 Welcome to the 1878 podcast, if we are... Fn podcast, I mean, you just, you know... Fn podcast. You've just been like that to Ned, what number are we on out now? And you forgot the title of the actual show, so... There is episode 27, we have had a Hollywood again, we've got no bush again. Here's Norrie this week, but Dave, as always, the ever present, is there, again, a little bit dark, but that's fine. Hey, that's what's a you. Here we go. I mean, do you want me to try and... We want to see your lovely face. I'm here, I'm here, hello. Yeah, I can see. Yeah, it is better. It's the Tom Davies of the podcast. Thanks mate. You know, going back to what you're saying, Ped, is this you flexing your muscles as creative director of Toffy TV? I just like, if you're going to have a title for something, let's get it right, there might be new listeners. New listeners are joining all the time, and you want to make sure they understand when they're putting on socials, going listen to some amazing podcasts. You want them to get the title, right? The podcast is called the 1878 FM podcast. It is. You just want to make sure you get that right. Sinity, brand awareness. It is, that's what it is. Absolutely. I mean, this is an ever-growing community, isn't it? Exactly. And if you are a new watcher or listener, then we would like to wholeheartedly welcome you to our club and apologise, once again, on behalf of everybody that Andy Bush is not present this week. By the way, did he say that the only day that he could do was Friday? Friday. I mean, that's not not good enough, is it? Friday? I mean, there's no time for it to grow on a Friday. There's no growth in that. No, very much like the bush. He not exactly. Trimmed his own bush there. He knows where he's got a, you know, he can't say, I listen a lot, I'm suspended for the game on Sunday, but we'll have a game on Tuesday. No mate, there's no game on Tuesday. So yes. Anyway, that's that's that's him. We will come back to Bush, I'm sure, at some stage. Let's hope so. Well, exactly, exactly, we always do. Let's let's begin with a happy, a happy note on a happy note that Everton won a game of football at the weekend, which was a, which was very nice and a tough game. And Dave, you know, the earliest ever winning goal. I think certainly for Everton, I'm not, I needed to check me facts. I'm sure it's the earliest ever winning goal in the Premier League, but it's Everton's earliest ever winning goal after just 35 seconds of a game. So what did you make of it? Straight out the blocks, straight out the blocks. Well, I thought he, I thought he took it well. I thought it was a great start. As my cousin Paul said, who texts me from the match saying, well, that will be us hanging on now for 90 minutes. And he was right. He was right. And it was a, it was a, it was a nervy watch, I thought, but thoroughly deserved. And once again, very much a Sean Daish performance. That's the game that we wouldn't have won under Lampard, I believe, or under the previous regime. And again, going back to what we said last time, it does, it is slightly frustrating to your point paid where you said that in hindsight, in hindsight it's a wonderful thing, but perhaps Lampard should have gone after the Bournemouth games because we therefore wouldn't have, you know, dropped the points on those home matches that we did. And I think, you know, Saturday was a, was a point in case for that, but no, it was really encouraging. And when you look at it now under Sean Daish, what's that three wins in seven games, which is the same amount of wins that Lampard did in 20, I believe. So certainly steps in the right direction. Brentford are a good side. We know that they're a better side than us all day long, you know, have been for the last year or so and continue to be so. So there was never going to be an easy game, but they grounded out. And that's what we're going to have to keep doing, especially with the home games, because when you look at what's coming up in front of us, we needed that desperately. Although for some reason, I quite fancius on Saturday. I don't know why. I quite fancius on Saturday. Well, they'll be confident because they've just won three games in a week, haven't they, Chelsea three big wins. The Alps, I was saying to Peddie Astley, the Alps were two of those victories, kept two teams by us right by, Leeds below us and obviously Leicester below us now as well. But, yeah, I mean, I'm certainly not, it's certainly not a game that I'm looking at and thinking, oh, we haven't got a chance. Whereas in the past, you've looked at Chelsea and gone, tough on this, but we're adding nine to something in the league. So they're there for a reason. You've got some very good players, but if everything that you just said stay compact and tight then anything could happen. Dave, just on, sorry, just on the, you know, because you said the Sean Dych type of performance or whatever. Have you got any issues with the way I haven't been playing? And would you have any issues if I haven't continued this kind of where you're playing certainly for the next season as well till you get in the stadium? Well, let's let's let's deal with it in section. Shall we? Yeah. If you're asking me, do I have any problem with the way that they're playing at the moment? If that sees us pick up any points whatsoever under any circumstances, then no, I have no problem whatsoever with it. This is desperate. This isn't about playing pretty football. This is about being effective and grinding out results. So I don't care how they come. Yeah. But as long as we get the points then that's fine. A really horrible scruffy 1-0 will do me all day long. Yeah. Into next season. That's assuming that we do survive and we're in the top flight. Will I be disappointed? I don't know. I'll be honest with you. I haven't really thought that far ahead just yet. And I don't think I can really think that far ahead. But I think the easy answer is I'm happy with with where we are at the moment. I think that Dych is doing a good job. I think he's definitely changed us. And yeah, I have no reason to see that change anytime soon. Yeah, ped. I don't have any issues whatsoever the way we play. No, it's only because we've seen a couple of comments. I don't have quite as much of the way we play. I have no issues at all the way we play. And I just see this. I just see this football. I don't see, you know, we're not passing it around the back. We're not slow. We're not the crowd saying it doesn't, you know, it's not, it's not one of those things where the crowd are there. I get frustrated by it. I just I think there's a lot of fluid, not fluid football, but there's a fluidity to it. You know, we get we move the ball quite quickly, but it's not like we're banging it long to the centre forward. I, I, I don't know if I quite, if I enjoy it. I think enjoy putting enjoy and everything in the same sentence is a little bit difficult just at the moment because of the outside forces. Yeah, of course. But I have no issue with the way we play. And I've heard people say it's pragmatic. I don't think it's