 Ayalit is the foremost internationally acclaimed authority on developing true connections. Ayalit is the founder and CEO of Universal Connections Inc., the world's premier relationship firm that is revolutionizing life through wholism and truth. A highly sought life and relationship coach, professional matchmaker, astrologer, philosopher and author, Ayalit is always Ayalit. Today's episode of Always Ayalit is brought to you by Mese Grill and USGoldCoins.com and CarpeVN.com. Thank you and welcome to the, and thank you for joining me. I'm sorry. Good evening, everyone. Thank you so much for joining me for the commemorative episode of Always Ayalit in tribute for the victims and survivors of the attack on America that occurred 10 years ago today on September 11th, 2001. That day forever changed the lives of New Yorkers and Americans and our lives will never be the same. There's a lot I want to talk about tonight and I have with me in the audience, in my studio, two very special honored guests that are honoring me with their presence, William and Christine Koch. But before I introduce Bill and Christine, I have a few points I would like to make with regards to the attack on America on September 11th, 2001. This attack, the act that occurred was so horrifying and so heinous that it's beyond words to describe, in fact, when I was preparing for the show earlier this afternoon, I was at a loss for words, which is not usual for me, to describe what exactly happened. And what happened was an act of war, it was a preemptive strike against the United States of America, against liberty, freedom, all that we hold, all that we stand for, all that brings us here as Americans from all nations, from all religions, from all backgrounds to be one nation under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all. And our enemies, the attack that was preempted upon us formed by men in uniform that we could identify as was the case in Pearl Harbor, in Japan, in World War II, and all the preceding wars that we suffered as Americans. Our enemy was from within and they used our American life, our values of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness and freedom to perpetrate unsuspecting, unsuspecting innocent civilians and destroy the lives of so many, of so many Americans and so many people. I have some statistics about the attack on 9-11 that occurred. The time of impact of the first tower was 8-46 a.m. The second tower was struck at 9-02 a.m. The time the burning towers stood, 56 minutes and 102 minutes. The time they took to fall, 12 seconds. Do you realize the importance of those statistics, folks? They took at least five to ten years to build those towers and in 12 seconds, in the blink of an eye, they were annihilated and destroyed and with them took so many American lives, so many fighters for our liberties, for our freedom that perished our firefighters, our New York police department. There were 2,819 dead in the towers alone from 115 different nations, 343 firemen, brave souls who went into burning inferno of a living hell and perished on that day to protect New Yorkers, to protect American civilians in a feat that was beyond anything they knew or understood at that time. There were 23 New York PD casualties and 37 Port Authority officers who perished on September 11, 2001. This attack is so horrifying, but again I reinforce that it was an act of war and was an act in as a strike of terror, a well organized, well planned, well executed attack that was perpetrated upon us, unsuspecting, innocent civilians. And this strike, although it was relatively new to New York and the United States of America as such, is not new. This is not new in other parts of the world, folks. Terror attacks are everyday, everyday common occurrences throughout the world and especially in the land of Israel, which is very dear and close to my heart. A terror attack is an act that represents no respect for life, no respect for liberty, and no respect for humanity whatsoever. This is not an act of defense, this is an act of war. And when you're using our civil liberties as a means with which to perpetrate their attack on us, there's nothing more heinous, there's nothing more despicable, there's nothing more, I can't say animalistic because you know I'm in love with my little boy Oscar and animals don't behave this way. It's just hateful. It's only human. Only humans have the capacity to hate in such a degree. It is hateful, it is horrific and it is terror. And I wanted to take a few minutes before I introduce my guests to describe and to perhaps share some insights of what terrorism is. Terrorism isn't just a word in the media. Terrorism is when anyone, and this happens in all facets of life, it could happen in your home, it could happen at your job, it's when a coward, in my view, someone without any backbone or ability to be a decent human being wants to assert his power, control and dominion over another, has no substance in his pursuit whatsoever and thereby bullies and bullying is a very big word in our society today, especially in modern day high school. But bullying is no different than terrorism. It's using vile despicable tactics to assault another directly or indirectly and leave that other feeling afraid. Their sense of security, their sense of their natural rights of life and liberty and personal freedom to be and to live and to go about their daily existence is now threatened and will never be the same because of an act of terror. Act of terror could be an abusive husband, an abusive wife, an abusive parent. It's any attack that is preempted or sometimes in some cases unconscious but in the war on terror it's definitely orchestrated and planned where they willfully and maliciously and intentionally choose to use subversive insidious tactics to assault and suppress the individual personal power and liberty of an individual or a nation or a group of individuals or communities. Terrorism is a