 The whole construct, the belief that these little private minds have power and have dynamics at all, is part of the era as well. That the entire cosmos is a projection. And when you try to pull it down in interpersonal terms, it's still, you're dealing with the realm of error. So, for example, like in psychology when we talk about projection, psychotherapists might say, quit projecting onto your wife, or quit projecting onto your husband, your own issues of mistrust, your own issues of deception. And that's as if persons project. But what I'm saying is the healing comes when you go much deeper and you start to realize that the whole cosmos is the projection. That people aren't projecting anything. People don't have individual minds. People don't have individual thoughts. People don't even have individual decision-making capability, even though it could seem like we have a roomful of people, and each of you decided to come to this church today on Saturday. And it took all these decisions being of synchronicity for this to occur. There's a part in the teacher's manual where the question is posed to Jesus, how is healing accomplished? And basically in that section he lays it out. He says, healing requires one awareness, and that it is the mind and not the body, that is the decision-making. The mind and not the body. What does he mean by that? He means that human beings are just constructs that seem to have minds of their own. They seem to have their own sense of private thoughts. And that each human being seems to have their own decision-making ability. But each human being is a body. So the belief that bodies can decide, that bodies have decision-making capability, is to fall right through the smack dab in the middle of the ego's hair. And it's back like a spider going, ah, ah, got you again. That's why interpersonal relationships, they're so tangled. Well, I'm choosing to get myself on the right track. I'm choosing to do my healing work, my healing work, and my partners are dragging their feet. They're bogging me down, they're slowing me down. I could go much faster if I didn't have this person living in the same house with me. That is so resistant. That is so lazy. That's so mentally lazy. That's so unwilling to practice the scripture. As if the bodies are a separate decision-making capability, and as if somehow these bodies have got to work it out, learn to be better decision-makers, and Jesus is coming along and he's saying, you've made the whole thing up, and you took the power of mind and you gave that to bodies. As if you could give, make up bodies, and then give each body a moment of their own. We know that bodies have a brain, but it's the ways that each one has a consciousness. Now we even have movies, like The Secret, and everything that's coming out. We're saying, I remember Candice Curtin, I think it's in What the Bleak? Do we know? She was actually saying, every cell has a consciousness. Now we don't have individual bodies. Consciousness would give an individual consciousness to cells. She says, every cell has its own consciousness. There's a lot of cells in the body, so we have six billion bodies. How many cells in the body do we have a consciousness? What a mess. How are you going to get them all to communicate and be in harmony? And Jesus is coming along and saying, no, the mind, the mind, makes a decision between ego and the Holy Spirit and you have to get so deep back into the mind to see the difference between ego and the Holy Spirit and make a same choice, make a choice for the correction, not for the error. So this is very humbling because you come through all your spirituality and you come through all your different religious backgrounds and now you get to the point where you say, okay, I created this leg problem and I don't feel good about it and then sitting here and pondering this thing is not guilty over creating this leg problem but this creation is a word I would not use in the same sense as leg problem. Creation is a God. God doesn't create leg problems and Christ doesn't create leg problems and who you truly are, the Holy Spirit doesn't even create leg problems. No real being creates leg problems. It has to be that it's part of the error. So it starts to give you a sense of like, wow, I'm glad I can even be wrong about that but I created this leg problem. You may read books and say, oh no, you did. You created the leg problem but it's like no, the deeper you go than this is like I had an experience one time where I came home and I could have played the food in the microwave and was doing the forced work for blessings back at that time and started feeling this nauseous feeling and then it got stronger and stronger and then, oh my God, I couldn't get to eat the food it's in the cooking and the microwave I was watching my thoughts I must have topped the food or be touching the food but oh my dad had the food recently and my grandmother had the food so I probably topped one of them and that was that nauseous feeling that I couldn't get to eat the food now what if it's a 24 hour bug or a 48 hour bug I'm watching it all at least I've watched it all and then the diarrhea feeling came in and then the next time I was running for the bathroom I was in a dirty mess I ran in the bathroom and I sat down got my hands off I was on the toilet and thinking, please think I've made it this far and then my lesson for the day in the course of miracles finally