pragmatic. I think we've created a lot more chances under dice than we have under Lampard. And I think he understands the necessity to make chances, almost to miss chances so that you get more opportunities. I mean, obviously that makes sense. But you know what I mean? It was like before I'm with Lampard. It was like pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, wait for the right moment, have a shot, miss and then you wonder why we don't score. Yeah, now I think we're all a little bit like, oh, we could have got two, three. I mean, on Saturday, we should have been three up at half time. Against Arsenal, we should have been three up at half time. Against Villa, we should have had one, a couple maybe. Against Forrest, we should have been three one up. So it is only really Arsenal away. So I mean, I didn't see that. Now Liverpool, we didn't see that. But even Liverpool looked, Tarkovsky, it's the post 10 seconds before they go. But forget about Liverpool and Arsenal and in the other games, because I've seen all of the, I've seen what's Arsenal obviously, but Mr Dabi, but the six or the seven that I've seen, there's only really Arsenal, I can take out of that and go. The rest of the games, for me, we should have been one, maybe two up by the time. You know, the home games we've won, we haven't considered, which is great. And he's won 75% of his own games now, which is as good a record as we could have hoped for. And away from home, like you say, Forrest, certainly, I mean, we talked last week, Dave, then maybe we should have put the game to bed at two one. Dym ar i greu, as a bit more conviction with that shot, instead of side foot, it could end up three months. So, from that perspective, David's definitely improving, isn't he? Oh, 100% is improving, you know, and so I've got no issue with it whatsoever. You know, I don't, you know, I don't think we're just, I mean, yes, we had to defend a lot on Saturday and we will have to do a lot of defending between now and the rest of the season. There's no question about that, but we're not just parking the bus either. And we are creating chances. And as you say, still our issue is in converting those chances and being clinical and we're anything but clinical arguably, but we are getting better. And the fact that those chances are actually being created is a massive improvement, because there weren't any chances of being created before. You know, whether we had anybody up front or not, and we don't, but at least we're creating chances now. And the message seems to be getting through whereby goals are going to have to come from other sources. And, you know, on Saturday, it was Dwight McNeill and, you know, if Sean Dysh has got to lean on the players that he had previously and capitalised on the relationships that he had previously at Burnley with the likes of McNeill and with the likes of Michael Keane and whatnot, then that's exactly what he's got to do at the moment, you know? Absolutely. He's got to get the most out of what he's got because he's not going to get anything else in terms of reinforcements. We know that. But no, listen, I think if we were to give him a school report based on, you know, the first few weeks, I think he's made a huge difference and I think he's doing a grand job. And for that, we should be very thankful. And we do it, listen, we do at least have hope now in terms of where we are. And the fact that, you know, we said last week, I think, or the week before or both is, you know, we haven't in any way become isolated at the bottom. In fact, if anything, it's all got, you know, also there's nine teams involved in it now, you know? And this, the whole bottom three will change on a weekly basis between now and the end of the season. I have no doubt. And it's going to be an almighty scrap, but at least we're in there, you know? Absolutely. I mean, for me, for me, four more wins. What did you make for the second goal, Dave? Or the sorry, the goal I was VAR'd off, handball for you or QC unlucky? To be honest with you, I see my stream went at that point. Fair play. I don't really want to go into too much detail on that, but I didn't have the best vantage point, shall we say, at that point. So let's ask Pett, because, you know, Pett, we probably had the worst vantage point that Dave had been in the last week. Like I said yesterday, from my seat is, you know, I'm right on the halfway line and the referee kind of indicated it was handball immediately. And he didn't come off the way he normally jogged behind the players celebrate. And that to me made me think this is getting this all out. This is where it's all mad, isn't it? It's like, if he thinks it's handball, then just give handball. Spear is all the drama. If you think it's handball, if you've seen it, yeah, of course, because it's gone on the back of the net, but if you've seen it and they put it down and you say, I think it's handball, then like Spear is all the drama. I mean, I don't, this is what I don't get. It's like they're looking for ways to rule out goals rather than ways to give goals. And I think, I've seen that. And again, the angle's not great. And if that's the VAR angle, then God help us. If that's the VAR, and I said this last year, actually, they need to have a camera, like even if it's just paper sleeve for VAR, or one either side of the goal, they're almost like goes in at its own angle as we can see you, the push team and gives you that. Gives you that view, that front-facing view that we missed last season when the one against Man City. I mean, of course, that was never a pen. That was never a pen. It was never a pen. But it's stupid that you're trying to look through the side of people. You lose that 3D perspective, so you don't know if it's arm or it's chest, really. The referees, I just, this is what I, they need to get this sorted. VAR could be so good if they just cut out so many things and got the rules right because it's just daff some of the things you see with the flags for the offside going up so late. My way of doing it would be, take the offside, it's completely off the assistant referees, allow them to be properly into the game. Like there's one on Saturday where the lines were on the assistant referees right next to. Files being given by a ref 15 yards away and not saying anything. And you're like McNeillam and he won the ball. He won the ball and didn't give the flag. Why not let the lines when they just say, I'm giving that, that's a foul, all that isn't a foul. And then let that new offside know what they're using in the World Cup and what they're using in the Champions League. Let that do the offside. And then you're just going to get a more slicker game, tidy up the rules a little bit. If the referee thinks it's handball, give handball. And if the VAR says differently, then we're all happy rather than being all happy and then being disappointed. It's almost like they're making the goals harder to give, aren't they? In so much as, it went in, we all think it's a goal. But is it really a goal? Can we find a way of actually chalking this out for you? But also, not