 Hi and welcome back. This is Pookey and today I'm going to be talking to you about some Healthy alternatives to self-harm. Now before I go into providing you with a great long list And you can find plenty of those kinds of things online I want you to take a step back and have a think a bit about the purpose of self-harm and what that's fulfilling So whether you are watching this video because you're someone who self-harms yourself Or if you are wanting to support someone who you care about Maybe you're a parent a teacher or a friend or a colleague Then we need to just take a step back take a moment and stop and think why self-harm Now that means having what can be quite difficult conversation and it's about saying what's in it for you What's in it for me when I self-harm and actually thinking back to the instances when you most recently self-harmed or when the person You're working with most recently self-harmed and you stop to think why was that good? What motivated you to do it again in what way did it make you feel better and that can feel like quite hard conversation to have because if It is someone who you care about and they're talking to you about how they hurt themselves and why that felt good That can be quite tricky to manage But in order to try and move forward and try and replace the unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthier ones We need to really understand what's going on there So there are quite a range of different reasons why someone might choose to self-harm Why they might find it to be a helpful coping mechanism and if we can understand those reasons then again We can begin to think about well What other ways why me might we be able to get a sort of similar feeling a similar response in our body In a way that doesn't actually cause us harm So we might be looking for example to distract ourselves It might be that we are struggling with very very difficult intrusive thoughts or memories There are experiences going around and around in our mind. We might have a lot of anxiety Anything basically that is really preoccupying us and is filling our head with difficult stuff might mean that we want to distract ourselves And in those instances self-harm can cause a distraction because for just a little while all you're thinking about is the self-harm So if distraction is the reason that someone was harming themselves then we might suggest other means of distraction And what works best will depend on the person in question But for some people it might be drawing singing writing watching TV going for a walk Anything that will otherwise take their mind off things and this will be a little bit of trial and error But if distraction is the key think of other things other activities that might help to distract the mind Another reason that many people give for self-harming is that the physical pain of self-harm is easiest to manage than the emotional pain If they're struggling with for example abuse or maybe they are having difficulties with relationships that are very hard to manage or they might be struggling with depression or anxiety Anything where there is kind of deep emotional pain and they're actually focusing on physical pain for a little while Might be easier to manage than that emotional pain And in those instances we want to think about other things that will give us a big feeling a Big kind of experience type feeling to focus on rather than causing actually inflicting physical pain and Here lots of people say that things like kind of heavy exercise might be really helpful So going for a run or doing aerobics or something like that that really kind of gets you very very active Other people say that things like having a cold shower or plunging their hands into ice might be really helpful But and another thing that can work really well is something that really kind of assaults the senses So like eating extra strong mints for example, some people evens to say brushing their teeth with a very minty toothpaste I've known people who have eaten like chili chewing gum Anything really that is kind of a whoa in the same You know give your body a bit of a shock really make you feel something So that you're taking your mind away from that emotional pain You're replacing it with a physical feeling of some kind Another reason that people often give for self-harm is that actually they find the process quite soothing quite calming That can be really hard to understand if you're not someone who has harmed themselves and found this response But if you're working with someone and they say that they find it makes them feel calm And they find it soothing then we want to think of what other activities Might help them to feel calm in a similar way without them hurting themselves So one of the things that can work really well here for some people is physical touch So there is a physiological response that helps us to calm and feel better When we actually kind of are physically held or holding someone so hugging after I think it's seven seconds Then we begin to release oxytocin and that can really help us to calm and feel better That can really really help if we're trying to calm panic for example It's always one to check with someone first because some people will panic in response to physical touch So you know find out what works with the person you're working with Other things that might help if we're looking to calm or sooth or sooth are things like taking a shower or having a bath Might be going for a nice walk being surrounded by nature listening to birdsong If you if it's someone who practices mindfulness, you might find that helpful Listening to calming music coloring all these kinds of calming soothing activities So this is just kind of a few brief examples But hopefully it begins to help you understand that instead of just randomly picking You know what might be a good alternative strategy? We need instead to think first why? Why is this person self-harming or if it's you why am I self-harming? What about it makes me feel good? What about it motivates me to do it again? What am I trying to achieve when I do it and then thinking about what other activities? Experiences etc might help me to get a similar feeling without actually hurting myself Once we've sort of begun to identify that and Remembering it might be lots of different reasons you might self-harm for a range of reasons So you might need a toolbox of different things that you turn to at different times for different reasons And once you began to identify those different tools first of all we need to practice them at a time of calm So we need to try them out when it's not the heat of the moment so that we can practice them So that then when we need them that muscle is practiced We have tried feeling calm when listening to music and our body is used to feeling calmer when we listen to this particular playlist or piece of music and say we feel that calmness kick in and we know how to do it We've practiced it and the other thing is to try and kind of journal how you get on So keeping a journal of when you self-harm what triggered it how you felt what you did and how you felt afterwards And then also when you tried these alternative approaches and how they made you feel because that can help us a To rule out the ones which don't work because they're not all going to work But also it can help us to find chinks. It can help us to find the things that do help Even just a little bit for a little time and then we can begin to try and use those more or find other similar things The key thing here though is to remember this is going to be a process So particularly if self-harm has been going on for some time It can take a little while to undo that and it can take a while to find the things that work And they might change over time as well and things might get better and then worse again But here you can really focus on the bits that go well So if there are nine times in a week when someone didn't manage to find an alternative and they self-harm But there was one time when actually they felt the urge to self-harm But they managed to do something else instead we focus on the one time and we think what went well then How can we try and make that two times next week? And we really kind of focus in on the positives and see what we can learn from them. I Hope that that's somewhat helpful. I hope it gives you good questions to start the journey yourself or with someone that you care about and you may find some of my other videos about self-harm helpful too and My new book my new book about self-harm. I promise I didn't do the video in order just to promote the book Although I will do a video about that. So my new book looks at I'm rubbish at this self-harm. It's about self-harm It's written from the perspective of a young person who self-harm and it talks about why people do it alternatives Yeah, it's for young people themselves. It's for their friends their family professionals working with them Yeah sales pitch over because I'm clearly rubbish at that, but it I mean I'm proud of it and also yeah my dog features Anyhow hope this was helpful if you would like to Subscribe then you will be kept up to date with my other videos And if you'd like to this, please give it a thumbs up and do take a moment to comment below If you've got suggestions or if you'd even just like to leave positive or I guess negative feedback about this Okay, until next time. Thank you. Bye. Bye You