 Lux presents Hollywood. The Lux Radio Theatre brings you George Burns and Gracie Allen in Our Husbands Necessary. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. One cold winter's night 12 years ago, an unsuspecting nation turned on the radio and discovered George Burns and Gracie Allen. The microphone hasn't been the same since. Naturally, we're all a bit nervous in the Lux Radio Theatre tonight, but you understand that if anything unusual happens, it's due to circumstances entirely beyond our control. This week, we've borrowed George and Gracie from their usual Tuesday night habitat to appear in a full-length play. What they'll do to it, no one can predict. But though the setting is different, it's the same George and Gracie you've always known and loved, who star in the paramount comedy success Our Husbands Necessary. In the play, George works in a bank, and Gracie considers it her duty as a wife to help his career alarm, as if bankers didn't have enough trouble on their hands already. We have a little complaint on our hands tonight, too. It's from a lady in Toronto who writes, we listen every Monday to your Lux Radio Theatre. You always talk about women and Lux. We think you're overlooking something important. My daughter and I are volunteer workers at the Air Force lunch canteens. When the boys step up to our counters to get coffee and sandwiches, we frequently see a box of Lux flake tucked under one arm. We've come to the conclusion that some mother, wife or sweetheart, has told them how to take care of those socks and sweaters that have been knitted for them. My own son, an engineer officer in the Canadian Navy, takes Lux Flakes on board ship with him. I'd say the lady from Toronto has something there, and so have the boys. Now we'll turn the microphone over to the tender mercies of George Burns and Gracie Allen, as the curtain rises for the first act of Our Husbands Necessary, starring George as Jim Cougat and Gracie as Jane Cougat. Mr. and Mrs. Cougat are normal every day man and wife. Well, Mr. Cougat is normal. His wife is either above or below. It's hard to tell. On the normal every day morning, Jim Cougat jumps out of bed at 8 sharp, rushes through his shaving, rushes through his breakfast, rushes upstairs to kiss his wife goodbye. This being a normal every day morning, Jim Cougat is rushing. Oh, Janey, I'm leaving, Janey. Oh, good morning, Jim, dear. Are you ready for me to pick out your neck tie? Oh, never mind, sweetheart. I've already got one on. Oh, let me see the one you picked out. I knew you needed me. Take it off there. What's wrong with it? Well, it's red and you should never wear red with green. They clash. Janey, I've got on a white shirt and a blue shirt suit. I'm not wearing anything green. Oh, yes, you are. I laid out your shorts myself. Oh, those. Well, thanks for saving me from a terrible social blunder. You're welcome, dear. My goodness, I hate to think what you look like after junior arrives. I won't have much time for you then. Yeah, probably put on a hat that doesn't match my suspenders and everybody will laugh at me. Ah, but it'll be worth it. We'll have a little boy of our very own. Do you still think you'd rather adopt one? Yes, Jim. I suppose I should be ashamed of myself. I suppose I'm just weak, but I couldn't stand to see you suffer. Well, maybe I wouldn't suffer so much. All fathers do, especially the first time. The husband of a friend of mine almost lost his mind. Really? Yes, he was afraid he wouldn't be there to call a doctor. So for days he just sat by the telephone and ate nothing but a few radishes and a small chunk out of the mouthpiece. I guess it's pretty hard on a man. My friend finally told him to call the doctor and he did, but when the doctor does there, he couldn't do a thing for her. He couldn't? No, he was a veterinary. Well, goodbye, Janie. You know, I couldn't take a chance in making a nervous wreck out of you. You've got to be at your very best when Mr. Atterbury makes you the new vice president of the bank. Don't count on that job too much, Jane. Chuck, you know, Chuck Rayleigh is being considered, too. But you're the smartest, cleverest, most brilliant man in town. Oh, now wait a minute. Oh, it's true, Jim. I tell that to everybody when they ask me what I ever saw in you. Well, that's nice. You just lack confidence, that's all. If you go right into the president's office and say, Mr. Atterbury, I... Oh, wait. I've got a wonderful idea. What? I'll go to Mr. Atterbury and tell him you're the only man for the job. I'll make him listen. Oh, no, you won't. Why not? You know how clever I am. That's exactly what I mean. You stay away from Atterbury. Don't ever let me catch you talking to him. Oh, dear. But if I had the chance, I still think I... Bless you. I still think I could wrap Mr. Atterbury... Jim, did you sneeze? Yes. Oh, you poor darling. Don't get excited. I've sneezed before. Jim, you better not go to the bank today. You may be dangerously ill. Oh, stop being silly. Oh, I mean it. Tell me the truth, dear. When you first set up this morning, did the floor feel cold to your bare feet? Oh, yes. I knew it. And when you took a hot shower, did the water feel warm? Oh, yes, but... You see, you've got all the symptoms. Symptoms of what? Well, they could develop into anything. Stick out your tongue there. Oh, my goodness. You've got a temperature of 104. You can tell that from my tongue? Oh, sure. All you do with a thermometer is put it in your mouth, and your tongue is already in your mouth. But I don't feel... You get your clothes off and get back to bed, Jim. I'll bring you some medicine. Yeah, I am. Where do we keep our medicine, Nellie? Well, I put it in the medicine cabinet, ma'am. Well, what a clever idea. Before you came, I just put it any old place. Well, come along into the bathroom and help me pick out some medicine for Mr. Cougat. What is it, Mrs. Cougat, ma'am? Nothing. He's perfectly healthy. But healthy folks don't need no medicine. I'll tell you a little secret, Nellie. I want him to think he's sick so I can run down to the bank and have a talk with his boss. You sure have a caution. Well, open the cabinet and let's see what we have here. As long as he's not sick, I'd rather give him something to taste nice. Well, the pink stuff in that big bottle is might as sweet and soothing. I took some and I had a misery in my tomb. All right, I'll try it. The label is full of things with funny Latin names, but I don't suppose they could hurt him. After all, it says 97% alcohol. That