chalking it out after 20 seconds, should we chalk it out over about a five or six minute thing? Especially Saturday in the stadium. The communication was wulfing because it was on the board. Pending, pending, pending. Am ydydd o'r edrych o'ch defrych eich? It's just like, what's going on? No, there is a moment. But listen, we've un-gone your pick for makes a great save as well. One of the reasons that we are struggling in second half is because of the lack of subs. That's like, I know Dave said before, we were holding on. We were holding on because they made four or five subs and we brought on Dave, it was only ten minutes ago. And that is a big difference at the moment. That is where we're struggling. As soon as that gets maybe just changed a little bit with obviously Nathan Paterson coming back into the squad, James Garner being fitter and Dominic Carmelun, hopefully fingers crossed which would, whatever else. And then you've got three extra bodies in the squad then. And then you can start. You've obviously got Michelin Cobach as well. That means that maybe he plays or Godfrey starts getting... And maybe the manager at week by week just gets a little bit more trust in maybe 14 players, 15 players rather than 12 and so on. And I do think that would make a massive difference to game management. Tenancy levels of management. Just being able to keep control of a game, saying, right, I'm going to take an on after an hour's looking shot. I'm going to take them off. I'm going to replace them with another player or whatever. And I know that I'm going to get the same levels because actually what's happening, I feel a little bit sorry for Tom Davis in a way because I feel like the game's passed them by now as a Premier League football in terms of statutes, physicality and everything. But when you throw a mum at 10 minutes to go and they've got, they've had players on for 20 minutes, I feel like he can't get up to speed quick enough. And you could probably say that about Mopai as well and whoever else comes on. But in the last few minutes of a game, when it's like, if I make one mistake here, I could cost us to be a striker. I think when you're coming on late, you've got to be a sprinter. Oh, you've got to be strong. No, what I'm saying is Mopai will always struggle because he's coming on. No, it's not even that. If he had one aspect, if he was really strong and big, you can get him back in and keep it. If he's quick, you can turn them and get them over the top. He doesn't do either. So you're right, he's trying to get up to that speed of the game. It's the worst thing ever been a sub. It's horrible because you come on and it takes you at least 10 minutes to just even get your breathing regulated to the pace of the game. With that, you've got your touch. So when you're giving someone four minutes or five minutes in the Premier League game, an old day fitter and everything else on the train and everything, but it's still difficult because you've got to feel it again as well. You're right, though, to the point where it is a critical moment, isn't it, you know, and I've never really thought about that before in so much as on one hand, you're coming on with fresh legs with the intention of being able to build upon the situation that they find themselves in the moment. So, you know, it could well be that, you know, you're an attacking player coming on because they're desperately trying to get that extra goal or, you know, it's Michelenko coming up the end as another defender just to kind of show up and protect him what we have. But as you say, when you come into a situation and you're not quite up with the pace of the game and we've seen this before, you know, I mean, Anthony Gordon's done this before in the past, doesn't he? Where, you know, you come on and actually one mistake at that point actually, you know, yeah, just takes away from where you are. As opposed to add anything to it. Yeah, it is difficult. And I think you're right, I mean, and I think we will see Lash of it Dave once his options are there. He hopefully will start to manage the game better because Saturday, Everton for an hour, but very, very good with the better team. Comfortably the better team. The last half an hour and then into the time they were. But I haven't still ended up with more attempts at goal on them, but they were better. I suppose you're just getting a trust as well, because I was just thinking then, you know, we've seen Tom Davis getting thrown into the middle of the park. I wonder as more trust grows, he might say, if a wobby's still running stronger, well, I'll put a wobby into the middle and maybe it's one of the wide men, because wide men I think are a lot easier to think. Well, especially if Dom comes back, then Greg can go wide, can he? You know, getting the player back sometimes frees up somewhere in two positions. So listen, it was a huge win, a big win. They were 12 on beating before Saturday. So, you know, they were no mugs then. We know that one up man city, of course, this season. So they are dangerous. Another clean sheet, like I said before, 75% win ratio at home. I think there's only four teams that have taken more points than ever since Dice come in. So that's all of them things like you said before, Dave. They're all pointing upwards, aren't they? They are and also I think... They are in a fight now. We are in a fight, but I think going back to the earlier chat about Sean Dyson and what we think of him and how he plays, et cetera, et cetera. I suppose trying to make a positive out of a negative is if the worst-case scenario happens and actually we don't manage to stay up, I still think that this is a long-term project because I think that the added bonus that we have with Sean Dyson is that he is perfectly equipped to deal with the championship as well. You know, I'm trying to look at positives from whatever angle, but it's not like we have somebody who might do a job for us now, but we then might have to think about chopping and changing again and some are dependent upon where we find ourselves. I think we actually have somebody now who is our manager, hopefully, for next season wherever we end up. Yeah, we were talking about this yesterday, Dave, in terms of where we find ourselves is not only as a club and as a fan base. You know, when we had, like, Aled Dice, we almost... Well, we did, didn't we? We looked down on that. Yeah, we looked down on the whole situation. Absolutely, yeah. Couldn't wait to get rid of him once he'd done his... It's a bit like, do your job and then... Yeah, get out. Yeah, and I think now as a fan base, we're all a bit like, yeah, this probably will work. We've seen what it's like to have people who are just not capable of doing the job and your right, Sean Dyson, no matter what anyone thinks of his style or how he comes across or anything, he does seem like he understands the job. And again, his style of play suits where we are right now. And there is something, again, going back to probably something like for us three in terms of, like, as adults, it does seem to be a moise feeling about it. For us, as