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Smoker lucky to feel your level best. Get on the lucky level where it's fun to be alive. Get a carton of luckies and get started today. And listen, here's a Christmas gift suggestion that's bound to make a big hit. Say Merry Christmas 200 times by giving the gay holiday-wrapped carton of 200 luckies. And for that extra special someone on your list, give Lucky Strike 500s the handsome Christmas gift box of 25 packages of Lucky Strike cigarettes. Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, The Sportsman, and yours truly, Don Wilson. There are only five more days till Christmas, so let's go down to the local department store where Jack and Mary have gone to do their last-minute Christmas shopping. Mary, Mary, read my Christmas list, will you please? Gold cufflinks, platinum cigarette lighter, silk pajamas, a star sapphire ring, a Cadillac, a diamond stick. No, no, Mary. Those are the things I'm asking Sandy Claus to give me. My shopping list is on the other side. Oh, here it is. A package of lifesavers, razor blades, toothbrush, shoelaces, Jack Benny. You ought to be a chef. Mary, I gave you the wrong one. Here's my Christmas list. See, Don Wilson, wallet. Well, let's go. The Leather Goods counter is over there. Gee, the store is crowded. Can I help you, please? Oh, yes. I'd like to see some of your wallets. Well, we have a large variety. All these wallets you see here are $1.98. $1.98? Yes, sir. Jack, here's some better wallets over here. Oh, yes. I think Don would like this one. It's a genuine cow hide. Cow hide? How much is that? $40. $40? Jack, stop squeezing it. It won't give milk. Look, Jack, Don has been with you 15 years. It's about time you got him something nice. But, Mary, $40. Oh, Jack, for heaven's sake, for once in your life, show Don you appreciate his loyalty. You don't marry your right. I'm going to get Don this wallet. He deserves it. Mr. I'll take that $40 wallet. Yes, sir. Does that include the engraving? Oh, yes. What would you like to put on it? The price. I want to enclose one of these cards. Let's see. What'll I write? To Don, a very merry Christmas from Jack Benny. Here it is, Mr. Make a nice gift package and see that Mr. Wilson gets it before Christmas. Yes, sir. Come on, Mary. I want to go to the sporting goods department and get something for Phil. Now, here we are. Gee, they sure have a nice assortment of guns and honey equipment, Jack. Yeah, I think I should be able to get something for Phil here. They seem to have almost... May I help you, sir? Yes, yes, clerk. I'd like to get something for a friend who is quite a sportsman. Well, we've got all kinds of camping equipment. Does he sleep outdoors much? Yes, sometimes right in front of the house. Now, clerk, he has all the camping equipment he needs, his favorite sport, though, is hunting. See, he makes two or three trips a year to the high Sierras. Oh, does he hunt bear? Well, a few days ago, he... Hey, mister, mister, ask me that again, will you? It does he hunt bear? No, Petrillo makes him wear his unions to it. What's the matter, clerk? Didn't you get it? Yes, and if you lend me your handkerchief, I'll wipe it all. I didn't come here for any of your silly wisecracks. He thinks he's smart, doesn't he, Mary? Don't talk to me. I'm pretending I'm not with you. What? And now, sir, supposing you look over some of these items while I take care of another customer. Okay, okay. Do you mind if I fool around with this gun? Not at all. It's loaded. Say, Mary, Mary, I wonder if Phil... Hello, mister. Oh, Mr. Kitzel, are you doing your Christmas shopping? Yes, I'm buying a Christmas present for my wife. She's always complaining she hasn't got what to wear, so I think I'll get her something sporty in the line of clothes, you know? Well, that sounds nice. Why don't you get your wife a pair of slacks? You never saw my wife. She's not the type to wear slacks. Why? Well, she should be a slack. She's lumpy. Oh, your wife is a little chubby, eh? A little chubby from the back. She looks like Don Wilson from the front. And sideways, you wouldn't believe it. I'll take your word for it. Tell me, Mr. Bene, what are you getting your neighbor for Christmas? My neighbor? Yes, Ronald Goldman. That's Ronald Coleman. I don't know what to get him, but I'll think of something. Yes, I suppose. Well, I better