reality, folks. This isn't just propaganda in the media, in the newspapers, it's a reality for people to take and to attempt, there are some groups of people out there that are attempting to denounce you know that and come up with so many, I won't even go there, ideas of the cause of the attack on September 11th and it was, it's preposterous how they can organize three planes and there's so much evidence to support the facts that happened in the lives of parents so please folks as I've urged you in the past, I urge you yet again, listen to your heart, if it's reasonable, if it makes rational sense, it is the truth. Terror attacks occur every day on this planet, maybe not in New York City, thank God, maybe not in New Jersey or California or Ohio but they occur and the attack on September 11th was an attack on America, an attack against everything we stand for, everything we represent liberty, capitalism, freedom. Our security was shattered but we are fighters and we are survivors and as such I choose to regard this episode tonight's show as a commemorative, not a memorial to September 11th but a commemorative for we will prevail, everybody, as I'm sure you've already noted I've always believed that everybody has a story and if you ask a New Yorker or anyone living within a 100 mile radius of New York City where they were on September 11th, I'll bet you they have a story to share, personally my story is thank God not as bad as it could have been but very interestingly for me, only five days before, I believe it was September 5th, I took a road trip from New Jersey, from Bergen County, New Jersey where I reside to Washington DC, I was in the process of organizing my company and registering my trademarks for my company so if anyone knows me personally, I do it myself and I get it done so I drove to Washington DC on September 5th, I stayed overnight and on September 6th, I registered for my three registered trademarks for my company and I had dinner that evening with actually I met with two old friends, work friends from previous incarnations one works for the SEC, we had dinner down in Georgetown and when he was driving me back to my hotel which was in Arlington that night, we drove past the Pentagon which I have never seen before, I had many visits to Washington DC but I've never seen the Pentagon and he pointed it out to me and I was like oh wow, that's where we do it all, the following day I had dinner with a very dear friend in Reston, Virginia and we met up, I think we had lunch or dinner, it was a quick meet, I don't remember how long we spent together and ironically she was the one and then I drove back home to New Jersey, to New York, I was residing in Fort Lee, New Jersey so having just returned from a long road trip, the morning of September 11th was a Tuesday morning, I was awakened, a phone call at home by my friend who I had just seen in Reston, Virginia, she woke me up because she was concerned for me knowing I'm in New York or I'm in New York, I yell out are you okay, she woke me up to the events that were already unfolding as of 846 AM on the television screen, I got up immediately, I went to the living room, I turned the television on and I was literally glued to my television set the entire day, I believe at, I was just shocked, I remember being an utter shock, I remember being completely numb but I remember without even, there was, at that time, at 945 AM, at 10 o'clock AM, there was no editorializing what was happening because it was still happening, it was still unfolding, the towers hadn't crumbled down yet and I remember sitting in my living room in Fort Lee, New Jersey looking at the TV screen and saying to myself, this was an act of war, I just knew it, I knew it then and I know it today and then of course what had ensued to unfold was quite compelling, the following day I left my home to go about my business and it was very sad, living in Fort Lee, New Jersey which is not even five miles from Manhattan, I smelled the fumes of the jetliners that was in Fort Lee, I went to Starbucks where I frequented every morning and I learned later that day that on that same sidewalk, on that same sidewalk where I traversed each and every day and continued to until I moved from that neighborhood to get my morning coffee, terrorists shared that sidewalk with me, shared those same footprints with me, to access the mailbox as it's said during the exact same shopping center in Fort Lee, New Jersey where they conspired to attack the United States of America. I can't, I don't know if this resonates for each of you or for any of you and what I'm saying clearly thank God I was safe, I was home, everyone I loved was home safely but I do love America and I do love, I know that in, there's a photo on my Facebook of me posing with two of New York's bravest on a fire truck right across the street from the, at the time World Trade Center, that image was taken in 98 or 99 and you can see in the reflection of the photograph, the reflection of the towers in the images, an eerie photo especially in today's light and I wonder if those beautiful firefighters are with us still today, I believe they were in the 20th, is it the 20th precinct or whatever but that's my story, that's my story for September 11th, 2001 and I remember thinking that we were at war and I remember thinking also that now America gets a chance to see firsthand what Israel experiences every single day and not just Israel, terrorist attacks have occurred and we hear about it on the news so doesn't mean anything to us but every human life that perishes because of a terrorist attack or because of hatred of any kind should resonate for each of us, for each of us because every loss of life, every life on this earth has meaning so I just wanted to share my story of September 11th, 2001 Joining me today as I already noted earlier is a very, my very special honored guests they are here to share their remarkable story of survival