 So one of the things that I've noticed a lot in our community is that there are a lot of women who are accidentally kind of pushing men away or repelling men or they do things where they're not even really aware that they're kind of showing red flags and signs that might give a guy pause to make him feel like maybe they're not the right woman for him. And so today I wanted to talk about 15 different things. I know there's a lot of them that repel good men and my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. I have a friend of mine here with me today to actually talk about all this stuff. He is actually single. I know what you're thinking right now. You're thinking, man, you've got this amazingly handsome gentleman here with you on the broadcast. How can I pay attention when I'm looking at this amazingly beautiful man, Patrick? But really one of the reasons I brought him on here is because he's a really good guy and there's a lot of things about him that's really, really awesome. Besides his history, which he's a retired Marine Corps officer, he worked at the Pentagon and he can kind of talk more about these experiences if he wants to during this. And he's just an over all around really good guy. He's Catholic, he's a really good man. And so I wanted to bring him on here to discuss with you some of the things that his thoughts are about different subjects and who he is and what's going on. But so what are these 15 things that repel good men? And so the first one that I wanted to speak to, oh, by the way, say hello, Patrick, if you could. Hi, yeah, thanks, Matt. I just want to say I really appreciate you having me on your show here. This is a real honor and it's great to be friends with you and it's great to have an opportunity to meet some of the women that you help. Awesome, thank you. And absolutely, you are welcome to be here and thank you for being a part of this because it's cool to have different people's perspectives on and bring some other people that I know we share a lot of values and there's some values that we don't share. And so I thought that it would be really good to bring your perspective on some of these things. So number one, the first one that we're going to be talking about and is value misalignment. And so did you want to talk a little bit about this one, Patrick's actually the one who brought this one up. Yeah, absolutely, I can do that. So value misalignment I think is kind of, it's a broad thing. First, let me just tell you, I come from kind of rural Pennsylvania so and I live in Washington DC right now. And as you can imagine, the values that I had growing up are a little bit different than probably the more common values that you'll find in a more cosmopolitan city in America. So for me personally, I found that this was a really important thing when I moved here to Washington DC. And what I'll say is that values to me are important because if you're looking at potentially having a relationship with someone, you want to look at the long-term effects, you want to look at whether or not it'll last well over a long period of time. And what I'll say too is that this isn't to downplay in any way the natural attraction that you have for a member of the opposite sex. If you're really attracted to a guy or guys really attracted to a girl, like women that I've been attracted to, that isn't to say that that stuff isn't important. It's very important. It's just that for me, I have to have both of them together because if you have one and not the other, then it generally isn't gonna work. And the reason why is because you know, you need to be excited about each other, but at the same time, you need to have shared values so that you're able to really, you're headed in the same direction. Does that kind of give a broad overview? Yeah, absolutely. And if we wanted to get a little bit more specific, values are things that a lot of times they're deal breakers, right? Like religion or children, whether you want children or whether somebody is in alignment with you in regards to health, right? Are they doing things that are in alignment with health? For some people, that's a deal breaker. And so, you know, where are the two of you growing in life? That's a really huge one that I've found because if a man looks at a woman and he doesn't feel like the two of you can grow together and that you're going kind of in a same direction so that at least, you know, relatively same direction, you know, can I even see this person in my long-term future or not? And so one of the things Patrick talked about was pursuing, finding a woman who's at the very least pursuing spiritual growth or spirituality. And Patrick's Catholic, although he was mentioning that it's not even necessarily that she needs to be Catholic. Is that right? That's right, yeah. So to kind of follow up on what you said there, Matt, something that's really important to me is that the woman that I would be in a relationship with would wanna develop her relationship with God or whatever she calls that, right? She may not necessarily call it God but just kind of a higher power or a belief in that. And that's something that she wants to develop her relationship with, right? Her relationship with me is important but I'm looking to her to also want a relationship with God and wanna develop that. And that can be in a number of different ways, right? Meditation, prayer, doing just works a charity. And so how everybody does that may be a little bit different but at least putting a value on that to me is very important. And somebody who doesn't value that at all, that would be hard for me to be in a relationship with someone like that. Yeah, absolutely. For sure. So number two is negativity. And so one of the things that I get sometimes is women that are just really kind of stuck in being negative. And one of the things that you have to think about is that negative people attract negative people and it kind of repels everyone else. And don't get me wrong, right? We all have our problems. And but most guys, they don't want to start pulling on your problems as