finish my shopping. Lumpy is expecting me home for dinner. Well, goodbye, Mr. Pizzo, and Merry Christmas. Feeling is reciprocal. Make up your mind. We still have other shopping to do, you know. All right. You know, I think I'll take this fishing outfit. Oh, Claire. Yeah, just a minute. I have other customers. Oh, all right. I'll wait. That'll be $8.76, madam. Have you decided on that, sir? Good. That'll be $12.75. Gee. Hey, yes, ma'am. $16.50 out of $20. Gosh. Ouch! Finally got your nose caught in it, didn't you know? Never mind. Just give me that fishing rod, and I'll wrap it up and I'll call for it later. Come on, Mary. Gee, my nose hurts. Well, it's your own fault. Now, let's finish our shopping. Hey, hey, wait a minute, Mary. What's the matter? I've been thinking about that card I put in Don's gift. You know, I think I should have written something clever. I'm going back to the wallet department. Oh, for heaven's sake, Jack. Oh, Clerk. Clerk. Yes, sir? Remember me? I bought a $40 wallet here a few minutes ago, and I'd like to change the card. But, mister, I've already got it wrapped with ribbon and tinsel and everything. Well, I'm sorry, but you'll have to open it up. I want to change the card. But, mister. Now, please, I'm a customer here. Open it up. Okay. And I know what I'll do. I'll write a poem. Oh, fine. Henry Ward's worth tight, fellow. Oh, oh, I've got one. To Don. This gift is from Jackie and Golly O. Shucks. I hope that you like it. It costs $40. There you are. There you are, mister. Wrap this up with a gift. I'm wrapping it. I'm wrapping it. Come on, Mary. You know, Mary, I'm glad I'm giving Don that $40 wallet. Yeah, it'd be kind of tough to get a rhyme for $1.98. Now, Mary, let's go up to the mezzanine and... Oh, hello, Phil. Hiya, Jackson. Hello, Levy, you little fugitive from the doll counter. Hello, Phil. My is certainly loaded down with packages. You haven't shoppin' all day. Got presents for everybody. How about you two? Well, I'm nearly finished with my shopping. Your five bucks is almost gone, huh? Phil, for your information, I just spent $40 on Don Wilson. What'd you do, takin' the lunch? No, I... Look out, Phil. One of your packages is slipping. Yeah, there it goes. Oh, darn it. Now I'll have to get Remly another present. Let's move away. I'm gettin' busy. Phil, did you get gifts for the rest of your band? Yeah, bought every guy in the orchestra a pair of bedroom slippers. Bedroom slippers for your musicians? Uh-huh. I thought if I could get them started with those, maybe we could get shoes on them later. Oh, that would be wonderful. Anyway, I got all my boys taken care of. The only one I ain't got a gift for yet is Alice. Uh, maybe she'd like taboo. Could be. She thought he was great and elephant boy. That's taboo. He's a picture star. I wouldn't know. I'm a radio man, myself. Well, I'll be runnin' along. I gotta get Remly another bottle of toilet water. Toilet water? Phil, that bottle that broke was toilet water? Certainly, if it was the other, do you think I'd have stood here and let it soak into the rug? See you later, Jackson. Bye, Phil. Goodbye, Phil. Come on, Mary. You know, I'm going to be on Phil's show, but he doesn't know it, you know. Hey, let's go up to the mezzanine. They always have nice things up there. Okay, here's the elevator. Yeah. The mezzanine, please. See that's funny, Mary. Four guys running one elevator. Leg and floor. Christmas toys for girls and boys. Sweater shirts and ties. Of course it stays. Men's toothpaste. Toothpicks and his sides. You will like Lucky Strike. Buy them here because They're round and firm and fully packed. Just like Santa Claus. Fellas, you passed my floor. Look, I wanted to get off at the mezzanine. Third floor. Here you'll find Venetian blinds, Pool and billiard queues. Movie reels, rubber heels, Boots and button shoes. Coaster bikes, Lucky Strikes. Try one and you'll see. Your best bet in cigarettes is LSMFT. Fellas, look, take me down, will you? I wanted the mezzanine. Fourth floor. Oh, for heaven. Pots and pans, garbage cans, silverware and knives. Buggy whips and pillow slips, chinaware and chives. Cartons of smokes you love, make a perfect gift. Luckies are the best by far, so give your friends a lift. Look at Fellas, please. I wanted the mezzanine. Take me to the mezzanine. Fifth floor. Tootsie rolls, donut holes, button hooks