 And here we are, Matt looks like he's actually belongs in that wheelchair. You're finally actually disabled to episode number 23, the mighty Michael fully actual podcast and this week we got Jimbo Jono here for the episode. We got a rip and rip snore of an episode. We got I did Tinder, Tinder conversations all week. So we got some banger conversations. We got Matt versus Michael. We got prank call and not to mention that Mr. Brown is in a fucking wheelchair. And this time he belongs there. It's real. So you've actually done damage to your body. Yeah, a little bit. What did doctors say? Doctors didn't say much. What doctors say when you come in? What you say? Doctors said you can't walk fluid. That's racist. Holy shit. Fucking Elmo. We all know now I was an Asian doctor. That's what it sounded like. You made it sound like I was just mimicking Marty. So you got fluid. Yeah, it's just swollen. So you went to the gym and then you woke up the next day and your knee was all swelled up like a breast. No, it came up on, it came late. It was like a couple of days. Maybe people will be able to help. What's that mean? Yeah, so a swollen knee, a stiff swollen knee with huge sack of fluid at the top. What does that mean? Show the comparison. Show the other one so people can see. Well, it's just, I don't know if it is a sack of fluid. I've got to get it. I can literally see a jiggle when you move it. So you're going to get it scanned? Yeah, I've got to get a scan. Are you worried? What if they need surgery to perform on your patella? No, she said to me, you know, if you need, if it needs a surgical thing, you know. Could we pop it? I don't think it's that. I don't think it's that type of swap. That with one leg would be so good, man. What would you do with me? Dude, I'd really encourage you to embrace it. Well, I'd have to. Yeah. Oh, you get to learn how to walk on one of those robot legs. They're the best. Those ones, like, yeah, you could go on the Paralympics. And think about how strong your leg would get. You just huge hops everywhere you go. I reckon you'd have to always have a crutch so you'd never use a wheelchair. I've seen some of the guys with one leg. They do pretty well. I reckon you'd become a sour bitter man who sits at home living off of disability. At least you could be fully into, like, Fortnite or gaming. No, I don't know. I think you'd, I think you guys wouldn't let me do that. You'd encourage me. Yeah. James wouldn't let me do that. Fuck me. We had a bloody wild weekend just before we continue. Last week's episode. So we we were scared of this. You know how all our episodes have been getting age restricted? Well, we're like, you know what? Let's let's let's let's appeal one and see what happens. Let's just see what fucking happens. See if they at least tell us why our videos are getting age restricted, appealed it, denied the appeal. And now we've scheduled the new podcast. It's due to come out in two hours and it's already age restricted. So we we've never had a podcast get age restricted before it's been posted before. So it did do what we were feared it would do. It did more damage than good. And now every fucking episode is getting age restricted. So we're going to have to figure something out. We've lucky we've we've got a YouTube like a Google representative now that we can go to and talk to. But again, I don't know which one of our podcasters showed them to sit down and so they can have a look without them thinking these cunts are so fucked. So yeah, we've shot ourselves in the foot there. But yeah, what are our options? So this Google woman, we're just going to go to home. And I'm just I'm just going to sit it down and just be like, look, we just want to know why they're getting age restricted. Don't care about demonetized. Just age restricted. And then we'll have to just stop that. And then hopefully we'll be OK. But we'll figure it out, boys. We just keep fucking trucking, trucking ahead. But you may need to turn on post notifications. I don't even know if that works. You need to be signed into YouTube. And you might need to search for us. Marty and Michael fully actual to actually see the episodes because they age restricted and they will not be recommended to you. Tell your friends to your family. Five star review on Spotify. Spotify, everyone's all good. So your people on Spotify, keep those five star reviews fucking flying in. Can't and like, take this time to like and comment and subscribe if you haven't because we are getting age restricted to the shit and fuckhouse. Can't next step is strikes and then boom. Channel's gone and that's fucked. You really want Matt to get fucked. His love will be fucking over if this podcast is done. It's nothing else going on. You really want to live with that on your conscience? Like, comment, subscribe, save Matt's fucking life. Look at him. It's getting worse. Now let's talk about our weekends, cunt. All right, Michael, you got taught me to go first. Yeah, because I, it's exciting. I got another hole in one. Holy shit. That's my third hole in one. It's pitch and putt. It's not real gold, but still it's good. Shame that it's pitch and putt and it's a shame that James wasn't there to see it either. Michael could be lying this whole time. Yeah. Oh, well, I guess his ass in the first round. You can ask it like it works at one. Yeah, okay. All right. Yeah, it's a shame. You know that I won't. Yeah, but well, next time we're there, you can be like, did he get, yeah. You had witnesses for the first two though, right? First two I've had witnesses. Last one I didn't. I turned back to see these like these two couples playing and I was going to say something but I didn't want to be that guy. That would have been so gross. And I was so, I was so close. As I was like handing, like I was putting some rubbish away and then I talked to the dude as I was leaving and he fucking goes, or how was it? And I was like, oh, I could say I got another hole in one but I didn't want to be that guy. What, you should have at least said that. Yeah, if he asked you how it goes. Yeah, well, he didn't even ask how to go. I just wanted to say that. If that's what I'm talking about. But getting a random couple's attention and screaming at him, that's obnoxious. Sprinting a hundred meters. Oh! Oh! Oh! Did you see it? Did you see it? Yeah, no, I couldn't do that. But I looked around like a loser. Like I was like, oh, oh, oh. Damn it, I should have stayed. I would have loved to watch that. So you did a second round after James left. I played two balls and yeah, around twice. Does it like, did that one hit the flag and then go in or did it just trickle and drop? It was a 60 degree, perfect, just dropped on the dunk. It rolled in after like two meters. It was so hot. Taste to taste, taste to taste. Who won the actual training on James? James. Is that why he did a second round? So well. No, I like to play by myself as well, like have a round after. It's like meditation. You're bursting yourself. Do you know what I mean? As long as you're improving yourself every day, that's the right direction to head in. Do you know what I mean? That's exactly it. I play a green ball and a red ball. And it's just, yeah. Great time to compete against each other. Oh man, me and Mon had such a nice chilled weekend. We had a fire. And then, you know how I love just burning shit? Mon's kind of gotten into it too. So we just started burning random household items that we didn't need anymore. And we threw a blanket on the fire. And then that burning of the blanket, the smell, like we'll both like had a bit of weed as well. So it was pretty high. The smell unlocked a memory. I was like, well, where do I recognize that smell from? And then I, boom, shot back to fucking four year old Marty when my blanket slipped off of me in the middle of the night onto the heater and the blanket caught fire and mum ran in right before I fucking died right before the blanket caught fire and threw it in the middle, into the