got a little hair cut lesson 136 sickness in the defense against the truth very synchronistic with the diarrhea, the nausea that lesson on that particular day as I was sitting on the toilet I was like, oh yeah, that's great there's many lessons Jesus had told me that morning remember the lesson that related talks from the lessons very long lessons too it's quite a long lesson it's right next to lesson 135 which is the longest lesson in the book he's on his long face there so there's a lot of thoughts coming in from lesson 136 that sickness is a decision you may not like that but sickness is a decision and it's like love comes close to you and you want to feel little and weak and frail so it's like it's a way of saying to God back off I'm tiny, I'm weak, I'm vulnerable I'm little and I'm not as you created me and look, here's proof diarrhea feeling nausea and a half, they're way and so I had all these thoughts of flooding in from the lessons I was sitting on the toilet and then I started to take attack which I had used and this is important in the sense that at some point I had it all let go and I started to say okay if this is true then in my experience sickness it must be that I have some kind of value of sickness either I'm valuing the sickness right now or my company is a big lie Jesus Christ is the biggest liar in the history of the universe or I'm just valuing the sickness more than everything in this company so I essentially took that okay that's what I have to work with here I can go for that rationally so then it was like okay which do I value more which do I love more Jesus Christ the way-shower my confidant, my best friend the one that I turn to for everything the one that I rely on for everything or this value in the sickness so it was like I've got something here if one is true the other one can't be I mean everything in teaching me was that sickness was an illusion and that love was a reality so now if I'm feeling and valuing sickness unless we say that Jesus is the biggest liar might as well be saying there's no God there's all Jesus can talk about there's God so I might as well say sickness or no God sickness or no Jesus it's going to have to be one or the other so I just kept I took that as a meditation I went deeper and deeper into my mind because it was like they both couldn't both be the truth one had to be an apostate so do I want Jesus to be the apostate or do I want sickness or no Jesus to be the apostate and I went down, down, down sitting on the toilet in my mind using this to go deeper and deeper until there reached a point where it was like ah it was just like the words came out of my mouth this is impossible and shoo shoo shoo it was like boom boom boom it was like and that wasn't the first time it didn't happen I think earlier in my life I it seemed to have a cold or whatever it's like I'm confused percentage I don't even drink alcohol that was cold it was a shake on day I just went help rich was gone it's called a Jesus called it for Jesus in an instant and all my symptoms and everything went away wow that's powerful so you have experiences not talking about theologies or concepts to kind of just go to church and sit with you and say the word you have to come to a sense of honesty self-honesty if either everything I've been taught is alive or this other thing that I'm valuing though is real so it has to come to that so that's really what true spirituality is about it's about practical application of divine principle and the ego of course let's just hang on for its own existence and survival so that's why all these defense mechanisms all these distractions the whole world is like the ego's playground of distractions to just try to distract your mind from one simple thing be still and know that I am done and this huge myriad of defenses is made to guard against that knowing God knowing your true self is one with God so in one sense as you start to go in with this it's like well if the script is written and this seeming appearance is in the script don't have to try to figure it out don't have to try to even figure how it got to be away well the ego made the script if you must know it made the script it made the good looking legs and the bad looking legs it made the flowers and the the dog poop it made everything this part of the script the black holes and the quasars and the stars the sunrise and the sun sets it made the trash the concentration camps it made the wars it made the beautiful songs it made the seeming ugly sounds it made everything and now it's part of a re-translation to come back to the point of seeing that it's all subtle paintings so in one sense what I'm saying is you can take your energy away from trying to figure out how it happened and you can take your energy away from the guilt of taking responsibility for the error you know really there are so many appearances why would the mind think that it could hone in on a particular experience and say aha it's my fault I feel like it's not this thing I understand that the dog needs to be free to choose whatever I want to choose and that is my experience and I think that feels to me honestly it feels like it's like this you can't sort of be when this you can't sort of be in love you can't sort of do this you have to do it you don't have to do it sometimes I understand I don't even see a scarf I don't even see anything there's absolutely nothing there even if I try to look at