we've grown up, as we grew up with moise, there was a... We were never sitting round discussing sacking him or anything. The stability we don't have. There was a continuity, there was a stability to it. And you get that feeling with Dyson as well as that. This is a fella that could help Everton just re-establish itself as a club that way who are just comfortable and then you build from that. And I don't think anyone's... Well, none of us are thinking, oh, you know what, with this and that, we could get top seven. But you know, it's... I thought the clubs have shown, get things right, you can do that. Absolutely. Since Meshiri coming, we've had no foundations. We were already disintegrating under Martin, as Wendy. And so everything... There's been no foundations at all under Farab Meshiri. But there's been no continuity and the constant chopping and changing of managers is why we arguably find ourselves in the position that we are now. And that's why, you know, we said it before, and our umpteen times, but that's why I do hope that Dyson has given a decent amount of time. Let's not forget as well. I mean, we've been talking about the fact that, you know, we regard Dyson as being the right man for us at the moment and, you know, doing the right sort of job. Don't forget as well, is that, you know, this will be the biggest job that he's ever had and arguably ever will have. You know, so... He's not looking to jump off somewhere else at the end. No, no. So this is a mutually beneficial situation. You know, we haven't got somebody, you know, arguably, if you look at somebody like Ancelottie, for example, Ancelottie didn't need Evan, you know. And, you know, he would or could have looked down his nose a little bit at Everton and kind of thought, you know what, this isn't really up to where I am in the world of football at the moment. And he'd be right. Forget about, you know, how big a club we are, but in terms of where we are in the football at the moment, you know, we're below where he has been and where indeed he is now. But with Sean Daish, that's not the case. And so hopefully it's a good match. We'll see. You know, let's not get too carried away. Let's see where we are. And, you know, we've got a tough runner games coming up and the situation could look far less rosy. It's not rosy, but it could look far more depressing in another week or Tuesday's time. Absolutely. And it's, yeah, it is early days. He's done well so far, but let's see what happens. But just a little far. I do hope that Conte is there for another month at Spurs. Yeah, yeah. Because they looked awful under him last week. That midweek game is one of the worst games I've seen in a long time. And so I just dearly hope that a change doesn't happen then before we face them on the 3rd of April. I think it is on that Monday night game. The wind, the wind give them a bit of space on Saturday. We did that. We had Echo Janus, Joe Thomas in Evidence correspondent yesterday. He just said one thing, we'll finish on Daish now. But he just said one thing and I thought it was really interesting. He said, when you're in the press conference, it was clear that Daish was in charge. He said, and without being disrespectful to Frank Lampard, Lampard still, and this has been far backened by someone else. He's going on Dante on a nice neck, so fair play to him. Well, fair play. But he still viewed as a player, I think, Frank. I still think he views himself, that kind of thing, where Daish is very much who he is, the manager. Anyway, that's it from Evidence to North Evidence. Barin. I said North Evidence. It is, we've done well, we've been positive. It was good, it was great, keep it going. We've got nearly half a podcast out of football alone, which we haven't done that for a long time. No, no. So this is where the podcast will pick up, no, don't move off from full stuff. But there is a football question in it for you to think about and answer as we finish. I'm not on your point, sure. Do I need a pen and paper, by the way? Well, you can scribble as we talk about other stuff, but Mike Corsgrover is a friend of the show. Well, friend of the channel, and he'll be in later, actually, to see. I am Mike. Loves 1878, loves you. FFM podcast, of course. Don't let Baz do the t-shirts. No, you're the t-shirt, man, so there you go. It's FFM, you tit. Yes, that's the new slogan. It's a fair play. It says, Monshawn Everton, Premier League five or side team at once up. You can't drop that on us. You've got half an hour to think about it. You can't drop that on us like that. That's the best way you can think about it too much. See, that sounds like a five or side team at once up. That sounds like a question for our new Thursday show over on top of the season. What's that? A round the tower. It would be, but it'd be just that, and Dave isn't on it. We'd love Dave to be on it. Come on, if you wanted to. Is he paddle boarding? I mean, listen, listen, listen, as my attendance this season would suggest, I'm not too busy for anything. I'll be on to you later, then, to get your availability. Dave, since we were last together last week, and I took sdich about the false hand from Ped. Sorry, I forgot about that. Are you going to do the story? Are you doing the whole story? Give a bit of the story about what happened at the end of the week. OK, this is selling boys and girls. This is tremendous. Shall I get comfortable for this? The reason I'm bringing it up is because last week's pod, we spoke about aliens, and the bush did talk about why did he always want to put things up your bum when you come visiting. They wear his things, they probe you up the bum. That's his world. That's not necessarily our world. There's anything wrong with that world, I'd like to say. There isn't anything wrong with that world and the bush's world. We are a broad church. Exactly, what a broader show. Anyway, Friday. He's talking about things being left, wasn't he? Things being implanted, whatever. Friday, I go to the opticians for a... Just haven't been for a while, and it's just a regular, and obviously, using computers. You don't wear glasses? I don't. I get the scans behind my eye and all that, so that's your evidence healthy, as you do. Mi mums ac glau co mi, so I have to keep it up. So I went. That's what it is, shit. Done all the stuff. Not my mum, obviously. What's going on here? Right, so I go with the opticians. Do all the stuff. If you imagine your trip to the opticians, it's like a percentage thing, all the checks you're doing. I'm on 97% of the check. Everything's great. So, the opticians are very nice, Lady. It goes all just through the final thing, with looking your eye at close range with these lights and whatever. You just have to shove the thing in your eye and be breathing into it, but that's gone, and days are gone. She says to me, you look like you've got a piece of metal in your eye. Done, done. So I'm thinking, that's a bit weird. Obviously it isn't that, is it? I think I'd remember having metal in my eye. So she goes and she says there's a rust ring in your eye. So I've got a piece of metal in my eye