well, right? And start like constantly hearing about problems all the time and I've heard this before and I've seen this for sure. And it's one of those things like, so Patrick, how does it make you feel when you're around a woman who's negative all the time? Okay. If I'm around, so let me just say that I could be on a date with a woman and she could say to me something negative, right? Like maybe she had a really bad day or maybe just something didn't go her way. And I actually can be okay with that. Like if she just mentioned something that maybe is negative when I'm just getting to know her, I'm okay with that because that's something that maybe is just something that happened recently. I think what it is for me is when it's constant, right? It's like that's all they talk about is negativity. Then you have to say, okay, hey, here I've been with this person for less than an hour and whenever asked them something about themselves they just want to talk about something negative. That's a good indication to you that that probably isn't gonna be somebody that you're compatible with. And so you're right. Definitely at least if you're having a bad experience being able to see some light in that or something positive in that maybe that you learned. So even if you're feeling bad, you feel like saying something negative, I would encourage you to just try to look at it from the perspective of, hey, maybe I learned something from this and I can share that with someone that I'm on a date with. That's some great advice there, Patrick. And one thing I just wanted to throw in there as well is when you're negative, there's this thing called anchoring. And when if you're being negative all the time and you're constantly stuck in this negativity, even if you're around somebody who's also negative and they love negativity, what's gonna end up happening is you're going to create an anchor with them where they feel negative when they're around you and you feel negative when you're around them and that's gonna cause problems. And so every time you see each other, you're gonna feel negative and ultimately it's going to destroy any kind of relationship that you have with each other just because of that. Totally. And so number three, moving on here. Number three is overly critical, putting him down. So most guys they want to feel like they're doing a really good job when they go out on a date. Like they're doing well. And so one of the things that I've kind of seen out there before and there's kind of a cultural element to this as well, but there's this thing called like guy chick humor, right? Where sometimes women who are around guys a lot, they'll end up kind of developing this sarcastic tone about themselves and they try to do this thing where a lot of guys when they hang out they'll like kind of bust on each other or whatever. And I've seen that women do that sometimes when they go out on dates where they'll just like make fun of each other all the time. And like for most guys, I don't think most guys want to experience that all the time. Like sometimes it's okay, sometimes, you know, whatever, but if you're doing it all the time, it kind of turns into this thing where it's like, you know, I think for, maybe you can speak to this Patrick, but I think for some people, it's like, you know, they feel like they can't even really open up because they're just waiting to be made fun of again. Definitely, yeah. Good point you brought up, Matt. You know, so I obviously, I spent some time in the Marine Corps and got used to a culture of, hey, we would bust each other's balls all the time, right? So kind of male on male humor was almost constantly making fun of each other. I would say as a rule, as a general rule, like when I go on a date and if a woman will bust on me, I'm okay with that. Like I kind of think it's fun and funny and I'll kind of maybe ban her back a little bit with her and see where she's at, you know? But I would think that if you're going to do that, you should be willing to accept that kind of humor too. Like don't be ball busting. And then at the same time, you know, feel like you're really offended if somebody tries to tease you back because it's just, it just creates a dynamic where it's a little bit difficult to communicate. I would agree with you too, Matt, that, you know, if I'm out with a girl, if I'm getting to know her really well, even if I've gone on several dates, if the ball busting is constant, it can be fun, but it can be a little bit shallow too. It's like you're just, it's constant humor or constant sarcasm. And at some point, you're going to have to have a real conversation with them. And so that's, I think, follows up well on your comment about, you know, not always, you know, using this kind of humor, because it's okay, it's like a spice, you know, you want to kind of throw it in there every now and then, and have fun with it. But when it's constant, it's kind of overdone. Yeah, yeah. For sure. All right, let's move to number four. Number four is expectations and mind reading, which is we were talking about this a little bit earlier and it's kind of a more kind of wide base of things, but thinking he should know what you want to do or how you work or what you think he should be doing, right? Every woman has different, I hear this all the time where women will say things like, men know what they should be doing, they're not doing it though, or, you know, whatever, right? And it's kind of one of those things, we all have unique personalities, our own likes and dislikes, our own expectations and stuff about how, you know, we want to experience the relationship or a dating experience. What do you have to say about this, Patrick? Okay, so this is actually one of my favorites because I can tell you that without a doubt, I do prefer to date women that tell me how they feel right away. And by that I'm saying that if something comes up on their mind, they're gonna tell me immediately, including if it bothers them. And while to some guys, and even to me sometimes, it can be a little bit irritating and that's okay. I find