the scarf I can't even see it with my own eyes and then all of a sudden it's the group the ego will come back to me and say there's something wrong there's something again wrong with you and it seems to be they're sitting on the fence swaying on the fence and backing them all back to beauty and that's where I feel like I am at the moment and it's not just the way and there's another story that I could tell you there's so many framing and thoughts and I think it's this I'm on the fence I feel like I'm on the fence and when I listen to all these spirits it's that my devotion to suffering is what's creating the error the error in the mind is what my devotion was to peace and that's what I would be it seems very simple it seems when I communicate with God it seems that it keeps on feeling it's going to be simplified simplified and then everything has to be simple and it feels like it is simple well it is it's just a matter of choosing somehow and use the spy to find that there's this kind of way that I believe somehow I'm not seeing you do yeah I would say the only thing I've heard of Louie's head and what she would like and she would look at the symptoms and start to trace you back into consciousness it could be very helpful although again only forgiveness heals an unforgiveness and Jesus is teaching us that in the end even that kind of tracing can't be significant if there's one problem and it's already been solved the whole point is to learn to accept the solution then even the specifics but those seem like they would have any relevance but in one sense you have to say the Holy Spirit meets you where you believe you are so in the most practical way when there seems to be a leg injury an ankle injury, a knee injury there's nothing to do with the legs the legs, you know the mind thinks that if it has a body it could be mobile it doesn't understand that it's everywhere already so it thinks that it needs the legs to move and so quite often I've heard stories of people that are like a postman who goes around a mailman who springs his ankle he's definitely trying to slow down stop and everything and in the most practical way that is very much a symbol everything is just a symbol of slowing down it's kind of like you can choose to slow your mind down to meditation through prayer or if you're kind of stubborn and you think oh no I can't I can't just be meditating I can't be praying it's too much to do what people think of me when I just pray and meditate a symbol that the mind uses to justify slowing down that's why the postman springs his ankle you know or so on and so forth quite a step the opera singer get laryngitis you know maybe just a bit of pride and investment in those vocal chords it needs to be looked at prayer and meditation and laryngitis comes along I mean our friend Karolina who developed infertiles in Spain and she said just moved over here from Venezuela I got my kids here and she said I lost my supposed to stop doing sessions and infertiles and people I lost my voice can't go into a period of days weeks of silence when my perfume internized and it's like my baby I think it's like yeah there's definitely a reason for the laryngitis or the sore throat so even if we took it from the practical symbol from the bible and of course say all things work together for good isn't it great that you can actually trust that and say wow even this is working together for the good maybe it's just a symbol to my mind that I can just take a look at and you said you have been calmer and contemplating slowing down you can actually start to see the blessing sometimes and what seems to the ego is a curse or a problem suddenly all of a sudden you start to be with it oh it's a blessing that's when you start to really get into that retranslation you know because it's all working together for the good just seeing that respect David could you talk and share about the topic that I'm thinking about is divine providence and I've been noticing for me lately that work and money have been coming in stages and I've been wanting more of both and that hasn't been happening and as you were sharing from the beginning talking about things being done through you and the thoughts that came to mind is trusting that what you need will be provided and I suppose I'm still having some trouble with that that enough work and enough money will be provided if I let go completely and trust that's not quite a question but that's kind of the issue that's perfectly bringing it up I've been working for quite some time with this woman in Florida and when I first started talking to her and working with her she was working in a hospital and she says I'm getting clear specific guidance and I'm going to quit my hospital job and I'm going to open up a shop she had done retail shops before that's the body, mind, spirit and turned her head to the right and she looked and said look over there she had a vacant shop that's where you're going to have your store so she was guided specifically we're going to open the store she's got a 10 year old daughter she's had course groups there what complete group she's done counseling, readings things that she never could have imagined doing and then she started to be more like a squeeze and it was almost like I'm going to lose my shop and so she found herself constantly praying Holy Spirit for these provided the cash to continue this shop and she did this for quite a while and then I