and how faith and courage is manifest in their lives for better or worse and with me today are the exceptionally beautiful William and Christine Koch William Koch Jr. is the author of casualties of war, words and images from the heart of a gold star father, Bill and his wife Christine were married in 1978 after an unrequited high school crush, they are lifelong residents of East Brunswick, New Jersey where they were educated, worked and became the proud parents of three children Lynn, Young Bill and Stephen. Christine is a nurse for the past 30 years and has been working in oncology for the past five years while Bill has worked as an IBEW local 456 electrician for 34 years. They have been married for 32 years and together they have struggled and grown with Christian and family values that are instilled in them and passed on to their three children. Their children Lynn, Bill and Stephen continued a caring and concerned effort to themselves and others. Stephen's service to his country as a member of the 82nd Airborne was a tribute to his older brother Bill who was working at the World Trade Center in New York City and survived the attack on America on September 11, 2001. That day changed their lives forever. For Stephen it was motivation to enlist in the United States Army where he would make the ultimate sacrifice. Stephen's dedication and courage to defend his family and country deployed him to Afghanistan in January 2007 where he was killed in action on March 3, 2008. This heartbreaking tragedy was an overwhelming loss to the family especially Lynn. She was like a little mommy to her younger brothers. Lynn suffered severely with post traumatic stress disorder from the loss of her baby brother. This condition eventually resulted in her tragic suicide on May 6, 2010. Young Bill who is not with us tonight has just completed his training as an IBEW electrician and Bill, Christine and Young Bill continue the family legacy of caring for others and paying tribute to our armed services and troops while working with groups that provide support to veterans and wounded warriors. Thank you so much for being here today William and Christine Koch. I also wanted to add folks that Bill and Christine they exemplify one of the many many all American families ripped apart by the events that transpired on September 11th and we mustn't ever forget and must always remember why we are here today what brought us together and continue on the positive legacy of faith and courage and so without further delay please allow me to welcome you Christine. Thank you so much and Bill. Thank you very much for letting us be part of your 9-11 tribute show. I really appreciate it. It's my honor and my pleasure and I know I brought some tears to your beautiful eyes Christine. Why don't we talk about how we met or? We met through her brother was a good best friend of mine and eventually I got around to asking her out and we just went from there and kind of been inseparable ever since. You had an unacquainted high school crush when Christine I think was a year younger than you in high school. What brings us here today is I was I guess planning a commemorative episode for September 11th and we were networking online and you commented about my show and then I commented back and then I inquired a little bit more about Bill and I discovered that you lost not one but two of your children to September 11th. Tell me about that. The resulting from 9-11 attack on America our oldest son William young Bill was working in the city. He was right at the Trade Center when it happened. Our whole family was affected where we didn't know where he was at for 10 or 12 hours until he finally called home. Lynn was at St. John's University. Christine was working in Middletown I believe at the time. I was working in Edison and young Stephen was in East Bungalow High School. Lynn was at St. John's in New York? Yes she was in New York too. But I actually went back home to get a landline because none of the cell phones and that eventually everybody called in to me and we just waited it out and the first words out of young Bill's mouth was I'm alive. I think he called like four o'clock in the afternoon finally when he was able to get to a phone in Brooklyn. Where was Stephen on September 11th, 2004? He was in high school I believe he was a junior in high school and he was one of the kids that was affected where they grouped all the kids into counselors rooms or library to if you had someone in the city all the schools reacted the right way where they tried to keep kids calm because no one you know really knew what happened. What was going on? Yes I have to say Bill that when you and I first connected and exchanged our first dialogue I believe it was August 31st it was just very recently. Right. And I learned I learned of the extremity that you as an individual man suffered and one of the first words I said when in my very early on in the dialogue I said is your wife still sane because my heart my heart went out for you and I just can't fathom for you to don't know no disrespect to the father but I'm always I always I guess attribute the way I was raised a greater affinity for for a mother bearing and birthing raising children and I just I can't imagine anyone enduring that degree of pain in such a short period of time two young beautiful children to perish in such a way I literally was moved to tears I it took me about 20 minutes to collect myself when I heard this story tell me what how did this progress I understand that Steven was directly moved to enlist in the army and and and folks it's a natural occurrence it's historically known that after every attack that Americans have ever suffered Pearl Harbor there was a grave of the America's finest and I'm not talking New York New York's finest I'm talking America's finest young beautiful brilliant American souls would go and not be drafted but enlist and volunteer to sacrifice and put their lives