that much better because the lines of communication are open and she's getting it off her chest right away. She's telling me right away because the opposite of that is kind of bottling it up. I'm not gonna say anything because I don't want to upset him or upset the apple cart. And then it kind of builds over time. And then there's this maybe resentment or anger that builds over time. And then it comes out at some point and it's something that takes a lot more time to recover from. Instead of just bringing it up right away where we can address it immediately. And if I said something maybe where I came across offensive or something, I can apologize right away or the same for her. But I just feel like communication is so important. And when it breaks down too, the willingness to repair it, right? It's like if there was a misunderstanding, just the willingness to say, you know what, I'm gonna give her the benefit of the doubt or I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say, I can see it that way. And be willing to say, hey, let's really repair this, let's fix it and move on. Not to dwell on anything that really either wasn't intended or is easy to fix, if that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, open communication. I mean, it's one of those things where I hear this a lot in our community where women are like, okay, she's like trying to figure out what a guy means or she's trying to like figure out these clues or they'll be like, okay, what's he trying to tell me? And it's like, how about you talk to him? I mean, have you tried talking to him about this? And it's one of those things, we can play private detective or whatever, private eye and look for clues and try to discover what's going on and make up all these stories about it and all this kind of stuff where we can just like talk to each other like human beings and figure out what's going on. And I found that that's far more valuable to relationships, to me, to everybody. Definitely. You know, something I can add to that real quick was I think generally, culturally, there's a little bit more of a stigma attached to a woman being upfront about something than a man being upfront about it, right? Because women, it's as if they can't just come right out and say something. And I would say that, especially if you're already in a relationship, it's good to do that. And even if you're not, even if you're just meeting someone, if you like a guy, ask him out. Don't feel like he has to ask you out. Or make yourself, make it clear to him that you're interested in some way, even if you aren't directly asking him out. If you're not comfortable with doing that, just make it clear to him that you're interested and that'll definitely, if he isn't too much of a don, he'll be able to figure out whether or not you're interested in, yeah. I've been playing as Nazar, I didn't, when I was younger, I didn't get a clue. So that's my experience. No, I trust me, I totally know. And I talk about this a lot, right? It's the attainability thing, right? A lot of women sometimes they're so kind of caught up in leaning back and not showing too much interest and all this stuff that what ends up happening is that the guy doesn't even realize she's interested in them. Exactly. And so he's like, oh, I thought you weren't interested and that's why I didn't ask her out on another date because I had no idea she wanted to go on another day. And some women, and we were gonna talk about this a little bit more in a minute here. So I'm just gonna keep moving forward. All right, so number five is never happy, right? Nothing I can do will ever make you happy. And I mean, there's a whole lot of reasons why this is kind of a bad thing. And one of the big ones is that is that guys wanna make women happy, right? If a woman is easy to make happy, he will feel better about himself, right? Because a lot of guys, and I think it's kind of on a subconscious level, is we're trying to bring them through a good experience. And we wanna show them that we're a good man and that we can, we'll make sure that they're safe and protected and that they're feeling good and that they're having a great experience with them, right, and you're taking care of that. And so if it's really difficult, like you're never, ever happy, it's like for a lot of guys, they'll feel like they're drained, like there's nothing they can ever do. Like it's never gonna work because it's just too exhausting to be around you. Yep, yep, I would say that's something that's really important, Matt, is the idea that when I think about being in a relationship with a woman, it's like, I'm gonna take care of her. I'm totally going to, whatever experience we're going through, it's like sometimes I really wanna plan it out, so it just goes really, really well. So she has a wonderful experience, but we're having a great experience together. And when I've been in relationships too before where you try to do that and it was just very difficult for her to be happy. And to a certain degree, some of that is beyond your control as a man, right? Because it's like happiness, at the end of the day, happiness really is a decision. And just being happy with what you have, I think is really critical. Even if it doesn't always go the way you planned it to go, but always being able to see the positive in that. And I think sometimes that definitely can drive a good guy away if he's trying to put a lot of effort into something to really make it well for her, for both of them. And she just doesn't really see the value in it. But I'm sure that it's the same way with women too. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And that's one of those things. Like we're talking about what turns men off, but a lot of these things turn women off as well. And we're talking to women so that doesn't always get brought up, but I do wanna bring that up. So we're on number six. And number six is she needs to be right, right? Huge turnoff, fighting to prove that she's right all the time, getting stuck on something just to show that she's right. And really more than anything, this is kind of a maturity thing. And I think not necessarily the older you get, but the more mature you get, the more you realize that you're probably wrong a lot. I used to think I was right all the time. And then reality started hitting me. And it was like, oh yeah, I guess I'm not right. And it can be hard to let go of that, right? It can be really difficult, which is why it's such a maturity type of thing. Absolutely, yeah. You know, something that I remember when I learned it several years ago, but I didn't really take it to heart until a little while after that was seeing value in conversation kind of for its own sake, right? Like I go into a conversation or into a discussion or even a spirited debate with someone looking to learn something. And I really want to challenge, like I really value someone who is open to learning and is open to challenging their beliefs because I'm open to challenging mine. And I want to hear what someone has to say, even if it's something that I may kind of right off the bat feel like I disagree with, I'm still going to listen to them, especially if I'm friends with them or I care about them. I'm going to want to hear them out because they believe very strongly about something I want to hear them. But I always remember the principle. What was it was it's not, it's what's right, it's not who's right. And I kind of always stuck with me because then I said, you know what, that's a really good principle to live by because then when I sit down and have a discussion with someone, it's more fulfilling. You know, it's like, okay, I can be wrong. You know, I can be wrong a lot. You know, I'd probably be wrong most of the time. And still you gain so much value when you open yourself up to the possibility of being wrong that when you're with someone who can't be that way, it's just difficult to have a conversation. You can still gain value from a conversation with them, but it's just more difficult. Yeah, for sure. For sure, but it's, yeah, when, yeah, I mean, I could talk about that all day long. So we'll just move on to the next one. All right, so trying to lock him down way too early. This is number seven, trying to lock him down too early. So I've seen this one in so many different forms, rear it's ugly head. And, you know, one of them is like talking online, but you want to be exclusive already, right? Like you're just talking, you guys are just talking online and the woman's like, you know, well, I don't talk to more than one person at a time. And, you know, so you better, and it's like, you know, I've had women tell me that they were ghosted by a guy and I'm like, well, how much, you know, did you talk to each other? And you're like, oh, well, he asked me a question online and you're like, was that it? Was that the whole thing? She's like, yeah, now he ghosted me. And you're like, okay. So, you know what I mean? It's like, is that even ghosting really? Or like two weeks in and you're asking him what you are to each other or trying to put a label on him too soon. That can just, it can just come off as really desperate, really clingy, really, like you don't see your own value and like you're so desperate to get some guy in the spot of my boyfriend that you're like just grabbing him and putting him there. He broke up with me on Instagram. I was expecting it on Facebook. Right, right, exactly. Yeah, you know, Matt, I think it's a good point to bring up because I'm trying to think here, you know, like if I met someone that I really like and even if a couple of weeks into it, they may mention some things about potentially a relationship, that wouldn't drive me away. Like just them bringing it up wouldn't drive me away. But what I would say is that if they're, like you're saying, if they just met you online and your online communication is the only thing you've had or if you've met and gone on a couple of dates and they're immediately, I guess, maybe trying to become a little bit controlling, that could be an indication of a problem. And it's just, it's not necessarily that it would drive me away right away, but it's kind of an indication of, is this person, are they happy being alone by themselves already? And that's something too that I think I look for is, is this person happy with their life already? And if they're not, like, do they need to be in a relationship in order to be happy? Because if they have to be in a relationship, that probably isn't good for either of you. Right, yeah. No, and one of the things I wanted to point out that Patrick just said here was he was talking about, like, bringing up this conversation of what she's looking for. And notice how he said, notice that he said that he wouldn't be totally turned off if you were talking about the fact that you were looking for a relationship. And why is that, right? Why is that? It's because Patrick himself is looking for a relationship. And so it's not like it's gonna freak him out, like, oh, you're looking for a relationship. I'm looking for a relationship. Like, it's normal conversation to have. And it's a concern if you bring that conversation up and he starts freaking out and he's like, oh my gosh, he wants a relationship and then he like starts running out the door, right? That is concerning. That's a real concern to have because it shows that he's not actually looking for that. And so that, you know, it's, and you can convince a guy of this if you really want to, but I'd suggest staying away from that strategy. Yep. So, all right, so let's go on to the next one. Number eight is judging him without knowing him. So people make meaning out of everything, right? And I hear this all the time, women kind of looking at different things and being like, there's a conversation in our community the other day where this woman posted these text messages from this guy and it was literally like, hey, what's up? Haven't talked to you in a while, like we should meet up for a drink. And there's like these comments that were like, you know, he's just a player and he's just looking to hook up and he's, you know, this and he's that. And