only leaves 3% Latin. Why, don't you breathe a word of this, Nellie? Oh, I won, ma'am. Well, here's your medicine, Jim. How are you feeling now? Oh, gee, it's the downest thing I felt swell when I got up. And now I'm starting to ache all over. Oh, naturally. But I think we caught it in time. Now, keep covered up, Jim. You can't afford to have a cold when we adopt Junior. It might be hereditary. Oh, sure. Well, I've got some errands to go do downtown, so I'll go along. I won't be long. Jane, wait a minute. Yes? Remember what I said. Don't go near Mr. Adderberry. Jim, you don't trust me. He was very brave, Mr. Adderberry. He wanted to come to work, but I forced him to stay in bed. Oh, poor boy. Well, tell him he didn't worry, Jane. Tell him to take a week off or even a month off. Without pay, of course. Without pay? Yes, money isn't everything. Oh, I'm afraid we couldn't afford that, Mr. Adderberry, not with Junior on the way. Junior? You mean a baby? When do you expect it? Oh, whenever it's convenient. Well, it's convenient. That's right. Naturally, I'll wait until after holiday. Well, I'll be. Oh, as a matter of fact, I'll probably adopt him the day after the sale. Oh, adopt him? He had me worried for a minute. Ah, Jim's a little worried, too. He thinks he doesn't make enough to support Junior until Junior is old enough to support him. But I told him you'd fix that and make him the new Vice President. You will, won't you? Well, frankly, at the moment, Chuck Rayleigh is very much in the running. Oh. You see, Chuck made a shrewd move recently, bought a piece of property in which an out of town financier, Mr. O'Toole, is interested as a factory site. The consummation of the deal will bring an important account to this bank. Oh, he may be shrewd, but I don't like that Chuck Rayleigh. He never dances when they play a rumber at the club. He just stands behind some girl and watches. I don't want you to feel that Jim has no chance, Jane. My final decision is yet to be made and will naturally be a fair, square, and honest one. Oh, thank you, Mr. Adderberry, and I'm sure Jim will make a wonderful Vice President. Home again, dear. How was my precious patient feeling now? Not so bad. I guess I was pretty sick. But I'm the type that fights back. Ah, yes, we. Where have you been? Oh, I've been fine. I guess your disease isn't contained. No, no, no. I said, where have you been? Oh, where? Well, I've been to the market. Are you asking me or telling me? I'm telling you, I went to the market to get you a big, thick t-bone steak. Jane. But all I could find was a big, thick fish. I don't know if it had a t-bone, but it had lots of other bones. So I decided. Jane, Jane, are you sure you went to the market? Have you been taking your medicine, dear? Yes. Are you sure that you didn't- How much have you taken? Three spoons. Oh, that's not nearly enough. I'll pour you a big, glassful. I don't think I'd better, Jane. That stuff seems to make me kind of dizzy. Here, drink it down. Oh, all right. It's awful. Now, what are we talking about? Oh, nothing important. Any mail this morning, dear? Yeah, I'm glad you mentioned it. I got to notice that another installment is doing those silly lots you bought last year. Of all the idiotic things you've ever done. I'll buy another glass of medicine, dear. No. Of all the idiotic things you've ever done, buying those lots was the worst. Sixteen of them, right on top of a swamp that was filled in in 1888. Here's your medicine, dear. Oh, all right. Now, how did you ever let- Say, that's the dumbest stuff. How did you ever let that crooked real estate dealer rope you in? Well, I wanted a place to build a home of our own, Jim, and that development had such a lovely name. Peek-a-boo acres. Hmm. Fine thing to call a swamp. Honestly, Jane, there are times- Say, that medicine is beginning to hit the spot. I've got sort of a warm, healthy glow. My dear? Sure, fill her up. Stuff's a regular tonic. Must have the prescription renewed. Well, here goes. Oh, well, I'm sorry. You're so mad about the- Oh, never mind, sweetheart. Just forget the whole thing. Uh-huh. You're such a nice husband, Jim. But I'm so stupid. You're nothing of the kind. You're the best little world in the wife. What did you say? I said you're the best little world in the wife. What's the matter? Can't you understand English? Don't you mean understand English? That's pro-what-less. I said. Jim, are you getting a fever? An honest, a goodness fever? Oh, don't be ridiculous. It never felt better. Never felt better and better and better. Well, you certainly act sort of- Oh, dear. Uh, Millie, will you answer the door? Jim, are you sure you're all right? Absolutely. And I owe it all to the level of medicine. And now- Mr. Adderberry. Well, hello, Jane. I just dropped in to cheer up the patient. Oh, I see he's no longer confined to his bed. I add a very old man. Pull up a chair and rest your surface. Well, I must say, Jim, that you scarcely sound like a man whose health is impaired. Who said it was? There's nothing wrong with my health, Mr. Attitude, and I resent your Adderberry. Well, you see, Mr. Adderberry? Yes, I do see. I've been harboring a drunken viper in the bosom of the Fidelity Bank and Trust Company. But if you don't- I've heard enough. Sick, huh? Bah! Wants to be vice president, eh? Bah! Adderberry. Of all you can do is per-per-to want you around. I'm leaving at once. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, Jim, this is dreadful. What a terrible thing. Yeah, pretty bad. Poor old Adderberry. Titles and all. This is who? Would you repeat that? Oh, I'm afraid you'd better spell it. Em, Jim and I won't be able to have dinner with you tonight. No, we're going to a dance at the country club. Yeah, Jim is kind of upset, and it'll take his mind off things. No, no, nothing serious. He took some medicine with a lot of alcohol in it, and it made him tipsy. Imagine alcohol doing that. I only thought Whiskey did it. Listen, Adderberry saw him and got awfully mad, but I called him up on the phone later and straightened everything out. Honestly, I don't know what Jim would do without me. Thanks for the dance, sweetheart. Let's go out on the terrace and find our table. All right. Good evening, Jim, and how is my unworthy opponent this evening? Now, see here, Chuck Rayleigh. Shub off, Chuck. You're not wanted. Well, those are harsh words, my boy, especially from one of the hired help who will soon be taking orders from me. You're celebrating a little too soon, Chuck. Really? Don't forget, I own the land that means a big account for old WJ. That makes me the fair-haired boy. Oh, ignore him, Jim. He may think he has influence, but so did Mussolini's sudden law. You said it. Well, have your laugh now, Jim. I'll have mine when you're looking stamps to put on the vice president's mail. Listen, you conceited bag of wings. Oh, Jimsy-Wimsy Boojums. Huh? What? It's me, Myra. Don't tell me you've forgotten little Myra. Well, I... I'll bet one of my special kisses will take that blank look off your face. Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute. Remember me now? Someone you know, dear? Yeah, it's Myra from a hometown. We went to school together. Myra Rutley. Yes, I'm spending a week with some friends here. Oh, gosh, what a dull town. But it won't seem now that I've met my sweet old Boojums. Just what makes you so sure that he's your sweet old Boojums? Who's she, Jimsy? My wife. Oh. Well, that's Myra. Always putting her foot at it. Hmm. Who's your handsome boyfriend? That's Mr. Rayleigh, Chuck Rayleigh. Why don't you and Myra have a dance, Chuck, old man? Sure. Let's go inside, beautiful, and be the handsomest couple on the floor. In a minute, Chuckie. Jimsy and I want to talk over old time. Don't we, you old Boojums? Well, I... So you're actually a married man. Well, gee, am I surprised? What's so surprising about it? Well, he used to be so bashful. Gors, he had his moments. Myra, why don't you and Chuck have that dance now? All right. But I'll be back, you old Boojums. Come along, Chuckie. Oh, boy. What a relief. Your friend Myra is very lovely, Jim. Such big eyes with circles to match. That man-crazy female is no friend of mine. I never could stand her. Don't you believe it? No, I don't, you old Boojums. Oh, now please. Please don't cry. There's nothing to cry about. If she's what you want, you're going to have her. I won't stand in your way. He's not what I want. But don't try to spare me, Jim. Do you need me now that the old flame has been rekindled? You can't burn your candle at both ends. Sweetheart, if you're lonely, listen. Well, back again, Jimsy. Oh, yeah, so soon. Yes. I was telling Chuckie about that tricky little step where he used to do and he wants to see it. Yeah. Look, Myra, I'm kind of tired. Oh, go, Jim, dance with her. But, Sweetheart, I... Oh, dance with her, Jim, dance. Sit here with my memory. Now, you see, your wife says it's all right. But come on, Jimsy. You'll be okay if you don't have to yank my arm off. Jealous, Janie? No, no, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters now. You sound pretty low. How about a drink to drown your sorrow? A drink? A drink? Yes. I'll have one. I'll show him that I don't care. Order me a cherry phosphate. May I have the pleasure of this dance if your husband... Oh, it's Chuck. Where is Jim? Oh, he's gone, Mr. Atterbury. He's gone like rats that pass the sinking ship in the night. What? She means he's inside cutting up capers with an old girlfriend. Oh, he is, huh? Yes, Mr. Atterbury, but you mustn't blame him. He's just weak. There, there, my child. He's not worth your tears. Oh, Sweetheart, I finally ditched Myra. Oh, hello, W.J. Don't speak to me, you scoundrel. Huh? Same on you for bringing grief to this brave little woman. You'll never be our vice president, Cougar. A philanderer will never be an officer of the Fidelity Bank and Trust Company. Philanderer? Too bad, old man. Of course, you never wore much competition. Well, you keep out of this unless you want to punch in the nose. Now, see here, Jane. Oh, a tough guy, huh? Yeah, tough enough to slap you down. All right, Riley, you've been asking for this a long time, and now you're going to get it. Cougar, you should be ashamed of yourself. Now get up off that floor and let's go home. My friends and Gracie Allen will return in a moment for act two of Our Husband's Necessary. Now, let's listen a minute. Here's a message for you. New improved luxe is the mildest, safest ever made. Yes, right now, when fabrics may be irreplaceable, there's a better-than-ever luxe to help you save them. Give more of your washables this super safe luxe care. Not only under things, stockings, and dresses, but children's clothes, gay cottons, all your colored things. Save colors the luxe way. Never put them in the family wash. And sweaters, knitwear, blankets. Gentle luxe care, guards against shrinking, matting, household things. Washable slip covers, curtains, table linens last longer with luxe care. All these things are more precious in wartime, and gentle luxe has been improved three ways to help you save them. It's the mildest, safest luxe ever made. Its suds are richer, more cleansing. They're longer lasting suds that do more work. They're very thrifted. Our producer has new improved luxe now in the same familiar box. Buy it tomorrow and see for yourself that luxe things last longer. Now, our producer, Mr. DeMille. Act two of our husband's necessary, starring George Burns as Jim and Gracie Allen as Jane. Having been knocked cold by Chuck Rayleigh, his rival for the vice presidency of the bank, Jim is at home the following morning, nesting a black eye and an overtired temper. Concealing him is the cause of all his woes, Jane. Is that piece of steak helping your eye, darling? I guess so. I never could have gotten it, but I told the butcher we needed it for medicinal purposes. Don, that's Chuck Rayleigh anyhow. Are you going to pick another fight for them, Jim? Why? Well, if you are, I wish you'd pick a Thursday. We're having company and another piece of steak could come in handy. That's right, joke about it. Fine mess you got me in. I'm ashamed to go to the bank. Everyone will laugh at me for letting you cream puff like Chuck Rayleigh, give me a black eye. Oh, don't worry, dear. They'll never know the truth. I've already fixed an alibi for you. You have? Uh-huh. I told everybody at the bank that I did it. Look, honey, will you please stop trying to fix things for me? But Jim, a wife is supposed to help her husband. My mother told me that the day I married you. I thought your mother didn't like me. Oh, oh, you just got that impression because she won't speak to you. Yeah, that's how I got that impression. Mother said to me, she says, Jane, always help Jim. If he has to struggle for a living, help him. If the breaks go against him and he has troubles, help him. And if he gets so discouraged he wants to jump off the bridge, help him. Help him. I know your mother. Jane, will you please stay out of my business. Look what you've done to me. All my money is sunk and swamped. I've got a black eye. I'm in bad with the boss. I've lost the vice-presidency of the bank. I'm the laughing stock of my friends all because of your meddling. Oh, Jim, I believe you're a little annoyed with me. Well, I certainly am. Oh, bet you Sara, you married me. I certainly am. Bet you wish you'd marry Mara Rutledge instead of me. I certainly do. Oh, Jim. Oh, no, honey, I lost my temper. I didn't mean it. You hate me. You want me to go back to my mother. Oh, no, I don't. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. Oh, well, I'm going upstairs. Millie, bring Mrs. Cougat a cup of tea. Oh, bet he goes right out and marries Mara Rutledge. Well, if he goes, I'll leave him. My goodness, Mrs. Cougat, you look like you lost your last friend. What's the matter? Oh, Mr. Cougat is mad at me. He says I interfere with his work and cause him trouble. You seem to have a knack for lousin' that man up. Now, if you don't mind my saying so, ma'am, the quicker you adopt that baby, the better. Do you think so, Millie? Oh, yes, ma'am. You know, there ain't nothin' like a little baby to see me in a home while my husband was fixin' to throw me out and then before his baby came. And that stopped him? Oh, yes, ma'am. I had nine more before he finally threw me out. Ten children? Yes, ma'am. Oh, I don't think Jim would like that many. Although, come to think of it, there were 12 children in his family, six sets of twins. Number twins? Uh-huh. Jim's father made bookends for a living and it affected his whole life. Oh. Well, now, if I was you, ma'am, I'd get right over to that home where it has the babies and kick me out a little bundle of sunshine. Oh, all right, Millie. I'll go right away. And I hope you write about that description. The last time I held a baby in my lap, it wasn't exactly sunshine. I'm sorry, Mrs. Cougat, but there's a waiting period of six months between the time you apply for a baby and the time we can let you have one. Oh, dear, six months. Couldn't we cut that down just a teeny little bit? Possibly. When would you want the child? Today. I'm afraid that's impossible. You see, we have to make a complete and thorough investigation of both you and your husband. Oh. Oh, well, I can tell you everything you want to know. Let's start with Jim. He's honest, dependable, brown hair. He doesn't drink. He smokes a little, but he doesn't inhale. And he dances divinely. And, uh, oh, he's very cuddly. That is not exactly the type of information we need. Our questions concern your husband's character, his position, his finances. Is he financially able to care for a child? Oh, my goodness, yes. Jim does very well. He earns money almost as fast as I can spend it. I see. What does your husband do? He's a banker. Oh. Yes, he's practically the president. They couldn't get along without him. I see. Well, we can confirm that by telephoning the bank. Oh, don't call the bank and ask about Jim. Why not? They think he's a dope. I am becoming more and more convinced that a complete investigation is necessary in this case. However, as long as you're here, we might as well fill out the questionnaire. Which would you prefer to adopt? A girl baby or a boy baby? Oh, a boy. I thought it would be nice if I could find one that resembles my husband. Wives frequently make that request. Could you describe your husband? Oh, better than that. Here's a picture of Jim. Hmm. If I were you, I believe I'd abandon the idea. Oh. Well, don't you have any babies right now that look like him? To my knowledge, we never have had one. Oh. Well, maybe one will show up. Maybe you just missed it. Possibly. I've only been here 30 years. Let's get on with the questions. Have you got a yard for the child to play in? Well, it's the... Oh, yes. Yes, I've got a real playground for the baby. You have? Yes, it's a piece of property I bought. It's just the place for the baby to play. There are no houses, no people, no traffic. Really? Yes, it's a swamp. Mrs. Coogat. I don't believe we need to go further with the questionnaire. I am convinced that you are not the type of person with whom I could entrust a baby. But I'm wonderful with babies. Honestly, I am. I know how long to boil a bass in that and how to fold those little three-cornered formulas. I know all those... I am sorry, but the matter is closed. We cannot consider your adopting one of our babies. Oh, dear. Well, I have to get in good with Jim some way. I either have to get a baby or make him a vice president. I'd suggest you try the vice presidency. Mr. Adderberry, I'm not asking for the moon. Jane, you're a brave little woman to stand up for that man after the way he's treated you, but I cannot entrust a vice presidency to that wolf. Jim isn't a wolf. Not much. I watched him dancing with that Rutledge woman last night. I saw how tight he held her. Oh, that wasn't Jim's fault. He has to hold on when they play a fast number. There you go, protecting him again. You better tell Jim to forget the vice presidency, Jane. I'm sorry, but Chuck Rayleigh is the man for the job. Oh, Chuck Rayleigh. He's nothing but a big bully hitting my poor Jimmy in the eye. Jim's as big as he is. Why didn't he hit him back? Because Jim happens to be a gentleman and a very poor fighter. Well, you tell Jim that he's lucky to have a job in this bank at all. Chuck Rayleigh had the foresight to buy up the very best factory location in town. And once that factory is built, we get the O'Toole account. That's why I'm making Rayleigh the vice president. Well, it certainly doesn't sound fair. That's one of the first laws of business, Jane. You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Yes, we'll probably cinch the whole deal at the party I'm giving for Mr. O'Toole this weekend. Oh, a party? Oh, that's wonderful, Jim, as it's scream at parties. He rose his pants up so his goddess show, and then he sings the last time I saw Paris. Oh, he's wonderful! Yes, I'm sure it's very hilarious, but Jim won't be there. Oh, yes, he will. I'll bring him myself. I'm sorry, Jane, but Jim is not invited. I can't risk having him mess up this deal with O'Toole. But Mr. Atterbury... I'd be glad to invite Jim to a party if he ever brings me a big account like Chuck did. Remember what I said about business, Jane? You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Gee, this is wonderful. Yes. Are you sure Mr. Atterbury insisted on my coming to the party? Oh, he was very definite about you, Jim. Well, I'll be done. Maybe I'll