online to protect their families and their country and to stand and to honor to honor who we are and who they are but but tell me tell me your reaction to Steven when he first told you I want to enlist when Steven originally told me he wanted to enlist as a mother I tried to talk him out of it I begged and pleaded what mother wants to send their child off to war I'm very proud of him but I talked him out of it I actually held him off for two years really I did I did my best how did you manage to do that just he he just listened to me I just I just please Steven please don't what was his argument what was he saying he wouldn't he actually didn't argue with me Steven was not really argumentative okay um he just did odd job Steven was not um he did not want to go to school he did not want to go to college that wasn't his thing so he tried mechanics um he kind of liked it and then they got bored with that he moved on he'd work at a gas station he worked at a pizzeria he did everything and everything yeah why didn't he go off to college like his siblings Steven did not like school okay I mean he very brilliant very smart but he did not like school yeah so he brought his mind in fact I don't like school that's what makes him such great minds because he can't be recommended they can't be controlled yeah and that school was just not his thing he didn't want any part of school I told him I would pay for it just like we paid for it Lennon Billy um he no so uh one day he just came home the papers were thrown on the kitchen table I'm going I stared at them I looked at him I picked up the phone and called the recruiter and I said what are his chances and she said well you know he took the test he aced it he can do anything he wants but he wants infantry so 99.9 he's going off to war and I you know I was kind of yelling at her she was used to it she was trying to calm me down but um I had to accept it so I hung up the phone and that was it um I did not fight with him what moved him what do you think moved him uh the biggest thing that moved him was that his brother was in danger that America was being threatened that his family had suffered he saw the reaction of his brother who was suffered his own post-traumatic from witnessing what happened at the towers anyone that was there or saw those pictures of people coming out of buildings and what happened to what happened to all the firemen and the policemen there is tragic and it's it's traumatic how can anyone not be affected by that so he he really took that to heart that he was protecting his family his country his freedom and others and he when he when he got to Afghanistan he was really dedicated to protecting others that could not protect themselves he would talk about that constantly that how important his job was there that he fell in love with that ability to help other people um in the United States of America at this time Bill and Christine I'm sure you're aware there's a lot of negate you know liberal opposition to the war and you know it's I'm offended as an American I'm offended as a Jew I'm offended and as an American I'm offended because we are attacked it is our obligation our absolute life requirement to self preserve first at all costs we didn't pick a war we didn't pick a fight but if we're being attacked we must defend ourselves and I don't think many Americans really get what it takes to have you know in Israel and in Israel we're drafted at 18 every Israeli male or female is drafted to the military I think you're only the only exclusions are if you're ultra orthodox which by the way I have issues with and or if you just got married you can defer it for a year or something to that effect but every Jew in Israel is drafted to the military and this is a day-to-day life way of life that every mother like yourself is sending her children off you know I just reconnected with one of my my best friend from 25 years ago when I was going to university in Israel I just reconnected with her and her oldest son now is in the army he's on the front I mean he's out there and he's also in infantry fighting your son was an 82nd airborne power trooper though he was I am I have to tell you I love him I never got a chance to meet him or hug him but I absolutely love him 82nd airborne is America's guard of honor it is it is the it's like it is the even in Israel the tan hanim in Israel are the power they're like the best it's like everybody knows that and I am I am so honored they are so moved they're they're prepared 82nd airborne are the only that are prepared to go out within 12 hours to fight a war there's no other unit that can do that Steven was deployed to Afghanistan in January of 2007 he was killed in March 2008 was he here did he visit you during that time no oh yes excuse me he had a he had a 10 day leave in June okay and tell me about his visit with you what was it like when he came home it was much too quickly first of all I 10 days is a short yeah to do a 15 month tour to be home 10 days it went it was it was coming on I couldn't hug him enough I don't know I just he was very dedicated you could tell the difference in him he was he became a very serious person um maybe a little bit of being staying isolated away from his family to a point of of knowing that danger he was in every day you know we we would talk on the phone and I would I would think he would say oh yeah we just went out on a mission we're back and I would think he was safe and I would say oh wait at least you're back safe a bit he's there's no safe place here there's no safe there's somebody watching us at all times I mean and that's part of what we look at now and we try to remember that he was so um dedicated to that honor of protecting other people and and he really felt that in his heart that he was helping his family helping his country and he was he and he was a couple and that is the importance of today in my show today is that this is a person we're talking