I'm like, how did you get that out of those three lines of text that he sent? You know, it's just, it can be a huge turnoff, right? Especially if you're kind of turning this guy into all of your ex-boyfriends that you hate and, you know, throwing that onto him and making all this meaning out of it and stuff. And there's a beautiful thing that one of the women in our community said today. And it was something about how you shouldn't, you shouldn't have a conversation living in the past, but instead to have a conversation coming from the moment. And what she was talking about was how a lot of people will drag their past into their conversation and then just judge people with it. And it can just be a massive turnoff. Definitely. Yeah, absolutely. You know, one example I can think of was I've had a date with a gal and it was, it went really well. And I had to go because I had some, I had, you know, another commitment that I had to go to and I had to get going. And I, and she said, well, hey, you know, can I, you know, as we're parting ways, you know, we had met via dating app. And she said, hey, can I, can I get your number? And I said, yeah, let me just, let me just message it to you. Right. And because we were, I was kind of in a rush and I did end up messaging it to her, but it wasn't, you know, the messages that I got later from her were, you know, kind of like freaking out. It was a red flag. She thought I was married, you know, and cheating on my wife. And, you know, I just didn't want her into my life because this is all that past experience that she'd had and she was dragging that forward. And so I had to, you know, kind of talk about that a little bit, but that's something that's just, yeah, it can be, you know, definitely live in the present and give each person essentially, you know, the fair shake that they deserve, give each person that credit upfront, you know? Yep. Yep. Absolutely. That situation that you just mentioned, I've heard so many different women mention something exactly like that, right? They're like, oh, this happened, that means, and then they go into that meaning making thing where they're talking about how he's married and he's cheating on his wife and he's got, you know, you know, four different flings that he's hooking up with and it's all like, what are you talking about? So, all right, so number nine, number nine is you're pretty, but you're not interesting. I know, first off, I want to say none of the women in our community are like this, right? The women in our community are the most beautiful, interesting, amazing women that you'll ever meet in your life. And so, one thing I wanted to mention on how to be interesting here real quick, because a lot of times people, they don't, I mean, it's not always necessarily a deal breaker that you're like some amazing person that's got all these, you know, great stories to tell or whatever, because there's two ways to be interesting. The first one is to have interesting things to say. And the second one is to be interested in him, right? Interested in another person, becoming curious. And it's amazing how much somebody, when you're interested in them, will think that you're interesting just because you're so curious about them and talking about what's going on with them and present to them and actually building a real connection with them. Absolutely, in fact, I mean, who does everybody enjoy talking about the most? Themselves. Themselves, right? And so it's like, I mean, if you go on a date and you meet a guy that you really like and you ask him to talk to you to tell you about himself, that alone is going to increase his attraction for you. You know, the other thing too is that, I think sometimes both men and women think they have to be this like amazing conversationalist. Like you gotta be so witty, you know, you have to be the equivalent of a stand-up comedian. And it's like quite the opposite. It's everyone, everyone. I haven't met a single person that I have not found interesting in some way. You know, but some people just need to be willing to kind of come out of their shell, right? And in my experience, it seems that the majority of time when someone isn't interesting, it's because they just don't feel comfortable either talking about themselves, talking about an experience they had, or they're afraid that they're kind of gonna be put down for that. And I think that's something that you should definitely let go of. You know, if you go on a date with a guy, talk about yourself. You know, tell them a really zany experience you had, some adventure you went on when you were traveling. You know, you got, you know, you run a bus that almost, you know, crashed off a cliff, you know, in the Amazon somewhere. And you, you know, you saved everybody, or I mean, I don't know. Maybe that didn't actually happen to you, but. That's a really high bar for them to reach their Patrick. You're like, yeah, maybe you're hiding in the Amazon and a bus fell off a cliff and you saved everybody. But I'm not telling you to make something up. That actually would be a pretty good story. We should teach that one. Yeah, but I mean, you know, your point is that it, you know, you have things, most people have things that are going on. Most people, even if you, you haven't, you know, gone and traveled all over the world and done all these things, you have interesting parts of your personality and aspects that you are in your life. And you can open up about that stuff. And it's not always necessary that the person understands everything that you're even talking about. Necessarily, I've noticed that a lot of times I'll talk to people and they have no idea what I'm talking about, but they're having a great time in the conversation, right? Yeah. And so. All right, maybe we should move on to the next one here. All right. All right, so number 10 is you're unattainable, right? Not approachable, you reject a man and then saying that he's not man enough to continue pursuing you. I've heard this a lot, right? Or, you know, he doesn't feel like he can actually win you over or get into