and foes. Violins that fit your chin, shovels, rates and hoes. Railroad spikes, Lucky Strikes. Get them on this floor. Once you smoke the Lucky Stripe, for sure that you want more. Look, boys, I want to finish shopping. Now take me down to the mezzanine. Going down. Mezzanine, gasoline, alligator bags. Coats and bolts and billi goats and girdles if it sags. Let us off, let us off. We've got things to do. Merry Christmas to you all. How do you like that? I asked him to say it just as well. You know, I've been thinking about that card for Don's wallet. Jack. I don't think it's an appropriate card for a $40 gift. I'm going back and change it. Well, I haven't gotten nerve enough to face that clerk. I'm going to buy something for my sister Babe. Babe, what are you going to get her? Well, she asked me to send her a telescope. What does Babe want with a telescope? She lives across the street for the YMCA. Well, I'll meet you here later. I'm going to change that card. Oh, clerk, clerk. Yes, sir? What can... Oh, it's you again. Yes, yes. I want to change the card and that gift. Oh, no. No, no. First, you buy the gift, then you write the card, then I wrap the gift, then you change your card, then I unwrap the gift, and then you rewrite the card, and then I wrap the gift, and now you want to write another card. Look, never mind that. Just unwrap the gift, will you? I've already sent it down to the delivery department. Well, look, you'll just have to go down there and get it. All right, I'll go. I'll go. I haven't run into anyone like you in 20 years. Oh, why did the governor have to give me that part? Look, look. Just bring me my package, will you? All right, all right. I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get it. You're an eccentric character, you know? Something like that. Something for Mr. Benny here. Okay, Joey, let's look around. Something I can do for you boys? Yes, we like to buy something for the treasure of our club, the Beverly Hills Beavers. A present for the treasurer of your club, eh? How old is he? About the same age as you, 39. Well, boys, it's none of my business, but how come you picked a 39-year-old man to be the treasurer of your beaver club? Because he's such a good businessman. He puts all of our dues in the treasury, and then he lends it out at 10%. Oh, I see. Who does he lend it to? Us. Christmas, we were thinking of getting him a necktie. Well, that's always a nice present. Why don't you buy him one that matches his favorite suit? No, we like this one. It matches his eyes. Oh, or his eyes blue? Blurred in the waters of Lake Louise under a sultry summer sky. Where did you boys learn that? Every beaver has to memorize it before I can borrow money. Are you sure he'll like this time? It's $1.50. I'll wrap it up for you. Seriously? Here you are, mister. Now, let's not have any more trouble. Make the card outright this time, will you? Yes, Jack. We've wasted enough time. All right. How do you think this sounds, Mary? To Don. Your pear-shaped tones, many announcers ape. But no one can match. Your pear-shaped shades. Isn't that a cute, uh? Yes, Jack. It's a beautiful poem. Nick Kenny would be proud of it. Yeah. Oh, hello, Mr. Benny. Hello, Mary. Hello, Dennis. Well, Dennis, I didn't expect to run into you here. Oh, I brought my mother's lunch. She's the Santa Claus. Your mother is the Santa Claus with a white beard and everything? Yeah, and she sure fooled my father. He climbed up in her lap and told he wanted Hedy Lamar for Christmas. Oh, for heaven's sake, what did she do? I don't know, but now my father goes around singing All I Want for Christmas is my two front teeth. Oh, say, say, Dennis, Dennis, come here. Come here a minute, will you? Huh? Dennis, you've been a nice kid and you've been with me so long here at this Christmas. And, well, here's a $50 bonus. That's just a trick to get me to buy something for you. It is not. I don't care if you don't get me anything. Oh, yeah? Last year when I forgot to buy you a present, you picked me up and threw me in your bendix. And then you charged me $0.40 for washing my shirt. Look, kid, if you don't want... Oh, my goodness. What's the matter, Jack? Just a minute. Oh, Clark. Now what? Now what? That card I wrote to Mr. Wilson, I left it right here on the counter and I can't find it. Oh, don't worry about it. I found it and I put it in the