 This is power talk. I hope you are getting power from this conversation. I hope you are being empowered through this conversation. The hashtag is power talk show on Twitter at Ramaguko at Y254 channel. Today we are asking the question, are Xs for kids? Now let me head over to Facebook and see what people are saying. I'm with Fiji Mwenewe and Pastor Karibunisana. We are asking what people are saying on our Facebook platform. Kamatia. Kamatia wa tu. I'm seeing Rodriguez at the Benz Omoni. Your ex is calling you at 11pm and you accept. Riii. Jawel omwana wa joram. I'm watching from Ebulwanda Buñore. Koveto wa bura. Hey, what are you going to imagine? Burakwada. Apaloks nikiwa LD. It's right since you let her know every part of your greatest moves, by the way. Your part. Is it okay to keep in touch with them just for them to know that you're moving on? I say, watch this space. In five years I'll know it. That's already a sign you've not moved on. Kalale wayuna nikiwa kitale kibomet pamoja hadita mati. Bei de asli anaseh, asli anaseh ma watching from Macha. Masinde kutoka vumilia anaseh ma watching from Moshin Gichu County. Selektadivi anaseh ma songa bele kama injili. Songa bele kama injili. Faster. We shall sample them up. Remember, we also asked our viewers to send us a clip. Those clips are coming up in a bit. But now let's move on with this conversation. And I ask the question, what if your ex has a good rapport with your family members? What do you mean in that scenario? Let me start with that first. Well, I don't see the big deal if you were friends with my sister, if you were friends with my mom, if you were friends, you can stay friends with them, but I think I won't be in a space where you were there with them. What if your family members will put you under pressure? They will organize events and make sure that you are on the same table? I will have to tell them who side are you on here. Is it mine or no? So, on the same note, nabupenda, that's what you want him? When the kais involved. When the kais involved. Your ex has both your mother and a brand new prado homacities. But at the end of the day, the decision is mine. The reason is why that person is my ex. If he still wants to be friends with my family, that's up to him. If my family wants to be friends with him, that's also okay. You will not go and tell someone, I don't want you to be friends with him. They want to stay friends. As long as it's not interfering with me or my decisions or my plans, it's fine. Let me come to you Tiago. Your ex has a good rapport with your family and friends. How do you work your way through that? The best way is to be able to define yourself. Let everybody understand your principle and what you want for your own life. Again, they are friends with my family. They are not friends with me. You cannot stop anyone from being friends with whoever they want to be friends with. In this case, I would always say that it is upon you. Let us go back to where it began. By the time you are introducing them to your family, don't introduce to your family things which are not serious. Because you will always be having a problem. Because this family member will love this one. By the time you are coming, it will be chaotic. So, when you are beginning a relationship, think to the level where now you are bringing in your family, let it be something serious. But not for everyone. By the time you introduce them to your family, they must be serious. Because can you imagine, you are having about four exes. I don't have okay that especially for believers. I also give my stand as far as faith is concerned and relationship. But can you look at a scenario where you are having three exes and they all know your parents. They all know your family. They know your brothers. Your life will be chaotic. Okay, let me ask you another question. An ex, you are dating. But now in the course of you guys dating, they die. How do you move on from that? Because now we can just say that is your ex now. But not that mulekosana in the nature, before you could sort things out. But now, how do you handle that scenario? Let me come to you Fiji. Wow, well that's different. Because that's like you still in a relationship with someone and then all of a sudden they are not there anymore. You get it. So it takes time for you to accept the situation. First of all you will have to grieve. It takes time for you to accept and then now for you to move on. Maybe you feel because anyone who has ever lost someone who they are dating, they usually feel very guilty to move on. But you know it gets to a point you feel like this person has blessed you, has given you the blessing. Now you feel like you are okay to start seeing someone else. It takes time. It takes time. But will you move on? Most people do. Even in marriage, you might even be married to someone and maybe you're still young. Maybe it was an early marriage, you're still young and then you lose your partner. It happens but it takes time. It gets to a point where you feel like your partner has given you the blessing so you can now move on. Is it okay to move on? Now that you have his things in your house, property, everything, you made plans and now death tore you apart. How do you do it? Death is inevitable. It is a journey that each and every one of us will take at one point in life. That is the first fact to accept in life. Wherever you are in whatever relationship, be it at your workplace, no one day you will die. The most important thing is the process that you undertake after that person dies. Of course there was closeness but now they are not here anymore. Once you've accepted that fact, then you begin on the steps to recover from that we may call it trauma. You recover from the emotions that you had and you move on from there. Definitely, at one point you just have to move on. But