started to become almost like why is that there's a prayer being answered you guided me in this shop so why would you guide me to do a shop so I wouldn't need to go back and so she told me her prayers were Holy Spirit, I trust that you will provide the cash you will provide the cash, you will provide the cash and then she started to be going to this like a plane and those then when the cash wasn't coming and then suddenly she just recently had an uh-huh and was like I'm kind of fearful here and I'm really telling Holy Spirit what I need, it's cash you provide the cash and she was starting to say there's something happening here today where I think I'm being asked to trust the Holy Spirit to give me always the next step to take and the intuitive guidance but to not tell the Holy Spirit how it should look or tell the Holy Spirit what I need even as if I know my own needs as if I know my own best interests and right before I came here today I opened my email to a man who had one email from Donna which I will post on the mailing list as soon as I sort of reply to it but she finally she got that she said I guess the pressure and the stress was coming because I really kept thinking this story has to succeed, this is my function she had identified her functional with this body-mind spirit store and finding her 10-year-old daughter and I did it and she finally got that she didn't have to tell the Holy Spirit how to run a plan about the store and the cashiness and this and this and so she just wrote to all of her customers, thank you a letter of gratitude and she said I'm now taking this step into divine promise she said I've been getting email from David and the Messages of Peace I've hosted them at my store I've had them down here I've had Mary Colesville and all of them she was there to make things up and I'm finally seeing this is my next step in divine promise to quit interpreting the images and put telling the Holy Spirit what the parameters are of the prayer of how I would be provided for and it was such a joyful email of love and gratitude boldly just stepping forward with trust basically saying I'm closing the store and I'm going to have Course in Miracle meetings and house and blah blah blah and I'm taking the step of faith where I'm stepping off into this thing of confidence and I'm really trusting in the Holy Spirit to provide the next steps instead of telling the Holy Spirit so I think that's a I mean her story is a good story for everyone because as long as we still think we have ideas of how will we provide for it and it's like a pressure's on put the pressure on the Holy Spirit you better deliver I'm expecting that cash and if you don't deliver that cash then there's a big problem here I don't know if I can keep trusting you and believing you you're not going to deliver the payload deliver the cash and Jesus talks about money he calls it tiny little a little disc and little strips and green paper strips he calls them I would amend the course plastic cards credit card you had to add a few lines to it from the 1960's 1965 to 1972 and it came but basically he talks about these silly little symbols he uses them in context in the lessons that he takes we believe you wouldn't start unless you had stacks of metal discs and green paper strips you really believe that a sharpened needle will push into your vein and it will ward off the disease I mean he's poking fun at medicine he's poking fun at the commerce he's poking fun at the whole thing he's just saying this is a dream you've forgotten what you're dreaming these are just dream symbols whether it's a leg cash coming in from a job or whatever there's a much deeper context which is you're the dreamer of this dream and you're just believing you're in exile from heaven but before you can awaken from the dream you have to reclaim the position of being the dreamer just like people tell a little child you're just dreaming you turn around if a monster comes to you one more night you turn around and you look that monster in the eyes and I'm not running for you I made you up you're just a figment of my imagination and many children have actually followed that advice and amazingly the nightmare is over when they put running from the monster and they just turn and face the monster and that's what Jesus is saying is you've made up a world where there seems to be fear everywhere fear of losing things losing a job having enough of this and that and it's just like turn around and face that ego you're so afraid of what you think you did so believe that you're separating from God you seem to run out in common space and form and you're playing among the dust and you're fearing all these monsters that aren't out there you gotta take a look at the monster on the inside somebody asked Gandhi on time he said you know what Gandhi there's a devil and he thought for a little while he said well if there is a devil the only devil there is is running around in our own hearts that Gandhi said he didn't put it out there as his big entity like he wanted to do and everything gets used I mean yesterday I was running on the internet and he said I saw a headline on this Dutch politician this long hair Dutch politician and published a movie that his party the Dutch government said don't do it but it was kind of like an expose on Muslim hatred and you had quotes from the Quran about having to destroy or something the enemies of Allah and talking about