 We invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Cy Howard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Telemies with Alan Reed as Fuff Wally. Luigi Vasco left Italy to start his new life in America. He promised his mother that he would write and tell her about his adventures. So now, let's read Luigi's letter as he writes to Mama Vasco in Italy. Dear Mamma Mia, now that I'm here in America over the year, I'm getting to act like a real America. All day long, I'ma play the radio. I want to tell you what they call a discharge. That's the fellow. That's the fellow who no kind of thing acts or makes a funny joke. Somebody's got a big talent for playing a phonograph. Over here, nobody is a thing. Nobody is an act. Nobody is a telephony joke. And nobody is a play record. It's just everybody to get the rich. That's the night I'ma hear how one lady is a winner of refrigerators, guests over, main coats and a thousand dollars. All because she's got a brain, so answer the telephone. Mother Mamma Mia, I've meant to my telephone a thousand times since I'm an American. All I'ma get is a bigger bill. Another program I'ma enjoy very much is after gossip. Everybody is alike him. He's a talk so easy, so smooth. And he's so relaxed that sometimes I'm a wonder why my radio is an 040. Also, he's a play what they call a ukulele. To me after gossip he's a real American, so I'm buying myself a ukulele too. I'ma come down and say, Jack, in effect, see your hand, it's got to be red, B, A, B, M, R. Oh, wait for the son of my country, Mother Pascuali, here's the money. Hello, Louis, hello, hello. Hello, Pascuali. Hey, Louis, my daughter Rosa is asking me I should give you this letter. Oh, Valentine's card. Mother Pascuali, Valentine's Day is in the February. For my daughter Rosa every day is a Valentine's Day. Go ahead, Louis. She'll read what she's writing you inside. All right, sir. Go ahead. Roses are red, violets are blue. If you marry me, I'll marry you. Well, what do you ask of my son? Pascuali, if I'ma want to be sensible... I will not ask you to be sensible and be stupid and marry my daughter. No, Pascuali, she's the first factor. Factor, factor. There you go with the factor talk again. Louis, you remember one thing. Like a professor Einstein says, everything in a life has got a relative. Huh? Sure, roses away 250 pounds, but compared to the factor lady in the circus is away 750 pounds or to the elephant that's away 2 tons, roses away 250 pounds. Roses is just a drop in the bucket. Move by your bucket. There's no more talk about it, Roger. All right, all right, Luigi. But let's talk about you and your future. Future? Yes. After all, you get an old all the time, you've got to start to take it. What do you want to be when you grow up? Well, I don't know Pascuali. I was thinking maybe I'm going to be an engineer and build a bridge. So now go to this, the country's got more bridges than it's got a water. Well, a lawyer maybe. That's a bad too. You go on a night to school. Even if you get a law diploma, you can only practice in a night to court. All right, but then I'm not going to be a doctor. A doctor, Luigi, you're making me laugh. But don't you know in America, doctors, they've got to be in MDs. In your initials, they'll be. Sure. And in your case, the LB is the stand of a lazy bachelor. She, believe me, is only one job for a fella like you who's got to know talent. What the job is this? Husband. Pascuali, you promised not to talk about it. All right, all right, calm down, relax. Hey, Pascuali, I'm almost forgot. Look what I'm about to myself today. Hey, what is that, a fry and a pan? No, it's a ukulele. It looks like a fiddle that forgets to grow up. Oh, Pascuali, you should have heard me play. I'm a can of sing and the company of myself at the same time. Sounds like a double of suicide. Well, don't just stand there, Luigi. Let's hear this great talent play something. All right. What do you want I should have played? Mendelssohn's wedding march. Oh, Pascuali, that's too hard. But I'll listen to this. Something I'm a hear from Atta Gatsby. He's a play. I'm a come-a-down at the getty in a taxi, honey. Gotta be barely thirty p.m. All right, all right, stop. That's enough. That's an operator, huh, Pascuali? No good. Luigi, I'ma take back everything I'ma say before I body you. You've got