 Okay so good morning once again and welcome to all of you welcome to all those who have joined in with our e-learning class as well. Hope you're following through, hope you're enjoying what's God's teaching you through Madrajan family and also benefiting from the interactions that we're having through this class as well. So good to see all of you, trust all of you are doing well. We move into class today and quite an exciting practical part of the course is what we're going to be handling today. So as you know we've been moving through the elements of a good marriage. We looked at communication, teamwork, conflict resolution and today we're going to be looking at two specific situations. The first our first hour will be on sex and sexuality and the second part will be on managing a home or home management okay. So we may be wondering you know why would we need a lesson on this these things should probably come naturally to each one of us but I think there could be a few changes in our attitudes in our understanding when we're looking at it through scripture okay. So let's keep open minds let's keep an open time of interaction as well because I think a lot of lot of times you know as we are looking through God's word we may be we may need to unlearn certain things and learn something fresh okay. Alright so today our first part is on sex and sexuality and if you'd like to follow through or in the book I'm at page 94 page 94 at the textbook if you'd like to follow through. Okay so I think before yeah so we do understand that sexual intimacy is an extremely important part of a marriage and what we're going to be doing is to be discussing some insights and some guidelines even as we navigate through this aspect of a marriage. Alright so I think I'd like to start off with understanding you know having a basic understanding and probably it's something maybe cultural it could be something we've developed as you know as part of our growing up or something we've been we've heard through as part of our families okay. So I want to bring this question up open unto you and you know have a few of you share which will be very helpful for those of us who are also on the call okay. What was where did you first hear or understand about sex and sexuality what were your initial learnings where did you hear about it who told you about it you know where sorry excuse me where did you come across what it is and what the entire process is so where was was your source of information okay alright Anitha says Bollywood okay for those of you who don't know Bollywood Bollywood is the Indian movie in the Hindi movie industry in India okay and yes so that's where thank you thanks Anitha for that okay yes Bollywood all right what about the rest of you I'd like all of you to you know if you're embarrassed to speak up you could you could use the chat something that you know is really easy for us to use yes what about the rest no one ever told you or talked about it yes absolutely I think specifically in the culture in our Indian culture it's taboo to talk about it yes what about those um sorry Dinesh I don't think I really understood what you said if you could kindly type it that'll be helpful okay so some of you said childhood friends okay the others have said the children we used to rare goats with okay all right so there are all right okay so I think it's it's peers I suppose what you're talking about is peers all right so peers childhood friends what about others anyone learned it from church okay so I guess the silence means no from parents peers okay yes Charles peers yeah parents anyone from parents no okay all right so okay Nisha the question was where was the source of your learning and understanding about sex and sexuality we're doing sex and sexuality today and the question asked was where was your initial understanding or source of information about what sex and sexuality is that was the question right okay so from biology class ah okay all right and I'm sure a lot of that would have probably been just you know knowledge which you can't even probably imagine and understand great okay so you know from what we have from friends in college and television okay so you know something as important as sex and sexuality which we will know who designed it is something that was never spoken about in the open was never discussed by people we could trust we were never given information about it or an understanding or a value-based knowledge about it from people we may look up to which could be our parents could be our mentors that could a youth group or you know pastors these were things that were really not spoken about and you had to find your way through right but we do see and we do know that when we look at sex it's not something that was instituted socially it was not something that was instituted you know by people who wanted just to have seek pleasure it was something that was designed by God for fulfillment and enjoyment within marriage okay and we do see that it is a gift that was given to mankind and we see that in Genesis one where he gives the instruction to be fruitful and to multiply so he brings man and woman okay and there you see where man looks at woman and says wow you know she is she's born of my bones and flesh of my flesh and she said he says wow so to and God gives them an instruction to be fruitful and multiply so we know that God was the one who designed sex within marriage within a relationship between a husband and a wife okay and it was gifted to marriage in order to enhance the intimacy between a husband and a wife okay so let's move to the first scripture that I'd like to bring