and it's a rust ring. A rust ring. We've all been there, Dave. No, no. Just not on that eye. Don't. And she got someone else coming in the aisle, second opinion, coming. Did he have a look at your rusty ring? She had a look at the rusty ring and said, had a look at the guidance and the guidance was go to A&E immediately. So I had to take myself off to St Paul's, which is in the new Royal Liverpool hospital. And I had to sit in the accident and emergency area for about three hours. And then I went and seen her three hours first. Yeah, there's the rusty ring. And then went and seen the doctor who lubed up the eye. Lubed up the rusty ring. None my eye and said, yeah, I'm going to take it out with the needle. And at which stage I thought, well, I'll just close my eyes. And then when my brain processed that, no, that ain't going to work. My throat is to your eye. So I had to sit there while the needle came into my eye and scooped out a piece of metal that was embedded in my eye. So I cannot really think. Hang on. Just to finish the story, then I will take questions from the floor. Just to finish the story. I don't remember any... He's both said to me, are you're a welder? Or are you... I can't be fairer than the truth. So I never remember metal being put in my eye at any stage. So that led me on to thinking about Andy Bush. He obviously was probed in the bum. But was I probed in the eye at some stage? Of alien? Cos I feel like ever since I've been that bad, I must have been taken to a different parallel universe where I've been a crap and there's a metal in my eye. Is that an alien thing? The universe that I've been a crap. So I'm ready to take questions. I have a question. As a person who visits the opticians on a regular basis, in fact I was there yesterday. There you go. For new contact lenses, which I'll tell you about in a moment. Actually it's more interesting than you think. I can't wait to go. No, honestly, these are mind-blowing contact lenses. I'm sorry, thanks. It's the right eye. You put it on the wrong eye. I've got it on the right eye. The time of recording, I'm not privy to this. So I can't go. Take your pity and send it to Dave. My point is that as somebody who puts in lenses every day, and even if you have like a tiny, tiny bit of loft or like a little bit of an eyelash or something, and you put that into your eye, that against your eye, excuse me, it kind of feels like a boulder. Like it feels quite substantial. So therefore for you to have had a piece of metal in your eye for so long, I mean, did it not feel like there was something irritating in there? There was no sort of gritty sensation. To be fair, that's the way it would be. The irritation, not really from the irritation. No, the only thing, because obviously the doctor in the hospital asked me this, was like, you've noticed anything. The only thing is sometimes when light was above me, it irritated me eye, but normal. Normal thing, no. It is dead weight because you're right. When you've had dust in your eye or anything, it's horrible. I remember eyelash horrible. Contact lenses, but I remember when I was a postman many, many years ago, I remember waking up one day with something in my eye, and I had to work a whole shift, and I don't think I've ever, it was something that actually worked its way to the back of my eye, and I don't think I've ever felt pain like it. It's horrible. And I went home and I just went to sleep and I woke up on it, it cleared itself out, but oh my God, wow, you've been dealing with a rusty ring, I'll never know. Dave, contact lenses, I am thinking of getting contact lenses. Are you now? Because interesting. I do need, I have glasses at home. I don't wear them on a year. I need them for like when the telly's on, and when I'm playing my PS5. Let's get it right. So what are your, like, you know, it's that whole touching your eye thing. What else? Yeah, come on, give us more details. You get used to that to be honest with you, and I was exactly the same. You know the way we were both wincing when he was talking about that needle coming, needles and eyes are not good bed mates as far as I'm concerned, but fingers and eyes, so to speak, are easier to match up. And I was the same as you when I first started wearing contact lenses, which is 20 odd years ago now, is that I couldn't, I used to have to get up for work an hour earlier because it used to take me that long to put the bloody things in, whereas now I can just, you know, bang, bang, bang. So I've had them for distance because I can't drive without them, because my eyesight, you know, anything beyond about that far is dreadful. So I've had this and had regular updates, but I was always fine in terms of being able to look at stuff close up, like my phone or a restaurant menu or something like that, but I'd noticed recently that my eyes were deteriorating a little bit in terms of the long-term vision, right? When I was driving, I realized that one in particular wasn't quite as sharp, right? My left one wasn't as sharp as my right one. Anyway, I go to the opticians. He does all these tests, right? And it turns out that what's happened is one of my eyes was doing the long-term stuff and one of the eyes was doing the short-term stuff, which meant that actually that's why I was able to do the whole phone thing and distance and whatever because one was prioritizing over the other, which actually isn't a bad way of doing things. So what he's done is he's evened them both up, but what that now means is that I can't see close up, right? So I now need to have little glasses until yesterday because I've now... Well, I'm now in the trial stages of a new world, right? I've been to the future and back and this is what I'd like to report, is that I've now got contact lenses which are multifocal, right? So you know about bifocal glasses where, you know, they're graduated so you can, like, read at the bottom and then see distance at the top. These are multifocal contact lenses and I was like, I said to my optician, it's not working, he goes, I don't know. I don't know because I felt like it's our little secret. It's a secret? So I'm currently trialling multifocal things which allow me to see distance and I've been driving in this morning and I can say that it was all safe and I didn't crash into anybody. But at the same time though, I can actually read stuff on a piece of paper up close like this because then another part of the lens is doing that bit and that I think is very clever. Do you notice that or does it just feel like you're as your working as they were probably intended to when you were younger? They're still getting used to it. I only put these in sort of yesterday. I'm on my second pair. But yeah, I think the early stages of the clinical trials are encouraging and I think, you know, maybe multifocal is not where you want to go at the moment, Ped, but if you are thinking about getting contact lenses generally, I would say that they are a good idea to recommend them. Well, I'll speak to an optician about it, Dave. I mean, they're the best people. I mean, they know what everything is