about this is someone's life this is someone's life we're talking about parents that birthed him and created him and gave him life and and beautiful people I have to emphasize what an exemplary couple you are and I mean that in every extreme and I know that your life isn't fraught with ease at this time and there's tensions but you must stay strong you must continue the love if we don't and I mean that as Americans and as you as individuals and as you as a couple if we don't they win and then God God God forbid Stephen perished in vain and we don't want that to happen never never never my darling um I was going to ask you something um tell me about well actually we need to take a break for a commercial but when we come back I want you to tell me about the events that took Stephen's life so um um just stay with me we'll be right back after these these messages from our very valued sponsors first I'd like to thank mezegrill.com where authentic Mediterranean food meets modern flavor now serving breakfast on 8th avenue at 55th street in New York City just a couple of blocks south of Columbus circle and I'd like to thank usgoldcoins.com that's 1-800-HOTCOIN our trusted advisor for investments in rare gold and silver coins and he takes the mystery out of buying silver and gold by holding your hand they take a hands-on approach better to call and speak directly for current inventory again that number is 1-800-HOTCOIN and I'd love to thank carpayvm.com seize your market say it with video Charlie works closely with you from beginning to end to ensure that your video makes an impact video on the web is ideal to engage your viewers and I'd love to hear from you please give me a jingle at my Ask I Yell at voicemail that number is 212-569-6969 again my Ask I Yell at voicemail number is 212-569-6969 or you may email me at ayelet at only1tv.com that's ayelet at only1tv.com if you ask me a question I may answer it on an upcoming episode of Always Ayelet and so without any further delay we're back in the studio with the beautiful exceptionally beautiful and courageous and faithful William and Christine Koch gold star parents of corporal Stephen Koch who perished in Sabari Afghanistan on March 3rd 2008 his enlistment to the US service was a tribute to his brother his older brother Bill who survived the attack on America on September 11th 2001 so if you would Bill and Christine tell me what happened how did Stephen die? Stephen's platoon probably about 20 to 25 members came back from a mission that they had been out for I want to say five or six days I believe it was and they had just gotten back to a what they would call a safe base or a standing base or a forward base and I believe they were only there maybe within an hour and through the gates of this base was a truck driven by a suicide bomber that was loaded as an IED what is an IED improvised explosive device improvised explosive device that means there was no there was was someone driving the truck suicide bomber right and it's it's just a terminology it could be a roadside bomb it could be in a car it could be left as a bag what do they mean by improvised handmade they make it put together very interesting you said it could be left as a bag as a teenager if you've watched my previous episodes you'll know that I spent most of my teenage summers in Jerusalem and Israel vacationing my summer vacations from from America um and I remember on the buses in the bus station you know they always had signs beware of suspicious objects beware and as an American teenager I was just like what is that of that I didn't understand the impact the the importance of that interestingly today actually today when I drove into New York there were police Oscars hot baby you warm baby face mommy's sorry okay um it's warm in here um today driving into New York there were police police guarding the Lincoln tunnel police guarding every corner of Manhattan and all I did was roll down the road and say thank you and God bless you for protecting us and now today there are signs on buses signs and cabs signs everywhere beware on bus stops beware of suspicious objects so we are now living in a land where terrorism is impending any day and in any minute and we don't know and it's scary and then they're saying oh the liberals are saying oh well where our privacy is being invaded well do we would you rather be dead what is your privacy worth when you're dead really yes I believe before the commercial where I lost my train I thought I was asking about Steven's visit to America when he came back for the 10 day leave what was he telling you what was he sharing with you about his experience Steven was very quiet he'd not talk about Afghanistan had he experienced death at that point yes oh yes what do you know about a lot of times when they would come back and they would they would take over back back take a village that the Taliban had been in and they drove them out they would come upon a village where everyone was killed as the Taliban would leave that and he would always a village of of Afghani civilians yes because if they figured that they were going to go help the Americans they would kill them instead of let them live and leave the village right so there was a lot of times when he would say listen we're seeing things we're we have to do things that I can never talk about don't ask me about and that's how he talked about and then he would like open up a little bit with like what I had just told you but it was very sketchy but he would always come back he says I'm never going to be the same person and we're really doing an important thing here we could see how terrible the Taliban treats their own people and when you realize that they're willing to blow themselves up to take out they have no value for life yeah five Americans and 50 of their own people that means nothing to them you know so it's I'm always telling my audience about love based choices versus fear based