about which is in Hebrews 13 for okay could someone I'm on page 93 and would somebody please read that for me please page 94 sorry page 94 Hebrews chapter 13 verse 4 could somebody read that yes ma'am sure Hebrews chapter 13 verse 4 says honor marriage and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex okay thank you Avani right so we see here that it says guard the sacredness of marriage which means certain things certain the way that God saw it was that it was a gift given to a husband and a wife in marriage and it was meant to be sacred and it was meant to be within the boundaries of marriage because that's how God has instituted okay and you see in this verse that he also wants us of sex outside of marriage or outside the boundaries of a marital relationship and it which means even as even as a person who may not be married we are called to be able to manage those appetites and those desires or those arousals and enjoy it for within marriage so this does not just talk about casual illicit sex when you are within marriage it also talks about our responsibility towards sexuality even as a young person who may not be married or even as a person who may not be married to keep those desires and appetites within the boundaries or waiting for it to express itself in the boundaries of marriage and enjoy it at that point of time okay now even as we are looking at this specific instruction that God has given us we know and we've experienced we've seen people going through struggles with sexual sin okay either by being active before marriage sexually or engaging in practices that are outside of God's plan for sexuality which could either be pornography which could be any forms of sexual addictions could be masturbation it is you know through the scripture we God says you know he draws a firm line against it so it is necessary and important to come to a place of repentance to seek the mercy of God to seek his forgiveness and if there are times or if there are if it's a condition which is an addiction to seek deliverance and to seek empowering from God to be able to walk a line of purity right so the and and we know that that no matter what the sin is whether it is a sexual sin whether it is any other form of sin the Holy Spirit is there to set a person free who yields himself or herself to God for complete cleansing for complete healing and for complete freedom so that they do not have to walk in the chains of any kind of addictive or immoral behavior and to ensure that they prepare themselves in order to enjoy this intimacy within marriage because that's what pleases the Lord so through the scripture we understand that yes God is the one who designs sex he gave it to us as a gift it is meant to be sacred and it is to be be within the boundaries of marriage between a husband and a wife sorry yeah I hope I'm on yes yeah so it is meant to be within the boundaries of marriage so God is the one who designed sex okay now the next question I think we probably need to understand an answer is why do you think God instituted something like sex what do you think are the some of the reasons why he instituted sex yes waiting for answers you can chat you can write it up on the chat intimacy okay yes to build physical intimacy as well as emotional intimacy absolutely okay that's one reason companionship okay okay but a lot of answers companionship yes to multiply and celebrate within marriage yes for a godly offspring to establish a deep relationship yes and it is medicinal okay all right yes okay and of course yes for procreation I think that that that was mentioned all right so yeah so a lot a lot of your the reasons that you bought up is absolutely what is seen in scripture and maybe I'd ask someone to read first Corinthians chapter seven verses one to six if someone could read that again it's on page 94 first Corinthians chapter seven verses one to six could someone read that please first Corinthians chapter seven verses one to six now concerning the things of which you wrote to me it is good for a man not to touch a woman nevertheless because of sexual immorality let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband let the husband render to his wife the affection due her and likewise also the wife to her husband the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does and likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control but I say this as a concession not as a commandment for I wish that all men were even as I myself but each one has his own gift from God one in this manner and another in that thank you thank you Harrison right so when we look at this scripture we we are able to see you know let's let's look at certain principles that God has set through through this reason or through through this specific passage that it's that that's Paul's written to the Corinthian church okay so first and foremost it says if you look at it in verse 2 it says it is within a specific context we see that sexuality happens within a specific context so there again it is reiterated that it is between the husband and the wife and it is good that it is enjoyed within within marriage all right and the the message version gives you an added understanding of how these drives are strong but it is within marriage that it can be contained and provided for so that there is a fulfillment and balance in the way life is enjoyed there is a fulfillment and balance in in the sexual activities within within that of matter so it is meant to be rewarding it is meant to be fulfilling it is meant to be satisfying for both okay again we seek in we see in verse 3 it is it must be within a place of mutuality that is to be enjoyed together with one another one seeking to satisfy the other and it is in it is just so so in in in a situation like this we're looking for not just one seeking that gratification but ensuring also that the other is involved in the process of of satisfaction and of its pleasure so we see that in verse 3 verse 4 is what we see it's not a place where one stands up for for their own rights and it is it is something that you decide to do to serve one another and it is an opportunity to be able to enjoy this together and not hold it back as as a sense of a weapon you know for or withholding it as a result of probably conflicts or any of that we also do see in verse 5 that abstinence comes only as a result of of certain purposes of prayer or fasting and only at these times and should be come come back together so that you know satan does not tempt because it's it talks about the devil has an ingenious way of tempting us when when we least expect it so the devil uses this area of sexuality as a place of attack and thus needed to be guarded in this in this area the husband and the wife needs to be guarded in this area by by mutually coming to a place of enjoyment and satisfaction okay i'd like someone to read Proverbs 5 15 to 19 and that is on page 95 Proverbs 15 a 5 chapter 5 verses 15 to 19 could somebody read that please drink water from your own system and running water from your own well should your fountains be dispersed abroad streams of water in the streets let them be only your own and not for strangers with you let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth as a loving deer and a graceful dove let her breath satisfy you at all times and always be enraptured with her love thank you thank you so we see that this passage specific brings about instruction on on this intimacy and how it is to be enjoyed within the boundaries of marriage so you you know the verse and verse 15 says drink water from your own system and running water from your own well which means do not focus outside you know enjoy what is with you what is yours enjoy that which has been given to you and that which you are in ownership of okay so focus on each other focusing on you know the husband the wife and the wife and to the husband so focusing only on your spouse okay and it does talk about should your fountains be dispersed abroad streams of water in the streets so it's it's like a question should you be seeking it outside is it right to be seeking it outside and says let it be your own and not fast for strangers with you so even what you have you derive it within you and not to be given out or to be shared outside okay so it talks of how the the husband and the wife within the marriage delights in this pleasure delights in this love and lavishes this towards each other okay so we understand through the scripture some of the reason some the reasons that it's given it's for pleasure it's for fulfillment it's for intimacy it's for pleasure it's for enjoyment it's for companionship so we see that these are the reasons why why this was instituted okay we look at one more passage I'm at 1st Corinthians 6 16 to 20 could somebody please read that 1st Corinthians 6 16 to 20 yes anybody yes go ahead there's more to six than mere skin on skin sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact as written in scripture the two become one since we want to become spiritually one with the master we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy leaving us more lonely than ever the kind of sex that can never become one there is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others in sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies these bodies that were made for God given and God modeled love for becoming one with another or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place the place of the Holy Spirit don't you see that you can't live however you please squandering what God paid such a high price for the physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you God owns the whole works so let people see God in and through your body even man thank you thank you so even as this this passage does show couple of you know learnings some of the things that I just want to maybe also highlight here is it talks of two things it does yes give you reasons for what it is an expression of and we see that in verse 17 where it says it is an expression of commitment and intimacy as well as pleasure right so this is as against what is understood or what or how the the views of sexuality is distorted in our world that it is a merely physical act scripture is very clear that it is it's not just something that is physical but it is something that is binding to one another so it's not it's it it builds intimacy which means it builds emotion emotional connection it it's also a spiritual mystery as we see that in verse 16 it's it is as much as it is a spiritual mystery as it is a physical fact right so it's not as contrary to what is seen the distortions that we see in the world around the way it is thrown about as only something to seek pleasure at will and something that may not really impact the individual or impact another individual or impact a community or a family scripture does show that it is a mystery it's a spiritual mystery and not just something that is a physical act so it's something that needs to be expressed within that within marriage and we also see in verse 18 it says in sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies so if you look at you know at scripture sexual sin is one and the only sin where you violate your own body okay where which