about. I just like that you've gone full busted. You've gone to the year 3000. I'm not sure if it was underwater, but you've come back with it. I might have been at the year 3000 metal. But I loved the bar it was, Dave. On Friday I was here. I was doing a show with one of our one of our cohorts, John. I saw it. I was holding his hand all week. Hadn't he in that? And then he said to me, I mean the opticians, and suddenly it dawned on me, all he needed was a parrot. Yes. I was saying, how in a week could you get a bad hand that you can't use and a bad eye in a week? I don't have a bad eye. Someone had kissed me. And then the more I thought about it, the more I had visions of you in a week of hook with Chiang Towson's hair when he gets his wig whipped off and that's all I can think about. So I'm sure Nedd o Mochdar O'Fhor is at some point and put it on the thumbnail. I think it's all within his capability. How is the hand now? The hand is, I can bend it, but I can't. It's that thing where you know, you're looking, you go out, and you're trying to use it the way you can use your other hand so that the hand isn't actually all right. So it's very tender, but it's moving, so it's all right. John said to me, John messes me how are you when I'm sat. No, you didn't, but John did. When I'm sat in A&E. I don't need to ask you here. To day for your health. No, I was there when I was in the hospital. No, no, no, no. Lies, cos I said to you. Don't come back to work. That is from me. This is the best hug you can ever get. I was in here with John and Ned, and I'm telling you not to come back to work. That is like an ultimate thing. I get it, I get it. But what he said to me was, he went, go and get your hands checked while you're there. I was like, mate, I'm sat in A&E, I'm sat in A&E in the Ibis for three hours. I ain't then going to A&E in that main hospital for six hours. The shame that they don't have specialists that can deal with both of those. I thought there should have been any other issues while we're here. Probably a private hospital. The countries they do, don't they? Cos if you watch like Jackass when they do shove things up their arses, they go to a piss... I think it's called Jackass. No, that's the English version, isn't it? But it's like they go to people who specialise in taking things out their arses, right? And nobody do you. Obviously never seen Jackass. So basically what they do is they get little toy cars, put them inside condoms and shove them up their arses. Just because it's Jackass. I mean, that's what they do. And then they go and see a specialist. But the specialists they go and see are in those like when you go to America and you go to those little small retail parks that have the pizza places. They go to those places and they walk in and they just put the money down and go get this out my backstab please. Next to the nail. It's almost like a drive through. I tell you what it is. While you wait kind of service, which is always the best way to remove something out of your bottom, I always find. It's like when people turn up an A&E and stuff like that and they've accidentally got the Hoover attachment stuck up their bum. You know, oh, I'm sorry. I fell over and suddenly it lodged itself. Hoover and with roller skates will do that, Dave. I tell you what a big one that I believe and I don't know how we've got on to this but I believe there's a particular thing where men put a little blue tack on the bum. No, no, no. Somewhere else shut up. Honestly, I don't know but I've been told by a doctor. Blue tack. Blue tack, yeah. Don't tell me that. I don't know why. But a doctor, I got told, a doctor told me that that is like one of the biggest things they see. If you're talking about awkward situations, having blue tack is... I just don't get that. What's the other one? There's another one? Brits dick. I can't remember what it is. It's like a menthol thing. Like a vix in like an inhaler. Yeah, something like that. It's like a mini bum. No, not on their bum. But you see the thing is so but you can actually, my top tip is you can get close to that effect in a completely legal and socially acceptable way. Is that if you buy, have you seen those shampoos which are... Mint. Yeah, the minty ones or like the tea tree ones and stuff like that and you put them on, absolutely. And you know you do under your arms and stuff and you feel fresh and tingly. But then you go and obviously put it downstairs and suddenly it's a bit like it's a whole new sensation. You've got to shower downstairs. You're doing well mate. No, it's upstairs silly. Tingle. It's a tingle and fan. We would get on to this with your rusty ring. I should have known. So the long and short if it is, I probably need glasses I probably need glasses for reading because it is getting worse but it is perfect. Because I discovered my need for glasses because I was getting really bad headaches and I was like it's either a brain tumor or it's glasses and luckily it was the glasses. Although I broke my glasses the other day and I forgot they were on and I snapped the arm. That is my incredible strength. But that's what happens when you buy like seven pound glasses. It wasn't going to get good ones. They just told me I had to go to the hospital and they went, but before you go you're going to check out some frames. I'm thinking you've told me I've got to go to A&E because basically if it keeps embedding and gets worse it obviously is going to cause me even bigger issue and I'm looking going. I didn't even go to a shop and they were like, would you like to check out these hooks? Don't put them near your eye. Scratching your eye with your hook. There you go. I've had that very interest in me. On the surprising hand isn't great, but there you go. I mean if you had any other stories from your, I mean again once again the eye patch is on. It's a parrot now. I've had a dog for three weeks, but she's going back today and I'm going to be mad at her. Are you going to become a dogist? A dog, I would love to. This isn't on going battling our house. 