to break a talent. Me? Oh, Pascuali, please. You're making us fun. No, Luigi, I think you're sensational. If you was to lose a hundred of pounds, get to look like a thick cow and sing like you just sang. Frank and Sinatra's got to go out of business. Pascuali, stop teasing me. Luigi, usually you had. It's just to think. In America, who's the biggest to think? Sinatra, Mario Lanza, Vic de Morro, Perry Colmore, Bing and Crosby. The Bing Crosby. And Pascuali, he's a not battalion. He's an Irish-American. I don't care if he's a Scotchian terrorist. I'm a fortunate singer, you know? That's all right. Sure. Now, Luigi, you do like I say. It's the time you begin to plan for your future. Pascuali, you don't have to just to make it a funner with me, huh? I mean, you really think I can be big like a Sinatra? Sure. You're a pilot. You've got a nice face, and you can sing. Right away, you've got three strikes against you. Pascuali. Sure, and best of all, when the women look at a Sinatra, they want to mother him. But you've got a face when they look at it, everybody's going to have a pity. Pascuali, you're giving me big ammunition. I'm going out to my night school to class and to tell them my friends all about the UIV. Go, go, go. Goodbye. Goodbye. Hey, goodbye, yes, goodbye. Come and come and dine, they're getting in the crotch behind me, but I feel a little bit of a pain. Sorry, sir. You're doing good. I'll call the roll. Mr. Basko. Present. Mr. Harwin. Present. Mr. Oton. Present. Mr. Shultz. Mr. Shultz, why don't you answer? Because tonight I'm playing hard to death. Thank you, fellow booners. Why ain't I the little devil called tonight? Mr. Shultz, instead of disrupting the class, why don't you concentrate on your words? Now, our English lesson tonight confirms your subjunctive mood. Mr. Shultz, tell us about the use of the subjunctive. Or don't you know? Who, me? I shouldn't know the subjunctive. Miss Bolton, believe me. If anybody knows... Just tell us about the subjunctive, Mr. Shultz. All right, all right. The subjunctive. No. But that's... We're not going to give us that. Now, if I say you were subjunctive, now, will you take my instance that the subjunctive is such... There's somebody else trying. Mr. Basker, what do you think? I think I'm a singer as a good as Sinatra. Well, a Pasquale's a hymnist singer and a myukulele. And he says I'm going to make a fortune because even if they're in the cross, he's a Scotch Italian. Luigi, you should be careful with your friend Pasquale. Every piece of advice he gives you is aimed at only one target, Rosa. Target? She's the whole shooting gallery. Ask him to begin and tell us the whole story. No, please, Mr. Spaulding. We already killed that. Let's not return to the scene of the crime. Oh, please. If you can't think of something stupid today, shut up. No, Luigi. What's this with you and Pasquale? Pasquale is a hymnist singer and a myukulele. And he says I should sing on a radio. What do you think it should be? I think between you and television, radio is doomed. That wasn't a nice thing to say. Maybe Luigi has got a talent and someone should exploit it. But that's right, Luigi. If you got the talent, I would like to be the first one to explode it. I guess I'm a microphone over myself. No, no, stop that thought, Luigi. I was only fooling. Who knows? Maybe if you got it in you to be another Zinatra, the only way you can find out is to die. That's right, Luigi. There's lots of amateur shows on the radio, and even in the movie theater. Well, you know, Luigi, there was a good idea. Amateur show? For sure, Luigi. Pasquale says you've got talent, but maybe he's just looking to make a fool from you. You should go to the amateur show and prove it. For sure, sir. You really think I should have gone to this amateur show? Why not? Look, Luigi, there's an amateur show right in our neighborhood movie. Everything proves the nice stuff. Now, look, I go with you after class and we're gonna get you signed up. You're hot ass right there, and they'll even come to the theater and applaud like crazy. Well, all right, so maybe I can do that. Classy, you really think I'm gonna be good? You might be very good, Mr. Baster. Sure, Luigi, in America, anything can happen. Yeah, young for Germany. Luigi, the clue. Yeah. Sure thing. Then Zinatra thinks the young girls, they