is the temple of the holy spirit which has been given to you by God which is something that God has modeled and given to us and God has the whole of us not just our spirits but our souls as well our bodies so what we do with it definitely brings about a great impact on different areas of our lives so it it talks of how sexual sin violates our own bodies the sacredness of the body that God created for us and thus you know this is what Paul says so in order you need to realize that this the body that we've been given is what the holy spirit has given us and so we don't squander it away in sexual sin but keep within that relationship that God has instituted so you know even as we were looking at reasons there are also you know that many times that I'm asked this question especially you know by young people what does it matter to be in especially in sexual sin when it when it doesn't hamper somebody else like for example the questions that that come on masturbation what is wrong because you know it is not something that that violates somebody else but I think this is the scripture that really makes sense over here that any kind of sexual sin violates your own body it violates your own body which means not not just your physical body but even your mind your thoughts your emotions so this this is a scripture that says that God's given you something he has given it to you he's stewarded your body to you and it is his and we need to ensure that we take care of it keep it in keeping it sanctified keeping it holy and keeping the act of sexuality only for how he has instituted it okay so as we have seen it is it is an expression of commitment intimacy it is an expression of pleasure of enjoyment and of course for procreation which we will come to a bit later is there anyone are there any questions or could I please go forward it's awfully quiet here today or there's at least there's a question or two that comes up or a comment or two that comes up I'm on call right someone give me a thumbs up so I know that I'm here okay great thank you thanks okay all right so we will probably move on pay attention okay great Nisha right so here we're going to be just looking at a few practical aspects of it and I know this could probably you know I'm just going to read a few maybe address a few but you could probably read through the notes for yourself so these are the practical aspects of sex and sexuality so for those who are getting married and preparing themselves you know it is also about preparation about you know your first time that you are going to be sexually intimate with your with your spouse and often it can be okay I will address that what is the right age to speak about it to our kids we will come to this when we are Anita we will we will discuss this when we are coming to nurturing children and parenting primer there is a entire section on that so I will deal with that then I hope that's okay all right I think it makes it fits in much better in that topic than maybe over here okay so I will address that definitely address that right so there are certain even as a couple a young couple is preparing for marriage it's also important to prepare for the first time that you may be sexually intimate okay the first and foremost thing I think is you know if as a young person you've never known the act of sexual intercourse and you you've not heard about it or you know someone hasn't told you or you know you don't have an understanding of it it would be good to probably speak to somebody to understand how and the mechanics of sexual intercourse because there are times that I have seen especially in the culture in our culture that we live in maybe not in the city culture but a lot of times in our more in a rural setting and especially when people get married really young they actually have no understanding of how a sexual intercourse takes place and it will be perfectly all right to discuss it with somebody older wiser I'd say like a like maybe either a doctor or a counselor or a pastor or a spiritual mentor to help you understand how are the mechanics of the of an intercourse itself okay the certain couple of things I think I'd just like to break up certain good practices is maintaining good hygiene okay so which means to ensure that you present yourself you know clean having had a bath and you know ensuring that there are there are good practices before you engage in in sex okay I think I'm just going to stop here Kennedy has so then is there biblical controlling principle guiding pleasurable sex dutiful sex against exciting sex okay so I think the guidelines that we can take from the previous scripture is that it should be a place of mutuality it should be something that seems acceptable pleasurable to both in mutual understanding the way that our husband and wife can make sex exciting is in being in communication with one another about what may seem pleasurable right so anything that does not deviate from from biblical principles so I think an example that I can give deviations from biblical principles is while engaging in sex watching pornography that deviates from biblical principles right so but any other forms of sexual engagement should be in mutuality something that brings pleasure to both the husband and the wife and something that is done in consent with one another I hope I answered that Kennedy okay Maxson your your question was I know one woman she decided not to have sex with a man and she brought sperms to have a baby girl is this also sin for his own body also okay so I don't know if you are in referring to um oh okay oh so okay I think I understand you said he she decided not