80% of the house one to one and 20% doesn't, but the 20% is the boss. So, but she hasn't been going to the hospital and she's going to the hospital and she's going to the hospital so, but she has been embracing the dog for the last three weeks. My daughter wants to get a dog and I know what will happen. She's like I'll look after it and I'll walk it and I'll do this and I know what's going to happen. I'm going to be the one that has to go out in the piss and rain and whatever. And my sister's got a dog and so I just figure well just take her dog for all the benefits of actually dog ownership. The responsibility of dog ownership. Well, I've had like a shake. You know what, you're probably right. You're probably right. The dog is lovely though, I mean she's lovely. Why don't you just go and get an identical dog, bring it home, pretend it's that one and then go ha ha, this is our new dog. It's staying. What's she going to do? Is she going to kick the poor dog out? What kind of humanisation? Dogs are amazing. How's it out of dog is not a house? She is lovely. We have had the fine time. We have had the fine time. Having to dry your paws every time you go to the garden. My dog loves it. My dog will get wet on purpose. We'll go outside, go in the bush, get himself all wet just to get dry. He knows exactly what he's up to. He drags you out on the train and he loves it. I've got so many different coats every night. But you do it because you love them so you have no problem with that. And he comes in and they have special towels and you give them a good dry with those towels and then you put his dressing gown on and he loves dressing gown. This is real Dave by the way. He went outside. He's got a barber coat as well. But it was raining of course I'm going to put a barber coat on him. He's a dog. That's like saying that's a child. You dress your child slightly. Not really because dogs have coats and they're built to be outside. I know that but he looked good though. He looked good in a barber coat. You've got to say that. He did look good but I mean it's a barber coat. For a dog. But you could come in here wearing a bin bag and I could go well I kept you dyed but you won't. You'll wear something more expensive. His coat underneath his coat is immaculate because he doesn't get rained on. He has a barber coat. People who own dogs don't know what I'm talking about. You know we live and learn. There's two kinds of people. There's people who have dogs and there's wankers. You should get dogs man. They change your life. They're amazing. You don't come home to a house where you've always got that friendly face. No matter how bad your day is. It's great I took the recycling out the other day. So I said I'll be back now because it's like my shadow follows me down. So I shut the door and went out to put the recycling and then come back and it was like she hadn't seen me for about four hours. It was like literally 17 seconds. It was like test. No she's boss. I mean one of your kids came in here. You can't even bother to cut today. This was one of mine. You've just seen mine haven't you? Oh my god. We got wet last night. Oh my god. But the floodlights failed at the school so we were going to try until 10-7 but we were trenched. I'm honest to you this. I'm honest Dave, this Dave's got a fine out of here. But it's the one thing in my life that I hate going to get me here. I've hated it since I was a kid for no reason. For absolutely no reason. I go and before I go I get like not anxious but I'm like oh my god. I have to say if you go on the gym. No I know but it's something that we need to do in our life. Don't be otherwise I've been that long. The other thing is I think I don't know whether Dave relates to this but there's definitely certain things in your life that are I almost have to pluck up courage to do and even though there's so banile and there's loads of times I've gone to go to barbers and I've gone to go in and I've got a particular heckles I want and I've walked in and I've looked at the fair and I've looked around and I've just gone just do what you do normally mate. For some reason you just bottle it. It's just so weird though because there's nothing to it. There's like the same woman's clothes. This is why and I'm sure Dave can understand this. This is why I have my barber. This is why I book. This is why I go all the way to Scam to get rid of that. I sit down, the lad knows what I want. There's nobody else in there. That's what I've got with Adele. Well clearly Adele is not oldie so it's not happening. Yeah but the problem came. I will bring you back in now Dave. The problem came. I need to go in a minute Ashley. Okay well just wait. The problem came because Penny laying barbers. I've got about 60 seconds left. Okay finished it. So she only works. Well let's bring Dave on very quickly. Is there anything like that Dave that you have to do but you for no reason but you just don't like doing it and what is getting your hair cut? Is it body or not body but is it one hand thing to do? Does it bother me now I quite enjoy it because me and Gillian have a good chat. I quite enjoy that. The thing that I don't like doing is going to the dentist which is one of my current projects but that is something that I don't enjoy doing and it feels like some kind of torture. But no, hairdressing is fine. Optition is fine. Dentist is bad. I can't get a dentist. Well I'll tell you what, let's let Dave go and let's just have a cut. Sorry I've got someone trying to help me. I'll speak to you after that. Go on Dave. Take it easy. Let's finish off with dentist chat right? I feel like we've gone through all of the middle aged men isms here with all our little I haven't finished on hairdressing. Let me just give you the conundrum. You saw yesterday and people who watched it will have seen as well yesterday that Zach came in. Is someone at our live show? Sorry yeah. The weekend wrap up on something TV if you're not aware of such a show then maybe join toffee TV premiere and you can watch that show on a Monday. Yeah it's great. So obviously you've seen the state of Zach's hair yesterday. It's too long. I mean it is a disgrace. It is a disgrace. It's gone too far. It has gone too far. And this is the issue. This is the issue. So we've gone to Penny Lane. We've gone there I've gone there since I was about 10. And that variant people come. I've had the Delph for about 20 years now. Like you. I sit down. I don't have to engage in how do you want it. Because I ate at the odd time. When we've been going on holiday and I've gone in and she's off. And your heart sings because you think oh my God. And the person goes starts cutting it and keeps going you've literally been cutting for 17 seconds. What the fuck are you on about? None of that with the Delph. They cut it for 17 minutes and go Where's Mia? So none of that. But anyway, so with Delph's tenure that place comes to an end because of the people not because of her. So she's moving to drop days now because she's been doing it a long time. So she was in between shops so she went to a shop on a lot of road and went and seen her last time I had Mia cut. And then she's moved to Rose Lane. Can't you follow her? Mum I can but she's only in on a Monday and Tuesday. So therefore obviously makes it difficult because Zach's at school. So I'd say Zach. We go on a Zach factor. So he's needed his haircut. See this he wouldn't have this problem with the dog. No, I know he wouldn't. And I've needed my haircut. And she's not been around. And obviously I can't take her on a Monday and Tuesday because by the time he's on the school we're working. So therefore it's been like so she said she does mobile sometimes so I was like well all right she can come to the house and do it. But she's not, the two times I've asked her she's not been available to do it. And now she's gone on holiday. So it's got to the stage where he's fuming because he needs his haircut. So now my next challenges like I'm gonna have these the teachers are on strike tomorrow in Thursday. So there's a window of opportunity for him to get his barn a cut certainly before the weekend before he plays