think. One note for Luigi's voice, and he wipes out the whole country. Mamma Mia, is it possible you send Luigi's who's gonna be a millionaire from the singing? If this is to happen to Mamma Mia, right away I'm a sender for you. And to Margarita, Uncle Pietro, and his ghost. Sure, and if the ghost isn't like it here, he can send it for his a-girlfriend. Of course he's gonna have to. This is a Chicago. They got a stocky eye, and there's a lot of ghosts there. Anyway... Hey, Luigi, how come you didn't tell me you're gonna be in the amateur show? Well, Mr. Baster, you told me I should have planned it for the future. So, Schultz is an advisor. Oh, that is Schultz is a takin' over, eh? Luigi, why all the time are you runnin' full advices through a delicatessen of man who's gonna know only about a meat when you know I'ma got everything in my head? Well, you should write, Mr. Baster. You're the biggest of me, Ted, I know. What's the funny thing? When I'ma say it, it's to come out of this for us. Well, Luigi, I'ma not mad at you. After all, anybody who's a-helping you helps me, because I'm a humanity. You're-you're my-my manager. Sure, who's a-discover you, Columbus? I'ma go to get some return on the investment I go to make on you. Why an investment? Well, Luigi, you know we're alive to this, but it's to take a big money to build up a new singer. First of all, for this amateur hour, I've got a sweet kid who's sitting in the audience to clap for you. That's a 30 cents. I'ma take an ear to a singer to teach you to polish you up. You've got a singer to teach you for me? Sure, I'ma spend no expense. That's another 25 cents. Mr. Baster, is this the singer to teach you he's a judge of 25 cents? Sure. I could've got it for less, but I'ma want it for a private elastin'. Thank you, Mr. Luigi. Spending all of this money on you, I'ma gotta protect it myself, but that's the way you gotta sign this to manage the contract. What's this? What if a squany such a little apprentice? What's the kind of manager the contract is, is it? The usual of 10% the kind. Everything in your word, you'll get a 10%. Come on, sign it before I'ma call up a synopsis and a dime ahead. Well, all that's to put, squany. I sign it. There's not anybody to ever check. You could've singed a present to ball. Command the performance for the king and queen of England. Everybody's a-wanting you. You wouldn't have such a demand. You workin' a day in a night, a night in a day. You even overwork yourself. And then one day, you know what's to happen. What's that? You drop dead. I'ma that time on your popularity to grow. People, they write stories about you. And in Hollywood, they make a follow-up with the Josephs and things again. Is it called Vasco things again? Well, for me, is it a technique, honey? Sure. And Larry Park's is never gonna look better. Hi, Mr. Vasco. I'ma glad to meet you, Mr. Garret. Don't like that breathing. How long have you been breathing that way? What do you say? I say, how long have you been breathing that way? Ever since I was a boy. Well, stop it. A singer must learn to sing from deep down here. Listen to this. But I'ma not kind of breathe that way. Don't be silly. Now go over to that window. All right. And now, throw your chest out. Please, the first thing you pick up are the Venetian of Limes. I can handle this, Mr. Puss Walley. Now, Mr. Vasco, let me hear you sound A. A what? The musical note. A, A. Open the mouth. Dive. What's the message? The diaphragm. Diaphragm. Keep out of it. That's funny. Maybe we go home. Let's sit and, Mr. Gregory, I'ma bring him here. You should align him to sing professional so he's a winner. I'ma show a show. And enough to be himself. And I'll show him how to sing with his ukulele. Can he play that, you? Yes. You play by ear? No, I'ma use it with fingers. I'ma try it. Tell me, Mr. Vasco, are you familiar with the mic? No, I'ma never even admit him. Let me hear you sing something. I'm a comatose yet to you and a text to you. Oh, how beaten up you look. What was you doing? Taking a nap in a meat shop? This is a long story. My squirrelly is a tecumet to sing in a food shop. And it features a hole in my nose that's slapped on my face to punch in my stomach and it's a say, it's a say, I'ma look kind of sing and look kind of through the band of my diaphragm and throw away my chest. Oh, Luigia, are