terrorism and so on and so forth there's been like a huge backlash around the world people reacting positively and negatively to this video and you might say Jesus is the Holy Spirit or like whatever it takes you're you're doing the interpretation is it a good movie, is it a bad movie is it slandering someone is it bringing something to life it depends on your purpose if you have a reaction against anything, anyone in this world then there's something to look at because you're not really reacting to what's real you're reacting to your interpretation to an ego interpretation of something and the whole point is to let it go so yeah I have been writing a lot about divine problems and sharing that because to me that's where you really get down to the mini-gritty if I am sustained by the love of God I need to let go of trying to tell God and tell the Holy Spirit what I need here's what I want all these different grammars and just start to say if I step back from all that and really trust that I will be providing for I don't even know the form in which that providence will come but I know the feeling of being cared for I know the feeling of being loved I know the feeling of being nurtured I know that it's in my heart, I've had that experience and so whenever it shows up I can be willing to accept the form of it so that's why I shared this story with Donna she's just a place of course with myself I was just staying in the car but I had somebody that I've been working with and they're taking their baby steps but when they start to really commit like I am only going to trust the Holy Spirit and I'm not going to trust anything I've learned in the world my heart just extends out to them I was staying in the car on the way here but when I have a brother or sister that comes to me and says I'm laying them out and I'm going to join with you and I'm going to really trust like I've never trusted before my heart just I said I would be in the car it's like a little child sticking their hand up and just saying, lead me you know, I had and my heart just feels that the car is just too long for me so that's where I feel on that now my story, say four weeks ago was more Donna's story asking for provision asking for what it would look like and then reading the song of prayer which I really enjoy the pamphlet because it talks about letting go of all specific needs and coming empty so that's been the process in the last couple of weeks so yeah I'm just waiting to see what it will look like and trusting more in that than what I wanted to look like and I think wanting it to look like something has been the block all along it's telling the universe that I want it to be specifically to provide for me my son etc it seems all justifiable but really it's not when I listen to what you're saying what I know myself I'm trusting the true prayer approach if you know what I mean just letting go of all specific needs and trusting that whatever comes the Course says prayer will provide all true needs if we follow the purpose and so I feel to say I'm in that coming into that zone and wanting to stay in it so yeah I appreciate your love and extension to that and yeah it's beautiful I would read that little pamphlet the song of prayer over and over and I would read through whenever you ask for things you ask me for the past to be repeated in some form in which you like you would say the secret of true prayer is to forget the things you think you need that's some crazy kind of world of perspective true prayer to forget the things you can need that sounds kind of very very just together but you're saying this you really meant that and so I found that every time I was still holding on to these things once, what it was was you were saying you're setting up jailers to keep the guilt in your mind every time you have these wants and needs and you pray for those things so we're definitely talking about blowing past the level of consciousness where we have the movie like the secret where it's like use the power of your mind to get the things you want you want the house the soulmate, the muzzle rally or whatever you know it's just like the secret is saying use the power of your mind to manifest it and this is people who work with the force and who work with their mind and consciousness they get to that point and many times they reach that point and then the bottom starts to fall out and it's like whoa what happened I was really great with this manifesting business and it's more than always very good for a PC terminal let's not forget what the goal is the goal is not to the boss the rally oh yeah I was getting a little mesmerizing I thought I could reinvent my world or something and manifest everything that I want but who is the I that wants and needs all these things you know it's the ego that wants and needs so it's really good it's just another step along the way so I'm right there with you you might get parts of it online I know in one sense that's where your mind can truly come from a state of deep rest because it does take a lot of energy it's a lot of mind energy to keep compartmentalizing which is what we're trained to do we're trained to survive by compartmentalizing we learn different subjects in school we go through different we go through classes where we have to go through different courses of study and different levels of study for those things workshops, curriculums, trainings there's so much emphasis put