for the weekend. So I'm gonna after take a chance here. And I don't like taking a chance in terms of I don't know where to go. I can point you in a few directions. I want it to be close. It is close to here. In the middle of here in your house. So I'll relay the details here after the show. So on to dentistry now. Dentist obviously a massive thing you should keep up with it. But again dentist it's one of those things again, isn't it? Where if you after almost this is why I love everything being online because I'm just not comfortable with talking to people. I don't like answering the for someone who actually does this job I'm really like weird like talking to people. I find it really hard to talk to people and we spoke about this before like if I go anywhere and there's people and I don't speak to them in the face like 10 seconds of being like around them then it's sort of like a awkward thing and I just trying to stay away from them. I'm really socially awkward. I can't wonder why. But so like I love stuff being online so my dentist is now apparently I haven't been since COVID so I was all up to David and I was doing well and I had to add a couple of teeth and I was paying paying for my mother and father having a sweet chop essentially sweet tooth but I got on top of it got all the little fella said get those little tiny brushes the interbrushes the ones that go in between it's sort of don't he said me your gum is inflamed and all this because one of those things teeth in it if you don't feel pain you think they're alright but he was like no no your gums are really inflamed you know you're not in pain I was like no no he's like the arse so I had to get the COVID came I haven't mean back because again it's that thing of like if you're going and someone goes come back in six months if the appointment blah blah you're on it aren't you but when that stops so basically what's happened to my dentist is they've gone private but also they've brought in this new payment thing so it's like you can set up a thing £17 a month blah blah blah but if you don't set that up and you book an appointment online you have to pay the full price of it which is £53 but to get the £17 a month thing you have to go in and you're going to see this is where I'm going to have to go in and again I'll point in the direction of the dentist because it's not that far from yours I'm going to have to go in see them set the plan up and get it all sorted and again the problem with this is I am a last minute person I walk if we do a shower 12 I walk through the door 11.59 and I don't give any like I don't have any setup for anything again it's probably one of the reasons I do this it's like I am just the last minute guy on everything if someone says I don't get anywhere 10 minutes early I don't plan for anything I just so it's that thing again of being like getting off I've got to go to that but if someone says you have to be here at this time then it's like again I got a message from my PT who I haven't seen for quite a long time as you can see it's like you've got five sessions less that you've paid for and I'm like okay I haven't been the gym for ages I haven't been the gym since last July my last session was the week we went to America and again it was like I was going every single week and I was on it and then we went to America and that broke the thing and that was it then so again if he sets up a PT session for me I'll go because it's like he sets it up for me I'd be letting him down if he said 12 o'clock tomorrow I'd be there 12 o'clock tomorrow but I wouldn't go the gym this is like how my mind is just I think a lot of people do that it's just a lack of structure I told you this before it's a lack of structure but I think we all have it once we slip out of it it's like you'll get up and go I've got loads of time for work I'll do this and this if you don't actually start doing the stuff the next minute you think I've got to go to work and I haven't done anything everything needs to be planned these are the worst things by the way mobile phones the worst thing for stealing time because once you put them on and start messing and looking at stuff and stuff you don't even need to look at the time disappears the time stealers they're really bad for you that's what it is everything needs to be structured but I'm in a similar situation with the dentist we had a dentist brilliant and it was every six months and you'd go out and go give you the card you know when you're going off you go she left and went somewhere else I don't know where she went and the new people took over and I'll be honest you weren't getting a feel and the dentist he'd done me toot which there was nothing on with at the back it really didn't filled it and broke it so the confidence goes in and obviously Covid had hit so then six monthly things were gone out the window and all that so the last time I went was a while ago and it was that I come out he filled it and I was thinking add no real issues with the teeth I've got about four fillings but the reason you've add no issues is because you've kept on top of it and that's the thing she's got great teeth when she was a kid sweet she's had a mate she's still had stuff every now and again so this we drilled our kids with this but I'm in the same boat now and what happened was we got a letter a while ago I haven't been for ages going on the 31st of March and now she's got private because they've been in the NHS thing and my missus is going you need to go for the end of March and I'm just like I've got no inclination to go for it because I don't trust them because she's done that to me teeth so I'm looking around but the talking to me moment that there's a dentist on Moulton Road that they go to and it's the same drill dental plan but because I have so little stuff done it might literally just be where I think paying the go once a year if they dent her and go you've got stuff coming up that's the thing with the dentist you go and you feel like you're paying for nothing and then something bad will happen and then essentially you have to get it sorted and if you don't have it it's going back to the dogs it's like we have pet insurance right and you're paying but you know what if something bad happens you'll go thank the dog had a parvo and she was only a puppy and he was like we're paying through the nose for this we haven't got the money and I was like you can't say nothing to them can you afterwards and it's like that you drive around all the time you're paying X amount a month for it but you know what if something happens but now get your dentist and your barber if only it was like a two in one if only you could get your hair cut and get your teeth done at the same time bit like the hand on the eye get that done at the same time that's a good way to finish Mike we will do your five a side team next week we'll think about it and then we'll announce what it is in next weeks so there you go that's us that's the 1878 FM podcast for today so thanks very much for watching and listening wherever you are and we will see you next week take it easy bye