corner of the room. That smell reminded me of that. Wow, totally went back to it. Yeah. Wasn't that trauma from that? Yeah. Isn't it that night that somehow your mum just randomly woke up? Two in the morning. Oh, shit. It's huge house, like fucking bigger than the brownery. And opposite ends of the house, 2 a.m. mum just randomly wakes up, walks to my room. And as she walks into my room, the blanket on top of the heater bursts into flames. Did she yell something in German? Yeah. Oh, no! That means, are you okay? Yeah. And then, yeah. So me and Mon just had a real chilled one and just fucking ate good food. And just, yeah, it was just so nice to just do nothing, man. I fucking love that shit. Bosley nearly murdered a possum. That was fun to watch. Yeah, yeah, Bosley's fucking the possum saga continues. I realized that we're just working so hard now so that we can just go to bed later on in our lives. Oh, oh, oh! I realized that with Mon. It's sad. I realized that with Mon. I realized with Mon, like, all I want is just to be able to go to bed without caring the world. Like, you know, sell whatever we've built in 10 years time and then just go to bed without a fucking care in the world. You also get to work with all your friends because of what you guys have built. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Obviously. So there is some positives. Yeah, yeah, it's just so relentless sometimes, you know? But fuck. Yeah, the body took a toll, too. Yeah, yeah, we got fucking smashed up last fucking week. And we filmed some banger fucking website vids. You fucking dumb cunt cunt. And we had a fucking website video come out where we found a fucking fugitive in an abandoned house, literally. I'm not even making this up. What are the chances? We find a fucking criminal in one of these abandoned mansions. Really? Didn't know he was a criminal, yeah. The cops were called, not by us, they just arrived while we were still in there. And then they're like, oh, there's a guy in there who's wanted. And then all of the, like, five cop cars showed up and fucking took him out. You see, as soon as he pops into camera on, like, because I had my camera in front of my chest as I was just walking through rooms. Yeah. And he seemed sort of sneakily put his head around. Oh, you see shadow first. He's just creepy as fuck. And then he's like, oh, can you, oh man. He was like, oh, no, I'm just reading some shit. He was acting cool, like nothing was wrong, but it was real creepy. Yeah, yeah. Like, you didn't want to turn your back to me. You got that kind of vibe, like you couldn't trust him. What do you look like? Just like a normal dude. Really? Yeah, I don't know. You have to watch it. It was very, very interesting. But anyway, yeah. You guys bought a coffee machine. Yeah, we bought a coffee machine. So we stopped spending fucking $30 a day on fucking coffee. Oh, you know what? I did on the weekend that was pretty fucking cool. I took one of the drones that we have now and I went to Mount Gravatt to the abandoned student village and flew it in there and like looked around and shit. Oh, wow. The robot eyes. I was just standing in the sun, getting some sunshine and then I'm like flying this thing and just looking at this abandoned village. You can tell if you get addicted to it, especially with those virtual reality glasses that that drone pilot was just making. Trent. Yeah, Trent. The Trent hat on. Imagine that, you just fucking fly around. You can like look at things. Yeah, it was epic. Very cool. And then I just made a shit load of weed oil. Yeah, nice. I made drugs. I can't wait to fucking try something like that. Yeah, it's out of all my old vape stuff. So I was saying to Michael, it's like recycling. Yeah, it is. And it's low-high twice. It's the best. So you smoke it originally, then you use your vape to weed. Yeah, it has to be vape. You can't have it in a bong because obviously it's gone. Yeah. Matt. So yeah. Matt looks like he's been sucked through a bong with what? He's fucking wearing right now. What do you are? I guess it's up to you now. What happened on your weekend? Let's hear it, Matt. Well, I didn't fucking shit here. Well, three things happened that were cool. One was shit. Sorry. Two were cool. One was shit. One was knee, which we've covered. The other one was I won a worms tournament. Oh, God. The only reason he won is because me and Ryan had to gang up on each other. Worms. It was a three-way game. Hey, man, you play your strategies. I visualized it. I saw it. I did it and I won. He did win by half a point. I'm all right with it. I win a win. Yeah, and I did betray Ryan really badly to get a win. But again, that's fine. Yeah, yeah, just it was cheating. You ain't trying. But we had such a good time because my knee was blown out. I couldn't do anything. It was so good that everyone came over to play worms. Otherwise, I don't know what I would have done. Could have been I would have hung out with me and KK. Or listen to that was the original plan. Yeah, because I don't know if I may be a problem. I think you would have listened to music and just kind of like be leaning up the window, having cigarettes and shit, singing to yourself and just kind of bopping around. That's what I reckon you would have done. Toto Africa, a picture of that. Listen to that song. Soaking cigarettes inside. And then the third thing was... LAUGHTER Put one of the wigs on. Put that wig on, yeah. LAUGHTER Oh, a picture of that. Oh. What else happened? And then, yeah, the third thing was I got some mail. Oh, shit. I got some mail, I got some mail, I got some mail. Our friend, which is Marty's older roommate, Dave, sent you guys some mail. Oh, did he? Well, I believe he did. And... Yeah. You unwrapped it already. Yeah, you've already opened it. Oh, that's right. Tom Green, Tom Green DVDs. I texted him a thank you video from you boys. But this lovely, lovely man is a friend of ours and he's an artist. Mayer, John Mayer. Yeah, him. Yeah, but we call him Dave. Yeah, yeah, that's what you're talking about, yeah. And... LAUGHTER John Mayer. He is an artist. Yeah, Dave has realised I have this new-found, you know, hobby of stickers. And Dave sent me a sticker. If it's going to be a sticker that's good, it'd be from Dave. So this will probably be the best sticker that you've got. It's probably the coolest sticker that you've ever had. Oh, you can't find it. He's shuffling around his wheelchair. He's lost his sticker. That's my sticker. Oh, Brad, you go on about the sticker. You've got to have the sticker. Maybe it's at the doctor's. Of course you do that. A white bit of a thing I had in mind. Wow. This is sticky. Maybe it's here. Maybe it's in my hand. Ah! It's in my hand all along. Oh, Marty! I'm breaking it! I had it right in my hand, isn't it? He stood up and his knee just buckled towards me. Impersoned all the fluid came out. Like, he stood on a landmine. His leg just explodes off it. It would just add to all the bullying, Marty's done to me. As soon as Matt told Marty that he heard his knee, Marty just pissed himself laughing at him for, like, 10 minutes. It was not a serious injury, you know? It's a light-hearted injury. And it adds to Matt that he's limping around with it. This is my sticker. I'm not sure, did Dave draw that? Probably, yeah. Probably did, dude. Or did he send you a note on it? No, no, I've been writing notes on the back of it. What were the notes you wrote on the back? Yeah, read them out loud. So what's the sticker say? What's the meaning behind it? Nothing, it's just a cool drawing. OK. No, you're worse. It's a bit psychedelic. That's the best sticky you've got so far. Yeah, Michael actually. Yeah, Dave is spot on again. I thought you fucked the sticking part. It really hurt my OCD, but you're all right. Oh, well, there you go. Pikachu needs to go, man. Yeah, it's too fucked. Listen, mate, don't talk about that. If I could sit on that couch right there and judge you right now, I would. There's no space. Also