get that vice presidency yet. Jim... Yes? Why don't you ever scratch Mr. Atterbury's back? Huh? Well, that's the only way you're going to get it. What are you talking about? Oh, that's one of the big laws of business. You scratch Mr. Atterbury's back and he'll scratch mine. Janey, are you feeling all right? Oh, never mind, Jim. Oh, stop, stop! You almost passed Mr. Atterbury's house. Boy, what a mansion. That's the kind of place we're going to have when I'm running the bank. Come on, Janey. Uh-uh, here comes Chuck Rayleigh. Oh, quick, Jim, put on your glasses. I'm not afraid of him. Gee, where are they? Yeah, Cougar, how's the eye? Oh, hello, Jane. Mindy sporting of you folks to come and see me get the vice presidency? You haven't got it yet. Are you kidding? Oh, Tula's drooling from my property to build his factory on. Ray will give me the bank and throw in his house, his stocks, and probably his wife. In fact, everything but his new Austin. He thinks more of that than he does his wife. Oh, that's terrible. Oh, yeah? Show me a wife that gets 57 miles to the gallon. Oh! Come on, Jane. Let's go in the house. Oh, here comes Mr. Atterbury. Oh, now look at Mr. O'Toole with them. Hello, Mr. O'Toole. Hello, Mr. Atterbury. Hello, WJ. What? Why, Cougar, what are you doing here? What? Well, here we are, Mr. Atterbury. Better late than never. I differ with you. Well, Atterbury, are you going to introduce me? Oh, oh, yes. Of course, Mr. O'Toole. Oh, Mr. O'Toole, is it? Half-faith, and I've heard what a great businessman you are, Mr. O'Toole. But no one was after telling me you were such a handsome devil. Well, I haven't heard a brook like that in years. You know, Carline, I was fearing this would be a dull party. But the likes of you could brighten away with your vile and smile and your eyes as blue as the lakes of Calarne. Ah, stop with your blarney now. Sure, and it's me you've got blushing. In front of James, whom I'm hoping you'll use your influence to make Vice President out of Mr. Atterbury's bank. About my Austin, about my Austin, O'Toole. 57 miles to the gallon, I wouldn't sell it for 5,000... Yes, yes, yes, I know. Carline, who did you say you were after wanting to be Vice President of the bank? Mr. James O'Cougat. O'Cougat? I've got an idea, O'Toole. Hop in, I'll take you for a ride in my new Austin. 57 miles to the gallon, I wouldn't sell it for $5,000. No, sir, I would... You're out of our eight dinner, sir. Come along in the house, Mr. O'Toole. We mustn't let dinner get cold. Jane, don't you think you overdid that a little bit? Telling him my name was O'Cougat? It's the law of business, Jim. Chuck Rayleigh may be scratching Mr. Atterbury's back, but I'm scratching Mr. O'Toole's back with a shamrock. Did you enjoy your dinner, Mr. O'Toole? Oh, fine, fine, but I'd have enjoyed it more if you receded me next to that little Irish girl. I think she wanted to talk to me. Well, you see, I thought we could discuss a little business, Mr. O'Toole. Oh, here she comes. Well, well, well, Carly. Mr. O'Toole, sure, when we got separated in such a hurry, I didn't even get a chance to introduce myself. I'm Jane O'Cougat, and this is the man I mentioned, Mr. O'Cougat. How do you do? Mr. O'Cougat, it's a pleasure to take your hand, sir. Thanks. It is a mighty pretty darty you have here. Jim is my husband. He's the man I want you to use your influence to make the vice president. A toast, ladies and gentlemen. I propose a toast to that brilliant young man whose foresight provided the property Mr. O'Toole needs for his factory. The next vice president of the bank, Chuck Rayleigh. Jane, Jane, Mrs. O'Cougat. Well, I don't care. I think my husband ought to be vice president. Chuck Rayleigh has pulled the wool over your eyes long enough. Now, why don't you give Jim a chance? Oh, fine. Another toast, ladies and gentlemen. A toast to Mr. Terrence O'Toole. A great man. A self-made man. Come, come, Mr. Hatterbury. There's nothing so great about being a self-made man. I never mention the fact that when I was a lad, every morning of my life, I had to crack ice in a pitcher to wash myself and then thread six miles through the freezing snow to school. I never mention that. That's nice. Never mentioning. Nevertheless, I say you are a great man. And I say great, ladies and gentlemen, because, believe it or not, Mr. O'Toole never got past the eighth grade in school. Jim is even greater. He never got past the fifth grade. Oh, come on, Jane. We're getting out of here right now. Oh, goodbye, everybody. Nice party. Well, Jane, this time you really fixed me good. Oh, thanks, Jim. I thought I handled it very well. Oh, come on. Let's go home. Oh, wait, Jim, just for a minute. I want to see what it's like to be the wife of a bank president. And how can you do that? Well, I'll sit in Mr. Atterbury's Austin and they believe I'm driving to the rip, you know, to have lunch with some other bank president's wife like Mrs. First National or Mrs. Farmer's Trust. Oh, yes. Mrs. Piggy will be there, too. Her husband owns all the Piggy banks. Oh, Jim. Jane, don't touch that, Austin. You know how much Atterbury thinks of it. Well, I won't hurt it, dear. Oh, look at all these cute little gadgets. Now, Jane, come out of that car. Hey, don't touch that thing. Oh, look, Jim. Jane, that's the start of your... Janey, you're moving. Yeah, I know. And so is the car. Janey, stop. Stop the car. Oh, there are too many gadgets. Janey, look out. You're headed through a tree. Oh, Jimmy. Janey! Are you all right? Are you hurt? Oh, sure. I'm all right. I've all places to have a tree right in the middle of the yard. Oh, what's the matter here? What happened? What... Oh, my Austin. Well, you see, it was... I was... There's been an accident. An accident? Who got this as the last straw? You threw, who got? You're fired. But Jim didn't do it. It was all my fault. Too late to protect him now. Oh, my beautiful Austin that gets 57 miles to the gallon. My lovely Austin that I wouldn't sell for $5,000. I would if I were you. Oh, for station identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. Act 3 of Our Husbands Necessary, starring George Burns and Gracie Allen, follows after a brief intermission. Now, here's what Mrs. Marion Frederick said. I knew Lox was gentle, of course, but I had no idea it was so much kinder to hands than other soaps. Mrs. Frederick is the wife of an Army Air Corps lieutenant, and she's one of the many women who made the famous Lox test of dishwashing soaps. She saw for herself that merely changing