package, wrapped it up and sent it down to the delivery room. Well, I, uh, I forgot to sign the card. Creating a scene. It's okay, lady. I'll get his package. The customer is always right. And this jerk is a customer. You see, Mary, you've got to know how to handle these people, you see? Now come on. Let's shop around till he gets the package from the delivery room. Say, Mary, what do you think I ought to get for my sister Florence? Well, I don't know, uh, lingerie might be nice. Say, yeah, that sounds pretty good. Uh, there's the lingerie counter right over there. Oh, yes. Uh, pardon me, but would you mind waiting on us? Uh, why not? Does anybody? Well, could you show me something of silk lingerie? Signally. What's your size? Look, they're not for me. They're for his sister, size 34. Okay, here's a whole box of them. Would you lay the lingerie out for us, please? Well, just a minute till I put my gloves on. Gloves? Touching that stuff with my bare hands makes me a nervous wreck. What? Especially the black ones. Look, mister, we haven't got all day. Show us something in size 34. Okay. Here's a nice little garment. A genuine pure silk knighty. Gee, that's awfully pretty. I think this would be very, uh, uh, wait a minute, mister. What are these little loops on the bottom of the nightgown? The loops? Yeah, the loops. Yes, what are the loops for? When you go to bed, you hook them over your toes so the nightgown won't creep up on you. Oh, really? Wrap it up and send it to my sister, Mrs. Florence Spenchel. Here's the address. Yes, sir. Oh, look, Jack, there's Rochester doing his Christmas shopping, too. Yeah, shh. I want to hear what he's getting. Can I do anything for you? Yes, I'm looking for a Christmas present for my boss. Perhaps if you told me something about your employer, I'd be able to make some suggestions. How old is he? That and what happened to the gas man are the two burning issues of Beverly Hills. If you get him a nice scarf, we have some beautiful silk ones for $20. Yeah, yeah, I'd like that. Shh. Jack, you'll hear you. No, I'm afraid $20 is more than I had in mind. We also have some lovely ones for $15. That's still too much. $12.50? Uh-uh. Well, we have other gifts for about $10. $7.50? $6? $5? When you get down to a buck and a quarter, wrap it up. Oh, that's not much of a gift. What does your boss usually give you for Christmas? A brand new dollar bill and a lecture on the evils of wine, women and song. Oh, well, look, if he's that kind of a man, why do you keep working for him? Well, it's kind of hard to explain, but he's good, thoughtful, kind, considerate, and he gives me his old two-page to cover my bicycle seat. Here's a nice red scarf, which is really an excellent buy. I'd rather take this one here. The color will match his eyes. Are his eyes blue? Blueer than the waters of Lake Louise under a salty summer sky. Oh, are you a beaver? No, but I work like one. Oh, Mary, some little joke, I guess. Now, come on, let's go and see. Oh, Mary, I just thought of something. Not again. Come on with me. It'll only take a minute. Oh, clerk, clerk, here's the package. I got it up from the delivery room. I'll go on and sign the card. No, no, no, that's not important now. I want to change the wallet. What? Instead of the $40 one, I'll take the one that costs a $1.98. Gee, he was such a young fellow, too. Well, I'll take the $1.98 wallet and put the money in his hand. Come on, Mary, let's go. Now, I wonder if we have to... Oh, look who's here. Hey, Don! Don! Well, hi, Jack. Hello, Mary. Gee, what trouble I'm having in this store. Wish I didn't have such a big stomach. Why? Well, it seems there's a piano missing and they searched me three times. Oh, oh. Don, have you bought your wife's present yet? Oh, yes, I did that yesterday. But today I bought a gift for our gardener. Your gardener? Well, what'd you buy him? A $40 wallet. A $40 wallet for your gardener? Jack, the only other ones they had were $1.98. And I wouldn't give that to a dog. Well, you can start barking, brother. And Merry Christmas! Now, ladies and gentlemen, as is our custom every Christmas, at this time, Dennis Day will sing Ava Maria. Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of my sponsors and my entire staff, I want to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas. Good night. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.