this week, we're going, we're camping. We're fucking, we're heading out this Thursday night. We've got Jackson and Locky coming. We've got the Cracker Milk boys coming. Luke is coming with a four-wheel drive. Yeah, we are fucking going to the mountains and we're going to do a camping trip and just film some videos that we, it's all started with when we needed a location to film this one website video and now it's evolved into this fucking camping trip and boy, oh boy, are we excited. It's going to be fun. It's going to be a bit of mayhem though. And no showers by the way, boys. Yeah, yeah, well. You can swim in the dam but I saw a water rat in there once and they are pretty big. What's going down with that? Yeah, they're massive. They're like this big, but that, well, that's their body and tail. Well, Luke will be there though, right? Yeah, Luke will protect us from all that. All is well. And we saw that thing in the water, that little weird. Yeah, that was it, the water rat. No, remember we saw another little thing kept popping up in the water. Oh, the little leachy, leachy thing. We didn't know what that was, yeah. Dad reckons it's a baby eel. Oh, yeah. Yuck. Oh, yucky, yucky. It's like a long, like, you know, like the ringworm, that'd been a real one but like long and swimmy. Yucky. Yeah, feral. That's so fucking gross. Anyway, have a swim in there. But yeah, so there probably will be, I'm going to try and get a lot of sleep on Wednesday because I doubt there'll be any to very little sleep on Thursday and I hate brown. You should just guarantee yourself a bed. Yeah, I'll try. Just shotgun one. Say shotgun real quick. Shotgun. There you go. Shotgun two. Yeah, yeah, if you come. I mean, it's going to get earplugs and an eye mask and make sure that the blanket is fucking warm this time. Fucking, what the fuck, man. Yeah, blankets. Maybe sleeping in the car. Fuck it before again. Sheep's throwing it up. Yeah, that was my bad. Yeah, I can't sleep in cars. Yeah, it was painful sleeping in the car last time. No, you're in a wheelchair. But anyway, that's our fucking wake up. Let's fucking get in on getting is some fucking sponsors. You can't do it. A G one. We all here take a G one because it's got seventy five vital nutrients and minerals in it. In it, it is actually very healthy and good for you. And it fucking makes us feel better and you have a huge burst of energy straight after that's no joke. That is one hundred percent the truth. It's a monthly subscription. It shows up on your door. You put the powder in the cup and you drink it. It's fucking delicious. And it's all it's it's vegan. It's dairy free. It's GMO free. It's made in the most healthiest ways possible. It genuinely helps fucking boost your shit. Can't I fucking been on it and done blood tests and shit. And the doctors fucking looked at me and said, can't these results are fucking shit. Fucking awesome. Can't and I fucking turn around and flex to that bitch and said, yeah, and that's all because AG1. So go to AG1 slash fully actual and you get a free travel packing. You can slurp the shit down or you're fucking a prostitute on a plane. You dirty pricks. It's also green. Yeah, it's very green. It's well done, Mark. Yeah, well, the colors are getting so much better, dude. AG1, you link in the description, outsource that part of your your health. Get into the habit now and you'll thank us in fucking ten years time. Trust me, if fucking 23-year-old Marty was here, I'd put my thumb straight in his fucking eyes and squish him all the way back into his fucking brain and scream at him to get onto some AG1, come on. How would you scream at him? Ah, I do one. That'll work. Michael, no, no, no, Michael, stop. Oh, man. Yeah, don't do that. That would be so painful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, with my eyes open too. Oh, and then like really sharp thumbnails so it splits the ball as you push it in. Oh, fuck. That is rough. That's in going like that. Dude, put your thumbs on your open eyes and push in every. We should do that as a video. Marty has his thumbs on Michael's eyes and Michael has his thumbs on Marty's eyes. Both push in. What are you doing? Oh, stop pushing your eyeballs. Now you can squish your eyes. No. Do it. No. You can already swollen. Stop it. You can do it with a closed eye. Dude, you're going to lose your eyesight. Try it. No. OK, how much? I'll give you $30 to try. I don't mind pushing them on my eye, but I'm not doing it. It's going to be open eye and then push them on your eye and push in. Age one. OK. And man, skate. You're wasting your potential, you know. You're unhappy. You feel like shit. You look like shit. And it's time for change. Change only happens one small step at a time. Stop thinking, oh, I've got to fucking lose 30 kilos. There's no way I'm going to be able to just make the first step. And the first step is to care. And the best way to care is to go to manscape.com and use our discount code fully actual 20 to get 20% of all of their male grooming products and some female grooming shit, too, can't. Holy shit, they got some shit to make you fucking so happy. They got fucking nose head trimmer, not to mention they're lawnmower 4.0. It's fucking insane. You can use it in the shower so you can snip you. Well, your fucking prostitutes arrived early. You can jump in the shower and shave your cock at the same time and fucking get in there and then use the ball wipes on your nuts and then go outside and wipe your mother's face with it and have a chuckle yourself. And it's all healthy. It's all fine. Go out and fuck a prostitute. Go and fuck a prostitute, manscape.com. And fuck as hard as you can with our discount code fully actual 20 and just fucking slammer in a fucking motel room with your fucking family at home. Fucking manscape.com. Get your grooming shit from there, you brother. It's fucking good shit, can't. Why are we age restricted? Yeah, why are we age restricted? Also for women. The hairy ones. Family at home. It was my favorite bit. OK, very, very. Anyway, yeah, discount code go to manscape.com slash fully actual 20% off. It's fucking good shit. I'll tell you what, right now, brother, you still do nick your balls sometimes. So you still have to be careful. I'm not saying don't be careful. I'm saying it's much less likely that you're going to. Man, I'm not saying you're going to do that. I'm saying it's much less likely that you're going to. Sorry. And of course, our University of Michael, our subscription website where we post weekly content. It's our fucking favorite. Well, we've confirmed we've signed to new content creators. Hopefully that content will be stuck coming out and maybe like a month or something. So there'll be more content creators out of mass. You pay the same amount and you get like three videos a week instead of one. And ours is the best. Ours is so fun. How much fun is ours? We're actually getting high, high, high two. Michael, you have to show them your fucking bruise. Oh, yeah. Dude, you have to show them. This is the most we filmed a website video last week and Michael's probably got the worst bruise. I think that we've ever had in our money. We get some dramatic reveal music. Well, Marty, it was just his bare ass. Look at this happened by chance. Marty hit him in the same spot three times with squash. It was an accident. Full ball. Oh, oh, it's much bigger than I thought. Yeah, dude, yeah, you need to you might need to part your legs a bit more because you can't see that it's all the way around. Yeah, it's like on the inside of the thigh. Cool on it a bit. Can you get in on that? That's fucking. Yeah, that's it. Look at that. Look at that. That's not OK. So Michael, before you sit down, just smell this. I want to know what you think of it. I had a band-aid on it for two days. It smells weird. What do you think of that? That's OK. It's gone all white. Look at that. Oh, I wouldn't advise you on that. Anyway, 260 videos on the site, 21 day free trial. Have a fucking