choices and I try to encourage my audience to live a love-centered life which is what I believe the American way is it's truth it's freedom any group and this isn't about nations this is about religion this war transcends borders it transcends our borders here in the United States of America I don't know if you've noticed how many mosques are being built and this isn't about Islam because Islam there are some beautiful Muslim people my best friend seventh grade Pakistani Muslim Muslims I know you and I were talking pre-show in our pre-show interview and you were saying how Stephen God bless his soul got stars of David I was totally blown away by that stars of Tate of David tattooed on his arms as a tribute because the Muslims hate the Jews you know it's not Islam that hates the Jews it's a small group of psychotic hateful people that have no value for life for humanity and what's what's scary for us now is that you know our American way is maybe denying you know is we have to do you know screenings and whatever and some good Muslims might be caught up in this and forgive us but what please understand as Americans if you're living in the United States of America if you're living in this world and you are in fact not part and parcel of al-Qaeda and jihad and their their extent then then then roll with it and show your papers and be who you are and be the Americans that you are and we love I think Americans love all people of all religions of all backgrounds I personally I'm not a fan of religion per se but it's religion it's fanaticism it's fanatical religion nowhere in the Koran does it say take the lives of other people of infidels I don't believe in you that's insane I assure you that there's nowhere that you can even translate into those things and what terroristic tactics do they employ to teach their troops to go and bomb themselves and kill themselves what we have 82 virgins waiting for you and I mean what is that in Israel in Israel the the the occupying Arabs that are now occupying Gaza and the West Bank they teach five-year-old children that they dress up in Mickey Mouse costumes they teach five-year-old children's that Jews are bad that Israelis are bad and that we should hate and kill what are you creating fear fear hatred and murder and we must take every measure to self preserve and to fight and yes war is sad no one wants to go to war no one wants their son to go to war no one wants to risk our lives but it takes a lot of courage and a lot of faith to believe in oneself enough to put your life on the line to protect the lives of others and for that I wish to thank the New York fire department the New York police department all of those who perished on September 11th your son personally you for the mother and all the parents out there who who gave the ultimate sacrifice and were the victims and survivors we're here today to talk also as a tribute to Stephen you authored this beautiful book i've been reading it for the past few nights casualties of war words and images from the heart of a gold star father tell me william what is a gold star father what are gold star parents uh gold star parents are parents of a soldier man and woman that serves his country or her country and perishes gets killed in action um we really honor the the fallen hero is the gold star hero we just happen to be his family so our gold star parents gold star sisters brothers spouses children so it's any any so but wasn't there a distinction between gold star or silver star or purple heart like what are the distinctions well anyone that serves i forget i mean does steven have a purple heart i believe yes so please send all the commendations that steven received and go ahead christine he received it the bronze star that was his highest um uh medal so the bronze star the purple heart the meritorious um a medal the afghanistan campaign medal um good conduct medal um war on terror i'm sorry war on terror war on terror um um jeez i can't i can't think of them all he's he received quite and the purple heart the bronze star is a valor and dedication and um and purple heart is your wounded in action correct you can you don't have to die to get a purple heart if you are a wounded soldier right you do receive a purple heart now you were telling me that some of the proceeds of casualties of war go to wounded warrior groups and veterans groups we use the money that i uh some of the money that we would get from the book for hope for the warriors events okay hope and that's hope for the warriors dot org right okay um american Legion events other any veterans or or military operations that we see that people are reaching out to help our wounded warriors i think that that is the most important thing that our gold star families as a group can do is really reach out to these guys and girls that are coming back and they're wounded either physically or mentally um it's it's tragic and it needs more help it needs more funds it needs more people to reach out to help them and absolutely that's our way of giving back that's all that keeps us going now god bless you god bless you i have to say that faith and courage to me means that no matter what happens to you no matter what adversity you experience you don't get more than you can get a so you can endure this you will endure this and you will survive and you will prevail second you mustn't ever forget who you are what brought you here it's your exemplary example your remarkable example that created steven that that brought him to serve us in such a fashion sacrifices life in that way that's you you still stand and he still stands within your heart and within my heart and within all of our hearts and i know that so have faith in that and find some solace and consolation i know it's hard um your book is entitled casualties of war you suffered not one but two casualties to this war tell me about your daughter lin tell me about her suffering and how she became a casualty of