from a strong soap to gentle Lox gets rid of dishpan redness. Within a week after she changed to Lox, the redness and irritation caused by the strong soap began to clear, and sooner hands were soft and lovely again. Here's how she describes it. My hands got so red and horrid looking in the other soap, my husband almost had a fit, and I don't blame him. They did look awful. It's really wonderful how just changing to Lox made my hands soft and smooth again. I didn't use any creams or lotions. Just changed to Lox. These tests certainly prove to me it doesn't pay to use ordinary dishwashing soaps when Lox is so kind to hands, and so inexpensive to use. New improved Lox is the mildest, safest ever made. Its suds are richer, longer lasting than ever, so it's very thrifty too. Get a generous big box of Lox flakes from your dealer tomorrow. Use it for your dishes every day to save your hands. And if you've let them get that ugly dishpan look, see how quickly it disappears in these gentler than ever suds. New improved Lox comes in the same familiar way New improved Lox comes in the same familiar box. Your dealer has it now. Mr. DeMille returns to the microphone. After the play, we'll make a strong attempt to find out what Gracie Allen is really like. But here's the third act of our husband's necessary, starring George Burns and Gracie Allen. Jim Cougat's chance of becoming vice president has been completely wrecked along with Mr. Atterbury's car. Now with fear and trembling, Jim approaches the great man's office and knocks timidly on the door. Come in. Oh, so it's you, Cougat. Yes, sir. I want to apologize for what happened last night, and I... well, I... Mr. Atterbury, would you please give me my job back? Give you your job back? Oh, you don't have to answer right away. Just consider it for a while. Will you, Mr. Atterbury? Well, I'll tell you what we'll do, Cougat. If you get another job during the next week, take it. But if you don't get another job, look for one. In the meantime, if you don't get in touch with us, we won't get in touch with you. Good day! Oh, wait a minute, Mr. Atterbury. I've been with this bank a long time. I started here as a novice boy and worked my way up step-by-step to what I am now. Are you kidding? That's one step. But I've been here 11 years, Mr. Atterbury. I've seen a lot of men come and go in this bank. And a few of them with the cash drawer under their arm. Yes, I wonder how cousin Harry's getting along in South America. Mr. Atterbury, won't you take me back? Well, all right. But you've got to start at the bottom again, Cougat. You... you mean... Exactly. Take that waste paper basket out and empty it. Oh, no. Office for you again? Yes. Mr. Atterbury. Oh, good morning, Chuck, my boy. Well, well, well, good morning, WJ. Oh, and Cougat. Good morning, Cougat. Although I don't know that a vice president should be on such familiar terms with a clerk. Uh, Cougat is now the office boy. No. Back where you belong, eh? You are the biggest heel I ever met. Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. Oh, pardon me. You are the biggest heel I ever met, sir. That's better. But to show you there's no hard feelings, Jim Oldman, I'm giving a little party at the house tonight to celebrate my new job and announce my engagement to Myra. And I'd like to have you and your wife come, too. Well, now that's mighty decent of you, Chuck. Yeah, he's a prince. I know you'll both be very happy when you watch Mr. O'Toole hand me his personal check for that factory site I sold him. Uh, Cougat, drop in my office around noon. I'll send you out for my lunch. Fine. I'll bring back a piece of cheese for you to nibble on. I wish I hadn't come to this Don party. Oh, now, Jim, they'd only think we were poor sports if we hadn't. Come on, smile. Don't let them see you're sulking. Be gay. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh, stop it, stop it. Oh, look, here comes your friend Myra. She probably wants to crow a little bit. Hello, Myra. Oh, hello, Janie. How do you get time, Jim? Yeah, fine. You wouldn't like to sit down, would you, Myra? Yeah, thanks, I would. You have to sit down. Yeah, thanks, I would. Your hair looks lovely, Myra. I like it so much better than the other night, but it was red. Jim used to love red hair, didn't you, Jim? Well, I... It's so strange to think I almost married him, but I certainly wouldn't want to be Jim's wife right now. Oh, I don't blame you. We'd all be messed up in an awful bigamy case, wouldn't we? I meant that my chuckie seems to be getting on so well, while Jim's only going backwards. Oh, don't you worry about Jim. Once he starts moving forward, nothing will ever stop him. Yeah. Well, isn't it about time he started? Oh, he's always been a slow starter. He didn't kiss me until the third week of our honeymoon. Well, for goodness' sake, why not? Well, Jim's very honorable, you know. We were all alone in the mountains, and he just didn't want to take advantage of the situation. Oh, here comes my chuckie. Well, well, well, so here you are. Get ready for the big-doings, Myra. In ten minutes, we're going to be rich and famous. All tools inside, getting ready to make you speak. Oh, chuckie, I'm so proud of you. Come on. Now, remember, dear, don't be discouraged. Keep a stiff upper chin. Lift up. Thanks. Great man, and a self-made man. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr. Terrence O'Toole. Thank you. Thank you, one and all. I never dreamt when I was a lad that someday I would be addressing such a grand assemblage of ladies and gentlemen. For when I was a lad, every morning of my life, I had to crack ice in a pitcher to wash myself and then tread six miles through the freezing snow to get to school. Oh, no, not again. But here I am about to become one of you. And all of this was made possible by a young man who is with us tonight. One of the smartest young fellows I've met since my early youth. When I had to crack ice in a pitcher to wash myself, and tread six miles through the freezing snow to get to school. So here he is, the man who made my factory site possible, Chuck Rayleigh. Thank you, friends. Thank you. Chuck, my boy, it's a great privilege to present you with this personal check of mine in payment for the land you had the foresight to buy. I never thought when I was a lad breaking ice in a pitcher to wash myself. Yes, I know, Mr. O'Toole. Anyway, thanks for the check. I don't want any credit for this deal, folks. It was nothing any fellow as brainy as myself couldn't have done. As