a relationship with you. This is what we were talking about before with the one where you like actually tell a guy that you're actually interested in him or you give him some clues or you let him know in some way. And I saw some women post in the comments, they're like, oh yeah, if I tell him he's interested then he just disappears and I never see him again. And it could be that you're doing something different than what we're talking about here. A lot of times I'll say like show a guy that you're interested in a woman's like, all right, then they write him like this five page love letter professing how they wanna be together for the rest of their lives and all that kind of stuff. And it's like, that's not what I was talking about. Oh man, yeah, and the same goes for guys too. I mean, it's like, I really think it's important that both men and women make themselves approachable and attainable because if you're not then a lot of people, a lot of great people, even if you don't end up being in a relationship with them, even if you just end up becoming friends with them or they're a connection of some other kind that brings value to your life. I mean, how incredible is that? It's like, I often think to myself if I can make myself more approachable that's gonna only increase the value in my life because I'm gonna meet more people and potentially meet more people that are not only are gonna bring value to my life but I'm gonna be able to impact them positively too because that's something that I'm really passionate about too and that is not just in my business but also in just in life in general is really taking care of those that depend on me. And it really does bring a lot of value to me and I know it does other people too. So for women in particular, if you can make yourself more approachable and even if that means making eye contact, smiling just really simple stuff to make it appear to the guy that you're interested in. Hey, it's an invitation for you to approach me. You can do a lot without you necessarily having to put a lot of risk out there if you will. Well, and I know we're gonna get some pushback on this one because there's gonna be some women that are like, oh, I get approached all the time. There's gonna be some women that are like, I don't want most guys to approach me and all that kind of stuff. And that's fine, and there's definitely a lot of different situations out there depending on who you are and what your situation is and what your experience is and what kind of the town you live in. I mean, there's real kind of restrictions and different things for every single person. And so it's one of those things where whenever you're listening to some of the stuff that we talk about, you have to think about it in your situation as well. So it's not necessarily blanket, you should be approaching dudes, right? Or chasing dudes or whatever, right? If you know my stuff, you know that I don't teach that anyway and that you want to have a man invest in you and you want to have him approaching you and moving towards you and all that kind of stuff. And at the same time, you can also give him indications that you're interested in him so that he'll keep doing it if he's a good guy and he likes you. The only guys that will continue to pursue you when you try to stop them and you reject them and all that kind of stuff are guys that are really aggressive. And then if you're complaining that all you do is attract players, then it's one of those things where it's like, maybe you should stop being so hard on good guys who will stop because they don't want to pursue a woman who's not interested in them and it's not a game to them and they're not trying to, you know, prove how much they can make a woman interested in them, right? They're looking for somebody who's interested in them as well and maybe she's not quite as interested but that can grow and build over time. And so guys a lot of times will, they'll just, you know if a good man sees a woman and she's like, hey, I'm not interested, he's like, okay, and he moves on, right? And so you have to know that because a lot of women out there kind of think men are like these confidence machines and they just go after what they want and if they didn't really want her badly, you know that's like, you know, that's not necessarily the case. And so it's just important to think about that kind of stuff, so. Totally. All right, so let's move on to number 11. Number 11 is immaturity, right? And so Patrick actually came up with this one. And so we were kind of talking about a woman that just kind of takes and the different levels of like somebody in a relationship and usually there's kind of like this level at the bottom where somebody is just like a taker and they just, they get into relationships just to take and take and take and take instead of growing and building something and giving and taking responsibility for themselves and the relationship. What did you want to say about that, Patrick? This I think is something that escapes a lot of people and that is that, and not necessarily for a bad reason. My impression is that a lot of people go to a relationship thinking, you know I really want to be in a relationship and I want to go to this so that I can get security, you know, that connection, you know with someone that I'm really attracted to. They're thinking a lot about what is it that they're going to get from the relationship. And I by no means am trying to say that you are not going to get from a relationship. You're going to get wonderful stuff from it and I encourage and I think it's awesome. However, one of the things that's important to me when I'm evaluating whether or not I'm going to be with someone long term is are they primarily coming to the relationship to get something or are they primarily coming to build something? Because if you're coming in with the attitude of I'm coming here to get something primarily as soon as there's any kind of dissonance and problem it's going to be a lot easier for them to say, you know, this isn't working, I'm just going to leave. And the