geese and see what you reckon. There's fucking fucking comments and shit. Now you can fucking it's just a good time, Matt. I got bashed by a professional in an A-fighter last week. Adrian, that was hard to watch. It was actually really interesting. The other video that we filmed last week is going to be. Julian has been saying that he has struggled to edit it because he's pissing himself laughing so hard. Yeah, that's always a good sign. Was this the one I walked in on? Yeah. The cocktail one. I don't think that that would be that good. But how did Adrian Pang take it easy? Or was he no at all? Look, he could have easily gone way harder. Yeah, he said he went at 70 percent, but some of those punches were not 70 percent. He put it in his hip. The leg kicks were the first ones. Just straight away, I had my hands up just leg kick and then leg kick again. And then the second leg kick was where it was just like, I can't do that. So I had to put my hands down to cover that part and just risk getting knocked out. That must be what that's what fighters go through. They take a couple of hits to the leg and that's it. They're nice and done. Yeah, they're fighters. Yeah, wow. They used to leg kicks. Yeah. Anyway, so that's the fucking sponsors, you fucking prick. See? What's his gym called again? Integrated MMA. It's a very good gym. Yeah, it's not Joclale. Integrated. No, they thought about Joclale. They went with integrated MMA. It's a bit more memorable. And easier to spell, too. Joclale has some, has a lot of vowels in it. Michael, would you like a questions dance? Oh, yes. This isn't Q and A. We're just going to do the dance for it because these boys just absolutely love it. Are you ready? You have all the questions and we have all the answers and we've got lots of dances for you. Anyway, let's have our first bomb break and we'll be right back with Matt vs. Michael. And we're back. I wonder how this episode that's coming out today, everyone's going to DM Emy Rock and see if we can get Henry on board. Oh, yes. We're in the midst of, we've started planning Michael's box. So that's, that's fucking, it's going to be a fucking another couple of loose nights. Maybe we just fire up the podcast when he's here, piss as fuck and just go for it. Oh, it's up to Michael. Oh, do you see how he feels? I think I'm not be careful. Yeah, I really want like a lot of plastic shit, like tables to like smash on. That'd be fine. So plastic tables and chairs, lots of them. Yeah. Lots and lots and lots of them. I would love Michael just to do a cannonball onto a plastic chair. It probably will happen, dude. I reckon by like seven o'clock sat on the Saturday. AM. No, it'll get 7 PM. That's when that will occur. Should we just fill the entire house with plastic stuff? No, just a couple of tables. I just want to snap a few. All thing. All right, guys. Matt, hit it. Which one? Matt vs. Michael. Oh, so exciting. Matt vs. Michael. It's Matt vs. Michael. It's Matt vs. Michael today. Matt vs. Michael. It's Matt vs. Michael. It's Matt vs. Michael today. Yay. Come, come, come have fun. Come, come, come open. What's up, come have fun. Come have fun. Come have fun today. Bottle of cum. Ha, ha, ha. All right, so it's 13 to 10? Fuck, I don't know. Brain's gone. I think it is. It's 13 to 10. Matt's coming home strong. We can check. You won last week, right? I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we had the, we had the gold. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, you're double digits now. All right, now, everyone knows what they're playing for, right? The sacred bottle of mints which sits here above us and looks down on us and protects us at night from the evil spirits. So it is a sacred, beautiful bottle. It's valuable. You could go to a sperm bank and sell that for fucking hundreds of dollars, come. Anyway. Millions. 13 to 10 to Michael, whoever wins overall at the end of the season gets to fucking keep it. And that's like, that's special. Anyway, today's competition is who is better at beatboxing? Booch, booch, booch. I didn't know. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. I didn't know. But I did suggest this. Yeah, Michael did suggest this one. I'm not even good at it. Yeah, there am I. I don't even think what I'm gonna do. That's music to my fucking ears, come. All right, how long do we have to do it? 30 seconds. And you have to try and keep on for 30 seconds. Oh, do you want me to get a timer gone? Oh, yeah. All right. Oh, that's a long beat box. Yeah. That's really gonna test them. Your lips are gonna get really sore. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Scissors, paper, rock, scissors, paper, rock. I've got fucking one beat and that's it. Scissors, paper, rock. Scissors, paper, rock. Fuck! Can I say something before this begins? Because I know there's a hack. And if they do the hack for the whole time, they're not allowed, it's instant loss. I don't know what the hack is. The hack is just to say boots and cats over and over, like boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats. It sounds like beat boxing. Thank you. What about purple pizza, purple pizza? You can't say words. If it's just about the whole time, then that will win. Well, you know, you're judged on your creativity. So if you do that for the whole time, there's a high chance you'll lose. Oh, it's gonna be so shit. All right, Matt, who do you want to go first? I might go first. I always go first. All right, Michael, I can't in. All right, on three, a one. Wait, wait, wait, let me breathe! A one, two, three. Halfway. Very, very. It was good, but it's also, it's a cover. Like, you know, it's, there is an existing. It's a remix of a cover. Yeah. The rhythm was good. I liked the songy bit because it was good singing. But yeah, creativity wise, it's a pass, just. Well, we'll give it a final scores at the end. I could beat it with creativity. All right. All right, here we go, man. I'll count you in. I got nervous. A one, a two, a one, two, three, go. Halfway. I was exhausting. How do people do that? Yeah. I'm not even making it any more. Way better than I thought you'd both be. Matt's like, beats were way out of time and like, I was just trying to go for creativity. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, Matt's created, Matt's was very unique and original. So fuck, all right. Are you giving them each a score out of 10? Yes. And then we add the scores. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I'm doing one point decimals as well. So you can be like a one point three. That's a low score. Out of 10? Out of 10. So on the rubric of beatboxing, are we putting like Joel Turner as a 10? Yeah, yeah, exactly. So don't feel bad if you get below like five, okay? Yeah, all right. Yeah, yeah, it was like, this is like comparing to a professional beatboxer. Yeah, but zero is like a rock. Yeah. Okay. All right, so I gave Michael a 4.6. Wow. That's strong. I was going to say a 5.5. Okay. So that's a 10.1. What did I say? 4.6? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, 10.1. It's not bad. And I gave Matt a flat five. Oh, shit. I gave Matt a 6.5. Okay. The creativity was great. This is praying. Yeah, a little like the five bits in it. Okay. All right, so 13.11. 