I was saying to our office boy only the other day, Jim, I said... Cut it out, Rayleigh. Jim, I said, some men are lucky and smart. Some men are lucky and dumb. Some men are unlucky and smart. And then there's you. So he kind of... Rayleigh, you've been asking for this. Oh, Jim, don't. Who that? Do you realize what you've done? Yeah. Gee, maybe I could have been a commando after all. Jim, Jim, run for your life. He's getting it. Rayleigh, who that? Act like gentlemen. Out of my way, Addaberry. I'm going to give it to him again. Now listen, you. Oh, Jim, you gave it to Mr. Addaberry. Oh, gosh. Mr. Addaberry. Oh, my nose. My nose. You broke my nose. I'm going to sue you. I'm going to sue you for assault and battery. No, wait, Mr. Addaberry. I'll attract you all my witness. Tell you what, Jay, I'd rather not. You're an employee and you'll be my witness. This man tried to murder me. No, no, no. It was a mistake. Oh, well, don't you worry, Jim. Let him sue you. I'll be your witness. I'll help you. Janey, please. Oh, but my testimony will fix things for you. That's what I'm afraid of. Oh, well, they say you don't feel a thing with electrocution. I want order in this court. Mr. Prosecutor, this trial is preposterous. What should have been a 10-minute affair is now in its full power. I can't help it, Your Honor. I know I've tried, but I simply cannot get a coherent story from this witness. Well, I'm doing the best I can. Your best, Madam, is none too good. I'm warning you, Mr. Prosecutor, unless you can get some sense out of this witness, I will be forced to dismiss the case. All right, Mrs. Kugate, we'll try again. From the beginning. And in words of one syllable. From the very beginning? Yes. All right. I swear to tell us what the house was all about. No, no, no. We don't have to go all the way back to that. Is that a new suit you have on? Yes, we pretty. Thank you. Now, Mrs. Kugate, your husband is accused of assault and battle. He used to have one exactly like it. Oh, oh, you don't say. Now the chief witness... He gave it away though he hated it. Mrs. Kugate, will you stick to the facts? Well, you don't think I'm lying to you, do you? I mean to the facts of this case. Now then, the chief witness for the complainant is Mr. Chuck Ray. You're acquainted with him, are you not? Oh, yes. Hello, Chuck. Hello, Janie. Janie. Yes. I see. Naturally, it would be superfluous to ask you whether you know the defendant also, since he is your husband. Oh, well, I know him all right. As a matter of fact, I knew him even before we were married. Yes. Obviously, though, he didn't know you too well. Your honor, can't we do something to hurry this case along? I've got to make a train. Yes, Mr. Raylee and I are leaving for Mexico to be married. Well, if Mr. Atterbury will withdraw the charge, I shall be glad to dismiss the case, after which I will retire to my private chamber and get past it. I will not withdraw the charge. I want justice. Well, I'd be glad to let Mr. Raylee leave if you have any other witnesses. Have you? No, Your Honor. The only other witness I have is Mr. Terrence O'Toole, who is not in court. He's out at the factory site looking over the land he purchased from the witness, Mr. Raylee. Mr. Raylee will have to stay. But, W.J., I ought to catch that train. What's the matter with you, Chuck? You've got hours before your train leaves. Yeah, I know, but well, all right. Look, friends, I hate to interrupt my trial like this, but would it help if I pleaded guilty and got this thing over with? You would do us all a great favor, Mr. Cougar. Oh, no, Jim, you'll do nothing of the kind. But it will save me the trouble of convicting you, Mrs. Cougar. What trouble is it? I'm helping you. Mrs. Cougar, do you mind if I make a statement? No, go right ahead, Judge. After all, it's your court. Thank you. Mrs. Cougar, I have been sitting on this bench for 20 years. Would you like a cushion? Mrs. Cougar, I have been a judge for 20 years, and in all that time I have never met a witness whose testimony or whose mental processes could even remotely be compared with yours. Oh, Judge, you're sweet. Yes, I am an old doll. In the first place, you had the effrontery to walk in here 40 minutes late this morning, and then... No, I couldn't help that, Your Honor. I had to go to the doctor. Indeed. And may I ask why? Well, because I had a dizzy spell. Really? How could you tell? People know when they're dizzy, don't they? Some people. Mr. Prosecutor, we will get on with the case if you please. You may take your little shovel and continue digging your political grave with this witness. Yes, Your Honor. Mrs. Cougar, this alleged attack on Mr. Atterbury was made at precisely 10-15 last night. Can you tell me what you were doing at that time? 10-15 last night. See now. I got up yesterday morning about nine, and then I had breakfast, and right after breakfast... I'm only interested in last night. Well, I know, but I have to sort of sneak up on it. Your Honor, I think this has gone far enough. I'm going to change my plea. Now, thank heavens. I've got to get out of here. Well, if it pleases the court, I would like to plead guilty as charged. Brother, does it please the court? Very well, Mr. Cougar. The defendant having pled guilty to the charge is my duty and law to pronounce sentence upon him. It is therefore my... Just a minute. Where is that Chuck Rayleigh? What is the meaning of this interruption? I'll tell you what the meaning of it is. I want that Rayleigh arrested right now. Silence. Order. Why, Mr. O'Toole, you're completely covered with mud. You're darn right I am. I'm mud from my head to my feet. Oh, don't you think you'd better break the ice in the picture and wash yourself? Are you going to arrest that Rayleigh or aren't you? Chuck, what for? He knows what for. Don't you, Rayleigh? Well, why, why, no. I have a faintest idea. Well, I've got to catch that train. Grab him, grab him. Me and my foreman just drove out to that land he sold us for my factory. We drove out there in a truck. Well, as soon as we turned off the road onto my factory site, the truck sank through the ground and disappeared into a swamp. What? Holy smoke, Janie. You didn't have the filled-in swamp land after all. Chuck had it. No. Is this true, Rayleigh? Oh, what's the use? Sure it's true. I tried to turn it on as dollar, that's all. I suppose you realize our engagement is off, Chuck. Yeah, I guess so. Here's your ring back. It also means that I'll be taking my factory to some other town. Just a second, Mr. O'Toole. Not