on education and then once you start to get into true spirituality it's more unlearning and undoing those are the phrases and the key words and just for a moment it takes a bit of time to adapt to that when you've had your whole life build on go go go a bigger better more learn more, achieve more to start to get into this mode where you used to say okay I'm going to lay this aside as well instead of trying to learn more just just allow the mind to open up the heart to open up so that really opens an opportunity for trust and the more you keep trusting the more you get more in tune with your purpose and and the fatigue goes away because there's an ego and emotions along with all of these other emotions let's go back to the story of Donna because it's very fine I get hooked up in my ego it's about decision makers she knew that the decision was right she was a listener and then suddenly she came to see by that with my mind I might have an experience like that and then I would have a so I definitely have the ego voice I can recognise that quite strongly but there's always even if I get another voice I always have this other portrayal one coming and I remember it is a human experience and decision making is important right the way through because just to get along in your life there's a lot of different things when how do you discriminate because they both actually can sound very loving and as you get along first of all it's easy but it becomes very subtle the ego doesn't do the work in the wrong way yes, it's very subtle you might say that it's a progression and of course the miracle of Jesus is a development of trust so as your trust in the Holy Spirit grows stronger and stronger then the context of the decision making starts to shift in other words when you've forgotten the heaven and the spirit you get really wound into wound very tightly into the world and the decisions of the world then form decisions take on an immense importance for example if somebody said if you had a choice whether to eat an orange or an apple or a banana and a choice of the person you were going to marry then people would say well those are two different orders of priority importance one is basically not that important at all another is extremely important you could pay dearly you can make a more choice as far as the life partner but again that's what the ego is trying to work it has projected out of the world and then it makes a hierarchy of all the illusions which then makes them not seem like illusions at all certainly the important ones are definitely not seen as illusions most people say these things are important to me these things I'm kind of indifferent about these things are negative to me that I want to avoid and so when the mind is caught up in this ego trap it just kind of navigates itself tries to go for the things that are enjoyable and pleasurable and so forth and try to avoid painful things and yet when the mind is asleep and it's kind of caught up into this way of deciding it's really unaware that the ego is a decision and that the Holy Spirit is a decision and that the mind is really making one decision it's deciding for one or the other every single instance even though this is pushed way out of awareness in fact there's a workbook lesson of course in Miracles I will not value the values which is lesson 133 and in that workbook lesson Jesus makes an astounding statement every decision that you make brings you everything or nothing and that just doesn't seem to relate on the human plane of things every decision I make brings me everything or nothing it's like no I make hundreds of decisions throughout the day and oh yeah it's more like the French come see, come saw so so it's a little bit of this but it doesn't seem to be micro death for all or nothing in fact when we grew up a lot of us were raised with religions where they would tell us what a sin was what wasn't a sin how to be a good little boy how to be a bad boy and so forth and we had to sometimes even Christianity seemed that way where we like they would say it's really all or nothing and I hated that and yet when you go deeper into the mind and you start to discern between these two thought systems you can say that the ego is the nothing and always where it is the all and still it does come down to all or nothing for most people when they read the Course it's like the voice of Jesus is very compromised he doesn't kind of hammer away something and then go over just take it easy and you can compromise and fix a few things if you want it's very very uncompromising so similarly as we learn to trust the Holy Spirit more and more it's like that ladder and Derek was talking about the song of prayer and then there's like a ladder of prayer where basically the lower forms of the ladder you believe in lack and so Jesus was basically saying don't put prayer for things in this world because that's what you believe in nothing else is meaningful when you believe in lack and scarcity your decisions are tied very much into lack and scarcity and you're putting an enormous amount of effort into evaluating do I want this thing or that thing do I want to go to this place or that place the higher you go up to the ladder and the more that your consciousness starts to open up and expand state of mind becomes more and more important whereas in the lower realms it's like did you get it or not did you get the job or not did you get the promotion