the war of night of the attack i'm just i'll give you a quick rundown with um lin's suffered tremendously from post-traumatic disorder um she was like a little mommy to the two boys i mean it really affected her like she was also a mother at different times for the two boys and uh it was really a struggle for her to get get past that um loss of steven um the tragic way and and the final outcome of that was too much for her to bear i mean all the gold star families stand on that line but you know when you cross it it's it's a it's a no-win situation and christian wants to add to that yeah i what i what i wanted to say how she actually got through two years of this as far as i was concerned deep in my heart i truly believed i was going to lose my daughter tell me why tell me why because of the love that she thought the three of them were extremely close um how how many years apart were they in age uh lin and billy are exactly 16 months apart and then uh steven is two and a half years younger than billy exactly the way we were my me and my siblings so there's three and a half years between steven and linnie um but she just um she treasured her brothers um she always did they always looked out for one another um but lin actually was in complete denial and she told me that um for 15 months she was waiting for steven she flat out said steven's in afghanistan and i'm waiting for him to come home and that's did you ever see the body um yes steven um he was an open casket to believe it or not the body back i'm so sorry to ask you these questions no that's that's okay i send you the body back the body comes back through dover air force every soldier comes back through dover air force base and then then they're picked up you know and who went to pick him up oh at that time you were not allowed to go to the base to change with our president president he changed that we're families can go see it because they wanted to kind of publicize the the word that's my opinion okay at the time we were not allowed to do that and no we were allowed the public was was was not supposed to be there i the excuse me the um press the press okay um what happened was our casualty officer had told us that it probably may take up to 10 days for steven's body to return unknowingly to him they must have gotten steven out of there that night or the next night he was home within a matter of three days it was such short notice because he was going to tell us we were we would have been allowed to be a dover air force base when steven returned but steven was back he actually gave us a call and said your son is home it was but it was during this presidency that is now it's up to the family as whether or not the press can be there so who went to see the body well we we didn't i'm saying so they sent it to you to yeah his body came back to the funeral home that's what happens he was arrived at door dover air force base historical christine yes and then in shock you go you kind of you break down hysterically uh i just know two soldiers you know came to our door at nine o'clock on a monday night you know at it's quiet in our house it's just bill and i billy actually still live with us but he was out at the time the doorbells ringing at nine o'clock bill goes to answer the door i'm coming down behind him chasing my dogs and i just see two soldiers through we have a long window and i see them and i stopped dead in my tracks i already know there's no that's the first you knew that's the first thing you know is that two soldiers two soldiers are at your door no reason in the world for anybody to be at your door except tell you that your son has been killed so of course we let them in and i did have my hysterical moment broke down i was actually beating on one of them pushed him right out the door but you saw his body you saw him we didn't we saw him at his viewing when we had his funeral they fixed him up oh yes it was and i said we don't we don't go to wakes i know that i understand that and but i i have been to several wakes in honor of people that are that i know in my life um i was actually very adversely affected by having seen wakes but and i know they do a pretty good job in the funeral home but what well it was up to his injuries that's what it was i had asked am i going to be allowed to see steven and at that point the cash register officer had said it will be up to the 82nd airborne because you must look perfect or it will be a closed casket um you have to look good and beings it was a 90d in my mind i'm thinking oh my god my son was blown to bits but he wasn't um so what killed him um it was the building actually came down and collapsed steven was was buried beneath beneath rubble he was the last the last to be pulled out because they knew he was they knew where he was um but they had to get the injured first um and he was the last it's almost ironic i didn't know the specific fact i i i i tried to encourage you in our preliminary talks to save it for me but it's almost ironic that he got buried in a building when he came was motivated by the by the question of its twin towers so his the only he i he was my son that i saw and he looked beautiful it was my son he had a slight bruise on the top of his head that they you know did the best with makeup but um yes it was an open casket where most soldiers with an ied you don't have an open cat it's closed usually it's you have a name god thank god for that yes i i'm i'm i'm thankful christine we're almost out of time my darling and i wanted to share um i wanted to talk more about the book but i hope you'll join me again on enough maybe in a memoriam of um steven for his birthday or on the date of his passing to talk more about the book but last night i was perusing through the book and there was one particular poem i don't know how much time i have left um there was one particular poem that moved me especially and i urge you folks to please um you can find the link um on