so fast. I, uh... I understand that Mrs. Cougat owns a splendid piece of land right next to the railroad. Uh, Jane? Oh, sure. Shrewd of me, don't you think? Yes, indeed. And I know you wouldn't mind selling it to Mr. O'Toole and a profit, of course. Yeah, I wouldn't mind if it were an exorbitant profit. Would you, dear? Oh, no. Getting rich is one of my hobbies. Well, that's fine. I knew Jim wouldn't mind, after all, as vice president... Vice president! Mr. Annabarie! Pardon me for interrupting this beautiful thing, ladies and gentlemen, but I believe we were trying a case at law. Remember? Oh, my goodness. I forgot all about it. Well, we'll start all over again from the beginning. I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but this... Case dismissed! What's that? Really, doctor? Always in that wonderful, I'm silly spell. Oh, yes, I'll tell him right away, doctor. Goodbye! Jim, Jim, I have the most marvelous news. Really? I think you've done pretty well already for one day. Oh, but this is the best news yet. We're going to have Junior, after all. Oh, swell. How soon before we get him? October. Why wait that long to adopt a baby? Adopt him? Oh, no. No, we're not going to adopt him, darling. You mean... You mean... Gee, you must mean... Yeah, I do mean. Oh, boy. Isn't it wonderful? Oh, boy, I'll say it is. Wait a minute. Wait. It might be twins. Twins run in my family, you know. Remember? My father used to make bookends. Oh, oh, my goodness. I suppose it takes after my family. Well, what if it does? My father made $1,000 in dressing. In a moment, our stars will be back for a curtain call. But now, Sally wants you to hear a signal. See if you know what it is. It's a run in your stocking. And when you hear that signal, the time will be... A bad time for stockings, I'd say, Sally. Well, for that pair it certainly is. But if you take it as a signal that it's time to give stockings the gentle care they deserve, you can cut way down on runs like that. Recent tests show that luxing cuts down runs over 50%. Yes, in a series of tests made by the United States Testing Company, incorporated, rayon stockings were washed repeatedly in different ways. Then tested on an amazing machine that strains them as you do an actual wear. Results showed luxing cut runs in half. The stockings washed with new, improved lux. Didn't go into runs nearly as quickly as stockings washed with a strong soap or rubbed with cake soap. You see, the lux ones kept their elasticity, so they could give with a strain instead of breaking into runs. Strong soap and cake soap rubbing weaken elasticity. Luxing saves it. Lux stockings after every wearing, and lux them promptly, so perspiration doesn't weaken the fibers. They'll last longer and fit more flatteringly, too. Now, here's Mr. DeMille with our stars. Our husband's necessary is still the $64 question. And here's the answer. George Burns and Gracie Allen. Judge, isn't Mr. DeMille cute? Gracie, Mr. DeMille is a famous producer and director. He makes wonderful pictures, but he definitely is not cute. Now, who asked you? You see? By the way, Gracie, your own radio program. And in real life, you are actually married to George. So how about answering tonight's question for us? Confidentially, are husbands necessary? Well, confidentially. Gracie, remember that new hat you want. Oh, I was going to say yes. Oh, thanks, thanks. Uh, husbands must be necessary. Practically every married woman has one. Well, thanks, kid. Uh, Mr. DeMille, how do you think George and I would be in one of those pictures of yours? You know, a big outdoor picture with lots of action and cowboys and bandits? Oh, don't be ridiculous. Oh, I can see it now. The bandit Caesar Romero comes galloping up, jumps off his horse, sweeps me into his arms and kisses me. And then, just in the nick of time, George, you come rushing up. Yeah, yeah. And you hold his horse. Uh, the horse might get away. Well, it's a very expensive horse. I see what you mean. Well, forget it. Well, thanks for putting up with us tonight, CB. Uh, what's the show next week? George, tonight we're going to tell the news about next week in music with one of the most thrilling melodies of our day. Listen and see if you can guess the name of the show. This is the Army, Mr. Jones. Low crime rooms or telephone. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, next week, the Lux Radio Theatre has the honor and good fortune to bring you Irving Berlin's This Is the Armour. The New York Times calls it the best show of a generation. We'll have the same all-soldier cast that appeared on Broadway. And Irving Berlin himself. The show is now touring the country playing to packed theaters everywhere. And next Monday night, this tour leads to the stage of the Lux Radio Theatre and the radio presentation of Irving Berlin's This Is the Armour. CB, that's the biggest radio news of the year. Well, naturally, we'll all be listening. All right. And we'll be listening to your show tomorrow night, George. Good night, too. Good night, everybody. Good night. Don't forget that situation. Lincoln's birthday has just passed. Washington's birthday is coming. And there is one way those two men would want you to celebrate this year by buying all the extra war bonds you can. So fill up all the war stamp books you have around the house and turn them in for bonds right away. The 25-cent stamp will buy a hand grenade. Why don't you toss a few grenades at the enemy tomorrow? Our sponsors, the makers of Lux Flakes, join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday night. When the Lux Radio Theatre presents Irving Berlin's This Is the Armour. Mrs. Cecil B. DeMille saying good night to you from Hollywood. The picture Our Husbands Necessary was based on the novel Mr. and Mrs. Cougat and was produced by Paramount. Paramount's latest screen hit is the musical success Star-Spangled Rhythm. Heard in tonight's play were Arthur Q. Bryan as Mr. Atterbury, John Mather as Chuck, Paula Winslow as Myra, Ruby Dandridge as Millie, Leo Cleary as Mr. O'Toole, and Berna Felton, Norman Field, Griff Barnett and Fred Mackay. Our music was directed by Louis Silvers, and this is your announcer John M. Kennedy reminding you to tune in next Monday night to hear Irving Berlin's This Is the Army. This is the story of Mary Brown. Mary was tired. Nervous. Vitamin deficient. Then Mary started taking Vim. C-I-M-M-F-V-E-S. Vims supply all the essential vitamins and minerals, and now Mary feels swell. She's got that Vims feeling. So, folks, try Vim.