challenge with that is that if you really want to invest your time in someone and build something, if you go in with the thought process of hey, I want to give to this and you know, I want to enhance this person's life because that's kind of the attitude I have when I enter a relationship. I say, you know what, I want to improve this woman's life. How do I do that? How do I make her a better, help her make herself a better person? Cause obviously she has to want better herself, you know? But how do I give to this? How do I, you know, cause that's the thing too. I feel like maybe to a certain degree the term love, right? It's thrown around a lot and love is a feeling. You know, it's that butterfly feeling that you have. Again, I'm not trying to say that the feelings of passion aren't incredible and great. They're awesome. But I really think of real love as commitment, right? It's a decision day in and day out that I am going to continue to love this person this day and then I'm gonna do it tomorrow and then I'm gonna do it the next day. You're doing it on a continuing basis and you're doing it to the point that you build something that becomes incredible. You know, and it's something though that's built over a long period of time and it takes patience and sometimes it's not easy. But your commitment to that is really what makes it work. Absolutely. Absolutely. Beautifully said there, Patrick. That was like poetry, like poetry. All right, so let's move on. Number 12. So lacking confidence, huge turn off constantly. The way that I'm kind of defining this one is constantly fishing for compliments or reassurance that you're okay or that you're what he wants, right? Like, am I really who you wanna be with? Are you gonna leave me? That kind of thing. It's just, it can get exhausting for a guy to experience that and listen to that and have to hear that over and over and over again. It's like, yes, yes, I hear who I want, yes, I love you. Yeah, I don't know what I'll be with you. Yeah, all right, and it just, it's painful. It's just a painful thing to experience for a guy. Right. Did you have anything you wanna say to that, Patrick? I liked the microphone in the face, that was cool. Trying to keep it interesting, I don't know. Yeah, you know, I would say, you know, it's, if someone, you know, lacks self-confidence, like if I'm dating somebody and they were a bit lacking in self-confidence, you know, I can deal with that, like it's okay. I think the problem comes in where they're so lacking in self-confidence that they're just incapable of really functioning on their own without you being there and encouraging them, right? Because then it's like, I mean, if you're gonna have a family together, I mean, I can't be, you know, it's like, you know, you're together, you know, here I'm kind of bringing up kids too, you know, obviously. Which isn't necessarily what all the women in here are looking for, but I'm just bringing up kind of from my perspective, right? Like, if I'm gonna have a family with somebody, then sometimes I'm like, am I trusting this woman with my children when I'm not there, you know? And so it's a lot about trust, too. And confidence is, it's more than just saying I can do it, right? It's or needing reassurance, but it's actually following through on what you say you're gonna do. It's about trust, you know? Yeah, so. No, absolutely, absolutely great, great points, great points there. All right, let's move on to number 13 here. So 13 is emasculation. And so these are things like telling him he's stupid, seeing all the things that you don't like in him, demanding things from him, refusing gifts from him, belittling his job, belittling his income, always rejecting his advances, asking him for help and then doing it your own way, talking down to him in public, micromanaging what he's doing. I could probably do a whole video on emasculation if I really wanted to. But it's just one of those things, like there's kind of this thing in America right now where it's kind of become cool to cut, like make fun of men and like dog on men. And I keep hearing it, like I keep going to these conferences and personal development seminars in the States. And I keep hearing people like making fun of men and I'm just like, oh, it's just so cringy every time I hear it. And most guys, they don't wanna experience that, you know, unless a guy is really low self-esteem and he's like, yo, I am kind of a pathetic human being. You know, unless he feels that way, he doesn't wanna hear you making fun of them all the time. Yeah, you know, like we said earlier, the banter is fun, right? But I mean, that's good humor and that's done in good taste. But if you meet someone, I mean, no woman would want this either, right? I mean, if a guy was really critical of a woman, like why would she wanna hang out with them? You know, and the same goes for a guy, like if she's just being negative constantly or telling him stuff and just constantly dissatisfied then it's just a drag, you know? And so, you know, dating and relationships need to be fun. And so sure, there are times where things don't necessarily, you know, go the way you want them to. And you should always, I think it's always important to be honest, but you know, honesty can be couched in a insured way so that you're not necessarily tearing the person down even though you're telling them how you feel. Right, absolutely, absolutely. For sure, for sure. And the emasculation thing kind of encompasses more than just kind of tearing them down and stuff. It's, but it is, and you know, everybody wants to be appreciated. Everybody wants to be loved. Everybody wants to feel good about themselves and, you know, just belittling people or making fun of them, especially men in terms of things that make them feel like men, which a lot of people kind of do because they know that it hurts and it's kind of become this okay thing. I'm not gonna harp on that anymore. Let's move on. So number 14 is arguing about everything. And so every conversation turns into an argument and you're just constantly arguing back and forth