look forward to talking with you in another video very soon