the question is, how long do you give yourself before you say because you find someone... Take enough time? Yeah, people are different. Someone will even take 10 years. So people are different. Take enough time to grieve and to mourn because you know mourning is a process. After you've grieved and mourned, now begin to move on with life because it is important to do. I'm told the clips are ready because this conversation is going up to Mena Chinne so it was a sad mood. Let me change it again. You have tattooed the name of your ex on your skin. Chinne. Where? Udafazhani apu. Umedikatu apu ram aguko. Afizi. I don't judge people who tattoo names of their partners but... I see jai fikishu apu. Mapezi li iva. But when you get to that point because people do things, you know you can even move in together with someone and it doesn't work out. You still have to strategize what to do next because at the end of the day there are things that if it's meant to I quite happen, I quite happen. So if you tattooed someone's name you just figure out maybe you go and do a cover-up or something. Ogeza mawengini apu nani. Because if you're no longer together what's the essence of working around with someone's name on your body, you know. For them who have tattooed the names of their loved ones Ibizuri kupendam tu. But don't get to a place where you worship someone. You've never even tattooed the name of God or of a scripture on your skin. Why should you tattoo someone's name on yourself? Fiji ni wanokwa ma tattoo. Asya jinaim. You say jinau too. Nobody's son has taken me there. No. So it should not get to those levels. Love someone, express your love and emotions to them but don't get to a place of worshiping them. So you're saying tattooing someone is actually worshiping that person. That is too far. Tatu them in your heart. That is too far. Tatu them in your heart. What's the essence? Let's take a look at what people are saying. I still have so many questions that we have not covered. Let's take a look at what people said. Remember we asked the people to send a one minute clip of themselves and we'll take about our access for kips. Take a look. Good morning round. My name is Lamef from Kiambu County. My contribution is that you should be able to keep your ex. It is controversial but I believe that is the right thing to do because before the dating you were friends first and that friendship should be superior to the dating that you had. So after the experiment you must rekindle what you had before the experiment. That is friendship. Friendship withstands at the test of time and therefore after you fail to do what you wanted to do in your relationship you must go back to where it started and that is the friendship base should be able to keep your ex close but not so close to avoid some temptations that may come with some memories. Thank you. Hey. So access, access, access. Access are not for kips. For me when you leave you have left you cannot have your way back into my life even as a friend it's not supposed to be that way because if that person intended to be in your life they would still be in your life and they would not have left. So if they left they left and that's it being in communication you know sometimes you date someone just for a month or two months then you realize no we are not compatible that one cannot be an ex that one was just someone that you went and took coffee together and that's it. We are there on this farm Akiyenda meyenda We are meyenda I have left. I don't know let me just give you time to react to what people have said to viewers who have given their comments do you agree with what they said? The second lady I agree with her umtu Akiyenda meyenda When you close the chapter Songa the same way that guy said kama injili Like in this kwaenino sama kama injili Injili Injili Injili na nga vele Do you agree with what our viewers have said? I still maintain my position yeah salimia ex So for him and salimia ex just for his own beneficial security what to panda cheo what to panda cheo what to panda cheo at one point 10 years from now they are in the same school and then now on to another date ta se man Let me speaking of kupana cheo Let me try to say my words properly Let's say you are dating somebody and this person does not have the same abilities as your ex and here we are talking about you know the abilities that are that normally take place indoors closed door private activities what do you do in that scenario afeji so you come in the father yeah you come in the father well I think people are different you get you may find maybe your ex had the ability but kuna kitu ali wana kusia like there is something he lacked and maybe this person has that factor you get you just have to find the balance you know and you know what you can work with what you can't work with if it's something you can't work with I don't understand why you are dating that person if it's something you can work with people are different what why is it oshama yeah we are discussion here we are talking about now pastor what do you do your current one doesn't have the same ability to motivate you as the previous one what made you move to the current one what made you move to the current one you understand but these are things you cannot tell you are now inside you are in closed doors we realize oh they don't satisfy me as the previous one expectation it's a bit challenging from where is it allow me to be able to speak from where I sit please do as a believer we are not allowed to go about test driving you understand you are not allowed to go about test driving and therefore it means when you've set your expectation in any relationship it includes those private matters that you have highlighted you are not allowed to go about test driving you are not allowed to go about test driving and therefore it includes those private matters but of course someone must be well functional when you get into a relationship when you get into a relationship you will be able to convince the people in your relationship when they are in the relationship therefore it means when you find yourself in a relationship We just work through it that you make things work because the past is past but remember we do not advocate for doing what for test driving. You have something to add on that? I just agree with what he said that kufika wukambele and your expectations are lowered. You just have to work through with what you have because there is a reason why you started dating this person. Because you are not going to tell me if you find someone, if you find the expectations are lowered, you are not going to tell me you will go back. You will come and say you are not ready for the journey like kufika wukambele wana kubaya unarudi pahule. I don't know how easy. Let's talk about something else. The ex-fambele waza. They bought your house, they bought your car. They only financed everything that you now own. I'm talking about physical materials. You now have a good house, a good car. They even got your job. The money you earn, you owe it to them in a way. But now they are your ex. You've moved on, you're dating someone else. How do you handle such a scenario? Because now your ex will feel like they own you. It's like you are who you are because of them. I believe that when you're getting into a relationship with someone, nobody expects that you're going to break up at some point. So the moment you're in a relationship, you usually build each other. So there's no way somebody can get to a point of buying your house, buying your car, getting your job. If you've not built him as well, you get. So it's usually a 50-50. So it's like we've gotten to this point. We cannot go on with our relationship. We have to part ways. But whatever happened, happened. You built me, I built you. Let's go and separate ways. I'll go with the biblical principle. That do unto others what you'd like to be done unto you. And therefore I always say, look at life from the humane or from the humanity perspective. No matter the kind of investment you put in someone's life, just tell yourself that I'm a human being and I'm meant to do what I'm meant to help. You will move on faster. So anytime you want to help someone, first of all, leave alone the emotional part of it. Because the reason as to why people have access, it is because wali eka mambu mengine mbele, kuliko the relationship aspect. Remember there is no relationship with our closeness. You understand? So lile joto nulina sababisha ya kwa mambu mengine na fanya nini, ya na fuata. But if you respect the humane principle ram, just a minute first of all, if you respect the humane principle, ya kwa mba anything unafanya, unafanya first of all as a human being, before you attach any emotion to it, I believe it will be quick. But now we have people who now cry back to you and tell you that you must return everything that I gave to you. I made you who you are. You must pay back everything that I gave to you. I think that's a bit selfish. They were not doing it from akwa na fanya na ramoja, because initially when you are with someone, you don't look at it in terms of nita bine fitini ni kwae relationship. You get it. You are just being supportive to your partner the way he wants you to be supportive. You get the same way he is being supportive to you. So if things go south and mnamu waku break up, I think it's just you accept and then you say, I support you from where we are. You move on from there. I think the people who usually ask back for what they bought, I feel it's a bit selfish. And some of them end up insulting you. Announcing to each and everybody. That is why you had me mention kama uliachi wangu una ex kwa sababu rezabasi wilem zapata na kwa shere mimoja. You go to one party. And then he goes around telling everyone in the party kwa nuna wile. Nimi nili fanya nimi nili nunua. But just as she said, it is a bit childish. Niu toto kuenda kuh claim back the things that you gave an ex. No matter how expensive it is. Okay. Still I have a lot of questions. Let's talk about information. You are now dating somebody. Should your ex be aware about your current expeditions? Should you keep information from your ex? Information how? Information. What you're doing, what you're working, how your day is going. When you talk to your ex and you say, how are you? You pour yourself or should you have restrictions as to your daily routine? It's all about. It still comes down to boundaries. The same way we spoke before. Because if we are no longer together, I don't see the essence of you knowing where I am, what I'm doing. You could be a psycho. I could be telling you information about what I'm doing and maybe where we left our relationship. Maybe you're still bitter. I don't see the essence of you telling your ex every single thing that you're doing in your life. It just comes down to boundaries. What are we talking about? Are we talking about school? Let's talk about school. Are we talking about work? Let's talk about work. Are we talking about, you know, we come down to boundaries. Pasta, your ex texts you 5 years later or 10 years or even a few months later. Just checking up. How are you? What are you up to? Do you say it's none of your business? You don't say it's none of your business. Remember this is someone that you once had a relationship with. And the level of engagement, it may be different. There's information you cannot give to them. There's the deeper information you cannot give to them because there are different levels of friendships. We have constituents. We have comrades. And there are those who are confidence. So at one point probably they were your confidence. You understand? But when you parted ways they began to move from the inner circle to the outermost circle. So you will see the information depending on where you want the relationship to remain. So yes, there are boundaries but you cannot be able to deny them the basic information. You give them encouragement. They have to move on with the life. Encourage them in one way. Send them a devotional. Send them a devotional. Send them a devotional. Lakin you see what can yell. Your ex sends you a text at 5 a.m. Your partner sees it. Who is texting you? Maybe it could be just about some non-issue, a work-related issue or something. Should you be concerned as a partner that your current person is receiving messages from the ex even though it's completely not relationship connected or something? Ram, one thing I want you to know is I want everyone to know, the viewers, that there is no relationship which is absolute. Insecurities are always there. You understand? So it depends on the level of confidence you have built with the current partner you are having at that moment. If they have confidence with you, they can allow you to go and sit in a restaurant with your ex believing there is nothing that will take place. Your partner, all the exes you have. It is very important to unleash skeletons from the closet, but do it very, very carefully. Unleash one by one. You understand? That is what I tell people. Whenever you meet a new partner, make sure any skeleton you have in your closet begin to release one by one. Yes. Not all at once. Not all at once it will be chaotic. Ya, I feel it is necessary because what if something happens in the future and then you know it is going to build some trust issues. Your partner will be like you would have told me this, you would have told me this, you would have told me this. So I feel like if you have an ex, maybe that you are still talking to your partner needs to know. They should know all your exes. Not all your exes, but could not bring in exes. They should know that maybe the major people that mattered in your life, people that you really people that were really special in your life. Amongst your exes. Should you block them? If it's necessary. If they are both. If they are both. Yes, some can just decide to make your life a nightmare. Ya. Or maybe they have not moved on. So that is why I say depending on maturity when we began the show. Depending on maturity, you understand. It will determine whether you will block them or whether you will be able to continue with the engagement. I have another case in Narehu. I have so many. Should you be bothered when your ex move on so fast? A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Because people take time to if somebody was really special in your life, you are not just going to let go in a minute and hop on to the next one. It takes time for you to heal. Everyone gets devastated. You might not be interested in that relationship but the moment you realize this person is not in my life anymore takes you time to heal. It takes you time to accept. You get. Which you said that time depends on a person. What if ya, time ya came asha? That means alianda kumugun kitam woende haoko So maybe the moment wulukunafkiri ya you guys are still in a relationship he had started moving on Meaning the break up started way before you Ya ya So when you see your partner has moved on very fast Ya wulukua peke ya kwa Hey, shouldn't be bothered on your past day when your ex move on so fast You should not be bothered Ya Because one is you also want to move on Ya If you call it both quits Ya Then it should not bother you that they moved on so fast Unless you still have some emotional attachments One thing that I always advise people Once you've gotten out of a relationship Ya Once you've gotten out of a relationship Take your time First of all Because if you fail to do that The mistakes you made in the past relationship You are here to make them again And then the ex factor will be an issue in your life for good So don't be offended that someone has moved on Learn a lesson from it Yes, learn something from that We are coming to the close of this But let's close with you Afiji You are an artist Ya Ya butu pati zia leta song that you have so far Ya I have a song in itwa niko tayari Niko tayari Niko tayari is basically a song about commitment So I don't wait back I think in early 2020 So it's basically I'm just trying to represent the ladies Who are ready to commit Ready to settle down Ready to be with one person It's all about commitment Okay Ya Alright And you can give a hand To the ladies who are ready to commit Ready to settle down Ready to be with one person It's all about commitment And you can give us a line in that song Sendio Ya So I'll give you time to sing that But thank you very much Pastor Tiago For being with us Today I was with Edwin Tiago He's a pastor, a mentor and trainer With Virginia Afiji Obonyo An artist, a TV and radio host That was us to the end of power talk this morning It has been a pleasure Our excess for kips Well Cut a repeat of this show again Tonight at 10pm Every Thursday at 10pm Cut a repeat of this particular show I would like to end with this quote here That says Being friends with your ex Is like keeping an empty wine bottle in your fridge You get nothing from it And it takes up space For something new Well That brings us to the end of power talk This has been power talk show Right here on Y254 God bless you Have a fantastic day And thank you very much for keeping it Y254 Afiji Malzaki Pindi With your song there Hi guys I have a brand new song It's called Nikotayari It's on all platforms So I'm just going to give you a small Beat of the song Nikotayari kusema Nikonawe Usini ya chemo ya wakudai Ya Thank you Thank you very much for keeping it power talk See you again next Thursday right here On Y254 This is power talk