you for shimmers? Faster use the dog. Come on, it's time you should go to the amateur show. Sure, she's all offended. I'ma not to go into the amateur show. I'ma throw away the singer. So, Luigia, you're only stopped. You ain't supposed to retire until after you make the million dollars. It's a pleasure, isn't it, to follow myself for no more. Some of the people that born is to be rich and a family. Other people, they're born at short. That's when born is one of the best things that could happen to a person. Without that, it's nothing. What's this stuff? No, it's just me for shimmers. There's no way to reach into my head an idea that's tough. I am going to appear with you as the face of your animation. Sure, we form an act. Basto and Schultz. I mean Schultz and Basto. I tell funny jokes, you sing, and the audience throws. Shmoy. Schultz, Schultz, you wonder. Oh, Schultz, forget what the teacher said to you. No, he said throw away your chest. Why, then Arthur threw away his chest and he made a poor show. I'ma hear you sing natural. I'ma come down and talk about it. You're an ecstasy. You took it enough practice today to put the rubways out of business. Now, come and go to the amateur show. I teach you a few jokes and lose off. Schultz, are you sure this is going to be all right? Sure, I'm sure. Luigi, me like me. Don't worry. Schmoy. Be happy. I'm going to get some change. Basto, get ready. The piano act is almost over. I'm nervous. I'm so glad I'm going to get the help of some of you, my friend. Luigi, be glad to help out. But it was Schultz's idea. You will feel better when you hear us singing this to you in the chorus. That's right, Luigi. Also, I got another idea. Confidential, I got ten kids coming to clap for us. You got ten kids? I got ten kids, too. Junk, when you have many, I want so-called ten kids. There'll be kids to stop it. Timberwood, I'd like to have a sneaking-in confession. It's over, Sonata, with one hand. It's a pleasure to introduce another neighborhood act, Schultz and Basko. Baby, who was that lady I seen you with last night? Give him the hurt. Go ahead, Luigi. You're all right. Schultz, help somebody at your house. Don't lie, Luigi. We are expecting a little bundle. Was she the happener baby? Give him the hurt. Luigi, don't stand there. Sing or start ducking. And all the cow-fork when riding in the park When a windy day upon a ridge He took the rest and then he went away All I once, the mighty heart Of a red-skinned scowl, he saw When I threw the ragged skies And up for the cloudy draw He's the happener. When a blender was still on a fire And the dough was made of steel The hunter was a black and he's shiny And the heart of bread that he could have peeled How opposed to the fear when riding through the skies For a girl he saw, the rider's coming hard again And then he heard them start to cry When a face that was a gardener Would come down and took her to unit I'm still a bad enough I'm a truant singing. That's the right. You was a man for something much bigger. What's to that? A dream of being a beggar. Mr. Manich, you've got a holler out of me. I'm a good-ighter home. Mr. Baskill, I'm sorry that you were thrown off the stage. But Mr. Pasquale has told me How much you want to be a singer. No, no, I don't want to be a singer. No, no, don't say that. I've got a special prize for you. Special prize? What's to that? Eat, Mr. Gregory. You get ten free singing lessons with him. Mr. Mamma Mia, for free singing a man. Yeah, well, well, well. There's loads and loads from the diaphragm. Let's go. And Mr. Mamma Mia, I'm sorry to write to you. It looks like I'm never going to be a singer. But to now I've got another big singer for my future. Pasquale is to see how I'm going to catch Tomatoes on a stage with my hand. So he's buying me baseball and gloves. Here's to Mamma Mia. Pasquale is to go to manage me. And I'm not going to be a section of Joe DiMaggio. Here, I'm going to start in Luigi Vasco, the little immigrant. In Luigi Vasco writes another letter to his Mamma Vasco describing his adventures in America. Life with Luigi is a thigh-hard production and is written by Matt Benoff and Lou German and directed by Matt Benoff. J. Carol Mayesh has starred as Luigi Vasco with Alan Reed as Pasquale and Conrad is choked. Mary Schiff is Miss Faulding and Jody Gilbert as Rosa.