about everything all the time. I don't know, have you ever experienced this before, Badger? You know, it's interesting. I have experienced it a little bit, but as a general rule, most of the relationships I've been in have not had a lot of like really big fights, big arguments. I will say that I think my impression is some guys and some women maybe enjoyed a little bit. It's, you know, it kind of gets the passion going for them a little bit. And I, so there are guys that really like women who are a little bit that way. I can say for me personally, I tend not to, right? So I get along a little bit better with women who are a little bit more even keel. And again, everybody has their moments and everybody, you know, goes through motion. So I'm not saying that I've never had an argument, but I have been in relationships before where there was a lot of argumentation, a lot of challenging. And while that can be a little bit fun, for me, it kind of gets old really quick. And so I would say that's something that I'm not attracted to. But again, that's me. I'm not necessarily speaking for all guys. Right. I mean, yeah, I mean, it's one of those things. I don't think it's very healthy either. If you're looking for a healthy relationship and being a healthy relationship. I met a girl one time several years ago where that's what it was, is we were just arguing all the time. And she was, at one point I was like, I'm done, I don't want to talk anymore. And she was like, are you serious? And she's like, are you saying you don't want to date me? And I'm like, why would I want to date you? All we do is argue all the, every single time we talk. All the time for hours. Like, why would I want that? Like, well, who wants that? I don't know. That was, we were trying to explain to her why you were right, right, man? That's exactly what it was. That's exactly what it was. All right. And then so the, let's move on to the last one and then ask some questions, get a couple of questions in here. So number 15 is social media stalking. And this is liking every post that a guy has or posts that he has from a year ago or whatever. One that I've seen a lot in our community is the Facebook or whatever messenger will say that he's online. And so you message him asking why he's not talking to you or if he's talking to another woman right now or something like that. And every time I see that, I just like, I like a little piece of me dies inside because it's just, it's so cringy. And it's like, oh, don't ever do that again. And one of the things Patrick is actually one of those guys that's not on the internet very much. He's like, his like social media is like non-existent, right? Yeah. Except for the point that one of the things we didn't mention at the beginning was that Patrick is actually, wait, maybe we did mention it a little bit. Yeah, we mentioned it a little bit in the middle where Patrick actually, he teaches people about finances and investing and making money and stuff. And he has a book called The Money Mission. And if you're actually interested in picking it up, go check it out on Amazon. And so it's, he uses social media for those things, but he's not like a big social media person. And we keep having these discussions in our community where women are like, oh, well, he hasn't shown that we're in a relationship on Facebook or he hasn't posted in his profile a picture of us being together. And I'm just curious, like if a woman said something to you about that, like how would you feel or what are you thinking right now, hearing that there's some women out there that are really concerned about that? Yeah, first let me say thanks for the pitch, Matt, for my book, I appreciate that. But the thing I would say is actually I had, I was in a relationship with a gal who I had that issue with actually because so let me just first say like, Matt, like you said, like aside from the work that I've done with my business, I'm like literally never on social media. And my family likes to joke or I like to joke with them and say, you know, my virtual life has been sorely neglected. And because nobody ever finds me and you know, I'd even log on after six months, you know, and people were like, why didn't you like my post? You know, and do you not like me anymore? You know, and so I realized there are a lot of people that place a lot of importance on social media. And I realized that I tend not to. And so I was actually in a relationship where the gal friended me on Facebook and I didn't even know because I'm never on there. You know, and I was like, hey, I was figured we're in a relationship. And she came back later and said, you know, she hadn't told me, but she was upset that I hadn't accepted her friend invite. And you know, that took some talking through and we got to the bottom of it. But I think that's something that's really important. It's knowing kind of who it is that you're getting into a relationship with and knowing what's important to them. And know too that I realized a lot of people love social media. You know, so just make sure you maybe know the person that you're dating and what they feel about it. Because if they're not on there, if they're not responding to you, it may not necessarily mean that they're not interested or they don't like you or anything of the sort. They could like you a lot. It's just they don't, you know? They aren't on those platforms. Right, right. Yeah, absolutely. For sure. Okay, cool. So that's the 15. If you guys missed the 15, I'm gonna go over real quick again. The first one is value misalignment. Number two is negativity. Three is overly critical, putting him down. Number four is expectations in mind reading. Number five is you're never happy. Six is she needs to be right. Seven is trying to lock him down way too early. Eight is judging him without knowing him. Nine is you, there's nothing, you don't have anything interesting going on in your entire life. Number 10 is you're unattainable. 11 is immaturity. 12 is lack of confidence. 13 is emasculation. 14 is arguing about everything. And 15 is social media stalking.