to have sex with her husband but she brought some sperms from somebody else to have a baby girl I think that's what your question is not her not her husband he's not yet married he just went and gave it all right so there itself there is a violation isn't it and it is not within the boundaries of marriage there is a violation and of course it is there is there is no place for an argument here it is a violation when they aren't married and they are engaging in any form of sexual practices yeah I think I've answered that Maxson okay yes Samuel go ahead so I think Maxson's question is around can a woman have a opt for having a becoming a mother without getting married or without having intercourse we mean I think opting for IVF something like surrogate mothers probably you're talking about surrogate yeah surrogacy and and then I think that I'm when he said bought sperms uh huh okay I think she went to a medical procedure to have children which I think is a very interesting question yeah yeah it is see like like we said that may not be specific guidelines and principles but then I think to understand that marriage is a union between man and woman so so I do understand that there can be times that you know couples don't have children and as a result have to go for an IVF in vitro fertilization treatment where you know sperms are taken from the husband and inserted into the wife and I think that is a medical procedure and that is okay because the donor is the husband himself but if it was surrogacy that is which means I know there isn't an act of sexuality in it but however the the sperms are not from the the covenant relationship it comes from outside that's an interesting question I don't know if I can completely answer that uh maxon may I may I take this question up and you know share this and come back with an answer please yes mom thank you okay I've just made a note of it and see right thank you thank you maxon yeah but very interesting question thank you okay Anita has asked while having a hormonal changes in teenager how should they handle sexual urges okay this again probably maybe I could I could okay maybe we'll handle this here itself um yes a move from childhood to adolescence is a very very trying period of time where there are many physical physiological bodily emotional changes that happen all right and I think this is where it is crucial for parents or for the church to be able to engage our teams in helping them understand these urges often they feel that they are subject to these urges the sexual urges but helping them see that those within uh you know in in christ those in in in a relationship with god are helped that that there is the presence of the holy spirit to help them handle these urges and of course different maybe even practical practical ways so so something that we do at apc is we hold I hold teen sessions for young teens between 13 and 19 and interestingly just last week the previous month we we had this as the as a topic of dating in sex and this was uh this was something that you know was addressed that yes there are going to be urges there are going to have these appetites and desires one way of practically dealing with it is you know I think half the battle gets won when it comes as a discussion when you're discussing it and the next happens when the team knows that there is someone that they can relate to who they can be accountable to who will not pass judgment over them who will be able to help them navigate through this difficult period of time so even if there is you know one older adult who can help them through common challenges knowing that these are natural desires and instincts there are natural uh processes of the body that may come up but being able to address it and help them see that it is normal yet not to to ensure that you know they engage in in uh acting upon I think that's the word to use acting upon these urges because of how it impacts your body impacts your relationship with God impacts your emotional stand so coming to a place of openness in discussing it in keeping open conversations and I think that has a lot to do with with the families with parents who's able to keep the children engaged in understanding these specific areas for for teams I hope I answered that Anita yeah okay so uh yeah all right okay so I'm I'm going to move move ahead just to um help to you know even as we were looking at certain practices that are important like we were we were talking about certain things that we would say is yes ensuring that there is hygiene ensuring that you know there is there is a good ambience for for your sexual experiences experiences in ensuring that there is conversation that happens on expressing what one likes what one dislikes engaging also in in more of an emotional connect rather than just seeing it as more physical in nature ensuring that it is private ensuring that uh you know that that that it is um it it it is spoken about it is communicated about you know even after after the entire act where there is engaging happens not just in the physical realm but also in in the emotional part of it okay so these are certain broad uh categories I'm sure you can you know you can for those of you who would like to know more we are on page 96 and 97 and you can you can work through that you can read through that as well okay um to help the the couple manage their their sexuality understanding to be able to direct this affections only towards the spouse ensuring that you keep away any kind of fantasies any kind of thoughts that could lead you into something that may be dishonorable to god and and you know coming to a place of