or not did you get the new car or not or the new house the outcomes and forms seem so important at the lower realms and then when you get more and more into your state of mind the outcomes and the forms become less important because your mind starts to stabilize in purpose and you start to make decisions based on your purpose Jesus says with anything that you're considering you can ask yourself what is it for what is the purpose what is the purpose behind it so in this sense it's not so important what you do what you don't do but it's the purpose or the motive that becomes increasingly important and like you're saying when you seem to be on a fence it's not easy to sit on the fence deeper you go with spirituality you know it's um I did talk to a friend one time I said it's hard sitting on the fence is like sitting on a barbed wire fence and she told me barbed wire oh it's not a barbed wire it's a razor blade she said it's like she said it's a razor blade after your ass I'm cutting this barbed wire that's not a good metaphor this is a part of the barbed wire where you actually can sit on the wire she's like oh no this is a razor blade after the essence very extreme point well taken but that's exactly what happens that you go deeper to become more sensitized slightest bit of self-deception you can become distraught on the way we can feel out of the tune with the slightest bit and the decision making is then lifted up to what I call purpose so you become more aware of the two purposes and with everything it's not so much a question of what you will do or won't do but it's a question of purpose for example like I remember as I was growing up I was always visiting relatives all the big days of the year Christmas and Easter and holidays Thanksgiving in the United States we always had the big family gatherings it was very much repetitive Thanksgiving the men would also over there for like six hours most of the time we would talk about two or three different topics it was the same thing you're in and you're out they catch the kill, they got the turkey and the rest is up men watching football when they're talking about this you could go any given year and be like who died and who got married to who and who got divorced and who was in school and that was like predictable, predictable and then at some point I just got to say this is really the best season of my time I don't know if I'm going to be offensive sitting up watching these football games and listening to this stuff and just like no this isn't the best season of your time I have better reasons and so gracefully I was able to say things like thank you for asking or I'll see how I'm guided on Thanksgiving Day or I'm guiding the moment and at first I would even say things like that I would get what do you mean aren't you coming this year and we really would like to have you there there's all these hooks I call them build-ups don't break with the status quo we'll be letting people down they don't get to see you that often only four or five times a year so it's almost like they're obligated instead of going through the rituals and again I was happy as myself in terms of purpose what's the best use of my time what would you have to do if I could go anywhere I didn't get to the point where I could actually hop in on Thanksgiving for a half an hour say hey if everybody think I love you all I've got to be going oh they don't believe you just got here really got to go I was able to start to use it in ways where it just felt like it was still going otherwise I couldn't be loving and putting it to just cut that's a win-win situation that's how it works it's like a graduated kind of thing I put my mother to call and talk to her about this are you coming there should typically be two or three weeks or more before the event I'm actually just practicing trusting my guidance and the intuition and I'll let you know close to the time this went on for months maybe over years years of time making this decision can't you decide if you're really working on deciding if I said of course I'm teaching what I would learn I'm trusting I'm being guided and at first I was like I can't just give this excuse of guidance but I know this is actually how I'm living my life now and then initially there was respect to it I just kept teaching what I would learn and staying firm with it and loosening myself up from that and it's the same with these kind of travels and gatherings we were here on about Thursday night we were talking with Julia and Rob and they were saying come up to Wamba and we could do a gathering and they said that's good just send me an email I'll follow it away so next time I come back it's like it's like the spirit has a very specific plan for you as far as who you're to meet where you're to go, what you're to do but underneath that specific plan still comes back to this purpose of love and joy you know that you're not asked to do something that really isn't beneficial for the whole universe or more the context becomes what serves the whole instead of these narrow little parameters what serves this personality who will benefit who will lose who will gain and lose this kind of plan which starts to be left out and then you're making decisions from a higher perspective which is basically what Jesus says and everything you think, say and do teaches all the universe so you start to say wow I might need this work . . . . . . . . . . . . .