 Hey, how's it going today? So we're going to talk about gaslighting today During our morning cup of Jonathan today, I have I don't want to work anymore I want to be cherished put up on a pedestal and taken care of mug. No, that's not narcissistic so our so talking about gaslighting so and The reason why I want to talk about this today is recently. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine a woman who During the course of our conversation. She said she I gas lit her Now if you're not familiar with gaslighting, it's the term of when somebody says Contradictory to their own words or contradictory to your words as And it typically it's done as a it's well the perception is it's done as a manipulation tool to undermine your sense of reality And this is certainly talked about quite frequently for those who have narcissistic personality disorder So I want to give you context of why I'm bringing this up because I have a female friend I've developed a pretty good relationship with a woman recently She originally lived in Los Angeles. We met up as friends. She then subsequently moved to Utah and we seem to talk a couple times a day Sometimes I just feel like we're boyfriend and girlfriend with each other With the amount of time and we talk about a lot of different things particularly We listen to two different podcasts. One is the Mark Groves podcast I got highly recommend it. The other one is spiritually hungry podcast with Monica and Michael Berg and so you definitely check those out And we talk about a lot of personal development together So during the course of the conversation, I can't remember the particulars. Please forgive me I can't remember what happened, but I guess I had said something to her and She took it a certain way. So then when she said it back to me. I said I didn't say that and As soon as I said I didn't say that she said I gas lit her in other words I was I was saying Contrary to what I'd said something like one or two minutes or four minutes earlier I can't remember the timeline and I wish I could remember the context of what it was And in that moment, I said no, I didn't say that I was literally defending my position. I didn't say that And she goes you did say that and it occurred to me that maybe I did say that and what in that moment I was having an absolute memory lapse. This is why I can't even remember what the context was I was having a memory lapse of what I literally said just moments before So I was watching a video and I want to lean into this a little bit more about gas lighting And I was watching a video yesterday About 15 different psychological behaviors and one of the things it talked about how our memory can confuse us and Because we oftentimes remember things in bits and pieces not in its totality And you would think gosh if it was something just moments earlier. You would have this fresh memory and What I was recalling in that moment was there was okay, so here's what happened. I wish again I wish I can remember the context. I was sharing something in particular and Whatever I said I meant something different So this oftentimes happens as well sometimes what we're saying what we're thinking in our head and what comes out of our Mouth can be so different that in the moment when I said I didn't say that it was because I meant something completely different So Who's so as I reflected upon this well, who's right? Well, because did was it that I said was it that I said something that I meant something different Was I actually gas lighting her was she maybe gas lighting me? What if it was the other way around what if I had said it properly and she heard it differently? So this is where this gets so tricky Especially and I was irritated that she labeled it gas lighting because it's as if it was something intentional if it was something manipulative and yet I suspect in many cases When you're experiencing something it so a couple things might happen a you may say something and mean something else Okay, or you might say something and Completely forget it so when it comes back to the time to revisit it and what I mean literally forget it you didn't you might deny saying something or might Claim that it's something different because you literally have forgotten and I suspect this happens to men and women as well This isn't necessarily narcissistic personality disorder because human beings are rather Dysfunctional in the sense is we're not perfect. We're not Autonomous, we're not robots where we can literally have this memory and a recall that's absolutely precise in fact oftentimes our perceptions of what happens can be totally different than our our Recollection of what happens So I think rather than judging it and I'm and this is why I'm talking about this because I'm getting rather tired of the Constant talk about narcissistic behavior. Look at human beings individually can be very selfish Okay, it's just natural to be selfish. We're born as selfish beings in a way We're literally born for other people to take care of us Okay, so to characterize it and listen listen, I am not here to suggest that people who haven't experienced some terrible Events in their life with a partner that couldn't cause a lot of trauma and distress But the same time if you're constantly living it over and over by reminding yourself I was with the narcissist. I was with the narcissist I was then you're reliving the trauma bond instead of finding why were you mostly attracted to this person and Heal that part within yourself rather than focusing on the person focus on your own individual empowerment At the same time I'm here that the reason why I'm having this conversation is I think it's hugely important to recognize that human beings Make mistakes yourself include it. I mean look at I made a genuine honest mistake and quite frankly I can't even I don't even know Maybe she was gaslighting me. Maybe I was gasolineing her. Maybe I perceived it a certain way Rather than judging everything my invitation for everyone is to look at each other with compassion with love Because when we remove the judgments when we remove the the the the the blame We actually find some greater inner peace within ourselves It's just an odd listen This is just an invitation to look at things a little bit differently. That's what I'm here to suggest today So was I gaslighting her? I have no idea was it intentional? Absolutely not and I suspect in many cases when this happens. It's because human beings oftentimes don't remember Remember things or they might say one thing, but they genuinely in their brain They're mean being something else and it doesn't correlate between the two And so rather than judge that I just want to invite a little more compassion and love into each individual And maybe we can find a bit of harmony between ourselves. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know please share this with your friends. All right. This is part of my midlife love mastery group video I hope you found value in it if you did please tell your friends about my group midlife love mastery send them to my website Jonathan as late calm have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group or check out all the other things I offer in my private coaching my Instagram that sort of thing all right I'm going to wrap up this videos I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love And let's face it we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye