 when the narcissist finally loses control of you. If you've been with the narcissist for a long period of time you should already know they're not going to react well when they feel like they can no longer control you. Their value is based on other people's views of them. They have very low self esteem so they need you to admire them. They need constant attention and validation and if you don't willingly give it to them they will manipulate you. They will intimidate you. They will make you feel guilty. They will do whatever it takes to get it. They are very envious. They are shame-based people who are doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame but they will often engage in very shameful acts in an attempt to escape their feelings of shame. They will devalue you. They will discard you. They will punish you which will only push you away even more. It will only cause them to lose control of you and when that happens they may come back with a false epiphany. They may come back with a fake apology but they're not really sorry for anything they've done. They don't care about the effects their actions have had on you. They just don't want to deal with the consequences of their actions. They don't want you to see them that way so that's really what they're trying to change. They're trying to change your perspective of them rather than them trying to change themselves in order to be better for you. They will always have some excuse for their behavior. They will always find a way to blame you for it as though it was in response to something you said or did. They never take responsibility for their actions which is why they never change. They always go back to doing the same things again or they might find a different way of doing it but usually when you catch them out on something they won't admit the truth. They will deny it. They can't even admit their own faults and mistakes to themselves so they're not going to admit it to you. They lie to themselves all the time so how could they ever be honest with anyone? Instead they will accuse you of doing something wrong. They will shift the blame onto you. They will deliberately misread you. They will act like something you said or did was wrong. To take the focus of their own toxic behaviors and they can seem very skilled in the way that they do this because they've been doing this for a very long time. They've had a lot of practice to perfect their craft of manipulation which is how they may leave you doubting yourself. You may think that you got it wrong especially if the narcissist has managed to start a smear campaign on you but they have managed to isolate you and leave you without any sources of validation. When the narcissist loses control of you they will always find a reason to be involved with your family and friends. They will always find a way to be enmeshed in your life and they will turn your family and friends into the flying monkeys. They would rather destroy you directly but once they've lost the ability to do that their only option is to use other people to get to you because they have to punish you for everything you saw wrong with them. The narcissist feels entitled to do whatever they want with you and they expect you to put up with it. They believe that you deserve to be mistreated which is why they will sometimes become violent or damage your property or they will spread rumors about you because they're trying to regain some sense of power and control over you. They're trying to punish you. They're trying to teach you a lesson but if that doesn't work they will try to create a trauma bond with you. They will try to make you dependent on them for something even while they are abusing you or they will become dependent on you to prevent you from leaving because of children or because they don't have money or place to stay. They will do anything they can to prevent you from being free from external influence and control. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonates with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you would like to donate my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries. You can email me at coachingatnarksurvivor.co.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.