consecrating your sexual appetites and that's something that I think each of us can do whether we're married whether we're unmarried being able to make that commitment that all the affections would be towards the spouse we find fulfillment only within that that space of of sexual intimacy and not even in other addictive behaviors and also to be able to consecrate those affections before god okay as we look through sex and sexuality another important part of decisions is there a biblical view on contraception okay there there biblically there isn't any any specific guidelines that are given that you know it is wrong to use contraception or it is right to use contraception I believe it is in the discernment of a of a husband and a wife on what kind of contraception that they can use so the one thing that we do think is dishonorable to god and and a sin is abortion so to be able to keep away from unexpected pregnancies it makes good practical sense to use contraception biblically there aren't any specific guidelines on contraception and it is something that is that is given for the benefit of families or individuals or you know couples who wouldn't want to have more than a specific number of children so yeah all right so so we're going back to deciding about when to have children we do see that one of the reasons that god created sex was as we see in malachi chapter 2 verse 15 is is to have godly offspring and godly offspring comes only when there is sexual intimacy between a godly man and a godly husband and a godly wife so they raise godly offspring and one of the and the medium for that is absolutely is sexual intimacy and even in preparation i think it is important as you are preparing young people for marriage to have the husband the the couple the to be married couple to discuss about this about how many children would they like to have when they would like to have children what kind of contraceptive methods would they use and this is something that we take time to discuss with the couple so that that there doesn't come any conflict as a result of that after okay quickly we're just going to be dealing with sexual intimacy during the time of you know one is what happens you know how should how should gay sexual engagement happen as people get older there are times that you know there could be events or spaces where either the husband or the wife could lose interest in sex and these could be because of many reasons okay it could be a lack of emotional connection maybe there could be presence of certain problems some certain physical problems it could be as a result of you know handling too many stressors at one time there could be just being busy or just a lack of connection between the husband and the wife these could be certain reasons why a certain a spouse could lose interest in sex and it is it's necessary and like we read in scripture to keep the attack of the enemy away to ensure that the husband and the wife come together in you know to to give and to offer pleasure to one another so if there are these reasons that come in the way of sexual intimacy these need to be addressed and these need to be taken care of it is important sexual uh sexual interests are higher in in men than they are they they may be in a woman so as a result coming together to see how it can be they can it can be fulfilled also when we're looking at sexuality sexuality is not just physical sexual the act of love making but it should also encompass affection you know just non-sexual touches non-sexual words verbal affection emotional affection that is shown and that itself brings and builds a couple up towards bringing up to bringing up that intimacy okay there are a couple of recommendations that are given here as in the sense of books there is a book on on Tim and Beverly Lahey's act of marriage after 40 that's a good book for those who are you know elderly and how they could how they could handle their sexuality and also make the most of their commitment and their marriage together to seek pleasure to give pleasure sorry to be able to be more intimate okay so uh in through this chapter uh we have seen a couple of pointers that we have seen uh sex and sexuality something that God's designed it um it's completely it it is a gift it's something that's sacred it's something that is meant to give pleasure mutually uh it is meant to build intimacy to to have godly offspring it is meant to be enjoyable to one another it is also meant you know if there are issues and situations where it cannot be enjoyed or it is you know it it doesn't reach its place of fulfillment to be to being able to address it and sexuality is something um as part of sexuality there needs to be discussions about um you know about about children the number of children you would like to have at what age what happens if there is um if there is childlessness what is it that this is something that we will be also looking to at at a later chapter as well also being ensured that you guard any forms of sexual behavior or sexual activity outside of the sacredness of marriage okay so that's what we've covered here uh at this point is that anyone who'd like to ask any questions anything at all that has not been addressed here okay all right so uh this is your last chance to ask a question no i'm just okay you can ask at any point of time all right okay so if if we are good um we will come back in 10 minutes on my clock it's 10 52 we will be back in 10 minutes to look at the next element of marriage which is managing the home okay so men and women please ensure that you come back don't miss don't bunk the class okay all right catch you soon