13.11, Matt is coming back. The brownie's climbing back. Beatbox gods just look all... You know what's funny? When you've tried, the win ratio is way higher than models. I can't believe you brought it back. Yeah, see, it's not far behind. You'd laugh for a split second now. I nearly lost it, too. It sounded like you did it on purpose nearly. Wow. It was in time. I was going to take Mark's off, but then he restarted so quickly that it almost made me give him more marks. Past Matt would have been like, oh, no, I laughed. Oh, that's it. I give up. I get that. You'd be like, oh, shit, I fucked that up. Yeah. You persevered and you over-talking him in the end. Do you remember? It's just like the tortoise and the hare. Do you remember? You did say that shit, too. Yeah, I said, you were acting like that. I'm still confident. Did you remember at school where people would try and battle each other? Did you ever have any of those people at school? I didn't go to that kind of school. Oh, man. Fucking sick, cunt. That's fucked. Break dancing, that would happen. Yeah, we have break dancing, too. Really? Oh, yeah. What, guys at your school? Oh, yeah. Like school socials, that shit happened. Oh, yeah, but really? Oh, actually, yeah, I do remember that. Oh, never at school. Josh Dancer and shit used to be real into that. That's right. Yeah, it did happen at parties. Not at school, but at parties. I remember a specific event at my school where this dude came to our school, he was new, and he was like a semi-professional beatboxer. And this dude showed up at our school during lunchtime, didn't go to our school, and was like, I want to battle him. And all these crowds came and it was just crazy. And they had this battle over the fence at each other. Yeah, I think that's very, like, palm beach. Disgusting. Very palm beach. Oh, man, that was hard to hear. Did you bash him? That hat Matt's wearing is actually part of his old school uniform from Palm Beach. Some of the gloves. And some of the shorts. It is actually Gold Coast. Some of the shorts in school's sponsored by 4X. This is cool P.E. uniform. The MMA gloves. Because it's constantly Biffos at the school. All right, everyone, we're going to move right along to Matt's tinder. Adventures. Hit it, Matt. All right, now this is a segment where we have taken over Matt's tinder, used all his photos, all his personal information, used his full fucking name, everything out there. And we speak to these girls as if Matt were talking to them. So these women believe, truly believe, it's Matthew Gregory Brown on the other end, having a conversation, saying these fucking things. And we're helping him fuck things. We want you to fuck things, can't put your cock up it. That, that and that and that done. Our job's done. We just want your sperm all over Brisbane, can't. And that's what I'm trying here. Yeah, are you still actually trying to find me someone? Hey, haven't you been listening to the, for the last fucking however many episodes? Yes, I'm trying to find you someone Matt. Things have been happening, dude. It's going, I reckon you have a wife within weeks. All right guys. But petrally, I mean, technically it's working. Sort of. Petrally. Well, yeah, there have been some. Petrally. You've added some fuel to the fire. Yeah, exactly right. That's for quieter. All right, all right. All right, here we fucking go everyone. Fucking strap yourselves in. Cause I was, add my phone on me. Like I would just do this like an hour. Lunch breaks. A night, you know? So some of these conversations have developed. Yes, you've been slack. Just. Yeah, yeah, I have. I have been slack recently. But this is like now that it's like full on stories now. Yeah, yeah, I've got, I reckon enough conversations for like two or three weeks here. But anyway, here we go. So she starts the conversation. Hello, how are you? Fucked. Just scraped this huge scar by head on my back off. Stinks so bad. How's your weekend and shit? Oh, what happened? I worked during weekends and I have this eczema in my hand for a month now. It's so annoying. I'm so sick of this. I was riding my granddad's cow when my foot got caught in the saddle and fully dragged me across the car park gravel. I was twisting and squirming, trying to get out of it. It hurts so bad. Oh, that's hectic. How come you got that? And what do you do on weekends? Oh, I bet it's so painful. I work as a chef. That's why I worked during weekends. How about you? What do you do? Yeah, it was so unlucky. Worst part is my granddad told me not to ride the cow and that they're different to horses. But I've fully gotten his face and got like heaps aggressive with him. He bitched out and let me do it. But I guess I should have listened. Lesson learned. Oh, that's sick as hectic shit. Do you work at a super fancy restaurant? I love food. I eat pretty much like every day. What do you like to cook? I like salty ears, pigs, slow cooked, and then dried out. My old roommate showed me and used to live in one of them weird countries. You naughty. No one ride the cow. Lesson learned now that you listen. I work in community clubs, so not a fancy restaurant. But way back on my hometown, I used to work in a fancy restaurant, though. It was and fun, but now just chilling. I also like food. I like cooking at home. I cook towards in the fridge. I usually cook like Western or Filipino food. What do you do? Yeah, my granddad is still pretty upset with me. More because I got right up in his face and was like yelling at him a little bit. Oh, that's so hectic as shit. Knowing how to cook food is such a slippery skill to have in your back pocket. I'm currently in between jobs and just enjoying some time to myself. Well, it gets so hectic sometimes, so I decided that I wasn't going to work this year and just chill. It's been so nice just doing absolutely nothing but watching TV and gaming mostly. Last year when I had a job, I was a council worker and doing labouring and standing around holding street signs and shit. Oh, I feel so pity for your granddad. Just be careful next time. I really love cooking. It's my passion, especially when I cook for my family and friends. Enjoy what you have right now. You deserve it. Every second of it. Yeah, he's just really opinionated. He's just really opinionated sometimes and always tries to tell me what to do. I love my granddad, but like, yeah, I just want him to fuck up sometimes, you know? He's so old and doesn't know shit anymore apart from the cow. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. To be honest, it's a pretty easy living off Centrelink payments. I might write a book or some shit. Grandparents always are like that. Just be patient to them. Oh, wow, that's so cool. At least you have something to do that you love. Yeah, OK, I'll try to be more patient. As long as he doesn't try and tell me to stop eating macs every now and then, that shit really pisses me off. What would that old fuck know about Woody? Probably ate, like, fucking wooden shit back a hundred years ago. So what are your dreams and shit like that? Jesus, shit. What restaurant? You probably ate wood. What restaurant do you work at? Is it actually called Community Club? Oh, don't say that. You were too hush to say that your granddad, he just wants you to eat something healthy. Macca's is not good if you eat like every day. I grow up with my grandparents, and yes, they are hard sometimes, but it's for our own good, though. I love them, and I cherish every moment when I was in my hometown. I work in a cafe. Yeah, my granddad's just a little bit too annoying, always nagging at me. Don't eat macca, don't write cows, don't scream at me. Blah, blah, blah, I'm a grown man, and I can make my own decisions. What cafe are you at? I might come in wearing a dress and embarrass you. Can you imagine? I won't tell you, maybe you come to my workplace and embarrass me. I would definitely do that. It would be so funny, though. I would wear a really tight pink dress and run in saying your name really loudly. So what cafe is it? Nah, I will not say. Oh, why won't you? Just tell me, it would be funny. I've already got the dress, so it's kind of rude that you weren't telling me. Don't you like get funny stuff or some shit? Everyone will piss themselves of laughing, I promise. So just tell me. I like funny stuff, but that thing, though, I don't like to be embarrassed. It won't be embarrassing, I promise. Everyone will think it's funny, trust me. Just try it, and if no one is laughing, I will leave. And then she stopped replying, but I continued. I'm starting to get really frustrated here. I told you I already have the dress. Why can't you just let me come to your cafe in it with lipstick on and scream your name a little bit? It's funny? Again, ignored. Just tell me if it's Northside or Southside at least. This is so weird that you aren't telling me. And then I sort of caved a bit. Do you hate me now? Be honest, I've given the dress to my sister, and then she started replying again. Oh my God. Oh, you are so naughty. You hate me, don't you? Would you still consider getting to know me? No more dresses, I promise. I don't hate you. I just don't like that, dear, you will embarrass me. Yeah, but remember I said it's not embarrassing and it's more funny than embarrassing? I don't like it. Just respect that decision. Oh! Yeah, that's what my sister said I should do when I gave her the pink dress I bought. So how's your weekend? Are you okay? It seems like you are not. Life's been rough lately, not gonna lie. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear. Things will be okay soon. I bend down low and slowly move my body around the kitchen. Mark my body with a thin knife. Oh, shit. I take a ladle and splash hot oil on my bare skin. I hear it sizzle and the blinding pain reminds me of my childhood. And that's an ongoing conversation. Oh my God. Oh, dude, run a mile that girl. Oh wow. Yeah, so they're all quite long. The patience she has to put up with that shit. Yeah, I know, that dude, I realized doing this dinner segment, like at the end of the day, I feel kind of sad because I'm like, there are so many people out there who just have such low standards that they're willing to just like, like some of these are crazy. Like it gets a lot worse than this. Yes, here we go. And they're willing to just like look past just some really serious issues. Well, look at people who stay in bad relationships. Like they stick through some shit. Yeah. How complimentary can I be without you unmatching me? I definitely won't be unmatching you. How forward can I be without you unmatching me? Let's find out. I want to meet you at my place and suck on your tits and front slip without even saying a word to you. Oh my God. You said this one last week. My compliment is lame compared to that opening one. Wait, this whole thing? Not this whole thing. You started this conversation already. Okay, all right, so we started this. Really? Yeah. I don't remember that. Oh, I remember that. Oh, actually, yeah, I don't remember telling you about this last week. Then you told me after it. My compliment is lame compared to that opening line. I see you didn't unmatch me. After I suck your front gap, I'd flip you over and drill a hole through you. I already have three. While I am pedantic about equal numbers, I really don't need a fourth. And I definitely won't be unmatching you. I want to be the reason you have that gorgeous smile on your face. I'll work on the other holes first then, but my rules are simple. No talking, straight to business. Then I'll book your new home once we've both exploded. I live on the Sunshine Coast. My night off isn't often and it's only a Saturday. So you decide if that fits in within your rules. Yeah, that's perfect. I'm just a work right now, but let's get the details later. Anyway, where were we? Keen to have your massive tits sucked raw. I want to slubber all over you and make weird sounds. So don't you ever travel to the female? Only if I can sprint to her house in under three kilometers. That's fair. What other rules do you have? No talking, only moaning. Must be showered, must be punctual and must do whatever I want. I've got a fucking bucket full of gravy with your name on it. Figuratively or literally? I'm talking about the fucking bucket of full of gravy. Figuratively or literally? No, I have a literal bucket of gravy. I want to sit you in a bathtub and slubber all over you. And then just let me do my thing. You will have an immense amount of pleasure, but I will finish inside of you. Oh my God! She unmatched. She unmatched. Oh my God. Phew, that was hard. Holy shit. So Matt starts the conversation. Pour sour milk down the drain, not in the bin. Lesson learned today. What? I poured a two liter bottle of really off milk into the bin. Then a few hours later I went to take the bins out and there was a hole in the bottom of the bin bag. So all the sour milk started pouring out with bin juice. I panicked and tried to sling the bag out of an open window near me, but missed and the bag exploded on the wall next to the window. My whole house smells of off milk and rotting breast tissue. Sling it out a window? Yeah, I'm kind of glad it didn't make it through or it would have ended up in the neighbor's yard. Oh dear, I'm not sure what to think of you now, lol. I guess I learned that I'm not good under pressure. What would you have done? Put it down to sink in the first place and not the bin. Oh yeah, lesson learned. I couldn't be bothered cleaning it yet. My roommate is going to split her mouth open when she sees the mess. Oh gross, you haven't cleaned? She'll be kicking you out. Lol. I was in a rush to an appointment and when I got home there was literally hundreds of flies. Then I thought, I'm kind of want to see my roommate's reaction. I'm always heaps hectic and hard to live with but it's funny so that always makes up for it. I'm just saying, I'm not your housemate, lol. She came home and fully lost it. She was fully gagging and shit. Oh my God, I filmed it. Can I have your number? I'll send it to you. She left for the night to say to her friends. Oh my God, so good. I'm not surprised. No, I'm good, I don't need to see it. Ruma just called me this morning and she's kicking me out. Fucking hell, she can't even take a joke. I'm definitely not cleaning this mess now. Hey, do you know any places for Gibran, like 150 a week? Oh dude, imagine if she offered you a room somewhere. And I got, and I signed all the paperwork under Matt's name and he was living in a lease for, I think this woman's house. Oh wow. That would be an extreme prank. Dude, so we've just got you a potential roommate. No. Man, oh, there are so many here that I just want to read to you guys. Fuck. Oh man. There's some good ones, but I'll save them. I'll save them, sorry. Anyway, so as you can see, some progress. We're developing relationships, communication, kindness. Everyone's in love. Matthew Grogu Brown progressing. Options, lots of options. Look, I just found this one. I just thought it was funny because this chick's on her, she's like a professional fighter. Like literally an MMA fighter. So Matt opens with, I want you to bash me. That could be arranged. Oh fuck yes, that's so cool. I've always wanted a super hard head kick from a chick just to get clean knocked out stiff. Next week, she didn't reply for a while, so I replied a few days later. So did you have some spare time this week? I honestly don't want long. I just want to be severely knocked out. A really clean connection to my skull with your shim. Don't write back yet. And then she unmatched it. Was she a pretty fighter? Yeah, not too bad. Very like muscly and like strong. Well, arguably, she won't forget you. She sees you, she'll try to knock you out. Probably fucking knock me out. That's really why I'm getting knocked out stiff. It's so much he weighs days and checks again. Like he's been thinking about it. He's finally found the one that we're willing to do. She thought he was joking. First person that she realised he wasn't joking. Papando! Oh shit. Oh my god. Wow. Holy shit. Holy fuck, man. That's very good. You burned the computer. It doesn't do that. Say sorry. Say sorry. Say sorry back. OK, I won't do that every time. That looks so aggressive with his outfit. No, fuck that. Oh, anyway, that's fucking fucking cunt. Shall we do a fucking lying segment or a screaming segment? What cunt? Oh, yeah, the fucking... We've changed locations one last time. We're going to the hinterlands now, near you guys. You're a lying little dog. Fuck. How did you know? I just assumed you're probably filming a podcast and trying to lie. Fuck, he's good, man. He's too good. He's too good. That's what we're going to... We've got to fucking call mates that we don't like. I know that. I laughed at it. What do you want, cunt? I'm telling you, this is a call to everyone. Can Jackson help us now to lie to someone else? Jackson, what the fuck? Can we lie to Loki about something? What's something that we shouldn't know? I didn't. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I hear the giggle of a certain dicky-knee. Yeah, he did, dude. He's even dressed like dicky-knee today. Say, how the fuck did you know that? You had a better fucking name, Matt Brennan. You fucking cunt. How did you know that his name was fucked? Fuck. No, I'm really sorry. I'm back. I'm so insecure and I'm projecting all of them on you. I'm sorry, Matt. The lie is actually on Matt. Jackson is here. Come on, man. He's not here because I've been watching the front. No, he's not here. Damn it. I watch the front guy every time. Right? My fucking sister's lips, cunt. I'm trying. I really want to be part of your family. Oh, really? Matthew O'Doherty. Matthew O'Doherty. Do I take her last name? Anyway, Jackson. All right, man. We'll let you go, but we'll see what happens. What should we lie to Lucky? Oh. All right, guys. We're going to do a pair of box. Matt's going to turn twist his stiff body around and press a button. Is there a pair of box? There's a pair of box. We're going to have to play with it. Get back over here. Get back over here. We're going to play with it. Have we got a fucking fucking? Lied. Oh, we got a little package. You haven't ordered anything. No, we haven't ordered anything. This is directed to Michael. Who is it from? It is from Shane Meyer. From Florescent. Florescent? Is that Florescent? All right. Yeah, I think so. It doesn't matter. Anyway, it's from America. We have all the... All right. Let's open it. So this is for Michael specifically. Apparently. All right. Well, Michael, here you go. We have all the... Oh, no. Is it hair? I don't know. There's a letter and there's a frame. What have we got here? Lord of the Ru... Oh. What is it? That's surely from Marty. He said it's to dress to Michael. Maybe they got our names wrong. That happens all the time. Bosley. Come here. Bosley. Come on. Oh, my baby. What is it? Is it a... It's magnets on the back. Oh. Oh, we can put on the fridge. Oh, yes. Come here, darling. Come on, darling. Good little limp. Good boy. Here he comes. Here he comes. Come on, Bosley. Hello, Bosie. Look at this. Hello, Bosie. Hello. Oh. Oh. I love you. I love you. Yeah. Good boy. Good boy, Bosie. Shut down. Shake that sexual off. Sit down. Sit. Feel free to uncomfortable for his old joints out here. You reckon? Maybe, but thank you so much you'll ever did this. Yeah, that's so cool. Oh, I'll be putting this on the fridge and now we can stick things to the fridge magnet. Okay, and I was at Sticky. I don't know. It comes from a sad story, unfortunately. Oh, shit. He's become institutions. Oh, shit. Hey, boys. Long timeYeah, come on out after the 4th year or so. I'll make this quick. I lost one day due to Dementia and we are finding out the dumbhe Cafe decisions which we need a new roof for my mom. It leaks horribly, there is mold on the ceiling that my mom has to deal with. I'm on disability and can't help mom physically or money-wise. I have a GoFundMe setup, so if you could please help spreading it with social media. I've never been this desperate. I need to make sure my mom is safe. I don't know how to share this. If you could go to gofundme.com and share and search Shane Meyer with M-E-Y-E-R, it would help more than you could imagine. All see you demented duo in the UOM Facebook group. Thanks for your time, Shane Meyer. Well, has he got the link to the GoFundMe? So this, I guess that's the process. Go to gofundme.com and type in Shane Meyer M-E-Y-E-R and let's help him out. Well, should we put it in the GoFundMe, the link in the description? If we can find it. Also, I'll write a note. I don't want this to start a title wave of GoFundMe gifts being sent in. So please be aware that we can't share everyone's as much as we would love to. We get like probably 50 requests a day to share GoFundMe. So if we can't choose one over the other, you know what I mean? Because then the more we choose, then we get fucking people just sending in all these terrible, terrible stories. So if you want to support, what was his name, Shane? Shane Meyer M-E-Y-E-R search that on GoFundMe.com. Let's help him get a new ceiling. Good luck out there, Shane. Fucking hang in there, mate. Go to manscape.com. Sorry. All right, fuck me. Let's move right along, eh? Let's move right. Should we do a quick screaming segment? Go on. I reckon. Or what about Tails from Bethlehem? Oh, thanks. Have you gone? Well, I was trying to think of a funny story that when we used to live with James. What's a funny night you could discuss of something that funny that happened when we used to live with James? Have we told the Christmas night story? Cause I just, I found photos of it the other day. Oh yeah, when Michael got so facey, passed out by like midnight and then me and James just stayed up cause we put a roast in the oven at one AM. So dumb, it was so hungry. Three hours that thing had to cook. And Michael was fully passed out. So we're just like, let's have some fun with him. Such a beautiful Christmas. Funniest part was, yeah, so this is like Christmas day. We just all, all our friends hung out. I started, I just got this, the big salt shake and I put it on full open and we just pour salt into Michael's slightly agape mouth as he was sleeping and just fucking apes for it and it would just stay there. And nothing happened to it. It would have been so de-hydrated. Dude, terrible. The photos are so good cause you can see the progression. You can see like, there's a bit of marker on your face and then your mouth is full of salt and then like it goes forward to the last photo where you just have like a light sprinkle of piss and your face and body is like yellow drops and you're like pissing on my face. You remember, James would get the mouth. 100% yeah, so it's like pissing on my mouth. That's fucked. It would have like fully like wet the salt and pushed it down my throat. Yeah, it would have dissolved it. It dissolved it, yeah. The salt. Man, we're getting the broom. What do you mean, so nice? We got a broom and we'd hit the bristles into your face as I was with you. Oh my God, I was dying, dude. I couldn't breathe. I really would stir sometimes but no, you're fucking gone, can't. See imagine if we had phones back in our day. See, you've got the progression on photos. We could turn that into all your old vids into a website vid. That could be one of your stories from the chairs. Yeah, I was watching all of the videos from our road trip. It was fucking amazing, so fun to watch. Yeah, with the iPhones back then, there would have been. There must have been, because I'm literally going through. And I remember we were doing vines and shit, remember? Yeah, that's right. So vines were around. Very good, good times. Yeah, fucking nice. But anyway, that's our tale from Bethlehem this week. It was like a little Bethlehem that house. It was. Man, there was some sick shit that went in there. And my poor born again Christian sister who thought her lovely younger brother was looking after the house respectfully. Oh man. Do you remember we put porn on play at 100 full volume and then later on in the TV, we'd hear the neighbors just having really quiet general chat. It was probably a meter away that house. So that would have been happening to listen to. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, fuck me, whore! Fuck me, whore! Yeah, we just had a nest on the ground. Didn't want to, didn't someone bring a girl? Yeah, that's why we put the porn on so loud. And Michael picked up dog shit and carried it in and said, hey, look at this. Yeah, that's right. That was another time. Oh, the videos from that were great with the drum kit. Yeah, the drum kit. Yeah. And the stabbing. Yeah, I think they're gone now. There's a keyboard. Dude, the stabbing videos, I wish we, cause fuck we used to like really push it with that. Oh, we still got those. Miss you guys, but like I used to do this game when we were hammer drunk. Oh my God, imagine if that fucking ever went wrong. I didn't even consider that. Luke actually stabbed my face on New Year's. I was so confident with it every time. So calm, I knew nothing would go wrong. So I go, boom, stab, stab, like this far away from the boys' heads and arms and shit. We just knew if Marty comes into the room with a knife, stay still. Don't move, don't try and leave. You have to stay still and get through it. I take risks sometimes and put my hands up. I know. Well, Marty would do ones where he'd go, and then he'd go, upwards with it. And we're like, yeah, just very scary. He wasn't selfish though. He'd do it to himself as well. Like it'd sort of be stabbing, he'd turn it on himself. Yeah, I just realized you and a knife is dangerous. Remember you cut the cord, you're trying to, you're so fucked and you were cutting bread and you cut through a cord. No, I was cutting cheese. I was cheese. You know, when you just get through the cheese, it just keeps sliding through. Yeah. And it just went through the fucking, oh. Yes, it blew up the power. Did you have your hand on the blade? Yeah, yeah, pushing down on the blade and then it cut through the electric wire hook to the toaster. To give you a zap? Oh yeah, dude. Wow. Took a chunk out of the knife. Yeah, a big black chunk missing out of the knife and my arm just exploded backwards. Oh, holy fuck. You could be dead. I know. Two times in this podcast, blanket knife. Yeah, that's it. You also nearly killed Boz one night in New Year's. Marty had a sex style and he was hacking at it with a knife. I've got it on video and Boz comes up and thinks you're bashing someone. Oh! So he wants to get in on it and you're hitting away. And Dave, who sent us a stick, is like, watch for Bozly, watch for Bozly. And you go whack and he goes right near his head. Oh my God, I didn't even remember that. Yeah, I've got a video. I'll try and film it. Oh my God, imagine. We've got a whole bunch of videos. We've got to resurface up. Yeah. We'll call it the resurface video. No, what we'll call it? I like tales of Bethlehem. Bethlehem tales, yeah, that's it. Just like sitting and talking. Yeah. About how good the times used to be. Now look. Now you've got a brownery. This is fucking great. And he's all right. He's got no joints left. A blue. It's a blue house. Strap me. A blue brownery. Anyway. A blue brown. This is blue. Is it? A house, yeah. All right. Let's do a fucking prank call. Your time is there for us to waste. Picking up your phone was your first mistake. Ha ha ha ha ha. It's prank call time. Good. Give me a chance so I can help. Ah, hello. My name is Martin. Is there one that can speak a little German? Sorry? Is there a German there? Sorry, I can't understand. Wait a little bit. Oh, God, no, no, no. Can you please tell me? Yes. Hi. Hello. Is this, is it? Sorry, my brother is German. What's, who's this? Yeah. This is a Bavarian restaurant in terms of the food. I would like to have a arm bread here. Maybe tomorrow night. Oh, my brother's wanting to book a table. Sorry, he's German. Yeah, that's fine. I'm ready to book it, right? Have you got a German? Actually, who wants a German employee? Have you got a German employee? Sorry, I'm just busy. You don't have a German there? Bavarian? How can you say that if you don't have a German? He's upset because of... Yeah, if you want to make German food, because you have to have a German there, that can't be true. Yeah, sorry. He's just a bit... Yeah, he's just gotten to Australia. That's okay. I do have a German employee here, but they're born and brought up here, so they don't speak German there. Oh, they don't? Okay, all right. Yeah, yeah. They are born and brought up here so they speak German. I don't know. What the hell is this? I don't think so. Yeah, so... A bit of beer. Alberto. A bit of beer. Sorry, sorry. He's just... Oh, my neck hurts. Oh, my neck hurts for me. My neck hurts for me. Oh, flies. I have a fly in my eye. So, yeah, I guess we'll get him on table. He's just maybe not tonight, but yeah, so you guys got... Fuck me on my ass. Hey, fuck me on my ass, you little... Hey, fuck me on my ass. Albert. Hello. Yeah, so can we book a table for tomorrow night? Sorry, he'll... Yeah, right? So there's no German... How many people? Is it German food he wants to know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got Pogtacopo, Berlin, so... Schnitzel. Schnitzel? Yeah. Have you heard of schlitzel? Oh, yeah. A bit of schlitzel for breakfast tomorrow. Mmm, a bit of resting schlitzel. What are you talking about? Yes, yes, yes, Albert. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. German? What else German do they have? Yeah, just... What else German? We've got German beers, German schnapps. Schnapps? Schnapps is... Schnapps is... Oh, yeah, I'm a bit schnapps, but... Oh... I don't know, schnapps or whatever. Yeah, I guess we'll get that. Tomorrow... Do you have to make a booking? No, no, you can just have to pay on the spot. What other German foods do they have? What other... So we've got Knuckle, Pogtacopo, Berlin, we've got Schmacknald, which is Pogtacopo, German schnitzels, German schnapps. It's like a tasting platter. Oh, schnitzel, yeah, a bit of schnitzel with my beer. What kind of beer? What kind of German beers do they have? Yeah, what beers do you have, mate? German beers. My delivery comes at first. But I've got four different German beers. It's got Kaisendorf-Calibur... Oh, Kaisendorf-Calibur, yeah! Oh, Lombrau! Yeah, yeah, please! Lombrau-Calibur! Oh, McLeanlager! Yeah, please! With schnapps! With schnapps and schnitzel, please! Yeah, alright. Well, I guess we'll see you tomorrow night, mate. That's great. Thank you very much. No worries, mate. So good. Thank you. Kaisendorf! Kaisendorf! Gotcha. Oh, my God, dude. Has that realised halfway through I can't talk German back? Yeah, I realised that too. So I just gave up on trying and started saying things in English. Oh, fuck me, dude. That was... We wasted that many seconds. At least we know now, if you want to go to the Bavarian, they've got all those... All that food there. Yeah, free bloody press for the free bloody advertising. The German. We helped. But yeah, man, was that all German that you were saying? Yeah, yeah. That wasn't gibberish. Some of it towards the end was, yeah, gibberish. I love the break into English, real direct English. Yeah, what kind of beers do they have? What kind of beers do they have? Oh, yeah, he heard two different voices. You're just saying what he's already hearing again. Oh, my God. Michael trying to, like, losing it a bit and then having to come back. Very good. Yeah, very, very, very good. Welcome, Albert. Anyway, alright guys. That is the end of episode number 23. I got age-restricted, so just remember to search our channel. There's probably heaps of episodes you've missed because all the age-restricted episodes don't get any views and shit. It's pretty funny when that happens. We all sit down and laugh and shit. What should we do? Any suggestions of what we should do? Look, smoke bongs, man. Smoke bongs and hang out more. Yeah, I think that's a good plan. And play some worms. We'll see if we can get it figured out, alright? By the end of the season, we'll be squeaky clean. No more fuck jokes, nothing. Maybe we just reformat the podcast and just, like, do a book club or something. Yeah, it could be like a children's book. Sticker club, sticker club! Oh, my God. Too much, too much. Anyway, we'll see you later, guys. We're the best with the best. We're the best with the best. We're the best with the best. We're the best with the best. I have 18-year-olds only. Best. You have all the questions and we have all the answers and we've got lots of dances for you.