the website it's ready by the book it's tape publishing tape publishing dot com bookstore and the name of the book is casualties of war the link will be posted to the show as well there was one particular poem that deeply moved me i would like to share this with you it's called weighted shoulders um bill from what i understood i'm going to just editorialize for you he in his sleepless nights suffering through the pain of the loss of his children um just tell us quickly or briefly what inspired you to write this book or it just came about where i you know where you can't can't sleep um i would be up for four or five hours a night and watching tv reading the paper on the computer and i just started putting um words together of my feelings of what i saw what i didn't see what you knew what i knew what i what i felt every day trying to go on um the first one was empty chairs which was a little mini story of what i saw sitting in my living room my empty chairs the creek on the floor the clock that stopped because we never restarted it those words were all intertwined into a poem and it just built from there every couple nights or sometimes i would write three in a night it would be depend on my and then you got them all collected into one book called casualties of war folks it's casualties of war words and images from the heart of a gold star father william cotch jr allow me to share weighted shoulders with the audience make no mistake your concern is welcome to hear still the cross of our loss is too much for us to bear weighted shoulders that were strong with family pride home of fractured family tears that continue to be cried we hold and respect the sacrifice that you pay we hold the physical form for short day today there is no one else that can see what we feel if we could request a pardon god hear my appeal where is justice that seems to hide from us now questions needing answers on why where and how seeing the color of pain on the sibling and parent can you please explain the agony that's now been sent i don't curse you or place the blame the pain suffered by all is of losing one flame burning so bright that it has left us in the dark still the shadow cast can dows up can't dows his life spark sentinel of security that has been taken off his post true warrior american treasure bravery is lost sting of the defeat has torn at our very soul proud and solemn we all wear stars of gold they've paid the price of the ultimate fee risking their life in the defense of our country all that we family can ask the legions of mass the hurt is permanent please don't expect it to pass beautiful beautiful work i can go on but again you have to buy the book folks um it's a it's really beautifully composed it's from the heart if anyone's ever it's in any country i know this show is being seen around the world anyone who's ever had a child a son a brother a sister a daughter who's enlisted who's perished or hasn't even perished but who's suffering our troops today in afghanistan around the world that are protecting us honor them honor them don't oppose this war this isn't a war we chose it's a war that we were drafted into we were drafted they enlisted voluntarily but we were drafted as americans as as loving freedom loving liberty loving life loving americans were drafted in this war and please folks don't forget always remember the attack that happened on september 11th 2001 i know each of you has a story i have mine i shared mine with you tonight and the conscious i'm so grateful for you sharing your story with me tonight i opened the show by saying that this family was ripped apart as many many many millions of american families have been ripped apart by the horrors and tragedy of war and as such folks don't lose sight of the family you have and understand what family is in the manner in which siblings like lin and steven and bill loved each other and honored each other and protected each other and cared for each other not just in words but in deeds in the depth of their souls and if you're not saying it today then it's time to pick up the phone and call and say i love you i care about you and then bind together individuals and families bind together and each other while we're here you know this i was thinking on the drive-in how i was going to open the show and there's so much on my mind and so many ideas that that that go through my mind as to how to to open this show but it's life folks we're here to commemorate the events of september 11th but to celebrate life liberty and the pursuit of happiness and please always remember and never forget the beautiful soul of corporal steven kotch who perished for us for for america and and the thousands and and and many many many families that have been ripped apart by this war love be kind to each other and love one another and let's stand together remember united we stand divided we fall and let's um put that flag back up and let it wave in the air for all to see that we that love will prevail not the fear not the terror but we must be vigilant so please be safe god bless you be vigilant be aware of your surroundings and i thank you so much for joining me for being with me today i love you for your tears but please don't cry because you're too beautiful and steven wants you to live he he died so you will live so we will live so choose life and love and just love you and self preserve my sweetheart he did it for you he did it for you and he did it for me and he did it for all of us and i'm so grateful for you on the show um folks the book again is casualties of war um please stay tuned i have another great show coming up next week um with all my heart and all my love i extend my greatest gratitude to the united states of america to mayor root of juliani to bernard karak who were here serving our country on september 11th 2001 and to all who perished on that fateful day please always remember and don't ever forget with all my love i am always a yellet